Cow and Chicken (1997) s01e23 Episode Script

The Legend of SailCat

So the witch starts
walking up the stairs,
saying, "who took my uvula?
How dare youse
touch my uvula?"
The witch is standing
right outside the bedroom door.
The kids hiding in the bedroom
can smell stinky, garlicky,
oniony, manurey breath
Seeping through the keyhole.
"Who took my uvula?"
She says again.
And then, suddenly--
Who's there?!
It might be Bigfoot.
It is Bigfoot!
Hey, Chicken.
What's a u-u-u
What is a u-u-u
A uvula?
Aah! Aah!
Where are you, Chicken?
Jeez, Cow! What are
you doing here?
You forgot your
hairbrush, big brother.
Mom sent me out here
to give it to you.
Ooh! Well,
you can't stay!
This here is a man's camp-out.
No womens allowed.
Ain't that right, fellas?
Uh, yeah.
That's not fair.
I want to play camping!
I'm telling Mom!
Boo hoo hoo!
Girls can't!
You big crybaby.
Hey, kids.
I got a story for you.
It'll scare the warts
right off your behinds.
Is it scarier than
"the monkey's bladder"?
Oh, ho ho ho ho!
Much scarier.
Creepier than
"the butcher's tongue"?
10 times creepier.
Worse than "the witch's uvula"?
What's a uvula?
Yep. Stranger and creepier
than all them put together.
I'm about to tell you
the legend of Sailcat.
There's danger
out on the nation's roads ♪
They're paved with snakes
and flattened toads ♪
And truckers
driving rigs so big ♪
They can flatten a cow!
Or a horse!
Or a manatee!
And those who survive
are a lucky few ♪
But there's one brave cat
who made it through ♪
And I'm here to tell
the tale to you ♪
Of Sailcat
He was hunting for mouse
to feed his face ♪
When strange radiation
from outer space ♪
Turned him into
a super invincible cat ♪
When a truck ran him down
with a hideous splat ♪
He couldn't be killed,
but he still could be squished ♪
And he lay in the passing lane
shaking his fist ♪
Then some kids helped him fly
with a flick of the wrist ♪
And that was the birth
of Sailcat
He rolled after that truck
like a buzz saw unleashed ♪
And he sliced it in two
like a knife through a peach ♪
One truck half took the high
road, the other the low ♪
And the message went out
on C.B. radio ♪
Breaker, breaker. Look out.
Watch your back. Be afraid.
There's a frisbee-like cat
who's a mighty sharp blade.
So the feared and revered ♪
Reputation was made ♪
Of Sailcat
He'd been known to cut redwoods
and stop a whole fleet ♪
When a family of tapeworms
was crossing the street ♪
And when Mom's having trouble
with Thanksgiving plans ♪
He has even dropped by
to help open some cans ♪
And when someone's depressed
or has had a bad day ♪
He inherently knows
just the right things to say ♪
Don't be depressed, Cow.
People love you because
you're big and fat and ugly.
Go with it.
Then he'll ask for a toss
and be on his way ♪
He's sailcat
Hey! Wait a second,
Flem's Dad.
I thought this was supposed
to be a scary story.
It was scary when sailcat
cut that truck in half.
Yeah, well, sort of,
but what is this "don't
be depressed, Cow" stuff?
That ain't scary.
Yeah. We want
scary, Dad.
I thought it was a lovely story.
Well, it's time
for dinner. Let's eat.
Our dinner's gone!
It's Bigfoot!
He stole our dinner!
Oh, man! Now what are we
supposed to eat?
Well ha ha ha!
I did bring
a dozen cans of
sugar-frosted wienies.
Ok. Where's
the can opener?
Well, perhaps it's time
we went to bed.
Dang, I'm tired.
Ha ha ha!
What are you
doing in my bag, Cow?
Where's yours?
I left it
at the bottom of the trail.
It was too hard for me to carry the
sleeping bag and your hairbrush.
Wh-what was that?
I can't see.
It's too dark.
It might be a uvula!
Wait! I-I think it's,
uh could it be?
It's going away.
Wait! Look!
The cans of sugar-frosted
wienies are all opened.
Flem's Dad, wake up!
Sailcat's here!
Oh! Thank you,
wherever you are.
Yeah. These sugar-frosted wienies
ain't so bad on a empty stomach.
"You must be
this tall to ride."
Aw, dang!
I'm too short.
Oh! This is great!
Right, Chicken?
Yeah. Hey!
I'm having the time
of my liiife!
You don't need pants
for the victory dance ♪
'Cause Baboon better
than Weasel ♪
I.R. Baboon,
big star of cartoon ♪
I.M. Weasel.
I.R. Baboon reigns king
in his mind ♪
He's just as good
as the weaselly kind ♪
But round every corner,
he's likely to find ♪
I.M. Weasel.
I.M. Weasel!
I.M. Weasel!
Season's greetings!
Merry Christmas!
Washing clothes-ing ♪
Washing clothes-ing ♪
Washing clothes-ing ♪
Washing clothes-ing ♪
I still can wearing these.
Family of I.R. is here?
What they doing?
Hi, honey!
We thought it would
be a nice surprise
to come and visit you
for Christmas.
Huh! Christmas?
I.R. embarrassed.
I forget Christmas.
O Tannenbaum, o tannenbaum, ♪
I have to get this place clean ♪
Oh! I.R. Need tree!
Oh! What amazing
Their likeness to
real baboons is remarkable.
Good night!
They are real baboons!
I'd better thaw them out
at my place.
What a beautiful home you have!
Why, thank you, Miss
Mrs. Baboon.
And this
is Mr. Baboon.
Ooh! Ooh!
The pleasure is mine, sir.
And this is my daughter Barbie.
Pleased to make your
acquaintance, Miss Barbie.
Ooh! That you?
Yes. I was an orphan
as a child,
but I've been blessed with a
wonderful extended family.
Say! How about helping me
decorate my tree?
Ooh! Ooh! Ooh!
Ooh! Ooh! All!
This is great Christmas ever!
O tandeebaum,
o tandeebaum ♪
Where forever
art thou beautiful ♪
through the snow ♪
In a one-horse
open sleigh ♪
O'er the fields
we go ♪
all the way ♪
Ho ho ho ho!
Oh! All of time,
Weasel get all things not his.
Now Weasel steal
I.R.'s family.
That not right!
Enemies of I.R. will have
very bad holiday this year.
Santa no bringing
presents for traitors.
Army surplus man
strike good deal for I.R.
I go back for more
land mines next Christmas.
I.R. bad person!
All percent bad!
What kind of person would defile
Christmas in this manner?
Hmm. The person responsible is
obviously a lonely and bitter shut-in.
I know!
Ho ho ho ho!
It came upon
a midnight clear ♪
That glorious ♪
My baby!
Mr. Weasel
took us caroling.
He said you was
a shut-in, honey.
Well, I'll be.
My work is done here.
Dang! That's the seventh time this
evening this has happened to me.
I'm beginning to think that
Christmas just isn't worth it!
Follow me, Saint Nicky.
Have a look.
It is worth it.
It really is.
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