DC's Legends Of Tomorrow (2016) s05e06 Episode Script

Mortal Khanbat

1 Previously on "Legends of Tomorrow" Astra's dead mother was a powerful witch.
Why did you bring me back? Natalie, is that really you? Natalie brought you here to help me save Astra.
What do you know about the loom of fate? - You want to know what I'm hiding from? - Yes, I do.
It's that bloody loom.
He still has 10 years.
Can you make it zero? Bye-bye, Johnny.
- John? - [WHEEZING.]
John, can you hear me? - [HEART BEATING LOUDLY.]
- What happened? He just collapsed out of nowhere.
After coughing up a bucket of blood.
Come on, Johnny.
Stay with us.
Gideon, we'll need to run a scan.
Right away, Dr.
Oxygen mask, please.
The loom.
Where is it, Charlie? Not now, John, all right? You gotta rest.
- What loom? - Astra's ghost mom, she told Oh, my God! Hold me, hold me, hold me! What the hell's going on? As you can see from his chest X-ray, Mr.
Constantine has a very aggressive form of lung cancer.
I'm afraid it's terminal.
Well, there's no point in quitting now.
There's nothing funny about lung cancer, John.
Who's laughing? - [COUGHS.]
- If you lose your hair, I'm shaving my head in solidarity.
Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.
Hold on a minute.
No saucy AI is butchering me and pumping me full of - [INJECTS SEDATIVE.]
- I took the liberty of administering a sedative.
Constantine needs to rest.
Gideon, prepare the jumpship.
Where are you going? You can't escape us.
You can't get away.
- Damn.
- We see you.
No, you don't.
Oh, mate.
You're back.
Well, how are you doing, B-Easy? Where you been? Oh, I was just, I was just hanging out with Constantine.
How is he? - Dying.
- What? Oh, no, don't worry.
You know John-O.
He's always got a trick up his sleeve.
Bro, that donut you made me eat had me hallucinating.
Starting today, I'm on a juice cleanse.
Sorry, this is my friend, Charlie.
- Charlie, meet my sister.
- Hmm, good fashion.
Team meeting on the bridge.
Does that mean me? That means you too, Zari.
Hmm, cool.
So you coming? I wouldn't miss it.
Oh, Charlie.
We could really use your help right now.
With Sara in Star City and Rory in a mood, we are short-staffed.
What's Mick in a mood about? [GASPS.]
Ali, his girlfriend.
Ray, they on they only had sex once.
Well, when you know, you know.
- You know? - [CLEARS THROAT.]
Okay, listen.
I know we're all worried about John, okay? And we could just sit back and wait for a miracle.
But does Marie Kondo rest just because she built an empire? - No.
- No.
No, she tidies up.
And that is exactly what we're gonna continue to do.
We are gonna tidy up the timeline, yeah? Gideon, show them what we've been working on.
Each point represents a potential encore, which means we can catch them before they change history.
I call her, "The Prognosticator.
" [CLAPS.]
Um Okay, anyway.
There's a category five in 1997 Hong Kong.
A mysterious gangster is moving in - on the Triad's territory.
- Ray, I want you and Zari to QB.
Oh, you don't have to tell me to "queen bee.
" - It'll look her naturally.
- Oh, you know what.
Hong Kong traffic is notoriously bad.
So why don't we take my new - Scooter - Whoa.
I call her, "Scoots McGoots.
" - Ah, dude.
- So awesome.
The scooter, you're all impressed by? Oh, my God, I need one.
Wanna go for a ride? - Yeah.
- Yes.
- And away we go.
- Totally.
- Okay, I'm next.
- Wait, careful.
- Slow down.
- Okay.
All right, speed 'er up.
Hey, hey.
Never been to Hong Kong before.
So what's the plan? I had Gideon cook up the same sedative she dosed John with.
All we have to do is inject the encore and bring him back to the ship for naptime.
One problem.
We're just supposed to hope the encore shows up looking for a copper? This is no ordinary tea shop.
It's owned by the Triad.
Nate, how's the perimeter sweep? No sign of a gangster from hell yet.
So it looks like we've arrived right as Great Britain was getting ready to hand control of Hong Kong back to China.
Oh, well that's probably not pertinent, but keep up the research.
Gary, what are you doing here? John's trying to leave the ship.
You have to stop him.
You should return to the med bay, Mr.
John, what are you doing out and about? Listen, Big Man.
Look, I know you're only trying to help, all right? But nobody gets stage four lung cancer this fast.
Some sneaky git with a grudge against me is bending the rules of magic.
Oh, who could hate you that much? [SIGHS.]
The list is long.
I'm taking the jumpship home to narrow it.
- John, no.
I cannot let you leave this ship.
You are in need of medical supervision.
Oh, you can't let me? You forget who I am, Old Son? [SUSPENSEFUL MUSIC.]
But I'm going with you.
That was intense.
Your encore's a no-show.
I say we split.
13th century armor.
Fu Manchu mustache.
Guys? I think I know who the encore is.
It's Genghis freaking Khan.
How the hell did Genghis Khan get to 1997 and learn how to ride a motorbike? Genghis used horses to revolutionize warfare.
A motorbike's a modern day horse.
Looks like he's meeting with the Triad.
What sort of man steals my drugs when my nephew's here, only to return them to me? I have only one interest.
Surrender the Triad to me, and I will remake the globe.
And if I refuse? We're not getting in that room.
We should abort.
Regroup on the ship.
What? And stay in Hong Kong longer? Give me the syringe.
Let's finish this.
, I'm gonna need a distraction.
It's too dangerous.
Any moment.
Charlie, stop.
Don't do this.
, run.
We're the cops.
Freeze, jackass.
Great distraction, B.
Genghis is leaving.
I'm going after him.
Charlie, wait.
Charlie? [GRUNTS.]
- I'm out.
- Me too.
Drop your guns.
Shoot him.
- Huh? - Nice timing.
Scoots? [GROANS.]
- Shoot him! - He's immortal.
And I'm not.
You're lucky.
Maybe next time, not so lucky.
Gary, bring me the foxglove, a serpent's tongue, and the hair of an albino.
- All right.
- John, you need some water? Bollocks.
No mate.
Just do me a favor and pull up the rug.
- What are you planning? - [COUGHS.]
Summoning spell.
I'm gonna throttle the bastard that did this to me.
Are you really up for that? Yeah, no two-bit demon is getting the better of me.
I'm John Constantine, and I am devious to the core.
I added honey, just how you like it.
Good, now give it here.
Johnny [LAUGHS.]
Show your face.
The great John Constantine.
Brought to his knees.
There are denizens of heaven and hell who would kill to see this.
Why? You're bad for business, John.
The cancer was already in your lungs.
I just sped it up.
I swear this magic is way beyond you, love.
Look, whoever helped you, whatever you promised them in exchange, trust me, it's a trap.
I'll keep that in mind.
You know, I would have expected your purgatory to be a little more [PRESSES PIANO KEYS.]
Well, you don't remember this place then.
Your mother brought you here.
So that's your angle.
I knew you'd try something, John.
Astra, I can change your mother's fate.
All right, she never dies, you never go to hell, your dad, he He never drowns his sorrow in booze.
Your family can be whole again.
But everyone you try to help, you hurt.
This is different, all right? I know someone who has a lead on a very powerful artifact.
"I know someone.
" John, listen to yourself.
It's pathetic.
No, what is pathetic is that someone who is so content to rule hell because they are too scared to make a go at a real life.
Look, this is what Natalie wanted, love.
I just, I need a little more time.
Time is something you're running low on.
- Oh, thank God.
- [GASPS.]
No, the Man Upstairs had nothing to do with this.
It was Astra.
She owns the chip to my soul.
She's figured out a way how to spin down the dial on the time I have left.
John, I'm sorry.
Oh, cheer up, lads.
This dog is still in the fight.
That went well.
My "queen bee-ing," I mean.
You four almost got yourselves killed.
- I had fun.
- Fun? You got us stuck in the middle of a shootout.
That's why I love Bruce Lee.
He never uses guns.
Keep your knickers on.
You have wind powers.
You could have just stopped the bullets mid-air.
Stop bullets? [LAUGHS.]
You're crazy.
Look, this is all my fault.
We should have been gathering intel, not doping the encore.
- Gideon? - I'm currently tracking Genghis Khan's whereabouts via his license plate.
Great, 'cause we need to figure out how and why Genghis just showed up in 1997 Hong Kong.
Charlie, you up for some undercover work? Oh, I get it, just because I'm the shape-shifter, I have to be the one to infiltrate the criminal gang.
Sorry, pause.
You're a shape-shifter? Yeah, I am actually.
I can shift into anyone you like.
- Anyone? - Yeah, anyone.
- Hah.
- All right, come on.
Where's Mick? I'm gonna get a drink.
- I need to smoke.
- Well, I [SIGHS.]
I don't get it.
They used to be best buds.
Oh, there's only one explanation.
and Charlie went to pound town.
Ew, gross, ugh.
- Wait, what? - Moan zone? Smash city? - Ava.
- [GASPS.]
They had sex? [MOTORCYCLE REVS.]
All right, guys.
- I'll see you in a bit.
- Charlie.
Oh, here we go.
Another lecture.
No, I just Be careful.
- She won't talk.
Ah, the hero cop from the tea house.
Ava, you there? Yeah, Charlie.
You find something? Genghis kidnapped your cop friend.
What do we have here? Only one child.
How unambitious.
Nevertheless, give me what I desire, and I will spare his life.
- John, Nora's here.
- All right, I'm coming.
Okay, Pippa.
Can you wish our friend, John, healthy like we discussed? Yes, but I want something first.
Pippa's made a lot of progress, but we're still working on a few challenges.
The Master of the Dark Arts needs your help.
Shut up, four eyes.
Now you listen to me, you little squirt.
Are you gonna make that damn wish? Because if you don't and I die, then I'm gonna come back and haunt you every waking hour of your life.
Fairy Godmother, I wish your scary British friend wasn't sick.
There you go, easy.
No matter.
I'll try something else.
I wish I was home.
Bye, Ray.
Bye, Nora.
So when did you and Charlie, you know? [CLICKS TONGUE.]
It's that obvious? Mm-hmm.
After "HeyWorld.
" Wow.
That's nice.
How was it? She shape-shift? That's what we wanna talk about? 100%, but we don't have to.
Look, Charlie's clearly affecting you.
So come on.
Talk to me.
- It's stupid.
- What? She left without saying goodbye.
Yeah, that sucks.
But if you were thousands of years old, wouldn't you be over goodbyes? The least she could've done is texted.
How hard is it to send a ghost emoji? Maybe it wasn't about you.
Dumb Dumb's got a good point.
, chin up.
You are a catch.
If there was a female version of you, I would be all over her.
- Like my sister? - Absolutely.
But the point is we don't know why Charlie didn't say goodbye.
So just check your ego and ask her.
You're right.
Thanks, Nate.
My man.
Where's our prisoner? [SUSPENSEFUL MUSIC.]
Even with Prince Charles's motorcade route, he'll be heavily guarded.
Wait, Prince Charles is the target? He's here to hand Hong Kong back to China.
What if The Khan wants Prince Charles to give to him instead? An authoritarian power wants to control Hong Kong.
That sounds familiar.
The worst part of my resurrection was finding myself buried in an impenetrable tomb.
It took me 700 years to dig myself out.
The best part of my resurrection was the sword I was buried with.
Genghis just killed a cop with a hell weapon.
Son of a bitch.
Okay, you got what we needed.
Charlie, get the hell out of there.
What is the status of my fleet? Your fleet? The one you are building to conquer the globe.
Fleet's great.
In fact, I have to go check on it right now.
Don't freak out.
I can explain.
Never mind.
- Clotho.
- [PANTS.]
No matter what face you wear, you can't hide from us.
Leave me alone, ugh.
Are you okay? Yeah, I'm fine.
So what's the verdict? Can you heal me? [GROWLS.]
Well, then.
Screw you.
Come with me.
He didn't mean that.
Yeah, I did.
I wish you would just let us take you to the oncologist.
Raymond, how many times do I have to tell you? [SIGHS.]
This is a disease caused by magic, and only magic can fix it.
"How to Add Years to Your Life.
" Yeah, that should do it.
Although the ingredient list is a little unusual.
We'll need a medieval knight.
I was once knighted "Sir Raymond of the Palms.
" Great.
Gary, grab a knife.
We're gonna perform a little back alley surgery on the Big Man.
What kind of surgery? Well, first off, are you uncircumcised? [STAMMERS.]
Well, I'll take that as a yes.
Gary, the knife.
We tried Nora.
We tried the Púca.
What if there isn't a cure? Isn't there anyone you that you need to say goodbye to? What about a bucket list? [WHEEZES.]
Goodbyes are for saps.
And bucket lists are for mealy-mouthed cowards who don't have the courage to carpe the bloody diem.
I have a bucket list.
Well, thank you for proving my point, Raymond.
Stop being so mean.
You know, we're trying to help you - Help me? - Yes.
Captain America and the village idiot.
Well, I don't need your help.
I take care of myself.
I always have.
What, you think I'm gonna let Astra beat me? I will fight, and I will scheme, and I will make a deal with the archangel himself.
You hear that, Gabriel? Hey, come and get me.
Have I got an offer for you.
Looks like he's not coming.
Well, I'll think of something, I always do.
Now, piss off, I've had enough of the pair of you.
Go on.
Who the hell are you? I'm the last queen of France.
Right, just when I thought this ship couldn't get any more barmy.
Looking for a time courier? Why are you in such a hurry to leave? Again.
You know me.
Always looking for the next party.
Usually, I would buy that.
But you just almost walked into a truck.
Something has you spooked.
Is whatever's going on the reason why you left? - Here we go.
- Look, I'll admit it.
I liked you.
I was hurt when you left.
And I've felt weird ever since you returned.
Now, can you be honest with me? Honestly, you are starting to piss me off.
You know, we had sex, and it was mediocre.
Get over it.
Wow, okay.
I'm gonna ignore that.
If you don't wanna talk, fine.
But we're about to go up against Genghis Khan.
- Don't leave now.
Just give me the courier.
Bye, Charlie.
Mediocre is no bad.
Charlie's gone? How could you let her leave? I didn't.
It was her choice.
Okay, hey, how about we focus on Genghis Khan? You're right.
We need to stop him from attacking Prince Charles's motorcade.
Well, he's on his way to a ceremony ending 156 years of colonial rule, so.
Have you been researching history? Oh, sorry.
That's your thing, right? - No, but it's cool that you're into - Okay.
Hey, okay.
- Moving on, right? - Mm-hmm.
Turns out the person Charlie impersonated is an engineer.
There's a shipment coming in tonight.
I'll bet you that's the fleet Genghis uses for his attack.
What kind of fleet? Whatever it is, it's the next step of modern warfare.
I'll go to the docks.
I'll try to figure it out.
Okay, Zari and I will monitor the airspace above the motorcade, and you'll be on the street.
I know it's a lot of ground to cover.
If Charlie was here I get it.
I'm on my own.
I can't believe you stooped to trying to make a deal with an angel.
What the Gabriel would have turned you into his slave.
Well, at least I'd be alive.
There are worse fates than death.
I will shove you where the sun don't shine - just to shut you up.
- Hmm.
You'd probably enjoy that.
Hell of a way to spend your last nights on earth though, you arrogant bastard.
Especially when you could be with two of the only friends you have left.
Nice one.
I just feel so helpless.
- You know? - Me too, Gary.
If he has to go, I just, I want him to be at peace.
Well, that's not his style.
John's gonna go out - the way he lived.
- Yeah.
Like a bloody wanker, eh? You know it occurs to me that I might owe you two a bit of an apology.
We accept.
Oh, that's okay.
Come on, sit [COUGHS.]
All right, okay.
- You're hurting me.
Go on.
- Oh.
Sit down.
Stop bloody fussing, will you? [COUGHS.]
You know, I can't remember the last time this room was used as an actual kitchen.
Well, there's a roast in the oven.
- It'll be ready soon.
- Mm.
Did I ever tell you both about the time I met the ghost of Winston Churchill? [DRAMATIC MUSIC.]
Behrad, what's your status? It's complete gridlock.
No one's getting through on the ground.
The fleet must be in the air.
Nate, did you find the shipment? Oh, no.
We're too late.
Whatever there was, there was a lot of them.
Nate, get downtown and help Behrad.
Hold on.
I think they might have left something.
What's that noise? Oh, my God.
Charge! [MEN YELLING.]
They're getting through the gridlock on their scooters.
Heading straight for Prince Charles's motorcade.
Stay down, Your Majesty.
Turn here.
I could really use some help! Nate, tell me you're close, please.
I'd be lying.
, it's your time.
You got this.
- Protect the prince! - [GUNSHOTS.]
Get down.
Take cover.
Look out.
Not again.
Look who it is.
I'm sorry I couldn't protect you, Prince Charles.
It's not your fault.
But my friends call me Charlie.
Apprehend this imposter.
Show your true form, or I end him.
Looks like your luck has run out, shape-shifter.
Where is the prince? Sorry, Genghi.
He's somewhere you'll never find him.
Your shape-shifting friend said you need to tell your team that I'm here.
And I told her I'm on my beer break.
Now shut up, Princess, and listen.
I've never met one of your kind before.
You will be my 13th wife.
Come again, mate? Your power will serve my reign well.
Join me as I build a new empire that will span the globe.
Look, I'm flattered, but I've had power of immortals and gods alike.
It blows.
My past is complicated.
And being in a relationship Trust me, that wouldn't end well for either of us.
Did you two sleep together or something? [SCOFFS.]
What a shame.
Kill her.
What? No.
Come on.
Unless you lot want those bullets firing back at you, bugger off.
Run away! Run away! Run away! Run away! I told you you could stop bullets.
Not that I wanted to find out.
Come here.
- Yeah, that was sick.
- I know.
- Is that Genghis's toothpick? - Well, yeah, you want it? - Oh, no, it's disgusting.
You said you were gonna tell us what's really going on with you.
Look, I'm just, I'm still trying to find the words, all right? Can you try to find them faster? [SMACKS LIPS.]
I'm just gonna come out with it.
I am a Fate.
One of the three old Greek ladies? That's offensive, but correct.
- Which one are you? - Clotho, the spinner.
I'm super confused, but what do you spin? Look, I don't spin anything anymore, but I used to spin people's futures.
On your loom? Oh, lovely.
Even Gideon's joining in.
Yes, there was a loom, but I destroyed it thousands of years ago.
No one should have that kind of power.
I think people should just decide their own destinies.
Why didn't you just tell us? Look, I've been keeping this secret for my entire bloody existence, all right? I've never told anyone.
Can we see your OG form? Absolutely not.
Is it 'cause you're old? It's because your eyes would explode, all right? And your ears too if you could hear my original voice.
Why are you running? My sisters are coming after me.
They have been ever since I destroyed our loom.
Wait, you've been running for thousands of years? Yes, and I've always stayed one step ahead.
I scattered the loom pieces across the multiverse, which took away my sisters' powers.
But now that we're all in one universe thanks to Sara and her merry band of paragons the loom pieces are back on one plane.
And now it's only a matter of time until my sisters find me.
And when they do? They'll kill me.
And anyone that I'm with.
Which is why I left.
And it's why I'm out that door now that we're done playing ask a fate.
Stop running.
We got your back.
That's exactly what I'm afraid of.
My sisters are no joke.
Well, we're the Legends.
Yeah, we can take down a couple old ladies.
What is with all these damn scooters? They're a menace.
Oh, hey, guys.
- John, this wine is delicious.
- And nutritious.
Well, there's no point in saving the good stuff, eh? I'm never gonna drink with you again.
Oh, come on, mate.
Stiff upper lip, eh? I'm gonna miss you so much, you know? Nothing can make me feel better.
Oh, bollocks, all right.
Look, I didn't want you to see my will until I died.
But, Raymond, can you do the honors? Oh, sure.
You're giving this house to Gary? [CRYING.]
Bloody hell, that was supposed to make you happy.
Not insufferable.
I promise to take great care of this place, you know? I'll feed the hellhounds, I'll vacuum You know, why don't we talk about what you had on your bucket list, eh, mate? - Really? - Yeah.
Give me something meaningful, eh? Well, eventually I plan on asking Nora to marry me.
Can I be your flower boy? Oh, that's very sweet, Gary.
Odd but very sweet.
Why haven't you asked her yet, Big Man? I've been engaged twice before.
Both times didn't end as I had hoped.
You know, life, it is too short to dillydally, Raymond.
I know you you can take that from a man who has nothing but regrets.
So if you love that witch, you bloody will marry her, right? [COUGHS.]
No, no, no.
I'm all right, I'm all right.
Now how about a toast, eh? Okay.
No, with this.
Oh, of all the ways that I'd thought I'd go, decapitated by a demon, eviscerated by an elemental, I wouldn't have picked being at home with my mates.
- Cheers.
- Cheers.
- Cheers.
- Cheers.
You know, I just wish I had more time with you lovely idiots.
Well, you're not dead yet, John.
No, but I will be momentarily.
John Constantine.
He always goes out on his own terms.
Couldn't wait to see me, John.
60 seconds and you're dead.
Poison does that.
It was the same poison your mother used to kill herself.
You won't change my mind.
I'm not trying to.
I just want you know that even though you gave up on her, your mum never gave up on you.
Are you going to Scarborough Fair Parsley, sage, rosemary, and thyme - Remember me - Stop.
To one who lives there For once BOTH: She was A true love of mine That was our song.
Aye, it was.
But she sang it to me first.
You can really bring her back? [COUGHS.]
Answer me.
I can fix everything.
I'm glad that hurt.
Tick tock, John.
I can kill you anytime I want.
- Oh, oh, my God! - I can't take this anymore.
- How are you alive? Astra, she reconsidered.
She reconsidered, she reconsidered.
She reconsidered.
She reconsidered! Oh, I can't bloody believe it.
I'm back in the game.
Oh, Bully.
Bully, Bully, Bully.
Bully, I love you! Bully, Bully, Bully, Bully, Bully.
Yes, I can't believe she bloody reconsidered! Mwah! I feel like a new man.
Ah, yeah.
I can't believe I was gonna leave my house to you.
- What? - Here, give me that will.
How did you get Astra to change her mind? Well, by making a promise that I intend to keep.
Hail the Waverider.
I need to see a lady about a loom.

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