Bob's Burgers s14e08 Episode Script

Wharf, Me Worry?

Hooray! Rainy day romp
at wonder wharf with Pop Pop!
I've got my raincoat,
I've got my least
water-absorbent socks,
I even had my pre-Pop Pop pee and poop.
Yeah, going to amusement parks
when it's sunny is for idiots.
A little drizzle means
no lines for rides.
Sure, you might get struck by lightning,
but at least we won't be
waiting in line when it happens.
Well, I'm looking forward to
some quality time with Grandpa.
I like how we enjoy
the same ride intensity.
Less thrill, more chill.
Yep. You have the same taste in fun
- as a 75-year-old man.
- Thank you.
Aw, they're so excited
about their day with Grandpa.
- It's sweet.
- Uh-huh.
- What? What is it, Bob?
It's just, I-I hope my dad
doesn't do that thing
he's been doing lately.
- What thing?
- The thing where he talks
about how the world is terrible
and it's all gonna end soon.
Oh, right. That thing.
Food's gonna run out.
This article says ten
years, no more food.
Yep. Thanks.
With the melting ice caps,
pretty soon Ocean Avenue
will just be Ocean.
Your grandkids aren't gonna know
what a polar bear is. Or a tiger.
You go to the zoo, it's
just gonna be a gift shop.
- Probably overpriced, too.
- Uh-huh.
He-he didn't used to be like that.
It's a getting-older thing, I think.
Like, he's kind of getting ready to
Leave the party, so he
doesn't feel bad about
telling everybody how
much the party stinks.
And everybody at the
party will starve soon?
Well, you talked to him about it, right?
Sort of. H-He can be
a little defensive.
So, Dad, uh, you know how
you can get sort of apocalyptic
- in a not-so-great way?
- What do you mean?
You know, like how you
watched that documentary
and you texted me,
"stop what you're doing
"and go buy all the
water you can right now
because it's gonna be gone soon"?
Oh, oh, you mean how
I share helpful tips
that'll save your family's life?
Okay, never mind, got to go.
- Buy water.
- Uh-huh.
- And rain barrels.
- Yep.
And write "not water"
on it so your neighbors
- don't steal it.
- Got to go.
And today it's just
gonna be him and them.
And the cloud of darkness that
follows him wherever he goes.
- [BIG BOB] Hi, everybody.
Hey, Big Bob.
- Hi, Dad.
- [LOUISE] Pop Pop! - [TINA] Grandpa!
All right, Grandpa day at Wonder Wharf.
This mama's jealous. I have to stay here
and work at this dumb ole place.
- Just kidding, Bob.
- That's funny.
Pop Pop, question: How much cotton candy
is too much cotton candy?
- Ah, I don't know. Three?
- Perfect answer.
If we vomit on a ride,
can we buy more of the food
- that we vomited?
- Of course.
Well, I hope you all have fun.
And, uh, you know, just
keep it light and-and fun.
Okay, go, go, go.
Love you. Be good for Grandpa.
What are you talking
about? We're always good.
And plenty. That candy
was named after us.
[LOUISE] Pop Pop, Scramble Pan first?
That's how we like to do it.
A great first ride. An appetizer.
We scramble and then we
ramble. Sometimes we amble.
Or maybe the mole hill
is a better appetizer?
Something gentle for the gentleman?
- Tina, scramble.
- Fine.
Scramble me, baby!
Hey, you. I predict you will enjoy
some fried clams.
Oh-oh-oh, it's Clamstradamus.
Wonder wharf's newest thing
- that makes you feel uncomfortable.
- What is it now?
It's a talking clam
that tells your future.
And I guess tries to get
you to eat fried clams?
You there, in the red
jacket. You look hungry.
Tell your Grandpa you want fried clams.
Whoa. Is someone in
there? There's no room.
- How's he know this stuff?
- He's clam-voyant.
Yeah, they must have a camera.
Or a spy satellite? Is that it?
Is that how you do it?
I see all!
Like your brother picking his nose.
He probably says that to everyone.
I don't like it. Don't be so specific.
Come on, let's scramble.
I want to feel centrifugal
force on my innards.
- Your innard skynyrds?
- Mm-hmm.
Wharfin' with Pop Pop,
wharfin' with Pop Pop ♪
- wharfin' with Pop Pop ♪
wharfin' with Pop Pop,
wharfin' with Pop Pop ♪
- wharfin' with Pop Pop. ♪
Okay, Grandpa needs a little bench time.
Here's five bucks for each of you.
And make sure you spend it.
If you come back with
money, you're doing it wrong.
This is in no way related,
but, Grandpa, did I mention
how much I like your style?
Meet me back here in a half hour or so
and don't get any tattoos
that your parents can see.
- Hey, Linda.
- Hey, Teddy.
- What you having?
- I'm not here to eat.
I-I got a bit of an
emergency on my hands.
But I'll take a burger and fries.
What's going on?
I need to ask you and Bob a huge favor.
- No problem.
- I mean, we should hear it first.
I need you to take a picture of me.
Like, a really good picture.
For the handy home
website. You know that site
that has a bunch of
handy folks and plumbers
and electricians on it for hire?
I-I thought it'd be a good way
to drum up some extra business.
See, look at all these handy
folks with great pictures.
Ooh, yeah. I would hire her.
I would hire him. I mean, but I won't.
See how friendly tool belt guy looks?
But every picture I
try to take of myself,
I look like a murderer.
What? No. Don't be silly.
Oh, god.
- It's the eyes. Sorry.
- See? That's why I need your help.
I need to get my profile up.
Every second I'm not on this
website, I'm losing business.
I'll take your picture, Teddy.
I can make this camera love you.
Or at least flirt with you at the bar
and laugh at your jokes.
Thanks, Linda.
Uh, I brought some
wardrobe possibilities.
I thought maybe brown
could bring out my eyes?
Murder eyes. It's just sorry.
Your life is about to
take a delicious turn
Into some fried clams.
Or not.
Hey, you're done for the day.
We're shutting down the Clam Shack.
The park's pretty empty
'cause of the weather.
Ah, too bad. I was
really in the zone today.
'Cause I can get too
in my head sometimes.
Uh-huh, yeah, yep.
And just like that, our money is gone,
which means no more ride tickets,
which means we need to get
our butts back to Grandpa.
- And also we love him.
- Clamstradamus?
Any clam-related fortunes
you'd like to share?
Or observations about
the human condition?
He's thinking.
Guys, look at this.
I like looking at stuff.
[TINA] Maybe we shouldn't be in here?
So, this is the microphone
that they use to
Make Clamstradamus talk. Ha!
Close the door, close the door.
Hey, everyone. I know all. I see all.
Bow down to me!
Who wants to know their future?
Hey, mister, you're gonna
keep walking that way.
Am I right?
- Or am I right?
- And you're gonna
receive a phone call on your birthday
from someone you know.
Guys, stop. What if we get caught?
Why would we get caught?
Also, we're supposed to go meet Pop Pop.
And also we're supposed to be good?
This doesn't count as good.
Tina, Pop Pop would be
mad if we didn't do this.
Come on, just try it.
[TINA] Ugh. Fine.
Uh, so how's everyone doing today?
Oh, they're gone.
- Keep going.
- Uh, so, hey, uh
Your future is, um I'm a clam.
- Okay.
- Maybe do more farts?
That was beautiful.
Wait till you hear the finale.
[LOUISE] Hey, hat guy.
Your fortune is really, really good.
But, uh uh-oh, it's getting foggy.
Bring us, I mean,
bring me, Clamstradamus,
uh, ten ride tickets.
And I'll be able to see
it much more clearly.
- Let's just keep walking.
- [GENE] Don't walk away.
We have so much more to tell you.
You're gonna get married.
But you won't be able
to agree on the items in your registry.
Don't let Crate & Barrel destroy you!
This has been so, so fun
and hasn't made me anxious at all,
but we should get back to Grandpa now.
Tina, we've barely scratched
the surface of this thing.
Hey, you.
You, give me that banana.
A lot of people give
stuffed bananas to clams.
Don't think about it, just do it.
- So close.
- Eh, well.
So, leaving? Now?
Grandpa's probably
wondering where we are.
Okay, he's alive. Whew.
That would've been twice this week.
Okay, you're hammering a nail,
but you're not making
a big deal about it.
It's fun. You're having fun.
Like this? Eh
No, now it looks like you're in pain.
- Think of something happy.
- Ah
I said something happy,
not whose body is in your basement.
Ugh! Why is this so hard?
Just be natural.
You haven't blinked in like ten minutes.
[TEDDY] Okay, tell me when to blink.
[LINDA] Just blink
how you normally blink.
- [TEDDY] I only blink at night.
- [LINDA] That's sleeping.
Dad's not texting me back.
Oh, Bob. Just put that thing down
and don't even worry about it.
No, not you, Teddy.
Keep holding the hammer.
Okay, now you're holding it weird,
like you've never held a hammer before.
[TEDDY] I don't know
what to do with my body!
Okay, uh, what's a different way to text
"please don't destroy
our kids' childhoods"?
Just quit worrying about it,
everything's gonna be okay.
Teddy, did your mouth start twitching?
Eh, it's hard to look
normal for this long.
Maybe after I finish these,
I'll just go down there.
'Cause it, you know, it's
fun when your dad shows up.
To check on your Grandpa.
It's kinda slow here
with the rain anyway.
I don't know, won't that look like
we don't trust your dad with our kids?
No! No, 'cause I'm gonna be
A cool, laid-back buffer
who's all about just having fun.
A fun-loving buffer. A fluffer.
Wait, not that. Not a fluffer.
Okay. I-I won't be gone for long.
These are ready. Ooh, Teddy.
- I don't think that's working.
- I know! I know!
It's so easy for you, Bob!
With your charming, lovable face!
I hate you! Sorry, sorry.
- Hello?
[BOB] Hey, dad. Uh, I was just calling
to see how it's going.
Uh, with the kids?
Huh? Oh, it's, uh good.
- Great. That's great.
- Uh-huh.
Hey, uh, I was just thinking
how much more fun it would be if I
Came down there and we all hung out.
- Oh. Really?
- Yeah, I just thought it'd be nice
to all be at the Wharf together.
Also, I'm here, so I'll hang up now.
Uh, where are the kids?
Did you say something
that might have made them
- not want to be around you?
- What? No.
I-I gave 'em each five bucks
and told 'em to meet me
back here in 30 minutes.
- Wait, what did you think I did?
- Nothing. Nothing.
So, I guess we should
just wait for them here?
So, should we
go look for them?
- Oh.
- Okay.
- All right. Oh.
- Oh, oh.
Hey, let's go look for the kids.
Yeah, I-I'm up, so I
might as well stay up.
Great. Oh. Yep.
[GENE] Hey, people. Don't be afraid.
I'm not so different than you.
Okay, guys, for real,
we should leave now
Uh, hello.
Fellas, fellas, fellas. What's the rush?
Hey, how's it going?
Pretty crazy weather we're having.
What's your name, muscles?
What are you, on the
swim team or something?
So, uh, you came down here
on the day I'm taking care of the kids.
Do you not trust me with them?
What? No, I, uh
I mean, sure, I have no idea
where they are right now.
- Right.
- But they're close. I think.
- So I'm doing pretty good.
- Mm-hmm.
Hey, you get that article I sent you
about the island of
garbage in the Pacific?
Yes. I, uh, I-I definitely read it.
All this stuff's gonna end up there.
Just a giant island of
stuffed animals and plastic
Ooh! We should win that
gorilla for the kids!
Wait, what?
I can't believe you won that.
I guess I'm good at
aiming water at stuff.
Except in the bathroom. Sometimes.
- I'm working on it.
- We all are.
Your kids are gonna love
this. If we ever find them.
- Dibs on it if we don't.
- Well, w-we're back at the bench,
and they're not here.
Maybe we could see where
they are from up there?
[BIG BOB] Are the seats dry?
They will be after you sit there.
We could wipe the seat with the gorilla.
- How dare you?
- Here.
I, uh, got a high-quality,
totally hygienic rag.
Great. Great.
Wipe, wipe, wipe. All set.
Hop on, gentlemen.
It's just as wet. But okay.
Well, we've told some fortunes,
we've sung some songs,
we've used naughty words.
Our work might be done here.
Yeah, I'd like to not get caught,
so please, yes, can we go?
Guess it is getting late,
and I think we've
changed some lives today.
Yeah, we told that
guy to grow a ponytail.
That's gonna open up a
whole new world for him.
[GRUNTS] Oh, it's jammed or something.
What? Uh, maybe you got
to shove it. [GRUNTS]
What if I just
- [LOUISE] Oh, my god.
- We-we're locked in? How?
- We can't get out?
Are we being punished? For
being helpful and delightful?
Oh, we're gonna get in trouble!
Grandpa's gonna get in trouble!
That's extra trouble!
And I wasn't comfortable
- with normal trouble.
- It's okay. It's okay.
There's got to be someone
who can let us out.
So, not a ton of people out there.
- Help! - Help!
- Let us out of here!
- [LOUISE] Help us!
- [GENE] Help! - [TINA] Aah!
[LOUISE] Help! We're locked in!
We're kids! We're
adorable kids inside here!
- This is real life!
Were the walls always this close?
- How did we not see this coming?
We're supposed to be
able to see the future.
We're Clamstradamus, damn it!
[LOUISE] Help! Hat guy,
three kids are locked in here.
[GENE] Wait, we're telling the truth.
It's not just hilarious high jinks.
We apologize for trying to get you
to give us your ride tickets.
We were carefree and stupid then.
Now we know life is fragile.
[TINA] Oh, teen boy. We
sorta had a connection, right?
I'm a teen, just like
you. Stuck in this booth.
With my siblings. Please let us out.
And then we can just see
where things between us go.
Stop saying weird stuff.
[LOUISE] Wait, wait. Can
you at least find our Grandpa
and tell him that we're in here?
- Your Grandpa?
- Yes, please.
Go look for an old white
guy and bring him here.
[GENE] And maybe grab us, I don't
know, a corn dog or something?
Our Grandpa will pay you
back. He's good for it.
[GROANS] Weird.
I can't see them.
I'm starting to get a little worried.
Maybe they have a place
to make announcements,
like at supermarkets,
for when kids are missing?
No judgment on anyone
who was watching them.
None taken. Mostly.
Maybe I should call the restaurant,
see if the kids are there.
[LINDA] Oh, how cool do you look?
So personable and friendly. Yes.
My goggles are kind of fogging up.
- Can you see my eyes?
- Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.
Just the right amount of your eyes.
Okay, so what should I do?
Maybe we go away from the hammer.
What's the, uh,
friendliest tool you got?
I don't know. Maybe a wrench?
Ooh, yes, yes. A nice friendly wrench.
- Pick out a cute one.
Oop, hold on. Hey, Bob. How's the wharf?
Hey, Lin, uh, are the kids there?
No, why would they be here?
Uh, well, I'm with my dad, but, uh
We just don't have
the kids at the moment.
So I-I was just checking.
- Okay.
- But we'll find them.
We lose 'em and then we
find 'em. That's our thing.
I-I'll call you back.
Uh, or call me if they show up there.
Okay. Wait. Bob, what do you think
the friendliest tool is?
- [BOB] Uh
- How about this one?
No, no. Cuter. Do you have cuter?
Maybe. I don't know.
- What do you think about a tape measure?
- Yeah, yeah.
[WHISPERING] Teddy is terrible
at getting his picture taken.
- [BOB] What?
- Nothing. Bye. Oh, god.
How do you make a tape
measure look scary?
Uh, pliers?
- Aah!
- Ah!
Geez, what if a shark
jumped out of the ocean and
grabbed all three of 'em?
There's more sharks in these
waters every year, you know.
Sharks are having a heyday,
and they're coming for us.
Dad, when have sharks ever j
[SIGHS] You know, I-I've been meaning to
talk to you about something.
Again, not a criticism exactly, but
Okay, I hate this already.
Uh, n-never mind.
Uh, uh, maybe we should, uh, split up.
W-We can cover more ground that way.
And then we can text if we find 'em.
Okay, fine. But tutu
gorilla is coming with me.
It likes me better.
I mean, it hasn't had a chance
to get to know me, but fine.
- Hey, how's the burger?
- Very good, thank you.
Great. Let me ask you something.
Would you hire this
guy to do handyman work
- around your house?
- Oh, my. No.
I live alone. I wouldn't
have him in the house.
- Uh, what about this one?
- Would you hire him now?
- No. Mm-mm. Never.
No you could He
has done bad, bad things.
- You can tell.
- [GROANS] Linda, I told you!
I can't do it. It can't be done.
Oh, god, you're right here. Sorry.
You look less scary in
person. A little less.
I'll just go into another line of work.
I'll be a telemarketer.
- Mmm, with that voice, though?
- Gah! Oh!
Teddy! Teddy, Teddy, Teddy.
Let me just make you a burger, okay?
We'll figure this out.
Maybe don't leave me alone with him?
Actually, it's fine.
He-he's fine, right?
- Yeah, yeah, yeah.
- I'm a gentle person!
It's the pictures! It's the pictures!
Where are you kids?
Sharks can't jump out to get us
[TINA] Do we live here now?
I don't know if I
totally like the layout.
Uh, yeah, there's no TV.
And the toilet leaves
something to be desired,
'cause it's the floor.
- Oh, my god! It's dad!
- What? - Dad?
[LOUISE] He's walking away. Dad! Dad!
What if dad freaked the kids out?
Freaked them out and they ran away?
'Cause they're scared
of the ice caps melting?
- Hmm?
- Coming through.
Nobody died.
- We'll come back for that.
- Okay.
- Dad, dad!
- Dad!
[GENE] Well, let's think
about sleeping arrangements
because we are stuck
in here for the night.
I call this side.
- [LOUISE] I call this side.
- [TINA] Damn it.
Help. Somebody. Anybody. Please.
- Okay, kind of emptying out here.
- Help. Help.
- Kids not anywhere in sight.
- Help.
-Help. Help.
-Feeling fine about that. Totally fine.
Help. Help. Help.
Help us. Please help us.
I don't quite get it.
Dad's never gonna find us.
No one's ever gonna find us.
[GENE] We're gonna have
to marry each other.
- It'll be a small ceremony.
- [TINA] But tasteful.
Wait, kids? Are you in there?
Dad! Yes! We're in here!
We're talking through a
microphone in a little booth.
We're locked in. Hurry!
Hurry, it's filling up with
Tina breath and Gene farts.
[TINA] How did you know we needed you?
Could you smell us from the restaurant?
I-I didn't. I-I came
for another reason.
But where's the booth?
I-I don't understand where you are.
[GENE] To your left! I mean, your right.
Sorry, I was never good at that.
- But I have other qualities.
- Are you in here?
There's those beautiful,
sad, tired eyes.
- Yes! Yes! In here!
- The door's over here,
but it's jammed or blocked or something.
Okay, I'm coming.
[GRUNTS] I can't open it.
H-How did this happen?
[LOUISE] It was fated in the stars?
And also the booth was
empty and we went in
and someone must have locked us in here.
Ugh, I can't see any
Wonder Wharf people.
I guess I'll go get somebody?
Whoa, whoa, whoa. Hold on, father.
I'm just now realizing
that it might not be
good for the staff here
to know about the whole
"us messing around with the clam" thing.
We don't want to be
on the no-ride list.
I've heard it's very hard to get off.
Unless you know someone
in the State Department.
Yeah, w-we'll just
have to deal with that.
Geez, there is a gap here.
Maybe if I could wedge something in,
I might be able to free the bolt
and it wouldn't even be broken?
Yep. Yep.
This fell off a ride.
Uh, I'm gonna see if I can
wedge it into the doorjamb.
Also, I don't think we should let you
[GRUNTING] Ride the rides here anymore.
This place is falling apart.
Cheer up, Teddy. Who needs
pictures and websites?
I don't think the Internet's
gonna last that long anyway.
Yeah, I guess. Maybe.
Mmm! Oh, that's good.
[GASPS] Stop!
- What?
- I-I mean, don't stop.
Take another bite. I-I mean, chew first
and then take another bite.
Mm. What? Like this?
- [LINDA] That's it.
Your face. Look at your face.
Oh, yeah. I look kind of happy?
[LINDA] Yeah, you look normal and happy.
[TEDDY] It's the burger.
The food here takes the
murder out of people's eyes.
There's your handy profile picture.
Do you think it's okay
that I'm not fixing anything
- and I'm eating?
- Oh, yeah. Oh!
Get your tools and then take
a bite and hammer something.
- Okay.
- I bet Cindy Crawford did the same thing,
kept a burger right next to her.
That probably wasn't even a mole.
Just a little bit of burger.
Almost got it [STRAINING]
[TINA] Not worried that you've
been saying that for so long.
- Hell yeah! - Yes!
- Freedom!
I did it! [LAUGHS]
- I'm strong.
- Sure, you are.
So why did you come here, Dad?
Didn't trust us with Grandpa?
Thought we'd take his pills
and push him into the ocean?
No, it's not you with
him, it's him with you.
Oh, no, he's a good Grandpa.
This wasn't his fault.
It's our fault. I-I
mean, some of us said
"let's not do this" and other
people weren't receptive.
Dad, seriously, what
were you worried about?
You were acting weird in
the restaurant earlier,
but I just figured it was
a new thing you were trying.
It's just sometimes Pop
Pop can be a-a little dark?
About life? And kinda negative?
- You mean like you?
- What?
Yeah, Mr. Everything's bad all the time?
"I'm tired. I'm worried.
My back hurts. I'm Bob."
- Whoa, that's pretty good.
- Thank you.
What? No. That's not
That doesn't sound like me. That much.
- There's Pop Pop now.
Should we Clamstradamus him?
It's invigorating, you'll see.
- [TINA] Um, what?
- [BOB] No.
Also, I just got you out of there.
[GENE] I missed it a little.
Hey, you. Cool guy with
that beautiful gorilla.
Huh? What? Oh, you again.
Listen, I don't know how this works,
but did you see three kids?
'Cause I'm looking for 'em.
[LOUISE] Wow, they sound amazing.
Do you want to talk about which one
you like the best and which one
you could do without, frankly?
All right. Thank you. Goodbye.
Wait, let us tell you your future.
You're gonna live for 1,000 years.
Pfft. The world won't even
be around in a thousand years.
[GENE] 'Cause it will have moved
to a funner location, or ?
No, because it's all going to h
[BOB] Okay, that's it.
You know, I've been
trying to say this to you,
and I'm just gonna say it.
- As a talking clam.
- [LOUISE] Clamstradamus.
Dr. Clamstradamus.
[BOB] If you keep saying stuff like that
around your grandkids,
they're gonna believe you,
and then it might actually come true.
So maybe don't say horrible
stuff about the future
to people who have
to live in the future.
Like Marty McFly!
Well, for your information, Clamstra
Well, whatever your name is.
[BOB] Clamstradamus.
it says it right there.
I'm not always worried about the future.
Oh, really?
Yeah. And that's
because of my grandkids.
They might actually figure stuff out.
And, you know, fix stuff.
- Oh.
- Yeah, Mr. Deep thoughts on a rainy day.
I didn't know you felt like that.
Well, I-I'm glad we talked.
Do you mind if I go?
Oh, sure. But I've got
one last prediction
Uh, if you walk towards
the Ferris wheel,
your family will meet you there.
Okay, goodbye.
[GENE] And I predict, if
you buy five fried doughs,
they will be very appreciated.
That might have been
the best conversation
I've ever had with my dad.
Let's come back here when
you want to tell us about sex.
By the way, has Pop
Pop always walked around
with a giant gorilla, or
did he win that for us today?
- Oh yeah, he did.
- Whoo!
Hey, you know what?
Why don't you go catch up to Pop Pop?
Tell him I had to go back
to the restaurant, okay?
- Which restaurant?
- Hmm.
Enjoy the rest of your
afternoon together.
You know what I wish
we could get? Fried clams.
- I know. - Yeah.
- Oh, yeah. Me, too.
Should we wait here till
they open in the morning?
We'll come back.
My name is Clamstradamus ♪
Dr. Clamstradamus ♪
and, again, my name
is Clamstradamus ♪
Dr. Clamstradramus ♪
bow down to me ♪
who wants to know their future? ♪
I know all, I see all ♪
My name is Clamstradamus ♪
Dr. Clamstradamus ♪
and, again, my name
is Clamstradamus ♪
Dr. Clamstradamus ♪
bow down to me ♪
wait, don't go, let us
tell you your future. ♪
Previous EpisodeNext Episode