Dating Around (2018) s01e04 Episode Script

Leonard

1 This could be the last time That could be The fault line slipping away This might be the last time I've known Leonard since 2003.
It was wonderful watching Leonard and Susan together.
He was such an affectionate husband.
This will be a lost street When you open your eyes Leonard is a lot of fun.
He's a little quirky, but in a good way.
Nothing's real Susan will always be a part of his life.
Le Barricou on Grand.
When you open your eyes, it's like Saturdays, when we dance He's the kind of person who is happiest in a relationship, and so I hope he can find someone worthy of his awesomeness.
Saturdays When the moonlight lit up your face And it all gets Leonard needs somebody special.
I hope Leonard has the happiness he used to have.
Saturdays When we dance in the dark in the room Where it all gets real I know you know how it feels Saturdays When the moonlight lit up your face And let love spark Hello.
- Hi.
You must be Lauren? - I'm Lauren.
- Leonard.
Nice to meet you.
- Nice to meet you, Leonard.
- Cool.
- Welcome.
We're gonna do some fine dining tonight.
Is that correct? Yes, ma'am.
Okay.
- Here? - Looks like it.
- It got late fast, huh? - It did.
Have you ever been on a blind date before? - Not without knowing anything, I think.
- Right.
- Have you? - Never.
- Never? - This is-- this is a first.
- So, where do you live? - Nolita.
Do you know-- Nolita? Sure.
- And where do you live? - Upper West Side.
Oh, I was terrified you were gonna be from the Upper West Side.
Oh, yeah.
Well, I And the only reason I was terrified, I've met people from the Upper West Side.
I never seem to interest them.
I have that problem on the Upper East Side.
That's okay.
It's like, hey, really.
Nolita? No, that's, like, happening.
- Yeah.
- So, can we get some cocktails here? Yeah.
What are you drinking? - Do you have a San Siro, by any chance? - We do.
I would like a glass of the white wine.
I think I'm gonna have a martini.
- What about you? - The same.
All right! A vodka martini, straight up.
- Straight-up? - Extra olives, please.
Okay.
Tito's martini straight up, very dry with a twist.
- Be right back with that.
- Thanks.
Look at that.
Oh, it's so nice to meet you, Leonard.
Yeah.
So, you were really late tonight, you know? Excuse me, I am never late.
This is late for me to have dinner, you know? I eat like 6:00, 6:30.
I'm kind of boring sometimes, 'cause I like to take my teeth out by eight o'clock.
You know how it is.
Yeah.
So, you've always stayed in New York? No.
I'm from Buffalo, New York.
Buffalo, New York.
I've been to Buffalo.
Why? No.
I live in Tribeca.
I came here when I was 18 with $250 to become a famous artist, and it worked.
- It did? - Yeah.
- Congratulations.
- Thank you very much.
My late wife was an artist.
Ah.
You're a widower.
- So, I was married.
I'm a widower.
- Oh, you are? - That's right.
You don't know anything-- - For how long? Thirty-four years.
- When did your wife pass away? - Three years ago.
- Oh, I'm sorry.
- Yeah.
I mean, I, um My husband recently passed away, in October of 2016.
- Sorry.
- Thank you.
Thank you.
And how did you guys meet? A blind date, sort of.
- So you did have a blind date before.
- Well, it wasn't blind.
No, no, no, I owned a self-portrait of hers before I met her, and I had kind of fallen in love with the self-portrait.
- Aw, that's really sweet.
- Yeah.
It's one of these, you know, storybook things that worked out.
- So you had a good marriage? - Oh, yeah.
I had a great marriage.
Yeah, I was a lucky guy.
I can't even imagine.
I sort of forgot I was getting divorced, because it took eight years to get divorced.
I'd say anything to do with the legal system is touch and go.
I was a lawyer, too, once in my life, - so look at all this-- - I'm so sorry.
Yeah.
I'm embarrassed to tell you I've been married three times.
- Yeah.
- Yeah.
So any of them any good? They were all good.
I wouldn't have married them.
Yeah.
No, I liked I loved them.
I like them, and then I love them, and then I like them.
They still around? They're still alive.
I didn't kill any.
- No-- - They didn't piss me off that much.
- You would have liked me as a lawyer.
- You were a lawyer? - You really were? - I was a good-guy lawyer.
- What kind of law? - Public-interest litigation.
So I was the president of the board of Greenpeace.
- A true believer.
- Yeah, absolutely.
- And you? Yeah? Great.
- Hell yeah.
Of course.
You know, for that little magical time, I was involved in it all, and then I walked away from it.
- Thanks.
- There you go.
And for you, sir.
Thanks so much.
- Cheers.
- Yeah.
- This is good.
Cheers.
- Yeah.
- To the date? - Absolutely.
- So nice to meet you.
- I've been looking forward to it.
- I'm having a good time already.
- Yeah, me too.
It seems that way.
Good.
I wasn't sure that I that that would happen.
That's nice.
I would think that somebody who, like, divorced three men is probably pretty picky.
Um Well, I married them.
They all asked me, and I said yes, so I guess I wasn't that picky at the time.
I just say yes to everything.
- Don't ask me, 'cause I'm not looking.
- Not tonight.
- I won't ask you tonight.
- I'm not looking for another husband.
I want a partner, someone that I can travel and, you know, do fun things with.
Yeah, me too.
I haven't been single very often.
- Aha! - I tend to be a one-man woman.
- Right.
- All I ever wanted to do was be married and have children.
That was my main goal in life.
- And do you have children? - I have one girl.
Uh-huh.
And where is she? She's currently living at home with me, but she's more like my roommate.
Wait a second, this isn't going right.
You know much more about me than I know about you.
Well, that's what I do for a living.
You like to listen? I'm a private investigator.
I ask a lot of questions.
- Oh.
- I'm a private investigator.
I swear it's true.
Why would you believe that, you know? That's always my dream, you know, to be - Everybody says that.
- a PI.
- So what do you do? - I sell real estate.
- I taught health and phys ed.
- I was in the fashion business.
- Does not surprise me.
- You can Hello.
Looking good.
Yeah.
Gym teachers is what we used to call them when I was in school, right? - Yeah, yeah, yeah.
I was a gym teacher.
- You were a gym teacher.
Are you into fashion or-- - Ah this is fashion to me.
- Is that as fashion as you get? 'Cause I like a guy-- I like-- I think it's really sexy when a man wears a suit, like a black suit with a white shirt and a tie.
Uh, yeah.
I'd have to probably go buy one, so it would have to be, like, a really special second date.
- Hello, I'm worth it.
- That's right.
Yeah, yeah.
- Hi.
- We do have a table ready for you inside as soon as you're ready.
- Thank you.
- Good, because the wind started to blow.
- Hi, I'm Dianna.
- Hi.
I'm Leonard.
- Hi, Leonard.
Nice to meet you.
- Nice to meet you.
Could there be a stranger way of meeting someone? No, this is it.
- Right? - Top of the list.
- So, welcome.
- Thank you.
 Thank you.
So, Leonard.
I-I-- My middle son is Leonard.
- How many you got? - I have three children.
- Three sons? - No.
Two sons and a daughter.
Wow.
- Yeah.
How about you? - None.
- None? Okay.
- Zero, yeah.
We celebrated my birthday yesterday with my sons, - and then I'm going to-- - Happy birthday.
- Thank you.
It's actually tomorrow.
- Happy birthday.
- Thank you.
- Well, it's a nice celebration.
Thank you.
- Is this a favorite place of yours then? - I like this place.
I brought the wrong glasses, so I can't see anything.
I didn't bring any glasses, - but I can read it.
- Neither of us can see anything? Neither one of us can read.
- Okay.
I can help you.
- I can-- - Oh, you can? - Yeah.
I can actually read that.
There's escargot.
- Really? - Oysters and a salad that I can't read the ingredients, because they're smaller than the word "salad.
" - I love oysters.
- Let's start there.
Cool.
Okay.
So, what else? Tell me something exciting about yourself.
No, no, I want to hear, like, about these three husbands of yours.
So tell me about, like, husband number one.
- When was that? - Husband number one was a good guy, very sweet, but we just kind of grew apart.
Second husband, he was, like, woo, wacky, so that didn't last long.
And then the third husband, I just couldn't live with him.
He actually had in his last house a sofa sitting on the lawn.
I was like, "No.
" - That wouldn't be for you.
- No.
- 'Cause I got class with a "K," baby.
- Yeah, yeah, yeah.
So, I'm a widower.
- Okay.
- You? Divorced.
And I'm sorry to hear that you're a widow.
- Yeah.
- What did she die of? Cancer ovarian.
I'm so sorry for your loss.
Yeah.
She was a good woman.
I really liked her.
But there's grief in divorce, too.
- Different.
Different kind of grief.
- Different, but yeah.
See, my husband had a stroke, and for about-- a little less than three years, I was very devoted to all the caregiving.
He died, though, right? He's not alive.
- I'm not cheating on him at the moment.
- No.
Just checking, the way you're talking.
Well, I'm preparing you for the fact that while he was still alive, I did start to date - Uh-huh.
- a particular person, and my husband was jealous, which was a good position to put him in.
He needed some of that.
Wait, wait.
He had a stroke.
What did he need that for? He finally appreciated me.
And I wish I could have known that giving him a little sense of jealousy - would have-- - Well, he's a guy who's had a stroke.
Like, he wasn't in, like, a bad enough place.
So, do you have a big apartment? Is it How big? - Nineteen-hundred square feet.
- Whoa! Oh, my goodness! You're never moving from there.
I don't know.
It's on the market.
- Oh, you own it.
You're not renting? - Yeah.
Oh! So you like me more even though I don't have a suit on? Is that it? - Well, you know, that adds to the allure.
- Allure.
Yeah.
Square footage in New York City is definitely valuable.
- Everything's very expensive.
- It's ridiculous in the city right now.
Well, there's really beautiful buildings, like, with elevators.
For 43 years, I've walked 60 steps up and 60 steps down.
Yeah.
I've got an elevator, so I'm-- Ah, you pussy.
Let me move these.
Sorry, it's a little large.
Great.
Awesome.
Thank you.
- Enjoy.
- Thank you.
Same to you.
- I can't get my oyster out.
- Yeah.
I'm gonna just have to-- Yeah, that's all right.
Mmm.
So, I used to be a cocktail waitress at the Oyster Bar.
- In Grand Central? - Yeah.
- Really? - Yeah.
It was great.
- Right after I graduated from college.
- I like that place.
I grew up in a very sheltered uh, life.
- Really? - Yeah.
My mother and my, um, stepfather were both deaf.
- Oh, really? - Yeah.
So my first language is sign.
- Wow.
- And not until I left home, that's when it was like the whole world opened up for me.
It was like I was born.
And it was the '70s, right? Drugs and rock 'n' roll.
- Yeah.
- Yeah.
- It was great.
- It was great, right? I loved it.
- I've never done a drug.
And you? - Oh, yeah.
I loved them.
- Really? - Yeah.
They were great.
And what was the first one you tried? LSD.
- You've taken LSD? - Mmm.
Yes? Oh, my God.
This conversation just took a really interesting turn.
I like this.
I'm sorry, but this is very new to me.
Like, I don't-- None of my friends do drugs.
- Oh, really? - I don't do drugs.
No.
I'm, like, "the goody girl.
" Would you do it again? You have any with you? Oh, this is so interesting.
- I think they made me a nicer person.
- Really? I think I'm pretty nice and I didn't do drugs.
I can't imagine what I'd be like if I did them.
- Drugs and rock 'n' roll.
- Drugs and rock 'n' roll.
Yeah.
So what do you want to get out of the dating scene? I want to, like, fall in love.
I want to-- - You do? - Oh, yeah.
You want to fall in love.
My phone! - So-- - I wonder who that is.
Oh, my daughter wants to know how it's going.
- Tell her it's going great.
- Going great? Oh, this is so funny.
You don't have a phone.
What, you don't-- I do have a phone, but, you know, I don't take it out on dates.
- It's kind of rude.
I agree.
- Kind of rude, yeah.
I didn't want to say rude, but you did.
- That's okay.
- I'm just, you know-- - Yeah.
- Yeah.
Oh, oh, let's see what Maria has to say.
Oh! "Wow.
Say hi to him for me.
" That's very sweet, Maria.
Oh, okay.
What's that tattoo? This says, "Carpe diem," which means "seize the day.
" I think you know what it means.
That's my bat.
What do you mean by "your bat"? It's my bat.
Bat.
I like bats.
- Um - My daughter.
Well - You have any tattoos? - No.
Those are nice.
You should get one.
How come you don't have any? 'Cause I haven't, like, come up with what I would, like, put on myself forever.
You're already, like, in your 60s.
It's not like you got that much more time.
I can't believe she is texting me on my date, because I told her I wasn't even gonna have my phone out.
Is this disturbing you? A little bit? - Um - I'm worried now.
I wouldn't do it, but-- Oh, shit.
So, like, what are you looking for? Oh, so, I look at politics, and I look at religion.
- Like, liberal minimum.
- Mm-hmm.
And, you know, I'm an atheist, so-- Which I am not.
- So, what are you? - Very, very spiritual.
- That's huge for me.
- See, I think I'm spiritual, too.
But I don't think you need an entity to feel like we're all connected.
So, let me stop you there.
We have a lot of differences.
- We know we've got a lot of differences.
- Yeah, right.
I was a bar mitzvah boy.
- I went to an Orthodox Hebrew school.
- Okay.
But they made me go.
My, um children were raised Jewish, so they had bar mitzvahs and a bat mitzvah.
Well, sorry you're out with another Jew.
You haven't had much luck with them.
- Maybe we can think of, like, who you-- - We can help each other.
- We can help each other of with, like - Yeah.
- who would be a great fit for each other? - Yeah.
- I actually have, like, a list that-- - I know one that a friend just divorced.
- There we go.
- Yeah.
He's a contractor.
He can build.
My wife thought he was, like, one of the sexiest guys, too.
So, do you have a picture of your friend? So, have you heard any good jokes lately? I am not, you know Um, wait.
Let's see if I can remember it.
So, this uh, professor, this Swedish professor, is, um teaching a, um biology class.
So, he's got a frog, and he cuts off a leg of the frog, and he says, "Yump, froggy, yump," and so the frog jumps.
And he's got three legs.
Just jumps.
No problem.
So, the professor cuts off another leg and he says, "Yump, froggy, yump.
" And the frog jumps, you know, with a little, "Uh!" - Just a little harder.
- Oh, gosh.
Then he cuts off a third leg and he says, "Yump, froggy, yump.
" And then He just struggles.
But the frog jumps a little bit more.
And then he cuts off the last leg and he goes, "Yump, froggy, yump.
" And the frog can't jump, and he says, "See? Frog with no legs is deaf.
" Want to get some dessert? Finish up here and go have some dessert somewhere else? Well, not now, 'cause I want to go to bed.
I want to sleep.
Do you have an after-dinner drink? No.
Can I get you a cab? That would be great.
Okay.
So let's, um go for a walk.
- Okay.
- Great.
- Can I help you with your shawl? - Yes.
I don't think I've ever done this before.
- Thank you.
- My pleasure.
- Do you say that to all the girls? - Yeah.
- I'm just a bad boy.
- Huh.
- Can I put you in a cab? - You can.
Wow.
You walk fast.
What is a good date to you? Like, to me, a good date would be to go on a dance.
Really? So that would never, like-- that would never cross my mind, 'cause disco's been over for a while.
It would not be disco.
I like partner dancing.
Yeah, so I don't do much of that.
It's, uh It's a beautiful night for a birthday.
Is it-- - It must be, like, almost your birthday.
- We're getting there.
- Although I think What time is it? - Wait, wait - It's Happy birthday! - Thank you! Oh, my God.
Thank you.
- So, um-- - Thank you.
Happy birth-- Happy birthday to-- I really can't sing.
So, how do you sign it? Happy birthday.
- This is "happy.
" - Happy.
And, then, "birthday" is I just spell it out.
Yeah, which Yeah.
- Happy birthday to me.
- Happy birthday.
Happy, happy.
- Thank you.
- Yeah.
So, will you memorize this joke and not ever tell the frog joke again? - Go ahead.
I'm ready.
- So what do a walrus and a Tupperware saleslady have in common? A walrus and a Tupperware sales-- A walrus? I don't know.
They're both looking for a tight seal.
A walrus is looking for a tight seal.
- I don't-- - And a Tupperware saleslady.
That, I get that.
- Yeah.
- But why is the walrus-- Looking for a tight seal? Oh, a tight seal! Oh, great.
Oh.
Forgive me.
Do you have rhythm? Well, could you-- Let me see something.
I'll be able to tell.
Just make-believe there's slow music and dance with me.
- Yeah.
- And I want to see Should I give you a hint? - I'll give you a hint.
- You don't have to give me a hint.
- I can't? - You can give me a hint, but-- - I think I should.
- Yeah.
I'm gonna say, "Right, left, right, left, right.
" Ready? - Okay.
- Right, left.
No, that's my left.
- Oh, 'cause-- - So I figured to teach, you got to - You got to do the opposition.
- Yeah.
- Okay, ready? Left, right - Yeah.
- left, right, left.
- Oh, we're back to Lindy.
Left, right, left, right, left.
- Like that? - Yeah.
Oh, that's nice.
- And then like that.
- Yeah.
Yeah.
And over your head.
There you go.
Let go.
And now we'll go back to Lindy.
Oh, yeah, then that's it.
- Yeah, but it's nice.
- Yeah.
No, I get it.
I get it.
I get it.
I do get it.
- Yeah.
- Thank you.
- So what are you gonna have? - I think I'm gonna have a scotch.
And you? - Bourbon.
- Bourbon? What about making a wish? All right.
Oh, let's see.
Um So - Good health.
- Uh-uh.
- Love.
- Yeah.
Financial abundance and happiness.
- That's your wish? - On my birthday, yes.
Blow out the candle.
Happy birthday.
May they all come true, or may they remain true.
Can we drink to the to the frog? And, oh, you may never tell that joke again.
You're supposed to tell the walrus joke now.
If I don't tell the joke again, can we drink to the frog, the poor frog? - No, okay.
- How about, um meeting each other? - Oh, good idea.
- How about that? - To us.
- Our first date.
Our first date.
Okay.
I love that.
Mmm.
I haven't dated in a very long time.
Do I seem like somebody who hasn't been on a date for years and years? No, not at all.
What I basically do is hope somebody will ask me on a date.
I don't like the idea of being the pursuer.
Well get over it, you know? - It's - Is that it's a new time? It's a new time, and we're old, you know? How much time do you have? So Have you gone out with a lot of men who are not, um, African-American? I tend these days, uh, to prefer to date black men.
You know, I've been out with, like, one - African-American woman.
- Oh, yeah? - It was like 1969.
- Okay.
And I was just, like, so in love, and, you know, it was like Black Power movement time.
She said, "Do you think I can take you home to meet my parents?" You know, it was, like, not a possibility.
Well, that would not have been my experience with my uh, parents.
It's so sad, right? I'm gonna do a drawing for you in lipstick.
Is it L-E-N-N-Y? Uh, it's L-E-O-N-A-R-D.
Last call.
- Hey.
- Thank you.
Make it a double.
Yeah.
A woman after my own heart.
But anyway, I feel like these are our last minutes together and we need to, like Eat dessert.
Sure.
- But also, maybe just-- - We'll take-- Is there anything that's not been said that you wanted to say? I'm like I don't know what to do at the end of a date.
Neither do I.
Thank you.
- My pleasure.
- It's been wonderful.
Yeah, I had a great time.
- That's "thank you" in sign language.
- Oh, yeah? Oh, that's a beautiful way to say "thank you," right? Yeah.
Here.
That's beautiful.
Thank you.
It's really something.
It really is something.
- So, you ready? - Yes.
You look beautiful.
- Aw, thank you.
- Yeah.
So, do you think I talked too much on this date? Not at all.
Why would you even, like, think that as a possibility? That I talk too much? No.
No.
- I don't know.
- You're wrong, no.
You haven't been dating in a long time, so I'll tell you.
You're, like, wrong about that.
- Okay.
- Just flat-out wrong.
Right.
My phone's right here.
You can put it right in.
I'll give you my number.
Yeah.
- Yeah.
And then you call me and I'll-- - Great.
Oh, thank you.
So, 917 This is without glasses.
This is, like, really dangerous.
You're just stabbing at the numbers and hoping it comes out right.
So, can I give you a card? - Great.
Thank you.
- Yeah, my pleasure.
Thank you.
It was, um It was a lot of fun.
Yeah, you're great.
I think-- I do think you're lovely.
I think you're-- I think you're crazy not to be dating.
This sounds like you're not interested in me, 'cause you're giving me advice - on how to find a date.
- No, well-- - I'm reading between the lines.
- I mean, yeah, so - And your name is Francine, right? - Yes.
- But if an Eileen answers, don't hang up.
- Yeah.
Yeah, right.
I got it.
Thank you so much for a lovely evening and celebrating my birthday with me.
Yeah.
Yeah.
- Um - So I'm not your type? I don't - I'm not insulted.
- No.
I know you're not insulted.
- It's just a feeling.
I don't know.
- Right.
Right.
That's all I can say.
It's just a feeling.
It's got everything to do with me and not you.
I think it's better to know than to have a complete mystery.
- Oh, yeah.
So do I.
- Okay.
- Bye.
- Thanks.
Bye.
Take care.
Thank you.
I hate this shit.
- Very nice to have - Yeah.
spent the time with you.
Yeah.
And thanks for coming out on your birthday.
All right.
- Goodnight.
- Goodnight.
I got you.
- Goodbye.
- Bye.
- So, sweet dreams.
- Yeah.
You too.
- Okay.
- Okay.
All right.
I don't know how you do it But somehow you always will be there You wait for the sun to make the sky And no one elevates you Elevates you now Hi! - How are you? - Hi, good.
- Do you want to go down to the park? - Sure, I'd love to.
Okay.
- Glad you like it iced.
- Yes.
'Cause otherwise - my hands would be burning.
- Yes.
Well, may I take it? - I guess you can.
- Thank you.
- Uh, skim milk? - Yes, with a little bit of brown sugar.
And no one elevates you Elevates you now And no one's gonna take you Gonna take you there And no one elevates you Elevates you now Hold on to your heart