Full House s04e09 Episode Script

HEY.
STEPH, WHAT'S GOING ON? I'M JUST FINISHING COMET'S BIRTHDAY CAKE.
I MADE HIS FAVORITE-- MEAT LOAF WITH CHEESE FROSTING.
THAT LOOKS JUST GREAT.
JUST DON'T ASK ME TO LICK OFF THE SPOON, OK? DO I SEE A CAKE? THIS IS FOR COMET'S BIRTHDAY PARTY.
KEEP YOUR PAWS OFF.
I'LL TRY.
BUT BIRTHDAY CAKE MAKES ME CRAZY! DID I JUST HEAR YOU SAY YOU'RE THROWING A BIRTHDAY PARTY FOR COMET? LOOK, I KNOW HE'S FAMILY, BUT-- SHHH! NOT IN FRONT OF THE D-O-G.
I CAN SPELL MICHELLE.
M-I-C- H-E-L- L-L-LE! THAT WAS VERY GOOD, MICHELLE-EL-EL-EL-EL- EL-EL.
DAD, COULD YOU GET COMET OUT OF THE HOUSE LATER SO JOEY AND I CAN SET UP HIS SURPRISE PARTY? OH, AND WHERE DO YOU WANT ME TO TAKE HIM, DINNER AND A MOVIE? DON'T BE SILLY.
HE'S A DOG.
TAKE HIM SHOPPING.
MMM! FROSTING! YUCK! YOU'RE A BAD COOK.
* AHH * * AHH * * WHATEVER HAPPENED TO PREDICTABILITY * * THE MILKMAN, THE PAPER BOY * * EVENIN' TV * * HOW DID I GET DELIVERED HERE * * SOMEBODY TELL ME, PLEASE * * THIS OLD WORLD'S * * CONFUSIN' ME * * CLOUDS AS MEAN AS YOU'VE EVER SEEN * * AIN'T A BIRD WHO KNOWS YOUR TUNE * * THEN A LITTLE VOICE INSIDE YOU WHISPERS * * KID, DON'T SELL YOUR DREAMS SO SOON * * EVERYWHERE YOU LOOK * * EVERYWHERE YOU LOOK * * THERE'S A HEART * * A HAND TO HOLD ONTO * * EVERYWHERE YOU LOOK * * EVERYWHERE YOU LOOK * * THERE'S A FACE OF SOMEBODY WHO NEEDS YOU * * EVERYWHERE YOU LOOK * * WHEN YOU'RE LOST OUT THERE * * AND YOU'RE ALL ALONE * * A LIGHT IS WAITIN' * * TO CARRY YOU HOME * * EVERYWHERE YOU LOOK * * EVERYWHERE YOU LOOK * * DO BE DO BA BA DA ** CAPTIONING MADE POSSIBLE BY WARNER BROS.
* MY SHARONA * * DOO DOO DOO DOO, DOOT DEET * * NOW NOW NOW NOW NOW * * NEE NEE NEE NEE NEE * * NOO NOO NOO NOO NOO * * NOO-NUN-NUN-NUN-NUN * * DOODLE-OO-WOODLE-OO * * WAA WAA WAA ** GET DOWN, JOSEPH! I AM DOWN.
I CAN'T GET UP.
COME ON! WHOA! THANKS, JESS.
HEY, AREN'T YOU GONNA BE LATE FOR YOUR HIGH SCHOOL REUNION? YEAH, I'M JUST GOING OVER SOME OLD TUNES.
GETTING BACK TOGETHER WITH MY OLD HIGH SCHOOL BAND TONIGHT.
WOW! 10-YEAR HIGH SCHOOL REUNION.
HEY, YOU'RE SURE GETTING UP THERE, AREN'T YOU, GRANDPA? JOSEPH, IN LIFE WHAT'S IMPORTANT IS NOT YOUR AGE, BUT HOW MUCH HAIR YOU HAVE LEFT.
LIFE IS GOOD! [TELEPHONE RINGS.]
TALK TO ME.
[BEEP.]
[SEDUCTIVE GIRL'S VOICE.]
* MUSKRAT, MUSKRAT * * CANDLELIGHT * * DOING THE TOWN AND DOING IT RIGHT * LET'S DO IT RIGHT TONIGHT.
WE'VE GOT 10 YEARS TO MAKE UP FOR, JESSE.
I'LL SEE YOU LATER.
MM.
MY OLD GIRLFRIEND CARRIE SINGING OUR OLD SONG.
I DON'T BELIEVE IT.
ME NEITHER.
YOUR SONG WAS MUSKRAT LOVE? IT WAS PLAYING THE FIRST TIME WE KISSED.
WHERE WERE YOU? IN AN ELEVATOR? DON'T BE DUMB.
IT WAS A DENTIST'S OFFICE.
JOSEPH, YOU SHOULD'VE SEEN HER.
SHE HAD THE MOST INCREDIBLE HYPNOTIC EYES, THE FACE OF AN ANGEL, THE MOST AMAZING BODY REMEMBER BECKY? SHE WAS OK.
CARRIE FOWLER SHE WAS LIKE MY FIRST GREAT LOVE, YOU KNOW? YEAH.
ME AND HER HAD ALL THESE DREAMS, WE DREAMT OF GETTING MARRIED, HAVING KIDS, GRADUATING I HAVEN'T SEEN HER IN 10 YEARS AND I'M GONNA SEE HER TONIGHT.
JESS, WHAT HAPPENS IF ALL THOSE OLD FEELINGS COME BACK? YOU'RE ENGAGED.
OH, MY GOD.
I'M NOT GOING.
OH, COME ON, JESS, YOU'VE GOTTA GO TO YOUR HIGH SCHOOL REUNION.
YOU JUST BRING SOMEBODY ALONG THAT CAN, YOU KNOW, DISTRACT HER.
SOMEBODY INTELLIGENT, SEXY, EXTREMELY ATTRACTIVE YOU'RE RIGHT, JOEY.
BECKY! IN HERE, JESS! OH, I'M GLAD YOU'RE STILL HERE.
LISTEN, REMEMBER I SAID THAT YOU DIDN'T HAVE TO COME TO MY REUNION, BECAUSE YOU'D BE BORED TO DEATH? YES.
I CAN'T THANK YOU ENOUGH.
YOU'RE WELCOME AND YOU'RE COMING.
JESSE! REBECCA'S TAKING ME AND KIMMY DOWN TO THE STATION.
WE GET TO EYEWITNESS EYEWITNESS NEWS.
BUT THIS IS MY WANNA SHOW OFF MY FIANCEE.
BOY, YOU ARE ANCIENT.
THAT MEANS YOU STARTED HIGH SCHOOL BEFORE I WAS EVEN BORN.
THAT'S WHY WE CALL THEM THE GOOD OLD DAYS.
WELL THIS IS RESEARCH FOR AN ARTICLE FOR THE SCHOOL PAPER.
I'M THE EDITOR.
AND I GAVE MYSELF AN ASSIGNMENT.
SO IF I DON'T COME THROUGH FOR ME, I'M GONNA HAVE TO GIVE MYSELF A STERN LECTURE IN FRONT OF THE WHOLE CLASS.
AND IT'S HARD TO DO "THIS" TO YOURSELF.
I BETTER GO.
YEAH, AT WHAT TIME DOES THE PLEASE TELL ME YOU'RE KIDDING.
I'M SORRY, SWEETHEART.
I PROMISED THE GIRLS.
HAVE A GREAT TIME AT YOUR REUNION.
OKAY, I JUST WANNA GIVE YOU A GOODBYE KISS.
JUST ONE MORE, JUST-- JESS YOU ARE COMING BACK, AREN'T YOU? WELL, HERE WE ARE, BIRTHDAY BOY.
HOME AGAIN AFTER OUR LONG, LONG WALK.
HM, COMET, I WONDER WHY IT'S SO QUIET IN THERE.
WHY DON'T WE GO IN AND SEE? SURPRISE! THIS IS SO GREAT! DID YOU SEE THE LOOK ON COMET'S FACE? WHAT ABOUT THE LOOK ON MY FACE? STEPH, I THINK IT'S WONDERFUL THAT YOU WANTED TO THROW COMET A PARTY, BUT YOU HAD TO INVITE EVERY DOG ON THE BLOCK? DOES ANYBODY HERE HAVE TO USE THE HYDRANT? HEY, DON'T TAKE IT PERSONALLY, GUYS.
HE SAYS THAT TO ALL HIS DINNER GUESTS.
DAD, YOU KNOW ALL OF COMET'S FRIENDS THERE'S BOBO, WINKIE, SPARKY, ZSA ZSA, AND JAWS.
OH, THANK YOU.
IT'S NICE TO MEET YOU, TOO, JAWS.
JUST FOR THE RECORD, I AM NOT NOW, NOR HAVE I EVER BEEN, A MAILMAN, OKAY? YOU'RE LITTLE, JUST LIKE ME.
DO I LOOK LIKE AN ICE CREAM CONE? * RAPPY RIRTHDAY ROO ROO * * HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO YOU * * HAPPY BIRTHDAY, DEAR COMET * * HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO YOU * ROO! OK, COMET, MAKE A WISH.
YOU GOT IT , BOY? NOW BLOW OUT THE CANDLE.
STEPH, THE DOG CANNOT BLOW OUT A BIRTHDAY CANDLE.
OK, SMART GUY, NOW LET'S SEE YOU CUT THE CAKE AND PASS OUT SLICES.
HEY! JACK-MAN! HAMMER! HEE HEE HEE! ARGH! HUT! WHOA! JESS, YOU LOOK EXACTLY THE SAME! HAMMER, YOUDON'T.
JUST KIDDING.
HAM, YOU DON'T KNOW IF CARRIE FOWLER'S HERE YET, DO YOU? WHY? YOU STILL GOT THE HOTS FOR CARRIE? NO! NO.
HEY, HAM.
YOU HAPPEN TO BE LOOKING AT A GUY WHO'S ENGAGED TO BE MARRIED.
NO! YOU? MR.
PARTY MACHINE? THE HUMAN LOVE FACTORY? HEY, GUYS, KAT MAN'S GETTING MARRIED! YAY! YAY! WHOA! WATCH THE HAIR! WATCH THE HAIR! COME ON, GUYS.
WE'RE MATURE ADULTS.
GROW UP.
AAH! COME ON, LET'S ROCK 'N' ROLL, FELLAS.
JESS, YOU SURE YOU WANNA START PLAYING NOW? DIDN'T WE USED TO LIKE TO WAIT UNTIL, YOU KNOW, CARRIE WAS SITTING UP THERE, REALLY NICE AND CLOSE, WATCHING YOU.
I'M HAPPILY ENGAGED.
CARRIE MEANS NOTHING TO ME.
ALL RIGHT! WELCOME BACK TO 1980! WE'RE BACK! WE'RE BAD! WE'RE DISCIPLINE PROBLEMS! * OOH, MY LITTLE PRETTY ONE * * MY PRETTY ONE * * WHEN YOU GONNA GIVE ME SOME * * TIME, SHARONA * * OOH, YOU MAKE MY MOTOR RUN * * MY MOTOR RUN * * GUN IT COMING OFF OF THE LINE, SHARONA * * MUH-MUH-MUH-MY-SHARONA * * MUH-MUH-MUH-MY SHARONA * JESSIE, IT'S CARRIE.
MAN.
* MUH-MUH-MUH * MERCY.
HI.
HAMMER, SHE WANTS YOU.
YEAH! IN MY DREAMS! GET DOWN THERE.
OKAY.
I CAN SAY HI TO AN OLD FRIEND.
THAT'S WHAT REUNIONS ARE ALL ABOUT.
HEY, CARRIE, OLD BUDDY.
HOW ARE YOU DOING? JESSE, COME HERE.
HEY, LOOK WHO'S ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
GOLDEN BAY HIGH'S HOTTEST COUPLE OF 1980, PICKING UP RIGHT WHERE THEY LEFT OFF.
HI.
I CAN SAY HI TO ALL MY FRIENDS AND I'LL BE AROUND TO HUG EACH AND EVERY ONE OF YOU MOMENTARILY.
AND, BELIEVE IT OR NOT, THIS WAS JESSE AND CARRIE'S SONG MUSKRAT LOVE.
JESS, WE HAVE TO DANCE.
OK.
COME ON! IT IS SO GOOD TO SEE YOU AGAIN.
IT'S GOOD TO SEE YOU, TOO.
BEEN IN EUROPE THIS WHOLE TIME? YEAH.
I'M REALLY SORRY WE LOST TOUCH, JESSE.
BUTWE'RE TOUCHING NOW.
DID I MENTION I'M ENGAGED? 'CAUSE I AM.
I'M ENGAGED.
I'M AN ENGAGED GUY.
HAPPY, HAPPY, HAPPY ENGAGED! I MEAN PEOPLE DOWN THE STREET AND GO, "WHOA.
" YOU KNOW? "THERE GOES A HAPPY ENGAGED GUY.
" BUT YOU'RE NOT MARRIED YET? NO.
WELL, MAYBE THERE'S A REASON THAT FATE BROUGHT US TOGETHER TONIGHT.
IT WASN'T FATE, IT WAS THE REUNION COMMITTEE.
YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN.
JESSE, LOOK.
I DIDN'T KNOW HOW I WAS GONNA FEEL SEEING YOU AGAIN.
BUT BEING BACK IN YOUR ARMS, IT'S LIKE NOTHING'S CHANGED.
DON'T YOU REMEMBER THE LAST TIME WE WERE TOGETHER? [MOTORCYCLE ROARS.]
JESSE, YOU'RE GONNA GET IN TROUBLE.
I GRADUATE TOMORROW.
WHAT'LL THEY DO? EXPEL ME? COME ON.
LET'S GO TAKE THIS BABY TO THE LIBRARY.
I ALWAYS WONDERED WHAT IT WOULD LOOK IN THERE.
JESSE, WAIT A MINUTE.
WE HAVE TO TALK.
YOU REMEMBER WHEN I SENT MY PICTURES TO THAT MODELING AGENCY.
YEAH.
WELL, THEY LOVED THEM.
AND THEY OFFERED ME A JOB IN PARIS.
IN PARIS? YOU CAN'T GO TO PARIS.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I CAN'T GO? YOU'RE SUPPOSED TO COME ON THE ROAD WITH ME AND MY BAND.
WHAT ABOUT MY MODELING CAREER? JESSE, THIS IS THE BIGGEST BREAK I'VE EVER HAD.
YOU WANT ME TO THROW IT AWAY? YEAH.
MY BAND'S REALLY STARTING TO TAKE OFF NOW.
SOMEDAY WE'RE GONNA BE AS BIG AS THE VILLAGE PEOPLE.
HOW CAN YOU BE SO SELFISH? WHAT ABOUT ME? WHAT ABOUT ME? NO, WHAT ABOUT ME? NO, WHAT ABOUT ME? WHAT ABOUT US? IT SOUNDS LIKE WE'RE BREAKING UP.
I DON'T WANT TO DO THAT.
NEITHER DO I.
ALL RIGHT.
LISTEN.
GO DO YOUR MODELING THING.
I'LL GO DO MY ROCK 'N' ROLL.
AND I PROMISE YOU, AS SOON AS YOU GET BACK, WE'RE GONNA PICK IT UP WHERE WE LEFT OFF.
YOU REALLY MEAN THAT? READ MY LIPS.
JESS, THIS IS OUR SECOND CHANCE.
YOU'RE NOT GONNA BREAK YOUR PROMISE, ARE YOU? CARRIE, THAT WAS I KNOW, BUT IT STILL DOESN'T FEEL OVER.
DOES IT? I DON'T KNOW.
CARRIE, I GOTTA GO.
I'M SORRY.
SPARKY! SPARKY! SPARKY! WELL, I WALKED ALL THE OTHER DOGS HOME.
ANY LUCK FINDING SPARKY YET? NOT A TRACEBUT I DID FIND 38 CENTS AND A RUBBER PORK CHOP.
IF YOU WERE A DOG, WHERE WOULD YOU BE? HMM.
DRINKING WATER OUT OF THE TOILET.
I'LL GO CHECK.
LET'S GET COMET TO HELP US FIND SPARKY.
I'M AFRAID COMET'S A LITTLE PARTIED OUT RIGHT NOW.
YOU CAN BE MY DOG.
I'LL CALL YOU PEANUT.
MICHELLE! GO HIDE ON THE BED.
BUT NO BARKING.
HEY, MICHELLE, HAVE YOU SEEN SPARKY? NO SPARKY HERE.
HAVE A NICE DAY.
[ARF.]
DID THAT BUNNY RABBIT JUST BARK? THAT WAS ME.
ARF ARF ARF ARF ARF ARF ARF ARF [ARF.]
MAYBE IT'S A DOGGIE.
MAYBE IT'S SPARKY.
HIS NAME IS PEANUT, AND HE'S MY DOGGIE.
BUT MICHELLE, YOU ALREADY HAVE A DOGGIE.
WHAT'S WRONG WITH COMET? ONE DAY COMET WAS THIS BIG.
NOW HE'S THIS BIG.
OH, I SEE, YOU WANT A DOG THAT'S YOUR SIZE.
WELL, THE REASON THAT COMET GOT SO BIG IS BECAUSE DOGS GROW FASTER THAN PEOPLE.
BUT COMET'S ALL FINISHED GROWING.
AND YOU'RE STILL GETTING BIGGER.
SO AS YOU GET BIGGER, COMET'LL SEEM TO BE GETTING SMALLER, EVEN THOUGH IN FACT HE'S STAYING THE SAME SIZE.
UNDERSTAND? ARE YOU NUTS? HOW ABOUT IF I TAKE SPARKY HOME, AND THEN I MAKE YOU A DOUBLE-SCOOP ICE CREAM SUNDAE? YOU GOT IT, DUDE.
NEXT TIME, I'LL SKIP THE SPEECH AND GO STRAIGHT FOR THE ICE CREAM.
DANNY! I GOTTA TALK TO YOU.
JUST A MINUTE, A FEW OF COMET'S FRIENDS LEFT THEIR COATS BEHIND.
DANNY, THIS IS IMPORTANT.
LISTEN.
I WAS DANCING WITH MY OLD GIRLFRIEND CARRIE, AND THEY PLAYED MUSKRAT LOVE, RIGHT? AND I HAD TO RUN RIGHT OUT OF THE GYM.
YOU KNOW, OF ALL THE SONGS ABOUT MUSKRATS, THAT ONE WAS MY FAVORITE.
* MUSKRAT SUZIE, MUSKRAT SAM ** DANIEL! PLEASE.
COME ON.
I NEED YOUR HELP HERE.
I JUST KEPT THINKING, WHAT IF I SAW CARRIE BEFORE I MET BECKY? WHAT IF INSTEAD OF THEY HAD YOU KNOW, WHAT IF I SAW, AND WHAT IF I DANCED WITH HER, AND WHAT IF I KISSED HER, AND WHAT IF I LIKED IT? AND WHAT IF BECKY HEARS YOU? SHE'S UPSTAIRS WITH THE GIRLS.
BECKY'S HERE? JESS, JESS, COME HERE.
CALM DOWN.
LOOK I THINK WHAT YOU NEED TO DO IS SORT OUT YOUR FEELINGS.
LIKE YOU WOULD SORT OUT YOUR LAUNDRY.
DANIEL.
NO, STAY WITH ME ON THIS.
THINK OF YOUR FEELINGS FOR BECKY AS YOUR WHITES, AND YOUR FEELINGS FOR CARRIE AS YOUR DARKS.
NOW, MAKE SURE YOU DO SEPARATE LOADS.
SEE, OTHERWISE A RED SOCK CAN GET IN WITH WITH YOUR WHITES, AND YOU WIND UP WITH PINK UNDERWEAR.
I'M SORRY.
THESE LAUNDRY ANALOGIES ARE HIGHLY SOPHISTICATED.
I THINK BECKY'S THE GREATEST.
BUT IT'S NOT FAIR FOR EITHER OF YOU TO GET MARRIED, IF YOU'RE NOT SURE ABOUT YOUR FEELINGS.
WHATEVER YOU NEED TO DO TO SORT THIS THING OUT, YOU BETTER DO IT RIGHT NOW.
HI, JESS.
WHO'S THAT? IT'S THE RED SOCK.
CARRIE, WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE? I'M HERE TO FIND OUT WHY YOU WALKED OUT ON ME TONIGHT.
CARRIE, I'M SORRY IF I HURT YOUR FEELINGS, BUT WELL, I THOUGHT I HAD MY WHOLE LIFE FIGURED OUT AND THEN YOU SHOW UP, AND NOW I DON'T KNOW WHAT I'M DOING.
I THINK YOU'RE SCARED THAT YOU STILL HAVE FEELINGS FOR ME.
THERE'S ONLY ONE WAY TO FIND OUT.
CARRIE WELL? WELL THAT WAS A WONDERFUL KISS.
AND IT MADE ME THINK OF ALL THE GREAT TIMES WE HAD TOGETHER.
BUT, CARRIE, IT MADE ME REALIZE THAT EVERYTHING WE HAVE IS IN THE PAST.
SO IT'S REALLY OVER? YEAH.
IT'S REALLY OVER.
WELL, I NEEDED TO KNOW.
ME, TOO.
THANKS FOR THE DANCE.
GOODBYE, JESSE.
GOODBYE, CARRIE.
BECKY! BECKY! I'M SO HAPPY TO SEE YOU! WHAT HAPPENED? HOW WAS YOUR RE UNION? YOU WON'T BELIEVE IT.
THE MOST INCREDIBLE THING HAPPENED.
REALLY? YEAH.
I SAW MY OLD GIRLFRIEND, AND SHE LOOKED SO BEAUTIFUL.
REALLY? YEAH, YEAH.
AND THEN-- GET THIS-- WE SLOW-DANCED TO OUR SONG.
REALLY? YEAH.
AND THEN WE KISSED, OK? YOU KISSED HER? YEAH, BUT LISTEN, SEE-- YOU KISSED HER? LISTEN ONE SECOND, BECKY.
SEE-- YOU KISSED HER? YES, I KISSED HER.
BUT THE BEST PART WAS AFTER THE KISS.
I'LL KILL YOU! BECKY, LISTEN.
WHEN I KISSED HER, I REALIZED THAT I NEVER WANNA KISS ANYONE BUT YOU FOR AS LONG AS I LIVE.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH.
OH, JESS.
WHY DID YOU HAVE TO GO AND KISS HER? WELL IT'S JUST PART OF MY PAST THAT I HAD TO CLEAR UP.
I MEAN, LET'S FACE IT.
YOU KNOW, GETTING MARRIED IS THE BIGGEST DECISION I'VE EVER HAD TO MAKE IN MY LIFE.
I DIDN'T KNOW YOU WERE HAVING ANY DOUBTS.
WELL, NOT DOUBTS EXACTLY.
THEY'RE MORE LIKE LITTLE DOUBTLETS.
I GUESS I UNDERSTAND.
IT TOOK ME TWO YEARS TO SAY YES.
SO NOW ARE YOU I'M SURE THAT I LOVE YOU.
AND THAT'S ALL I NEED.
I MEAN, THERE ARE NO GUARANTEES, BUT I BELIEVE IN YOU.
AND I BELIEVE IN US.
SO DO I, BECKY.
AND I KNOW IN MY HEART THAT THIS IS GONNA WORK.
I LOVE YOU.
HAVE MERCY! HAVE MERCY! HONEY, JUST ONE LITTLE QUESTION.
YEAH? WHEN IS YOUR NEXT HIGH-SCHOOL REUNION? I'M GOING.
CAPTIONING MADE POSSIBLE BY WARNER BROS.
CAPTIONED BY THE NATIONAL