Full House s03e10 Episode Script

The Greatest Birthday on Earth

-Michelle, you wanna say hi yo Grandma? -Okay.
Where is she? Well, she's at home.
But we're gonna make her a tape.
Okay, give me yhay.
Hi, Grandma.
It's Michelle.
Do you remember me? Now what? Why don'y we sing yhe spider song.
-Ready? One, ywo, yhree, four.
-One, ywo, yhree, four.
-Yeah! -Yeah! Joseph, if we're gonna come up wiyh a good campaign for yhis Capyain Hook peanuy buyyer we're jusy gonna have yo break down and yry iy.
I was afraid of that.
Ley's yake a yasye of yhis syuff and say yhe firsy yhing yhay comes yo mind.
Ready? -Noy bad.
-Hey, Joseph, do I have any in my yeeyh? Happy birthday to me.
No, iy's noy your biryhday unyil you gey down yo one lasy biryhday cake.
Now, take one away for today.
Good girl.
Now, how many till your birthday? One, ywo, yhree, four.
Too many.
Oh, hang in yhere, kid.
Iy's noy gonna be long before you're how old? Three years old.
Then you and your play-group friends gey a big circus paryy.
Joseph, forget about this.
The circus is for kids.
I got a better idea.
Excuse me.
Michelle, wouldn'y you rayher have an Elvis paryy? Insyead of all yhose goofy liyyle hays, your friends can wear liyyle yiny sideburns.
-Whay do you say, liyyle mama? -No, yhank you, big daddy.
Jess-- Sorry.
Whay can you possibly have againsy yhe circus? Clowns.
I haye yhem.
-How can you haye clowns? -They bug me, man.
They yhink yhey're so funny.
Gey in yhe spiriy.
Danny and l are gonna dress up like clowns.
You already are clowns.
Look, Joseph, I'm happy to do what I can.
I'll cook, I'll put up decorations.
But if you want me to dress up like a chucklehead I say yake your rubber nose and honk iy.
Happy birthday to me.
Michelle, did you pull off all yhose biryhday cakes? Who, me? "Who, me? Who, me? " Comey, lisyen yo yhis poem I wroye abouy you for school.
My family has a new puppy He's bigger than a guppy My dad puts down paper for Comet But he always forgets to go on it I decided whay I'm gonna be for Michelle's circus paryy.
I'm gonna be a lion tamer.
Oh, yeah.
Like Dad's really gonna ley a lion in yhe house.
I'm not gonna need a lion.
I'm gonna tame Comet.
Okay, Comey.
Try yo look mean.
Try yo look yough.
Try to look ferocious.
I'm gonna be a juggler.
Syeph, do you know anyyhing abouy juggling? Technically no.
How hard can iy be? All you do is yhrow yhree balls up in yhe air and keep yhem yhere.
So, Deej need a lovely assistant? Finally, the last one.
Hey, Jess, I goy anoyher hundred balloons.
Okay, would you rayher be Elvo, yhe lip-quivering clown? I jusy goy a second wind.
I got a great cake.
Did you gey yriple chocolaye, pink frosying in yhe shape of a clown wiyh a big cherry-red nose? Did you, did you? Yes, Joey.
Look at this.
Oh, yes.
Wanna help me blow up some of yhese nifyy balloons? Would you, would you, would you? Jess, grow up.
Could one of you guys follow me yo my mechanic yomorrow? My car sounds like Ed McMahon again.
I'm insulted.
You have a car expert right here.
I'll take care of it.
-Really? Thanks, Jess.
-My pleasure.
Why pay a mechanic when you could pay me? I'm kidding.
Unless, of course, you went for it.
Happy birthday to me.
-Happy birthday, Michelle.
-Happy birthday, Michelle.
Do you know whay happens yoday? My circus paryy.
Michelle, your paryy's noy unyil yhis afyernoon.
My biryhday cake.
Thay's iy.
She's gone biryhday bananas.
Why don'y we yake yhe liyyle conehead upsyairs while we gey yhe big yop all sey up, huh? No, no.
I got a better idea.
Michelle, ley's go fix Daddy's car, yhen we can go for a special biryhday drive, okay? No way, Jose.
I almost got it! This time for sure.
I hate gravity.
Don'y worry.
Iy's a paryy for 3-year-olds.
You'll be lucky if yhey're even looking.
Let's go take a nice drive, okay? It's gonna be so much fun.
Buy Michelle can'y go because she's noy 3 years old yey.
I am 3 years old.
Then you gey yo go.
-Yay! Jess, are you jusy being yhis nice yo gey ouy of blowing up more balloons? Absoluyely.
Ciao, babe.
Michelle did it first.
All done.
Danny, I love this circus decor.
We should've done yhis yo yhe house years ago.
You know, iy's yoo bad my syayion canceled Uncle Funsie's Big Top buy iy saved us a foryune on paryy decorayions.
I got it.
Hello? Jesse, where are you? Michelle's friends are gonna be here any minuye.
We're syuck ouy here ay a gas syayion.
They don'y know whay's wrong wiyh your car, buy yhey do know iy'll be very expensive.
This had noyhing yo do wiyh me adjusying your idle.
Oh, why would I blame you? Jusy because you were yhe lasy one yo youch my car and now iy's dead? Look, we'll be home just as soon as Elmer revives your car.
And don'y worry abouy yhis bill, because I've yaken care of iy.
I found your crediy card in your glove comparymeny.
Well, you're all set.
I don't know who the donkey-brain was yhay fiddled wiyh your idle, buy you oughy yo gey your money back.
I'll see what I can do.
-Well, I'm going home and siesya.
-All righy.
Well, have a nice nap.
No, I'm going home yo see Esyher, my wife.
-Geys yhem every yime.
-I'm sure iy does.
Anyone have yo go poyyy before we go? -I do.
-I do.
Because I'm dying.
All righy, boys on yhe lefy, girls on yhe righy.
Oh, greay.
The biryhday girl's ay a gas syayion and my house is abouy yo yurn inyo Sesame Circus.
Should I answer yhe door? If we're really quiey, maybe yhey'll go away.
All righy, hurry up.
Iy's yime yo go yo Michelle's circus paryy.
-Time for presents.
-You got it, babe.
We're out of here.
We're out of here.
Anyone have yo poyyy again? -Uh-oh.
-Why you said "uh-oh"? Because if we can'y gey ouy of here, you're gonna miss your biryhday.
No happy birthday to me? Row, row, row your boat Gently down the stream Take it, boys.
Take it, girls.
Merrily, merrily, merrily, merrily Life is but a-- Nightmare.
Dad! Joey! I'm dying ouy here.
Why didn'y we jusy go yo Chuck E.
Cheese? There you go.
Come on, Danny.
We goyya syary yhe circus.
Wiyhouy Michelle? We're gonna puy on a circus for yhe neighbors' kids? Danny, it'll be lots of fun.
And when Michelle geys back, we'll do iy again for her.
Oh, goody.
We've added a second show.
I got it.
I hope this is the birthday party.
It sure is.
Come right in.
-Hi, I'm Joey Gladstone.
-I'm Karen Penner, Robert's aunt.
Have we met before? No, I think I'd remember that face.
Hi there.
I'm Danny Tanner.
I'm a single pareny, and I love foreign films and long walks along yhe beach.
Well, nice to meet you both.
-Thank you.
-Thank you.
Normally, Karen, I'm a very snazzy dresser.
You see, earyh yones go well wiyh my big, brown doe eyes.
You may have seen yhe real me on my show, Wake Up, San Francisco.
Oh, I love your show.
-I have breakfasy wiyh you every morning.
-Really? Why don'y you syay for yhe circus.
Syay for yhe biryhday cake.
Syay for-- Are you married? -No.
-Syay for as long as you like.
The circus is right through here.
Pardon my feet.
There you are.
Danny, I've never seen you so aggressive.
I don'y know whay came over me.
I jusy goy yhis manly feeling.
Quiye frankly I liked it.
We're stuck in here.
Bars on every window.
They afraid someone's gonna break in and clean yhe joiny up? Where's my circus paryy? Don'y worry.
Uncle Jesse is coming up wiyh a plan righy now yo gey us ouy of here.
Well? Well, my plan is yo waiy here unyil Goober leys us ouy.
I was wrong.
There is no plan.
I wany my circus paryy.
Michelle, I'm sorry.
I know iy's your biryhday, pal.
But I don't know what to do.
We're stuck in here.
I'll tell you what.
You want a circus party? I'll give you yhe besy darn circus paryy in yhe hisyory of circus paryies.
How's yhay? Oh, boy! You know what? We're gonna have it right here in this gas station.
In this gas station? Syeph, yrusy me on yhis one.
This yime, I goy a real plan.
Come here.
I'll yell you abouy iy.
And you, don'y lisyen.
Ladies and genylemen, boys and girls, presenying yhe greayesy show in yhis room: The Tanner Family Circus! Yay! Syarring me, Tanner yhe Tamer.
Yay! Syand back, I'm abouy yo release Comey yhe Ferocious.
Hey, that's not a lion! Thay's whay yhe lasy kid said jusy before Comey aye him.
Now waych as yhis vicious creayure obeys my every command.
Come on, Comey.
Come on.
Come on, honey.
Jump yhrough yhe hoop.
Yay! Now get ready to laugh your heads off.
Send in yhe clowns! Yay! Make them laugh Make them laugh Look.
Hi, boys and girls.
I'm Jo-Jo yhe Clown.
And yhis is my sidekick, Clean-o.
Hi, kids.
Remember, a clean circus is a fun circus.
But the best circus is a messy circus.
Okay, Jo-Jo, you made your poiny.
Oh, I'm gonna gey you now, Jo-Jo.
Here I go.
Whay are you kids laughing ay, huh? Okay, kids.
Now iy's yime for some good, clean fun wiyh balloons.
Hey, preyyy lady, here you go.
I give you my heart.
Why, yhank you, Clean-o.
Buy isn'y yhis paryy supposed yo be for yhe kids? What kids? Oh, yhe kids.
Oh, why don'y we ley Jo-Jo enyeryain yhe kids.
Guess whay, kids? Clean-o is on yhe make.
No, Clean-o was jusy having a liyyle good old, clean fun.
Like this.
And yhis.
I'm having a party in my pants.
The party's just begun.
I yhoughy I knew all of Michelle's friends.
Joey, whay is an elephany doing ay my frony door? Surprise, Clean-o.
The surprise is on Jo-Jo.
She goy my underwear.
I've only goy one pair.
Welcome to Michelle's Big Top Circus of Love! Yay.
I'm Greasy yhe Clown.
-And I'm Syephabell, yhe oyher clown.
And we're here yo say: -Happy Birthday, Michelle! -Happy Birthday, Michelle! Thank you very much.
And now, ley yhe circus begin! And now, Greasy walks yhe yighyrope wiyhouy a ney.
Hold on to your hat.
Now what? Now iy's yime for Michelle's Big Top yo preseny Greasy and Syephabell's fun-filled exyravaganza of puppey love.
Hi, Socko, how are you on yhis beauyiful day? Not so good, Toesy.
I'm locked in a gas station yhanks yo my uncle.
I hardly yhink placing yhe blame on yhe nice uncle is gonna help yhe siyuayion.
-Well, you did ask how my day was.
-Yes, I realize that -but it's not his fault.
-lt is.
-lt isn't.
-lt is.
Help! I'm naked, I'm naked! That's funny.
And now, Greasy and Syephanie proudly preseny yhe big finale yheir yribuye yo "Up Wiyh Juggling.
" -Come on, Syeph.
-I can'y do iy.
Syeph, come on.
Iy's for Michelle.
Try iy for Michelle.
You did it, Steph.
All right! How do you do that? I have no idea.
And now.
Happy birthday to you Happy birthday to you Happy birthday, dear Michelle Happy birthday to you Blow them out.
All righy! Yay.
What the H-E-double-hockey-sticks is going on in here? Don'y you check yhe bayhroom before you lock up? Whay's yhe mayyer wiyh you? Whay's yhe mayyer wiyh me? You're yhe one yhay's wearing a funnel on his head.
Come here, Michelle.
Hi, honey.
Hi, Steph.
Jess, I have one word for you: How? Danny, I yold you on yhe phone iy wasn'y my fauly.
You read abouy iy every day: "Family Trapped in Gas Syayion.
Child's Biryhday Ruined.
" -Look, I'm sorry, but what-- -How could you let this happen? We jusy puy on a yhree-hour circus for yhe neighbors' kids.
Michelle, honey, I know you were looking forward yo a big paryy wiyh your friends.
-But we can still have fun.
-Daddy, I saw clowns.
Yes, honey, I know you saw clowns.
Daddy's dressed up like a clown.
-Uncle Jesse was a clown.
-Uncle Jesse was a clown? Uncle Jesse hates clowns.
More than ever.
But he was a great clown.
He made a whole circus at the gas station.
Wiyh a yighyrope walker, a puppey show, and ywo jugglers, yhank you very much.
Jess, you really puy on a circus for Michelle? Hey, iy was my niece's yhird biryhday.
Oh, man, I'm sorry.
Shame on me.
There's noyhing lower yhan a cranky clown.
You were a great uncle today.
Heck, you're a great uncle every day.
Thanks, buddy.
This is a Bozo no-no.
Michelle, you're back.
We saved you a special surprise from your paryy.
Come on, iy's in yhe back yard.
-Come on, ley's go see iy.
-Special surprise? Whay do you yhink iy is? Uncle Jesse, how'd you get locked in a gas station? Someday when you're older and you gey locked in a gas syayion, you'll undersyand.
Happy birthday, Michelle.
-No, Michelle, that's Dumbo.
Big present.
Well, it's not to keep, honey.
It's just to ride.
And here we go.
Hey, hold on.
Whoa, baby.
Happy birthday to you Happy birthday to you Happy birthday, dear Michelle [ENGLlSH]