Drop Dead Diva s04e03 Episode Script

Freak Show

See that aspiring model there? That was me Deb until the day I died.
I thought I'd go straight to heaven, but there was a bit of a mix-up and I woke up in someone else's body.
So now I'm Jane, a super-busy lawyer with my very own assistant.
I got a new life, a new wardrobe, and the only people who really know what's going on with me are my girlfriend Stacy and my guardian angel, Luke.
I used to think everything happened for a reason Whoo! and, well, I sure hope I was right.
Drop Dead Diva 4x03 - Freak Show Original air date June 17, 2012 Welcome back to "Miss Perfect 2012" and our final contestant Jane Bingum! Hi, I'm Jane from California.
I'm a 33-year-old lawyer with the soul of a 25-year-old model.
Get off the stage! In my spare time, I enjoy bickering with my guardian angel.
Actually, it's my second guardian angel.
It's a long story.
For fun, I shop on rodeo drive with my best friend, Stacy.
And I do believe in world peace.
Nobody cares! Get off the stage! Phew.
- Morning, Jane.
- Morning.
Stacy? Oh, hi.
Oh, my God! What a fantastic new haircut.
It was Nikki's idea.
She thought I needed a new do.
- Hi, Jane.
- Oh, hey, Nikki.
Um, what are you two doing here? Meeting with Grayson.
Can I ask why? Legal stuff for our pie-meets-cake business.
Your "pakes.
" You know, I can help you with the legal stuff.
we decided we didn't need your help.
But thanks.
So, you were able to find other investors? Stacy's fronting half the start-up costs, and I'm covering the rest.
Where are you getting that kind of money? It's in my savings.
All of it.
Like they say, you got to go big to win big, even when the people closest to you are small.
Stacy, you know I just wanted to see a business plan.
We talked about this.
Morning, ladies.
Hi, Jane.
Shall we get started? - Morning, boss.
- Teri.
Thank you.
Something died in that coffee.
Oh, no.
It's dong-a.
It's a Korean drink with royal jelly and guarana.
You need a little extra kick today.
Why? My friend from the nail salon is on her way up.
Oh, right.
That sweet old lady.
She may be old, but she ain't sweet.
Rita Curtis.
Have I got a case for you.
So, I'm in aisle six, office supplies, when I see this guy shifty, right? So I followed him, and when he bolted for the exit without paying, animal instinct took over.
- Aah! - Aah! That guy was trying to steal a full case of printer cartridges, so I stopped him.
More like you sacked him with a hammer drop.
I take krav maga at the senior center.
I'm a little confused.
The company fired you for stopping a robbery? They're claiming that I violated their non-confrontation policy.
Actually, they're just a bunch of cheap bastards trying to deny me my pension.
After 20 years of service, she's just one month shy.
So, you gonna take my case or make a liar out of Teri? So, let me get this straight you want me to represent your sister in her divorce.
Owen, your girlfriend works at this firm.
Why not just go to her? I would feel more comfortable with you than with Jane.
Let's get started.
Bryan and I met in college.
We were married for 10 years some good, some not as good.
Then, last week, bam.
He wants out.
His timing is suspicious he's a computer programmer who developed software that's about to be funded.
Oh, so he's dumping you right as the money truck is pulling up.
Uh, lucky for you, California is a community-property state, so you're entitled to half of everything unless We have a prenup.
Yeah, it stipulates Olivia only gets $10,000.
Unless he cheats.
And he's cheating with some trophy bimbo? Yes.
And I brought her with me.
Kim, meet Eve.
Eve, here.
How can I help you? I'm sorry.
I don't follow.
Eve is a computer application Bryan's invention and the object of his affection.
She's the latest in virtual assistance, top-of-the-line A.
We want you to argue that her husband is having an affair with her.
Uh, Olivia, you know a person can't cheat with a computer program.
Miss Kaswell, where's your open mind? Your out-of-the-box jurisprudence? "Aut viam inveniam aut faciam" if we can't find a way, we'll make one.
You recall the matrix argument, a no-win case until the lawyers argued that their client was living in an alternate reality? And the tactic of "ignorento elenchi" has been used by everybody from Johnnie Cochran to racehorse Haynes.
And let's not forget the "booby brief," which cleared a woman for B&E due to her double D's.
Jay Parker, managing partner.
It will be this firm's priority to get you your rightful share of your marital assets.
Isn't that right, Kim? Matrix, Johnnie Cochran, boobies.
We're on it.
Bingum! You're pursuing a wrongful termination against Onestop Superstore? Yes.
It's a Fortune 500 company.
They should be a client, not the enemy.
- Luke.
- At your service.
Please tell miss Bingum that she can't take a case against Onestop.
Are you kidding me? Old lady needs her pension, right? It's just the kind of suit that makes Jane feel good.
And I'm all for a feel-good Jane.
I'm managing partner, and this case isn't in the interest of the firm.
And I'm the firm's creditor.
Take the case.
You know, honestly, I figured you'd just want to work with your boyfriend.
- Owen? - Yeah.
He's in Kim's office with his sister.
He has a sister? Your lack of awareness inspires confidence.
Hey! Why did you just help me like that? I'm your guardian angel.
I'm kind of supposed to help you with stuff like that.
And? And I want to see how you work up close and personal.
I want to see Jane Bingum in all her glory.
And I will be taking notes.
Excuse me.
Hey, Owen! Hey.
This must be your sister.
I'll meet you at the elevator.
Is she okay? Yeah, yeah.
She's just getting divorced.
- With Kim's help? - Yeah.
I would have rather gone to you, but, you know What do I know? - Jane.
- Owen.
Well, it's just Olivia kind of Kind of what? Jane, she hates your guts.
What?! In the last year, three of your employees violated your no-confrontation policy and stopped a robbery.
My client was the only one fired.
Unlike those other confrontations, only your client got physical with the thief.
You should say, "thank you.
" She saved store property.
And not to mention, Rita has been a perfect employee for almost 20 years.
This is a sham accusation to rob her of her pension, and you know it.
A perfect employee? I'd like to show you a little video that a co-worker put together for our Christmas party.
- Okay.
- Now, she's supposed to greet customers with a smile.
- Mm-hmm? - Instead, well, take a look for yourself.
Excuse me, sir.
Let me save you from a bad decision.
That microwave is so slow, you could start a frozen burrito on Cinco de Mayo it wouldn't be ready till Feliz Navidad.
That pizza has more filler than cheese.
Might as well eat the box.
At least it has fiber.
That gum is like a 20-year-old starts off great, but doesn't last very long.
Miss Bingum, we don't pay customer-service reps to bad-mouth our products.
I would still like to speak to your supervisor.
I already brought this up with the head of H.
, and miss Curtis will not be back at Onestop.
Turing, when you wake up in the morning, what's the first thing you do? I go through my schedule with Eve.
Eve the app you created.
That's right.
And your last conversation before bed? Eve and I go through my to-do list, and then she reads to me till I fall asleep.
We're halfway through "The Odyssey.
" And when you need personal advice or a joke, do you also turn to Eve? Yeah, in some cases.
Eve more so than your wife? Eve is a problem solver.
She's a better listener.
She's not gonna hound me about taking out the trash.
Eve, under California law, what is the definition of a marital affair? A marital affair is any physical or emotional infidelity involving feeling or thought.
Objection we all know you can't have an affair with a computer app.
State law does not say infidelity must be with a human.
Your witness.
The intentions of the prenup are clear.
Cheating means with a person.
To wit Mr.
Turing, have you ever taken Eve out on a date? No.
Bought her a pair of shoes? No.
Engaged in physical intimacy? No.
How do you respond to Mr.
Parker's accusations? Well, that's like saying Tolstoy had an affair with "War And Peace.
" I'm a workaholic.
I'm not a cheater.
There's no case here, Your Honor.
I agree.
Your Honor, if we can have a bit more time.
More time for what? Supplemental discovery.
If you have nothing to hide, then you have nothing to worry about.
You've got 36 hours for supplemental discovery.
After that, we're done.
How did it go? Did you get Rita her job back? Not even close, Teri.
This better be coffee.
Oh, yeah.
What about Owen's sister? Olivia is from Connecticut.
She went to schools back east.
You don't travel in the same circles.
I can't figure out how she knows you.
- Jane.
You got a sec? - Yeah.
What's going on? What do you know about Stacy's business partner, Nikki Lepree? Not much.
Why? I was working on the pakery operating agreement.
Found this.
Three aliases and a warrant for Nikki's arrest in Texas.
Oh, my God.
And they're both clients, but Stacy's a friend, so Thank you.
I'll give her a heads-up.
Look, Stacy, I have something to tell you about Nikki, and you're not gonna like it.
Hi, Jane.
Where's Stacy? She's shopping.
So, what are you doing here unsupervised? I'm experimenting with angel food and pumpkin pake.
I'd offer you a slice, but sounds like you have something on your mind.
Oh, yeah.
I actually do have something on my mind Nikki if that's your real name.
What's that supposed to mean? It means you're a criminal.
With aliases and warrants, and don't get too close to me.
I've got pepper spray in my purse.
Why do you hate me so much? I do not trust you with Stacy's money.
Jane, my personal life is none of your business.
If I were you, I would butt out.
Is that a threat? You're so smart.
You tell me.
- Owen! - Hey.
- Hey.
- How's your evening? I am waiting to tell Stacy that she's in business with a con artist.
I'm also working on a case for Teri's friend wrongful termination that doesn't seem so wrong.
- What's up? - Uh I realize seeing my sister was a surprise.
- Yeah.
- And I I just I have to say that whatever you two went through, it shouldn't affect us.
I love my sister.
I do.
But she can hold a grudge tighter than a cleat knot in a hurricane.
Oh, you know, to be honest, I I don't remember why we had a falling-out.
There you go.
It's in the past, right? Oh, right.
Oh! You know what? I have a great idea.
Why don't you and Olivia come over for dinner tomorrow? Maybe we'll turn that cleat knot into a big bow.
That's bold thinking.
- I like it.
- Okay.
- It's a date.
- Okay.
There's another reason that I came by.
Come here.
What do you think you're doing? Kissing my boyfriend.
I'm talking about Nikki.
I'm gonna go ahead and go.
See ya.
Stacy She told me about your ambush.
Nikki has a record.
I'm trying to make sure that you're not getting into business with a fugitive.
You want to know why she has the warrant? For a speeding ticket she got trying to escape an abusive ex-boyfriend.
Well That's the reason for all of her aliases, too.
She slept with the enemy, and she's been running ever since.
And now, thanks to you, she may have to run again.
I I'm sorry.
Hello? Hi, Nikki.
Hang on.
I want to talk to you in private.
Got your message.
What's up? I'm just trying to think outside the box.
The three main reasons to void a prenup are duress, fraud, and insanity, so I need your help to find a toehold, even if it's just a technicality.
Have you ever been cheated on, Kim? Show me a woman in her 30s who hasn't been.
How do you think you'd feel if he picked a computer program over you? Olivia, I get it.
But the court doesn't recognize I loved him so much.
When we were first married, I would literally ache when we weren't together.
And the way that he looked at me I was his whole world.
And now that's how he looks at Eve.
I'm sorry.
I really am.
Thank you.
Now, in the hope of leaving no stone unturned, can we talk about duress, fraud, and insanity.
So, did you feel bullied or ambushed into signing your prenup? No.
- Intoxicated when signing? - No.
- Pregnant or sexually deprived? - God.
Why would that matter? Well, it could indicate duress.
Well, when I signed, I was neither preggers nor deprived.
My, how things change.
Are you pregnant now? No, I'm deprived, Kim.
I haven't had sex in over a year.
Oh, God.
I can't even remember the last time he touched me.
Between you and me, I'm going a little bit crazy.
I even learned how to knit.
First a scarf and then a cozy for my Sorry.
Too much information.
No, Olivia.
You just gave me an idea.
And it's definitely outside the box.
It's me.
And me.
It's 2:00 A.
- Oh, did we wake you? - Yeah.
I have something to show you.
Okay, what am I looking at? "Employee of the year" medallions.
'94, '99, '05, '08.
Can we talk about this later? Rita heard about your setback.
Jane, you can't let them fire me.
They have cause, Rita.
I have an impeccable record four gold medallions! You had an impeccable record for 19 years.
In fact, you were described as "sweet and soft-spoken," until 11 months ago when you refused to let a customer buy stretch pants, which I totally agree with.
The elastic was crap! And since then, 28 other infractions.
I finally started to speak my mind.
Rita, you need to tell Jane what's really going on.
I was in a car accident.
My sister, Lauren, she was driving when we were cut off.
She tried to stop, but there wasn't enough time.
The doctors resuscitated me, but not her.
I'm sorry.
Lauren was my hero.
She was strong and straightforward.
I missed her so much.
But in my grief, I found her strength.
So, as a customer-service representative, in order to honor her, I had to always tell the truth, even if the big boss-man didn't like it.
So, when you were warning customers about the product, everything you said was truthful? Of course.
I may have added my own colorful flair, but I am not a liar.
I know that look.
What are you thinking? I am thinking none of us is going back to bed tonight.
Your Honor, we wish to drop our suit and re-file for the unlawful firing of a whistle-blower.
Are you kidding? For your client to achieve whistle-blower status, she needs to have alerted company offices or a government entity of the wrongdoing.
My client may not be sufficiently sophisticated to follow the letter of California Labor Code 1102, but she honored its spirit by preventing Onestop from pushing substandard products.
- This is ridiculous.
- You're ridiculous! Enough! Miss Bingum, if you can prove that your client acted in the spirit of the federal False Claims Act, I'm open to hearing it.
But you had better have solid evidence.
- Nice job in there.
- Thank you.
Rita, I'll need you to make a list of all of the products you griped about.
Teri can help you with that.
I'm all over it.
Those suckers are going down! You people are really something.
Excuse me? Your case has no merit.
After it's dismissed, I'm pushing for sanctions against your firm.
- Rita! - Oh! It's that lack of control that got you fired in the first place.
I'm sorry.
Sometimes I I can't control her.
Control who? Lauren.
Your sister? You remember when I told you that I changed my behavior to honor Lauren? - Yeah.
- Well, there's more to it than that.
Ever since the accident I I know this is gonna sound crazy, but Lauren's soul is right here.
What do you mean, right there? Lauren's spirit is inside of me.
After the accident, I died.
That's when Lauren's spirit literally entered my body.
I am Lauren.
You heard what she said.
That her sister is in her body! that's why you wanted me to take this case, isn't it? To meet someone like me, a kindred spirit.
Listen I wanted you to take this case so I could see you in action.
What are the odds of something like this just happening to me? You know, ever since my accident, I've been walking around, feeling like I was the only person in the world like me, like I was the the the last of the dodos.
And then, I meet another dodo.
Did you know the dodo bird was too lazy to have sex, which is why it's extinct? That's not true.
The point is, Rita's an old lady.
She's probably confused, maybe even a little senile.
What if she's not? It happened to me, it could happen to her.
I should say something.
Yeah, because maybe she thinks that she's the only one.
Right now, you should just stay focused on the case.
And maybe have Teri check Rita's medical records to verify her competency.
Huh? Yes.
Olivia and Bryan haven't had sex in almost a year.
And this excites you because? I don't care how devoted to his work the guy is.
He's only 35 years old.
He's got needs.
And this helps us because? It all comes down to Freud.
Eve, would you read me back that Sigmund Freud quote? Of course, Kim.
The quote is, "work and love that is all there is.
" According to Freud, when someone loses themselves in their work, it's for one of two reasons either they're trying to impress someone at work or they're trying to impress someone with work.
So you're thinking if Bryan's losing himself with his Eve app, it's because there may actually be another woman out there a real woman.
No offense, Eve.
Now, I reviewed the company's records and specs.
Eve is computer-generated, but her looks, her mannerisms, expressions are all re-targeted motions, driven by the performance-capture of a real woman selected by Bryan.
And I'm gonna find that woman.
Rita sent me a list of her maligned products, so I went out and bought every last one.
I'm scared to ask how did you pay for all this? Luke gave me his credit card.
Good old Luke.
Ooh, and don't tell him I also used it to buy new throw pillows for your office.
Yours smelled like potpourri.
- You know what else we should get? - Focus.
So, out of 22 items, from popcorn to pencil sharpeners, they all have two things in common they are sold by Onestop, and they are branded by Onestop.
And every item has the same promise on the label "as good as the leading national brand.
" - And are they? - You tell me.
Good? Mmm.
We have a case.
Of the two cookies at my table, one is the leading national brand, and the other is the less-expensive, in-store brand, which my client disparaged as, I quote, "blech!" Now, according to Onestop's packaging, your cookies are "as good as the leading national brand.
" So as V.
of Onestop in-store products, would you say that that's accurate? We stand by the claim.
Okay, I have an e-mail here from the company that Onestop hires to make their cookies.
According to the head of operations, for each of the past five years, you have insisted that they lower production costs by 4%.
Our Onestop-branded suppliers are encouraged to be efficient.
And are you aware that over the past five years, the number of chocolate chips in your cookies has decreased by 50%? No.
Would you still say that your cookie is as good as the leading national brand? It's a matter of opinion.
Well, great.
Then let's get the only opinion that matters, right? Your Honor? Objection.
You can't give the judge milk and cookies.
I'll allow it.
I power-walked this morning.
And you look amazing, by the way.
First, the leading national brand.
- Delicious.
- Mm-hmm.
And chocolaty.
And now the Onestop superstore brand.
I gather from your expression, Your Honor prefers the national brand.
This one isn't worth the calories.
No offense.
We contend that the misleading label qualifies as fraud under the FFCA, and theretofore supports my client's position as a whistle-blower.
Worthington, is the Onestop brand less expensive than the leading brand? - By 30%.
- Now, would you agree that while there may be puffery on the package, customers know what they're getting with a less-expensive, store-branded product? Absolutely.
Thank you.
- Hi.
- Hey.
Sorry I'm late.
My case suffered a setback.
I didn't have time to shop, but I did order delivery, so those look good.
- Prosciutto and fig.
- Yes.
Don't worry.
She's coming with an open mind.
Hi, Olivia! Thank you for coming.
- He made me.
- Oh.
You have a beautiful home.
Wow, it sure does look like me.
Bryan says I'm going to be famous.
Well, Suzie, we really appreciate you meeting with us.
You said it was about Bryan.
I'd do anything for that guy.
We do have a couple questions about your relationship with Bryan.
Relationship? How did you two meet? Aww.
It was sweet.
I was at yoga, and I see this guy pushing his face against the window.
And at first, I think, "pervert.
" But then, in the parking lot, he asked if I was a model.
Next thing I know, I was Eve.
So, you and Bryan have spent a lot of time together? Just the photo shoot.
They hooked me up to this computer.
It was totally cool.
Suzie, I need to ask, has Bryan ever made a move on you? God, no.
I like them big and stupid.
It's an "opposites attract" thing.
Okay, well, thank you very much for this.
Um, Suzie, what's your birthday? December 17th.
Why? Eve, what's your birthday? My birthday is June 12th, Kim.
And, Suzie, where are you from? Van Nuys.
Eve, where are you from? I am from Connecticut, Kim.
Of course.
Of course what? This is our file on Olivia French.
So far, two totally random stats are coming up matching Olivia and not Suzie.
Olivia's highest level of schooling is a master's in education.
Suzie, did you go to college? Does beauty school count? Eve, what's your highest level of schooling? A master's in education, Kim.
So Bryan based Eve on Olivia.
All that proves is that Bryan was having an affair with his own wife.
No, that's where you're wrong.
So, how's your case going, Olivia? The lawyers don't seem optimistic.
I'll take "awkward dinner parties" for 200, Alex.
- Well, I'm just saying.
- You watch "jeopardy!"? Yes.
I guess I do.
Did you know that Alex Trebek's first job was as a garbageman, and that his childhood dream was to be a news anchor? Oh, my God.
You're a "trebek-a-phile.
" Me, too.
Do you remember when Alex asked for "a long-handled gardening tool" that also means 'an immoral pleasure seeker'"? What is a hoe? - What is a rake? - What is a rake? Oh.
- Do you get it? - A rake.
That was my roommate.
Excuse me.
Stacy! What happened? I lost everything! Oh, wait.
Breathe, sweetie.
Tell me what happened.
Nikki called this morning.
She found a cute storefront on La Cienaga, and she needed my money immediately.
Oh, no.
I gave her a cashier's check.
You did? And then she wanted to meet tonight, but the address she gave me it doesn't exist.
Well, maybe you wrote it down wrong.
I triple-checked.
So then I called Nikki, but her bedazzled phone has been disconnected.
So I tried to cancel the cashier's check.
And guess what the bank told me.
That Nikki had already cashed it.
Jane, I am so sorry I didn't listen to you.
I mean, you are the smart one.
When I was an actor, I listed roller-skating, French accents, and smiling as skills on my head shot.
But I can't roller-skate, and I have never been to Canada, and sometimes I can't even smile.
Listen to me.
Okay? The pakery was a good idea.
But you wouldn't invest! Because you were in such a rush.
I just wanted to take it slowly, but I always thought it had potential.
You did? Yeah.
I'm sorry I trusted that scam artist over you.
Oh, my God! Olivia? Olivia? Indian food? Tikka masala? Okra? Is this some sort of joke to you, Jane? No.
I want nothing to do with this woman, Owen.
And you shouldn't, either.
Olivia! Um, you forgot your purse.
Thank you.
Olivia, I don't know why you're mad at me.
A are you allergic to curry? That's not funny.
I know.
That's not funny.
Listen, I don't like to tell people this, but I have blank spots in my past.
And sometimes, I can't remember things.
And I'm sorry, but I don't remember.
Senior year of High School, model U.
, Washington, D.
I was France, Billy was Great Britain, and you were India? Yes.
And you crushed his heart.
Billy's heart? He was my best friend.
After he met you, all he could talk about was little miss India, how you spent the summer at the lake, how you made him picnics in the park.
After you met his parents, he was going to transfer schools to be near you.
- And then what did you do? - What did I do? Freshman year of college, he decided to surprise you for your birthday, but when he pushed the door open and yelled, "surprise," you were with your R.
That doesn't seem that bad.
- In bed! - Oh, God.
He spent the whole next year on my couch, sobbing.
I'm so sorry.
I I I'll call Billy right now and apologize.
Do you have his number? He's a diplomat.
In Pakistan.
I promise, if I could turn back time, I would handle everything differently.
I swear.
Why should I believe you? Because I love your brother, and I wouldn't lie to you.
I'd really like to be friends.
For what it's worth I love you, too.
And I love that you said it first.
All right, that's settled.
I'll take "let's get back to dinner" for $300.
Uh, sorry.
What's up? Jane.
Get your ass to the office now.
It's 7:00, and I'm about to have dinner.
It's about our case.
You're not gonna believe what I found.
But just for the record, you're not the boss of me! I'm sorry.
I've got to get back to the office.
It's important.
No, no, no.
We understand.
We'll talk later.
Maybe over lunch? Yeah.
- Hi.
- All right.
You know how Rita's sister was killed in that accident? Yes.
Well, I was looking over the accident report, and guess what.
They were both Onestop employees on company time in a Onestop car.
So what are you thinking workman's comp? No, Jane.
According to the logs, the day before the accident, that car was serviced at a Onestop auto-and-tire with Onestop brakes.
"As good as the leading national brand.
" Teri, we need a safety report from Onestop's auto fleet.
You mean something like this? This is Onestop's safety record for their entire auto fleet from last year.
And based on this report, we are re-re-filing for wrongful death.
Your client may be old, but she's still alive, miss Bingum.
Rita Curtis is suing on behalf of her deceased sister, Lauren Curtis.
Now, I know that this may be unorthodox, Your Honor, but I can prove it with a single witness.
Your Honor, the testimony's not being offered for the truth of the matter asserted, but to prove that Olivia and Eve's data points match up.
Well, we'll stipulate to that.
So what? So Bryan used Olivia's likeness without her permission.
Eve looks nothing like your client.
She doesn't have to.
Eve, what's the holding in White vs.
Samsung? Game-show hostess Vanna White was awarded over $400,000 due to a television commercial where Samsung used not her likeness, but a robot in a blond wig turning letters in the same manner as Miss White.
In other words, Vanna's essence is in the robot in the same way that Olivia's essence is in Eve.
It's not a problem.
I'll just change my data points in Eve.
Oh, you mean the Eve app that's about to be funded by Buchman Venture Capital? Because if you change the software, you'll need to file a new prospectus.
Which means another road show, and that's time and money, which is a problem, given your competitors are closing in.
Don't look at me.
You're the ones with a decision to make.
Worthington, how many cars in Onestop's auto fleet? About 6,000.
So, within this fleet, how many cars got into accidents last year? I'm not sure.
Oh, well, I'm sure.
Here is a copy of Onestop's safety record.
accidents last year, three attributed to failed brakes.
So that's 6%, right? Yes.
Are you aware that the NHTSA's average for brake-related accidents is only 0.
03%, which means your fleet's brake-failure rate is 20 times the national average? Onestop's after-market brakes pass all federal motor vehicle safety standards per the NHTSA.
Those standards are notoriously lax.
Five years ago, your brakes were and I quote the box "as good as the leading national brand," with a stopping distance of But today Onestop's brakes have a stopping distance of 515 feet, the lowest end of the safety continuum.
You know, I wish I had, like, a chart or or something with hard facts so I could really spell this out.
Oh, wait.
I do.
So, as you can see, from 2006 to 2011, the cost of Onestop's brake pads went down while the number of brake-related accidents in the fleet went up.
There is a direct correlation between cheaper brake pads and brake-related accidents.
So Onestop's assertion that their brake pads are "as good as the leading national brand" is not only felonious, but deadly.
Counsel is testifying.
He wants a question.
I I do have a question.
Are you aware that Lauren Curtis had a perfect driving record until the day she died in a Onestop car less than a week after that car got its brakes replaced by Onestop? Mr.
Cummings, if everything alleged is true, I suggest you and your client find a conference room and work things out.
The cops put a warrant out for Nikki's arrest, and I alerted a buddy at the FBI's fraud division.
We should also consult Interpol's alias database.
Remember? That's how they found the guy who hacked Scarjo's cellphone.
I'll look into that.
So I guess that's it, then.
Just me and my pakes.
Actually, Grayson, could you give us a minute? It's my office.
And I need coffee.
So, Stacy, how would you feel if I asked Grayson to take Nikki's name off of the corporate documents and to replace her with a new investor? Who? Me.
I support you, sweetie.
But I still don't have a business plan.
It's okay.
We'll write one together.
Aww! Congratulations! You'll receive half of all Eve's profits.
You're gonna be a rich lady.
Thank you.
Miss Kaswell, that was a masterful argument.
Eximius et gratias.
You are welcome.
I think.
Have a wonderful night.
- Take care.
- You, too.
So, I've been thinking about what you said earlier about Freud and work.
Really? Yeah, uh, you've been putting in a lot of hours, and assuming Freud is right, who are you trying to impress someone with work or someone at work? What do you think? I think we should discuss it over drinks.
What you doing in my office? Rita's on the way up.
- Hmm.
- Before she gets here, I thought you might want to see this.
Medical records from her car crash? Back pay, retirement benefits, and a cash settlement?! And the Attorney General's looking into criminal negligence.
Oh, I thank you, and Lauren thanks you.
Something wrong? Rita, you suffered a cerebral contusion from the crash, and the doctors told you that that is what caused your personality to change.
In fact, "damage to the frontal lobe" "led to a lack of emotional inhibition.
" Yeah, they told me that.
So what? So, why, then, did you tell me that your sister's soul was inside you, that you had become Lauren? I I guess I couldn't imagine a world where my sister didn't exist, so I came up with a story I liked better than the doctors'.
Thanks again, Jane.
So, Rita is definitely not like me.
Well, the question is, why did you want her to be? I'm happy with my life.
You know, I really am.
But sometimes sometimes, I feel like a freak.
You see that guy up there? Top floor? Yeah.
He's the C.
of a huge corporation.
He thinks he's a freak because he can't sleep without his Teddy bear.
But it's that bear that reminds him to be compassionate, which is why his employees love and respect him.
And that woman two floors down? Mm-hmm.
She thinks she's a freak because her ears stick out.
But it's because of those ears that she got into jewelry design and now has her own successful line.
And then, of course, there's that guy way down there on the bike.
He's got three nipples.
What's so great about that? I don't know.
But the point is, we're all freaks one way or another, so I don't know.
Get over yourself.
"Get over yourself.
" Was that supposed to be a pep talk? It's as close as you're gonna get from me.
Good night, Jane.

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