Cow and Chicken (1997) s01e15 Episode Script

The Cow with Four Eyes

I hear they is building
a new indoor swimming pool.
They're just pulling the
wool over our heinies!
They're really
building a dungeon
for bad kids with
too many detentions!
It's a conspiracy, I say!
A clever ruse!
They're coming for us!
Coming for us, I say!
A dungeon?
Wow! What a cool job!
I bet I could drive that thing.
Only if you have a class
double-a operator's permit,
which is much harder to obtain
than a light machinery permit
but necessary,
as you will be operating
the Deere John 2000
planet pounder.
Y'all know that since your
sister got her new glasses,
it's almost as if she's
more smarter or something?
Can you help me
with my homework?
Can you teach
my frog to whistle?
Hey, Cow, can you show me
how to make
stupid armpit sounds?
My friend Cow's a genius.
Must be those new glasses
what make her so smart.
Man, wearing glasses
sure made your sister
intelligent all of a sudden.
Yeah, at least there's one
ein-steen in the family, huh?
You know, I might be
needing glasses, too.
You can't get glasses
unless the eye doctor says so.
You need a prescription.
Yeah? Then I'll get
a subscription.
Well, you've come
to Semore Butts, have you?
You've come to the right place.
Read 'em and weep.
Oh, let's see, um
100-yard Dash to the Bathroom,
by Willie Makit,
illustrated by Betty Wont.
Rusty Bedsprings,
by I.P. Freely.
That is a pretty weird
chart, doc.
You let little kids read that?
Oh, ha ha.
Tell you what.
Let's make it a little
easier on you, feller.
Try this!
Uh, fourscore
and a hundred years ago,
my dad bought me a fuzzy pickle
from the Slurp and Burp.
Hey, what do you think, Jack?
I think I need
a new prescription.
I'm going to fit you
with some glasses!
This won't hurt
For very long.
Or worse?!
Worse, worser, worsier, worsest!
Horrible! Aah!
Ooh! There you go.
Ok, four-eyes.
You're all set!
Our strongest prescription.
Man, I think I'm already
feeling myself get smart.
Thanks, Dr. Butts.
And that is why
they put the word "whiz"
on the can.
What's a spleen?
Well, the spleen is
the part of the body that--
the spleen are
an aggressive alien race
from the gamma
beta carotene star system
who plan to take over the earth.
Wow! Chicken's
smart now.
Hey, Chicken, can you
help me with my math?
Here you go, child.
Gee, thanks, Chicken.
Of course,
it is a widely known fact
that the first man on the moon
was actually Poopy the Clown.
Although Poopy was not
the first clown in space,
in clown circles,
he is most revered.
How come you are
wearing glasses, too?
You think they'll
make you smarter?
They is making me
smarter, dummy.
You are just jealous.
Now let me go, or I will tell
everyone you milked the bed.
Ahem so anyways,
the earth really is flat,
as well as the other 37 planets,
thus making our solar system
look like a giant
coin collection.
Aah! That's it!
What is "it"?
Chicken can use his
real high intelligence
to operate the big machine
and destroy the dungeon
before it's finished!
It's up to you
to save us, Chicken!
Uh, well, I, uh
Save us, Chicken.
Yeah, Chicken.
You um
Save us?
Yeah, save us.
- Save us!
- Save us!
Stop, brother!
You're going to get hurt!
Come on, Chicken!
Save these kids from the
evil school dungeon!
All right,
this dungeon is toast.
There goes the sandbox.
At least he didn't hit the
basketball courts.
Oh, no! Chicken
is heading for
the Rancho Tumores Nuclear Power
Plant next to our school!
No! Moo!
Check it out!
Supercow has glasses
just like cow does.
¡Supercow al rescate!
Que te salvo, hermano.
I'm afraid I'll have
to give you detention
for this nuclear thing, Chicken.
Not only did you
level the school,
you blew up the
indoor swimming pool
we were building.
Thanks loads, Larry.
Dear Cow, I appreciate you
not telling Mom and Dad about
that nuclear incident.
Oh oh
What are you doing, Cow?
Oh, Mom bought me these new
fashion contact lenses
that go with my muzzle color.
Now I'll be really popular.
Yeah, I'm happy for you, Cow.
That does nothing
for my popularity.
I know. I will get
orthopedic shoes
and run for class president!
Or maybe braces!
Or both!
"You must be
this tall to ride."
Aw, dang!
I'm too short!
Oh, this is great!
Right, Chicken?
Yeah, great.
I'm having the time of my life!
You don't need pants
for the victory dance ♪
'Cause Baboon
better than Weasel ♪
I.R. Baboon,
big star of cartoon ♪
I.M. Weasel!
I.R. Baboon
reigns king in his mind ♪
He's just as good
as the weaselly kind ♪
But round every corner,
he's likely to find ♪
I.M. Weasel.
I.M. Weasel.
I.M. Weasel!
This better not offend me.
Boring, boring, boring.
Boring paramecium.
I.R. hate.
All same-looking.
Could train monkey
for this job doing.
I'm afraid this
is the worst case
of athlete's face
I have ever seen.
Ha ha ha!
Why is always Weasel
getting work for exotic cases?
Why not sometimes
I.R. get to try finding curing?
Excuse me. The mold between
your toes has inspired me.
Ah, gee, thanks!
Thanks a million,
Dr. Weasel!
Oh, how can I ever repay you?
Uh! Oh!
Gee. Dang it.
I'm sorry.
Gee, well, I hope
you're not hurt.
Not to worry.
Now people
with athlete's face
have no control over
their forehead feet.
Get some rest.
I'll be back in a few hours.
Don't fret.
I will find a cure.
Oh, at last!
Big chance I get.
Now I.R. finding curing.
Heh heh heh!
I.R. better than weasel ♪
I.R. finding curing ♪
Holy mackerel!
What have you done, man?
I.R. make big
science breakthrough,
find cure of athlete's face.
You call this a cure?
Cure have unexpected
side effect.
Quick. Give me
that flit.
You just want to steal formula of I.R.
This cure makes
mankind more better.
It helping people.
Already patient surrounded
by loving friends.
I bringing new discovery
to world!
I.R. Baboon!
No! This is insanity!
Why cry are you?
I need construction
workers to help me
finish this skyscraper,
but no one will work for me.
Why no one work for you?
Because I'm a jerk.
I.R. help you.
This is supposed to help me?
Holding your horses.
See, now you have many jerks
for finishing your building.
That did it.
Don't worry.
I'm a doctor.
Say "ah"
Well, at least
it's a homo sapien,
and that's a good start.
I--I still feel kind
of weird, Mr. Weasel.
Oh, you have look of depression.
Why, that's very
perceptive of you.
I am feeling a little low.
Why that?
Well, I'm lonely.
I have no friends.
I fix!
Oh, great. Now I'll be
the life of the party.
Now you
are party. See?
Never be lonely again.
All right, gentlemen,
stay where you are.
Well, at least
I've made some progress.
I think--i think
I'm going to hurl.
What's the matter
to you, little girl?
No one will play
basketball with me.
They say it's because
I'm a girl!
I sorry.
You mean you'll play with me?
No. You play
with youse.
Play ball!
Look what that bad
man did to me!
"Bad man"?
I have found the antidote.
It is a little-known property
in generic lime gelatin.
Please, allow me to spray you all.
All set?
Wow! Yay! Hurray!
Awesome, Weasel!
You're the man!
You are great!
Awesome, Weasel!
Nobody like me now.
I not have friend in world.
Yee! Yee! Yee
Heh heh heh!
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