DC's Legends Of Tomorrow (2016) s04e11 Episode Script

Sťance and Sensibility

1 Previously on "Legends of Tomorrow" Is this your new girlfriend? - Um, yeah.
- Mm-hmm.
You and I dating would be totally weird.
Totally weird.
Wow, that's beautiful.
Step away from the creature, miss.
You murdered him! Hank is running some secret project.
He's not just taking the fugitives.
He's testing on them.
I don't need you anymore.
I don't need you anymore, either.
What did you do? I'm sorry.
Maybe I shouldn't intrude.
Nate needs all of our support right now.
Well, what am I supposed to say to him? "Sorry the woman I've been exchanging love letters with in prison killed your dad"? They ought to put that on a condolence card.
Look, we are going inside and we are going to strive with grace to help our friend cope with his loss.
Damn it.
Here, let me help.
Hey, uh, thanks for sticking around this past week.
What are pretend girlfriends for? My mom's gonna be so crushed when I tell her we broke up.
Then don't.
I I mean, she's going through a lot.
We can pretend break up any time we want.
We should, um we should probably get out there.
You ready for this? Oh, Nathaniel.
I need you to make a toast later.
Tell everyone what an amazing man your father was.
Yeah, Mom, I don't think that's a great idea.
What? Of course it is.
And Zari, I am so glad that you're here for Nathaniel to lean on right now.
Yeah, um, you know me.
I'm I'm his rock.
I can't.
I I can't face him.
Wait wait.
I hope you're not stress-eating, squire.
I don't know what else to do.
I can't believe this is happening.
You feel the energy in this room? It's like sitting on a keg of dynamite.
You see, wakes are notorious soft spots where the supernatural meets the living world.
See Nate's aunt? That particular prayer is to ward off evil spirits and they've covered the mirrors, so the bad lads can't get in.
Well, that's creepy.
Yeah, well, creepy is my business.
And it looks like business is good.
Oh! Nate, Nate, I'm I'm sorry.
I'm I'm so sorry.
No, it's it's okay, Ray.
No, no, no, it's not.
I keep giving Nora second chances and she goes and does this.
Look, you thought Nora could change and I never thought my dad would be torturing magical creatures, so I guess I guess we're both wrong.
Can't believe you're the one comforting me.
Oh, come on.
I love you, bro.
That's never gonna change.
Love you, too.
Oh, no.
Don't, no-no-no, don't.
Don't, don't, don't do it, Ray.
Don't you're gonna do it.
You're gonna do it.
Nora? How how are you doing that? It's a reflection spell.
I can't hold it much longer.
Well, good, because there's nothing you could possibly say that would make any difference.
This time there will be no more second chances.
Ray! I didn't kill Nate's dad.
Oh, thank God, you're innocent.
Tell me where you are.
I need to talk to you in person.
Now, who wants a nice, juicy steak? Charlie, uh, you know that I'm a vegetarian.
No, no, no, you used to be a vegetarian when you were a normal, boring human.
- But now you are - A monster? Exactly.
I mean, how cool is that? Wait, are you trying to get me to shift into Wolfie? Of course I am.
You've been moping about the ship, thinking about your lost love.
But I think that he would really want you to just embrace your wild side.
Konane liked me as Mona.
The words on your shirt.
These are the names of my favorite Jane Austen characters.
It appears that you're experiencing the impact of a magical fugitive.
This better be good, Mona.
A fugitive got to Jane Austen.
She never wrote "Sense and Sensibility.
" And "Pride and Prejudice" disappeared, too.
Whatever it is, it's gonna have to wait.
Did someone say history's in trouble? Legends assemble! Okay, I really need to get out of here, too.
Hey, what's up? Nothing.
Uh, there's a fugitive alert, but it can wait.
No, you should go.
It's hard enough I have to play pretend.
You guys shouldn't.
- Bye, Nate.
- Bye, Zari.
Gideon traced a new Fugitive to a wedding Jane Austen attended in Bath, England, 1802.
I already had Gideon chart a course.
Can I come on the mission? Please? Sure.
Yeah, and as much as I love a good wedding sneak, I'm gonna QB from, um from my bedroom.
Is he acting weirder than normal? Yeah.
Speaking of weird I think my sense of smell has improved because of Wolfie.
And you smell exactly like Nate.
No, I don't.
It's definitely Nate.
Nate and something else.
Arousal? No, I don't I don't like Nate.
- That would be wrong and - He likes you.
He confessed it when he swallowed the truth bug.
We're so not passing the Bechdel Test right now.
It's okay to talk about guys sometimes.
Come on.
I bet it's been months since you got laid.
Now, why don't you just go smash Nate? Or better yet, you should go smash somebody else because if you're still thinking about Nate then you know you're really into him.
Why don't you talk to Nate? Tell him how you feel.
- Oh, boo.
- That is a terrible idea.
Okay, I'm going.
This is like a Jane Austen novel come to life.
Oh, my bonnet! Look out! Whoa! - Whoa.
- Oh.
Forgive me, miss.
Are you hurt? Only my pride.
Injured pride is a small thing if it allowed us to meet.
What's the holdup there? - Come, come, I say.
- Duty calls.
Apologies, Lord Remington.
We'll be on our way shortly.
Not a word.
Was that a curtsey? "Only my pride.
" Okay, let's go.
Shut up.
A damsel.
If you don't jump that buff coachman's bones, I will.
We are at this wedding to catch a magical creature.
If that's the groom, then I'm glad I'm not the bride.
A man's charms are equal to his fortunes.
And Mr.
Dockerty's fortunes are prodigious.
Don't be rude.
That's Jane Austen.
I cannot marry you, Mr.
My heart yearns for another.
Our family's scullery maid.
Ellen, are you here? I'm here.
I love you, too! Scandal! Oh, dear Lord.
I give not one fig, Miss Sinclair, for my heart and my lower extremities yearn for your mother.
Get over here, gorgeous.
- Come to me, my love.
- Ooh! This is what I call a wedding.
Coast is clear.
I really don't want you to get in trouble with your friends.
Oh, it's no trouble.
It looks like everyone else is still on mission.
Uh, so, who did kill Hank? - The demon.
- Okay, good.
I obviously, I mean obviously, it's bad.
If it's a demon, that means that John will be able to find proof and you just need to lay low until he comes back.
You really don't mind me staying here? Yeah, no, it'd be nice if you stayed here.
Oy, Rayge.
Where are you? I've got an update on the mission - "Rayge"? - It's a long story.
- need to do some research - What's oh oh What What are you hiding in there? Hmm? What? Nothing.
Ah, buffing the old bishop, was we? It's all right, mate.
No judgment here, all right? - Come on.
- Oh, yeah.
So, the bride and the scullery maid, - that was - Insane? - Romantic.
- I was gonna say hot.
Regardless, that definitely did not happen in actual history.
Ray, Charlie, what you got? This wedding was the second of a series of lust outbreaks in 1802.
Yeah, the sexual revolution came a couple hundred years too early.
Why would it make Jane Austen stop writing? We need more info.
Well, Jane Austen was known for being a keen social observer, so if anyone would have noticed a new magical arrival in town, it would be her.
Okay, let's go interview Jane.
Oh, wait, hang on a tick.
People with the real dirt, always the servants.
Like a handsome coachman perhaps, hmm? Fine, I'll go ask him some questions.
- But that's it.
- You go get it, girl.
Sister, dear, this is Miss Lance and Miss Wu.
They're new in town.
Try not to scare them away.
I shall do my best, Cassandra.
We are so sorry to interrupt your writing, Miss Austen.
This? Just a letter.
Uh, shall we take a turn around the room while we converse? We'd be delighted to.
It's a Regency thing.
Go with it.
So, the bride, Miss Sinclair, her behavior must have been quite a shock.
Ever since Lord Remington arrived a week ago, the entire town has been acting most imprudently.
But Miss Sinclair's situation is truly horrendous.
Oh, I'd think you of all people would celebrate the triumph of romance.
What's to celebrate? Miss Sinclair will be cut off from her fortune and the two women will have nothing to live on.
But it's because of you I I mean I have come to believe that love will find a way to overcome any obstacle.
Then you're either lying or you're a fool.
Tell me, has love worked out so well for you? - No, but - Then you are a fool.
For you shouldn't have to learn a lesson twice.
Let's go find Lord Remington.
We should be going.
Hello? This is stupid.
What a pleasure to see you again.
Hey, man.
What's up, pretty? This whole toasting is eating me up on the inside.
My my dad was such a dick.
He lied about everything and now he's turning me into a liar, too.
Listen, your old man's gone.
Whatever you say out there, that's for you.
You know what, Mick? I think you're onto something.
Nathaniel! Hey, where's Nate? Well, we need to find him because Hank's spirit is still here.
Hey, cheer up.
I mean, what does Jane Austen know? How to be witty and wise and mix satire with romance.
I bet you these girls know where Lord Remington is.
They do look like fan girls.
Okay, you know the era.
You take the lead.
He's simply the handsomest man I've ever laid eyes on.
I know what you mean.
Lord Remington is such a fine specimen.
I can't say I share your sentiment.
His coachman, though, what he lacks in means, he makes up for in magnetism.
I concur.
His arrival has sent many hearts aflutter.
Coachman, as in the guy we pushed Zari to hook up with! Zari's gonna smash the fugitive! Oh Sorry.
This is moving really fast.
- I agree.
- You do? What's your name? Uh, my name is Zari.
What's your name? You know what? Don't don't answer that.
You don't kiss like any man I've ever known.
What are you? I am Kamadeva, the Hindu god of love.
- Oh! - We're too late! Zari! We think you might be dealing with The fugitive? Yeah, I know.
This is Kamadeva.
As in the namesake of Kama Sutra, Kamadeva? That I did not know.
Look, I'm not going to sleep with a magical fugitive.
You are incredible.
A woman has never before resisted my charms.
All right, you're coming with us.
I would follow Miss Zari to the world's end.
Well, your days of ruining Regency-era marriages are over, Kamadeva.
I only sought to grant people the courage to follow their hearts' desire.
Oh, I think he likes you.
Gideon, get us out of here.
I'm not so sure we can go yet.
Miss Wu is correct.
The historical records still indicate that Jane Austen's career is in jeopardy.
We caught the fugitive.
What's the problem? Well, it's too late to knock on Jane Austen's door tonight.
We'll talk to her tomorrow.
So, I'm to spend the night Alone.
Oh, what a waste.
All right, everybody out.
- Hi.
- Come on.
Surely I can have a bed.
Well, I had Gideon fabricate some jim-jams because, uh, you know, it's a slumber party.
Oh, uh, thanks.
Uh, obviously since you're my guest, you will get the bed.
Oh, well, it's big enough for the both of us.
We can just share.
Oh, okay.
You can turn around now.
It really covers everything.
Thing is, I pride myself on being a gentleman and the gentlemanly thing to do would be to sleep in the chair.
So But you you you can't there's no way Oh, that's not Okay.
Hey, Nate.
How's the old toast going? Is there one or two N's in "conniving"? Right, then.
Uh, may I suggest a slight change of plan? No.
Mick is right.
It's time for me to tell the truth about my dad.
How was I supposed to know Hank's ghost was here? Wait, what? Yeah, that's about the gist of it, Natey boy.
You see, your old man's spirit is working very hard to stay attached to the mortal realm.
I can only surmise that he has something he wants to say to you, so if you wouldn't mind leaving off your roast for a bit, joining us for a brief séance, and I'll have him on his way in no time.
There's nothing Hank can say now to excuse him from embezzling money and hurting creatures.
In fact, I'm glad he's still here, 'cause it's his turn to listen to me! You don't scare me, Hank! Ray? You want me in bed with you? Yes, I did.
I do.
I do.
- Is this okay? - Yes.
Damn it, this is definitely a dream.
The fugitive get to you, too? Yeah.
Well, personally, I really enjoyed my night, blowing David Bowie's mind.
Who'd you get a leg over, Z? Wait, let me guess.
Nate? No, Kamadeva.
- Both? - It was both! Blimey, Z, I didn't know you had it in you.
What about you, Wolfie? You dreamt about Konane.
Mona I'll get it.
Hey, hey, hey.
It's okay.
He had the sweetest eyes.
And when he would look at me, the whole world would disappear.
And now he's dead.
Mona, I know it's hard, but try to have some perspective.
You didn't know him for very long.
So, you think I'm a fool, too? No, I just don't think anyone should give their heart away without thinking about the consequences.
But romance is taking a chance on someone without knowing how it's gonna end up! Romance is something used to sell novels.
It's not real.
Well, it'll never be real for you.
Not if you never try.
Not if you never take a risk! You know, it's hard to take advice from someone whose boyfriend turned her into a werewolf.
Hey, guys.
Let's just take a breath.
You're right.
I might be stupid for being a romantic, but it's not Konane's fault.
Bloody hell! Finally! You look wicked, mate! Mona, wait! Jane Austen.
It's time for you to pay! Stay back, beast! If I'm a beast, it's because of you! Your books made me an incurable romantic! You're the reason I risked everything for love! And now Konane's dead! And look at me! You don't believe in romance! Your writing is all lies! Are you the girl from earlier? Mona is weak.
Wolfie is strong.
Well, Wolfie, I believe from the depths of my soul that one should only marry for love.
You do? So much so that I rejected the only man who has ever asked for my hand.
He was a smug simpleton who only read sermons.
How remarkable.
You shouldn't mess with people's dreams.
My powers don't create passion out of thin air.
Whomever you dreamt about, you truly desire.
It doesn't mean I have to act on it.
It's called impulse control.
You sound like a woman who has never let herself fall in love.
Where I'm from, love is a liability.
And yet a life without love is no life at all.
Tell me, what does a god know about the human heart? My real name is Sanjay.
I was born thousands of years ago.
When the actual Kamadeva was immolated by Shiva, I gathered his ashes in this vial.
They bestowed powers I could have scarcely imagined.
Why are you telling me this? Because I like you.
And I think you secretly yearn to be impulsive and free.
Unless you lack the courage.
Give me a hit.
- Might I suggest - Nope.
If I'm gonna do this, I want to experience love, lust, the whole shebang.
That is, unless you lack the courage.
One, two, three.
Oh, wow.
Most of you here, uh, knew Hank well.
Or, thought you did.
I'm gonna talk about a different Hank, a Hank I got to know this year.
Hank was a workaholic who never took a day off.
Well, Hank, you can, um, finally rest in peace.
Um, Hank never knew his own father.
That's why he wanted to be there for Nathaniel growing up.
But work often got in the way.
So one year, we planned to use Hank's leave to stay for a week in Disney World.
Nathaniel was over the moon.
But the morning that we were to fly to Orlando, we ended up having to take Nathaniel to the hospital instead.
When Hank saw the look of disappointment in his son's eyes, he went out and rented a Mickey Mouse costume, put it on, and went to the hospital.
He convinced everyone there that Mickey Mouse had come to see them.
Hank Heywood was not a perfect man.
But when he was at his best, that is who he was, a man who could make you believe in magic.
To Hank.
To Hank.
Why did you tell me that by following their hearts, those women would only fall into despair? Because my decision was a result of my pride.
When my father dies, my sister and I will be - reduced to penury.
- But your writing Has been rejected by every publisher.
It's no wonder.
I satirize the manners of a society that seems to have lost all sense of decorum.
Therefore, I've decided to stop writing.
But you will publish.
You can't give up now, because your books are timeless.
How can you be so sure? Because you're my favorite author.
May I offer you a bit of advice? My books advocate a partnership based on love and mutual respect, not on losing control.
What shall we do next? I have an idea.
Let's get married.
Do you hear that? No.
Hear what? There's definitely music playing.
Kamadeva loved music.
Perhaps you should sing.
I don't sing.
Every day I find a way To shove my past and anger down Go on, my love.
That was beautiful.
My humor's dry I never cry If I start I'd surely drown When I'm on my own I can't help wanting something more Today instead of closing off I'm opening a door Now I'm tossing sense aside and I surrender To the fantasy and pleasure I surrender To my happy ever after I won't fight it Won't deny it Do you have a ring? I'll try it I surrender In the morning we should go ask the parson to marry us.
A Christian wedding? For a Muslim woman and a Hindu man? Let's not think with our heads, but feel with our hearts.
Gideon, where's that music coming from? I took the liberty of broadcasting - Miss Tomaz's comms.
- Huh.
It's rather infectious.
Ray, this music, - I think it's magical.
- You're right.
I want to express my feelings to you in verse.
Is that really necessary? I had a dirty dream of you.
I'll bet mine was dirtier.
Why didn't you go and make a move? I would have, if you'd been flirtier.
It's just complicated.
If Nate knew, he'd be enraged.
I know, and I'm sorry, but my desire's been uncaged.
Don't let this moment pass us by.
It could be our only chance.
You're right.
I need you now.
Sorry, Nate and Captain Lance.
I fixed the timeline as a cat Saved a cowboy kept his hat Took Salem's breath away Got stuck reliving the same day Through it all I kept my cool Never thought I'd play the fool Now I've surrendered to you It's time for me to say I do "I do"? What are you talking about? We need to find Mona.
Wait a sec, is this a Bollywood musical number? You bet your ass, it is.
Now we're tossing sense aside and we surrender To the fantasy and pleasure we surrender To our happy ever afters We won't fight it won't deny it Losing all control we'll try it We surrender I want you badly as my bride Please make my wish come true These feelings can't be denied So yes I say I Stop! You're making a mistake! Zari Whoa, why did I just sing that? Okay, I guess I'm just gonna roll with the whole singing thing.
Every day we find a way to hold grief And not let them see We feel so wrong we often long Get swept away in fantasy You've been so brave wise and strong By opening your door Please Zari have courage now To wait for something more Don't listen to her, my love.
No, Mona's right, Z.
You don't even know this guy.
He's been using the powers of a love god for years.
Guaranteed he's got a wife.
Is that true? Not exactly.
I have 1,000 wives.
But lucky number 1,001 is the most important.
Seriously? So, you still want to marry me? No, I definitely do not.
Now I've got my senses back But I'll surrender Life's not done I'll love again I'll surrender With my friends now by my side I won't hide it won't deny it Real love comes my way I'll try it I'll surrender Voi-bloody-la.
Now, only the particular spirit we're after will be able to enter the vessel.
What vessel? The vessel's you.
I'm gonna kill you, weasel.
O spiritus veni.
Quod praecipio, Solacium capere spiritus.
Hank Heywood, I summon you.
Quos eici! Hank? Who else would it be? Where's Nathaniel? Oh, well, Nate gave you the big middle finger, so I'm afraid you're stuck with me.
Still angry, is he? Us Heywoods, we hold a good grudge.
Now, what's so important that you had to stick around? It pains me to admit it, but I made a terrible mistake.
A man approached me about a deal.
Unlimited funding.
And all I had to do was give him access to all the magical creatures within the Time Bureau.
But this man was no ordinary beltway bandit.
He was a demon.
Only after he murdered me did I realize the truth.
What was the demon's name? Promise me you'll keep Nathaniel safe.
Yes, yes, yes, I promise.
Now, come on, Hank, you can't delay the inevitable forever.
What was the demon's name? His name was Neron.
Hey, world.
I'm Hank Heywood.
And I'm here to tell you about an exciting opportunity.
When I learned about the existence of magical creatures yes, magical creatures exist I ran right home and pulled out a drawing made by my son, Nathaniel, when he was only nine years old.
My son envisioned a theme park where everyone could gaze in wonder at dragons and unicorns, werewolves and minotaurs.
This is insane.
Now, you may be thinking, "This is insane.
" But what great man hasn't been thought of as insane at one point in his life? I believe this park can bring our country together.
And with your help, I'm going to turn my son's dream into a reality.
I call it Heyworld.
Oh, Hank.
Why? Oh, Hank.
I have so many questions.
You weren't torturing magical creatures.
You were training them to be in a theme park.
That is nuts.
But I gotta respect you for dreaming big.
It was your moonshot, your way of risking it all to make the world a better place.
I was so wrong about you.
At the end of the day, you were just as wacky and well-intentioned as any legend.
And I wish I had a chance to get to know that side of you.
I'm gonna miss you.
I love you, Hank.
I love you, Dad.
Look at you.
Take a look at yourself, you miserable git.
That's right.
Soak it in.
Your big sacrifice, it was for nothing.
But instead of rolling up your sleeves and taking it to that demon bastard, you're getting rat-ass drunk in a shed.
I can't fight him.
He's too strong.
Oh, this isn't about Neron.
You failed Desmond.
You failed Astra.
And you'll fail Nate.
And you know why? Because deep down, you want them all to go to Hell.
You want the company.
You liar! Hey, Johnny.
Miss me? Des.
I'm surprised you haven't figured it out yet.

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