Doom Patrol (2019) s04e11 Episode Script

Portal Patrol

This is it!
This is how we die!
[LARRY] I I don't
think we can die here.
Ahh! Tell it to that motherfucker.
Grid, deploy the pod.
Vic, you're falling apart.
I'm holding us together.
How long has this been a thing?
Roughly 24 hours.
I upgraded.
[CLIFF] So, technically,
we're inside you?
- Ugh.
Look, let's focus on
getting the hell out of here.
[LARRY] Yeah, uh, I
don't know about that.
[CLIFF] I'm with Larry.
What's the point of going back
so Immortus can finish
putting her foot up our ass?
Or so the Butts can
take a bite out of it?
We don't have our longevity.
We're old, useless.
Expired milk.
[VIC] We're not safe here.
And the people back home aren't safe
so long as Immortus and
those Butts are running wild.
- Of course you wanna go back.
You're not dying. And you've got
a shiny new body to play with.
- Yeah, I bet you can't wait
- to get back so you can pull
- [VOICE] Say it.
Shut up! Shut the fuck up!
Are you okay?
How's Rita doing?
Wait, what about Rita?
[LARRY] She's the reason we went
after Immortus in the first place.
Rita's dying.
Then why are we even arguing?
[GRUNTS IN PAIN] No, Keeg. Keeg, don't.
[CLIFF] What the fuck!
Has your glow worm lost its mind?
I don't know.
Keeg, are you nuts?
- What did you do out there?
- [GRID] Keeg has discovered
a series of portals
within the time stream.
- Who the hell is talking?
- That's Grid.
My operating system.
Usually, I'm the only
one that can hear it,
but Keeg must have hacked into it.
You have a voice
in your head
that talks to you.
[CLIFF] Fuck it. That's not even
the strangest thing about him.
Keeg says there's longevity located on
the other side of these three portals.
The longevity skin tag?
As in, Immortus is waiting on the
other side to put the boot to us?
No Immortus, just longevity.
Keeg can sense it.
[CLIFF] Hey, Vic,
does your new gear come
with a bullshit detector?
Because mine is off the charts.
[LARRY] It's not bullshit.
The longevity was a part
of Keeg's entire life.
He knows what it feels like.
What are we supposed to do?
Hurl our asses through time
based on what your kid's telling us?
Isn't that how you lost your
longevity in the first place?
[LARRY] His heart was
in the right place.
And you should know that everyone
deserves second and third chances.
[CLIFF] Boo.
What if we get chomped on by a
T. rex. and wind up dinosaur poop?
Or we end up in a future
where robots have taken over?
[CLIFF] That actually
sounds pretty sweet.
I have a fix for that.
- [CLIFF] Oh!
- Ew.
- Gross.
- Okay, wow.
It's part of the new me.
Okay, here.
Each knuckle has Grid tech in it.
I can control it and recall
it whenever I need to.
So, you've all got one hour.
Get in, find the longevity,
and then I'll yank you back here.
[CLIFF] Just to review.
We're leaping into this dumb plan
based on super spotty information,
armed with nothing but our wits,
my good looks, and Vic's
creepy robotic knuckles.
Pretty much, yeah.
I don't know if I can do this.
Here, here. Hold my mitt.
Oh, that is so gross.
What? My mitt's not good enough,
but you'll grab on to a used
maxi pad wrapped in a trench coat?
Aim for the portals.
Push off hard.
Give yourself some momentum.
Grid, send out an SOS.
Any and all frequencies.
We're gonna broadcast the message
into every damn portal
in this time stream,
until someone on the other side answers.
The Ant Farm?
[SIGHING] Oh, fuck me.
[SOFTLY] My, my, my.
Fuck me sideways.
Wow. This is the most
exciting place we could end up?
At least we know where we are.
Yeah, and when, ish.
I think it was '96 when Niles lied
to Cliff about his family dying.
He went in there and stared
out the window until '04.
We could tell him Clara's alive.
Except we only have an hour to
save Rita, and maybe the world.
Chief is here.
That means we're gonna have
to get the longevity from him.
[SIGHS] Look, the good news
is, Niles has seen it all.
And I bet we're not even the
first time travelers he's ever met.
Right. So, we just stroll up to him,
explain we come from a bleak future,
politely ask him to hand over
the one thing he holds more
sacred than any other possession.
I guess.
Hey, hey! Where are you going?
- [SOFTLY] Okay.
Tell me, barkeep.
You ever had your heart
shat upon by a horse?
[NILES] Kipling.
I've got it.
Then we should celebrate.
To immortality and heartbreak.
- You're drunk.
Absolutely ossified, yeah.
Von Fuchs' men are right behind me.
We need an exit strategy.
You're the exit strategy.
Better get you out of here, then.
I need to hit the head.
Just hurry.
This can't be.
You can't be.
Let me guess.
You got some sketches
of me somewhere, right?
Bad idea?
Until you come up with a good idea?
This isn't possible.
Oh, I'm possible, jerk-off.
You create me and ruin a bunch of
other lives with your experiments.
- I wouldn't.
- No.
Don't bullshit a bullshitter.
We both know what you're capable
of when you get desperate enough.
Will you quit speaking
as if you know me?
But I do.
I mean, I will.
In the future.
Crazy, right?
Like I said, a few decades
from now, you create me.
Part of the recipe is some
of that necklace you stole.
And now, my clock is running out,
and I need some more of that necklace.
It's a skin tag, by the way.
So, wear it in good health.
You have no idea what
I've done to get it
or you wouldn't be asking me for it.
You owe me!
No. Cliff, Cliffy.
Look, I know you think
you need that necklace to live
one day longer than Dorothy.
Yeah, but here's the kicker.
You still croak before her and
the kid's better off without you.
She's got friends. And
she's even growing up now.
I mean, if I had time,
we could do a deep dive
into your parenting style.
You're gonna come at me
with a knife? Are you high?
Who sent you? Von Fuchs?
- The Brain?
[CLAPS] Right, who's ready
to vacate this shit box?
What in the name of
good King Christ is that?
Drunk Merlin is here?
Fuck this! I'm done talking.
Cough it up, Chief!
- Waltroy!
[CLIFF] Fuck, I can't move.
- It's 'cause I de-animated you.
[CLIFF] Or it's because I
have Parkinson's disease.
Yeah, that's right, motherfuckers.
Being unable to move is
basically any other Monday to me.
[SCOFFS] Good luck trying to
pry this dick out of my hands.
- Keeg!
This is not the time for games, Keeg.
We need to
Oh, God. You.
Keeg, get back inside, now.
No, you don't get to do that anymore.
Oh, you're curious?
You wanna know where
I'm from? All right.
I'm from the future
where you abandoned me.
Ah, he shrugs.
Well, I guess you can't
feel too bad about it.
It hasn't happened for you yet.
Yeah, I'm also rapidly dying.
So, things with future me are still
top shelf, in case you're wondering.
- Hey, wait. Wait.
Where are you
[SIGHS] I don't care if you like him.
And I suppose now is as good a
time as any to tell you that
that's your dad.
Holy shit.
You're controlling him?
I didn't know you could do that.
- Niles?
it. Say it. Say it.
- [NILES] Jane!
When did you come back?
I'm not back.
Not for a while.
- What has happened to you?
We've lost our longevity.
You know about longevity.
We know everything in the future.
SOS. Please respond.
This is Victor Stone.
Can anyone hear me?
SOS, please respond.
This is Victor Stone.
Can anyone hear me?
[SCOFFS] Man, I'm Cyborg
again for less than 24 hours,
and I'm already using my
upgrades to call for help.
[GRID] You're doing a great job, Vic.
Grid! Turn off positive reinforcements.
[JANE] Don't worry.
We've done all the fighting
we can about what you've done.
So how about it?
You wanna shave off a little more
of Immortus and save our lives?
I'd love to help you, Jane.
But I really can't do that.
I know.
[NILES] If there's anything
else I can do to help
They're all gone.
[NILES] Who?
The personas?
What does that mean?
It means I'm getting old as fuck.
And I'm losing my mind.
It means I
can't form a normal fucking relationship
outside of these assholes in this house.
And I need to figure out a puzzle
that could change what life I have left.
It means that in some
weird, fucked-up way,
you might be the best person to help me.
[GROANS, GRUNTS] Where the
hell are you from, anyway?
[CLIFF] Oh, I just got
here from fucking your mom.
Apparently I create him at
some point in the future.
The future?
Oh, bollocks.
We'll have to flush
your memories after this.
You will do no such thing.
Future knowledge is a toxin, Niles.
Those who possess it are consumed by it.
[CLIFF] That checks out. My
buddies and I discovered a future
where killer Butts have
taken over the earth
Stop talking about the future.
- [CLIFF] I will, if you let me go.
- No!
You've done enough already.
[CLIFF] No, I haven't. There
are lives depending on me, Niles.
People you are going to love one day.
Oh, right. Pals, just like yourself.
[CLIFF] I know you think I'm your enemy.
And we're sure as shit not pals.
But I understand you now.
You wanna live one day longer
than your daughter, right?
Well, I have a grandson, Rory.
All I want is more time with him too.
I'm not asking for a lot, a few crumbs.
That's the least you can do for me.
You owe me that much.
I know what you're thinking.
This robot is ancient.
I've got better hardware in my room.
But Mr. Invincible
is why we're all here.
Because before you can fly
you must first learn to crawl.
I think it's cute.
Well, Mr. Invincible
might not look like much
But he'll surely surprise you.
[VIC, DISTORTED] SOS, please respond.
SOS, please respond.
Can anyone hear me?
Are you shitting me?
Hey, yo, you're on
- speaker phone.
- What?
Look, I need help. I'm stuck.
I'm in the time stream.
There you are.
Well, kind of hope that hurt.
Dr. Caulder. Sorry to startle you. I
I knocked and there was no answer.
So I assumed I could just
pop in and drop these off.
Fine. Leave them and go.
Yes, well, I have more candidates
for your Immortus project.
Hand them here.
[CLICKS TONGUE] Yes, well, um
Sorry to interrupt again.
Actually, you know, that's not all.
I know you don't think
much of me or my methods,
but I want you to know that I
[SIGHS] I respect your work, and I'm
I truly believe that I would
be a great asset to you.
Ms. De Mille
If only someone would
just take a flier on me,
and you could always use an ally
Ms. De Mille!
I've had my eye on you for some time.
I have observed your ambition.
Your single-mindedness.
And your ability to compromise.
And what those concessions
have done to your character.
It is my opinion that you are simply
not cut out for the Bureau.
quite a lot to digest, so I
- shall just see myself out.
I knew there was
something off about you.
[LARRY] Thanks for these.
[VOICE ECHOING] It is from me?
[LARRY] Yeah, that's right.
It's our It's our Keeg.
You know, maybe you could help us.
You want my help?
[LARRY] I know dying shouldn't
be that big of a deal.
I've made it a century, right?
But the thing is, I have Keeg now.
And I've been worrying about who's
gonna take care of him after I go.
I'm thinking
maybe it could be you.
I I know he'd be safe with you.
And you could maybe teach him things
about himself that I never could.
- No.
- [LARRY] Oh.
Did you not hear the part
where I said I'm dying?
This Larry
not ready for two.
- I am sorry.
- [LARRY] You're sorry?
I'm not even supposed to be here.
I'm on a mission to save
Rita, and I'm throwing it away
to ask you for help saving our child.
And you're sorry?
Do you have any idea what you've done?
I wasn't mad at you because you left.
It's because you gave me a
second chance at fatherhood
and it's been beautiful.
But now, it's the most
painful thing I've experienced,
because it's all for naught.
I'm fucking dying, and I
can't take care of my child!
will be well.
[LARRY] You don't know
that. He He's
He's not as strong as you. He worries
Why worry?
Because there's a solid chance
that Keeg is what kills me.
Yeah. Good. You two talk it out.
[JANE] What is that shit?
[NILES] It's a potion
concocted by a friend.
It's supposed to erase memories.
You're going to forget this?
Apparently, knowledge of the future
is more poisonous than this shit.
Well, you might wanna
pour yourself a double,
because I have a question for you.
Well, why not ask the me of your time?
Because you're not there anymore.
[EXHALES] I see.
Why did we have so many sessions
when you knew I was a lost cause?
Why on earth would you think that?
Because I know there's a room
with a dozen locks on the door
waiting for me at Josh Clay's house.
For your worst-case scenarios.
So I have to assume you
don't have high hopes for me.
It's just that you're sometimes
so hard to reach, Jane.
Your tether is so thin.
So why do you keep trying?
Why are you trying now?
Because I'm your friend.
Do you honestly believe that?
Yes, I do.
I am your incredibly
What about you?
Do you still think you're a lost cause?
It sure as shit looks that way.
I can't find Kay and the others
without solving some
fucking jigsaw puzzle,
and getting my new purpose.
Well, I could help you with
that. I'm quite good at puzzles.
No, it's not like that. I I
have to say something to solve it.
And I don't know what that is.
Or maybe you do know what
to say but don't want to.
What is it you do want, then?
Is there something wrong with that?
It's just that
Until now, your purpose
has always been to survive.
Which means I'm afraid that you
will never find absolute peace.
We're out of foil.
[VIC] Look, you don't need
to reconstruct the pod.
To find your solution, we need to
fully understand your condition.
This isn't Apollo 13.
I have air and power.
I just need a way out.
He's not wrong.
Joy, will you let me have this?
[VIC] Forget the pod.
Look, imagine I'm in a
hallway with a million doors.
I just need to open the right one.
That's what I've been saying. The
portals are all about probability.
This kid sounds smart.
I can't believe out of
all the doors I knocked on,
you were the ones who answered.
[DERICK] Thank Mr. Invincible.
He's linked to your comm system.
He is?
How does this kid know how
to calculate time portals?
You taught her, Vic.
You wanted to be a hero in a new way,
and I'm sitting here looking at it.
I'm talking to the future.
You're talking to your future.
How does this happen? What do I do?
[DERICK] How about we focus
on getting you to the present
and let the future take care of itself.
[GRUNTS] There you go.
- [CLIFF] I sincerely hope
- that hurts like hell.
Let's vanish. I'm sobering up.
I'm sorry for whatever
has happened to you.
For whatever I may
or may not do to you.
But I am not that man yet.
And if I become him
we will cross that
bridge when we come to it.
- Let's go.
[MAN] Dr. Niles Caulder.
This is Ernst and Wilhelm Bischoff.
Assistant cobblers to
Dr. Heinrich Von Fuchs.
If you return the artifact,
we will execute you quickly.
[CLIFF] News flash. The Nazis are here.
What the fuck are you doing?
I was told, in no uncertain
terms, not to get involved.
Nobody is rooting harder for you than I.
[CLIFF] So, you've always
been a massive cock.
Look, everything's fine.
They're bluffing.
I destroyed their armory
- after I stole the necklace.
[CLIFF] The fuck?
Kipling, for the love of
Churchill's ball bag
unfreeze me!
Fine, fuck it. Yortlaw!
[CLIFF] Motherfucker!
Ooh, axes?
That's the best you could do? [SCOFFS]
All right, let's see how your
hatchets do against my Goliath.
Oh, so now we're buddies.
All right, you're up.
Take their heads off.
.Yeah, here's the thing. You
created me with one weakness.
- How's that?
- I'm a brain,
in liquid, surrounded by metal.
Don't look at me like
that. You created my ass.
Now you want me to take
on two electric axes?
[NILES] Fine! May I?
Thank you.
How about one electric axe?
[MAN] Bruder?
[CLIFF] Fine!
Fucking hell!
Did you see that?
Uh, damn it. I'm stuck!
You didn't freeze him again, did you?
[CLIFF] Yeah, like I said, Parkinson's.
It happens.
- Whoa, whoa, whoa!
Oh, shit!
How long are you gonna
keep this game up, hmm?
I know you're a shifter.
Okay, I'm gonna take you out,
and you're going to talk to me.
And if you try anything, I'll
have the guards take care of you.
- Okay.
Show me who you really are.
- Cute.
- Cute?
How is your mind not fucking blown?
I'm you, you fucking idiot.
I know a grifter when I see one.
Or did you think I'd
be so stunned by this
bizarrely dressed version of myself
that you'd get the drop on
me? I invented that play.
I know.
Because I invented that
play. Because I am you.
- Prove it.
- How?
We haven't trusted a
soul since we were 14.
Our parents led the mob.
Chased us out of town because
we revealed our abilities.
Sorry. Had to do it.
[CLIFF] Yeah, yep. Oh, that's the stuff.
Almost there, fellas. I can feel it.
Just a little more elbow grease.
- Come on, push!
- I am pushing. You push.
If I'm the man that builds
you, then I'm a goddamn genius.
No. You're a monster.
- [CLIFF] Look out!
Forgive me, Bunberry.
- Chief?
You're me from the future?
Yes, I came for Caulder's
Immortus artifact.
- Why? What does it do?
- For us? Not a thing.
But my friends need it,
I need them.
Well, time traveling to the Ant Farm
is quite a risk to
take for your friends.
Well, they help me be a better person.
And why would we need to be better?
Because I have spent my entire existence
trying to undo all the
horrible shit that we've done.
I know you want to believe you're good.
You want power so you
can change the world.
But this isn't the way.
The Bureau isn't the way.
But that's just your opinion, isn't it?
Because I'm not you.
Not yet.
I'm sure you believe you're good,
because you have become
a master at deception.
I mean, you've even
managed to con yourself
as to your noble intentions.
- That's not true.
- But I know it is,
because I am working hard over here
and I am still no better than you.
And I know now
we won't change.
Not till it's too late.
I'm a good person, you fucking bitch.
No, you're not.
[VIC] How are we doing, Detroiticons?
[DERICK] Working hard, Vic.
Don't worry.
These kids are geniuses.
- I got it.
- Oh, thank God!
was for sure we were screwed.
So, where's the portal?
Exactly where you came from.
No, that can't be right.
Grid already checked there.
There's a back door.
A back door?
Mr. Stone can get to it.
The portal will be there.
- How can this kid be so certain?
- [JOY] Because it's math.
I've run the calculations.
[VIC] So has Grid.
Yeah, but your version of Grid doesn't
have the data that our setup has.
[JOY] Listen, if you wanna waste time
and check my work, be my guest.
Whoa. Hold up. Joy.
We trust you.
Vic, can we transmit the
coordinates in an update to Grid?
Do what you have to do.
What did I miss?
[JOY] We're saving you
from the time stream.
You have your doubts, though.
It'll work.
I checked their work.
[GRID] I have received new coordinates.
There appears to be a portal at the very
spot from which we
entered the time stream.
Grid, recall the knuckles.
No, I don't deserve this. I'm good.
Good? You're good?
We're the fucking weapon!
Please, why? Why, why? Please, why?
Because I fucking hate us!
[CLIFF] Oh, my God! Oh, my God!
- Oh, my God! No! Chief, talk to me.
I can't feel my legs.
- Hold tight, Caulder.
I'll get us out of here
and get you some help.
[CLIFF] I can't No.
This isn't happening now.
This can't be on me.
Please! This isn't fair.
I'm not the one who
broke your fucking back.
You are
quite magnificent.
[CLIFF] I'm sorry.
I've seen and done some
nastiness in my life.
But taking longevity
from a dying man, that
is true fuckery.
I mean, like you said,
he owes you, right?
So, I suppose, now you're even.
You're gonna wipe his
memory of this, right?
Wipe his memory?
He's dying.
[CLIFF] Why is everything on me?
Everyone else gets to cruise
through life, completely amoral.
What about me?
Why do I have to be
tortured by everything?
[LARRY] Hey, you know,
I hate to be pushy, but
we're on a bit of a clock.
Yes, I know.
He thinks he's going to
throw me into the sun.
[VOICE ECHOING] No, this is different.
Not death.
- New life.
- [LARRY] New life?
I become new life?
In the sun?
Are you trying to tell me
that we become a fucking sun?
Wait, what does that even mean?
Okay, why would we ever do that?
Hey, answer me.
stronger than my Larry.
But still
So much fear.
You pass it to Keeg.
[LARRY] Why would you
say something so cruel?
I can do more
than what she made me for.
You know, you might not believe this,
but I have made progress.
The other lunatics in this house
I've actually become friends with them.
the others are extensions
of your purpose.
They've helped you
survive. You've helped them.
Maybe if you let it out,
it might free you to do
even more than you were designed for.
More even than
whatever this new purpose might be.
How do I even know I want a new purpose?
I'm so tired of being me.
You want peace.
I mean, fuck!
If not me, then who?
How about Kay?
She's the one who created all of
you to do the tasks that she can't.
So maybe
you solving your puzzle
could free her
to search for her peace.
What about the rest of us?
Yes, but Kay
Kay is the one who suffered.
Kay is the one who
went through the trauma.
That's not true.
[HAMMERHEAD] Come on, Jane.
Say it.
You've always known.
Just say it.
It happened to all of us.
It happened to me.
I was raped by my father.
The moment we were created
we could feel the memory.
Please. Come with us.
It's all right.
We don't need it anymore.
We're all together now.
Where are we going?
I wanna show you what
I've been building.
[LARRY] Three shots.
We had three shots and we failed.
We don't need the longevity.
We have each other.
And when we come together
as one, we can do anything.
[CLIFF] Jane's giving the pep talk?
That's where we are?
Which persona are you right now?
I'm all of us.
I am the Kaleidoscope.
What the hell does that
mean, you're the Kaleidoscope?
I don't totally know.
I'm working that out.
[VIC] Screw it.
Jane's right.
Young or old, it doesn't matter.
We have to do what's
right. And that means
going back there and putting up a fight.
[LARRY] Fight who, exactly?
The all-powerful Immortus?
And the ever-growing horde of Butts?
Whoever we have to in
order to save the world.
To save Rita.
The hell, maybe even save ourselves.
[CLIFF] Fuck it.
I'm going to hell anyway.
If the last thing we do before we croak
is take those motherfuckers with us,
it is what it is.
Proceed to the coordinates
that you received.
We're going home.
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