Everyone Else Burns (2023) s01e03 Episode Script

Episode 3

How was your first day
at the care home?
Amazing. I got to feed pureed
casserole to an old man
with chewing difficulties. You know
that feeling when you help someone?
Help someone swallow a casserole?
No, I don't. And I don't think I
want to.
How are you getting home?
Just a tram, then a bus then
another tram,
but I'm happy to avail myself
of Oldham's transport system.
It's extremely reliab
Oh, no, you didn't finish your sentence
on the Greater Manchester Tram Network.
Might be the most boring
cliffhanger ever.
All trams are cancelled.
I meant it when I said I could give
you a lift.
And I meant it when I said,
"Thanks, but sharing a vehicle would
be inappropriate."
Well, enjoy your four-hour walk
home. It's the appropriate choice.
David! You came back.
Sometimes suffering brings growth.
Job was afflicted with skin sores,
Jonah was eaten by a whale,
..work in this delivery office.
I'm just so grateful
that you're here.
Well, if you really want
to thank me,
explain why this is in the medium
pile when it's clearly under 500g.
Are you sure?
It's 495g, Sid. It's painful to
me you can't see that.
Huh, close.
Nice to see even you can get
a bit rusty!
If the police stop us, promise you'll
say you're not a kidnapping victim?
Joshua, don't make this weird.
I'm the one making this weird?
I'm not ashamed to be with you.
I'm ashamed to be seen with you.
Nothing offensive there.
Oh! Sorry.
You got much on this week?
Well, it's my birth date
on Friday, so no.
Rachel, birthday.
In the real world, we say birthday.
No, birthdays are debauched.
Sure, it might look fun
to have
..presents and cake
and loved ones, but
Were you building to a point there?
On Friday, I will celebrate
the right way.
By not celebrating.
And since I'm coming of age, I get
to go to Abijah's special sermon.
Abijah's a special sermon?
It's a talk on relationships
and courtship and
Sex. Relationships and courtship.
Got you.
Well, if you're free Friday,
you could always come to mine.
Unless not celebrating's going
to take up your whole day.
Let me know.
Ah, wonderful.
Still working away, I see,
on your business. Mm-hm.
And that random power cut
didn't break your flow?
You didn't interpret that as a sign
from God to stop?
David, are you so scared of being
direct with me
you'd rather trip the fuse box
than tell me how you feel?
No! We just have a dodgy fuse box.
And the fact the kettle reliably
trips it,
that hadn't crossed my mind.
However, since I'm here
Melissa's coming to look at stock
tomorrow. David, if you want more
of my attention, how about you ask
for it instead of holding me
ransom to power outages?
I'm going to make a peppermint tea.
Oh, no! Did that get you?
I switched to the emergency
power bank.
The one you got for the apocalypse.
So glad I bought that.
Thanks so much for approving
this, Elder.
I can't wait to stir
these young hearts.
Oh, I was against this, Abijah.
Don't thank me.
Thank the 6-5 majority
that voted me down.
You're not going to stay,
are you, Dad?
Obviously not.
It's a teenage sex education talk.
Why would I Take a seat,
please, girls.
This isn't just about intercourse,
but how to make your relationships
rock solid when they might otherwise
drift apart.
Maybe I'll stick around,
make sure it's all above board.
First slide, please.
Dream catcher.
Cherub-themed candle holder.
"Bread Of Life" chopping board.
Sacrilegious and gaudy.
Wait. These are like purity rings.
I could sell these to Order girls.
Don't know how I feel about
burdening a whole wave of young
women with sexual shame.
I could buy them for 2, sell them
for eight.
Fuck yeah, do it.
That's a 400% mark-up.
Yeah. My principles die
in the low 80s.
Did you never think about kids?
If I had kids, I'd just end up
resenting 'em,
and they'd resent me.
And then years later, I'd find out
they'd gone on some kind of spree.
There are no good sprees, Fiona.
It's easy to raise kids
in the Order.
Our Elders are masterful educators.
Boys -
gross! Right?
Well, not according to God.
Interesting quotation there.
Buy myrrh
Communion with the opposite sex
is natural.
And if you need proof,
check out this babe magnet.
In case you were wondering what
Elder Samson got up to when he was
still with the Prestwich chapter!
Those are my sisters.
Only joking, Elder.
Hannah passed away last year.
Next slide, please.
But it's not just
about finding a boy.
It's about finding the boy,
the one to share your first
time with.
And by first time,
he means kiss.
And by kiss, he means on the lips.
In case any of you are getting
any ideas.
I have a question on behalf
of my daughter.
Dad! If your partner's too busy
with work, what should you do?
Well, you could try to respect
her work.
Yeah. Keep going.
Why not make time for each other
by planning an exciting date?
Obviously, the dating ideas
from slide four are geared more
towards teenagers.
Email me slide four.
I have a question.
Are there any other ways I can
safeguard my virtue?
Well, girls, I'm going to go
against the grain a little here
and say that now is the time
for discovery.
Dating is just your journey
to the one,
so let's open those minds.
OK, I'm shutting this down now.
Remove yourself.
Apologies for that, girls.
So, the real take-aways from this
are sex is for marriage,
dating is for marriage, and marriage
is to be kept within the Order.
Non-Order members are your enemies,
both personally and sexually.
Now, I'm going to pair you all up
for ministry.
Hopefully an afternoon of preaching
will scour your brains of everything
Abijah has just said.
Sister Lewis, you'll be
with Sister Angeli.
Sister Edna, you'll be with
Sister Clough. Dad, can we go?
I don't want to get paired with
anyone intense.
Calm yourself, Rachel.
I'm sure this Sister Angeli
is just as laid back as I am.
Hey, Sister, how long can you
preach for?
I've got nowhere to be
and boundless energy!
Is this right?
We've fallen off my preaching map
and gone into the blank
space around it.
Oh, my.
Would you say we're very far
from the Order Church, Sister?
God, I hate buckles.
It's Julia, by the way,
not Sister Angeli.
And I'm fucking hungry.
There's a light in my life
Shining over me
There's a light in my life ♪
Shining over me ♪
Should we be in here?
They've got magazines with foil
on the cover.
This is disturbing.
It is disturbing - the idea you'd
buy those
when there's porn online for free.
And the pictures move.
Here. This is for me.
That way I can eat one bar, claim
there's summat wrong with the other,
still get a full refund.
Basically been recycling
my 65p for
Pfft. Half a year?
I should leave.
Hey, hey, hey.
I'm not the Antichrist.
He'd be more subtle.
Just honest.
Jesus rewards honesty.
With Mars bars.
Well, can I have the other half?
Oh, Rachel.
Shining over me. ♪
My love, I've returned to make your
day that little bit brighter.
You're literally
blocking out my light.
So, I've been thinking, we haven't
been on a date in a while.
Not since
Well, not since we were paired together
for our marriage meal with Elder Raab.
David, he chaperoned us
the whole time.
You put your hand on my knee
and he accused you of "infidelitas."
I don't think that qualifies
as a date.
The only date I've been on
is when the Elders nearly paired me
with Andrew 18 years ago.
Well, let's move away from the more
loathsome corners of history
and focus on the present.
What better way to celebrate our 18
years together
than with our well, our
first date?
Abijah's had some ideas.
I've eliminated skatepark
and Laser Quest,
but we could go to a silent disco.
Before you say it's too raucous,
remember, we don't have to put
the headphones on.
How about we go to that noodle
bar on Well Street?
Cuisine from Japan?
Fiona, the furthest I've been from
Greater Manchester is Guernsey.
You expect my taste buds
to cross whole continents?
David, here's what I really need -
streamlined website, cashless
and for you to show my work
some respect.
Oh, there's that word again.
I respect your work all the time.
For instance
Fiona, I would like to buy a bag.
I already gave you a bag!
You haven't used it once.
Can I ask you to do one practical
thing for me?
Anything, Fiona. Wait.
Tell me what it is.
I might not want to do it.
Arrange childcare for Aaron.
He's on half-term.
And let me process my orders.
Sure, I'm free.
Don't you have a
delivery office shift?
Aaron, you're coming to work
with me today.
OK, Dad.
Childcare sorted.
You know what Elder Samson
said today?
Would you ever date anyone
who wasn't in the Order?
I only date people who aren't
in the Order.
Have you seen the Order boys?
They've all got names like Jeremiah.
And they only lost about ten
seconds. They last ten seconds?
I'll tell you when you're older.
But how do you make it work
with the rules?
There's this guy who wants
to hang out with me on Friday.
Do what all functional religious
people do -
contrive a loophole.
You're not dating. You're
..bringing him into the faith.
So, make peace with that.
Enjoy it.
OK. Right.
Rachel, will you get over here
and spin me?
And put your back into it.
I wanna feel the Gs.
This is it, Aaron,
my seat of command,
the nexus from which all
packages stream.
Cool. Um, David?
David, I'm not sure I'm comfortable
with you bringing your son here.
OK, Sid, why don't you show me
the rule that says I can't make
my 12-year-old son work?
Child Labour Act of 1933?
So you're gonna want to start by
grabbing a pack
Aaron, your zeal is infectious,
but that's the trolley
for out-of-county shipping.
It is out of county. It was in
the wrong pile.
How did you know this was
a Berkshire postcode?
It just felt right.
Samson's mane!
My seed is strong.
Maybe I will let him stay.
Whilst we talk here,
I'm already stressing about replying
to this guy,
and the spinning is making it worse.
Hmm. The more nauseous you get,
the more centred I feel.
Oh, my gosh!
Oh, my gosh. Oh, my gosh. It's him.
It's him.
OK, so answer.
Now, in front of me.
Without peer pressure, you risk
making a responsible decision.
Hello? Hello.
Hey! It was fun having you crammed
in my footwell yesterday.
Yes. Fun.
So, have you made a decision
about Friday?
No pressure or anything. I just
wanted to Um
Friday, I have Bible study.
Could you move it?
Cool. I think you know my address.
You ran off from it in a rage
like three weeks ago.
She wants to show
you her burning bush!
Figured you'd yell something,
so I hung up early.
Wait. Why is it burning?
You tell me, Rachel.
You tell me.
I'm wondering if I should
get your mother a gift. Mm-hm.
Surcharge sticker.
I could finally give her
that recording of my Bible reading.
I've got as far as Exodus.
And the energy I brought
to the parting of the Red Sea
surprised even me.
Doesn't that sound good?
A gift that lets her hear me
at full volume any time at all?
I guess just make sure it's not
..possessive. Could get her
a bracelet.
OK. And engrave it to say,
"David's. Only David's."
I think Mum wants to know
that you care about her work.
Why do you think I work here all day
completely unappreciated?
David, you're my idol.
I've offered to give you
my job multiple times.
Totally thankless.
Just think about it.
Whoa there!
That's not enough postage
for a 600g package.
It's 585g, Dad.
Are you sure? Because
I'm just slowing you down, Aaron.
It's a privilege to watch.
Will his parents be there?
No. Nice.
You're definitely going to bang.
I'm exaggerating.
You're too uptight for that.
You'll probably just snog each other
long past the point
where it's enjoyable.
I can't go. I
I can't go. I'm going to tell him
that I can't skip Bible study.
You're going to skip Bible study,
and I'm going to cover for you.
You'd do that for me?
Of course. Your relationship stories
are already tepid.
Do not take a step back.
It's OK, Fiona. I haven't sabotaged
the power on this occasion.
Or any other occasion.
What is it, David?
I bought you something.
David, I'm not sure I want any of
your gifts right now.
The last time you gave me something,
it was a locket of my hair you'd
taken without my knowledge.
Collected from your pillow, Fiona.
I didn't use scissors. That would
have crossed a line.
It's a card reader.
I actually need this. I'm
I'm going to use this.
I'm going to use one of your gifts
for the first time.
Come now, what about that feminine
shaver I bought you?
For the first time, David.
Oh, my chastity rings
have sold out.
Parents are panicking about
Abijah's sex talk.
And I'm taking that panic
to the bank.
Do you want to go to the noodle bar?
We could ask Melissa to babysit.
An outsider?
An intruder in my sacred grove?
Sounds good.
You're looking very smart, Aaron.
This is, at best, smart casual.
I'm not even wearing a tie.
So, what you want to do? TV?
Ice cream?
Vandalise your dad's stuff?
I'm cool with all of that.
I'm going to draw religious imagery.
That fun, is it?
Using my pencils for the glory of
God? What could be more fun?
You're a really weird kid, Aaron.
Kinda like you, though.
Thank you, Melissa.
I'm still forming my opinion of you.
My menu is my place mat?
Well, if you wanted to blow my mind,
you've succeeded.
I'll have the rice bowl. David?
I feel like I'm on
a culinary odyssey.
Tell me, waiter, this so-called
ramen, is it noodles or is it soup?
It's noodles in soup.
I'm going to need more time.
And why, pray tell, would I choose
to eat seaweed?
Come on up. I hope you're ready.
Don't come in. Oh.
Just finishing some stuff.
Why are all the lights dimmed?
To set the mood.
It's a special evening.
Now, traditionally, for this next
bit, you need to close your eyes.
Close my eyes?
Are they closed?
Stick out your hands.
Come on, this way.
There you go.
Look, I'm not ready to bang, OK?
Wow. Let's park that red flag
for a sec.
This is what a week's worth
of dog walking buys you.
Helium's pricey, so you'll just have
to settle for my lung air.
Now, I know the Order says birthdays
are a pagan ritual.
That's fine, because this isn't
a birthday cake.
It's just a nondenominational sponge
that happens to have 17 candles
and your name on it.
You OK?
You haven't blinked
in the last 30 seconds.
Aaron, this is amazing.
I love the detail.
Like this guy David.
So, he's throwing his stone
over here,
but on the opposite side, it is
hitting this guy in the head.
Goliath. Yeah.
Somebody finally noticed that.
Can you believe my dad
thought he was one of the Nephilim?
I mean, that's like mistaking Josiah
for the prophet Elijah.
What do you make of your dad, Aaron?
He finds a lot of things difficult,
but he tries.
Cor, that's a good six pack,
in't it? It's an eight pack.
This drink is delicious.
That's miso soup, David.
Fiona, you're a cultural queen.
How do you know all this stuff?
I googled the menu in advance.
And learnt rudimentary Japanese.
You even know the waiter's name.
David, before you start
on that
..dumpling Mm-hm.
..it was very thoughtful what
you got me earlier, so
You got me a return token of love?
You can just rip it.
It's from my wife.
I'm going to savour it.
Might even keep the wrapping
paper in one single
Oh, Fiona.
But I'm not really an Elder.
They didn't choose me.
But I chose you, David.
All those years ago.
And you'd choose me again today?
I chose you, David.
I can't wait to see what people
think when I wear this in church.
Never wear it in church.
No. Right. Of course.
So bang.
I'm impressed you know
what it means, to be fair.
You've only just learnt
what a birthday is.
I'm sorry. Someone told me.
It's OK.
How's your cake?
I scraped all the icing off.
Didn't want to blow your mind.
What's up?
This is really nice.
Yeah? You don't sound sure.
No, I am.
Thank you for remembering
my birthday.
Friends always remember birthdays.
It's Me, O Lord by Pastor TL
Barrett and Youth for Christ Choir
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