Cow and Chicken (1997) s03e23 Episode Script
Night of the Ed
1
Mama had a chicken. ♪
Mama had a cow. ♪
Dad was proud, he didn't care how. ♪
Cow! ♪
Chicken! ♪
Cow and Chicken! ♪
All right, girls, power up!
It is over, Dr. Hoseman!
Funny, this show looks exactly
like the backs of Cow and Chicken.
Oh, hush, please?
This is the pan
Where the Atomic School Girl
Commandos defeat Doctor Hoseman!
Goodness!
You know, this family needs a pet!
Hey, where's Dad?
I think he went to get you kids a pet!
A pet?
Cool!
Maybe it will be a big,
slobberin' pit bull with three legs!
And we could name it Tippy!
Perhaps it will be a soft,
sweet little field mouse
whom I will love and hug and call Enrique!
He's back!
Stand back, kids!
What is it?
It ain't no puppy.
Hey!
His name's Ed. He's the best pet ever!
He was on sale. And he's been spayed!
Whatever that means.
Oh, Dad!
This is the dadliest thing you've ever done.
Let's go out and celebrate!
Yeah, baby! Yeah!
Cow, get your ample frame off my hands.
Oh, Big Brother!
Our couch has been disemboweled!
And now the TV is dead!
It is upstairs now!
He could be eating my Manure!
The bear doll! That's it!
I ain't lettin' that thing,
whatever it is, eat me!
Oh, yeah, this oughta do the trick.
Cow, you go stand at the foot of the stairs.
Okay, when that thing shows
his ugly mug again
Yeah?
I'm gonna take this crow bar
Yeah?
I'm gonna take this crow bar
and I'm gonna pry this door open
then we run like we ain't never run before!
Wait!
What is it?
What's a jackal?
I think Ed is a jackal.
Oh, look!
"What to do if your jackal gets loose."
Yeah, yeah, wait, wait,
what's it, what's it say?
Step one. Panic.
I'm there! Step two?
Step two. There is no step two.
Step three, dig a jackal pit
using the enclosed jackal shovel.
Oh, man! They gave us the wrong shovel!
A koala shovel?
Well, we will try it anyway.
You can do it, Chicken!
Dig like the wind, Big Brother!
Step four, disguise your hole.
Now what?
Now we wait.
A koala?
Stupid Koala Shovel!
Oh, whatever shall we do now?
We're done for!
It is but a miniature jackal!
A vicious miniature jackal!
We're doomed, Cow! It's over!
It ain't over till the fat lady sings.
Hey, I'm fat! And I can sing!
Singing always soothes the savage beast.
Oh, oh, oh, oh to joy, I am not boy! ♪
I have got a u-u-udder bigger ♪
than my brother. ♪
Oh my, your voice is so beautiful.
Like the sound of a thousand songbirds
backed by a full girlie man choir.
You must be Ed. I am Cow.
And this is my Big Brother, Chicken!
Pleased to meet you both.
Oh, pardon me,
I must use the little cow's room.
Cow! Come out and sing!
Hey, the jackal's gone nuts again!
Oh, sorry, but I am occupado.
I wish I was a little bar of soap. ♪
Oh, I wish I was a little bar of soap. ♪
I'd go blah-blah-blah-blah-blah, ♪
oh baby, I'm excited. ♪
I wish I was a little bar of soap. ♪
Good.
Oh, lookie! A doggie!
Come on, puppy! We ain't got no dog.
You can live with us!
He likes us!
Oh, lucky day, Earl!
We all got ourselves a little doggie!
Mama had a chicken. ♪
Mama had a cow. ♪
Dad was proud, he didn't care how. ♪
Cow! ♪
Chicken! ♪
Cow and Chicken! ♪
All right, girls, power up!
It is over, Dr. Hoseman!
Funny, this show looks exactly
like the backs of Cow and Chicken.
Oh, hush, please?
This is the pan
Where the Atomic School Girl
Commandos defeat Doctor Hoseman!
Goodness!
You know, this family needs a pet!
Hey, where's Dad?
I think he went to get you kids a pet!
A pet?
Cool!
Maybe it will be a big,
slobberin' pit bull with three legs!
And we could name it Tippy!
Perhaps it will be a soft,
sweet little field mouse
whom I will love and hug and call Enrique!
He's back!
Stand back, kids!
What is it?
It ain't no puppy.
Hey!
His name's Ed. He's the best pet ever!
He was on sale. And he's been spayed!
Whatever that means.
Oh, Dad!
This is the dadliest thing you've ever done.
Let's go out and celebrate!
Yeah, baby! Yeah!
Cow, get your ample frame off my hands.
Oh, Big Brother!
Our couch has been disemboweled!
And now the TV is dead!
It is upstairs now!
He could be eating my Manure!
The bear doll! That's it!
I ain't lettin' that thing,
whatever it is, eat me!
Oh, yeah, this oughta do the trick.
Cow, you go stand at the foot of the stairs.
Okay, when that thing shows
his ugly mug again
Yeah?
I'm gonna take this crow bar
Yeah?
I'm gonna take this crow bar
and I'm gonna pry this door open
then we run like we ain't never run before!
Wait!
What is it?
What's a jackal?
I think Ed is a jackal.
Oh, look!
"What to do if your jackal gets loose."
Yeah, yeah, wait, wait,
what's it, what's it say?
Step one. Panic.
I'm there! Step two?
Step two. There is no step two.
Step three, dig a jackal pit
using the enclosed jackal shovel.
Oh, man! They gave us the wrong shovel!
A koala shovel?
Well, we will try it anyway.
You can do it, Chicken!
Dig like the wind, Big Brother!
Step four, disguise your hole.
Now what?
Now we wait.
A koala?
Stupid Koala Shovel!
Oh, whatever shall we do now?
We're done for!
It is but a miniature jackal!
A vicious miniature jackal!
We're doomed, Cow! It's over!
It ain't over till the fat lady sings.
Hey, I'm fat! And I can sing!
Singing always soothes the savage beast.
Oh, oh, oh, oh to joy, I am not boy! ♪
I have got a u-u-udder bigger ♪
than my brother. ♪
Oh my, your voice is so beautiful.
Like the sound of a thousand songbirds
backed by a full girlie man choir.
You must be Ed. I am Cow.
And this is my Big Brother, Chicken!
Pleased to meet you both.
Oh, pardon me,
I must use the little cow's room.
Cow! Come out and sing!
Hey, the jackal's gone nuts again!
Oh, sorry, but I am occupado.
I wish I was a little bar of soap. ♪
Oh, I wish I was a little bar of soap. ♪
I'd go blah-blah-blah-blah-blah, ♪
oh baby, I'm excited. ♪
I wish I was a little bar of soap. ♪
Good.
Oh, lookie! A doggie!
Come on, puppy! We ain't got no dog.
You can live with us!
He likes us!
Oh, lucky day, Earl!
We all got ourselves a little doggie!