Bob Hearts Abishola (2019) s03e22 Episode Script

Beard in Her Pulpit

1 Previously on Bob Hearts Abishola Abishola calls her mother pretending to be a spirit from beyond, guiding her with advice like, "Get out, go home, get out.
" So Abishola's mother thinks a ghost can use a phone? Why not? With unlimited minutes, anything is possible.
Your mother's mother would be perfect.
I agree.
But I don't know what my grandmother sounded like.
That's your problem with this plan? Hello? Ah-ah.
Who is this? Who is this? Mummy? But I do not want to leave.
I just do not want to go back to that man.
No, he is just my husband.
The love left many years ago.
All I do is cook and clean for a man who barely looks at me.
Let alone touches me.
Ask her if she's taken any lovers.
Christina has left.
Now you will need to replace her with someone qualified, who has great knowledge of the workings of the company.
That's exactly right.
I usually am.
Congratulations, Kofo.
- Excuse me? - Mr.
Wheeler, you said Kofo.
My name is Goodwin.
Yes, Goodwin.
We need you down on the floor.
You're our guy.
Your floor guy? Exactly.
We got a new pastor? What happened to the other guy? Oh, he got recruited by a megachurch in Chicago.
Good for him.
Shame on him.
We gave him everything.
Then, as soon as a prettier congregation came along, he Holy Ghosted us.
Tunde gets very attached to these pastors.
I'm the same way with football coaches.
They all say the right stuff, so I buy season tickets and then I wave my stupid foam finger while the Lions lose 16 straight.
We need to protect our hearts.
Yeah, but then we wouldn't love as hard.
Never change, Bob Wheeler.
God is among us.
You all heard that, right? I can feel Him in this room.
I am your new pastor Joseph Falade.
And I wanted to sit with you to show you that I am not a prophet, I am just a man.
A man with a theology degree from Harvard and this wonderful, handmade suit.
If you never saw it, I never wore it.
Man knows how to make an entrance.
He's wearing Air Jordans.
I feel fortunate that God has chosen me to lead this congregation.
And He gave me one piece of advice.
He said, "Pastor Falade, "if I can create the world in seven days, you can get through a service in under an hour.
" I feel myself getting attached again.
Yeah, this guy's taking us to the Super Bowl.
In Air Jordans.
We are overjoyed to have you at our place of worship.
I hope I am here a long time.
Please do not make promises you cannot keep.
Pastor, this Suya is from my kitchen.
I hope you enjoy.
Eh, you left off Morenike's plantains.
I did not think the pastor would want to eat anything prepared by our nontraditional member.
I thought all were welcome in the house of the Lord.
I could not agree more, Sister Olu.
Surely you also agree, Sister Ogechi.
Perhaps I am not explaining the issue well enough.
Morenike is a lesbian.
I am glad to have you in my congregation, Morenike.
Thank you, Pastor.
Now, if you excuse me, plantains are my favorite.
In baseball, what you just did is called a "swing and a miss.
" Morning, sister.
How did you like the service? I did not.
Nice shoes.
Don't worry, she didn't like me at first either.
Still kind of doesn't.
Can you grab me some plantains? It's been 45 minutes.
Ugh, it's just like Mom to keep us waiting.
What are we waiting for? Well, we probably shouldn't tell you because she's the one that likes to "make it rain," but we're getting our bonus.
- Bonus? - Mm.
But I am not family.
Oh, no.
The bonuses go to upper management.
Which up until this point was only family, so I get why you'd be confused.
Oh, okay.
I am still confused.
Douglas is no longer in upper management, and you do not even work here.
Hey, man, do you want the money or do you want to ask questions? Who likes money? - I do! - I do! Come on, it's part of the thing.
I also like the money.
Well, then step right up.
Come on, baby birds, open your little beaks.
I know it's demeaning, but it's over before you know it.
Yum, yum, yum, yum, yum, yum, yum.
You're one of us.
Oluwa mi o.
Wait, let me see that.
Oh, it's right.
That's sweet, you think that's a lot of money.
I do not deserve this.
Actually, out of all of us, you kind of do.
Yeah, just think of it as a way for the company to give back.
To those of us in this room.
Is it fair that so few should benefit from the work of so many? Who are you, Fidel Castro? Kofo and I are men of the people.
You don't want your bonus? What? No.
Sorry, did I imply that? Let me explain to you a little something about capitalism.
We eat first, so we're strong and healthy enough to run the company.
But what about the workers? Well, when they see us in our nice clothes and fancy cars, they're inspired to work harder to make their way up from the bottom.
Like I did.
Look at that.
The system works.
Kaale, Bob.
Oh, e kaale, Mama Ebun.
You are reading the Bible? Well, I'm trying to.
I've been on the same page for an hour.
Perhaps you would like it better if it was written by Dean Koontz.
When Pastor Falade gave the sermon, he made it all seem exciting.
Church is not supposed to be entertaining.
It is meant to frighten us.
Why? Because it is church.
And God wants us afraid.
All I know is, it's nice to have a pastor who doesn't say you're going to hell when you think some of the things in here are screwy.
Screwy? You should be very afraid.
Come on.
Explain to me why this Job guy had to get put through the wringer.
God made a wager with Satan that Job's faith could withstand anything.
What are they, golf buddies? Uh, why is God making bets with the devil? I have often wondered that myself.
Well, then, let's stop wondering and find out.
- Who are you calling? - The pastor.
He said "Reach out anytime, because those who doubt are just as important as those who believe.
" Eh.
Also, ask him about the story of Ruth.
- Who? - Just give me the phone.
Hello, cousin.
- What are you wearing? - Oh, this? As a creative executive, I thought my look could use a trendy refresh.
When did you get "a look"? When I got the hat.
Doesn't it bring everything together? Where did you buy all of this? At the Nordstrom.
Nordstrom Rack? Nordstrom Regular? I may have splurged a little.
Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait.
How can you afford all this designer nonsense? You know how we always resented Douglas and Christina - for receiving bonuses? - Yes.
And they would strut in the next day wearing overpriced jeans and stupid-looking jackets.
Oh, my God.
You got a bonus? That's right, cousin.
I shattered the sock ceiling.
I do not understand.
You do not have to.
All you need to know is that the system works.
Yum, yum, yum, yum, yum, yum.
Yes, Sister Ayomide, a baby would be wonderful.
The new pastor took the prayer list from Ogechi and put Olu in charge.
Do not worry, I will make sure everyone prays for your uterus.
So many people with so many problems.
And I know about them before anyone else.
I have never seen you so happy.
I do not think I have been.
Is that because you're in charge of the prayer list, or because Ogechi is not? Can it not be both? For many years, Ogechi lorded the gossip over us.
Now we will rub her nose in it like a naughty puppy.
And it's all thanks to you.
What did I do? You were here.
And you are queer.
I see you picked up a new slogan at the parade.
Oh, it is catchy because it rhymes.
It's open.
I'm sorry to bother you.
Oh, it's okay.
What's up? You're sure this is a good time? - Yeah.
- Good! Because I am very, very angry with you.
What did I do? Why did Kofo get a bonus and I did not? Because he's the head of marketing.
He's an idiot.
He wasted his money on a stupid jacket.
I can't tell people how to spend their money.
I want a stupid jacket! Believe me, I hear you, but Kofo's a VP.
The commercial was his idea.
That's what brought in all this extra business.
And who packs and ships all the extra business? I will give you a hint: he did not get a bonus.
Goodwin, come on, you're my guy.
Being your guy doesn't put a puffy jacket on my shoulders.
What are you talking about? Pretty soon you're gonna run this whole company.
When? Whenever Abishola lets me retire.
Oh, my God! Oh, I know, I know.
But it's gonna happen.
Look, if I can keep the faith, so can you.
I suppose.
All right, I appreciate you telling me how you feel.
Communication's the only way we keep this ship floating.
Ready for some sushi? Bonus lunch, baby.
Hey, Goodwin.
What's up with him? - Hey.
- What's up? Do we have any more money we can free up for bonuses? No.
Books are closed.
You tell Douglas, whatever he did, he's gonna have to use a public defender.
No, i-it's Goodwin.
The guy's been busting his ass.
I just want to show a little appreciation.
Now, that's a slippery slope.
You start handing out bonuses, pretty soon you're covering health care and paid vacations.
Well, would that be so bad? Who are you, Fidel Castro? Well, I got to do something.
He You know, he's really upset.
And he's worked for us for years.
And we've paid him for years.
He's not just another employee, Mom.
You're right, he's not.
Here's what we'll do.
We'll take your bonus and just distribute it to all the underlings.
I hate myself.
Hey, you didn't make the little bird noise.
My mother insisted on cooking me lunch today.
Pounded yam, okra, fried plantains.
- Mmm.
- Meat pies.
That was awful sweet of her.
Almost too sweet.
Is she dying? No, she is singing and cooking in the kitchen.
Is anyone she hates dying? No, her enemies are alive and well.
She just seems happy.
Well, that's great.
Especially after she decided not to go home to your father.
Yes, she discussed that with the new pastor at church.
She seems to be really enjoying his spiritual guidance.
I wonder what else he is guiding.
What are you insinuating? That perhaps the pastor has ignited her burning bush.
Do not be ridiculous.
My mother is a married, Christian woman.
Who has eyes.
If I were not in love, I would let the pastor sprinkle his salt and pepper beard all over my pulpit.
Will you get your mind out the gutter? It is possible for Abishola's mother just to be in a good place.
Yes, the pastor seems to be hitting all of those good places.
Well, I know someone who dated a certain sock man before her divorce was final.
That is different.
Okay, I'm putting it to bed.
Like the pastor did your mama.
I'm sorry, it was right there.
And Kemi would've said it anyway.
I would not.
There is a line, Gloria.
What are you doing? I'm texting the pastor.
He gave you his number? He only gave me his Facebook.
It's so great to actually enjoy going to church.
When we started dating, you told me you loved going to church with me.
And now with the new pastor, I really mean it.
"See you soon, smiley face, prayer hands.
" Hello, Tunde.
I would ask what is new, but you have no way of knowing.
You did a very nice job on the prayer list.
Thank you.
Next week you may want to put a special name on there.
What are you talking about? You have not heard about the pastor? I thought you had the ear of the congregation.
Of course I do.
What do you know? It seems the pastor has taken a liking to a certain married member of his flock.
Who? I am not one to spread gossip.
So you do not know.
Not yet, but I will soon.
What married woman would be foolish enough to mess around with the pastor? Mummy, is that a new dress? It is.
I like to look my best for God.
Come on, I want to get a good seat.
Lord, You are good and Your mercy ♪ Endureth forever ♪ Lord, You are good and Your mercy ♪ Endureth forever ♪ People from every nation and tongue ♪ From generation to generation ♪ - We worship you ♪ - Welcome, everyone, to God's house.
Today's service will be about love.
Of God and the people that God has put into our lives.
I firmly believe that He sends us certain people at the precise moment we need them.
Perhaps it is to bring us perspective, appreciation.
Or perhaps it is just to remind us that we are human.
And though we are not perfect it is within those imperfections that we find connection.
And what could be more perfect than connecting with another soul and showing God the joy of His creation? All the time ♪ You are good ♪ Ooh ♪ Did you get the jacket? I did, thank you.
Did you check the inside pocket? Check the inside pocket.
That's two tickets to the Lions home opener.
You and I are gonna watch them start their championship season in person.
That is very nice.
And again, I'm sorry.
Okay? Next year, I promise, you're getting that bonus.
If you say so.
All right, I'll see you soon.
Goodbye, Mr.
We're all set.
The rest of the team's ready to meet you.
I appreciate you getting me this interview.
Oh, are you kidding? They are gonna love you.
This is the right move, Goodwin.
Yes, it is.
Love that jacket.

Previous Episode