Dinosaucers (1987) s01e56 Episode Script

The Museum of Natural Humans

1
RYAN: We used to be four
ordinary teenagers until one day,
we met some new
friends from out of town.
They were called Dinosaucers.
My friends and I became
the Secret Scouts,
allies to these Dinosaucers
from outer space.
And joined in their battles
against Genghis Rex
and the evil Tyrannos.
The Dinosaucers are
leaving, Bossasaur.
Well, follow them!
[♪♪♪]
Dinosaucers ♪
[ALL GROWLING]
Dinosaucers ♪
[♪♪♪]
You lose again, Genghis Rex.
Thanks to the Secret Scouts.
Secret Scouts, indeed.
You'll get yours, Dinonerds.
[ALL GASP]
[ALL COUGHING]
[ANKYLO GRUNTS]
REX: How could you let those
Secret Scouts get your weapons?
You two are imbecilosauruses!
[BOTH GROAN]
There must be another way
to defeat the Dinosaucers.
If it weren't for those ignorant
kids, we could've had them!
They're the most irritating
pests on this planet, unh.
Only next to you, Ankylo.
Oh, thank you, King
of Scales and Tails.
[♪♪♪]
Oh, what a great film.
I'll watch anything
with Dustin Beatty in it.
I'd like to be a movie star
with lots of money,
a chauffeured limo
and adoring fans who'd
follow me everywhere I'd go.
Heh, gee, David.
Maybe I'd better avoid the
rush and get your autograph now.
My autograph is expensive.
[BOTH LAUGHING]
[♪♪♪]
What are you watching, Ankylo?
Look!
Hi, there!
Why, it's my
double-crossing cousin, Attila.
What's he doing on TV?
Hey, there, fans.
We're coming to you live
from Reptilon with a
special on the newest craze
that's sweeping the
planet, Human-mania.
Humans?
That's right. Humans.
Ever since the first reports
came back from Earth,
Tyranno-tykes have
become fascinated
with the race of mammals
which infests the planet.
Huh! That's disgusting.
ATTILA: They even
study them in school.
Human trading cards
are flooding the market.
The public just can't seem
to get enough of them.
Dear, favorite
cousin, Attila, heh.
You've just given
me a wonderful idea.
Attention, Terrible Dactyl,
Styraco and Brachio,
Report to me at once.
A plan! A plan!
Genghis Rex has a plan.
REX: Quiet!
ANKYLO: Argh. You
pre-hysterical nerdosaur!
I want the Secret
Scouts captured
and shipped off to
Reptilon immediately.
Why Reptilon, unh?
Where could we put them so
they couldn't make any trouble?
In cages.
They'll be on display
for all Tyrannos to see.
Like a zoo? Heh, no.
It will be Reptilon's first
Museum of Natural Humans.
It's what the public wants
and it will be my sweet revenge.
TERRIBLE: Bonehead
calling Secret Scouts.
Report to Lava Dome immediately.
DAVID [OVER RADIO]:
This is David. I'm almost there.
Are you all right, Bonehead?
You sound a bit hoarse.
Uh, I'm okay.
Uh, I just sound,
uh, hoarse, ahem,
hoarse from a touch
of Dino-sorethroat
and, uh, prickly heat.
DAVID: Hoarse from prickly heat?
Yup, that sounds like
Bonehead, all right.
There. Now all I have
to do is pick him up.
DAVID: Hey, Lava Dome. Open up!
Knock, Knock! ALLO:
Identify yourself.
Who's there? DAVID: Yoda Layhee.
ALLO: Yoda Layhee, who?
Ha-ha. Hey! I didn't know
Dinosaucers could yodel.
ALLO: Oh, you must be David.
Only you can tell
such bad jokes.
Come on down. I'll
open the entranceway.
[TERRIBLE GRUNTING]
DAVID: You!
[DAVID GROANING]
ALLO: Hmm. How strange.
[TIRES SCREECH]
David's skateboard,
but no David.
Oh, that human is
such a practical joker.
Why can't they be like we
are? Perfect in every way.
What's the matter
with humans today?
PAUL: That child looks lost.
[TIRES SCREECH]
Hi. Are you lost?
STYRACO: Aah! Styraco.
Help! Somebody, Help me!
[TIRES SCREECH]
[♪♪♪]
[SARAH SCREAMS]
[MACHINE BEEPS]
Three of them are in.
Sarah was returning from
a place called Lizardbreath,
New Jersey, when
we captured her.
I believe that's
Elizabeth, New Jersey.
Have you contacted Ryan yet?
Yes, Your Royal Misery.
I told him to expect an
important Tyranno bulletin.
Ryan, I have your
fellow Secret Scouts.
But it's you I really
want to talk to.
RYAN [OVER RADIO]: So
talk, you cretaceous cretin.
Face-to-face, my dear boy.
Come to Tarpits II, alone.
After we talk I'll
free all of you.
RYAN: Sure you will.
REX: You have my word on it.
RYAN: Okay. You
win. I'm coming in.
But you'd better
be telling the truth.
Look at this face, would I lie?
RYAN: Absolutely.
But I have no proof.
[♪♪♪]
[♪♪♪]
Whoa!
[REX CACKLING]
[♪♪♪]
REX: Then we've got
a deal, Albertosaurus?
You'll take all four
of the humans?
Yes. We agree to establish
a Museum of Natural Humans
to publicly display
these specimens.
Provided, of course, that you
bear the cost of their upkeep.
And how much is
that going to run me?
Well, a year's supply of
Fareena Mammal Chow
runs about a
thousand Dinodollars.
Fine. You can put it
on my Dino's Club Card.
I never leave home without it.
[♪♪♪]
[SNORTS]
[REX GRUNTS]
How'd it go, Toothy Tyrant?
It's done.
The Secret Scouts are
out of the way at last.
They'll be caged for
the rest of their lives
on Reptilon in this museum.
Wonderful. Uh,
what do we do now?
We can take our time
getting back to Earth.
When we get there, we'll
take care of those Dinosaucers
once and for all!
[♪♪♪]
DIMETRO: We've just received
some bad news from Reptilon, Allo.
ALLO: What's the
problem, Dimetro?
Icky's parents, Eb
and Flo, just called.
The Secret Scouts
are on Reptilon.
Reptilon? How
did they get there?
They Tyrannos captured the
kids and sold them to a museum.
They're now part of
the permanent exhibit
at the new Museum
of Natural Humans.
They made them
into museum exhibits?
Not only that. The museum's
in the heart of Tyranno country.
I'm not getting any signals
from their Secret Scouts rings.
How are we going to
get them out of there?
Not we, me.
A squadron of Dinosaucers
would never make it through.
But one well disguised
Dinosaucer might just make it.
You know, it's a
one in a million shot.
I know that, Dimetro,
but I have to take it.
It will probably be
the kid's only chance
of ever getting back to Earth.
[♪♪♪]
[♪♪♪]
ARIELASAUR: What
does it say, Malloriatops?
"Humans in their
natural habitat.
Caution, do not throw raw meat."
Wow! Real humans from Earth.
How'd you like to have
one of them as a pet?
Yeah. But I'm not sure my
mommasaur would let me.
Are they very messy?
I don't think so.
My mommasaur just
got me some t-shirts
with all their names
and pictures on them.
Like New Yorkers,
Texans, Hoosiers.
Do you, maybe, have some
human bubblegum cards
you wanna trade?
Sorry, Arielasaur, I
already gave you all of mine.
Now I just collect the
human action figures
and the comic books.
I asked my mommasaur
to get me some of those
great human pajamas
with the funny hands and feet.
Human pajamas? Funny
hands and feet? How humiliating.
ALLO [OVER RADIO]:
So far so good, Dimetro.
The disguise you rigged
for my ship is working so well
that not even one Tyranno
patrol has stopped me.
DIMETRO [OVER RADIO]: And
with that costume you're wearing,
they'll think you're
Rex's first cousin, Attila.
It sure is a pleasure
meeting you, Attila Rex.
Any cousin of Genghis Rex is
always welcome at this museum.
Great. Now here's my deal,
I'm a producer for Tar Pits TV
and I want to use
your four humans
to star in my new
feature-length film.
Gee, Attila Uh,
can I call you Attila?
I sure would like to
help you, but I just can't.
Genghis Rex ordered us to
keep them under lock and key.
Whoa! Albertosaur, baby.
Sweetie! Hey!
I'm talking about a
giant, boffo, smash hit.
Big bucks!
Well
Picture it, babe. First a
blockbuster of a movie.
Next a spinoff as a daily
kids' show in Tyranno Vision.
You'll stand to make a million.
Maybe even 2 million.
Are we talking gross or net?
Gross, baby.
We'll get Dino-Cola
to sponsor it
and I'll do all my shooting
after the museum closes.
Deal!
SARAH: I still can't figure
out how they designed
this living room habitat
to look exactly like that
old TV show, I like Ricky.
If only they hadn't taken
away our Secret Scouts rings.
Ooh, I'm so bored
here, I just can't stand it.
Me too.
I'm just afraid we're gonna
be stuck in this cage forever.
It can't get any worse.
Attila Rex.
Hey, Albertosaur, baby! Ha-ha.
Are you ready to make
the deal of the century?
Uh, sure, but
All right, now I've
got the studio backing
and a cherry of a script.
The crew is standing by.
All I need now are
those four pesky humans
you're, uh, babysitting, heh.
We could make it big, you know?
I thought we settled all that.
And?
Well, they aren't
ready for you yet.
Why don't we go over
there and get them right now?
Don't forget. Not a word
of this to Genghis Rex.
Heh, my jaws are sealed.
[♪♪♪]
All right, humans.
You're to go with
Attila Rex here.
Attila Rex?
That's right.
He's Genghis Rex's first cousin.
[CHUCKLES]
That's right, human.
Do you have a problem with that?
No, sir.
That's better.
Now you four are about to
become stars of Tar Pits TV.
Obey me and you'll have it easy.
Otherwise, you'll be stuck
in this museum forever!
ALL [IN UNISON]: Yes, sir!
Then what are you
waiting for? Get moving!
[♪♪♪]
Uh-oh, too late.
Well, time to put
plan B into effect.
And action!
[CAMERA WHIRRING]
[GROANS]
[ALL LAUGHING]
Roll them!
[ALL SCREAMING]
ATTILA: Okay, action.
Humans. Humans. Rah, rah, rah!
We got a basket. Ha, ha, ha!
ATTILA: Cut!
Look at the size of this
advance from the toy company.
Ha-ha, and this
is just the start.
Heh, you kids are the best
thing since sliced leaves.
[LAUGHING]
[DOORBELL RINGS]
ATTILA: Who is it?
Are you Attila Rex?
So what if I am?
Well, open up. This
is your lucky day.
I'm Malianidon, the producer.
You mean the famous
producer Malianidon?
Wow! Uh, I've seen
all of your movies.
So, uh, what can I do
for you, Malianidon, baby?
Nothing. I came here because
can do something for you.
I'd like to rent your humans.
Oh, great! Oh, but I can't.
My cousin wouldn't like it.
I tell you what,
I'll give you this if
you let me use them
for one shot in the
latest film I'm making.
Uh, I don't know. My
cousin, Genghis Rex, uh
I'm sure that a smart
character like you
can handle your cousin, well?
Deal.
So that's the deal, Genghis.
And you're sure he only
wants to use them in one scene?
You know, it's costing
me a pretty bundle
to keep them in
Farina Mammal Chow.
What's in it for me?
Well, uh, I'm sure I
can use my influence
with the great Malianidon.
Attila. I don't wanna
know about influence.
I want to know
what I'm going to get.
How about a starring role
and your own dressing room?
Will I get a star on the door?
Of course. Only the
best, Genghis baby.
Only the best.
Can I be on screen too, huh?
Can I? Huh? Huh? Huh? Can I?
I do a great Cagneyopteryx.
[CLEARS THROAT]
[IMITATING CAGNEYOPTERYX]
You dirty dino, ugh,
I'm gonna get you.
Where did you get this guy?
[GRUNTS]
Why, sure you can be on
the show, Anky baby, heh.
Any friend of old
Genghis is a friend of mine.
Oh, please, oh,
singularly spectacular,
scaliness of
superior sneakiness.
Ouch! Enough!
I'll do it on one condition.
Oh, anything you want, coz.
He's got to get it in the end.
Heh, you betcha.
Thank goodness you're here.
Now we won't be stuck
in this place forever.
Great. I can't wait to get home.
Me too. What's the plan, Allo?
In the scene I've
arranged for you to be in,
you're supposed to
be chased into a saucer
and take off into space.
Sounds great, Allo. But
it'll only be a prop saucer.
No, I've arranged for
my own ship to be used.
I'll be inside and when you
get in we'll blast off for Earth.
Yeah, hmm.
Don't you think we're
rushing things a bit?
I hear Reptilon's
beautiful in the summer.
Yeah, heh. And it's also
125 degrees in the shade.
What's the problem, David?
Oh, David just
likes being a star.
I mean look at all the
attention we're getting.
Well, what's so wrong about
having fans that idolize me?
But, David, they don't
really care about you.
We do and so does
your family back on Earth.
Gee, I bet my folks
are really worried.
I guess I sort of let all of
the fuss go to my head.
Let's get out of here.
All right. Now let's go
over the plans again.
We can't afford any slip ups.
ANKYLO: Listen, Bossasaurus.
You've got to help me, unh.
I don't understand
my motivation.
What? I mean
I mean, what is
my character feeling
when he says his lines?
How is he relating to?
Be quiet, Ankylo, before I
relate my claw to your head.
ATTILA: Okay! Places everyone!
Quiet on the set.
Take your positions.
I don't remember a
shuttle in the script.
ATTILA: And action!
[CAMERA WHIRRING]
Come on, Bossasaur.
The camera's rolling.
ATTILA: I said action!
RYAN: Let's go, gang.
[♪♪♪]
BOTH [IN UNISON]: Wait, wait!
Cut! Okay. That was good.
What are those
crazy mammals doing?
Will someone see about
getting them out of there?
[BOTH SCREAMING]
[♪♪♪]
That's Dinosaucer
Shuttle! We've been had!
[ALL CHEERING AND APPLAUDING]
You dirty double-crosser.
Ha-ha, hey, Genghis baby, heh.
That's show biz, yeah.
[ATTILA LAUGHING]
[♪♪♪]
Dinosaucer ♪
Dinosaucer ♪
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