Bob Hearts Abishola (2019) s03e01 Episode Script

Welcome to Lagos

1 Previously on Bob Hearts Abishola - Hello? - E karo, Abishola.
We need to talk about Dele's travel arrangements.
I think it's best if Dele stays in Nigeria with me.
You would have him miss his own mother's wedding? Actually I was talking about more than a wedding.
I think he should stay here for the foreseeable future.
- Put Dele on! - I know this is hard to hear, but this is where he belongs.
Tayo! Put my son on the phone right now! Hold on.
What's going on? He's trying to keep Dele in Nigeria.
- For the wedding? - Forever.
Oluwa mi o.
We're gonna bring Dele home.
We are.
I don't want you to worry.
Olu and I will be there to fight for you.
Isn't that right, Olu? Shh! I'm watching The Avengers.
Ooh, steamy, huh? It is Africa, Bob.
So, what's the plan? Settle in, shower, get Dele? Take another shower? We are going straight to Dele.
I was trying to do you a favor, but okay.
Bob, did you perhaps pack a scarf or a concealing hat you could wear? Uncle, it's 105 degrees in here.
It's taking all my willpower to keep pants on.
It is too late, he has already caught the eye of the guard.
Because I'm not wearing a scarf? Because you are the only white person here.
They're profiling me.
Well, I guess it's only fair I get a taste of it for once.
Oh, no, your white privilege is still accepted here in Nigeria.
Like a Platinum Card.
Sir, please step out of line.
No problem, okay.
All right.
Bob Wheeler.
Open the bag, sir.
Tunde, do something.
Uh, sir, I can vouch for this man.
Okay, then you can also open your bag.
Young man, I am Nigerian.
I know what this is all about.
I will not be bribing my way into my own country.
In fact, I was born in this very building.
My mother's water broke exactly in the spot you are standing now.
Is that so? Because this airport was built in 1979.
Open your case.
Just for the record, I think you're doing a bang-up job.
I cannot believe you! Nigerians never pay the airport bribe.
You didn't pay it, I did.
But I was with you.
Now I am a sucker by proxy.
Where's Auntie? Getting transportation for her and Uncle.
Wait, we aren't going together? We have to stop and pick up gifts for our relatives.
Didn't you send Dele with, like, four suitcases worth of stuff? Yes, but if a child brought four, imagine what is expected of us.
- AUNTIE OLU: Tunde? We will meet you at your mother's house.
Go! Welcome to Lagos, Bob! Go! You know, even just a Wet Wipe would be great.
How you doing today? Wonderful.
God don butter my bread.
Yeah, we're feeling pretty buttered back here, too.
I'm Bob.
Welcome to Nigeria, Bob.
I am Ade.
Anything you two need, call me.
Day, night, anytime.
Oh Thank you, we'll be fine.
It's all so beautiful.
ADE: It is.
You must take time to explore our city.
But listen well well.
Never go by yourself.
And trust nobody.
Except you, right? Have you heard nothing I said? Nobody! Hey, madame, watch out for him.
I am aware of his weaknesses.
Hey, I'm not helpless.
I've traveled the world before.
But if your kidnappers hear you speak Mandarin, they will double your ransom.
If our projections hold true, we have a real opportunity here.
So I am recommending increased production of the Colorful Compression line for quarter four.
What an exciting strategy, Goodwin! Does anyone want to split an everything? Oh, I do.
I have already "split everything" into easily readable diagrams.
Oh, I'm sorry, we're just we're a little preoccupied thinking about Bob and Abishola.
And sweet little Dele.
We're eating our feelings.
Perhaps the best thing we can do for Mr.
Wheeler is keep the company afloat while he's away.
That makes sense.
Okay, so everyone turn to page five to discuss our new tax strategy.
As you can see, we are deferring our income.
Are those capers or raisins? - Oh, capers.
- [GASPS.]
Gimme! [GROANS.]
I do not like capers.
- Why not? - Too salty.
That is the point of a caper! ["JOHNNY" BY YEMI ALADE PLAYING.]
I will start on the immediate family.
You handle cousins, neighbors, and the cousin's neighbors.
Look at these poor souls.
They have no idea the master negotiator, Tunde the Unblinking walks amongst them.
We do not have time to play your games.
It's too late.
The game has already begun.
: Howdy-doo, I'm Brad Anderson.
Good afternoon, Mr.
Brad Anderson.
Yeah, I-I'm a bit confused.
- May-Maybe you can help me.
- Of course.
Well, back home in Des Moines, Iowa, at our local mall, well, they put little price tags on everything.
I-I don't see any price tags.
- How does this work? It's very simple, sir.
You tell me what you want and I tell you the price.
Ah, well, it seems that you could set different prices for different people.
Ah, only the best for you, Mr.
Awesome! How much are those headphones? For you, my honored American friend, just 90,000 naira.
That is a price I would happily pay.
Brad? No.
I have fooled you.
You are in the presence of Tunde the Unblinking.
This is some spread.
Does the gentleman you are having problems with work here? He owns it.
All of it? We will wait until nightfall, hop over the wall, find Dele, and make our escape.
You know I will do anything in my power to help you.
"Hopping" is not in my power.
We will do whatever it takes.
Tayo will not stop us from finding Dele.
Oh, hang on.
We're being waved in.
Are we still waiting for nightfall, madame? Just drive.
Where is my son? Kaasan, Abishola, Bob.
Where is Dele?! He is in his room.
I heard you landed, so I had my staff prepare some food.
How'd you know we landed? Welcome to Nigeria, Bob.
- This way.
- DELE: Get off me! - Dele? - You'll never take me alive! - [GROANS.]
- Dele! [DOOR OPENS.]
Mom? BOTH: E kaasan, Ma.
Ewa, Bola? Go to your rooms.
Cute kids.
But that does not excuse anything you've done.
Are you okay? You look skinny.
Has he let you outside of this room? Ah-ah, did you think I was keeping him prisoner? Yes.
- Hey, Bob.
- Come here, buddy I missed ya.
Me, too.
Okay, get your things.
We need to discuss this.
Did you discuss it with me before you decided to keep him? I am sorry.
I was wrong.
What? I should not have made the decision to keep him on my own.
You have no idea what you put me through.
Then let us not make any more mistakes.
We will sit, eat, have a conversation, and if you still feel the same way afterwards, I will help you pack his bags.
How did he know we landed? No, I'm fine, you-you don't have I don't want to Okay, you're doing it.
Yeah, you're right, it's nice.
Can I offer you anything to drink? I am not here for refreshments.
Yeah, we're here for Dele.
And a lemon-flavored sparkling water if you have it.
You have every reason to be upset with me.
I know I do.
It has been wonderful having Dele here.
And as you saw, his sisters idolize him.
Eh, they can idolize him over Skype! But he has reconnected with his family, with his culture.
When I shout at him in Detroit, I will do it in Yoruba.
I was only thinking of his future.
If Dele's going to be a doctor, he needs to be in the best schools.
You think I do not know that? She knows that.
Well, he has been accepted into the British International School.
That is impossible.
For most people.
But I made a phone call, and he was allowed to take the entrance exam.
And of course he passed.
It is a testament to the work you have done raising him.
I have to think about this.
May I use the bathroom, please? Yes.
Down the hall.
Third door on your left.
Excuse me.
It was a nice try.
What do you mean? This.
Your big, fancy house, all that talk about Dele's future.
All I want to do is provide a good life for my son.
Yeah, well, Abishola's already doing that.
Are you telling me schools in Detroit are better? I-I don't have that data in front of me, but, hey, let's look it up on my cell phone.
Uh, what's the Wi-Fi password? One, two, three, four.
Uh, you crazy millennials and your complicated passwords.
Here, you put it in.
- Abishola has Dele! - [ALL CHEERING.]
Thank God.
Because she has kidnapped him.
- NURSES: Ooh - What? Head for the Ghanaian border.
You're sending her to Ghana? I have a former lover there.
Long story.
Good story.
You will have to take a boat to bypass Benin and Togo.
Can't she just fly home? Have you been a fugitive before? - No.
- Then stop talking.
Your mother's house? That is the first place he will look for you.
The border, Abishola! Head for the border! [INDISTINCT CHATTER.]
Did you get everything? Yes.
At the prices I wanted.
Then what is wrong? Nobody would play with me.
They would just pull up the price on Amazon to show me the deal I was getting.
I know the deal I was getting! It is not the same market it was 20 years ago.
What is the world coming to when no one will argue over the price of a refurbished Sony Discman? Was this the plan all along? Distract me so you can steal my son? "Plan"? We basically hopped on a plane.
You'll notice I'm not exactly dressed for the weather.
Hello? WOMAN: May I speak to Mr.
Tayo Adebambo? Speaking.
This is the American Embassy.
We have some questions regarding your recent visit to the United States.
Excuse me, who am I speaking to? My name is Jennifer Aniston.
Good name.
Aniston, is it possible that we reschedule for another day? No! It has to be right now! You have to come to our office in Abuja.
But Abuja is 11 hours away.
Can you tell me - what this is regarding? - Um Why are you arguing with the American Embassy? Get yourself to Abuja and leave Abishola alone! Sounds legit to me.
- Abishola! Open the door! - Calm down.
I will not calm down.
- She has my son.
- All right, fair enough.
- Hey, how do I look? - What? Well, I'm about to meet my future mother-in-law.
I want to look presentable.
E kaale, Ma.
E kaale, Tayo.
E kaale, Ma.
E kaale, Bob.
- May I speak to Abishola? - No.
This is my house, you may speak to me.
And what a lovely home it is.
Shh! Your daughter has stolen my son and she's going to take him back to America.
I know this.
You told me yourself you're happy to have Dele back in Nigeria.
- I did.
- So can I please come in? No.
Even though I agree Dele should stay here, I have to stand by my daughter's stupid and selfish decisions.
Oh, you and my mom are gonna get along just fine.
Tunde, hey! - How long has it been? Come in! - Too long.
Come inside! Eh-eh.
"Eh-eh" what? We have not had a formal introduction between you and my family.
Until then, you cannot step foot in this house.
Aren't we a fine pair? Hey, want to get something to eat? [GRUNTS.]
This is not what I wanted.
Really? You and me tooling around Lagos? That's not what you had in mind? The first time I held Dele in my arms, I knew it was my mission to teach him and provide for him.
And then you left.
Because I could not support him in America.
But with Dele here, I was finally able to be the father I've always wanted to be.
He's a great kid.
He is.
I wanted to have this discussion with Abishola, but you know how hardheaded she is.
She is immoveable.
Like Olumo Rock.
It was a 15-hour flight.
I read a couple guidebooks.
But, honestly, that's the reason I fell in love with her.
Me, too.
Thanks for the ride.
I'm glad we're finally getting the chance to talk.
Perhaps now you understand how much I care.
I do.
And why I will not allow you or anyone to leave Nigeria with my son.
Ah, we were doing so good here and now you ruined it.
It's a work call.
Hey, not a good time.
Dele is thriving in Lagos.
The way he was playing with his sisters I've never seen him so happy.
How can I take that away? What are you saying? Here he will attend the best school, and be around people who share his culture.
But he won't have you.
I have always done what's best for him.
I cannot let this be the one time I do not.
You're amazing.
I love you very much.
We'll talk later tonight, okay? You are awfully close to your employees.
You're damn right I am.
Abishola and Bob are getting married in Nigeria! [CHEERING, CLAMORING.]
Because Dele is not coming home! - [CONFUSED NOISES.]
- Huh? What? Now hold on.
We are guests in this country, and I would like to be treated as such.
I will not be shaken down! Madame, there is no need to make a scene.
I agree.
Nobody's smuggling anything here.
Okay, okay, guys, just-just let me handle this, okay? [SPEAKING YORUBA.]
CHRISTINA: Oh, Kemi, hey! A little help here?
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