Cow and Chicken (1997) s04e12 Episode Script

Penalty Wheel

Ladies and gerbils!
Welcome to another edition of
"You Ben Pantced?"
And here's your host,
the handsome and irresponsible
Ben Pantced!
Oh, yay! Ben Pantced! Big money!
Welcome to "You Ben Pantced?"
I know I have.
And I'd like to introduce my lovely co-star,
Miss Vanna Hiney!
Let's meet this week's contestants!
Number One, what's your name?
And how much do I weigh?
My name is Flem.
And you weigh
three hundred and fifty pounds!
Wrong! I'm a svelte one-sixty.
Okay, Number Two,
your name and occupation?
My name is Earl! And I go to school!
Yeah, I'll bet!
Contestant Number Three,
what's your name?
And why are you here?
My name is Chicken.
And my mom and dad made me come!
Contestant Number Four,
what's your name?
And what have you got in your hands?
My name is Cow.
And these are my udders!
You don't say?
Today's lucky winners on
"You Ben Pantced?"
will take home Ben Pantced Life Savings!
The losers must spin the Penalty Wheel!
Contestant Number One?
That's me.
So, young man,
you have three seconds to
pave a section of road
paint a masterpiece!
And cook breakfast
for twelve hungry lumberjacks!
Time's up!
What does he have to do, boys and girls?
Who cares?
That's right! Spin the Penalty Wheel!
Big money! Big money!
Spin! Spin! Spin!
Come on! Come on!
Oh, no! Not "eat candy"?
Well, that ain't so bad! I likes candy!
You won't be saying that in twenty years
when you have a mouthful of cavities!
Contestant Number Two!
Count the "peas" in the jar
tune a twelve string banjo,
and wrestle an alligator!
Time's up!
Spin! Spin! Spin!
I cannot watch!
Eat ice cream?
Oh, goodie! I like ice cream!
Well, he won't be so happy
when he gets that terrible pain
in the back of his head!
Like this.
Brain ache! Brain freeze!
Oh, I hate that!
Oh, that's you, Chicken!
I ain't playing!
Oh, Contestant Number Three?
Come on down!
Oh, but you could win
Ben Pantced's Life Savings!
If you're not in, you can't win.
It's a stupid game and I ain't playing.
If you won't play the game,
then you have to spin the Penalty Wheel!
Let me go! I don't want to spin!
Spin it!
Bite chocolate!
Geez, what kind of penalty is that?
Well, you think you're so smart?
Every idiot knows that chocolate
is loaded with fat!
Stupid game.
Contestant Number Four!
That's me!
Are you ready, Number Four?
Oh, yes, Mr. Pantced!
Well, then let's get Pantced!
I hope there's no more alligators.
Fly around the world three times
lift a ten ton truck above your head
and speak fluent Spanish!
Fluent Spanish?
And remember,
you've got only three seconds.
Oh, no!
I told ya this game was stupid!
What a minute!
Cow? Go find Super Cow!
Super Cow!
Super Cow!
I hope you're ready, because
Where'd she go?
Viva Super Cow!
La Reina de los campeones!
Ahorra, vengo amigos!
Go, Super Cow!
Time's almost up!
Senor Pantced!
It's Super Cow!
He ganado!
Dame sus ahorros!
You have won Ben Pantced's Life Savings!
It's just a nickel!
We've been pantced!
Oye, Don Pantced!
Now, now, Mr. Cow.
You don't want to hurt
the host of the show!
Hey, boys and girls!
Looks like it's time to
Spin the Penalty Wheel!
Ladies and gentlemen,
the great poet and thespian,
Lance Sackless.
To be a good actor,
one, of course, has to look good!
A smart costume is a must.
Notice how this ruffly shirt
accentuates my talents.
Thank you, Lance Sackless.
Mon plesure.
You don't need pants
for the victory dance ♪
'Cause Baboon
better than Weasel ♪
I.R. Baboon, big
star of cartoon ♪
I.M. Weasel.
I.R. Baboon reigns
king in his mind ♪
He's just as good as
the weaselly kind ♪
But round every corner,
he's likely to find ♪
I.M. Weasel.
I.M. Weasel!
I.M. Weasel!
Hurry up, Baboon!
You are nine hours late!
I am terribly cross with you.
Do you have anything to say for yourself?
I was just
Nine hours!
Your work ethic is horrendous!
But I.R
Do you not realize
that this may be the most important day
in the history of beach wear?
But I.R. trying
Oh, no!
I will not listen to any of your lame excuses.
Here, just help me with the top.
What? No! You ninny!
It goes down here.
Now, let's get this show on the road!
Are you ready to break
the world land speed record?
I.R.! I.R.!
Let's roll!
Hang on, I.R.!
We're about to revolutionize the field
of personal transportation!
Hold your breath, old man!
We're about to break the sound barrier!
I've done it!
I've created cheap, efficient transportation
in the form of a bikini!
I.M. Weasel!
Yeah! Me, too is so!
Well, anyhow, we'll make millions!
Okay. Yeah!
You can stop now, I.R. We're done.
Stop? I.R. can't stopping.
What do you mean you can't stop?
That what I.R. trying to telling you.
I.R. being late
cause I.R. not being able to finding brakes.
We have no brakes?
But you not worrying.
I.R. stop the old fashioned way.
Just steer me!
This is horrible!
We just keep going faster and faster!
And whosoever digs a tunnel
through the mountain first
will be declared the winner.
Whether it be John Thomas,
The Steel Driving Man
or the Amazing Digging Machine.
Begin digging your tunnels on my mark.
Ready? And
Look out!
Good thing I.R. wearing helmet!
I'm king of the world!
I'm sorry, boys.
There's nothing that
modern medicine can do for you.
I'm terribly sorry.
So, get out of here!
Oh, man, I'm good!
We just passed the speed of smell!
Next is the speed of light!
What are after speed of light?
Any third grader knows that!
After the speed of light
Is the speed of heavy.
What after that?
I suspect we're about to find out.
We have traveled to another dimension!
This is amazing!
Were I not trapped under six tons of rock
I would certainly explore
this strange new dimension.
Crash giving I.R. headache-ing.
You think you're hurt?
I've almost certainly fractured
my butt gland!
Sweet jumping mother of marmalade!
They're beautiful!
Baked hams in sky!
Greeting, non-ham life forms!
Congratulations on being the first
of your kind to reach our dimension.
What should I.R. doing?
Mother saying
never to talking to strange hams.
We are not really baked hams.
We have merely taken on
the shape of baked ham.
Your puny intellects could not possibly
comprehend our true form.
Baboon! No!
Please! We are not real ham!
Your puny taste buds could not possibly
comprehend our true flavor.
We will happily share with you
the secrets of the universe.
We will reveal the secret
of the beginning of time.
We will tell you who your real father is.
And let you see the winning lottery numbers
for the next billion years.
But first, we will get that
heavy rock off of you.
Oh, thank you! I feel much better.
We are terribly sorry,
but we cannot possibly share our secrets
with anyone who dresses like you!
But I But this
I am sorry.
Bikinis went out with positron bell bottoms.
Hams being right.
You are looking funny with bikini on!
Well, I guess it could have been worse.
Who knows what those Hams
would have done to us
if I had been wearing this?
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