Deli Boys (2025) s01e04 Episode Script

1
It's 2:00 a.m. in Philly.
It's the kind of winter night
where the air is crisp
and the streets are dead quiet.
I was waiting for a cheesesteak
at Pat's.
The guy behind the window,
he's working steaks on the grill
like he's been doing
since he was a baby,
a maestro like that
kid Brad Cooper.
There I am.
I'm watching this,
and it hits me.
The cheesesteak is Philly.
The ingredients may seem
run-of-the-mill,
your steak, your cheese,
your onions,
mushrooms if you're a pussy.
But it's the way you bring
it all together that matters,
something greater than
the sum of its parts.
The thing of it is if you try
to change one thing
in that formula,
you ruin the whole thing.
Same with our city,
same with our business.
In other words, it's gonna be
very hard to digest,
and some people die
of indigestion.
[person gagging]
[R&B Soul music playing]
[funky upbeat music playing]
[gunshots]
[bullet shells clinking]
Shit! Fuck!
So we're missing a few kilos
of uncut cocaine.
Can't we just like,
I don't know,
get some more?
I thought drugs were
your specialty?
They are, and when I lose mine,
I call my guy,
and he gives me
a five-hour window.
Will you stop talking?
[whispers] How pissed
do you think Chickie is?
On a scale of hospital stays?
One month.
Okay, well, maybe it's
not that bad.
Maybe he picked it
up early for us,
like a kind neighbor does
with Amazon packages?
This isn't a 12-pack of socks.
It's a pallet of illegal drugs.
[upbeat music playing]
[Nick] Mr. Lozano
will see you now.
Game time.
Okay, okay, okay.
When you go see this guy,
just don't, uh,
say anything stupid.
-Okay?
-Okay, got it.
Actually Mm-mm-mm.
Don't talk at all.
-Cool.
-[Mir Dar] Yeah.
Chup. Hmm?
-[Raj Dar] Hmm?
-[Lucky] Mm.
-Mm.
-Hmm.
It shows up in my city,
on my dock.
It sits there unclaimed
and somehow it's yours?
Remember, it's your privilege
that I allow you
to do business in Philadelphia.
Alright, who's the boss?
-They are.
-[Mir] Uh
Th-these are Baba's sons.
This Is Mir and Raj Dar.
They completely took over
the business after Baba died.
I liked your father.
Giant balls.
But how come I never met
you guys till now?
What, did you not inherit
your father's balls?
-Um, uh, permission to speak
-[Lucky] No.
Mr. Lasagna?
We do have our father's balls,
we both do.
He just hadn't brought us
into the business yet
for our own safety.
You're soft?
-No.
-[Mir sighs]
Your permission
to sell cocaine
in the greater Philadelphia area
is hereby revoked.
-What?
-Oh no.
[tense music playing]
With all due respect, Chickie,
we need at least a chance
to try and unload
this shipment.
The only money we have
is in that pallet,
along with your vig.
Feels like a you problem.
We just need a little more time.
Um, Mir, beg.
Please, Mr. Lozano,
please give us a chance.
We-we'll do whatever
we have to do.
This has been a very weird
time for us, okay?
I-I've been to business school.
Between us,
I know how business works,
and my brother,
he's kind of a dumbass.
Okay? But, but he means well.
I know, I know we're
new at this,
but we can do a good job, okay?
For, for our Baba.
If you really loved him
as much as you say you do,
and if you just give us
this one opportunity,
we'll all be making
so much money
Okay, I'll give you 24 hours
to fucking move that shit,
get me my money.
Otherwise, I'll hunt you
all down and kill you.
Thank you, Chickie.
Boys. Your compassion
knows no bounds.
-Get the pallet.
-[Chickie Lozano] Oh, hey, hey! Yo!
I need some collateral.
The human kind.
Ooh! All in favor of Ahmad.
-[Mir/Raj] Hanjee!
-What the fuck?
I had the votes.
Thank you.
[upbeat dance music playing]
-[Lucky] Get in through the
-[Raj] Okay. Alright.
Are you Get, get in
[Raj] So angry.
Can you just carry more
than one fucking box?
-Hello?
-[Mir screams]
Bushra!
[Bushra] You should really lock
the door if no one is working.
Thank you so much
for the tip, Bushra,
but Mir is very busy.
I'll be right there, please.
[grunts] Five minutes, let's go.
-[Raj] Bye, Bushra.
-You look great.
Is this one of your
pharma rep outfits?
Yes, it is, Mir.
I'm a working woman again.
I don't know what our
life is anymore,
so I had no choice.
What does that mean?
Our wedding is
around the corner,
and you're running
around town with Raj
doing God knows what.
In the three seconds
that we do talk
before you hang up,
you don't tell me shit.
We used to do
everything together.
Now it feels like you don't
want me to be a part
of your life anymore.
I just
I can't explain.
So you're shutting me out again?
[sighs]
It's like you're not even here.
[dramatic music playing]
Take it.
[music stops]
It's obvious that's
what you want,
you just can't say it.
[tense music playing]
[Prairie] Okay.
Raj's Pluto is in
his fourth house,
which means crazy upheaval,
so maybe that's what
the FBI is picking up on.
You really think the FBI
tracks persons of interest
based off of
planetary movements?
-They should.
-Their father was a criminal,
and they are criminals.
Scorpio.
-That's beside the point.
-[Prairie] Mm-hmm.
[Chickie] Settle into your
new home for the day.
Sure you don't want some soup?
I'm intermittent fasting.
You know, I really
thought that you would be
the boss after Baba died.
In the old days, I'd have
been boss automatically,
because, you know
But nowadays, everything's
so fucking bureaucratic.
You saw how they took
a vote to get rid of me?
They took a fucking vote!
-[Chickie sighs]
-I can't say anything either.
I got kicked out of a deal
because I happened
to state some "facts"
about Indians.
I thought you were Indian?
No. [spits]
I'm Pakistani.
So you guys hate each other
even though you look
exactly alike?
Uh-oh.
Chickie's canceled.
[Chickie and Ahmed laughing]
Canceled.
[all laughing]
["Thank You" by Dido
softly playing on stereo]
My tea's gone cold
I'm wondering why ♪
I got out of bed at all ♪
-The morning rain clouds up my window ♪
-[Mir deeply sighs]
-And I can't see at all ♪
-[Raj] Hello?
You gonna blink or?
Baba loved Bushra.
He was really proud of you,
'cause she was way
out of your league.
He's gonna be so pissed
I let her go.
There is no time for heartbreak.
Ralph, the coke processor,
is here
and he needs hands now.
Just give me five more
minutes to mourn
the losing of the
love of my life,
and I'll get back to being
your little drug dealer.
We have 18 hours
to get the cocaine cut,
bagged, and out the door,
or we are all fucked.
Whoa, toxic freaking workplace.
[Prairie] Hey, guys.
Mir, what's wrong?
Bushra broke off the engagement.
Oh, my God!
Oh, it's okay. I'm here to help.
[Lucky] [whispering]
What the fuck is she doing here?
["Thank You" continues
softly playing]
[Prairie sighs]
You fix him, we have work to do.
[Raj] Thanks, Prair,
you're my angel.
["Fire" by
Lizzy Mercier Descloux playing]
Fire, I bid you to burn ♪
Raj, this is Ralph,
our expert cocaine processor.
More like a, a cocaine chef.
Ralph, this is Raj,
Baba's older son,
and he's here to help
The extra lazy one?
-[Lucky chuckles]
-Well
except for when
it comes to drugs.
Some would say
they're my passion.
[Lucky] Okay. We have
a shit ton of coke
to move by tomorrow morning.
-Chop-chop.
-Alright!
This is my famous recipe,
so don't fuck it up.
-You got it.
-We take the pure cocaine from the pallet,
we cut it with 25% baking soda,
25% baby laxative,
and a dash of cardamom.
Pow.
That's how they know
it's from the chef.
-[Raj] Hmm.
-Then we re-bag the cut bricks,
place them in the Achar,
and they make their journey
out into the world.
I mean, with this mix,
the final product comes out
to barely half cocaine?
[Ralph chuckles]
-A mathlete.
-[Raj] Hmm.
Ah, that's correct.
-That's how we get more from each brick.
-Hmm.
I-I mean, I would never do
this shitty bargain blow,
and your boy's got
a season pass for the slopes.
-Bargain blow.
-Um
can we switch it up?
-Switch it up?
-That would be great.
Let's switch it up.
Yeah, make a new recipe,
I think it'd be fun.
[Ralph] Huh, okay.
So the thing is,
I'm a coke savant.
The Willy Wonka of white.
I was the Doogie Howser of Coke,
and I'm the Cocaine Chef.
So when I tell you
to do something,
you say, "Yes, Chef."
[snickers]
Yeah. [scoffs] No.
[tense music playing]
[Prairie] The tub is a womb,
and you, Mir,
you are both mother and child.
Okay?
[Prairie] A Return to Womb,
certified US trademark,
allows you to rebirth yourself
and come out anew.
Come on, tell me what's going on.
Be honest.
-My fiancée and I broke up.
-[Prairie] Mm-hmm.
I am poor.
My dad died.
That's what I'm saying,
you guys are just in turmoil.
What?
Nothing. Deep breaths.
-[calming music playing]
-[door slams]
[Lucky] What the hell?
Bath time is over.
Mir, you are coming with me.
Your brother
But I'm still in the womb.
If you pull me out now,
I will be premature.
-That's true.
-Too bad, very sad. Get up.
I really can't,
Lucky Auntie.
I got, like, a situation
going on downstairs.
Feelings make me grow.
-[Lucky] Mm Mm.
-[Mir exhales]
You're a little asshole,
aren't you?
What's next, cutting our coke
with Fentanyl?
Fentanyl? Fentanyl.
Fentanyl?!
-[Raj] What are you doing? What are Oh!
-How dare you?
Hey, hey, hey, hey,
what's happening?
-I quit.
-No! Ralph.
No, no, no, no, no.
Ralph, no.
-No, no, no. Let him go.
-[Ralph] This little furry punk
is trying to tell me
how to cook cocaine?
-Get out of here, go.
-[Lucky] No one is telling you
We respect you here.
[Ralph] I'm just gonna
carry it out like this.
-This guy's taking our furniture
-That's right!
I'm taking my table
that my wife got for me
at Costco!
-Ralph.
-Yeah, good luck.
-[Ralph grunting]
-[metal table clanking]
Oh no! Don't help me!
[Lucky] Ralph, we are running
out of time. Please!
This is a serious business.
Who the hell's that guy?
Hm!
The one competent employee
I could depend on,
and you made him quit.
How is this my fault?
If you weren't so busy
crying in the bathtub,
you'd be here to keep
Raj in check!
Take it easy on him, Auntie.
-The man just had his heart shattered.
-Yeah.
This is why your father
didn't want you in the business.
You're both as soft
as my ex-boyfriend
when he's not getting choked!
-Okay.
-[Raj] Everybody relax.
I've spent a lifetime doing
more rails than SEPTA.
I will lead our family
through this moment.
Raj is right.
I mean, I hate to say it, but
I trust him with this,
and literally nothing else.
That makes one of us.
Ralph!
Mir, let's get to work.
This was supposed to be my time.
And then Baba meets Lucky,
and suddenly
I'm the third wheel.
I'm gonna say it, she scares me.
Oh, she's a holy terror.
She left you here as collateral.
That's emasculating.
Just as a hypothetical
if I were to make a move,
would you support me?
[inhales sharply]
Well, you're not in a position
to make any moves
with just 14 hours left.
Right. So you're
still gonna kill me?
[upbeat percussion
music playing]
No.
Nick's gonna do it.
Right.
I don't know why you
let Bushra go, man.
Like, I think monogamy
equals death,
which is why Prairie
and I are obviously open,
but you and Bushra, man,
you're just so boring.
It's like you're meant
to only have sex
with each other
for the rest of your lives.
I'm bagging cocaine
in my underwear on the floor.
Okay, I can't bring
her into this life.
[Raj] I get it.
So
I spoke to Ralph,
and he's willing to come back
under one condition.
A bonus of $5,000.
We don't need him, we got this.
Look at us.
You know they cut cocaine
in underwear
in the movies so that
no one steals it.
Why would you steal
your own cocaine, you idiots?
We will take that into account
moving forward.
There is no moving forward
if we don't get this done.
Where the fuck
am I gonna get five Gs from?
[suspenseful percussion
music playing]
Will this cover it?
Bro, you don't have to do that.
Go find a pawn shop.
[pawnbroker] Two carat stone,
18 carat white gold.
Oval with a halo.
This is just like
on my Pinterest.
You must have really
loved this girl.
I did.
I still do, but things change.
What did you do?
It's complicated.
You break her heart?
You cheat on this
beautiful girl?
Look at him, his hairline
is running away
because he knows what a coward
that he is attached to.
Look at this chin.
-What the fuck?
-It is dishonest.
-What the fuck?
-It slope down.
That's not good,
you need strong jaw.
Not weak like little baby man.
That's the chin of a cheater.
I didn't cheat, okay?
-She's better off without me.
-Galina knows.
Peepee that's scared,
go in like turtle.
He could not handle real woman.
Hey, my peepee's not scared.
-It's actually very brave.
-Easy.
Easy, man,
you got a good peepee.
Thanks. [clears throat]
I don't think you should
sell it, Mir.
You love Bushra.
It has to be done.
We need to get
Ralph back on board,
and Chickie off our backs.
Price is $5,000.
-That's a bargain.
-[Galina laughing]
Five-K?
Are we just saying things now?
I'm a princess. [laughs]
You think you're at Christie's,
peepee boy?
Look around you.
You are on pawn shop
south of Washington.
You want to know what
that smell is?
It's snakes.
If you want, I can hook you up.
People don't come here
unless they have to.
-Two-K.
-Yeah. Okay, Mir, come on, let's go.
This lady is crazy,
we're not selling this.
Okay, okay.
You drive a hard bargain.
Five-K, I get from safe.
We gotta do it.
It's time to move on.
Can I get you guys anything?
Bump?
[Lucky] My God.
Gorgeous spread, Jan.
-[Raj] Yeah, okay.
-That is not necessary.
Raj is just here to apologize.
You're okay with all
this drug stuff?
Honey, this snow pays
for my kids' braces
and this gorgeous home.
Plus, my Ralphie made it,
so I love it.
-[softly] Love you.
-[softly] I love you.
[normal]
Well, I am gonna go check
on the hash banana bread
I've been working on.
-[Ralph] Love you.
-[Janet] I love you more.
[Lucky] Cutest couple ever.
I love your love.
I used to love my love
with my fiancée,
but I had to sell her ring.
For a coke chef.
Perfect segue.
Ralph.
Here's your money,
along with our sincerest
apologies.
I only asked for that because
I figured you couldn't get it.
I'm not coming back to work
with this little douche.
Whoa.
[tense music playing]
[Lucky] Ralph,
please don't do this. Please.
You know that our lives
literally depend on this.
No, I'm out.
My craft is no longer
appreciated in this world.
[Janet] I appreciate you.
It is appreciated, right, Raj?
Uh, yeah, sure.
[whispering] Remember what
I said, meri jahn, grovel!
I [sighs]
Okay.
Listen. I flew off the handle,
okay?
But it's only because I care.
No disrespect, Ralph,
but the best cocaine
I ever had was in Miami.
Art Basel, 2014.
Me and my crew, we were
railing this shit
all night long.
Not hearing an apology.
We wrote a whole new
Spider-Man movie,
Spider-Woman.
An entire new Spider-Verse.
And it would've been
a massive hit,
but nobody wrote anything down.
That's what cocaine does,
it inspires.
So, if I have the opportunity
to make my own cocaine,
I'm gonna do it right.
[Lucky] Somewhat unconventional,
but a lovely and
heartfelt apology.
Thank you.
I was at that Art Basel.
So maybe you had this cocaine.
Okay, it was in a gold vial
with the letters MDR.
We called it "Murder."
[suspenseful music playing]
That was no murder.
MDR stands for Muqtedar,
my real name.
I made that cocaine.
What? That's insane,
I mean
I tho I thought
your name was Ralph?
Me too.
I changed it to Ralph because
none of the dumb white kids
growing up could say Muqtedar.
[Lucky] [laughing] No.
-[Ralph laughing]
-Wait. You're MDR?
-Fuck yeah.
-[Raj] Oh, my God!
[laughing]
I'm in the company of greatness.
Oh, I got chills.
You guys feel that?
Well, this is so cool.
Meant to be.
So, are we good, Ralph?
Can we please get back to work?
We only have nine hours left.
Only if we do it
the way we used to.
This little douche is right,
I need to find my art again.
I lost it somewhere,
in between finding the
love of my life,
having two kids and a mortgage,
and you buy a Honda Odyssey
that requires
a lot of money because
the interest rates are so high.
No, see that
But I wanna find
the inner da Vinci again.
I want to make magic.
That means more coke
per Achar container,
and we are so deep in the hole
that there's no way
we can afford that.
Uh, no, absolutely no.
Mm-mm. Cannot afford it.
No. No. No. No.
-Mir, what do you think?
-Huh? [sniffles]
Um, it sounds like
a classic premium rebrand.
Higher margins, lower volume.
We could end up making
more money faster.
Yeah, the sad simp is right.
Whatever it takes to get
the show on the road.
-Let's do it!
-[Raj] Alright.
Dark DarCo is leveling up.
[Ralph] Janet!
I'm going back to work.
Is that okay?
I love you, rich or poor,
drug chef or not.
[Ralph] Oh, my sweet
I've made a huge mistake.
[hip-hop music playing]
[rapping]
♪♪
♪♪
♪♪
♪♪
-We're back!
-Twenty minutes left, baby.
Could be a tad late and then,
whoops, no more Ahmad.
[hip-hop music continues]
-[music stops]
-[sighs]
I'll take one old Brown pain
in my ass, please.
[Ahmad] Don't try to be so cute.
Always a pleasure, Chickie.
[Chickie exhales sharply]
They're not doing
anything illegal.
They're just going through
a lot of shit.
And I would know,
I'm very perceptive.
I cannot believe that
my entire career
is riding on this
piece of intel,
and I have picked
the worst mole of the century.
Are you okay?
I need this case
to go well so badly.
My boss is such an idiot.
-Oh.
-And it is such a fucking boys club.
They never ask me out
to lunch or to drinks.
-Oh, my God.
-I know they go
-because they post about it.
-Oh, my God.
-It just, like, really hurts my feelings.
-Oh, my God, you poor baby.
-Let it out.
-[Mercer crying]
-I'm here for you.
-I'm
I'm fine.
This never happened,
just so you know.
Stop, stop looking at me.
-[Prairie] Okay.
-[sniffles]
[upbeat music playing]
-Hi.
-Hey.
What was so important
that I had to come here?
I need to show you something.
Come with me.
Whatever you need to tell me,
you can say here
and make it quick.
Please.
I need you to see this.
Okay.
[tense music playing]
What is this place, Mir?
This is where I live now.
Are you trying to say
you're a bachelor from the '70s?
No, this is Baba's old place.
I didn't want you to see
what my life is now.
I mean, I work in a deli,
I live above it, I'm poor.
I had to pawn off your
engagement ring.
You pawned my engagement ring?
[Mir stammers]
-[Bushra scoffs]
-No, no, no, no, no.
Hey, Bushra, please, please.
Please, Bushra, don't go.
-I love you.
-You're not acting like it, Mir.
I wanna give you the life
that you deserve, but I can't.
And you think I only
love rich Mir?
I mean, I like him better so
[lock rattling]
I didn't realize Bushra
was going to be here.
Lucky Auntie, read the room.
This isn't exactly
the best time.
I think it is.
-[Bushra gasps]
-[Mir] Is that
Will you take Mir back?
He is a good boy,
and he is doing his very best
under difficult circumstances,
and he really loves you.
I do.
Yes.
[Lucky laughing]
[Lucky] Mashallah.
[Bushra chuckles]
-This isn't my ring.
-It's a ring.
["Devils Rebels" by Ill Bill &
Vinnie Paz ft. Crypt The Warchild playing]
Ralph's doing a new formula
for the Dars.
80%. Our shit's barely at 50.
Oh, looks like those curry fucks
think they're back in business.
[Big Pho laughing]
Not for long.
Not for long.
My grandmother
and my uncle in the jungle ♪
With a bundle
and the junkie gets the hunger ♪
When the humble
seen the rumbles in the big park ♪
Cats'll run up on you for a parka,
my projects was Clive Barker ♪
It was markers, monsters,
and conquerors ♪
Corner liquor store
robberies ♪
Shoot-outs in front
of my school constantly ♪
Kicking over displays in
the Milky Way, the filthy way ♪
around you catch
a buck-fifty in your face ♪
5714 Farragut ♪
Don't ever come around here
on no motherfucking ♪
Beat you in the face
with the ratchet, kid ♪
Leave you resting in peace
on some forever after ♪
We them Heavy Metal Kings,
let the hammers click ♪
Ready to handle
we talented homie ♪
Hand me that banana clip ♪
♪♪
This is books of blood ♪
Nothing surrounding me
but crooks and thugs ♪
Drinking forties,
smoking wakata, cooking drugs ♪
My harder than liquor
that you would put in pubs ♪
I got Sierra ballistics
that you could put in plugs ♪
I put my hand on the Bible
lie to the judge ♪
I didn't even mean to be high
but I was ♪
♪♪
[song ends]
[fanfare playing]
[fanfare playing]