DuckTales (2017) s01e11 Episode Script

Beware the B.U.D.D.Y. System!

1 [JACK-IN-THE-BOX MELODY PLAYS] [SIZZLING] [EXPLOSION BOOMS] [CACKLING] Child's play! - [GLASS SHATTERING] - Huh? Huh?! No! I will avenge you, my bulby brethren! Who would dare? [DARKWING DUCK] I am the terror that flaps in the night! [CHATTERING] I am the little roller skate at the base of villainy's staircase.
I am Darkwing Duck! [QUARTERJACK] Playtime's over! Then I gotta get a shorter intro.
Let's get dangerous.
- [SIZZLING] - [GRUNTING] [BOTH BLUBBERING] Big day, Dewey.
Mustard stain or ketchup stain? Mustard looks less like blood.
What is this weird show? Whoa, what? Darkwing Duck? The greatest TV show of all time? Ha! Maybe when you were a kid.
This hero guy doesn't fly or shoot lasers or anything.
That hero guy is Jim Starling.
He was an old-school actor who did all his own stunts.
Sure, he got a little banged up in later seasons.
[GRUNTING] Keep rolling.
But that just made him even more heroic.
Why didn't he just use CGI? [CHUCKLES] Real heroes don't need high-tech special effects or basic safety precautions.
So, how do I look? Remember, Dewey, a true hero thinks with his gut or not at all.
Right, D.
W.
? Let's get dangerous.
What's the special occasion, anyway? I finally got my driver's license.
- [ENGINE STARTS] - Uh, wait, what? Aah! Life is like a hurricane Here in Duckburg Race cars, lasers, airplanes It's a duck-blur We might solve a mystery Or rewrite history Ducktales, whoo-ooh Every day they're out there making Ducktales Whoo-ooh Tales of derring-do Bad and good-luck tales Whoo-ooh D-d-danger lurks behind you There's a stranger out to find you What to do? Just grab on to some Ducktales Whoo-ooh Every day they're out there Making Ducktales Whoo-ooh Tales of daring bad and good Not phony tales or cottontails - No, Ducktales! - Whoo-ooh! [SLOW MOTION YELLING] [GRUNTS] How have you been a driver without a driver's license? Hey, come on.
I've got a pilot's license, don't I? Wait, don't I? Ugh! Aren't you worried Scrooge will find out? You kidding? I had them mail the license straight to him so he'd be first to know.
Ah, he's gonna be so proud of me.
[CHUCKLES] Wow.
[DEWEY] The Bin, The Bin, The Bin! Slow down! [TIRES SQUEALING] - [HEAVY BREATHING] - I bet Mr.
McD's got some kind of party planned for my big day.
Wouldn't want to ruin the - [ELEVATOR DINGS] - Surprise! Huh.
Surprise! Supplies? Boy, he's really getting my hopes up.
The payoff is gonna be amazing.
Surprise! - Shh! Quiet.
- Shh! The Gearloose Monophonicrail converts aural input into kinetic propulsion.
[DEWEY AND LAUNCHPAD] Huh? Sound-powered train.
- [BOTH] Buh.
- Ah, sorry, Mr.
McD, but I thought you might wanna hear I don't want to hear anything.
This sensitive prototype runs on noise.
Observe.
[HUMMING] Illumination, Dr.
Gearloose! Alphanumerical substitution! The categorical reorganization of letters to prime digits.
[SIZZLING, WHIRRING] Aah! My blueprints! Sorry, Dr.
Gearloose.
Intern, try to think.
But that's all I do all the time.
Well, do it better.
Eh, you probably couldn't fit a driver in that tiny train anyway.
Uh, say, speaking of drivers Gyro, the board needs results.
Ever since Bulb Tech backfired you need an invention that, well Won't turn evil and kill us all.
Due respect, sir, innovation doesn't work that way.
I can't just wake up one morning and say How about a self-driving robot car? - A what, now? - Wah! Too many variables.
A self-driving robot car would turn evil like that.
- Nobody could.
- Well, Mark Beaks did.
He just posted that he's having a demo later today.
What?! That hack couldn't even program a microwave! [CHUCKLES] We'll see about this.
Okay, cool.
I'll just tell you my big news later.
Launchpad, I almost forgot - Yeah? - Stop having mail delivered to my office.
That's for incoming checks and death threats only.
Wait, what does "Smiley face, anvil, roadkill" mean? - Crushed it! - [CROWD CHEERING] It's a hectic world posting things online, checking to see who liked your post.
Couldn't you use a little time for yourself? Couldn't you use a BUDDY? That's the "Beaks Unmanned Driver Drone Yay!" BUDDY will drive you anywhere quickly, efficiently, and cheaply! BUDDY is compatible with any vehicle, making traditional drivers a thing of the past.
The Waddle BUDDY system.
Because machines are the new man.
And hold for applause! - [APPLAUSE] - Boo! Bad! - Do not like! - Agreed.
Very negative feelings, indeed.
Whoa, Scrooge's driver and his chief inventor are threatened by my BUDDY here.
Well, that is how you know it's a good product.
[LAUGHS] - [CROWD MURMURING] - Uh, how can you ensure that this machine won't turn evil? Huh.
I've never said that out loud.
Top secret Beaks tech means this baby's 100% obedient to its master.
- Next question, please.
- Oh, yeah? Can you program a robot to brave the unknown and laugh at danger? - Yes.
- Can a robot greet you with a kind word at the end of a long day? - Yes.
- [BUDDY] That's a nice gray cardigan, Mr.
Beaks.
You are killing it today.
Huh.
Yeah, well, can a robot pull you from the wreckage of a crash with a reassuring smile that tells you everything's gonna be okay? Well, no, because it can't crash.
Wait, what, now? I'm sorry, what was that? BUDDY, show him.
[BEAKS] BUDDY's patented sensors mean a smooth, crash-free ride.
No matter the situation, you can count on BUDDY to get you where you're going safely.
Any more questions? This automated marvel could save McDuck Enterprises a fortune! You're not seriously gonna buy one of these things.
I mean, not when you have plenty of good driver/pilots already.
I may buy a whole fleet! Unless anyone has any brighter ideas.
[GROANS] - A race.
- [BOTH GASP] What are you doing? Thinking with my gut.
Me versus the bot.
Winner gets free candy for life.
- [INDISTINCT WHISPERS] - Oh, that's better.
Winner is named the ultimate driver.
A race would give me a chance to see how BUDDY performs in a real-world scenario.
Ooh! Dramatic! In! In! In! In! In! May the best man Ooh! Aah! Robot hand! Very strong robot hand.
- Aah! - Aah! Look out! It's a headless man-horse! He broke in to hoof us all to death! [GYRO] What?! Don't be dumb.
I'm just trying out some new interns.
Don't tell my existing intern.
Manny, dispose of them violently.
I can't have any distractions.
No, wait.
I need help.
See, I have this friend.
Let's call him, "Not Launchpad.
" And he kinda challenged a robot to a race.
Pretty common scenario.
Now, Not Launchpad definitely isn't afraid of losing and his boss replacing him with a robot, but he has a friend Let's call him, uh, "Launchpad" Who is very worried about that.
So, I he they Uh, thought you could help figure out how to take this robot down, yes? Oh, in this scenario, you're still you.
Dummy! There's some dummies here to see you.
At your beck and call, Dr.
Gearloose.
I heard everything.
Everything.
I'm happy to prove my worth by aiding Mr.
McQuack.
Dr.
Gearloose is working on an innovation that will better all of mankind both literally, and figuratively.
Behold! Operating passcode: - Blathering - No! That [CHUCKLES] is not ready yet.
- Go to your room! - Aah! Ohh.
Forgive Dr.
Gearloose.
He's a little more deranged than usual trying to figure out how Beaks beat him to the self-driving car.
That won't be a problem once I put that tin can in its place.
In the recycling, where the garbage goes.
Woof.
We'll work on smack talk later.
Right now we need something to help Launchpad get the edge on BUDDY.
Step into my laboratory.
Your lab is in the bathroom? Dr.
Gearloose says this is the perfect place for my work.
I'm just now realizing that remark may not have been entirely complimentary.
No matter! So, how are we going to soup up your car? Frictionless tires? Oscillating overthruster? An engine that can bend the very fabric of space itself? Yes! All of that.
Eh, I don't know about all these gizmos.
Can't you just give me a couple pointers on how to beat that robot? Reprogramming a man's brain to compete with a sophisticated auto intelligence.
Reprogram Launchpad? What about thinking with your gut and getting dangerous? Well, if Mr.
McD thinks this un-crashable robo-me is so great, I have to prove I can get dangerous in the safest way possible.
That's sure to get Dr.
Gearloose's attention.
[INTERN] It could work! [SPLASHING] I'll clean that later.
[INTERN] Don't go over 32 miles per hour.
And hit all turns at a safe 35-degree bend.
And increase velocity by 15% on straightaway.
These visual cues will trigger psychosomatic synaptic reflexes to improve your performance.
Did you get all that? Yes.
Welcome to the Waddle test track! Time for the ultimate contest between man and machine.
First around the block wins.
Don't worry, Mr.
McD.
- I got this.
- Good lad.
Beat this bionic blackguard, and I can probably talk Beaks down on price when I buy a fleet of them.
Anyway, good luck! Hey, you're the best personal driver I've ever had.
You got this! [INTERN] Follow the tips, and you have a 51% chance of winning.
And whatever you do, play it safe.
Don't crash! Wait, don't crash? Racers to your marks! Let's get dangerous! Get set [IMITATES LASERS] Hmm? That means go! And we're off.
Hands at ten and two.
Keep it in first gear.
Or was that hands at ten and one and second gear? Where's the index? Oh, no! [BOTH] Don't crash.
Don't crash! [GRUNTS] Gotta catch up! Uh, check your six.
Carry the two.
[GRUNTING] Huh? [PANTING] 17, other number, Q! [BUDDY] Adjusting for hazardous conditions.
[LAUNCHPAD GRUNTS] [LAUNCHPAD BLUBBERING] Whoa! [STRAINING, GRUNTS] Oh! He's gonna do it! Go, you bumblebee-like savant! - Go! - [GROANS] Whoo! [GROANING] [GRUNTS] - [RACE HORN BLOWS] - [SIGHS] Ha ha! Yes! Did it! Take that, everyone who's not me! Impressive display, Beaks.
You have really built something here.
[GYRO] Or did he? I couldn't be sure until I saw how it performed under pressure.
The precision, the deadly grace.
Oh, yes, I've seen it before.
Ha ha! Beaks Tech is actually Bulb Tech! That's how he beat me to the punch.
He stole my technology! Officer, arrest this man! - Is this true? - Of course not.
I didn't steal it from him.
I stole it from a public online forum, then "Beaks'd" it up.
How would one of my inventions end up online? [GASPS] - Oh, wow! - You! You circumvented the kill switch.
Why didn't anyone else on the message board figure that out? You posted my top-secret plans on the Internet?! You were having so much trouble keeping your inventions from turning evil, so I turned to the Net to crowdsource a solution? Rah! - [INTERN BLUBBERING] - [DEWEY] Easy! Easy! Gearloose, calm down! Fired! No.
Uh, back to town, Mr.
McD? That's all right, Launchpad.
We'll ride with Beaks and BUDDY to sign the sales paperwork.
Come on, Dewey.
So, how did you keep Bulb Tech from going bad? - Say what, now? - The morality circuits.
You modified them to keep them from going evil.
No, I just made them look less dorky.
They're dumb robots, right? Oh, no.
No, no, no, no.
No, no, no, no, no! [ALL SCREAMING] Room for one more? [BOTH SIGH] I have so many ideas, but I try too hard hoping at least one of them will stand out.
Just vomiting them out at random like, "Blah.
Solve world hunger.
Blah.
Infrared toothbrush.
" I just wanna help people, you know? - [DISTANT SCREAMING] - Make them better.
Why? Even if you try to be better, there always someone better than you.
Maybe with built-in Wi-Fi.
You'll just be ignored.
Best to stop trying.
Man, is there anyone having a worse day than us? [ALL SCREAMING] Churlish child locks! Please remain seated.
Take that, you pneumatic monstrosity! Buckle up for safety.
Sanctimonious seatbelts! Oh, we need a logic puzzle to fry its circuits.
- Uh, robot, what is love? - That's stupid! Robot, could I invent an element so heavy even I couldn't lift it? [CHUCKLES] I definitely could.
No, you couldn't! - Aah! - [GASPS] Give it a rest, geniuses! [HORN BLOWING] Yes, you've replaced me with a cool robot car.
I get it.
[GROUP SCREAMING] BUDDY's gone glitchy.
- They're in trouble! - What? I may not be Mr.
McD's driver for much longer, but he can still count on me to get him where he's going.
I'll keep him busy.
You figure out a way to get them out of that car.
I think I got something for that.
You try corralling them into a ravine, or I'll probably just crash into it.
[ENGINE REVS] Isn't that really, really unsafe? Tried playing it safe, old friend didn't work.
- Let's get dangerous.
- Let's get dangerous.
Launchpad! Give me your hand! - [PHONE LINE RINGING] - Come on! Pick up, pick up, pick up! [PHONE RINGING] [HOOF TAPPING] Manny! Salvation! I know we've had our differences in the past, but now we must put them aside for the greater good of scientific endeavor.
What say you? It's me! Fenton Crackshell Cabrera.
Just put the phone up to the floor! Operating passcode: Blathering blatherskite! [LAUNCHPAD STRAINING] Manny, did anything happen? Whoa! Please keep your hands and arms inside the vehicle at all times.
[GRUNTS] Aah! Dewey! [SCREAMING] - [GASPS] - Gotcha! [LAUGHS] Wow! Hold on, I'll get you out of here somehow.
Oh, good, another robot.
[SUIT] Calculating options.
Activating shoulder blades.
I suggest you hold very, very still.
[SCROOGE GROANING] Oh, hey! [BEAKS, GYRO EXCLAIM] - [SUIT BUZZES] - Come on! [SUIT] Incoming threat.
Come on, suit, do something! Defense mode activated.
Whoa, look out! [SCROOGE] Who the blazes are you? Call me Gizmoduck! - Gizmoduck? - Gizmoduck.
Suit, make it stop.
Make it stop! Suit, help! Activating gluteal grapple.
Ack, miss! Uh, something else! Activating pectoral parachute.
[GIZMODUCK] Stop, stop! Brakes! Brakes! Aah! Huh? - [GASPING] - You were a robot this whole time, huh? - Neat.
- I'm not a Warning, incoming threat.
Move! [TIRES SQUEAL] - Aah! - Aah! [TIRES SCREECHING] For your safety, please stop the vehicle and return to the passenger seat.
Looks like the only way to survive is to crash.
Too dangerous! Too dangerous! [ALL LAUGHING] Take that, you bucket of bolts.
Oh, I'm sorry, is that offensive, or - I'm not a - [ROCKS CRUMBLING] [ALL SCREAMING] [SUIT] Activate helmet-copter.
[LAUGHS] Whoo-ooh! I'm alive! This is awesome! Aww, looks like somebody's first crash.
Have a good day, Mr.
McD.
Nice work today, Launchpad.
See you tomorrow.
You're not gonna replace me? Replace you? Don't be daft.
Where would I ever find a driver as crazy and dangerous as I am? Oh! Dewey told me about your driver's license.
Congratulations.
[GRUNTS] Aww, your approval is all the driver's license I need.
Come on.
[STRAINING] You should really keep the license.
Sir, I was cleaning out my desk when suddenly the prototype armor burst from the chamber like so many split atoms, and Eh, save it.
You're not fired Gizmoduck.
[SIGHS] Scrooge is always complaining my inventions are dangerous.
This armor's gotta be 100% idiot proof, and, well, you're just the idiot to prove it.
Oh, thank you, sir! You won't regret this.
This project stays top secret till it's out of beta.
I won't tell a soul.
[LAUNCHPAD] Bye, Gyro! Bye, Gizmoduck! From now on.
[SIGHS] Gizmoduck.
What a stupid name.
Gizmoduck I must have him.