Bravest Warriors (2012) s01e09 Episode Script

Cereal Master

Start a new life Someplace Else! Mars is already overcrowded.
I'm not in denial.
If you don't want to make babies with her then why are we out before dawn to pick up some fancy gourmet breakfast? Beth gets up at sunrise and I'm surprising her with breakfast in bed.
Today's the ten year anniversary of the first time she jinxed me.
Mexican sweet bread! JINX! By Mars rules, the person who gets jinxed can't speak until he gets the winner whatever she wants, and Beth wanted One bowl of Moon Frosted Double Dolphin Smax, please.
Coming right up cutie! What makes you think she's even gonna remember this Jinx-iversary? She'll remember.
We're gonna make it special! A few Pink Hover Drops-- Hover Drops.
some gluten-free Space Mallows-- Space Mallows.
a dash of Rainbow Spit-- Rainbow Spit.
It's gonna be perfect! See this is why you need me, man.
Buying gifts for Beth is too sweet.
It probably hurts your chances of ever making five babies with her.
Our bond goes way beyond all that stereotypical male/female jive.
It's a spiritual thing! She could be a -- walrus and I would feel exactly the same way.
I present this to you in honor of a love that has no need for physical expression.
Be honest with yourself, Chris.
Go to Beth and look deep into her heart, and tell me you don't just wanna be smoochin all over that fresh little chuck wagon, breathin in that cinnamon girl air, all makin like sixty babies.
And don't forget the Seahorse Dreams! It HAS to have Seahorse Dreams.
OOooh, look at the size of your brood pouch! Sorry, I don't make Dolphin Smax that way anymore.
But Seahorse Dreams are Beth's favorite! You have to! You don't like my cooking! What? Your cooking? -No that's-- -I'm not good enough! I'm worthless! Daddy was riiight! No Cereal Master! Your daddy wasn't right.
This'll solve everything! Please stop! I'm worthlesss! You've got it all wrong! I love your cooking! You do? Yes! Thanks, okay.
I think I can bring myself to go on.
Right right on.
Yeah.
I'm back in the flow! Screw you daddy! I'm the best Cereal Master! It's not the same without seahorse dreams, man! She'll sizzle off her own face! And now, for my final ingredient! Tap water, straight from the municipal lagoon! You totally Emotion Lorded those Seahorse Dreams! What? No, I was just thinking about Beth, and It's ruined! I'm a failure! My daddy was riiight! No! Run! You can't have that it's garbage it's worthless! Run fools, run for your lives! This is why you need me, man! You're gonna show that cereal to my daddy aren't you!? I'll destroy it before you show my daddy! It's gotta be just the way Beth likes it! Wallow! Wallow Come in! I need a Quantum Doorgate back to the Hideout! Wallow, wake up! Lock onto me! Aw you know I sleep ten solid My work is garbage!! It's God! REVERE HIM! Somebody get God a Mojito! I'm a faiiiiiilure!! No lady you can't let him hurt your self esteem like that! You have a point my daddy shouldn't have that kind of power over me! Wallow, you sent me to the wrong planet! You're carrying around a lot of unresolved feelings! I seek constant validation to make up for the love my daddy withholds! It's the Devil! KILL HIM! Take away his Mojito! You know what I think I'm gonna head home and confront daddy about these issues! Be strong girl let me know how it goes! Thanks Chris you're a peach! Wait I, I got it, I got-- I got it, Oh for CRYING OUT LOUD! I'm coming, Beth! Chris? What--? Good morning.
Double Dolphin Smax? With Seahorse Dreams?! Our Jinx-iversary! I knew you'd remember.
Chris I I just want to tell you-- Jinx!!