DC's Legends Of Tomorrow (2016) s05e03 Episode Script

Miss Me, Kiss Me, Love Me

1 Previously on "Legends of Tomorrow" If you're seeing this, we altered my future at Heyworld.
I don't know where I'll be or who I'll be, but find me.
- John, wait! - Masher? Has Astra released the worst souls from Hell onto Earth? I'm unkillable! [LAUGHS.]
I'm putting an end to this.
Are you trying to go back to Hell? I'll return when the sigil is complete.
Time is breaking up my soul It's using it to mold It's so, oh, oh Ma'am, we caught him lurking outside.
It seems you're having a hard time staying away from Hell these days, John.
Well, what can I say, I'm a creature of habit.
You might as well get used to it.
You'll be living down here soon enough.
What do you want? A whiskey, neat, and a steak, well done.
Oh, yeah, and all those souls you released.
Call 'em back.
Look, there is enough evil on Earth without you giving the damned a second chance.
Those damned souls are making me rich, John.
Any humans corrupted or killed by them all belong to me.
And after years of being under the boot of the Triumvirate, it sure feels good to grind my heel on someone else.
- Masher? - John.
Help me.
John's better at getting his friends into trouble than out of it.
Something you should have known when you squealed on me.
You don't have to do this, Astra.
I like doing this.
No more, please.
Astra, look, I came down here for a friendly chat, all right? Now, we don't have to be enemies.
You're not my enemy, John.
You're an important step in my evolution.
I crawled my way up from the bottom and I finally have some real power around here.
So if you want to stop me, you'll have to kill me.
But really, what's the point? My soul would just end up back down here anyway.
What happened down there? - I need a drink.
No post-mission debrief? It's part of his process.
- Come on, Gideon, play the damn message again.
You can mistreat me all you like, Mr.
But I assure you, there are no secret messages hiding in my memory banks.
Everything okay, bro? Oh, um, yeah.
I was just, uh, double-checking something.
Little help? [FLUTTERS.]
I think I'm starting to see things.
I know what's going on.
You do? You get into my stash again? [LAUGHTER.]
Dude, no worries.
- Sara's gathering the team, come on.
- Thanks.
And that is the truth of it, mateys.
Astra and this whole bloody mess is on me.
And she can't be reasoned with.
So we need a more permanent solution to stopping her or she could continue releasing souls indefinitely.
Surely, Astra can change.
She's still human, right? I mean, even a master of the dark arts must believe there's still some good left in her.
Forget it, big man.
Astra's lust for power, it zapped the humanity out of her.
Well, on the bright side, at least the encores aren't our fault this time.
Hey, up top.
Is there any point in sending these encores to Hell? It sounds like Astra would just send them straight back.
Well, then until we find a more permanent solution, we'll house the encores on the ship.
We're gonna need a bigger pantry.
Hey, Cap.
Normally, I'd be all for rolling up my sleeves and pitching in, but I gotta take shore leave for my pop's birthday, and Nate's coming with me.
- I am? - You are? My parents are always asking questions about my life.
He could pretend to be one of my biz school professors.
I still can't believe that you haven't told your parents the truth about what you do.
You mean that I'm a time traveling superhero who stole the family heirloom? Hmm, okay, yeah, stick to business school.
We'll be back before you can say "timequake".
Don't jinx it.
Too late, Captain, a new timequake has been detected.
You are needed on the bridge.
What are we looking at? Ah, the epicenter of the timequake is in Los Angeles, 1947.
It's the golden age of Hollywood and the height of organized crime in the city.
The real golden age.
All right, people, we're gonna need two teams for the Sorry, honey, I think I'm in your spot, aren't I? Hey, don't sweat it, babe.
As Ava was saying, two teams.
Ray, John, with me.
Mick, Ava, QB from the ship.
Now, let's do it.
Hmm, you hear that? It's only my second official mission with the Legends, and I'm already being trusted with the football.
Really? QB means staying on the ship and doing nothing.
Or it could mean providing the team with vital information.
Gideon, pull up a topographical survey of the city, please.
- How you feeling? - [EXHALES.]
I just needed to get off the ship, clear my head.
Guys, this is Nathaniel Heywood.
He's one of my professors.
- Welcome.
- Thank you.
Oh, we've never had a professor over for dinner.
What do you teach? Advanced macroeconomics, - behavioral economics - Hey, guys.
Brace yourself.
- Z here.
So I'm at my parents' house celebrating my dad's birthday.
After all, family is everything.
Speaking of which, it looks like we have a surprise guest this year.
My brother, Behrad.
Say hello, B.
Anyways, guys, I gotta go.
Big love to the Z nation.
Insert that clip at the end of the current file.
We'll start cutting tonight.
You two can set up glam in the bathroom for touch-ups.
Hey, I thought this was supposed to be a family party.
Oh, says the woman who just invited her 48 million followers into our house.
It's 51 million.
Try to keep up.
Zari, darling, isn't it marvelous.
Your brother brought home one of his professors from grad school.
Zari, Nate.
Nate, Zari.
It's you.
I saw the video.
Oh, thanks for subscribing.
You know, it's the fans that really make all the hard work worth it.
What a weirdo.
Your sister is the secret woman from the hologram message.
Secret wha I thought I was hallucinating, but Gideon was scrubbing her memory and there was a secret message from your sister telling me to find her and she's the reason I came back.
Are you having a psychological break? No, I'm being serious.
Remember when we dented history at Heyworld.
Your sister is the dent.
The traces of magical energy lead into this office.
There's an infernal residue in here.
Sure is.
Residue of a dead guy.
Oh, whoa, stand back.
The victim was consumed by ignis inferni.
It's hellfire.
Whoever did this to him was not of this world.
Well, looks like our killer's the encore.
Ah, there's the ticket.
Don't come any closer.
All right, easy.
You can put the gun down.
We're here to help.
Where's Webb? Uh, we are the "and Moore" of Webb & Moore.
We work with Moore Webb.
You must be Moore.
Sure, that's me.
Johnny Moore.
Sarah is my secretary and this fella here Has got a cop face.
Oh, thank you.
Sergeant Palmer at your service.
I'm undercover.
Tell Webb to call me when he's back.
He's, uh, on holiday vacation, which leaves me handling your case, Miss Hill, Jeannie Hill.
I hired your partner to protect me from my boyfriend.
Oh, well, you're in good hands, ma'am.
Oh, give me a break, Johnny Law.
Half the PD is in Bugsy's pocket.
Bugsy as in Benjamin Siegel.
Doesn't like it when you call him Bugsy.
But here's the kicker, He died last week.
And now he's back from the dead.
And he's more dangerous than ever.
He took over a joint on Sunset Boulevard called the Blue Iguana.
Playground of gangsters and the Hollywood elite.
Whatever vice floats your boat, that's where you'll find it.
Ladies and gentlemen, Welcome to the Blue Iguana.
Now, have fun, I insist.
If you don't, I just might have to shoot ya.
Here, smile for the camera, Mr.
Just, uh, cleaning up a little bit of crumbs.
Please, Ms.
Hill, continue.
I was there when Bugsy was assassinated by a mob hit man.
Saw the whole thing.
But then, the very next day, lover boy shows up at my doorstep, takes me to his club like nothing had happened.
And that's just the biscuit, here comes the gravy.
He's different now.
More ambitious and fearless.
I wanna leave him but I can't because I know he'd kill me.
Look, Ms.
Hill, we can protect you from your boyfriend.
But you're gonna need to get out of town for a few days.
Stay in a motel.
Things could get messy.
But I don't have any money.
Bugsy takes care of all that.
How can I ever repay you? No need to worry about that.
We just wanna make sure you're safe.
Secretary Sara, can you show Ms.
Hill the way out? Oh, she took you for an easy mark, Raymondo.
What? She was absolutely terrified.
Sara? Jury's still out on the missus, but it sounds like we need to pay a visit to the Blue Iguana.
- All right, this is more like it.
Feels good to be back in the field.
Ava, what's your status? Uh, beer.
Rory and I are just sidling up to the bar now.
We're gonna keep an eye on things.
I'm seeing two zones of egress.
Back door's a gray zone, front door's got about four guys sitting around it, which, quite frankly, feels like overkill.
What do you think, Mick? I think you need to relax.
Ray, you ready to grab Bugsy when he comes out? Ready and walking the beat.
Gotta say, feelin' pretty spiffy in this uniform.
Bugsy has drawn himself quite a crowd of ass kissers.
Yeah, and judging by the cheap threads and conservative haircuts, I'd say they're politicians.
Well, if it isn't our damsel in distress.
It's gonna be kinda hard to protect her from her beau when she's hanging on his arm.
I knew it, she's as bent as a nine-bob note.
Let's go.
Not so fast, sister.
What happened to getting out of town? You think a cab ride could get me away from what Bugsy's got on me? You and the rest of town, by the looks of it.
Look, ever since Bugsy came back, he gets whatever he wants, and everyone answers to him.
Politicians, studio heads Even the cops.
Then tell me, how'd he get so much juice so fast? By using America's favorite pastime, of course.
He's got a secret stash of compromising photographs he uses against all of them.
And what does that have to do with you? Everything.
I'm in those pictures.
Bugsy used me as bait to lure men and women into his trap.
When I first moved here from Shaker Heights, I thought I was gonna be famous.
And sure, I became famous all right.
Just not the right kind of famous.
I can't leave without those pictures.
Satisfied? You know, if Bugsy likes honey traps so much, why don't we give him a taste of his own medicine.
I couldn't help but notice you, and I gotta tell you, I like the way you walk.
I learned to do it all by myself, Mr.
Oh, please, Benjamin.
Hmm, Sara Lance, at your service.
Lance, huh? What's the matter, you don't like it? Well, I don't know yet, just trying it on for size.
You know, even if it fits, I'm a little curious about the price tag.
Well, if you have to ask, it's probably too expensive.
I take what I want.
Does that make you a thief, Mr.
Siegel? I am a lot of things, Ms.
And I am especially a thief.
Well, then let's stop all the tiddlywinks and get straight to the big reveal, shall we? Now, I'm a reporter for a new gossip rag, and I've got some dirt on half the city councilmen and the new archbishop.
It's in my car.
What do you say we go out back and you can take a peek what's in my trunk.
I say, you keep talking like that, I just might follow you anywhere.
Ray, I'm outside with Benjamin, car's this way.
You know, on second thought, why don't we ditch the club.
How 'bout, you and me, we go someplace with a little less company.
Actually, I think we already have company.
Your eyesight's 20/20 doll.
Those are Mickey Cohen's boys.
But after going through Hell, I ain't afraid of nothing on this Earth.
You might wanna jump outta the pot.
Water's about to boil.
Drop the gun, put your hands in the air.
Stand down, son, we'll take it from here.
Feels weird to be foiled by the good guys.
What's the plan B? Well, it looks like you're going downtown, Sergeant.
Tomorrow is huge.
We're making a line of dressy sneakers.
- It's gonna be so major.
- That's nice, dear.
So, Behrad, any girlfriends we should know about? No, Ma, there's not really much time for dating, given all the coursework.
But you need to take your nose out of your books on occasion.
Otherwise, you'll never find a nice Persian girl to marry.
By all means, add to your entourage.
How much does worshipping you pay these days? My team is my extended family.
They help me manage a multi-platform, multimillion dollar brand, and I didn't even have to go to business school.
Is that the air totem in the painti [KICKS CHAIR.]
Why, yes it is, professor.
How do you know about our family heirloom? Behrad told me.
Really, what did he tell you about the air totem? Just that I was so broken up when I found out it was stolen.
We keep the painting up as a memento.
Even though it's lost, I feel like it's still here with us today, in this very room.
So, Sara, do you want us back at the ship for a post-mission debrief? No, mission ain't over yet.
I need you guys posted at the club.
Keep your eyes peeled and your ears open.
What? Hmm? [LAUGHS.]
You wouldn't understand.
That you were the boss of a massive government organization, and now you do diddly-squat.
Wow, take it back, Rory.
You just summed up my life perfectly.
Can I get a double? Bugsy is gonna be pretty hard to catch if he still has that gun.
Well, we best get our hands on it pronto because only a weapon from Hell can eliminate a Hell-spawned encore.
And that gun may be useful in more ways than one.
Oh, good thing I have my best man on the job.
- Jeannie was right.
Bugsy really does have the LAPD in his pocket.
I'm gonna have to figure out another way to get that gun.
Can I take those arrest summaries off your hands? I'm on my way to records.
Sure, ah, that'd be super helpful.
It's tough to watch the department kowtow to a gangster.
That's exactly what I was thinking.
Oh, good cops like you are hard to find.
Name's Sullivan.
Palmer, Ray Palmer.
Well, see you 'round, Sergeant.
Officer Sullivan.
Can certainly set your watch to that fine constable.
We need a plan B.
If Ray can't get this gun, the last thing we need is Bugsy blasting anyone else out of existence.
Yeah, well, maybe a stretch of the old legs and some fresh air will give us some clarity.
- I think I know how to get Bugsy's gun.
So you got my message.
Look, if this is about the money your friend gave me, I already spent it.
I knew you were on the grift from the moment I laid eyes on ya.
And I never once fell for that Yankee accent of yours.
Well, all right then.
Well, now that we've dropped the charades, tell me, what is your angle? I wanna take Bugsy down.
Free this town from his sway.
The only way to do that is to destroy his blackmail stash.
Webb said he'd found it, but I'm guessing Bugsy killed him for snooping too close.
Well, that's bad news for Webb and good news for me, because I know where the stash is.
Well, aren't I the luckiest girl in the world.
What do you want in exchange? [INHALES DEEPLY.]
I want Bugsy's gun.
You lookin' to ice Bugsy? No, that bloke's not worth it.
I'm aiming at the person who brought him back.
Then we have a deal.
You get your guy, I get my freedom.
Now, how exactly are you planning on stealing Bugsy's prized weapon, eh? When we kiss I'll press my hand against his chest, and then I'll run my hand all the way down his body, and then I'll grab it like this.
- - You wanna know a secret? - No.
I just turned in my keys for my place in D.
Everything I own is now stuffed inside a Time Bureau softball league duffel bag.
I am essentially homeless, Rory.
Congratulations, you're part of the team.
Uh-uh, I'm a vagrant.
A vagabond.
Mm, no job, no rent, no kids.
- Uh-uh.
- Perfect.
It's just I had so many responsibilities at the Time Bureau.
People needed me.
You get it? You see that clown sitting over there? The one riddled with responsibilities.
Look at him.
He's miserable and he's welcome to it.
I just can't get over the fact that nobody needs me to do anything.
Nobody needs me to do anything.
You two still at the Blue Iguana? Uh, yes Captain, just following orders.
Great, I need you and Ava to create a diversion.
Clear the place out.
I'm gonna draw Bugsy back to the club so we can capture him.
I can do that.
Always a pleasure, Chief.
The lobster was excellent.
Stop right there, Mr.
What's the problem, officer? I, uh, I just need to search you before you leave.
This is highly irregular.
Actually, it's quite regular.
A new directive just came down from Deputy Chief Wiggum.
- It's just gonna take a second - [PHONE RINGS.]
What are you doing, son? Mr.
Siegel, call for you.
Sounds urgent.
Siegel here.
Benjamin, darling.
It's me.
Your new favorite source for all things juicy.
Lance, what's the rumpus? Must be pretty heavy if you're calling me on the blower.
Well, something is going down at your club.
Primo blackmail material.
Better leg it over here PDQ.
Sorry, guys.
Bugsy's leaving the station and he still has the gun.
No worry, big man.
I've got it covered.
You take care now, Mr.
Hey, baby.
You back to working the beat, Sergeant? Ha, I was just admiring Mr.
Siegel's automobile.
I guess crime really does pay.
Not today it doesn't.
'Cause I'm gonna do something about it.
You in, or what? [BELL BIV DEVOE'S "POISON".]
Girl, I must warn you I sense something strange in my mind Situation is serious Let's cure it 'cause we're running out of time Tell him, girl.
It's oh so beautiful Relationships, they seem from the start It's all so deadly When love is not together from the heart It's driving me out of my mind That's why it's hard for me to find Can't get it out of my head Miss her, kiss her, love her That girl is poison Never trust a big butt and smile That girl is poison [CROWD BOOING.]
- What's going on in there? - Oh, it's awful.
The worst thing I've seen in my life, and I was there when the Hindenburg went down.
Bum bum ba dum bum ba dum ba dum She's driving me out of my mind That's my girl.
- Hard for me to find - [MICROPHONE FEEDBACK.]
I can't get it out of my head What now? We wait and hope that John gets that Hell gun before Bugsy gets here.
That girl is poison Right.
That girl is poison See you at home, baby.
That was horrible.
Come on, sweetheart, let's get out of here.
I gotta go.
Something's stirring.
What is all this? A warrior You bring me all the way down here just so I can watch some no-name dame humiliate herself on stage? First of all, she is not a no-name.
That is my girlfriend.
And second, she is not humiliating herself.
- Yes she is.
- She's enjoying herself.
So this was just a lousy trick to get me down here.
There's no dirt, is there? The dirt is you.
You're supposed to be dead.
Instead you're blackmailing your way to the top.
After I came back, I realized that violence and murder that only gets you so far.
That's the real power in this world.
Well, whatever your deal is, you're screwing up history, and it is my job to stop you.
So you don't have to go to Hell, but you can't stay here.
Oh, I ain't going anywhere, Lance.
Jeannie! [GUNSHOTS.]
Never trust a smile Should we tell her the mission's over? Nah, let her finish.
Bum ba da bum ba da ba da ba sing - [SOLEMN MUSIC.]
- So embarrassing.
Dragon girl.
Is this when you became famous? Yep, first agent when I was 11.
He was a real piece of work.
Eventually, I took control of everything.
- Can I ask you something? - Hmm? When you first saw me, did you feel like we met before? Maybe.
I meet a lot of fans.
No, I mean, we met in another life.
Yeah, I totally got that vibe.
Oh, so it's not all in my head.
I feel like I've been living out this Taylor Swift song, but it feels crazy good.
We're definitely connected somehow, but something feels off.
I think the you I remember wasn't a professor.
Come on, I know Behrad's been lying to my parents about business school for years.
I only wanna make sure that he's been taking really good care of our family's totem.
Which he has been, right? [MUTTERS INDISTINCTLY.]
Yo, dude, we're cutting the cake, and they're asking for the special guest.
Come on.
Chill, B, your friend and I were just talking.
- Sure you were.
Let's go.
- Good talk.
- Bye, Professor.
- I warned you.
Stop pushing.
How did you figure out what these numbers meant? I spend more time in graveyards than I care to admit.
Elysian is a common moniker for them.
And those numbers, they represent a specific location for a particular gravestone.
There's something here.
Let's see, shall we? - [GRUNTS.]
- [GASPS.]
That's it.
Well, aren't we a pair of jammy bastards.
Now, it's time to destroy.
Forget the matches.
Step away from the briefcase.
Oh, hold on now, love.
We're all on the same side here.
There's only one side I'm on, John, and that's mine.
You told me you wanted to destroy that stash so that you and everyone else in the town could be free.
Yeah, but I figured why destroy it when I could just use it for myself? I'm sick and tired of people taking advantage of me.
With this briefcase, I'll finally have some real power around here.
Look, I understand your anger, but as soon as you touch Bugsy's dirt then you'll have a target on your back just like him.
But if you leave now, you can start over, have a new life.
Look, you don't have to do this, Jeannie.
Just walk away.
Walk away? Do you really expect me to give up this power after being so powerless my whole life? You know what? You're right.
Who am I to tell you what to do anyway? See, it's working already.
Okay, what do we do now? Once Bugsy's girl gets back to her car with the stash, we're gonna take care of the whole situation.
Take what do you mean "take care of"? You really are a straight arrow, aren't you? Wait a second, you wanna destroy the stash and Jeannie along with it? W why? She's just collateral damage.
It's the cost of war.
You're a police officer.
Did you ever hear the one about the last good cop in Los Angeles? It didn't end well for him.
Well, how's this for an ending? Get outta the car.
You sure you wanna do that? [TAPPING.]
If you were coming all the way to Burbank just to meet up with your mobster friends and kill Jeannie, why even bring me along? 'Cause we needed a fall guy.
Come on, boys.
Drinks are on the LAPD.
Well, I guess this is where we say good-bye, Johnny.
It's been swell.
Five bullets left.
Use them wisely.
John, Jeannie.
Jeannie! Jeannie, no! [ENGINE STARTING.]
They killed her.
Forget it, Ray.
It's Burbank.
Hey, holding cell still works.
Who are you people? You communists? Idiots.
I know you're probably pretty confused, Mr.
Siegel, but you might as well make yourself comfortable because you may be here for a while.
I should blast you straight to oblivion, you damn bastard.
You made Jeannie's life miserable and now she's dead because of you.
I may have corrupted a wannabe starlet.
But you? You created a real monster.
Astra Logue.
You know what? It's funny that you mention her.
I was just about to go and see her.
John, if you're about to do what I think you're gonna do, then you'd better be sure.
Hand him over, big man.
Go on.
Yeah, that's it, big boy.
See, you're my ticket to Hell.
Flesh become my flesh, soul become my soul.
Hades, firstborn of Cronus and Rhea, I call upon you.
Light her up, big man.
Hey, Astra says you're banned.
Is that so? [CROWD SCREAMING.]
You just can't stay away, can you? Careful, he's still got one bullet left.
Oh, I appreciate your concern, Benjamin, but I'm not worried about him.
We're old friends, aren't we, Johnny? So why don't you tell me what you came all the way down here for? I came all the way down here to tell you That I'm not giving up on you.
And even if it takes me till the end of my days, I promise you that I will find a way.
Another meaningless promise made by the great John Constantine.
- You've gone soft.
Not that soft.
This one's for Jeannie.
I'll be seeing you around, love.
So what happened down there? I need a drink.
Not this time.
Is Astra ? When I got down there, I was swarmed.
Astra had the drop on me.
She knew I was coming.
- And the gun? - It's gone.
We'll figure out another way.
Hey, whatever really happened back there with Astra, I'm sure it wasn't easy.
What are you talking about, big man? Just so you know, if I had taken care of Nora back when we all thought she was evil, we wouldn't be happy and together right now.
Oh, I had the chance to pull the trigger, to end all this.
But I couldn't do it.
What's all your grinning about? Just happy there's still good guys out there.
Even if one of them is a master of the dark arts.
You know, you're wrong about me, Ray.
But I will save Astra, and you should know it's just as much for me as it is for her, all right? Hey, don't give Ava a hard time for getting on stage, all right? I don't want her to be too embarrassed.
She's not gonna remember a thing.
Well, hello! Ha.
Where's my invite to this party, huh, Mickey boy? I spat in that.
Old prison habit.
I cannot believe that I sang in front of all those people.
I w I was awesome.
I killed it.
I k And did you see my backup band? They were like, "Ooh, tsh tsh, mwah".
Uh, please, please tell me somebody got a video.
- Actually, we - Uh-uh.
Mm, and another thing.
Seriously, Sara, I love you so much.
Working that side mish with Rory was way more fun than running any stupid Time Bureau.
Like "responsinilities".
Wha ? Who needs 'em.
Oh, good babe, I'm glad you had fun.
Just know there is no small role on this team.
Right, Rory? Right.
Mm-kay, night-night, sweetheart.
Look, there is more to Zari than you give her credit for.
She is buried down deep inside underneath all that fame.
You were getting' played, man.
Don't feel bad.
She does this all the time.
I know who you are.
- You do? - Yeah.
The more we talked, the more you looked familiar.
Then I realized where I knew you from.
The Waverider.
What's a Waverider? No.
Tell me that's not you there in the star spangled outfit.
In fact, you were both there.
That's totally you, Behrad.
Can't believe I never noticed it before.
What I don't get is how Heyworld was 24 years ago, but you two haven't aged a day.
What the hell is going on? Zari, you've finally lost it.
You accuse me of being a fake, but you're the one living a lie.
Maman, Baba Okay, shh.
Just hang on.
No, I will not hang on.
It's time they finally heard the truth.
What the hell? Where am I? You are on a 22nd century timeship, designation WR2059.
Currently situated in the temporal zone.
Hey, guys, who's your friend? We can explain everything.
Yeah, ya better.
Who are you people? Guys, meet Zari.
She's my sister.
Whoa, oh, oh.
Help! Help! [WHIMPERING.]
Help! [QUIETLY.]
That girl is poison - Ahh! -
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