Cow and Chicken (1997) s04e08 Episode Script

Send in the Clowns

What a beautiful day!
Oh, lookie! The house next door sold!
Hey, kids!
Kids, kids, kids! Get a load of this!
A tiny car!
Looks like
we're gonna get some new neighbors.
A clown man!
He's wearing lipstick.
He must be the man of the house.
Oh, boy. A clown mom.
Oh, they like each other!
This must be their daughter?
Forget about it.
Why, they're just a bunch of clowns.
Well, gotta do the neighborly thing.
"Push for clowns."
Good afternoon, Sir!
I'm your next door neighbor,
and it's long been a custom
in my country to
welcome new neighbors
to the neighborhood.
So, welcome, habla espanol?
Quite an interesting place you got here.
Yes, Sir. Pretty interesting.
Well! I do not know what that means
where you come from, mister!
But in this barrio, that is an insult!
I do not want you going near these clowns!
They are weird!
And probably vegetarians!
So long, Mom!
I'm off to work.
Whatever it is I do.
Hey, Clown Boy!
What's with you and those pajamas?
Allow me.
Right this way, Sir.
Oh, do something clown-like!
Oh, watch me now!
Hey, let's play hookey!
All righty!
Your mama's got a peg leg
like a kick stand!
Your mama's got a glass eye
with a fish in it!
What the Sam Hill is going on here?
All right, Clown Boy, out!
And as for you, young lady?
You are to stay away from that
You're grounded!
And and take off that ridiculous wig!
Hey, Clown Dad?
Seems your Clown Boy son was playing
hookey with my innocent little Cow.
Right now,
she's up in her room covered in
grease paint!
Oh, Piles, how can I go on?
Separated from the Clown
of my dreams?
I'm Piles the Beaver. Hey.
I'll never love again!
Clowns and Cows just don't mix.
Your hefty little sister
will just have to get
Hey! What was that?
Our other new neighbors are beatniks!
Looks like he's some kind
of gentleman or something.
You know,
I think I hate mimes more than clowns.
Ninety-nine, one-hundred.
You know, a lot of people ask me,
"Cow? How do you keep your muzzle
so soft and supple?"
Well, first I slather mayonnaise
all over myself every night
so I will be soft and kinda pinkish.
And it makes my pin hairs stand out.
And pickle slices
are a must for my beauty sleep.
You don't need pants
for the victory dance ♪
'Cause Baboon
better than Weasel ♪
I.R. Baboon, big
star of cartoon ♪
I.M. Weasel.
I.R. Baboon reigns
king in his mind ♪
He's just as good as
the weaselly kind ♪
But round every corner,
he's likely to find ♪
I.M. Weasel.
I.M. Weasel!
I.M. Weasel!
Why is those kids always run,
running around?
They're just playing "War."
I.R. Junior? Little Weasel? Come here!
How would you like to hear a story?
Sure, Grandpa Weasel.
Let me get my family album out.
Let's see now
Lookie here!
My great-great-great grandfather,
Jeremiah Weasel.
He fought in a real war.
The Revolutionary War.
It all started
with the King and Queen of England.
Forty-three million,
three-hundred and ninety-eight thousand,
two hundred and seventeen.
Forty-three million,
three-hundred and ninety-eight thousand,
two hundred and eighteen!
Your Royal Hineyness? Bad news.
The Royal Treasury is down to its
last one hundred billion shillings!
My last one hundred billion?
How could that have happened?
Where could I get more money?
Think! Think!
We could tax the colonies?
What colonies?
The American's, Your Hineyness.
The Colonies!
Oh, that's a great idea!
Well, what are you waiting for?
Now, where was I?
Oh, yes! One, two, three
His Royal Hineyness,
the King and Queen of England,
hereby decrees a tax on all pants?
What is pants?
Come on, it's time we show the King
what we think of his taxes!
So the colonists dumped all the pants
into Boston Harbor.
They did what?
Send in the Red Coats!
And that led to the battle
at Fort Ticonderoga.
Baboon! Ready the cannon!
Aim cannon!
Fire cannon!
In the name of freedom,
I demand you fire the cannon!
They're firing baboons! Retreat!
Well, what do you know?
A perfect specimen Red Butt Monkey.
The Zoo. Sounds nice.
Bad news, Sire. We lost Fort Ticonderoga.
Well, go look for it someplace else!
And stop bothering me!
What a historical day!
The signing of the Declaration
of Independence!
I've been practicing my signature all week.
I.R. signing Declaration, too?
Don't be absurd.
Only important people can sign it.
Come in.
Here I am.
That was a good one, Ben!
All right, joke's over.
Simmer down, guys.
Gentlemen, for too long
we've suffered under the King's tyranny.
T.J.'s right.
We want the freedom to wear pants.
John Hancock?
Put your John Hancock
on this famous document.
Put your, Weasel on this famous document.
I.R. can signing, too,
same as everyone else
of funny wig wearing men?
Baboon? I told you
Let the monkey sign it.
It's for everyone. That includes him, too.
Be careful!
Don't worry. I.R. wiping ink off.
No! No! You're ruining it!
Give me that!
I.R. not finished to sign!
Oh, yes you are!
My document!
Get that monkey and Weasel!
Keep running!
You get the Baboon!
I'll go for the monkey!
I can't believe you ruined the Declaration
of Independence!
Do me a favor?
Just go stand over there
and don't touch anything.
I don't want you destroying
any more historical artifacts.
What was that?
Hey, you stupid monkey!
You cracked the Liberty Bell!
Hey! Somebody stop that red butt monkey!
Oh, look!
Here's Jeremiah Weasel at Valley Forge.
Men, I know it looks hopeless,
but we must keep our spirits up.
We have to hang together or else
wait a minute.
Where's Baboon?
Fall in line, soldier!
General Washington, Sir!
Men, the British forces are upon us.
We're cold, wounded, and out-numbered.
I'm afraid there's nothing else to do but
The butt? A butt? Funny butt!
Wait a minute, that's it!
You know,
that's so crazy it just might work.
Look, they've got a baboon!
Why don't we have a baboon?
We don't need a baboon!
Steady men.
About butts!
And so, they laughed so hard
they couldn't fight.
I'm terribly sorry, old man,
I owe you an apology.
Those fake butts really saved the war.
But grandpa?
What ever happened to the King
and Queen of England?
King and Queen of England Pizza delivery!
Your pizza in five minutes or less,
or it's on me.
You're one minute late.
All right, I guess it's on me.
I'll never forgive my ancestors
for screwing up!
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