Dinosaucers (1987) s01e32 Episode Script
Monday Night Clawball
1
RYAN: We used to be
four ordinary teenagers.
Until one day,
we met some new
friends from out of town.
They were called Dinosaucers.
My friends and I became
the Secret Scouts,
allies to these Dinosaucers
from outer space
and joined in their battles against
Genghis Rex and the evil Tyrannos.
[ROARING]
The Dinosaucers are
leaving, bossasaur. [SNORTS]
Well, follow them!
Dinosaucers [ALL ROARING]
Dinosaucers [ROARING]
I'm sure there's a large deposit of
Reptolite somewhere around here.
BRONTO: That's what
you said an hour ago.
I don't think that contraption of
yours could find tar in a tar pit.
[ALL GASP]
[BEEPING]
ALLO: It's Reptolite, all right.
I won't say I told you so.
Good.
Let's just hope the
Tyrannos don't find it.
Reptolite is the most powerful
energy source known to Dinosaucers.
Too late. Look over there.
Quack! I told you.
I told you I was right and
you thought I was joking.
[LAUGHING]
Be glad you weren't.
How much Reptolite do you
think there is here? [SNORTS]
Mmm.
[BEEPING]
Enough to give us unlimited
energy for as long as we need it.
You mean, until we
take over the Earth?
Exactly.
Quack! I've done it. [LAUGHS]
Can I have Florida?
Can I? Can I, please?
You'll get just
what you deserve.
Quack. Oh, no! Not New Jersey.
It's too small. Quack.
We can't let the Tyrannos
have the Reptolite.
This could mean war.
Maybe not.
We need a good strategy.
Maybe Ryan can suggest
a peaceful way out of this.
ALLO: Come in, Ryan.
Ryan. Please, come in.
Huh?
- Ryan.
- Huh?
My Secret Scout's
ring is going crazy.
Mine, too.
[STAMMERING] Um,
we've gotta go now.
Ryan here, Allo. I
hope this is important.
ALLO: Ryan, we may be forced
into a war with the Tyrannos.
That is important.
We'll be right there.
Dinosaucers
What's this all about, Allo?
I see you're dressed for war.
I'm afraid I alarmed you.
Uh, these are football
uniforms. It's a game.
What kind of game could
require this much protection?
- Ankylo, look!
- [SNORTS]
What is it, sire?
[SCREAMING]
[GROANS]
The Earth pests are here.
ANKYLO: And planning a war
from the looks of it. [SNORTS]
Quack.
I'll show them.
I'll find out what the
Dinosaucers are up to
and maybe I'll get
Florida after all. Quack.
And the team with
the most points wins.
That's how you play football.
Sounds just like war to me.
ALLO: Yes, but without the
terrible things that happen in a war.
DIMETRO: You say you
do this every Monday night?
ALLO: This gives me an idea.
Quack. [GROANING]
Anybody here order up pizza?
[QUACKS]
No, but some pressed
duckbill would be nice.
[SCREAMING]
Put him down, please,
Bronto Thunder.
I need him to deliver a message.
ANKYLO: Here he comes.
Quack. Oh, here you are.
Why did they let you go?
Quack. They want us
to play a game of football
on Monday night to see who
gets control of the crater. Quack.
What's football?
[LAUGHING]
Why you better sit down.
[LAUGHING] You're
not gonna believe this.
I don't know how we'll be able to
hear each other with these ear muffs on.
I'm sorry, chief, but I
refuse to wear short pants.
What was that, Bronto Thunder?
I wish I had more of these.
I don't want my
spikes to get bent.
No, no, that doesn't
go on your spikes.
It goes on the end of your tail.
Just remember now,
Ryan said we're supposed to
wear new jerseys for the game.
Not that I'll be
able to see them.
Don't worry, I'll take
care of the new jerseys.
I found a picture in the book.
I wish these shoes
weren't so sharp.
If you just use your heads you'd
figure out this equipment in no time.
So how's it going, men?
Can we talk?
I can't wait to see their faces
when they start
bouncing off this armor.
How's it going, Ankylo?
It says, the key to
the game of football
is the forward pass. [SNORTING]
What's that?
That's where you throw
the ball to another player.
REX: That's easy enough.
[GROANS]
How was that?
Ah Fine, chiefasaur.
But the object is to
throw it a long way
and get the ball down
the field. [SNORTS]
Great! Brachio,
run over there and catch
the ball when I throw it to you.
[GROANS]
Brachio, you ran too far.
That's certainly one way to
look at it, bossasaur. [SNORTS]
But maybe I can come up with
something to make sure the ball gets there.
See what trouble your
incompetence causes, Ankylo!
Sorry, oh, great one.
I hope you know our entire future
depends on controlling that crater.
Now, how else can we cheat?
I've just made an explosive
for Styraco's shoes.
Styraco, bring
your foot over here.
All right, you guys, we
have to get you in shape.
Now everybody run in place.
[GROANING] Yeah, that's it.
DIMETRO: Well, this is silly.
We'll never get
anywhere this way.
[WHISTLE BLOWS]
All right. Let do
some jumping jacks.
Just do what I do.
One, two. One, two.
Come on, guys.
Excuse me.
- [BOTH SCREAM]
- Whoa!
Oh, my!
[GROANS]
[BLOWS WHISTLE]
All right, let's start
something a little simpler.
Everybody down on the ground.
[CRASHING]
Okay, we're gonna
do some pushups.
Lie on your stomach and
get up on your hands and toes.
[GROANING]
I can't do that.
And I wouldn't do it if I could.
Everybody.
Watch me and do what I do.
[ALL GROANING]
Whoa! Whoa!
Hold it, hold it.
Oh, well,
well, you guys are
already in shape.
Let's go over the game plan
and be sure you understand it.
[SIGHS]
All right, all right,
keep it coming.
Okay, right there.
[HUMMING]
Rah! Rah! Sis-boom-ba!
Well, what does
sis-boom-ba mean?
It doesn't mean anything.
They're just words.
Then why say them?
DAVID: I hope they stay up.
So do I. I wonder
what's keeping the team.
Bonehead was late finishing
the team's new jerseys.
They should be here soon.
Here they come.
What's that on your shirt?
New Jersey.
Oh!
This could be a very long night.
- [CLAMORING]
- Oh. Oh, no.
Maybe longer than you think.
Remember, we won't kick extra
points today and those are the rules.
Now shake hands.
Uh, I mean claws.
Never mind. May
the best team win.
He said we have four
downs to get 10 yards.
What are four downs?
I did research on this. [SNORTS]
There's Churchill
Downs, hand-me-downs,
ups and downs
and, uh, [SNORTING]
Oh, yeah, Hugh Downs.
Good work, Ankylo.
Is Styraco's shoe ready?
All set. I rigged the
explosive myself.
Let's go then.
HOWARD: Hello,
sports fans on Reptilon.
This is Howard
Cosell on high seas
bringing you Monday
Night Clawball.
I'm from Earth via satellite
and I present the first
annual Crater Bowl
between the Dinosaucers
and the Tyrannos.
It's game time and the
Tyrannos are about to kick off.
And here they go.
Ah!
Um
Well, now that you've got that shoe
broken in why don't you try it again.
[WHISTLE BLOWING]
I'll get it.
[GROANING]
HOWARD: Bonehead
looking at his shoe, runs in.
[BOTH SCREAMING]
[GRUNTING]
[GROANS]
All right, Ankylo,
give me the first play.
[WHISPERING]
All right, men, the first
play will be "the king and I."
What does that mean?
Ankylo?
Throw the ball to me.
Here, use this ball.
[GRUNTS]
[WHISTLE BLOWS]
[EXCLAIMS]
Oops.
[WHISTLE BLOWS]
HOWARD: And the Tyrannos
have scored, proving the old saying.
"He who scores the first
touchdown takes the early lead."
Yay! Yipes.
[GROANS]
When do we get to cheer?
When our team
does something good.
I think I'll have a seat.
HOWARD: And the Dinosaucers
have the ball on their own five yard line.
First down and ten yards to go.
[WHISTLE BLOWS]
[GROWLING]
[GRUNTS]
[GROANS]
[WHISTLE BLOWS]
Brachio beats Dimetro by a neck.
Second down and
still a long way to go.
[WHISTLE BLOWS]
But I don't want it.
[BOTH SCREAMING]
Help!
Whoa!
[WHISTLE BLOWS]
[BEEPS]
I'm sorry, Stego.
That's called a safety.
Safety? What's safe about it?
I'll never understand
the English language.
Now can we cheer?
He's in the end zone.
Wrong end zone.
Two points for them.
I'm gonna get a conifer
burger and some French fries.
HOWARD: And we're about to
come to the two minute warning
ending the first half of play with
the Tyrannos up by eight points.
- [WHISTLE BLOWS]
- All right,
there are only two
minutes left in the half.
The Tyrannos have the ball
on the 20 yard line. Let's go!
It's time for the old Statue of
Liberty play with a twist. [SNORTS]
[LAUGHS] Yeah, listen,
it's time for the old Statue
of Liberty play with a twist.
I don't understand.
- Ankylo.
- Just keep everyone away from me.
It's just keep everyone
away from me.
- [WHISTLE BLOWS]
- [SNORTS]
[CLAMORING]
Touchdown!
[CLAMORING]
I thought you said no gunplay.
That was the signal
that the first half is over.
Well, just be careful
with that thing.
Someone could get hurt.
Thank you for trying to shoot
Terrible Dactyl out of the air,
but I don't think we
should resort to their tactics.
I wasn't trying
to shoot anybody.
But I think you guys better
resort to some tactics of your own,
or the Tyrannos will
control this crater.
You guys are a pretty sad sight.
You should have
seen us out on the field.
That's what I'm talking about.
Come on, guys.
What happened to the
old Dinosaucer spirit?
You guys aren't quitters.
But they're not playing fair.
Of course not. They're Tyrannos.
You have special abilities and
advantages that you could use as well.
But you're not doing it.
Now wake up
before it's too late.
That's it.
Here's what we're gonna do.
Now listen to this.
You've gotta get around
Welcome back ladies and lizards,
the Dinosaucers are lined up to
receive the second half kickoff.
They're two touchdowns
and a safety behind.
And things look
mighty bleak for them.
[BLOWS WHISTLE]
[ALL CHEERING]
[BEEPS]
All right! Now you're cooking!
You mean it's time
for lunch already?
All right!
Huh?
Wake up, Teryx. They
scored a touchdown.
So what's new?
No! I mean we
scored a touchdown.
It's a miracle!
Sis-boom-ba, rah, rah, rah.
- We got a touchdown ha, ha, ha.
- [WHISTLE BLOWS]
T-O-D.
And it's another touchdown
for the Dinosaucers.
They catching up fast.
[SCREAMS]
BOTH: Yay!
This is fun.
I told you.
With less than a minute to go
and thanks to some fancy
footwork from the Dinosaucers,
there's only a two
point difference.
- [WHISTLE BLOWS]
- The Tyrannos
have the ball in
their own 40 yard line.
Hike!
Where are you going?
ALL: We're taking a hike.
Huh?
- BOTH: Huh?
- Oh, no!
Stego! No!
And Runway Stego
scores for the Tyrannos.
Now the Tyrannos lead by
one touchdown and one safety,
- [CHEERING] - with
less than a minute to play.
What is it?
Ah, maybe you'd better
sit down before I tell you.
HOWARD: And with only
30 seconds left in the game,
the Tyrannos kick
off to the Dinosaucers.
The Dinosaucers are
down, but they are not out.
[WHISTLE BLOWS]
Dinosaucers
Dinosaucers
ALL: Huh?
Dinosaucers
BOTH: Touchdown!
- All right, everybody.
- Yay!
[GUNSHOT]
- Way to go!
- BOTH: Yay!
Unbelievable, fans. The first
double touchdown in Clawball history.
The Dinosaucers win it!
That wasn't fair.
Just as fair as some of the
things you pulled out here today.
Well, if you're gonna
get technical about it.
REX: Let's go, men.
We'll have to figure out
another way to get this crater.
[ALL CHEERING]
Thanks for that pep talk, David.
You really woke us up.
Don't mention it, Allo.
Sometimes we just need to be reminded
to use the talents we were born with.
You mean, like that?
Sis-boom-ba, see you later,
you got the shaft
and we got the crater!
[LAUGHING]
What is this stuff?
Alligator ade.
[ALL LAUGHING]
Dinosaucers
[ALL LAUGHING]
Dinosaucers
Dinosaucers
RYAN: We used to be
four ordinary teenagers.
Until one day,
we met some new
friends from out of town.
They were called Dinosaucers.
My friends and I became
the Secret Scouts,
allies to these Dinosaucers
from outer space
and joined in their battles against
Genghis Rex and the evil Tyrannos.
[ROARING]
The Dinosaucers are
leaving, bossasaur. [SNORTS]
Well, follow them!
Dinosaucers [ALL ROARING]
Dinosaucers [ROARING]
I'm sure there's a large deposit of
Reptolite somewhere around here.
BRONTO: That's what
you said an hour ago.
I don't think that contraption of
yours could find tar in a tar pit.
[ALL GASP]
[BEEPING]
ALLO: It's Reptolite, all right.
I won't say I told you so.
Good.
Let's just hope the
Tyrannos don't find it.
Reptolite is the most powerful
energy source known to Dinosaucers.
Too late. Look over there.
Quack! I told you.
I told you I was right and
you thought I was joking.
[LAUGHING]
Be glad you weren't.
How much Reptolite do you
think there is here? [SNORTS]
Mmm.
[BEEPING]
Enough to give us unlimited
energy for as long as we need it.
You mean, until we
take over the Earth?
Exactly.
Quack! I've done it. [LAUGHS]
Can I have Florida?
Can I? Can I, please?
You'll get just
what you deserve.
Quack. Oh, no! Not New Jersey.
It's too small. Quack.
We can't let the Tyrannos
have the Reptolite.
This could mean war.
Maybe not.
We need a good strategy.
Maybe Ryan can suggest
a peaceful way out of this.
ALLO: Come in, Ryan.
Ryan. Please, come in.
Huh?
- Ryan.
- Huh?
My Secret Scout's
ring is going crazy.
Mine, too.
[STAMMERING] Um,
we've gotta go now.
Ryan here, Allo. I
hope this is important.
ALLO: Ryan, we may be forced
into a war with the Tyrannos.
That is important.
We'll be right there.
Dinosaucers
What's this all about, Allo?
I see you're dressed for war.
I'm afraid I alarmed you.
Uh, these are football
uniforms. It's a game.
What kind of game could
require this much protection?
- Ankylo, look!
- [SNORTS]
What is it, sire?
[SCREAMING]
[GROANS]
The Earth pests are here.
ANKYLO: And planning a war
from the looks of it. [SNORTS]
Quack.
I'll show them.
I'll find out what the
Dinosaucers are up to
and maybe I'll get
Florida after all. Quack.
And the team with
the most points wins.
That's how you play football.
Sounds just like war to me.
ALLO: Yes, but without the
terrible things that happen in a war.
DIMETRO: You say you
do this every Monday night?
ALLO: This gives me an idea.
Quack. [GROANING]
Anybody here order up pizza?
[QUACKS]
No, but some pressed
duckbill would be nice.
[SCREAMING]
Put him down, please,
Bronto Thunder.
I need him to deliver a message.
ANKYLO: Here he comes.
Quack. Oh, here you are.
Why did they let you go?
Quack. They want us
to play a game of football
on Monday night to see who
gets control of the crater. Quack.
What's football?
[LAUGHING]
Why you better sit down.
[LAUGHING] You're
not gonna believe this.
I don't know how we'll be able to
hear each other with these ear muffs on.
I'm sorry, chief, but I
refuse to wear short pants.
What was that, Bronto Thunder?
I wish I had more of these.
I don't want my
spikes to get bent.
No, no, that doesn't
go on your spikes.
It goes on the end of your tail.
Just remember now,
Ryan said we're supposed to
wear new jerseys for the game.
Not that I'll be
able to see them.
Don't worry, I'll take
care of the new jerseys.
I found a picture in the book.
I wish these shoes
weren't so sharp.
If you just use your heads you'd
figure out this equipment in no time.
So how's it going, men?
Can we talk?
I can't wait to see their faces
when they start
bouncing off this armor.
How's it going, Ankylo?
It says, the key to
the game of football
is the forward pass. [SNORTING]
What's that?
That's where you throw
the ball to another player.
REX: That's easy enough.
[GROANS]
How was that?
Ah Fine, chiefasaur.
But the object is to
throw it a long way
and get the ball down
the field. [SNORTS]
Great! Brachio,
run over there and catch
the ball when I throw it to you.
[GROANS]
Brachio, you ran too far.
That's certainly one way to
look at it, bossasaur. [SNORTS]
But maybe I can come up with
something to make sure the ball gets there.
See what trouble your
incompetence causes, Ankylo!
Sorry, oh, great one.
I hope you know our entire future
depends on controlling that crater.
Now, how else can we cheat?
I've just made an explosive
for Styraco's shoes.
Styraco, bring
your foot over here.
All right, you guys, we
have to get you in shape.
Now everybody run in place.
[GROANING] Yeah, that's it.
DIMETRO: Well, this is silly.
We'll never get
anywhere this way.
[WHISTLE BLOWS]
All right. Let do
some jumping jacks.
Just do what I do.
One, two. One, two.
Come on, guys.
Excuse me.
- [BOTH SCREAM]
- Whoa!
Oh, my!
[GROANS]
[BLOWS WHISTLE]
All right, let's start
something a little simpler.
Everybody down on the ground.
[CRASHING]
Okay, we're gonna
do some pushups.
Lie on your stomach and
get up on your hands and toes.
[GROANING]
I can't do that.
And I wouldn't do it if I could.
Everybody.
Watch me and do what I do.
[ALL GROANING]
Whoa! Whoa!
Hold it, hold it.
Oh, well,
well, you guys are
already in shape.
Let's go over the game plan
and be sure you understand it.
[SIGHS]
All right, all right,
keep it coming.
Okay, right there.
[HUMMING]
Rah! Rah! Sis-boom-ba!
Well, what does
sis-boom-ba mean?
It doesn't mean anything.
They're just words.
Then why say them?
DAVID: I hope they stay up.
So do I. I wonder
what's keeping the team.
Bonehead was late finishing
the team's new jerseys.
They should be here soon.
Here they come.
What's that on your shirt?
New Jersey.
Oh!
This could be a very long night.
- [CLAMORING]
- Oh. Oh, no.
Maybe longer than you think.
Remember, we won't kick extra
points today and those are the rules.
Now shake hands.
Uh, I mean claws.
Never mind. May
the best team win.
He said we have four
downs to get 10 yards.
What are four downs?
I did research on this. [SNORTS]
There's Churchill
Downs, hand-me-downs,
ups and downs
and, uh, [SNORTING]
Oh, yeah, Hugh Downs.
Good work, Ankylo.
Is Styraco's shoe ready?
All set. I rigged the
explosive myself.
Let's go then.
HOWARD: Hello,
sports fans on Reptilon.
This is Howard
Cosell on high seas
bringing you Monday
Night Clawball.
I'm from Earth via satellite
and I present the first
annual Crater Bowl
between the Dinosaucers
and the Tyrannos.
It's game time and the
Tyrannos are about to kick off.
And here they go.
Ah!
Um
Well, now that you've got that shoe
broken in why don't you try it again.
[WHISTLE BLOWING]
I'll get it.
[GROANING]
HOWARD: Bonehead
looking at his shoe, runs in.
[BOTH SCREAMING]
[GRUNTING]
[GROANS]
All right, Ankylo,
give me the first play.
[WHISPERING]
All right, men, the first
play will be "the king and I."
What does that mean?
Ankylo?
Throw the ball to me.
Here, use this ball.
[GRUNTS]
[WHISTLE BLOWS]
[EXCLAIMS]
Oops.
[WHISTLE BLOWS]
HOWARD: And the Tyrannos
have scored, proving the old saying.
"He who scores the first
touchdown takes the early lead."
Yay! Yipes.
[GROANS]
When do we get to cheer?
When our team
does something good.
I think I'll have a seat.
HOWARD: And the Dinosaucers
have the ball on their own five yard line.
First down and ten yards to go.
[WHISTLE BLOWS]
[GROWLING]
[GRUNTS]
[GROANS]
[WHISTLE BLOWS]
Brachio beats Dimetro by a neck.
Second down and
still a long way to go.
[WHISTLE BLOWS]
But I don't want it.
[BOTH SCREAMING]
Help!
Whoa!
[WHISTLE BLOWS]
[BEEPS]
I'm sorry, Stego.
That's called a safety.
Safety? What's safe about it?
I'll never understand
the English language.
Now can we cheer?
He's in the end zone.
Wrong end zone.
Two points for them.
I'm gonna get a conifer
burger and some French fries.
HOWARD: And we're about to
come to the two minute warning
ending the first half of play with
the Tyrannos up by eight points.
- [WHISTLE BLOWS]
- All right,
there are only two
minutes left in the half.
The Tyrannos have the ball
on the 20 yard line. Let's go!
It's time for the old Statue of
Liberty play with a twist. [SNORTS]
[LAUGHS] Yeah, listen,
it's time for the old Statue
of Liberty play with a twist.
I don't understand.
- Ankylo.
- Just keep everyone away from me.
It's just keep everyone
away from me.
- [WHISTLE BLOWS]
- [SNORTS]
[CLAMORING]
Touchdown!
[CLAMORING]
I thought you said no gunplay.
That was the signal
that the first half is over.
Well, just be careful
with that thing.
Someone could get hurt.
Thank you for trying to shoot
Terrible Dactyl out of the air,
but I don't think we
should resort to their tactics.
I wasn't trying
to shoot anybody.
But I think you guys better
resort to some tactics of your own,
or the Tyrannos will
control this crater.
You guys are a pretty sad sight.
You should have
seen us out on the field.
That's what I'm talking about.
Come on, guys.
What happened to the
old Dinosaucer spirit?
You guys aren't quitters.
But they're not playing fair.
Of course not. They're Tyrannos.
You have special abilities and
advantages that you could use as well.
But you're not doing it.
Now wake up
before it's too late.
That's it.
Here's what we're gonna do.
Now listen to this.
You've gotta get around
Welcome back ladies and lizards,
the Dinosaucers are lined up to
receive the second half kickoff.
They're two touchdowns
and a safety behind.
And things look
mighty bleak for them.
[BLOWS WHISTLE]
[ALL CHEERING]
[BEEPS]
All right! Now you're cooking!
You mean it's time
for lunch already?
All right!
Huh?
Wake up, Teryx. They
scored a touchdown.
So what's new?
No! I mean we
scored a touchdown.
It's a miracle!
Sis-boom-ba, rah, rah, rah.
- We got a touchdown ha, ha, ha.
- [WHISTLE BLOWS]
T-O-D.
And it's another touchdown
for the Dinosaucers.
They catching up fast.
[SCREAMS]
BOTH: Yay!
This is fun.
I told you.
With less than a minute to go
and thanks to some fancy
footwork from the Dinosaucers,
there's only a two
point difference.
- [WHISTLE BLOWS]
- The Tyrannos
have the ball in
their own 40 yard line.
Hike!
Where are you going?
ALL: We're taking a hike.
Huh?
- BOTH: Huh?
- Oh, no!
Stego! No!
And Runway Stego
scores for the Tyrannos.
Now the Tyrannos lead by
one touchdown and one safety,
- [CHEERING] - with
less than a minute to play.
What is it?
Ah, maybe you'd better
sit down before I tell you.
HOWARD: And with only
30 seconds left in the game,
the Tyrannos kick
off to the Dinosaucers.
The Dinosaucers are
down, but they are not out.
[WHISTLE BLOWS]
Dinosaucers
Dinosaucers
ALL: Huh?
Dinosaucers
BOTH: Touchdown!
- All right, everybody.
- Yay!
[GUNSHOT]
- Way to go!
- BOTH: Yay!
Unbelievable, fans. The first
double touchdown in Clawball history.
The Dinosaucers win it!
That wasn't fair.
Just as fair as some of the
things you pulled out here today.
Well, if you're gonna
get technical about it.
REX: Let's go, men.
We'll have to figure out
another way to get this crater.
[ALL CHEERING]
Thanks for that pep talk, David.
You really woke us up.
Don't mention it, Allo.
Sometimes we just need to be reminded
to use the talents we were born with.
You mean, like that?
Sis-boom-ba, see you later,
you got the shaft
and we got the crater!
[LAUGHING]
What is this stuff?
Alligator ade.
[ALL LAUGHING]
Dinosaucers
[ALL LAUGHING]
Dinosaucers
Dinosaucers