Cow and Chicken (1997) s04e06 Episode Script

I Scream Man

Hey, Piggie! There you go, tubby!
Looks like
it'll be the best Arbor Day Piggie ever!
Arbor Day!
The most romantic holiday of the year.
Plant a tree, crack open a piggie!
Man! Sounds like a bird hit the window!
Let's give it up, Cow.
Somehow I don't think us chickens
are meant to fly.
Sure you are!
You got wings, don't you not?
Wow, big brother! You flew!
Want to do it again?
Oh, man!
Trying to get you to fly sure
is hard work, Chicken!
I have got dry horns!
Yeah, I know what you mean.
My wattle is getting all wrinkly.
I could sure use something
to wet my whistle.
Something besides that.
Look, the
ice cream man!
Oh, buy me an ice cream, big brother!
Hey, I was gonna ask you for one.
I'm broke!
Let's go crack open the Arbor Day Piggie!
Oh, if Dad catches us,
he will have your hide, Cow!
Oh, but the ice cream man is almost here!
We have got to hurry!
May we please crack you
open, Mr. Piggie?
I got him!
Come back, Piggie!
Oh, geez.
What's going on in here?
We are busted.
Oh, you kids know that you can't open
this Piggie until Arbor Day.
And that's three days away.
Oh, crud. No ice cream.
Wait, kids!
Why don't you beat open
your college education pinata?
Hey, good thinking, mama!
Who needs an education tomorrow.
When you can eat ice cream today!
Cow? Grab a bat!
All righty!
Jackpot! There's your ice cream money!
Oh, goodie!
But the ice cream truck
must be blocks away by now!
Hey, you can ride
the Arbor Day Piggie after it!
He might squeal, but heck,
he's only got three days anyhow!
Ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding!
That stupid song is driving me nuts!
Oh, Mr. Ice Cream man?
Wait up!
They're after my ice cream!
Oh, that's all they ever want.
What about me?
What about my needs?
This is madness!
Oh, leave me alone!
Get off my back!
Quit persecuting me!
Oh, I'm getting away!
Hey, ice cream man!
It's the heat!
Oh, man! What does he want?
Say, nice Arbor Day Piggie you got there.
Only three more days
and you can crack him open!
You kids order first.
I'll have a triple scoop meat-cicle, please?
Oh, crud!
I must have thrown out all my ice cream
at those funny looking kids.
Here you go, Doc.
Hey! This is just a cone with ice cubes in it!
And your point is?
Do you have any gravy freezies?
Frozen pork butt-ups?
A beaver tail cone surprise?
How about a beaver in a cone?
I can't take it anymore!
I don't have any ice cream!
And don't want to ever!
I don't even like ice cream. Or kids!
It says "Eye Screem" on my truck.
Not "ice cream!"
Get it? 'Cause I scream!
Look at me, hm?
Screaming is my hobby!
It's the padded cell for you, Scream Man!
Hey, Cow and Chicken?
Why the long faces?
How about
some frozen Arbor Day Piggie Pops?
Piggie Pops?
Okay, that is it! Time out!
I've put up with enough
psychological torture for one pig!
You guys are cannibals!
Do you hear me?
You're all off your nut!
What is up with that?
You know, mama?
We lose more Arbor Day Piggies that way.
So what are you in for? Did you "squeal"?
Get it?
No actual Arbor Day Piggies were hurt
in the making of this film.
But I was. My feelings were hurt.
More than once.
Well, there was the first time in scene forty.
And then once in scene fifty-seven and
Did you know that I do my own stunts?
No stunt double for The Red Guy.
Oh, no, no, no, no.
Feiss will not spring for that! No!
I'm not good enough for a stunt double.
Life's not fair!
All right, you can end now.
Hello! I'm not a dentist,
but I've seen one on TV.
Proper dental hygiene starts at home!
And of course, you mustn't forget to floss!
I still haven't figured out
what this has to do with teeth.
You don't need pants
for the victory dance ♪
'Cause Baboon
better than Weasel ♪
I.R. Baboon, big
star of cartoon ♪
I.M. Weasel.
I.R. Baboon reigns
king in his mind ♪
He's just as good as
the weaselly kind ♪
But round every corner,
he's likely to find ♪
I.M. Weasel.
I.M. Weasel!
I.M. Weasel!
Hey, Chet?
Chet, old man, you ready yet?
Almost time
for our battle to the death and all.
I'm sorry, Weasel. I can't battle you today.
I have a horrible
terrible cold.
You'll have to find another gladiator.
Well, get well soon.
This is horrible!
There are thousands of
meat thirsty Romans up there
waiting for a battle.
And now they are going to be
You! The mule shaver!
How would you like to be a Gladiator?
I not knowing what "Gladiator" meaning.
But if it having word "glad" in it,
it must be good.
All hail the Emperor Gluteus Maximus!
Let the games begin!
In this corner,
weighing in at ten and one-half pounds,
eight ounces of pure rock solid muscle
and downy soft fur,
the reigning Champion
I.M. Weasel!
And in this corner is
I.R. Baboon!
Choose your weapons
and come out fighting!
He picked the sturgeon!
Oh, this is going to be icky!
I hope it are cherry!
What you doing?
I am fighting you!
And I suggest you fight back!
These people want action!
Hot dogs! Get your hot dogs here!
I'll take two!
Stop! Don't making me use this!
What I.R. ever doing to hurt Weasel?
This is my job! Nothing personal!
Being a Gladiator
may be uncouth and barbaric
But the entertainment deeds
of the public must be fulfilled!
Goodie, goodie!
Oh, they're beating each other senseless!
Oh, bravo! Bravo!
Do it already!
I can't do it!
I cannot harm this poor creature!
Get back to work!
This is a battle to the death!
Not a chili cook-off!
I will not slay this man today.
Oh, well, very well.
If you won't fight each other,
you'll fight the lions!
Oh, great!
Now we are having to fight lions!
No more fighting!
We will use passive resistance.
Just relax, Baboon. We shall prevail.
You know,
this was fun for the first six hours.
But now it is getting really old.
Hey, Carl? I'm bored.
You want to go chew up somebody else?
Yeah, sure, Larry.
How's about tubby up there?
Oh, yeah! He's plump!
Did we winning?
When fighting is involved, Baboon,
nobody really wins.
But if somebody had,
it would have been the lions.
This is great!
I'm getting mauled!
Oh, I'm no longer just a couch potato!
I'm involved!
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