Drop Dead Diva s02e08 Episode Script
Queen of Mean
See that aspiring model there? That was me - Deb, until the day I died.
I thought I'd go straight to heaven, but there was a bit of a mix-up and I woke up in someone else's body.
So now I'm Jane, a super-busy lawyer with my very own assistant.
I got a new life, a new wardrobe, and the only people who really know what's going on with me are my girlfriend Stacy and my guardian angel, fred.
I used to think everything happened for a reason Whoo! And, well, I sure hope I was right.
Mnh! It's not fair.
I dreamt I had Larry king's baby, and you get an entire dance number with thunder from down under? It was such a nice dream Until Hank the bailiff.
Who's Hank the bailiff? Remember? He's the guy that Jane dated before I became Jane.
Why was he in my sexy dream? Well, the hunky men represent the dance partners missing from your life right now, and your subconscious is telling you it is time to start dating again.
Ohh.
You're good at this.
I know.
And you need to start with Hank.
What?! No! Why can't I start with one of the thunder from down unders? I'd pick number three.
Jane No, Hank is is sweet and all, but we don't have anything.
Did you give him a real shot? Sweetie, old Jane really liked him, so maybe you owe it to her to see if there are any sparks.
Fine, I owe her.
I'll pay her back with an expensive haircut.
What if we threw a dinner party and you invited Hank? It'd be like a date with a safety net.
Oh, and I'll marinate lamb chops! I saw this great recipe in "real simple.
" You don't read "real simple.
" I do at the gyno.
It was either that or a pamphlet about the uterus.
All right, fine.
I will ask him.
Now Check this out.
Whoa! An Ellie Tannen scarf.
To wear at my meeting with Ellie Tannen.
No way! She's looking for new lawyers, and I feel that this scarf says, "I'm not a stodgy lawyer.
I'm part of your tasteful tribe.
" Hmm.
Oh, Jane, you know Ellie is a total monster.
I can handle monsters.
Remember that tic tac shoot I did with a real komodo dragon? Well, this dragon's a thrower office supplies, lattes, stilettos.
So I'll duck.
I am going to get Ellie to like me.
It's perfect.
Thank you.
Gotta go.
Oh! Um, one more thing - Ellie hates the word "no.
" So that means - I know what "no" means.
It means that if you can't do what she asks, just smile And nod and say, "it won't be a problem.
" It won't be a problem.
Hmm.
She's going to love you.
I hope! Can you believe that Angelina jolie walks this very corridor every time she comes for a fitting with Ellie? And that matters to me because Um, because Angelina could trip, sue Ellie, and if Ellie were our client, we could make a fortune on a protracted, high-profile trial.
Good thinking, Bingum.
There she is.
Mr.
Parker, Ms.
Bingum.
I'm Hugo, Ellie's executive assistant.
She's ready.
Thank you.
I need you to start without me.
Why? What's going on? I'll be right in.
I just, uh, need a moment.
We know you're interviewing other firms Chase & Funk, Marmel & Fletcher.
They're good, but Harrison & Parker has expertise in all areas of the law, areas that are of interest to your business copyright, intellectual property Hugo, is that my scarf? Yes.
What have you done to my poor scarf? Do you have some sort of head wound? No.
Um No, I-I saw it like this in the window at Bloomie's.
As I was saying Hugo, call Bloomingdale's and have them fire the window dresser.
Oh, no, no.
Ms.
Tannen, I-I am so sorry.
I was wearing your beautiful scarf exactly like you.
Um, and then I thought being matchy-matchy might make you uncomfortable.
How refreshing.
A lawyer who cares about my feelings.
Come, let's go to lunch.
I have a pressing legal matter I want to discuss.
So we're hired? Yes.
But only she's coming to eat.
I don't know.
I feel so stupid.
We never even thought to make a will.
It was a car accident.
Unfortunately, Ms.
Webb, this happens all the time.
Have you filed a claim with the probate court? Yes.
And now your in-laws are making the same claim? They want everything.
They didn't even come to their own daughter's funeral.
Your spouse was their daughter? Yes.
Melanie.
Oh.
So you and your wife had a civil union? No, Ms.
Kaswell.
When we got married, I was a man.
Please.
Can you help me? We'll do everything we can.
Waiter.
Yes, ma'am.
More, please.
That's enough.
So here's why I asked you to lunch.
My former assistant, dawn Lucas, had the audacity to write a tell-all book about me.
Wow.
Did you read it? First two chapters.
She sent it out to publishers.
Of course, there was a bidding war because of my name.
We're done.
Let me clear that, ma'am.
I'm sorry.
I just just Um, so You feel that the - the book is unflattering? She makes me out to be mean and abusive.
It's pure fiction.
Legally, we have to wait until the book is released, but then we can sue for libel.
I want you to stop the book before it's published.
That's not how it works.
Uh, the freedom of speech is the foundation of our country.
If you can't help me, I'll ask the waiter to put your salmon dijonaise in a doggie bag.
So, Jane, can you stop the publication of this book or not? It won't be a problem.
Ah, the prodigal lawyer oh.
Were you waiting for me? What? No.
I just had some business here in reception.
Mm-hmm.
What's Ellie got for us? A total dog.
She wants me to file an injunction to stop a tell-all from being published.
Which would be prior restraint, and you'd lose.
Yeah.
I know.
It's impossible.
Even the U.
S.
government couldn't use prior restraint to stop the Pentagon papers.
As justice black said, "to hold that the publication of news "may sometimes be enjoined would make a shambles of the first amendment.
" Oh.
Not to mention, I'd have a tough time arguing that a trashy book is a threat to national security.
Agreed.
So, what do I do? Well, you know what they say.
If the law's against you, bang on the facts.
If the facts are against you, bang on the law.
If both are against you, bang on the table.
That's a lot of banging.
You have a fiduciary duty to your client.
The relationship is sacred.
Especially if the client handed you a big, fat retainer.
Bang, bang.
Hey, you ready to meet our client's in-laws? I was thinking, do you really need me? You seem to have it under control.
Wow.
You're that uncomfortable around Allison that you have to remove yourself? No.
Okay, maybe a little.
I mean, I completely respect his her "Her.
" Right.
Look, the client needs an Alpha male on her team.
If you can accept Allison, then no one else should have a problem.
You see me as an Alpha male? I see you as a prop in this case.
If you're uncomfortable, keep your mouth shut.
Mr.
and Mrs.
Walters, we're very sorry for your loss, but we think we can come to a reasonable settlement.
Oh, really? Is there a price that you can put on humiliation? We couldn't send out family Christmas cards or attend family reunions you chose not to.
Do you know how much that hurt Melanie? Melanie died without children.
Therefore, without a will, the property goes to the spouse first, then to the parents and Allison is the spouse.
"Spouse.
" Please.
Not under California law.
Look, Allison isn't trying to get rich here.
She simply wants to stay in the home she shared with your daughter, keep her personal belongings everything that belonged to Melanie belongs to us.
Taking away Melanie's things won't take away what we had together.
She was everything to me.
You did this to yourself.
Hi, Stacy's voicemail.
So, I am at the courthouse, and I'm pretending to be talking to you so that I look fake-busy when I fake-bump into Hank and invite him to our date/fake dinner party.
UmOoh, there he is.
Bye.
Hank! Jane.
How are you? Uh, good, good.
It's been a while.
Yeah.
UmHow have you been lately? Oh, you know.
Shelby in arraignments got transferred, threw off everyone's schedule.
Been total chaos.
I bet.
Yeah.
So, I know that this is last minute, um, but my roommate and I are throwing a dinner party tomorrow.
Why don't you come? I'd love to.
Oh, great! Around 7:00? I can't wait.
Me too.
Okay.
Okay.
Our first challenge we have to survive their motion to dismiss.
We can go to trial Ms.
Tannen, are any of the allegations in the book true? Do you really expect to stop the publication? Have you spoken with dawn since hearing about the book? No photo ops.
No sound bites.
Just keep walking.
Parker! Hi.
I said I wanted her, not you.
Oh, I'm just here to observe silently.
Hmm.
Have you thought of a new cause of action yet? Maybe.
I'm not sure.
Dawn, how does it feel to be a hero for underappreciated assistants everywhere? What are you hoping to gain by publishing this book? I just want to tell my side of the story.
She's hoping to get rich by telling lies.
Just 'cause you're the boss doesn't mean you can treat people bad.
Ow.
"Badly.
" It's an adverb.
How can you even write a book when you don't know grammar? All right.
Let's go.
Don't believe a word she says or writes! I move to dismiss Ms.
Bingum's complaint.
No court has countenanced prior restraint in this situation.
Your honorHe's right, uh, which is why we are suing for defamation! Defamation? Yes.
The book's not even published.
The book is written by an incompetent who couldn't make a proper cup of coffee.
Quiet.
And no sunglasses in my court.
Um, take them off.
Take them off! Take them off! Um, your honor, dawn Lucas sent the first 2 chapters to 20 publishers.
As soon as any one of them read it, it was de facto published.
Publication doesn't require that the book is sitting on a shelf at Barnes & noble.
So every person in Starbucks with a laptop is a published author? Once they press "send," yes.
An unorthodox argument, but the logic is sound.
Motion to dismiss denied.
I'll see you all tomorrow.
Nice.
You might have a shot.
You too much cologne.
You smell like the back of a new York cab.
And you tomorrow, try not to whine.
It's grating.
I just got us a trial.
Really? Bragging? Suddenly, I'm nostalgic for the whining.
Charming, isn't she? Do something about her, Jane.
If her own lawyer doesn't like her, the jury's gonna hate her.
Will the witness that's ridiculous!The question? *** she was a loud chewer.
I couldn't focus with all of the noise.
I had to forbid her to eat anything crunchy or crispy.
That's it! You're in contempt.
Ellie, if you explode like that in court, you play right into their hands.
So you need to act like the questions don't bother you.
I'm waiting, counselor.
Ms.
Tannen, did you send Ms.
Lucas to nordstrom to remove a mannequin's clothing simply because it was displaying Donna Karan? Donna Karan is a glorified home-ec teacher.
Okay, really, really close.
A better response might have been, uh, "the clothes were out of season, and I was helping nordstrom stay current.
" Maybe I can help.
When I'm asked a question that pisses me off, I first smile, tilt my head to the left, and quietly think "bite me" before I answer.
I do it every time my mother asks when I'm getting married.
Okay, l-l-let's try again.
So, I'm opposing counsel, and I'm going to ask Ms.
Tannen, is it true that you refused to allow dawn Lucas to attend her grandmother's funeral? No.
I merely told dawn there was work to be done, and if she wasn't at her desk, then somebody else would do it.
So, you claim that this book is a misrepresentation.
Yes.
What about this? "Ellie took one look at my outfit "and told me it needed to be burned "and that she would set it on fire "whether I was wearing it or not.
"I went home to change outfits, and she docked my pay while I was gone.
" Do you recall this incident? I do.
You must understand that if my employees dress without taste, that reflects "badly" on me.
Why did you dock her pay? It was only fair to my employees who were at work and dressed appropriately.
Sounds reasonable.
Not the work of a "tyrant" or a "rage-a-holic" or a "spiteful witch.
" Those are my air quotes, her words.
Ms.
Tannen, why would Ms.
Lucas write such misrepresentations? People can be jealous.
They don't realize it takes talent, hard work, and great personal sacrifice to achieve what I've achieved.
When they can't cut it, they have to cut down those who do.
Allison, don't be nervous.
You won't be on the stand long.
Great.
The less I see of the Walters, the better.
I'm gonna ask you questions about your genetics more specifically, your DNA.
Since your chromosomes are still male, the court should be forced to recognize absolutely not.
I'm not a man.
I won't say that I am.
Uh, we don't mean to be offensive, but every relevant case has ruled against the transgendered person.
The DNA argument just gives us a chance to dodge that issue.
I don't care what my DNA says.
It's just a legal strategy.
Look, when I transitioned, Melanie stood by me every step of the way.
By saying I'm a man denies everything that we went through.
Please, find another way.
I was so excited.
The job was a dream come true.
I've always loved fashion.
For my 8th birthday, I asked my mom for a subscription to "vogue.
" My first day on the job, I told Ellie that story.
And what was her response? She told me to bore someone else.
Ooh.
That must have hurt.
Yes.
But I didn't want to quit.
So, to let it all out, I started a journal.
One day, a friend of mine who works in publishing read some of it and suggested I write a proposal.
So you had no malicious intent? Objection counsel's putting big legal words in his little client's mouth.
Why did you write the book? It was therapeutic.
It's sad when your dream job doesn't live up to your dreams.
Yes, it is.
My client gave me a copy of your rèsumè.
That you submitted to get the job.
I called the fashion institute, and they don't have you on record.
Oh.
I audited.
Who is Mitchell Hastings? A friend.
And he's also your literary Agent? Yes.
And Mr.
Hastings doesn't usually take on first-time authors, but you came to him with a great idea, didn't you? I have a lot of ideas.
It's time to come clean, dawn.
Didn't you pitch that you would get a job with Ellie Tannen, work for her, and then write a tell-all? No.
Really? Because your Agent called publishers before you began working for Ellie to see if there was even interest in such a book.
I don't know.
And once the publishers gave the go-ahead, isn't that when you set out to land a job with Ellie? Objection badgering.
Excuse me, your honor.
I'll ask it again in a nicer, non-badgering voice.
Isn't it true that you took this job under false pretenses, solely to write a tell-all and destroy Ellie Tannen? I, uh I Jane, Jane.
What? I feel sick.
I need a break.
Take a tums.
Dawn's about to crumble.
Please.
I feel faint.
The last few weeks have been torture.
The trial has been very draining.
Excuse me.
Excuse me.
So it is with a heavy heart that I decided to drop the case.
*** I just hope no onetors in areads that trash.
Court case.
Where are you? There is my hand.
I'm trying to get to Ellie so that I can strangle her.
You know, I've left her phone messages and e-mails, and she just won't respond.
I just don't understand what happened.
You were dumped on television.
It's just like "the bachelor," without all those gratuitous jacuzzi scenes.
Yeah, but we know why Jason dumped Melissa, and I have no idea why Ellie dumped me.
Oh! It's Hank.
Now, pull yourself together.
You've got a date.
Okay.
Fred, dinner! Hank! I brought wine.
AndA-a date.
Uh, this is my girlfriend, Jasmine.
Hi.
Come in.
I'm sorry.
Ohh! Hey, everyone, um, Hank brought wine and his girlfriend, Jasmine.
Hi.
I'll get another plate.
Come on.
So, Jasmine, what do you do? I-I'm a court reporter Oftentimes in your court.
Sorry.
Of course.
Um, you are very good at your job.
You type very fast.
Jasmine, I have a question.
Why do we need court reporters? Wouldn't it be easier to just record everything? I mean, the the technology's been with us for ages.
So, you don't think that my job is important? Um I didn't say that.
Okay.
You're an assistant.
Okay.
So I'm guessing that you spend your days making coffee, xeroxing, taking crap.
Now, that that sounds important! Mekka lekka hi, mekka hiney ho.
Oh What was that? It's pee-wee! I know you are, but what am I? I know you are, but what am I? I know you are, but what am I? I know you are, but what am I? Infinity! Okay, Hank, honey.
She knows pee-wee! Yeah, she does! Ha! He does the pee-wee thing when he gets nervous or overly excited or - or turned on.
He's so much fun.
You never told me.
Okay, who'd like more wine? Yeah, a little less for you.
"Wine"? She said the secret word! He's with me, honey.
What? Yeah.
Oh, you think I'm flirting with him.
No.
Really? 'Cause from right here, it sure looks like it.
No, no, no, you don't understand.
Jane is supposed to be flirting with Hank.
What? Why? Why? UmNever mind.
No.
No one flirts with Hank à Â-Except Hank's beautiful, Fast-typing girlfriend, Jasmine.
Oh, God.
Was was this supposed to be a date disguised as a dinner party? Oh.
See, that's my fault.
'Cause, see, Jane had this dream about Hank no, shh! Ohh.
Oh.
Okay.
Hank, we are leaving.
You had a dream about me? Now, Hank.
Okay.
Honey.
Honey! I'm so sorry.
I know you are, but what am I? Good morning.
Who says? Check out the lead story on hotstyles.
Net.
I hate that fashion blog.
You know, they claimed the gladiator sandal was dead one day after I bought my new pair.
The lead story is about Ellie.
She just announced a discount line for the everyday woman.
Ellie doesn't do discount.
Read.
Teri, cancel my morning.
I gotta go.
I thought you'd say that.
Allison, did you and Melanie file your tax returns jointly as a married couple? Yes.
Did the irs cash the checks you wrote? They most certainly did.
Was Melanie listed as your spouse on your health insurance? Yes.
Were you under a family plan with your cellphone company? Yes.
So, without question, the federal government and multinational corporations recognized you and Melanie as a married couple? They did.
Thank you.
I'd like you to read from the California family code, section 300.
"Marriage is a personal relation arising out of a civil contract between one man and one woman.
" Ms.
webb, what gender was Melanie? A woman.
And what gender are you? A woman.
Thank you.
Meh.
We can do better.
What about the Italian silk? Company.
Jane You never wanted to win this case, did you? This whole lawsuit was one giant publicity stunt.
You were fired, and I am working.
I figured it out.
See, your discount clothing line is available November 8th.
That's one week after dawn Lucas's book is released.
Really? I had no idea.
You didn't want to stop the book.
You wanted to promote it.
Hugo, shoo.
Look, moms want to wear my line, but their daughters could care less.
I'm not on the hot list for the everyday gal.
But then dawn wrote the book, and thanks to the lawsuit, I'm relevant again.
But then you started to win in the court, and it looked like the book wasn't gonna be published, so I had to pull your plug.
Wait a minute.
So, when you hired me, you didn't think I'd win.
You picked me because you thought I was a loser? Darling, I didn't need a good lawyer.
I needed someone I could push around.
And you walked in, so desperate to be liked.
Turns out, you're too good of a lawyer.
Guess I misjudged.
Anything else? No.
You've been perfectly clear.
Walk with me.
But, uh, Kim needs her apple, peeled, cored, and sliced.
I feel so stupid, fred.
You have an I.
Q.
Of 140.
I can assure you, you are not Ellie hired me because she thought I'd lose the case.
That doesn't make sense.
I got the client by being Deb, a complete pushover.
And I got fired by being Jane, smart and persistent.
This is good.
So y-you're giving Jane some props.
But you're you're underestimating Deb.
How? We both ended up here because she hit the "return" button and sent the entire universe into disarray.
Deb was not a pushover.
Well, I did have my moments.
Mm-hmm.
Yeah.
And if I don't get to Kim with her apple, she's gonna have one of hers.
Ooh! Mmm.
Wh what? She's not gonna miss one slice.
Grayson? Hey.
You only do origami when you are stressed or upset.
Wait.
How did I've noticed.
W-what's wrong? We're losing this case, and it's not right.
I've heard about your case.
I didn't realize you felt so strongly.
Well, it took me a while, but I realize it's only about one thing.
Winning the case? Ohh, it goes way beyond that.
It's about something everyone searches for but only some of us find.
Oh, like the perfect black cocktail dress.
Yes! No.
It's true love.
I know.
Yeah.
You're absolutely right.
What these two went through - and they stayed together makes you believe love can conquer all.
And nobody should be able to take that away from them.
I agree.
Grayson, in Littleton vs.
Prange, wasn't christie Littleton's marriage invalidated because she was identified as a male on her birth certificate and she couldn't marry another male? Yeah, it's not helpful.
No, actually, it might be.
Littleton held that, legally, gender is determined by which box is marked on the birth certificate, right? Yeah, but Allison won't let us argue that she's a man.
You don't have to.
Apply the logic of Littleton.
If the birth certificate is controlling, your client was legally married.
It's a win-win.
The state used a birth certificate to destroy a marriage.
You can use it to validate one.
I'll give it a shot.
Thanks, Jane.
Well anything for true love.
Yeah.
"I'm sorry" pomtini? Thanks.
Wow.
You must be really sorry.
Mm-hmm.
I have learned my lesson.
Sometimes a dream about thunder from down under and Hank the bailiff is just A dream about thunder from down under and Hank the bailiff.
You know what? You were just trying to be helpful.
I hope I didn't mess things up for Hank.
I ran into him at court.
He said it was the best night of his life.
Go, Hank.
You expecting someone? No.
Hmm.
It's Ellie.
No.
Oh, my God, I'm wearing sweats.
Don't leave me.
Ms.
Tannen.
I need to speak with you in private.
Pretend I'm not here.
O-kay.
I just need to go to my room And change out of these sweats that are so last season.
Yes, please, make yourself at home.
I've changed my mind.
I want to go back to court and stop the publication of this book.
Really? Did you have something else you wanted to promote? I'm done, Ellie.
You're on retainer.
You still work for me.
Retainer or not I have one word for you no.
Hugo got a copy of the rest of the book.
There are things I don't want the world to know, things they can't know.
Like what? Does it matter? Yeah.
If you want my help.
Jane, I'm going blind.
I have a degenerative eye disease Steingardt's syndrome.
Hugo helps me pick out the fabrics and the colors, but the concepts and designs are all mine.
I have no idea how dawn found out.
So, your your glasses let them think that I wear them to hide my thoughts.
The truth is, my eyes are painfully sensitive to light.
Okay.
If you don't help me, my career will be over.
I need you.
*** and now she wants a closed courtroom? Is this another one of your stunts? If this were a stunt, I'd be inviting TMZ into the gallery.
The information I intend to introduce is of a sensitive, personal nature.
Mr.
Resnick, this case was not officially dismissed, and I don't have a problem excusing the jury or the public.
I could use the quiet.
Your honor, at this point, we recall dawn Lucas to the stand.
Ms.
Lucas, in the final chapter of your unpublished manuscript, you reveal my client's health issues, isn't that true? Yes.
My publisher is very excited.
I'm sure.
So how did you learn about Ms.
Tannen's medical problems? Oh.
I was her assistant.
I heard things around the office.
But Ms.
Tannen never spoke of her condition at the office.
Hmm.
I would like to submit exhibit "a" release forms signed by Ms.
Tannen to obtain her private medical records.
Only the signature is not Ms.
Tannen's.
It's a forgery.
Objection no foundation.
Your honor, I have a handwriting expert ready to verify that dawn Lucas forged my client's signature.
Also, I have a receptionist from the hospital that will testify that dawn Lucas picked up those files.
If the d.
A.
Wants to prosecute for forgery, that's his decision, but as far as this case is concerned, she has not shown falsity.
Maybe so.
But public disclosure of private facts is actionable, so I'm amending my complaint.
Public disclosure doesn't apply here because Ms.
Tannen is a public figure.
She doesn't enjoy the same right to privacy as us common folk.
He's right, your honor.
Ms.
Tannen is a public figure.
And people love juicy gossip about public figures.
Totally guilty.
However, with these new chapters, dawn Lucas crossed the line.
Just because something is true does not give you the right to publish it.
Famous people, nasty people, or famously nasty people still have some rights to privacy.
Now, you can hate Ms.
Tannen, but that does not give you the right to destroy her.
There is a genuinely mean woman in this room.
But it is not my client.
Allison webb was a devoted spouse and committed partner.
Yet we're deciding whether to strip her of her rightful title to her partner's possessions.
And why? Because we don't know what to call her.
You've asked for law.
Well, the majesty of the law is that we apply its principles to everyone.
In Littleton v.
Prange, a Texas court denied christie Littleton her husband's benefits because her birth certificate listed her as male and she was married to a man.
Our point exactly, your honor.
The court held they were a same-sex couple.
Although my client is a woman, her birth certificate says "male.
" By the logic of Littleton, she qualifies under section 300 as a spouse.
That's not the ruling.
But it is the logic.
Precedent or no, it's persuasive.
Your honor, Texas law has no precedential value here.
That's for me to decide.
I'm finding for Ms.
webb.
What?! Should you appeal my decision, it's my hope you get another judge who believes it's not our job to judge whether two people can be in love.
Thank you.
There's little question, under the law, that I cannot stop the publication of Ms.
Lucas's book.
I-I'm so sorry.
So, while I'm denying injunctive relief, I do find the work does publicly disclose private facts, and, therefore, I'm awarding damages for each disclosure, $28 a book.
But the book sells for $27.
If the publisher loses a dollar a copy, why would they sell my book? My guess, they won't.
Fine.
I can write articles.
I've been offered a speaking tour.
Plenty of people will pay me for this information.
I'd be careful, if I were you.
I assume Ms.
Bingum has yet to inform the d.
A.
Of the forgery? Not yet, your honor.
But if Ms.
Lucas acts on her threats, I most certainly will.
Oh, and being the fashion expert that you are, I'm sure you know orange prison jump suits not that flattering.
That's all, people.
We're adjourned.
I can't thank you enough.
It's justBeyond.
Excuse me oh.
Mr.
Walters, can we help you? I'd like to speak with Allison.
Please.
It'll only take a minute.
Okay.
My wife and I we we never saw eye-to-eye on I wish Melanie would've known that.
I can never forgive myself for turning my back on my daughter.
Now I'll never see her again.
Thank you for making her happy.
This was my mother's.
I wanted to give it to Melanie.
But I want you to have it If you would.
I'll never take it off.
It goes with everything.
You can't just barge in here.
Well, I just did, didn't I? Jane, Ms.
Tannen to see you.
UhYou have another case for me? Please, no.
Court is so drab.
I know.
All they need to do is change the lighting.
I mean, is that so hard? Jane, I never care what people think about me.
Let them call me "mean" or "dragon lady" or "Cru-ellie de Vil.
" I was just saying.
My point is I care what you think.
Well, I think That you don't need to be so mean to sell clothes or run a fashion house.
I'm not saying be a pushover, but there is a way stop talking! See, that was a little mean.
So I can give you this.
Well, maybe not so mean.
It's gorgeous.
It's one-of-a-kind, just like Me.
Toodles.
Hey.
Congrats.
I just heard.
Oh.
Kudos to you, as well.
Well, I couldn't have done it without your help.
Here, I brought you this.
Thanks.
You know, I'm happy for Allison.
Love conquered all.
You really believe in that, don't you? Allison became a woman, and Melanie still loved her.
Their connection transcended their physical bodies.
It's the definition of soul mates.
Yeah.
Um, Grayson There's something that I have wanted to tell you, and maybe, finally, now is the right time.
Okay.
Well, this is a little harder than I thought it was gonna be.
See, I'm not Jane! I need you, right now.
It's an emergency.
Okay.
It's kind of private.
Okay.
Yeah, no problem.
I will talk to you tomorrow.
Sure.
What are you doing? That was perfect.
I was finally gonna tell him that I'm Deb, and Which is why you showed up.
That's my job.
You can't tell anybody who you are, especially Grayson.
No, Grayson believes that love conquers all, so that means there's a chance Jane, I'm not saying that you and Grayson aren't soul mates, but he has to fall in love with you, not because you tell him you're Deb, but because he loves you as you are now.
But what if Hey Do you believe that love conquers all? I want to.
I really do.
Then if he's meant to be with you, let him fall in love with you.
I thought I'd go straight to heaven, but there was a bit of a mix-up and I woke up in someone else's body.
So now I'm Jane, a super-busy lawyer with my very own assistant.
I got a new life, a new wardrobe, and the only people who really know what's going on with me are my girlfriend Stacy and my guardian angel, fred.
I used to think everything happened for a reason Whoo! And, well, I sure hope I was right.
Mnh! It's not fair.
I dreamt I had Larry king's baby, and you get an entire dance number with thunder from down under? It was such a nice dream Until Hank the bailiff.
Who's Hank the bailiff? Remember? He's the guy that Jane dated before I became Jane.
Why was he in my sexy dream? Well, the hunky men represent the dance partners missing from your life right now, and your subconscious is telling you it is time to start dating again.
Ohh.
You're good at this.
I know.
And you need to start with Hank.
What?! No! Why can't I start with one of the thunder from down unders? I'd pick number three.
Jane No, Hank is is sweet and all, but we don't have anything.
Did you give him a real shot? Sweetie, old Jane really liked him, so maybe you owe it to her to see if there are any sparks.
Fine, I owe her.
I'll pay her back with an expensive haircut.
What if we threw a dinner party and you invited Hank? It'd be like a date with a safety net.
Oh, and I'll marinate lamb chops! I saw this great recipe in "real simple.
" You don't read "real simple.
" I do at the gyno.
It was either that or a pamphlet about the uterus.
All right, fine.
I will ask him.
Now Check this out.
Whoa! An Ellie Tannen scarf.
To wear at my meeting with Ellie Tannen.
No way! She's looking for new lawyers, and I feel that this scarf says, "I'm not a stodgy lawyer.
I'm part of your tasteful tribe.
" Hmm.
Oh, Jane, you know Ellie is a total monster.
I can handle monsters.
Remember that tic tac shoot I did with a real komodo dragon? Well, this dragon's a thrower office supplies, lattes, stilettos.
So I'll duck.
I am going to get Ellie to like me.
It's perfect.
Thank you.
Gotta go.
Oh! Um, one more thing - Ellie hates the word "no.
" So that means - I know what "no" means.
It means that if you can't do what she asks, just smile And nod and say, "it won't be a problem.
" It won't be a problem.
Hmm.
She's going to love you.
I hope! Can you believe that Angelina jolie walks this very corridor every time she comes for a fitting with Ellie? And that matters to me because Um, because Angelina could trip, sue Ellie, and if Ellie were our client, we could make a fortune on a protracted, high-profile trial.
Good thinking, Bingum.
There she is.
Mr.
Parker, Ms.
Bingum.
I'm Hugo, Ellie's executive assistant.
She's ready.
Thank you.
I need you to start without me.
Why? What's going on? I'll be right in.
I just, uh, need a moment.
We know you're interviewing other firms Chase & Funk, Marmel & Fletcher.
They're good, but Harrison & Parker has expertise in all areas of the law, areas that are of interest to your business copyright, intellectual property Hugo, is that my scarf? Yes.
What have you done to my poor scarf? Do you have some sort of head wound? No.
Um No, I-I saw it like this in the window at Bloomie's.
As I was saying Hugo, call Bloomingdale's and have them fire the window dresser.
Oh, no, no.
Ms.
Tannen, I-I am so sorry.
I was wearing your beautiful scarf exactly like you.
Um, and then I thought being matchy-matchy might make you uncomfortable.
How refreshing.
A lawyer who cares about my feelings.
Come, let's go to lunch.
I have a pressing legal matter I want to discuss.
So we're hired? Yes.
But only she's coming to eat.
I don't know.
I feel so stupid.
We never even thought to make a will.
It was a car accident.
Unfortunately, Ms.
Webb, this happens all the time.
Have you filed a claim with the probate court? Yes.
And now your in-laws are making the same claim? They want everything.
They didn't even come to their own daughter's funeral.
Your spouse was their daughter? Yes.
Melanie.
Oh.
So you and your wife had a civil union? No, Ms.
Kaswell.
When we got married, I was a man.
Please.
Can you help me? We'll do everything we can.
Waiter.
Yes, ma'am.
More, please.
That's enough.
So here's why I asked you to lunch.
My former assistant, dawn Lucas, had the audacity to write a tell-all book about me.
Wow.
Did you read it? First two chapters.
She sent it out to publishers.
Of course, there was a bidding war because of my name.
We're done.
Let me clear that, ma'am.
I'm sorry.
I just just Um, so You feel that the - the book is unflattering? She makes me out to be mean and abusive.
It's pure fiction.
Legally, we have to wait until the book is released, but then we can sue for libel.
I want you to stop the book before it's published.
That's not how it works.
Uh, the freedom of speech is the foundation of our country.
If you can't help me, I'll ask the waiter to put your salmon dijonaise in a doggie bag.
So, Jane, can you stop the publication of this book or not? It won't be a problem.
Ah, the prodigal lawyer oh.
Were you waiting for me? What? No.
I just had some business here in reception.
Mm-hmm.
What's Ellie got for us? A total dog.
She wants me to file an injunction to stop a tell-all from being published.
Which would be prior restraint, and you'd lose.
Yeah.
I know.
It's impossible.
Even the U.
S.
government couldn't use prior restraint to stop the Pentagon papers.
As justice black said, "to hold that the publication of news "may sometimes be enjoined would make a shambles of the first amendment.
" Oh.
Not to mention, I'd have a tough time arguing that a trashy book is a threat to national security.
Agreed.
So, what do I do? Well, you know what they say.
If the law's against you, bang on the facts.
If the facts are against you, bang on the law.
If both are against you, bang on the table.
That's a lot of banging.
You have a fiduciary duty to your client.
The relationship is sacred.
Especially if the client handed you a big, fat retainer.
Bang, bang.
Hey, you ready to meet our client's in-laws? I was thinking, do you really need me? You seem to have it under control.
Wow.
You're that uncomfortable around Allison that you have to remove yourself? No.
Okay, maybe a little.
I mean, I completely respect his her "Her.
" Right.
Look, the client needs an Alpha male on her team.
If you can accept Allison, then no one else should have a problem.
You see me as an Alpha male? I see you as a prop in this case.
If you're uncomfortable, keep your mouth shut.
Mr.
and Mrs.
Walters, we're very sorry for your loss, but we think we can come to a reasonable settlement.
Oh, really? Is there a price that you can put on humiliation? We couldn't send out family Christmas cards or attend family reunions you chose not to.
Do you know how much that hurt Melanie? Melanie died without children.
Therefore, without a will, the property goes to the spouse first, then to the parents and Allison is the spouse.
"Spouse.
" Please.
Not under California law.
Look, Allison isn't trying to get rich here.
She simply wants to stay in the home she shared with your daughter, keep her personal belongings everything that belonged to Melanie belongs to us.
Taking away Melanie's things won't take away what we had together.
She was everything to me.
You did this to yourself.
Hi, Stacy's voicemail.
So, I am at the courthouse, and I'm pretending to be talking to you so that I look fake-busy when I fake-bump into Hank and invite him to our date/fake dinner party.
UmOoh, there he is.
Bye.
Hank! Jane.
How are you? Uh, good, good.
It's been a while.
Yeah.
UmHow have you been lately? Oh, you know.
Shelby in arraignments got transferred, threw off everyone's schedule.
Been total chaos.
I bet.
Yeah.
So, I know that this is last minute, um, but my roommate and I are throwing a dinner party tomorrow.
Why don't you come? I'd love to.
Oh, great! Around 7:00? I can't wait.
Me too.
Okay.
Okay.
Our first challenge we have to survive their motion to dismiss.
We can go to trial Ms.
Tannen, are any of the allegations in the book true? Do you really expect to stop the publication? Have you spoken with dawn since hearing about the book? No photo ops.
No sound bites.
Just keep walking.
Parker! Hi.
I said I wanted her, not you.
Oh, I'm just here to observe silently.
Hmm.
Have you thought of a new cause of action yet? Maybe.
I'm not sure.
Dawn, how does it feel to be a hero for underappreciated assistants everywhere? What are you hoping to gain by publishing this book? I just want to tell my side of the story.
She's hoping to get rich by telling lies.
Just 'cause you're the boss doesn't mean you can treat people bad.
Ow.
"Badly.
" It's an adverb.
How can you even write a book when you don't know grammar? All right.
Let's go.
Don't believe a word she says or writes! I move to dismiss Ms.
Bingum's complaint.
No court has countenanced prior restraint in this situation.
Your honorHe's right, uh, which is why we are suing for defamation! Defamation? Yes.
The book's not even published.
The book is written by an incompetent who couldn't make a proper cup of coffee.
Quiet.
And no sunglasses in my court.
Um, take them off.
Take them off! Take them off! Um, your honor, dawn Lucas sent the first 2 chapters to 20 publishers.
As soon as any one of them read it, it was de facto published.
Publication doesn't require that the book is sitting on a shelf at Barnes & noble.
So every person in Starbucks with a laptop is a published author? Once they press "send," yes.
An unorthodox argument, but the logic is sound.
Motion to dismiss denied.
I'll see you all tomorrow.
Nice.
You might have a shot.
You too much cologne.
You smell like the back of a new York cab.
And you tomorrow, try not to whine.
It's grating.
I just got us a trial.
Really? Bragging? Suddenly, I'm nostalgic for the whining.
Charming, isn't she? Do something about her, Jane.
If her own lawyer doesn't like her, the jury's gonna hate her.
Will the witness that's ridiculous!The question? *** she was a loud chewer.
I couldn't focus with all of the noise.
I had to forbid her to eat anything crunchy or crispy.
That's it! You're in contempt.
Ellie, if you explode like that in court, you play right into their hands.
So you need to act like the questions don't bother you.
I'm waiting, counselor.
Ms.
Tannen, did you send Ms.
Lucas to nordstrom to remove a mannequin's clothing simply because it was displaying Donna Karan? Donna Karan is a glorified home-ec teacher.
Okay, really, really close.
A better response might have been, uh, "the clothes were out of season, and I was helping nordstrom stay current.
" Maybe I can help.
When I'm asked a question that pisses me off, I first smile, tilt my head to the left, and quietly think "bite me" before I answer.
I do it every time my mother asks when I'm getting married.
Okay, l-l-let's try again.
So, I'm opposing counsel, and I'm going to ask Ms.
Tannen, is it true that you refused to allow dawn Lucas to attend her grandmother's funeral? No.
I merely told dawn there was work to be done, and if she wasn't at her desk, then somebody else would do it.
So, you claim that this book is a misrepresentation.
Yes.
What about this? "Ellie took one look at my outfit "and told me it needed to be burned "and that she would set it on fire "whether I was wearing it or not.
"I went home to change outfits, and she docked my pay while I was gone.
" Do you recall this incident? I do.
You must understand that if my employees dress without taste, that reflects "badly" on me.
Why did you dock her pay? It was only fair to my employees who were at work and dressed appropriately.
Sounds reasonable.
Not the work of a "tyrant" or a "rage-a-holic" or a "spiteful witch.
" Those are my air quotes, her words.
Ms.
Tannen, why would Ms.
Lucas write such misrepresentations? People can be jealous.
They don't realize it takes talent, hard work, and great personal sacrifice to achieve what I've achieved.
When they can't cut it, they have to cut down those who do.
Allison, don't be nervous.
You won't be on the stand long.
Great.
The less I see of the Walters, the better.
I'm gonna ask you questions about your genetics more specifically, your DNA.
Since your chromosomes are still male, the court should be forced to recognize absolutely not.
I'm not a man.
I won't say that I am.
Uh, we don't mean to be offensive, but every relevant case has ruled against the transgendered person.
The DNA argument just gives us a chance to dodge that issue.
I don't care what my DNA says.
It's just a legal strategy.
Look, when I transitioned, Melanie stood by me every step of the way.
By saying I'm a man denies everything that we went through.
Please, find another way.
I was so excited.
The job was a dream come true.
I've always loved fashion.
For my 8th birthday, I asked my mom for a subscription to "vogue.
" My first day on the job, I told Ellie that story.
And what was her response? She told me to bore someone else.
Ooh.
That must have hurt.
Yes.
But I didn't want to quit.
So, to let it all out, I started a journal.
One day, a friend of mine who works in publishing read some of it and suggested I write a proposal.
So you had no malicious intent? Objection counsel's putting big legal words in his little client's mouth.
Why did you write the book? It was therapeutic.
It's sad when your dream job doesn't live up to your dreams.
Yes, it is.
My client gave me a copy of your rèsumè.
That you submitted to get the job.
I called the fashion institute, and they don't have you on record.
Oh.
I audited.
Who is Mitchell Hastings? A friend.
And he's also your literary Agent? Yes.
And Mr.
Hastings doesn't usually take on first-time authors, but you came to him with a great idea, didn't you? I have a lot of ideas.
It's time to come clean, dawn.
Didn't you pitch that you would get a job with Ellie Tannen, work for her, and then write a tell-all? No.
Really? Because your Agent called publishers before you began working for Ellie to see if there was even interest in such a book.
I don't know.
And once the publishers gave the go-ahead, isn't that when you set out to land a job with Ellie? Objection badgering.
Excuse me, your honor.
I'll ask it again in a nicer, non-badgering voice.
Isn't it true that you took this job under false pretenses, solely to write a tell-all and destroy Ellie Tannen? I, uh I Jane, Jane.
What? I feel sick.
I need a break.
Take a tums.
Dawn's about to crumble.
Please.
I feel faint.
The last few weeks have been torture.
The trial has been very draining.
Excuse me.
Excuse me.
So it is with a heavy heart that I decided to drop the case.
*** I just hope no onetors in areads that trash.
Court case.
Where are you? There is my hand.
I'm trying to get to Ellie so that I can strangle her.
You know, I've left her phone messages and e-mails, and she just won't respond.
I just don't understand what happened.
You were dumped on television.
It's just like "the bachelor," without all those gratuitous jacuzzi scenes.
Yeah, but we know why Jason dumped Melissa, and I have no idea why Ellie dumped me.
Oh! It's Hank.
Now, pull yourself together.
You've got a date.
Okay.
Fred, dinner! Hank! I brought wine.
AndA-a date.
Uh, this is my girlfriend, Jasmine.
Hi.
Come in.
I'm sorry.
Ohh! Hey, everyone, um, Hank brought wine and his girlfriend, Jasmine.
Hi.
I'll get another plate.
Come on.
So, Jasmine, what do you do? I-I'm a court reporter Oftentimes in your court.
Sorry.
Of course.
Um, you are very good at your job.
You type very fast.
Jasmine, I have a question.
Why do we need court reporters? Wouldn't it be easier to just record everything? I mean, the the technology's been with us for ages.
So, you don't think that my job is important? Um I didn't say that.
Okay.
You're an assistant.
Okay.
So I'm guessing that you spend your days making coffee, xeroxing, taking crap.
Now, that that sounds important! Mekka lekka hi, mekka hiney ho.
Oh What was that? It's pee-wee! I know you are, but what am I? I know you are, but what am I? I know you are, but what am I? I know you are, but what am I? Infinity! Okay, Hank, honey.
She knows pee-wee! Yeah, she does! Ha! He does the pee-wee thing when he gets nervous or overly excited or - or turned on.
He's so much fun.
You never told me.
Okay, who'd like more wine? Yeah, a little less for you.
"Wine"? She said the secret word! He's with me, honey.
What? Yeah.
Oh, you think I'm flirting with him.
No.
Really? 'Cause from right here, it sure looks like it.
No, no, no, you don't understand.
Jane is supposed to be flirting with Hank.
What? Why? Why? UmNever mind.
No.
No one flirts with Hank à Â-Except Hank's beautiful, Fast-typing girlfriend, Jasmine.
Oh, God.
Was was this supposed to be a date disguised as a dinner party? Oh.
See, that's my fault.
'Cause, see, Jane had this dream about Hank no, shh! Ohh.
Oh.
Okay.
Hank, we are leaving.
You had a dream about me? Now, Hank.
Okay.
Honey.
Honey! I'm so sorry.
I know you are, but what am I? Good morning.
Who says? Check out the lead story on hotstyles.
Net.
I hate that fashion blog.
You know, they claimed the gladiator sandal was dead one day after I bought my new pair.
The lead story is about Ellie.
She just announced a discount line for the everyday woman.
Ellie doesn't do discount.
Read.
Teri, cancel my morning.
I gotta go.
I thought you'd say that.
Allison, did you and Melanie file your tax returns jointly as a married couple? Yes.
Did the irs cash the checks you wrote? They most certainly did.
Was Melanie listed as your spouse on your health insurance? Yes.
Were you under a family plan with your cellphone company? Yes.
So, without question, the federal government and multinational corporations recognized you and Melanie as a married couple? They did.
Thank you.
I'd like you to read from the California family code, section 300.
"Marriage is a personal relation arising out of a civil contract between one man and one woman.
" Ms.
webb, what gender was Melanie? A woman.
And what gender are you? A woman.
Thank you.
Meh.
We can do better.
What about the Italian silk? Company.
Jane You never wanted to win this case, did you? This whole lawsuit was one giant publicity stunt.
You were fired, and I am working.
I figured it out.
See, your discount clothing line is available November 8th.
That's one week after dawn Lucas's book is released.
Really? I had no idea.
You didn't want to stop the book.
You wanted to promote it.
Hugo, shoo.
Look, moms want to wear my line, but their daughters could care less.
I'm not on the hot list for the everyday gal.
But then dawn wrote the book, and thanks to the lawsuit, I'm relevant again.
But then you started to win in the court, and it looked like the book wasn't gonna be published, so I had to pull your plug.
Wait a minute.
So, when you hired me, you didn't think I'd win.
You picked me because you thought I was a loser? Darling, I didn't need a good lawyer.
I needed someone I could push around.
And you walked in, so desperate to be liked.
Turns out, you're too good of a lawyer.
Guess I misjudged.
Anything else? No.
You've been perfectly clear.
Walk with me.
But, uh, Kim needs her apple, peeled, cored, and sliced.
I feel so stupid, fred.
You have an I.
Q.
Of 140.
I can assure you, you are not Ellie hired me because she thought I'd lose the case.
That doesn't make sense.
I got the client by being Deb, a complete pushover.
And I got fired by being Jane, smart and persistent.
This is good.
So y-you're giving Jane some props.
But you're you're underestimating Deb.
How? We both ended up here because she hit the "return" button and sent the entire universe into disarray.
Deb was not a pushover.
Well, I did have my moments.
Mm-hmm.
Yeah.
And if I don't get to Kim with her apple, she's gonna have one of hers.
Ooh! Mmm.
Wh what? She's not gonna miss one slice.
Grayson? Hey.
You only do origami when you are stressed or upset.
Wait.
How did I've noticed.
W-what's wrong? We're losing this case, and it's not right.
I've heard about your case.
I didn't realize you felt so strongly.
Well, it took me a while, but I realize it's only about one thing.
Winning the case? Ohh, it goes way beyond that.
It's about something everyone searches for but only some of us find.
Oh, like the perfect black cocktail dress.
Yes! No.
It's true love.
I know.
Yeah.
You're absolutely right.
What these two went through - and they stayed together makes you believe love can conquer all.
And nobody should be able to take that away from them.
I agree.
Grayson, in Littleton vs.
Prange, wasn't christie Littleton's marriage invalidated because she was identified as a male on her birth certificate and she couldn't marry another male? Yeah, it's not helpful.
No, actually, it might be.
Littleton held that, legally, gender is determined by which box is marked on the birth certificate, right? Yeah, but Allison won't let us argue that she's a man.
You don't have to.
Apply the logic of Littleton.
If the birth certificate is controlling, your client was legally married.
It's a win-win.
The state used a birth certificate to destroy a marriage.
You can use it to validate one.
I'll give it a shot.
Thanks, Jane.
Well anything for true love.
Yeah.
"I'm sorry" pomtini? Thanks.
Wow.
You must be really sorry.
Mm-hmm.
I have learned my lesson.
Sometimes a dream about thunder from down under and Hank the bailiff is just A dream about thunder from down under and Hank the bailiff.
You know what? You were just trying to be helpful.
I hope I didn't mess things up for Hank.
I ran into him at court.
He said it was the best night of his life.
Go, Hank.
You expecting someone? No.
Hmm.
It's Ellie.
No.
Oh, my God, I'm wearing sweats.
Don't leave me.
Ms.
Tannen.
I need to speak with you in private.
Pretend I'm not here.
O-kay.
I just need to go to my room And change out of these sweats that are so last season.
Yes, please, make yourself at home.
I've changed my mind.
I want to go back to court and stop the publication of this book.
Really? Did you have something else you wanted to promote? I'm done, Ellie.
You're on retainer.
You still work for me.
Retainer or not I have one word for you no.
Hugo got a copy of the rest of the book.
There are things I don't want the world to know, things they can't know.
Like what? Does it matter? Yeah.
If you want my help.
Jane, I'm going blind.
I have a degenerative eye disease Steingardt's syndrome.
Hugo helps me pick out the fabrics and the colors, but the concepts and designs are all mine.
I have no idea how dawn found out.
So, your your glasses let them think that I wear them to hide my thoughts.
The truth is, my eyes are painfully sensitive to light.
Okay.
If you don't help me, my career will be over.
I need you.
*** and now she wants a closed courtroom? Is this another one of your stunts? If this were a stunt, I'd be inviting TMZ into the gallery.
The information I intend to introduce is of a sensitive, personal nature.
Mr.
Resnick, this case was not officially dismissed, and I don't have a problem excusing the jury or the public.
I could use the quiet.
Your honor, at this point, we recall dawn Lucas to the stand.
Ms.
Lucas, in the final chapter of your unpublished manuscript, you reveal my client's health issues, isn't that true? Yes.
My publisher is very excited.
I'm sure.
So how did you learn about Ms.
Tannen's medical problems? Oh.
I was her assistant.
I heard things around the office.
But Ms.
Tannen never spoke of her condition at the office.
Hmm.
I would like to submit exhibit "a" release forms signed by Ms.
Tannen to obtain her private medical records.
Only the signature is not Ms.
Tannen's.
It's a forgery.
Objection no foundation.
Your honor, I have a handwriting expert ready to verify that dawn Lucas forged my client's signature.
Also, I have a receptionist from the hospital that will testify that dawn Lucas picked up those files.
If the d.
A.
Wants to prosecute for forgery, that's his decision, but as far as this case is concerned, she has not shown falsity.
Maybe so.
But public disclosure of private facts is actionable, so I'm amending my complaint.
Public disclosure doesn't apply here because Ms.
Tannen is a public figure.
She doesn't enjoy the same right to privacy as us common folk.
He's right, your honor.
Ms.
Tannen is a public figure.
And people love juicy gossip about public figures.
Totally guilty.
However, with these new chapters, dawn Lucas crossed the line.
Just because something is true does not give you the right to publish it.
Famous people, nasty people, or famously nasty people still have some rights to privacy.
Now, you can hate Ms.
Tannen, but that does not give you the right to destroy her.
There is a genuinely mean woman in this room.
But it is not my client.
Allison webb was a devoted spouse and committed partner.
Yet we're deciding whether to strip her of her rightful title to her partner's possessions.
And why? Because we don't know what to call her.
You've asked for law.
Well, the majesty of the law is that we apply its principles to everyone.
In Littleton v.
Prange, a Texas court denied christie Littleton her husband's benefits because her birth certificate listed her as male and she was married to a man.
Our point exactly, your honor.
The court held they were a same-sex couple.
Although my client is a woman, her birth certificate says "male.
" By the logic of Littleton, she qualifies under section 300 as a spouse.
That's not the ruling.
But it is the logic.
Precedent or no, it's persuasive.
Your honor, Texas law has no precedential value here.
That's for me to decide.
I'm finding for Ms.
webb.
What?! Should you appeal my decision, it's my hope you get another judge who believes it's not our job to judge whether two people can be in love.
Thank you.
There's little question, under the law, that I cannot stop the publication of Ms.
Lucas's book.
I-I'm so sorry.
So, while I'm denying injunctive relief, I do find the work does publicly disclose private facts, and, therefore, I'm awarding damages for each disclosure, $28 a book.
But the book sells for $27.
If the publisher loses a dollar a copy, why would they sell my book? My guess, they won't.
Fine.
I can write articles.
I've been offered a speaking tour.
Plenty of people will pay me for this information.
I'd be careful, if I were you.
I assume Ms.
Bingum has yet to inform the d.
A.
Of the forgery? Not yet, your honor.
But if Ms.
Lucas acts on her threats, I most certainly will.
Oh, and being the fashion expert that you are, I'm sure you know orange prison jump suits not that flattering.
That's all, people.
We're adjourned.
I can't thank you enough.
It's justBeyond.
Excuse me oh.
Mr.
Walters, can we help you? I'd like to speak with Allison.
Please.
It'll only take a minute.
Okay.
My wife and I we we never saw eye-to-eye on I wish Melanie would've known that.
I can never forgive myself for turning my back on my daughter.
Now I'll never see her again.
Thank you for making her happy.
This was my mother's.
I wanted to give it to Melanie.
But I want you to have it If you would.
I'll never take it off.
It goes with everything.
You can't just barge in here.
Well, I just did, didn't I? Jane, Ms.
Tannen to see you.
UhYou have another case for me? Please, no.
Court is so drab.
I know.
All they need to do is change the lighting.
I mean, is that so hard? Jane, I never care what people think about me.
Let them call me "mean" or "dragon lady" or "Cru-ellie de Vil.
" I was just saying.
My point is I care what you think.
Well, I think That you don't need to be so mean to sell clothes or run a fashion house.
I'm not saying be a pushover, but there is a way stop talking! See, that was a little mean.
So I can give you this.
Well, maybe not so mean.
It's gorgeous.
It's one-of-a-kind, just like Me.
Toodles.
Hey.
Congrats.
I just heard.
Oh.
Kudos to you, as well.
Well, I couldn't have done it without your help.
Here, I brought you this.
Thanks.
You know, I'm happy for Allison.
Love conquered all.
You really believe in that, don't you? Allison became a woman, and Melanie still loved her.
Their connection transcended their physical bodies.
It's the definition of soul mates.
Yeah.
Um, Grayson There's something that I have wanted to tell you, and maybe, finally, now is the right time.
Okay.
Well, this is a little harder than I thought it was gonna be.
See, I'm not Jane! I need you, right now.
It's an emergency.
Okay.
It's kind of private.
Okay.
Yeah, no problem.
I will talk to you tomorrow.
Sure.
What are you doing? That was perfect.
I was finally gonna tell him that I'm Deb, and Which is why you showed up.
That's my job.
You can't tell anybody who you are, especially Grayson.
No, Grayson believes that love conquers all, so that means there's a chance Jane, I'm not saying that you and Grayson aren't soul mates, but he has to fall in love with you, not because you tell him you're Deb, but because he loves you as you are now.
But what if Hey Do you believe that love conquers all? I want to.
I really do.
Then if he's meant to be with you, let him fall in love with you.