Drop Dead Diva s03e04 Episode Script
The Wedding
See that aspiring model there? That was me Deb.
Until the day I died.
I thought I'd go straight to Heaven, but there was a bit of a mix-up and I woke up in someone else's body.
So now I'm Jane, a super-busy lawyer with my very own assistant.
I got a new life, a new wardrobe, and the only people who really know what's going on with me are my girlfriend Stacy and my guardian angel, Fred.
I used to think everything happened for a reason Whoo! and, well, I sure hope I was right.
Wow.
They really are beautiful.
I can't believe you're picking up Grayson's wedding rings.
You're taking this best-man thing to an extreme.
Well, I'm trying to be Zen.
I'm totally at peace with this.
That is, like, Dalai Lama-level at peace with it.
Are you sure you're okay? I'm fine.
At peace.
Congratulations.
She did not just say "congratulations.
" I'm at peace with it, damn it! I don't know.
But after Grayson's accident and coma and recovery, this wedding must be what the universe wants.
Well, I believe the universe is a perpetual mystery, which is what Rihanna said when asked why she mixed Marc Jacobs with Classic Chanel.
That outfit was stunning, by the way.
So, sweetie, did I tell you that Grayson asked me to read a poem at the wedding? You're okay with that, right? Give me the bag! Oh, my God! So, you're not okay with that.
Okay, I have $20 in my wallet.
Oh God.
But I went to the dry-cleaners, so I only have 3 bucks.
But oh! Oh! Ohh! I have these awesome earrings that are actually total fakes.
I bought them on HSN.
And this watch again, total knockoff, from Venice boardwalk.
But here just please take them all.
No thanks.
"No, thanks"? Drop your weapon! Jane, what's going on? On your knees now! Ma'am, are you okay? Um, yeah.
I'm just, uh, a little shook up, but I'm fine.
Thank you.
Oh.
That's mine.
Sorry it's evidence.
Stacy, are you still there? Did you just get robbed? Are you okay? Yes and yes.
They're beautiful.
Congratulations.
Thank you.
Your Uncle Joe is gonna love my aunt Judy.
I'm telling you, my sister hates the way he snort-laughs, and now he's next to the family table.
So how about we move them both to Siberia? I love you.
Hello, handsome bride and blushing groom.
I'm still waiting on when you'll be using my wedding gift.
- What gift? - Grayson? Uh, Teri has generously offered to give us a dance lesson.
Not just a dance lesson.
I have offered to choreograph an opening extravaganza that your guests will discuss for years.
How amazing.
Thank you, Teri.
I'll book studio time for tomorrow.
And I'd rather be closer to the bar.
I know that you're not into it, but the first dance is important to me.
Well, say no more.
If it's important to you, it's important to me.
Hey, Vanessa.
Can't wait for the big day.
Thanks, Jay.
Grayson, I know your brain is busy with seating charts and ring pillows.
Wow.
But I assume you came to the office because you work here? Oh, Vanessa, no need to seat me with the wedding party.
That's right, because Kim's solo.
Oh, is Kim at that table? Here's the deal my best friend in junior high was Cole Lamburt Jr.
Cole Lamburt Sr.
just left a message with my office.
Animal control seized his pet.
And you want me to go fetch it? I want you to help out an old friend's father.
In his voicemail, he said, "they've taken Missy.
" Sounded upset.
Missy? Bastards kidnapped her right out of my own backyard corral.
They left me this citation.
Bastards! Let's try and tone down the hostility.
Sure bend over for the man.
Typical yupster.
Where is Parker? Busy, but I can handle this.
Why did they take Missy? No idea.
She's been like a member of the family for years.
I'm a retired professor.
I imported her for educational purposes and renewed her permit every year on time.
Excuse me, sir.
I already told him I can't help.
Fascist! Even if I could, I don't want to.
Cole.
I'm Grayson Kent, Mr.
Lamburt's attorney.
There must have been a mix-up.
We have Take it up with the city.
Look, sir, I'm getting married day after tomorrow.
Can you just please help me out? Sorry, man.
Can't help you.
The permit clearly states Once they're in the cage, you got to go to Municipal Courtroom 15.
- But - I got kittens to feed.
Have a nice day.
Oh, my God.
Are you okay? Are you hurt? Oh, I'm fine.
There he is.
Oh, I hope he gets a thousand years.
Can I hiss when they call his name? No.
Grayson's wedding rings are in evidence, so I'm gonna throw myself at the mercy of the court and try and get them back.
Docket 4723-G robbery in the first degree.
Uh, where's your public defender, Mr.
Geary? I don't know, your honor.
Oh, Ms.
Bingum.
Yes, your honor? The public defender isn't here, and I've got a dental appointment in an hour.
Can you step in, please? Maybe your honor isn't aware I am both the emotionally shattered victim and the key witness to the defendant's criminal act, so you see I see.
I just don't care.
For the purposes of this hearing only, would you please step in and offer his plea? Of course.
Anything to speed the wheels of justice.
And get those rings back.
You are a very bad man.
I know, and I'm really, really sorry.
Um, okay.
The public defender would advise you to plead not guilty.
If I were not the person that you robbed, that's what I would suggest.
I want to plead guilty.
What? No Speaking as an officer of the court, I strongly advise you to plead not guilty.
But I am.
Guilty! No j just a second.
This is my decision, right? Counselor! Against the advice of counsel, defendant pleads guilty.
The plea is accepted.
Sentencing to take place Tuesday at noon.
Uh, your honor, I know it's not customary to release evidence prior to sentencing, but in addition to being lawyer and witness and victim, I'm also the best man at a wedding the day after tomorrow.
My client stole the wedding rings from me.
I need them back.
And I need a week in the islands with my pool boy.
But you know how it works, Ms.
Bingum you'll get them back after sentencing.
What's the matter with you? You call yourself a lawyer? No.
Oh.
Yes, I am a lawyer.
And who are you? I'm Keith's wife.
How could you let him plead guilty? Uh It's his third strike It's okay.
No, it's not okay, Keith.
This is all your fault.
Someone join a book club? Mnh-mnh.
Grayson asked me to read a love poem during the ceremony.
This is my research.
So many options Shakespeare, Bronte, Weisberger.
Weisberger? Lauren Weisberger "The Devil Wears Prada"? Oh, she is like the modern-day Maya Angelou.
Isn't Maya Angelou the modern-day Maya Angelou? - Good morning.
- How'd you sleep? I didn't.
That robbery must have been terrifying.
I suggest a long weekend of BFD.
"Boyfriend doctor.
" It's what I'm calling Bill now.
That's catchy.
And that would be great, but I just can't stop thinking about this robbery.
Post-traumatic stress.
I've seen it on TV.
Lie down on the couch.
No, I'm not traumatized.
I'm confused.
Keith robbed me in broad daylight in the middle of Beverly Hills.
"Keith"? You're on a first-name basis with your robber? Is he, like, your Facebook friend? Robbery is definitely a good reason to de-friend.
After Keith took the rings, he practically stood there and waited for the cops to show up.
He pleaded guilty against my advice.
I went to talk to him after the arraignment.
He refused to see me.
You're still his lawyer? Till another attorney is assigned.
So as his attorney, I'm going down to lockup to find out what's really going on.
My client's permits are up to date.
There's no reason why the camel should not be returned posthaste.
Animal control simply had no right to Sorry to interrupt.
Assistant U.
S.
Attorney Jonas Blaine for the government.
We have a federal warrant here for the arrest of Mr.
Lamburt.
Excuse me? Arrest him for what? Criminal sale of a controlled substance? What substance? Raw camel's milk illegal to sell under section 458-B of the Pure Food and Drug Act.
You're coming with us.
Do something, yupster! Don't say anything to anybody.
I'll take care of it.
Get me Parker! I want Parker! I've apologized to you.
I've thanked you for your help.
Can't you just leave me alone, please? That's not really my nature.
Now, I have reviewed your case file, and something's off.
Your two prior strikes are are barely strikes at all.
Writing bad checks for $175 and $450? What's going on? The bad checks were for medicine.
My mother was sick.
She couldn't afford insurance.
She died while I was in prison two years ago.
I'm sorry.
I'm not leaving here until I get the real story.
And I will get it.
Because deep down, you want to tell me.
How do you figure that? I don't know.
I once saw a lawyer say that in a movie, and it totally worked.
I'm sick.
A couple months ago, I was doing time.
My appendix burst.
I had an operation in the prison hospital, and a week later, my eyes turned yellow.
Jaundice the first symptom of hepatitis.
Yeah.
The prison doctors put me on this interferon therapy, which, uh, kept it in check, but since I got out, I can't afford it.
I mean, therapy's like 3 grand a month.
What about insurance? No, hep-B is considered a pre-existing condition.
And I will not become a burden on my wife.
I know how difficult a chronic illness can be on someone you love.
So you figured the best solution was to commit a crime, get sent back to prison, and go back on interferon therapy.
It sounds crazy, but I'm a dead man if I don't go back.
To the same prison that gave you hepatitis? Ironic, huh? Yeah.
And it's not right.
Yeah, but what can I do about it? Well, I'm the lawyer, so it's my job to figure that out.
Really? I rob you, and you want to help me? Ironic, huh? Hey, Gene Kelly, dance lesson today.
My piece-of-cake case just got upgraded to federal court.
Can't get away to dance.
Have you seen Parker? On his way back from a mani-pedi for your wedding.
You know how he gets about his cuticles.
We don't have to go to a studio.
We could do it here.
In the office? I don't think so.
Vanessa.
Hey.
What? Oh, funny I was just discussing that with Teri.
I know.
I'm busy, too.
Teri wants to do the lesson here, but I told her that you'd love it? Of course.
Can't wait.
Is Jane in her office? Go on in, twinkle toes.
Hey.
How you doing? You heard about the rings? I heard you got robbed.
I am so sorry.
I will get them back as soon Stop.
Stop.
You're okay.
That's all that matters.
I just got messages from both of you.
Who wants to go first? Oh.
Well, thank you.
I am suing the Antelope Valley Prison, which is privately owned and run by Veticon Incorporated.
Taking on a Fortune 500.
I like it.
Cause of action? They showed negligent indifference toward a prisoner who contracted hepatitis.
Helling vs.
Mckinney provides for liability under the 8th Amendment.
Good job.
You're up.
How'd you do at the pound? His pet is a camel.
The government not only seized Missy, but arrested Cole for selling camel milk across state lines.
Whoa.
Our client is a rogue camel milker? And D.
O.
J.
posted Missy on an exotic-animal database for immediate adoption by a zoo or a wild-animal park.
Well, looks like it's time to bring in the big gun.
Me.
- Where's Cole now? - In lockup.
I'll go see him.
I want you to petition the court for an expedited hearing.
You realize I'm getting married tomorrow? Then you better hurry up.
Excuse me.
- You got a second? - Sure.
You've been back a week, and not a single client.
Hey, it takes time to make rain.
Until then, you can be Jane's second chair.
Parker, I Look, Kim, if you're gonna yell at me for assigning you to be Jane's second chair Thank you.
Okay.
For what? I was worried that it might be awkward around here after we broke up, but by assigning me to work with Jane, my least-favorite attorney at the firm or on Earth you're my pain-in-the-ass boss again.
So, if your pain-in-the-ass boss ordered you to have lunch with him? I'd say, "I'm busy working with Jane.
" Right.
Hey.
They had your favorite salad.
Oh, Freddy, I'm so upset.
Oh! Ah, damn it! Mushrooms.
I'm sorry.
Here you can have my club sandwich.
No not lunch.
Grayson called.
I don't get to choose the poem.
He wants me to read Vanessa's favorite Oscar Wilde's "We are made one with what we touch and see.
" - Sounds lovely.
- It's cursed.
Cursed? I've read it at two different weddings.
Both marriages have lasted less than a year.
I'm sure that's just a coincidence.
No, but I do not want to be the one responsible for Grayson and Vanessa splitting up.
You think I sound crazy.
Crazy beautiful.
Thank you.
But I believe that there are mysterious forces at play in the Universe that affect things here on Earth.
What kind of things? The winds, the tides the MTV Movie Awards.
Um Well, if you feel that strongly, you should talk to Vanessa explain the Universe.
But remember she's a lawyer, so you have to use lawyerly logic to present your case against the poem.
So I need to convince a bride on the day before her wedding not to use her favorite poem on the most important day of her life.
You have an excellent grasp of the situation.
Yeah.
Your lawsuit is ridiculous.
We supported the deputy parole commissioner's decision to release Keith early because he's sick.
Now you're suing my client for his medical care? We have copies of Mr.
Geary's blood work prior to his entering Veticon's prison facility.
He was hep-negative.
Two years into his sentence, he turned hep-positive.
Res ipsa loquitur.
Your prison infirmary gave him the disease.
How do you intend to prove that? Seven days after his appendectomy, he became jaundiced.
Jaundice is a common symptom that occurs within a month of exposure to the virus.
There are numerous ways an inmate can contract that disease.
Hep-B is contracted through blood.
Our client didn't have sex, get a tattoo, participate in any knife fights.
You made me sick.
The prison hospital is accredited, clean, and efficient.
I've filed a motion to subpoena all patient files from the prison's hospital from the past five years to determine a pattern of deliberate indifference.
Ms.
Bingum, my corporation owns 17 prisons, and we provide security services around the globe.
With the amount of oversight in our business, we would not be where we are today if we didn't play by the rules.
Now, if you'll excuse me Uh, we're not finished here.
I am.
I have a stockholders presentation to prepare.
We're giving you a chance to be reasonable and settle with our client.
If not, we'll find the smoking gun, and we'll blow this into a class action if we have to.
- Do shareholders like that? - Hmnh-mnh.
No, shareholders don't like that.
Are you threatening me? If that's how you see it.
I'll have the hospital records delivered to your office.
We don't have anything to hide.
All I see is two lawyers without a case.
Does Parker know you took apart his office? Yeah.
I told him it was Kim's idea.
Plus, he's out for the rest of the day.
Grayson, this is my dance partner, Louis van Amstel.
Nice to meet you, Grayson.
We thought that you and Vanessa could just mirror our moves.
Where is she? Uh, stuck in a final wedding-dress fitting.
So I was thinking we'll just Do a private dance lesson with you.
Come on.
Man up, Grayson.
I won't bite unless you ask me to.
Okay.
And 1 and 2.
And 1 and 2.
And 1 and 2.
Okay, don't look at my feet.
Look at my face.
Well, you're moving too fast.
Well, that's the tempo.
Okay, just 1 and 2 and 1 and 2 All right, I need a break! Okay.
Why don't you just watch me and Louis? Louis, front and center.
Grayson, music.
And I'm organizing an inmate sit-in if conditions don't improve.
All right, don't cause trouble.
I don't cause trouble.
I act against injustice.
Or don't you remember? How could I forget? Toughest dad on the block.
So, according to the charges, you've been bottling camel milk and selling it on the Internet.
Camel milk is chock-full of vitamins and fatty acids that help cancer patients, autistic children, diabetics.
Then why hasn't the USDA legalized it? They're not gonna legalize camel milk until it's been properly tested.
But there is no test.
Which is the roadblock.
Oh, you're catching on.
There is, of course, the Dubai connection.
- Dubai? - Mm-hmm.
Our government allows the importation of camel-milk products from Dubai.
There's this milk-chocolate bar that's made with camel's milk They can't keep them on the shelves.
So if camel milk isn't okay, they why should our government allow the importation of camel-milk products from other countries? Mr.
Lamburt.
Yupster.
I got bad news.
There's a zoo in Minneapolis adopting Missy.
She's scheduled to leave LA tomorrow night.
No.
No, Missy is a California girl.
She'll never survive a Minnesota winter.
Uh, what about your petition? The court consolidated the charges.
We're up first thing tomorrow.
- There you go.
Thank you.
- Thanks.
Oh.
Vanessa.
Oh.
Stacy.
Hi.
- Hi.
- Hi.
I am so looking forward to the big day.
Oh, thank you.
Uh, what are you doing here? It's about that poem I'm reading.
Oscar Wilde.
Mm.
Takes my breath away.
Which might be a problem.
I don't follow.
Oh, you will, because I'm about to be extremely logical.
Okay, here it goes.
Oscar's bad mojo.
Bad mojo? "We shall be notes in that great symphony" "Whose cadence circles through the rhythmic spheres," "And all the live world's throbbing heart" "Shall be one with our heart.
" Wow, right? - Right.
- Wrong.
- Wrong? - We all know why people cry at weddings.
Yeah, because they're so happy.
No, they're miserable because they haven't found their one perfect soul mate.
I see.
With that poem, you rub their faces in their wretched, lonely lives.
I never thought of it like that.
You're welcome.
But I still love that poem.
And we're gonna have an open bar at the reception, so the wretched and lonely will be just fine.
Thank you for your concern, though.
Ohhh, anytime.
How's it going? Well, I've got four paper cuts and no smoking gun.
You? Working to liberate a misunderstood camel and her owner.
And getting married in less than 24 hours.
Yes.
Are you nervous? Well, not about the wedding, but the first dance that's a different story.
Well, you'll be great.
Just count the beats out loud if you need to.
What? Deb used to count for me.
She'd use this silly Russian accent.
I'd relax, and And suddenly, you could move to the beat.
Yeah.
Zen maybe I can help.
You're not serious.
So what do you say? You ready? No.
You can do this.
Ohh! Yes, you are a strong man.
Like bull.
Now all we need is some music.
- I'm dancing.
- Uh-huh.
Oh.
Um just in time.
He is all yours.
Hey.
All right, watch this.
All right.
You ready? Yeah.
Thank you.
Hey, somebody call for a BFD? Ohh.
You've been talking to Stacy.
Guilty, but I also got your text message.
You said it was an emergency.
Some of us still make house calls, you know.
I did not say "emergency.
" All right, well, maybe I was just looking for an excuse to see you.
But if my receptionist calls, I'm performing your craniotomy.
Okay.
Oh.
I got you something.
- A gift? - Yeah.
At the the wedding, I am going to be wearing midnight navy with a kiss of moonlight.
And I thought it might be nice to coordinate.
Well, I'm not sure what that means, but, uh, I like the word "kiss.
" Thank you.
Sure.
Why are you looking at patient files? These are from the prison hospital that infected my client with hepatitis B.
- Yikes.
What are we looking for? - "We"? Yeah, I always thought it'd be fun to play lawyer.
Oh, really? 'Cause I'd rather play doctor.
Okay.
So no, I have to work.
Must work.
Um I have to prove that the hospital is responsible for the hepatitis.
So I was looking for a cluster of infections, but no such luck.
And what's up with the two piles? "Terminal" refers to terminally ill patients that are still in prison, and "C.
E.
R.
" is "compassionate early release.
" It's a program where sick prisoners are paroled early.
Brain cancer, emphysema with ventilator.
Brutal.
Yeah, these will probably die in jail.
Advanced diabetes, stage-3 bladder cancer.
Huh.
I know that "Huh.
" I've said that "Huh.
" What are you thinking? These patients that remain in prison they have terminal diseases, but there isn't anything medically that can be done to help them.
The men in this pile have expensive diseases that would require extensive treatment.
Oh, my God.
The prison is using this "compassionate early release" program to get rid of its expensive patients in order to save money.
It's a theory.
BFD, you just found my smoking gun.
Your honor, Mr.
Lamburt should have never been arrested.
He sold a fresh, natural drink to customers who sought out the beverage.
Or, to put it another way, Mr.
Lamburt violated section 458-B of the Pure Food and Drug Act.
He was acting on behalf of the greater good.
This law was created to protect the public from the distribution of dangerous foods.
My apologies for the interruption, your Honor, but I happen to have 8 ounces of fresh, raw camel milk and a sworn affidavit by the animal control officer who witnessed missy being milked Are you submitting the camel-milk sample - as evidence? - No, your honor.
But if it posed a true danger to the American people, then why would my brilliant associate on the partner fast track be so willing to drink this glass just hours before he's scheduled to walk down the aisle to be married? Um objection.
Sustained.
That stunt is beneath the dignity of this courtroom.
Not to mention it's absurd.
Which is our point.
We're meeting absurdity with absurdity.
I won't set aside federal policies for the Chugalug defense.
I'm ruling in favor of Your Honor, one more moment of the court's time, please.
The American Jobs Creation Act, H.
R.
4520, encourages domestic production to create jobs.
Now, I find it absurd that the hopes and dreams of a small American businessman like Cole Lamburt are to be crushed today but foreign entrepreneurs are free to import camel-milk products into the U.
S.
- Is that true? - Yes, your honor.
Right here, I have a camel-milk chocolate bar from Dubai.
I bought it at the local health-food store down the street.
You cannot uphold a minor federal policy prohibiting the sale of camel milk and in the same breath deny the greater federal goal of creating jobs that benefit our country.
We urge you to drop the charges and return Mr.
Lamburt's pet.
There is a truck scheduled to leave tonight to transport his camel across the country.
I understand the urgency.
I'll rule within the hour.
How's it going? Data shows that every prisoner released through C.
E.
R.
has an expensive-to-treat illness, but Veticon doesn't decide which prisoners get released early.
No, that's the deputy parole commissioner's job, so we have to link him to Veticon.
Not so easy.
The current deputy parole commissioner started as a corrections officer in Dallas.
He worked in four different prisons.
None of them were owned by Veticon.
I can't find a link.
How's it going, Jane? And my platonic employee? Just fine, boss.
Ladies.
What was that? Nothing.
Okay.
'Cause it sounded like you were both trying to reinforce your non-dating status in a flirtatious manner.
Whatever.
Wait.
Who is the deputy parole commissioner's boss? Who does he report to? The D.
P.
C.
is appointed by the sheriff.
And the sheriff was elected in 2007 the year the "compassionate early release" program was introduced.
It's not enough to prove undue influence or even a link to Veticon.
No, but it's a start.
Ms.
Bingum.
Welcome.
Come meet my stockholders.
We need to talk.
Now is not the time.
The deputy parole commissioner, who determines which inmates get released early, reports to the Antelope Valley Sheriff.
Is this a civics lesson? I dug into the sheriff's background.
Turns out, five years before he was elected, he was C.
F.
O.
of Veticon.
And Veticon was one of his biggest campaign contributors.
Bet you know where I'm going with this.
My doctor friend did the math.
The "compassionate early release" program saves the prison approximately $1 million a year.
I'm assuming the sheriff's on your payroll.
So now I am, too.
What do you want? A hundred thou to keep my mouth shut.
You'll be paid as an off-book consultant.
I'll be in touch.
That enough to indict? You bet.
We got it? We got it.
Okay.
After careful consideration, I've decided to release Mr.
Lamburt, who will serve 500 hours of community service.
Mr.
Lamburt, your release is conditioned on the agreement that you not sell a single drop of camel's milk until the USDA-approved test is officially available.
When might that happen the 12th of Never? I I apologize, your honor.
To that end, I strongly suggest the USDA develop and release a test without delay.
If that test is not available within six months, I suggest Mr.
Lamburt file a suit of due process.
I do not look favorably on undue delay.
Mr.
Lamburt's camel, your honor? She is to be released to Mr.
Lamburt immediately.
Yes! Yes! You wonderful yupster bastard.
You did it.
You're welcome.
Now, if you'll both excuse me, I got to go get married.
- Hey.
- Good luck.
After undercover investigation, the D.
A.
's office has confirmed a link between the Antelope Valley Sheriff's Department, the deputy parole commissioner, and Veticon Incorporated involving the early release of seriously ill inmates.
Five other states have now launched similar investigations into other Veticon-owned prisons.
The charges will include bribing a public official, fraud, and racketeering.
Back to you.
Congratulations.
Thank you.
Oh.
You're talking about the rings.
Actually, I'm just the best man woman.
Whatever.
Oh, I'm so late.
Thanks.
Keith.
Hi.
I was just coming to see you.
They released me.
I know.
The D.
A.
dropped the charges.
Keith.
Oh, hey, baby.
Thank you, Ms.
Bingum.
I'm so sorry about before.
I understand.
Jane, I'm in the same place where I started.
I I can't afford the therapy.
Veticon can and will.
I just spoke to their lawyer, and they have agreed to pay for your interferon therapy as part of a very generous settlement.
Oh, my God! I I don't know what to say.
Well, I guess you robbed the right woman.
Don't ever do that again.
Yes, ma'am.
Okay, I have to go.
Oh.
You will not believe the day I had.
I drank camel milk.
You win.
Um, don't worry.
Brides like to make a dramatic entrance.
Yeah.
Oh, God.
Sorry.
I'm sorry.
So rude.
I need you to read your poem now.
Now? And slowly.
Excuse me.
Um, I have been asked to read my poem now.
It's by Oscar Wilde.
"We are resolved" "Into the supreme air" Vanessa? What's going on? I can't marry Grayson.
What? Okay, um, I'm sure that this is is just cold feet, Vanessa.
It's perfectly normal.
When you and Grayson were dancing Oh, no.
It it w wasn't No, no.
I know.
I know.
I I relax.
I'm just I'm not making any sense.
Okay, I I'm confused.
I It's just that you two were so effortless and natural.
And it's never been like that for me with him.
But he loves you.
You're going to break his heart.
Maybe so.
But I can't help feeling like some kind of consolation prize.
Wait.
Is this all because of Deb? Honestly, I don't I don't know.
I'm just painfully aware that there is something missing in our relationship, and every day, I wake up hoping that things will be different.
But I deserve more.
And maybe he doesn't know it but he does, too.
Well, Grayson will be devastated.
I'm sorry.
Jane, if you were in my shoes, would you marry Grayson? In a heartbeat.
What? He deserves it face to face.
So if you ever cared anything about No.
No, I'm not that brave.
Goodbye, Jane.
"And all the live world's throbbing heart" "Shall be one with our hearts.
" "The stealthy creeping years have lost their terrors now.
" "We shall not die.
" "The universe itself shall be our immortality.
" What is going on? S she said what?! I'm sorry.
Excuse me, ladies and gentlemen.
I have some sad news.
There won't be a wedding today.
I'm sorry.
Um, uh, folks so many of you have traveled long distances to be here.
Please stay.
Uh, eat, drink.
It's paid for.
I'll take "awkward social gatherings" for $200.
Great band.
Bride's favorite.
We could dance.
Has anyone seen Grayson? I saw him walking towards the lobby like 20 minutes ago.
Would you excuse me? Yeah, sure.
Again.
But my fiancée stood me up.
You've made that very clear.
You're cutting me off? Sorry, sir.
Then I will sue you.
I will sue you for excessive emotional distress of the emotionally distressed.
Easy, counselor.
- Jane! - Hi.
He cut me off! Thank you.
No problem.
You're taking his side? You're fired.
I am gonna find another lawyer, one who where are my keys? With the valet.
Ugh! Damn.
Here.
Why don't I help you to your room? I don't need your help.
I'd like that very much.
Okay.
Here you go.
I am never falling in love again.
Never say "never.
" Well, I fell in love with Deb.
I lost her.
Fell in love with Vanessa.
I lost her.
Now, see, that that was just that's just two strikes, so Oop! you just need to keep on swinging.
Nope.
I am done.
D-O-Ern.
Oh! You are a hall-of-fame best man.
Thank you.
The only person I can rely on.
What happened with Vanessa it just happened.
But maybe it was for a reason.
You know? Mm-hmm.
And you will fall in love again.
Because you deserve it.
And maybe you'll find it sooner than you think.
Good night, Grayson.
Grayson.
Grayson? Grayson, I'm stuck under your arm.
Until the day I died.
I thought I'd go straight to Heaven, but there was a bit of a mix-up and I woke up in someone else's body.
So now I'm Jane, a super-busy lawyer with my very own assistant.
I got a new life, a new wardrobe, and the only people who really know what's going on with me are my girlfriend Stacy and my guardian angel, Fred.
I used to think everything happened for a reason Whoo! and, well, I sure hope I was right.
Wow.
They really are beautiful.
I can't believe you're picking up Grayson's wedding rings.
You're taking this best-man thing to an extreme.
Well, I'm trying to be Zen.
I'm totally at peace with this.
That is, like, Dalai Lama-level at peace with it.
Are you sure you're okay? I'm fine.
At peace.
Congratulations.
She did not just say "congratulations.
" I'm at peace with it, damn it! I don't know.
But after Grayson's accident and coma and recovery, this wedding must be what the universe wants.
Well, I believe the universe is a perpetual mystery, which is what Rihanna said when asked why she mixed Marc Jacobs with Classic Chanel.
That outfit was stunning, by the way.
So, sweetie, did I tell you that Grayson asked me to read a poem at the wedding? You're okay with that, right? Give me the bag! Oh, my God! So, you're not okay with that.
Okay, I have $20 in my wallet.
Oh God.
But I went to the dry-cleaners, so I only have 3 bucks.
But oh! Oh! Ohh! I have these awesome earrings that are actually total fakes.
I bought them on HSN.
And this watch again, total knockoff, from Venice boardwalk.
But here just please take them all.
No thanks.
"No, thanks"? Drop your weapon! Jane, what's going on? On your knees now! Ma'am, are you okay? Um, yeah.
I'm just, uh, a little shook up, but I'm fine.
Thank you.
Oh.
That's mine.
Sorry it's evidence.
Stacy, are you still there? Did you just get robbed? Are you okay? Yes and yes.
They're beautiful.
Congratulations.
Thank you.
Your Uncle Joe is gonna love my aunt Judy.
I'm telling you, my sister hates the way he snort-laughs, and now he's next to the family table.
So how about we move them both to Siberia? I love you.
Hello, handsome bride and blushing groom.
I'm still waiting on when you'll be using my wedding gift.
- What gift? - Grayson? Uh, Teri has generously offered to give us a dance lesson.
Not just a dance lesson.
I have offered to choreograph an opening extravaganza that your guests will discuss for years.
How amazing.
Thank you, Teri.
I'll book studio time for tomorrow.
And I'd rather be closer to the bar.
I know that you're not into it, but the first dance is important to me.
Well, say no more.
If it's important to you, it's important to me.
Hey, Vanessa.
Can't wait for the big day.
Thanks, Jay.
Grayson, I know your brain is busy with seating charts and ring pillows.
Wow.
But I assume you came to the office because you work here? Oh, Vanessa, no need to seat me with the wedding party.
That's right, because Kim's solo.
Oh, is Kim at that table? Here's the deal my best friend in junior high was Cole Lamburt Jr.
Cole Lamburt Sr.
just left a message with my office.
Animal control seized his pet.
And you want me to go fetch it? I want you to help out an old friend's father.
In his voicemail, he said, "they've taken Missy.
" Sounded upset.
Missy? Bastards kidnapped her right out of my own backyard corral.
They left me this citation.
Bastards! Let's try and tone down the hostility.
Sure bend over for the man.
Typical yupster.
Where is Parker? Busy, but I can handle this.
Why did they take Missy? No idea.
She's been like a member of the family for years.
I'm a retired professor.
I imported her for educational purposes and renewed her permit every year on time.
Excuse me, sir.
I already told him I can't help.
Fascist! Even if I could, I don't want to.
Cole.
I'm Grayson Kent, Mr.
Lamburt's attorney.
There must have been a mix-up.
We have Take it up with the city.
Look, sir, I'm getting married day after tomorrow.
Can you just please help me out? Sorry, man.
Can't help you.
The permit clearly states Once they're in the cage, you got to go to Municipal Courtroom 15.
- But - I got kittens to feed.
Have a nice day.
Oh, my God.
Are you okay? Are you hurt? Oh, I'm fine.
There he is.
Oh, I hope he gets a thousand years.
Can I hiss when they call his name? No.
Grayson's wedding rings are in evidence, so I'm gonna throw myself at the mercy of the court and try and get them back.
Docket 4723-G robbery in the first degree.
Uh, where's your public defender, Mr.
Geary? I don't know, your honor.
Oh, Ms.
Bingum.
Yes, your honor? The public defender isn't here, and I've got a dental appointment in an hour.
Can you step in, please? Maybe your honor isn't aware I am both the emotionally shattered victim and the key witness to the defendant's criminal act, so you see I see.
I just don't care.
For the purposes of this hearing only, would you please step in and offer his plea? Of course.
Anything to speed the wheels of justice.
And get those rings back.
You are a very bad man.
I know, and I'm really, really sorry.
Um, okay.
The public defender would advise you to plead not guilty.
If I were not the person that you robbed, that's what I would suggest.
I want to plead guilty.
What? No Speaking as an officer of the court, I strongly advise you to plead not guilty.
But I am.
Guilty! No j just a second.
This is my decision, right? Counselor! Against the advice of counsel, defendant pleads guilty.
The plea is accepted.
Sentencing to take place Tuesday at noon.
Uh, your honor, I know it's not customary to release evidence prior to sentencing, but in addition to being lawyer and witness and victim, I'm also the best man at a wedding the day after tomorrow.
My client stole the wedding rings from me.
I need them back.
And I need a week in the islands with my pool boy.
But you know how it works, Ms.
Bingum you'll get them back after sentencing.
What's the matter with you? You call yourself a lawyer? No.
Oh.
Yes, I am a lawyer.
And who are you? I'm Keith's wife.
How could you let him plead guilty? Uh It's his third strike It's okay.
No, it's not okay, Keith.
This is all your fault.
Someone join a book club? Mnh-mnh.
Grayson asked me to read a love poem during the ceremony.
This is my research.
So many options Shakespeare, Bronte, Weisberger.
Weisberger? Lauren Weisberger "The Devil Wears Prada"? Oh, she is like the modern-day Maya Angelou.
Isn't Maya Angelou the modern-day Maya Angelou? - Good morning.
- How'd you sleep? I didn't.
That robbery must have been terrifying.
I suggest a long weekend of BFD.
"Boyfriend doctor.
" It's what I'm calling Bill now.
That's catchy.
And that would be great, but I just can't stop thinking about this robbery.
Post-traumatic stress.
I've seen it on TV.
Lie down on the couch.
No, I'm not traumatized.
I'm confused.
Keith robbed me in broad daylight in the middle of Beverly Hills.
"Keith"? You're on a first-name basis with your robber? Is he, like, your Facebook friend? Robbery is definitely a good reason to de-friend.
After Keith took the rings, he practically stood there and waited for the cops to show up.
He pleaded guilty against my advice.
I went to talk to him after the arraignment.
He refused to see me.
You're still his lawyer? Till another attorney is assigned.
So as his attorney, I'm going down to lockup to find out what's really going on.
My client's permits are up to date.
There's no reason why the camel should not be returned posthaste.
Animal control simply had no right to Sorry to interrupt.
Assistant U.
S.
Attorney Jonas Blaine for the government.
We have a federal warrant here for the arrest of Mr.
Lamburt.
Excuse me? Arrest him for what? Criminal sale of a controlled substance? What substance? Raw camel's milk illegal to sell under section 458-B of the Pure Food and Drug Act.
You're coming with us.
Do something, yupster! Don't say anything to anybody.
I'll take care of it.
Get me Parker! I want Parker! I've apologized to you.
I've thanked you for your help.
Can't you just leave me alone, please? That's not really my nature.
Now, I have reviewed your case file, and something's off.
Your two prior strikes are are barely strikes at all.
Writing bad checks for $175 and $450? What's going on? The bad checks were for medicine.
My mother was sick.
She couldn't afford insurance.
She died while I was in prison two years ago.
I'm sorry.
I'm not leaving here until I get the real story.
And I will get it.
Because deep down, you want to tell me.
How do you figure that? I don't know.
I once saw a lawyer say that in a movie, and it totally worked.
I'm sick.
A couple months ago, I was doing time.
My appendix burst.
I had an operation in the prison hospital, and a week later, my eyes turned yellow.
Jaundice the first symptom of hepatitis.
Yeah.
The prison doctors put me on this interferon therapy, which, uh, kept it in check, but since I got out, I can't afford it.
I mean, therapy's like 3 grand a month.
What about insurance? No, hep-B is considered a pre-existing condition.
And I will not become a burden on my wife.
I know how difficult a chronic illness can be on someone you love.
So you figured the best solution was to commit a crime, get sent back to prison, and go back on interferon therapy.
It sounds crazy, but I'm a dead man if I don't go back.
To the same prison that gave you hepatitis? Ironic, huh? Yeah.
And it's not right.
Yeah, but what can I do about it? Well, I'm the lawyer, so it's my job to figure that out.
Really? I rob you, and you want to help me? Ironic, huh? Hey, Gene Kelly, dance lesson today.
My piece-of-cake case just got upgraded to federal court.
Can't get away to dance.
Have you seen Parker? On his way back from a mani-pedi for your wedding.
You know how he gets about his cuticles.
We don't have to go to a studio.
We could do it here.
In the office? I don't think so.
Vanessa.
Hey.
What? Oh, funny I was just discussing that with Teri.
I know.
I'm busy, too.
Teri wants to do the lesson here, but I told her that you'd love it? Of course.
Can't wait.
Is Jane in her office? Go on in, twinkle toes.
Hey.
How you doing? You heard about the rings? I heard you got robbed.
I am so sorry.
I will get them back as soon Stop.
Stop.
You're okay.
That's all that matters.
I just got messages from both of you.
Who wants to go first? Oh.
Well, thank you.
I am suing the Antelope Valley Prison, which is privately owned and run by Veticon Incorporated.
Taking on a Fortune 500.
I like it.
Cause of action? They showed negligent indifference toward a prisoner who contracted hepatitis.
Helling vs.
Mckinney provides for liability under the 8th Amendment.
Good job.
You're up.
How'd you do at the pound? His pet is a camel.
The government not only seized Missy, but arrested Cole for selling camel milk across state lines.
Whoa.
Our client is a rogue camel milker? And D.
O.
J.
posted Missy on an exotic-animal database for immediate adoption by a zoo or a wild-animal park.
Well, looks like it's time to bring in the big gun.
Me.
- Where's Cole now? - In lockup.
I'll go see him.
I want you to petition the court for an expedited hearing.
You realize I'm getting married tomorrow? Then you better hurry up.
Excuse me.
- You got a second? - Sure.
You've been back a week, and not a single client.
Hey, it takes time to make rain.
Until then, you can be Jane's second chair.
Parker, I Look, Kim, if you're gonna yell at me for assigning you to be Jane's second chair Thank you.
Okay.
For what? I was worried that it might be awkward around here after we broke up, but by assigning me to work with Jane, my least-favorite attorney at the firm or on Earth you're my pain-in-the-ass boss again.
So, if your pain-in-the-ass boss ordered you to have lunch with him? I'd say, "I'm busy working with Jane.
" Right.
Hey.
They had your favorite salad.
Oh, Freddy, I'm so upset.
Oh! Ah, damn it! Mushrooms.
I'm sorry.
Here you can have my club sandwich.
No not lunch.
Grayson called.
I don't get to choose the poem.
He wants me to read Vanessa's favorite Oscar Wilde's "We are made one with what we touch and see.
" - Sounds lovely.
- It's cursed.
Cursed? I've read it at two different weddings.
Both marriages have lasted less than a year.
I'm sure that's just a coincidence.
No, but I do not want to be the one responsible for Grayson and Vanessa splitting up.
You think I sound crazy.
Crazy beautiful.
Thank you.
But I believe that there are mysterious forces at play in the Universe that affect things here on Earth.
What kind of things? The winds, the tides the MTV Movie Awards.
Um Well, if you feel that strongly, you should talk to Vanessa explain the Universe.
But remember she's a lawyer, so you have to use lawyerly logic to present your case against the poem.
So I need to convince a bride on the day before her wedding not to use her favorite poem on the most important day of her life.
You have an excellent grasp of the situation.
Yeah.
Your lawsuit is ridiculous.
We supported the deputy parole commissioner's decision to release Keith early because he's sick.
Now you're suing my client for his medical care? We have copies of Mr.
Geary's blood work prior to his entering Veticon's prison facility.
He was hep-negative.
Two years into his sentence, he turned hep-positive.
Res ipsa loquitur.
Your prison infirmary gave him the disease.
How do you intend to prove that? Seven days after his appendectomy, he became jaundiced.
Jaundice is a common symptom that occurs within a month of exposure to the virus.
There are numerous ways an inmate can contract that disease.
Hep-B is contracted through blood.
Our client didn't have sex, get a tattoo, participate in any knife fights.
You made me sick.
The prison hospital is accredited, clean, and efficient.
I've filed a motion to subpoena all patient files from the prison's hospital from the past five years to determine a pattern of deliberate indifference.
Ms.
Bingum, my corporation owns 17 prisons, and we provide security services around the globe.
With the amount of oversight in our business, we would not be where we are today if we didn't play by the rules.
Now, if you'll excuse me Uh, we're not finished here.
I am.
I have a stockholders presentation to prepare.
We're giving you a chance to be reasonable and settle with our client.
If not, we'll find the smoking gun, and we'll blow this into a class action if we have to.
- Do shareholders like that? - Hmnh-mnh.
No, shareholders don't like that.
Are you threatening me? If that's how you see it.
I'll have the hospital records delivered to your office.
We don't have anything to hide.
All I see is two lawyers without a case.
Does Parker know you took apart his office? Yeah.
I told him it was Kim's idea.
Plus, he's out for the rest of the day.
Grayson, this is my dance partner, Louis van Amstel.
Nice to meet you, Grayson.
We thought that you and Vanessa could just mirror our moves.
Where is she? Uh, stuck in a final wedding-dress fitting.
So I was thinking we'll just Do a private dance lesson with you.
Come on.
Man up, Grayson.
I won't bite unless you ask me to.
Okay.
And 1 and 2.
And 1 and 2.
And 1 and 2.
Okay, don't look at my feet.
Look at my face.
Well, you're moving too fast.
Well, that's the tempo.
Okay, just 1 and 2 and 1 and 2 All right, I need a break! Okay.
Why don't you just watch me and Louis? Louis, front and center.
Grayson, music.
And I'm organizing an inmate sit-in if conditions don't improve.
All right, don't cause trouble.
I don't cause trouble.
I act against injustice.
Or don't you remember? How could I forget? Toughest dad on the block.
So, according to the charges, you've been bottling camel milk and selling it on the Internet.
Camel milk is chock-full of vitamins and fatty acids that help cancer patients, autistic children, diabetics.
Then why hasn't the USDA legalized it? They're not gonna legalize camel milk until it's been properly tested.
But there is no test.
Which is the roadblock.
Oh, you're catching on.
There is, of course, the Dubai connection.
- Dubai? - Mm-hmm.
Our government allows the importation of camel-milk products from Dubai.
There's this milk-chocolate bar that's made with camel's milk They can't keep them on the shelves.
So if camel milk isn't okay, they why should our government allow the importation of camel-milk products from other countries? Mr.
Lamburt.
Yupster.
I got bad news.
There's a zoo in Minneapolis adopting Missy.
She's scheduled to leave LA tomorrow night.
No.
No, Missy is a California girl.
She'll never survive a Minnesota winter.
Uh, what about your petition? The court consolidated the charges.
We're up first thing tomorrow.
- There you go.
Thank you.
- Thanks.
Oh.
Vanessa.
Oh.
Stacy.
Hi.
- Hi.
- Hi.
I am so looking forward to the big day.
Oh, thank you.
Uh, what are you doing here? It's about that poem I'm reading.
Oscar Wilde.
Mm.
Takes my breath away.
Which might be a problem.
I don't follow.
Oh, you will, because I'm about to be extremely logical.
Okay, here it goes.
Oscar's bad mojo.
Bad mojo? "We shall be notes in that great symphony" "Whose cadence circles through the rhythmic spheres," "And all the live world's throbbing heart" "Shall be one with our heart.
" Wow, right? - Right.
- Wrong.
- Wrong? - We all know why people cry at weddings.
Yeah, because they're so happy.
No, they're miserable because they haven't found their one perfect soul mate.
I see.
With that poem, you rub their faces in their wretched, lonely lives.
I never thought of it like that.
You're welcome.
But I still love that poem.
And we're gonna have an open bar at the reception, so the wretched and lonely will be just fine.
Thank you for your concern, though.
Ohhh, anytime.
How's it going? Well, I've got four paper cuts and no smoking gun.
You? Working to liberate a misunderstood camel and her owner.
And getting married in less than 24 hours.
Yes.
Are you nervous? Well, not about the wedding, but the first dance that's a different story.
Well, you'll be great.
Just count the beats out loud if you need to.
What? Deb used to count for me.
She'd use this silly Russian accent.
I'd relax, and And suddenly, you could move to the beat.
Yeah.
Zen maybe I can help.
You're not serious.
So what do you say? You ready? No.
You can do this.
Ohh! Yes, you are a strong man.
Like bull.
Now all we need is some music.
- I'm dancing.
- Uh-huh.
Oh.
Um just in time.
He is all yours.
Hey.
All right, watch this.
All right.
You ready? Yeah.
Thank you.
Hey, somebody call for a BFD? Ohh.
You've been talking to Stacy.
Guilty, but I also got your text message.
You said it was an emergency.
Some of us still make house calls, you know.
I did not say "emergency.
" All right, well, maybe I was just looking for an excuse to see you.
But if my receptionist calls, I'm performing your craniotomy.
Okay.
Oh.
I got you something.
- A gift? - Yeah.
At the the wedding, I am going to be wearing midnight navy with a kiss of moonlight.
And I thought it might be nice to coordinate.
Well, I'm not sure what that means, but, uh, I like the word "kiss.
" Thank you.
Sure.
Why are you looking at patient files? These are from the prison hospital that infected my client with hepatitis B.
- Yikes.
What are we looking for? - "We"? Yeah, I always thought it'd be fun to play lawyer.
Oh, really? 'Cause I'd rather play doctor.
Okay.
So no, I have to work.
Must work.
Um I have to prove that the hospital is responsible for the hepatitis.
So I was looking for a cluster of infections, but no such luck.
And what's up with the two piles? "Terminal" refers to terminally ill patients that are still in prison, and "C.
E.
R.
" is "compassionate early release.
" It's a program where sick prisoners are paroled early.
Brain cancer, emphysema with ventilator.
Brutal.
Yeah, these will probably die in jail.
Advanced diabetes, stage-3 bladder cancer.
Huh.
I know that "Huh.
" I've said that "Huh.
" What are you thinking? These patients that remain in prison they have terminal diseases, but there isn't anything medically that can be done to help them.
The men in this pile have expensive diseases that would require extensive treatment.
Oh, my God.
The prison is using this "compassionate early release" program to get rid of its expensive patients in order to save money.
It's a theory.
BFD, you just found my smoking gun.
Your honor, Mr.
Lamburt should have never been arrested.
He sold a fresh, natural drink to customers who sought out the beverage.
Or, to put it another way, Mr.
Lamburt violated section 458-B of the Pure Food and Drug Act.
He was acting on behalf of the greater good.
This law was created to protect the public from the distribution of dangerous foods.
My apologies for the interruption, your Honor, but I happen to have 8 ounces of fresh, raw camel milk and a sworn affidavit by the animal control officer who witnessed missy being milked Are you submitting the camel-milk sample - as evidence? - No, your honor.
But if it posed a true danger to the American people, then why would my brilliant associate on the partner fast track be so willing to drink this glass just hours before he's scheduled to walk down the aisle to be married? Um objection.
Sustained.
That stunt is beneath the dignity of this courtroom.
Not to mention it's absurd.
Which is our point.
We're meeting absurdity with absurdity.
I won't set aside federal policies for the Chugalug defense.
I'm ruling in favor of Your Honor, one more moment of the court's time, please.
The American Jobs Creation Act, H.
R.
4520, encourages domestic production to create jobs.
Now, I find it absurd that the hopes and dreams of a small American businessman like Cole Lamburt are to be crushed today but foreign entrepreneurs are free to import camel-milk products into the U.
S.
- Is that true? - Yes, your honor.
Right here, I have a camel-milk chocolate bar from Dubai.
I bought it at the local health-food store down the street.
You cannot uphold a minor federal policy prohibiting the sale of camel milk and in the same breath deny the greater federal goal of creating jobs that benefit our country.
We urge you to drop the charges and return Mr.
Lamburt's pet.
There is a truck scheduled to leave tonight to transport his camel across the country.
I understand the urgency.
I'll rule within the hour.
How's it going? Data shows that every prisoner released through C.
E.
R.
has an expensive-to-treat illness, but Veticon doesn't decide which prisoners get released early.
No, that's the deputy parole commissioner's job, so we have to link him to Veticon.
Not so easy.
The current deputy parole commissioner started as a corrections officer in Dallas.
He worked in four different prisons.
None of them were owned by Veticon.
I can't find a link.
How's it going, Jane? And my platonic employee? Just fine, boss.
Ladies.
What was that? Nothing.
Okay.
'Cause it sounded like you were both trying to reinforce your non-dating status in a flirtatious manner.
Whatever.
Wait.
Who is the deputy parole commissioner's boss? Who does he report to? The D.
P.
C.
is appointed by the sheriff.
And the sheriff was elected in 2007 the year the "compassionate early release" program was introduced.
It's not enough to prove undue influence or even a link to Veticon.
No, but it's a start.
Ms.
Bingum.
Welcome.
Come meet my stockholders.
We need to talk.
Now is not the time.
The deputy parole commissioner, who determines which inmates get released early, reports to the Antelope Valley Sheriff.
Is this a civics lesson? I dug into the sheriff's background.
Turns out, five years before he was elected, he was C.
F.
O.
of Veticon.
And Veticon was one of his biggest campaign contributors.
Bet you know where I'm going with this.
My doctor friend did the math.
The "compassionate early release" program saves the prison approximately $1 million a year.
I'm assuming the sheriff's on your payroll.
So now I am, too.
What do you want? A hundred thou to keep my mouth shut.
You'll be paid as an off-book consultant.
I'll be in touch.
That enough to indict? You bet.
We got it? We got it.
Okay.
After careful consideration, I've decided to release Mr.
Lamburt, who will serve 500 hours of community service.
Mr.
Lamburt, your release is conditioned on the agreement that you not sell a single drop of camel's milk until the USDA-approved test is officially available.
When might that happen the 12th of Never? I I apologize, your honor.
To that end, I strongly suggest the USDA develop and release a test without delay.
If that test is not available within six months, I suggest Mr.
Lamburt file a suit of due process.
I do not look favorably on undue delay.
Mr.
Lamburt's camel, your honor? She is to be released to Mr.
Lamburt immediately.
Yes! Yes! You wonderful yupster bastard.
You did it.
You're welcome.
Now, if you'll both excuse me, I got to go get married.
- Hey.
- Good luck.
After undercover investigation, the D.
A.
's office has confirmed a link between the Antelope Valley Sheriff's Department, the deputy parole commissioner, and Veticon Incorporated involving the early release of seriously ill inmates.
Five other states have now launched similar investigations into other Veticon-owned prisons.
The charges will include bribing a public official, fraud, and racketeering.
Back to you.
Congratulations.
Thank you.
Oh.
You're talking about the rings.
Actually, I'm just the best man woman.
Whatever.
Oh, I'm so late.
Thanks.
Keith.
Hi.
I was just coming to see you.
They released me.
I know.
The D.
A.
dropped the charges.
Keith.
Oh, hey, baby.
Thank you, Ms.
Bingum.
I'm so sorry about before.
I understand.
Jane, I'm in the same place where I started.
I I can't afford the therapy.
Veticon can and will.
I just spoke to their lawyer, and they have agreed to pay for your interferon therapy as part of a very generous settlement.
Oh, my God! I I don't know what to say.
Well, I guess you robbed the right woman.
Don't ever do that again.
Yes, ma'am.
Okay, I have to go.
Oh.
You will not believe the day I had.
I drank camel milk.
You win.
Um, don't worry.
Brides like to make a dramatic entrance.
Yeah.
Oh, God.
Sorry.
I'm sorry.
So rude.
I need you to read your poem now.
Now? And slowly.
Excuse me.
Um, I have been asked to read my poem now.
It's by Oscar Wilde.
"We are resolved" "Into the supreme air" Vanessa? What's going on? I can't marry Grayson.
What? Okay, um, I'm sure that this is is just cold feet, Vanessa.
It's perfectly normal.
When you and Grayson were dancing Oh, no.
It it w wasn't No, no.
I know.
I know.
I I relax.
I'm just I'm not making any sense.
Okay, I I'm confused.
I It's just that you two were so effortless and natural.
And it's never been like that for me with him.
But he loves you.
You're going to break his heart.
Maybe so.
But I can't help feeling like some kind of consolation prize.
Wait.
Is this all because of Deb? Honestly, I don't I don't know.
I'm just painfully aware that there is something missing in our relationship, and every day, I wake up hoping that things will be different.
But I deserve more.
And maybe he doesn't know it but he does, too.
Well, Grayson will be devastated.
I'm sorry.
Jane, if you were in my shoes, would you marry Grayson? In a heartbeat.
What? He deserves it face to face.
So if you ever cared anything about No.
No, I'm not that brave.
Goodbye, Jane.
"And all the live world's throbbing heart" "Shall be one with our hearts.
" "The stealthy creeping years have lost their terrors now.
" "We shall not die.
" "The universe itself shall be our immortality.
" What is going on? S she said what?! I'm sorry.
Excuse me, ladies and gentlemen.
I have some sad news.
There won't be a wedding today.
I'm sorry.
Um, uh, folks so many of you have traveled long distances to be here.
Please stay.
Uh, eat, drink.
It's paid for.
I'll take "awkward social gatherings" for $200.
Great band.
Bride's favorite.
We could dance.
Has anyone seen Grayson? I saw him walking towards the lobby like 20 minutes ago.
Would you excuse me? Yeah, sure.
Again.
But my fiancée stood me up.
You've made that very clear.
You're cutting me off? Sorry, sir.
Then I will sue you.
I will sue you for excessive emotional distress of the emotionally distressed.
Easy, counselor.
- Jane! - Hi.
He cut me off! Thank you.
No problem.
You're taking his side? You're fired.
I am gonna find another lawyer, one who where are my keys? With the valet.
Ugh! Damn.
Here.
Why don't I help you to your room? I don't need your help.
I'd like that very much.
Okay.
Here you go.
I am never falling in love again.
Never say "never.
" Well, I fell in love with Deb.
I lost her.
Fell in love with Vanessa.
I lost her.
Now, see, that that was just that's just two strikes, so Oop! you just need to keep on swinging.
Nope.
I am done.
D-O-Ern.
Oh! You are a hall-of-fame best man.
Thank you.
The only person I can rely on.
What happened with Vanessa it just happened.
But maybe it was for a reason.
You know? Mm-hmm.
And you will fall in love again.
Because you deserve it.
And maybe you'll find it sooner than you think.
Good night, Grayson.
Grayson.
Grayson? Grayson, I'm stuck under your arm.