Bob Hearts Abishola (2019) s03e13 Episode Script

One Man, No Baby

1 Previously on Bob Hearts Abishola Come in.
- Hey, what're you doing? - Homework.
Come on, I won't rat you out.
What are you really doing? Homework.
What have they done to you? So, listen, I was thinking about running over to Costco and buying one of those new Xboxes and inviting some friends over to mess around with it.
You a gamer? No, which means I'll need somebody to teach me.
Oh, I don't think my mom will like that.
Oh, she's gonna hate it.
Let's go.
So, what, I'm just supposed to become a Ravens fan now? Are they not a better team? Okay, that's a low blow.
Everything is a low blow.
You are so sensitive.
Sounds like there's trouble in paradise.
Another marital problem that we will have to help them navigate.
- They're so lucky to have us.
- Mm.
When I was a newlywed, there was nothing to navigate.
You just did what your husband said, and you made sure he never saw you without makeup.
My husband still has never seen my naked face.
- Really? - I sleep in full makeup and a girdle.
I thought you were getting yourself some tea.
I never made it to the kettle.
My mother stopped me to complain.
- About what? - Everything.
You know, this could be a new reality show.
An angry Nigerian mother-in-law slowly destroying the people she loves.
Call it, Guess Who's Coming to Dinner and Staying.
- Oh, no.
- What? I forgot my phone out there.
Don't go back.
I'll order you a new one, have it delivered to the window.
I think I left it in the gym.
I could get to it from the side of the house.
Yeah, but that's right next to "you know whose" room.
Your mother has a name.
Don't say it out loud, you'll summon her.
Then she'll come and tell us one of her stories.
Did I ever tell you about my royal flush at the Jackpot Junction Casino? I always get the one about someone named Frankie Valli buying her a lemon drop.
We're prisoners in our own home.
Our moms are the guards, and this is the hole.
We could always escape.
Go out the window, press against the side of the house to avoid the motion lights, have the Uber pick us up two blocks down at the 7-Eleven.
Wow, you just had that plan ready to go? You are new to this prison, I grew up in it.
Well I suppose we could jump that rose bush.
Although, that gravel on the other side's gonna make for a tricky landing.
I'm gonna have to change shoes.
- Bob.
- Yeah? We don't have to do this.
Thank you.
Hey, I found somebody's phone.
You guys in there? Bob? Abishola? Shh.
It responds to noise.
Do you have any eights? Go fish.
This is a very strange game.
Yeah, it's mind-numbingly simple, which is why it's better to do when you're drinking.
What isn't? I knew we were simpatico.
- I'll get the Baileys.
- Mm.
Good morning, sweetie.
Hello, Bob.
E karo, Mama Ebun.
Is everything okay? You and Abishola - turned in early last night.
- Yeah.
I'm on this new diet where you're not supposed to eat after 6:00, so what's the point of being up? Or alive? While you have an important guest here, it might be nice for you to make a little more effort to entertain them.
I'm sorry, Mama Ebun.
I meant me.
It is good you and Abishola are spending so much time together.
Listen, a-about that, you know, we love having both of you here.
Of course you do.
We're delightful.
It's just, I feel like I spend more time with you two than I do Abishola.
- Well, whose fault is that? - Yours.
You should always make time for your wife.
That's what I'm trying to do.
Then why are you here whining to us? I'm not whining.
I just want some alone time - with my wife.
- Well, maybe your yelling is why she doesn't want to spend any more time with you.
How about this? One night a week, you guys stay out - of our hair.
Is that too much to ask? - Not at all.
To be honest, we could use a little break from you, too.
Seriously? You know I love you, sweetie, but you're under foot a lot.
This is my house.
How dare you tell your mother that your house is yours.
I had a stroke, God forbid I should stay - a couple of weeks.
- Mm.
You've been here for two years.
You know what? Forget I said anything.
Have a great day.
You too, sweetie.
Boy, he's in a mood.
I hope he does not pass that disposition onto his child.
Huh? Clearly, they are trying to have a baby.
Can you think of any other reason they would not want their mothers around? Hot damn, I'm gonna be a granny.
Of course, Ebun.
I will not tell a soul.
Hand me the church directory.
I need to spread the good news.
What? Bob and Abishola are going to have a child.
- No! - Yes! Can you imagine how adorable a little baby Bob will be? I need to tell Sister Comfort.
Shouldn't Bob and Abishola be the ones to announce this blessing? Yes.
Hello, Sister Comfort.
I have wonderful news! Just saw my first robin.
Spring is coming soon.
Are you having another stroke? No, I'm just enjoying God's handiwork.
Each day really is a gift.
It does sound like she's dying.
I'm not dying.
If you must know, I'm in a good mood because I'm about to be a grandmother.
Wait, Abishola's pregnant? They're working on it.
I knew when he started losing weight he was up to something.
Oh, he's burning those calories.
Are you sure about this? I just feel like Abishola would've told her little sister.
Little? You're older than her.
- Yeah, but she's taller.
- Bob said they need more alone time.
What do I need to do, draw you a picture? Well, maybe she just didn't want to jinx it by sharing it with the person that she's closest to.
Yeah, I'm sure that's it.
Poor Bob.
What do you mean, "poor Bob"? He's gonna be one of those old dads.
Him and the kid are gonna be in diapers at the same time.
Well, I'm excited.
This baby could be good for us, give me more than one winner in the bunch.
One winner? She's talking about Bob.
All I'm saying is, it's a chance to right some wrongs.
What, so are you saying Douglas and I are the wrongs? No.
You both fill my heart with pride.
Your shift was over a half hour ago.
Yes, it was.
Your mom still here? Yes, she is.
My mother would visit for months and do nothing but nag me from the couch all day.
Her butt print would haunt me even after she left.
I feel bad for my mother.
I'm all she has.
My siblings barely speak to her.
- See that guilt you're feeling? - Mm-hmm.
It's all part of their little game, child.
My mother does not play games.
The fact that you think that, means she's winning.
What is this? I would have made more of an effort if I hadn't found out you were having a baby from Sister Comfort.
What? You're having a baby? - No.
- Oh, please.
Don't play coy now.
Your secret is out.
I am not pregnant.
That's why she been eating such big lunches.
And having erratic mood swings, from angry to very angry.
You are making me angry now with this pregnancy nonsense.
I'm going to be a wonderful godmother.
Ah, who made you godmother? You think it should be you? I think we should discuss it.
- Is anyone listening to me? - Shh.
- What if we were co-godmothers? - I could live with that.
Well, let's do that then.
Ooh, you look a little cranky.
Let me get you two a snack.
Apparently, my mother has been telling everyone I'm pregnant.
Well, how the hell did she get that idea? I was just telling her we barely get any time together.
- Oh, Bob.
- What? Why would two married people want to be alone? To look at a suspicious mole on the husband's back? Now she will never give up on this ridiculous baby idea.
Is it? - What? - Ridiculous.
We talked about this.
I know, but that was before.
Before what? Spending time with Dele.
He's such a great kid.
You can't help but wonder what kind of kid we would have.
I can help but wonder.
- You know what? Forget I said anything.
- Okay.
Yeah, just forget it.
Oh, great, you're here.
Please, sit down.
Are you coming back to take my job? No, I would never.
Oh, thank God.
Don't thank God yet.
Someone is coming for your jobs.
Someone younger and smarter.
Who is coming? Bob and Abishola are trying to have a kid.
No! Yes.
That is wonderful news.
Stop smiling, you fool.
The moment the child is born, we are on an 18-year countdown until he inherits the MaxDot throne.
Yes, he, she, or they will certainly be put in charge.
I would welcome a leader that has a mix of Abishola's relentless drive and Bob's tenderness.
Like a teddy bear with talons.
There will be no company to work for.
Often, the passion for a family-run company only lasts one generation.
You think Bob's kid will sell? Of course.
He will not care about socks.
He will only care about going to the club and getting jiggy with it.
I don't like him.
He hasn't even been born yet, and I do not like him.
That baby is no threat to you.
I was the one who was going to be in charge.
Goodwin, we love you and all you've done for the business, but we're Wheelers.
Well, Bob Wheeler promised me I would take over once he left.
- I'm sorry? - What? I have a signed statement on a Wendy's napkin.
And where is this napkin? In a safe place.
Yeah, I don't know if a napkin will hold up legally.
I mean that genuinely, I have no idea.
Why was I never told? None of this matters if Mr.
Wheeler has a child.
- Excuse me.
- Where are you going? To get a baby gift.
Are you sure? When you walk out that door, you have chosen your side.
Oh, my God.
This baby is already tearing us apart.
Well, here they are! Ooh.
The bringers of life.
I have wanted to change a diaper since I saw the movie Three Men and a Baby, because I was one man with no baby.
That's very sweet, guys, but there has been a misunderstanding.
Eat this eba.
I'm not hungry right now.
Eat it.
Your cousin Bisi ate it during her pregnancies and all her children are over six feet.
And she and her husband are both little people.
Everyone is getting ahead of themselves.
Abishola, I just want to say thank you.
I'd given up on the idea of becoming a grandmother, and then this came out of nowhere.
Like the time Frankie Valli bought me a lemon drop.
I have to say, this is this is the most No, no, no, please don't.
Let your uncle cry.
After all our struggles, he is excited to have a baby around.
Listen, I don't want to disappoint anyone, but Abishola and I talked about it, and we're not sure we're gonna do the kid thing.
- What? - Yes, you will.
I have already told everyone.
Well, you should not have done that.
This is my fault.
I didn't mean to give you the wrong idea.
Do you really not want a child? - Uh - You see? Your husband wants a child.
You are denying him the chance to continue his family name.
I'm sorry.
I know everyone here's intentions are good, but I think we just need a little space.
This is a complicated situation.
It is not complicated.
We want a child.
We do.
We really do.
I am so sorry about that.
Wow, she's like a ninja.
Can I join you? What happened? I fell out the window following you.
What do you think happened? That rose bush was tricky.
That makes me feel much better.
How did you find me? You know that app you track Dele on with your phone? - You did that? - Sorry.
Do not be.
Tracking someone means you love them.
A child would require me to take time away from the hospital.
That's true.
I would also need to delay going to medical school for at least a year.
Yeah, I guess you would.
I have concerns about taking care of a newborn and your mother, who, after a few drinks, is fussier than a baby.
Got to be careful not to mix up their bottles.
So many people want this.
What they want doesn't matter.
But you want it.
What I want is for you to be happy.
And if you don't want to have a kid, then I support that.
I'm not sure what I want.
Wait, I thought you were a hard no.
Because up until today, I thought you were as well.
Are you saying you want to have a kid? I'm saying I'm no longer a hard no.
Into the sun - So - Let's just drink while I still can.
You got it.
Hey, Goodwin.
I just want you to know that I fully support Bob's choice in putting you in charge one day.
Thank you.
And I'm happy to help throw overboard any family member who disagrees.
You know, so long as there's a place for me on that boat.
I will keep that in mind.
You look handsome today.
Hey! My favorite coworker.
I was just thinking about how much I love working on the floor.
Under you.
Thank you.
I would never abandon this place the way cuckoo Christina did.
I'm loyal, like a hound dog.
All I need is a pat on the belly once in a while.
And my old office back and a company car.
I will think about it.
Take your time.
You look handsome today.
- Hello, cousin.
- Yes? Is there something you would like to tell me? No.
I'm just here to make copies.
- Always the hard worker.
- Mm-hmm.
I will remember that when I rise to power.
We will see what the Wheeler child has to say about that.
Haven't you heard? There is no Wheeler child.
You have old information, cousin.
Abishola is no longer a hard no.
Where did you hear this? Who-who is your source? Like I said, I am just here to make copies.

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