Doogie Howser, M.D. (1989) s01e03 Episode Script

A Stitch Called Wanda

Hi Mister Plenn.
Hi Doogie, come on in! Something to drink? No thank you.
Hey Patty! Come on, that boat leaves in 35 minutes! Wanda honey your personnal physician's here.
Something to drink? No thank you.
You look very nice, sir.
Hey big dinner cruise to Catalina, eat, drink, b-boying, that sort of thing.
What's new with you? Not much, I amputated my first toe this morning.
That's nice.
This thing's straight? Hi Doogie.
Hi Wanda You look great! Thanks.
Midnight honey, no later.
You're on the honor code, young man.
And the boat doesn't dock in until after two, so i have to trust you.
All right Daddy.
Don't "all right Daddy" me! I've been very liberal about this.
I used to tell her "no dating doctors" til she was a senior.
Good night Daddy.
Sorry about that That's okay, look we kind of have to hurry cause the movie starts at 6 and we have to pick up Vinnie and Janine.
What's the matter? The matter? Nothing's the matter, why? I don't know, you seem kind of nervous or something Wanda, I wasn't going to say this til later cause i really supposed to build up to questions like this but if I wait I'm going to have to go to the bathroom all night and who knows i can even get beat in which case I Why don't you just ask me the question? Okay, okay, the question That'd be good.
See, I know a lot of guys ask you out and you probably do go out with some of them and there's nothing wrong with that, but well, now that we've been out a couple of times I was just wondering if you could, you know stop doing that, going out with other guys and maybe, maybe just go out with me? You mean, be your girlfriend? Uh-uh.
I'd love to be your girlfriend, Doogie.
That's great! That's great.
So what do we do now? Doogie! Doogie Howser, M.
D.
- 1x03 - A Stitch Called Wanda Enjoy :) I must say I had too much popcorn, my stomach aches Well, that'd be hyperglycemia.
What? Too many of those chocolate covered raisins.
Say aaaaah! Aaaah! Hey you've got some well-hanged tonsils, lady! Hey Vinnie, stay out of my medical bag, those aren't toys! Just examining my date, Wanna make sure all her oral cavities are in working order! Vinnie! Hey, hey, Janine! Here we are, alone Yeah, just you and me, boyfriend and girlfriend.
This is really the best night of my life.
You're a really good kisser, Doogie.
I am? Yeah, you're really gentle.
You know you're really the first girl I ever kissed, like that.
I like it that you're shy.
I hate when guys get grabby and stuff.
What, did I bite you? No, my stomach really hurts bad Where? Here.
It's probably just a cramp or something Right here? Ew! That's rebound tenderness.
Lie back and take deep breaths.
That's probably just something I ate I know that's what it is No, that's situated to your appendix.
Vinnie, we got to go! Janine, where is Vinnie? He is throwing up.
Anxiety puke, he does it when he gets around girls.
Yuk! Vinnie, Wanda's sick! Sorry, i had a little accident.
Get in the car, we got to get Wanda to the hospital, now! Get a wheelchair, sixteen year old, probably appendicitis, let's admit her, get some blood work.
She's a minor, we need parental Her parents aren't reachable, they're in the middle of the ocean.
You're in 1-B and get someone to do examine her.
Everybody's tied up doctor, there's been a bad bus accident.
Let's try and get her a bed on 6-Es and call an epistemiologist, then set up an IV with dextrose and saline.
Climb up here Wanda.
You can't admit her all by yourself doctor, you need the intending This is an emergency, I can admit her and that's exactly what I'm doing.
Is anyone free? No, Fowler's in surgery and everyone else has red blankets.
How are you doing? Not so good Okay, this may be a little tight, so just relax.
Let's try to get Fowler on the horn for me.
Okay, hum.
It's just gonna be a little needle perk here, okay? I need to talk to doctor Fowler.
Okay, let's get this to the lab for a CBC, let's get a specimen bottle, we're gonna need the urine analysis.
I'm cold I've got doctor Fowler.
Good, let's get her a blanket.
Hi.
Yes I'm sure it's acute appendicitis, blood pressure is 90 over 60, she's got chills, like as she's becoming sceptic, I think we're gonna have to operate right away.
No, I didn't.
No, I didn't.
I can't do that, she's my girlfriend! Okay.
Hum, it looks like I'm gonna have to be the doctor here, which means, I'm gonna have to ask you a few questions.
What? Are you pregnant? No! Good, very good.
Okay.
Are you sexually active? Doogie! I'm sorry Wanda, I have to ask.
Are you sexually active? No! Okay, that's good.
Well now that we know that I have to do a pelvic.
No, please! Wanda, I'm sorry but there's no time for an ultrasound, and this is the only other way we can tell if you've got appendicitis, in which case, you're gonna have to have immediate surgery, or wether it's a rupture of ovarian cyst, in which case you won't.
I don't want you to operate on me! Fowler would be doing the actual operation, I'll just be assisting.
I don't even want you to be there! I have to be there, I'm the only other surgeon, and we can't exactly go searching for another doctor at midnight on a saturday.
Besides, I'm the best.
Look, I know this won't be pleasant for you, but it would be much easier if you tried to relax? Please, Doogie Hey.
Trust me.
You know I won't let anything happen to you.
Here succion.
Kelly clamp.
There's some inhegence here.
Looks like she's scarred apical.
Metzenbaum.
Red cap? Okay I'm bringing it up now.
Everything's going great, Wanda.
Dr Fowler? You have a red blanket, stab wound to the heart.
Have you done this before? Yes, but Then you're finishing.
Get your hands on that retract humerus.
Dr Howser take over.
Kelly.
Scalpel.
I knew we'd never should have gone without getting a phone number to give her.
Are you sure he knows what he's doing? Mrs Plenn I know how you feel.
Have you got daughters? No Then believe me, you don't have a clue how we're feeling.
Douglas is a first rate doctor, Mrs Plenn.
And Wanda is in very good hands.
Shouldn't he be done by now? Once the appendix perforates it takes a lot of time to irrigate to affected area.
What the hell happened? She's fine, the appendix perforated, we removed it, everything went great, she's going to be perfect.
Oh thank God.
How the hell did this happen? And why you operated? Michael! He's a kid for God's sakes! They were supposed to be going to the movies! Mr Plenn, appendicitis is not that uncommon for teenagers, it can happen very suddenly Did another doctor look at her? Did somebody else diagnose this? Did you operate all by yourself? No, the diagnosis was confirmed, Dr Fowler also performed the procedure, Wanda is in recovery, she's awake and you can see her if you want.
Thank you Doogie! Come on, honey! You're okay? Tired.
Come on, let's go home.
Abdomen clean? Yup.
Why did you use the general? Time, plus she did a lot of stuff at the movies.
Hm.
What did you see? Batman Again? It's good dad, you ought to take mom! Dr Howser.
Once again you have managed to cause an uproar.
How? You admitted a minor patient without her parents's consent.
There was no time! And then insult to injury, you didn't get the appropriate authorization to perform emergency surgery.
Fowler signed it, and I signed it.
Don't kid a kidder young man.
You both did the surgery, you needed two other signatures.
It was an emergency, there was no one else there! If anything had gone wrong? It didn't.
If it had? Things do! We could have been sued for millions! So you're saying that in an emergency, I should sit on my hands, maybe risk a patient's life, just to avoid the possibility of a law suit? This wasn't just any patient, this was your girlfriend.
Her parents were unreachable, there were no other surgeons available, under the same circumstances I'd do it again! Dr Canfield, what's the deal around here? Are we a bunch of nervous bureaucrates or are we doctors? Like it or not, Douglas, and none of us do, practicing medecine in 1989 requires us to be both.
Do you have any idea what this hospital pays out on legal fees and malpractice claims? No sir.
Over a million dollars annually.
Unfortunately, it's not only my job to teach you about the practice of medecine, but about the consequences of practicing medecine.
Do we understand each other? Yes sir.
Go on.
Beat it.
Go give someone else a hard time.
Hi.
How's the patient? Okay Any pain? Not much.
Good.
I need to check your dressing.
Don't.
I have to Send somebody else to do it.
Wanda, what's the matter? I hated that you've examined me the way you did, that you saw me that way Hey, I wasn't crazy about it either.
But I had no choice I've seen a million patients You never saw me! What was I supposed to do? Drop you off at the hospital and go home? Just go away.
I don't want to see you anymore.
Wanda, I You look like your best friend died.
Worse.
First Canfield reads me the right act for admitting Wanda into emergency and Wanda tells me she never wants to see me again.
Why? She says it's too embarassing.
Doogie had to diagnose her appendicitis.
You mean she's never been checked out by a doctor of the opposite sex? Guess not on a second date, no.
Excuse me, Mr Sensitive - Dr Sensitive.
When was the last time you were given a personnal intimate examination by a doctor of the opposite sex? Are you kidding? Give her a little time, sport, she'll get over it.
Got to fly, see you guys.
Boy Women.
I don't understand them at all.
Hi.
How are you feeling? Okay I guess I see Dr Howser did your surgery.
Hm-hm.
Not too many girls can brag that they've had their appendix removed by a sixteen year old doctor Supposed to be lying if anything would have ever happened to me.
Why? He saved your life! He was also my boyfriend.
Ah.
Everytime I think about what he did It was just so intimate.
You know I've assisted in lots of surgeries, and when the doctor's operating, he has to detach himself from his feelings, that's especially hard to do when the doctor cares as much about the patient as I know Doogie does about you.
I know it's none of my business Wanda, but I think you're confusing embarassment with anger.
I also think you're pretty lucky to have Doogie for a boyfriend.
Howser! You stud! Did you bring it home? Bring what home? Her appendix, B-brain! You know that Shakespeare thing, "Alas poor Yorrick! I knew him well.
" You could like, talk to her appendix in a jar, same thing.
I don't know what you're talking about.
Come on! Tell Uncle Vinnie all about it.
There's nothing to tell! Oh excuse me! Seeing Wanda Plenn totally naked, having your hands all over her, eyeball in her internals! That's nothing? I didn't see her totally naked, I didn't have my hands all over her.
I removed her appendix, that's all.
How did you find out anyway? Wanda's parents told Richie Fogold's parents and Fogold told me.
Howser, you're the luckiest guy in the world! This is a sex pervert's dream come true! Yeah right.
"Excuse me Wanda, I just yanked your appendix, should we close up or do you just wanna neck?" Trust me Vinnie, you're opening an unconscious person, you're exposing diseased internal organs, there's nothing sexy about it Would you get out of here, I've got to eat dinner and go back to the hospital.
Could you just tell me one thing? Did you have to shave her? I mean it, get out of here! Okay, okay It's like I've been punished for something that isn't my fault.
It's not fair.
This isn't about fair, it's about feelings.
What about my feelings? Doogie For any woman, let alone the sixteen year old, having a pelvic examination can be a humiliating experience.
It robs you of your dignity, of control over your own body, intellectually you know it's something you have to do, but emotionally, it takes a long time to get passed the feeling that well that you've been violated.
But she said she never wants to see me again.
Oh I doubt she meant that.
Well she said it.
Well, people says lots of things when they're upset.
So what do I do in the mean time? Back off.
Give it some time.
Let her come to you.
Hi.
How are you feeling? Better.
Is that a patient speaking or a girl speaking? What's the difference? Well if it's a patient speaking I suppose I hum bill you 40 bucks.
Doogie Wanda.
You go first.
About the stuff I said about not ever wanting to see you again, I didn't mean it.
I was just you know, embarassed.
Hey, it's okay.
I understand completely.
Forget about it.
I mean it had to be pretty embarassing for you too, uh? I guess it was, sort of.
Can I ask you one thing, though? Sure.
Did you you know, see me naked? Gee, Wanda! Did you? Well, not really.
Just from here, to here.
Oh my god But I didn't pay much attention, I swear.
Not that you're not great, you're great, It's just that well I was too busy trying to be a doctor.
Come here.
Thanks for taking care of me, Doogie.
Hey.
No big deal.
It's getting kinda late, son.
I know, I'm almost done.
Is everything alright with you and Wanda? I guess, unless she changes her mind again.
Permit hum A little wisdom from your old man.
No matter how prodigious you're until lately conundrum of womanhood is seldom grasped and never fully understood.
Dr Howser, what's this stuff about grasping Wanda's conundrum? Vincent, isn't it passed your bed time? No, sir.
Well it's passed mine.
Guys.
Good night Dad.
Good night Dr Howser! Vincent.
Howsy, you shnowzy, you never told me you grabbed a conundrum! Well, I don't tell a lot of things.
And? And what? Was it you know, good? It was very mysterious.
Now would you get out of here, I got to go to bed.
Okay, good night! Oh Dr Howser! I love you!