Creepshow (2019) s03e02 Episode Script

Skeletons in the Closet ; Familiar

And in other news,
this Hollywood Prop Museum
is set for a grand reopening this week.
- I'll bid 10,000.
- I'll take it! 20,000.
I'll bid 30,000.
Each year, millions
of dollars change hands as
collectors seek to curate
relics of movie history.
Everyone from average moviegoers
to world-class collectors will
be in attendance this Friday
on Hollywood Boulevard.
Rumors surrounding Lampini's
Skeletons in the Closet
have been rattling the competition
ahead of the premiere.
This is surely an exhibition to die for.
- Come on, Burke, show me.
What's in the box?
Yeah, you got balls. Spill it!
Oh my God!
- If it's real.
- Oh, 100% it's authentic.
- Eep!
- Coscarelli's mother had this
in her attic for the past 40 years.
Doting moms, they're a
collector's wet dream.
True, that.
- So, uh, where's the boss man?
- Where else?
In his lab, working out
some last-minute details.
Premiere is in two days.
Can you believe it?
He put his heart and
soul into this place.
Not to mention every last
dime his father left him.
It'll kill him if this bombs.
Well, if he does decide to drop dead,
maybe me and you could elope.
Sorry, Burke.
You'll never have what he has.
And what is that?
Magic. From the moment we met,
it's like we've been two
peas in a giant seed pod.
If you say so.
Well, look, I'm out of here.
Oh, and if you happen
to see Mr. Seed Pod,
let him know I got a line on
the hero face hugger from "Alien."
Will do! Hasta la vista, baby!
Hey, you probably
shouldn't touch this.
Just chill, who cares?
She won't notice.
Yo! Dipshit! Hands off!
When you visit the Louvre,
do they let you fondle the Mona Lisa?
The Mona Lisa, the famous painting?
Do you think they let you touch it?
There's a giant fucking sign
that says
keep your fucking hands
off the fucking art.
Chill, lady, it's just dust.
Hey, maybe we could snort it.
Maybe we could snort it?
Maybe you two assholes
could just choose to get out right now.
You must choose, but choose wisely.
I got this. No problem.
What's her problem?
No problem.
She's just protecting the art.
Now, this chalice was
rumored to bestow eternal life
upon anyone that drank from it.
It's part of motion picture history.
In the same way, props
bring eternal life to movies.
They're immortal.
Unlike stars themselves,
props never die.
Look around.
These pieces weren't
generated in a computer.
They were handcrafted by artisans.
They have heart and soul.
Just think, what would
Freddie be without his glove?
Or a star captain without his chair?
And old Norman Bates couldn't
very well become his own mother
without the proper wig.
Baby, you forgot to say spoiler alert.
I didn't forget.
Everybody's seen "Psycho."
- You two have seen "Psycho."
- Vince Vaughn, yo.
Oh, Jesus. I just
swallowed my own vomit.
Hey, what's back there?
Ah, ah, ah!
No spoilers.
You'll have to hold out
for our world premiere.
I know you're really gonna dig it.
Hey! What's with the puss?
I just got boned.
Outbid at the last second.
- By who else?
- Bateman.
He's my Khan. Khaaaaaaan!
What was it?
David Warner's decapitated
head from "The Omen."
Oh babe, I'm so sorry.
Love means never having
to say you're sorry.
Mm? Cooper drives the boat, Chief.
So, what does this guy
have against you, anyway?
Not me. My dad.
Started before I was even born. I was
I just inherited the grudge.
- Bateman knew your father?
- Yup.
They were rival collectors
back in the pre-Comic-Con days.
He desperately wanted something he had,
and Pop refused to give it to him.
The flux capacitor.
No. My mother.
She was uniquely beautiful.
Pop called her a masterpiece.
The two of them met working at
the Magic Castle in Hollywood.
Uh, Pop was a table magician
and Mom worked the coat check.
So it runs in the family.
- What's that?
- Magic.
Well, not quite. Pop's magic was real.
He had a way of well,
bringing his props to life.
I'm not even in the same league.
But, I did manage to get my
hands on my own masterpiece.
Bateman can keep David
Warner's decapitated head.
He'll never have what you have.
You wanna do it in the captain's chair?
Hello, gorgeous.
- Good evening.
- Hello.
We're actually closing up
shop in a few moments, but, uh,
pop back in tomorrow
for the world premiere
of our brand-new exhibit.
New exhibit indeed.
Well, from the look of it,
a few minutes should
be more than adequate.
Well, I'm gonna have to
charge you full price.
Full price it is.
This here is Bruce Campbell's
chainsaw used in "Evil Dead 2."
That one right there?
Dennis Hopper's screen-used chainsaw
from "Texas Chainsaw Massacre 2."
- What's so funny?
- Nothing. Nothing at all.
You don't seem very impressed.
I would be if you told me
there was the actual chainsaw
used by Gunnar Hansen in the original
"Texas Chainsaw Massacre."
"Chainsaw 2"? Sequelitis.
It's a disease.
You're preaching to the converted, bub.
Unfortunately, the original
chainsaw no longer exists.
Oh? I beg to differ.
Personally acquired from
the Tobe Hooper Estate.
Holy shit!
If that could be authenticated,
I might be interested in
taking it off your hands.
You couldn't afford it.
Maybe not in cash.
What else did you have in mind?
Hey, watch the eyes there, ponytail.
Danielle? Show him the shoe.
Worn by Rosa Klebb in
"From Russia with Love."
The last surviving pair.
- Cute.
- Cute?
I recently acquired a
Little Nellie gyrocopter
from "You Only Live Twice."
Still flies, great on fuel.
That's a mite better than an old shoe.
Due respects to the lady's feet.
This could go back and forth
all day, cut to the chase.
What do you really want Bateman?
In the flesh. And you're right.
I dropped by for a reason.
Hey, can't you read?
I've never been one for waiting.
My God.
The stories were true.
The holy grail of movie props.
Actual human skeletons as
they appeared on screen.
Your father was a hoarder of
beautiful things, but this?
Keeping gems hidden from
the fans, it's criminal!
This once's from Ha, ha, "Raiders."
Poor Marion.
And and and "Poltergeist."
Oh, and and who do we have here?
Ah, yes! The original!
It's great to see you again, old friend.
Oh, and
And just the little lady
I was hoping to see.
Last but not least, the basement
zombie from "Dawn of the Dead."
The Romero classic, of course.
- Is there any other?
- Fast zombies suck.
I admit. I'm impressed.
No, you're not. I'm
gotta ask you again.
What do you really want?
I'm not a greedy man.
I'll settle for this fellow over here.
Sorry, Bateman.
My props are family, and
family's not for sale.
Did it sound like I was negotiating?
What the hell is that?
Ancient relics
called newspaper clippings.
This is an interesting
little tidbit from
"The Pittsburgh Post-Gazette."
It turns out our zombie
friend from "Dawn,"
with the help of makeup
magician Tom Savini,
was built over the skeleton of
an unknown human donor acquired
- from a medical supply house.
- Which was standard practice.
A lot of movie skeletons are real.
Fair enough.
The skeleton was eventually
afforded a proper burial at, uh,
Mount Lebanon Cemetery in Pittsburgh.
Does this plot have a point?
More than a point. A twist.
The remains were stolen.
Well, what are we talking about, here?
Ancient history?
Oh, no.
That picture was taken three days ago.
Would you care to tell her? Or should I?
Your boyfriend's a grave robber.
A certified ghoul.
You're full of shit! Tell him!
Tell him he's full of shit!
And you're a loyal
terrier, fierce and stupid.
Fuck you.
- Who are you calling?
- Well, the cops, of course.
No, you can't.
They'll close us down before we open.
And worse when they hear about
your ghoulish little undertakings.
Please, you don't understand!
These props are my father's legacy.
Get up.
Get up!
I'm not interested in
his pathetic legacy.
I'm only interested in our friend here!
And I'll take it to go. Wrap it up.
And, you know, you can throw in
the little Rosa Klebb shoe too
as an extra bonus.
I could always use
a little cheese spreader.
Eat shit!
- Danielle, give him the shoe.
- No!
Give it.
He's dead, Jim.
You forgot to say spoiler alert.
Oh, Jesus! This isn't a dream.
This is really happening!
Quiet, I I'm thinking.
Yeah, you think.
Keep thinking while I figure out
what I'm gonna wear to fucking jail!
No, it's not gonna happen.
Not to my Mona Lisa, okay?
All right, take a breath.
All right, new plot twist.
Grab me the "Night of the
Living Dead" meat hooks
and the box cutter from "Breaking Bad"
and meet me in the back. Go.
You work for us now, Bateman.
Me and Pop.
Faster, pussycat, move!
Our doors open in less than six hours.
Ugh, I'm moving!
This prick's heavier than he looks!
I hear ya.
Jesus, what the hell did
he have for lunch?
I think we're about to find out.
Oh god, no. Eww!
In you go!
Hasta la vista, baby.
I'm melting! I'm melting!
Aaah geez, I'm sorry.
I couldn't resist.
Baby? You okay?
We all go a little mad sometimes.
That thing he said about the cemetery
- Mount Lebanon?
- Yeah, whatever.
That was bullshit, right?
I mean, you wouldn't actually
dig up a person's grave.
Of course not.
Of course, what do you take me for?
Burke did the actual digging.
Cost me a goddamn fortune in overtime.
Burke? Oh, Jesus, you sick fucks!
Let's not make a thing out of it, okay?
I mean, I hate to bring it up
because you're upset and all,
but why exactly are we going to cut up
a bloodstained carpet? Huh?
Is somebody we know the pot
calling the kettle black?
No, don't touch me. Don't
even fucking look at me.
Sweetheart, it wasn't doing
anybody any good
six feet under the ground.
It happens to be my favorite movie.
All I did was restore it.
And don't think I didn't consult
Savini about the specifics.
It is his baby. He gave
me detailed instructions
on how to remove a few of
the Rice Krispies and
- You don't really wanna hear this.
- No, I really fucking don't!
Well, what about this newbie, huh?
Where's he from?
- Baby!
- He's not from anything.
my pop.
Jesus, you dug him up too?
It's not how you think.
It's what Pop wanted.
He laid it all out in his will.
What, to become a fucking prop?
Of course not! Well,
yeah, yeah, actually.
He donated his remains
to science fiction.
Jesus, I I I killed
someone because of you!
And don't think I'll ever forget it.
- No, don't
- Where are you going?
To take a fucking shower
and try to figure out
the rest of my fucking life!
Hey, very good. You do that.
I'll finish up down here.
Deep six the carpet.
Get rid of all of his personal stuff.
Oh, and move his car.
I have to move his car.
You know, last-minute details?
It's all about the details.
Ugh, what a day.
Anyone around?
Come out, come out, wherever you are!
What the hell?
Danielle! Danielle! Danielle!
Oh, fuck! I'm sorry.
Help, help!
Oh! Huh!
- Pop?
- Huh?
We did it, Pop. We won.
Ugh, total shit.
- That one's all right.
- Huh, not bad.
This one's kind of awesome, yo.
I'm glad you dig it, yo.
She's my masterpiece. My Mona Lisa.
Oh, and spoiler alert?
Props are magic and they never die.
- One more song!
- Come on, let's go.
Look at you. You okay?
You can drink!
Yeah! Look, I'm almost
officially a lawyer.
If I don't start getting "bwasted" now,
then I'll fall years
behind, and that's no good.
Did you just say "bwasted"?
No. No, no, no.
- You're wasted.
- Just a "widdle."
Okay, we seriously
have to stop doing that.
It's not me. It's you.
It's not my fault your
hearing's shot to shit.
Oh, wow, that's your
entire defense, Counselor?
The witness can't hear?
Yeah, that works for me, mm-hmm.
You need to save
your brain cells for court.
Why? There's zero proof
that drinking actually
kills brain cells.
Oh, no, you know what? I believe you.
There are millions that
wouldn't, but you got me.
Ooh, well, as long as I got you,
that's all that matters.
Oh my god, we have
to go in there, like, right now.
- Where?
- There.
Are they even open
right now? It's very
Yeah, come on! It'll be fun.
Boone's Third Eye.
How have I not seen this place before?
After you!
This is gonna be great!
Hello? Hello?
I see dead people.
I see lawsuits.
Don't don't don't
touch. Don't touch anything.
- Anyone home?
Ooh, scary curtain.
- Boone?
- One would hope.
Welcome. Please, come in.
I'm nearsighted, so you're
going to have to come
Sit. Sit.
You, give me your left palm.
I smell spirits.
- Well, I'm sure you do.
- We've been
Your palm is fascinating.
And it's so soft.
So detailed.
Does that mean I have a lot of wrinkles?
Do I have a lot of wrinkles?
So many, babe.
Wrinkles are our lifelines.
They keep us tethered as we age.
Only those who die without
living can avoid them.
That's a very nice way of putting it.
You're an artist.
How did you know that?
In your art, you use your
hands, but you do not paint.
Right! Right, I sculpt! This is unreal.
You're working on a very
big project right now.
In fact you feel guilty
for having partied tonight
- instead of working.
- Yes.
And this project, it's very
important to you, isn't it?
I can see in your hands
that you're very creative and respected.
And so you have a
gallery show coming up.
A lot of important
people will be attending.
This is unreal! Okay.
Someone named Marcia.
Someone named Doug.
They will be taking
Jackson! Jackson, did you hear that?
I mean, this is bonkers!
Like, mind-bending stuff.
She knows all about Marcia,
and Doug, and the show, and
Honey, are you okay?
Um, yeah, I I think
I just had a little
bit too much to drink.
Maybe we should go home, if that's okay?
Yeah, of course.
Yeah, let's let's go
most major credit cards.
Of course you do.
- Did you have fun tonight?
- Yeah.
Yeah, I I think maybe
Boone was hitting on me?
Oh, I mean, I couldn't
tell. I was kind of dwunk.
Please God, make him stop.
Make me?
You smell really nice.
What do you think the
future of tonight looks like?
Oh, Rudolph is too old to be
really scary, but he tries.
Grouchy old bastard.
Like, any time you show
me a little attention,
any time you say my name, he just
No, don't.
Don't, just stop.
Okay, okay, okay,
okay! Both of you stop.
Both of you stop!
God, let's watch some TV or something.
What do you think
got that boy so scared?
I don't know.
But I can tell you,
I haven't seen a look like
that since George Kelso.
- George who?
- George Kelso.
Years ago, he saw something
in the sewers that spooked
the bejesus out of him.
Must've made landfall.
I remember something that
my daddy used to say to me.
He'd say, "Son, there are things"
What happened? Did the movie end?
I've got to stop drinking for a while.
I'm starting to act more like the client
instead of the lawyer.
It's not right.
You simply cannot walk right in,
take what you want, and leave.
They most certainly cannot do that.
So it's a failsafe case, a slam dunk.
- Well
- Well what?
You gotta remember the law is
always up for interpretation.
Interpretation? This is a slam dunk!
Yes, I believe so.
But we must approach the
rim as if it is 11 feet high
just in case.
You better believe I've got a good case.
I do.
I can't believe it!
Who faxes anymore?
O kay.
That's weird.
It's ridiculous.
Hiding in the bathroom.
- What?
No, why would I joke about this?
No, not again. Please not again.
Let me see it.
This is scary.
Yeah, no shit, babe.
Do you believe it?
I don't know, okay?
Something's going on, though.
Something happened at the office
today and all of this started
after we left that man's place.
Do you think
Do you think something
followed you here?
I'm not saying that, exactly.
I don't know what I'm saying.
Well, maybe this is exciting.
- What? No, stop it!
- No, I mean it!
Imagine if this is
true. The supernatural.
If there's something really
following you, that's evidence.
Babe, you don't understand.
This thing is terrifying.
- We should go see him again.
- Who?
- Boone!
- Not a chance.
Well, if he knew something
was there in the first place,
he might know how to get rid of it.
Fawn, absolutely not, okay?
That place gave me the
creeps, possibly worse.
- Why? Why?
- Oh, come on, come on!
- I'm kidding.
- Yeah.
I I I believe you, okay?
You're never gonna let me
live this down, are you?
Nope. But the good news is,
you'll never be alone again.
- You're a comedian.
- I made something for you.
To keep you even more company.
Oh, nice.
What are you saying? I'm a lamb?
I plead the fifth, Counselor.
I love it.
I love you.
And I'm waiting
I love you too.
Working late at the studio tonight.
I guess you have to bond
with your imaginary friend.
See you later, bye!
"Familiars will do
absolutely anything to remain"
"attached to their human host.
"They will sneak, cheat, and
even kill to remain close.
"Some inhabit the bodies
of those they kill,
pretending to be a
host's longtime friend."
Longtime friend
You have trap it!
Your familiar, you need to keep it
as far away from you as possible.
I can tell you how.
But not without a drink first.
Exorcisms are all bullshit.
It's a good show. Gets
butts in the seats.
But what you need to do is catch yours.
Catch who?
You'll need some innocence bait.
What's that?
This was made from pure joy.
My sister made this for me.
Not a speck of negative
dust in the room.
When you leave here, go directly home.
And when you arrive,
I want you to draw a
sacred circle on the floor.
- Sacred circle? What's that?
- Google it.
After the circle's complete,
you place the innocence
bait in the trap.
Now, this trap requires
a blessed crate
which I happen to have
available in the showroom
for a nominal fee.
All major credit cards
accepted, I get it, come on.
The blessed crate should
be suspended above the trap.
So, when something steps
inside of the trap, boom!
Once it's caught, you take it
to deepest lake you can find
and you drown it.
You let it sink where not even
the scent of you can reach it!
I knew this whole thing was crazy.
I shouldn't have even come here.
Okay, look, if you think for one
second I'm gonna take some crate
and lug it into my
apartment, you are crazy!
Here we go.
Rudolph! Rudolph! Wait, wait, wait.
Buddy, wait, wait, wait.
Come on. Come on.
Wait. The innocence bait is gone.
Hi, honey! This is a nice surprise.
Yeah, I thought I'd come
see where the magic happens.
You know, check your vibes.
Oh, so you're into vibes
now? I love it.
I was afraid you were
here to return the lamb.
- No. Why would I do that?
- Check this out.
I've been working on this
for the past two weeks.
My sister made this for me.
Not a speck of negative
dust in the room.
What's going on?
Um so, remember
Oh, shit! Oh, baby, I'm sorry.
I have to be at the gallery right now.
Aw, the first time you surprise
me in forever and I've gotta go.
Hey, you wanna tag
along? There'll be wine.
Later. Go, have fun.
I got something to handle too, so
Oh, would you lock up for me?
Is that Mommy? Is that Mommy?
Jackson, what's going on?
What am I doing in here?
Jackson, help me.
Sorry, the caller
you're trying to reach is unavailable.
Jackson, what's going on?
- Son of a bitch.
- Jackson, please help.
Can't fool me. I got you.
I got you!
Come on, pick up, pick up.
Come on, pick up!
- Hello?
- Boone, I trapped it.
It's in the crate.
- You what?
- The familiar!
I trapped it! It's in the crate.
- You know what to do.
- Yeah, yeah, I do.
So not even the
scent of you reaches it.
I know.
Good luck.
Jackson! Jackson!
Jackson, please get me out of here!
I'm free.
No, it can't be. Fawn.
I believe you now.
I believe you.
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