Future Man (2017) s01e10 Episode Script

Operation Natal Attraction

1 Previously on Future Man Take some sexy pictures to expose the affair, marriage over.
Or we put a gun to his head and make him get on the boat.
But why is there a gun on the wall? We've always had a gun.
This is a Futterman house.
These people, they're not our people.
It's a mistake to think we have any connection to this time.
I love the '80s! - Gabe! - They took my Cupcake.
Oh my god, Cupcake, I'm never letting go again.
I thought you were going to try to tell me you were gay.
- [LAUGHING] - Right.
My boat still leaves at midnight.
Fuck free will! I should have done the gun thing! Neither one of us is going to be free until we finish what we started.
You're wrong, because I quit.
You can't quit.
I can, and I do.
You keep fighting to make a better future.
But I've found the best future, and it's in the past.
Right now, 1985.
The present.
Catch you on the flipside, Tiger.
Wolf, wait.
Wolf! Wolf, Wolf! The fuck! Are you all wearing your sunglasses at night? [CHEERING] Fuck off! [INDISTINCT CONVERSATIONS] [CLATTER] [PANTING] Quiet as a ninja.
Oh, come on, Uncle Barry.
Are you kidding me? I fit in.
Fuck free will.
[CHANTING "DRINK!"] - Our engine starts again - Futterman! - We'll take it to the end - Dad? Let's keep this going on and on - And on and on - And on and on And on and on All right! Hey, that was that was radical, - dude.
- Thanks, man.
Can't spell "funnel" without "fun," am I right? Yep, you are Gabe all right.
That's mi nombre, do I know you? No, no, we haven't met.
There's something familiar about you.
What what's your name? I'm J uh, Joosh.
- Joosh, your name's Joosh.
- Yes, my name is Joosh.
Wow, that rules! - We're gonna go get high.
- What? You you don't get high.
You're right, I stay high.
- You in? - Wow, uh, you know, there's nothing that I would rather do than than to stay and party with you, but I I.
.
I've got somewhere I've got to be.
Hey, man, door's always open.
This is a this is a Futterman house, so that means it's a party house, okay? So come by anytime.
Our engine starts again Hey, you know what? I do have some time.
I would love to stay and party with you, - young Gabe.
- Get over here - Okay.
- new friend.
All right! Love the coat, that's French or something.
Yeah, I just picked it up today.
[CRYING, WHIMPERING] Don't even try.
They'll never let you through.
Yeah, that grody security guard is not letting anyone back there that's not the crew or Corey's friends.
I see 39 ways to take this guy down.
Forty, if he's not wearing groin armor.
Even if you make it past that guy, there's tons more guards backstage.
Gonna need more numbers.
Okay, we need a plan.
It's pointless.
The plan is to miss the concert and wait for our moms to pick us up.
Yeah, yeah, we're just going to go home and never see Corey Hart ever.
This is like the worst thing that's ever happened to anyone ever in the history of humanity! Okay.
Younglings, how many years have you survived? Uh, 15? Do you know what I did in my 15th year? I won my first command by decapitating my nemesis, Ostrich, in the proving pit to earn my puberty scar.
Now, we can do this.
You're the biggest team I've had since the tunnel, and that was 9,000 fingers ago, so how about a little less saying what we can't do and a little more figuring out what we're going to do? [HIGH-PITCHED CRYING] [DEEP INHALATION] Joosh, I am your father.
Ha-ha, you are you really are.
You're on.
Oh.
Uh you know what? You taught me to ride a bike.
I trust you, I guess.
Joosh! [CHANTING "JOOSH!"] [JOSH INHALES DEEPLY] Oh, that was a big one.
Oh, the Joosh is loose! Joosh is loose.
- My brain melted.
- Yeah shit's gnarly, right? I made Barry gank it from dentist school.
Dude, look at this.
This is what's inside these things.
Barry? He's in dentist school? Was.
Was, big was.
Actually just got kicked out for ganking the nitrous.
You'd have to be crazy to let that dude anywhere near your teeth with a drill.
I wouldn't let him near drywall with a drill.
You know, Gabe, sometimes people can get better at things, you know? Give him a little more time and maybe he'll make a change.
People can change, you know, big, big changes.
Why? I hope not.
My life is perfect right now.
Why would I change a thing? Okay, well let's just say, for example, - you had a child.
- Ha! - A kid? - Yeah.
I'm this close to getting snipped, totally snipped.
Barry's got a friend in med school who says he'll do it on me for free, if he can practice on me.
I've just got to find a way to get myself to Grenada.
- Plane or boat.
- Yeah, you know, I, um the snipping, I think that that is a decision that I should try not to influence.
You know what, you'll make the right decision, I'm sure, - when the time comes.
- Hello, cupcakes! "Cupcake.
" - Hey, uh, Unc Barry.
- Huh? Who are those two girls that just walked in? Um, those are Richie's friends.
Uh, Vanessa and Diane.
Diane? Wait, is tonight Richie's birthday, the night of the flaming sombrero? Oh yeah, yeah, it's Richie's birthday, but I don't know where you're getting "flaming sombrero" from, man.
Oh my God, this is the night that my parents meet! Oh, dude, whoa.
Your parents never met? That's fucked up.
- You're fucked up.
- You're fu Whoa! Man, I have that I have that jacket.
[BARRY GIGGLES] Okay.
So during your recon at the Rick Springfield concert last summer, you ascertained there were hallways here, here, and here, right? Yeah, I think so.
Think or know, Debbie? - Think or know? - Know, I know.
So we draw their forces here with a diversionary tactic.
I can show them my boobs.
Tiffany, no! Stop pitching that.
This is, like, way complicated.
I can't do this anymore, I quit! Get your shit together, Amber.
We are a team now, there's no quitting, okay? I know that failure hurts like a robocactus being jammed up your sphincter.
But do you want to know what hurts worse? Accepting failure, because when you accept failure, you are giving up on yourself and your team.
Okay, we are not going to accept failure.
And we are not going to let that mound of gristle over there tell us that we can't get backstage.
We are going to get back up, we are going to dust off our clits, and we are going to complete this mission, so who's with me? - Yes, me.
- Yeah! I guess.
- Barry.
- Mm.
What's your plan? Um, I don't know.
Finish this and then humiliate myself in front of some women? Barry, you need to go get that AOL application and apply for that job.
How did you know about that? I went through your garbage.
- You went - It's something I do.
But there's no money in that, man, I mean, what, it's like stock options.
What am I what good's that going to do for me? Barry, I have to go, but listen to me and listen good.
You need to apply for that job, take those options, and get the fuck out before 4.
0.
Trust me.
[JOSH SIGHS] Hey, guys, what's going on? Okay, so here's the thing.
I gotta head, but I also gotta say that I like what I'm seeing.
You were just the most beautiful thing.
You have, like, the smoothest skin I've ever seen.
Your skin is like that of an angel's bottom.
- Thanks! - Mm-hm.
Have you ever just been in a moment where time just freezes and everything seems perfect? It's his first time doing nitrous.
- Oh! - It is.
It's not the nitrous talking, though, my friend.
You two are perfect.
What about me? Yeah, you're you're fine.
But this one, Gabey, this one right here, this is the kind of woman you have to hang on to and never, never let go of.
The kind of woman that could change your life.
Okay, all right, I got a boat to catch.
Joosh out! Phew, man.
I like boats.
Okay.
Maybe I could change your life.
[HORRIFIED GASP] Hey! Load-in was two hours ago.
What the hell are you doing here? This is where our paths diverge.
What? [EXCLAIMING] What the hell's going on here? Run you fools.
[CHAOTIC TITTERING] Get 'em.
I'm coming for you, Wolf.
And this, this not happening.
No way, a little too smart to fall into that old trap.
Now, you need to come with me, young lady, come on.
- Jesus, chill out, spaz.
- Yes, that's more like it.
I'm repulsive I'm a spaz, okay? No.
No, she's touching his forearm! Shit, what have I done? Oh my god.
Those two are so cute.
Bet that's the last we're seeing of them tonight.
Shit, I'm Back to the Futuring myself! Come on.
Hey, sorry to interrupt.
Gabe, can I just steal you for a second? I'm actually kind of in the middle of a thing.
That's okay, come on, just one quick moment.
Okay.
So I know that we just met and this might seem a little bit weird to you, but trust me, I'm really, really good with these kinds of things.
We were just talking, and I think that you two would be a dream together.
You'd be perfect, okay? I don't know if it's, like, your energies or your vibes or something, but it's it's like a romance written in the stars.
Hey, man, they're all the same when you're finger blasting them in the laundry room.
Oh my God, Dad, no.
- Doing the big one in the - Stop, stop, please! Okay, you just went from the stars to the gutter.
She's a lady, treat her like one.
Come on.
Did you call me "Dad"? [LAUGHTER] No, I changed my mind, Markita.
Let's go ahead and frost these tips.
Oh, it's you.
- How'd you get in? - How'd you get in? Let's just say doors have been opening for me lately.
Don't even have to blow them up anymore.
So you're just going to throw away the future of humanity, for what? Some sea bugs? Those are Santa Barbara spot prawns! They're seasonal.
I'm done taking orders.
I'm not giving you an order.
There's no more orders, Wolf.
No more team.
No more chain of command.
No more Resistance.
What's your deal, Joosh? You've eaten, like, a lot of cupcakes.
You pulled me away from that cute guy and now you won't even talk to me.
I'm sorry, okay? I've just got a lot on my mind right now.
I almost just fucked up something major, and I can't leave here until I make sure it's okay.
Why are you so obsessed with them? Isn't it obvious? I mean, look at how they look at each other.
How they laugh at each other's dumb jokes, how they look past each other's many, many flaws.
They're in love.
Beautiful, beautiful pure love.
You can tell all of that? That's so sweet, Joosh.
And let's be honest.
You are way too cool for Gabe.
- [CHUCKLES] - You are.
I mean, look at you, you got like 30 bracelets here, you got like nine different necklaces around your neck.
You would eat him alive.
Okay, he could not handle you.
Can you? Throwing our lives away is not going to bring our team back.
Uh yeah, it is.
If we succeed, we go back to the future, the Biotics don't exist, and our team is still alive.
Maybe.
As different people who don't know us or what we did, don't know the hell they could've lived in.
We'd be strangers in a world we don't know or understand.
That's the sacrifice we signed up for.
And yeah maybe no one would know.
But I'll know.
And you'll know.
And we'll have each other.
That's enough for me.
It's not enough for me.
[TIGER GRUNTS] Wolf, let me out of here! You're going to thank me for this.
Wolf, Wolf! What the fuck are you doing? What I should have done a long time ago: destroying the TTD.
I really I have to go.
- No, Joosh - I can't.
- Just stay for a little bit.
- Big things Big things I have to go do, big things I have to go do.
Oh, God.
Looks like the yule log in your pants want you to stay.
Holy shit! You've got to let me at least see this thing.
Oh my God! Yeah, Wolf! Wolf, is that what you call it? Oh, no, it's like another thing.
Oh.
Oh, well, I like it.
Thanks.
I'm getting a little lightheaded, all the blood is like, gonna go, that's a lot of Oh! Looking a little wobbly there.
Maybe you want to grab on to these.
Hachi machi.
So you ask the same question, you get two different answers.
Magic? I think not.
Wow, you've given me a lot to think about.
Tell Diane I left.
Oh, Vanessa, wait! Yes, Joosh! Joosh! - Oh, Vanessa! - No, Diane.
What? I'm not Vanessa, I'm Diane.
No.
- No you're not.
- Yeah.
No, Vanessa's my friend.
No, that would mean [JOSH WHIMPERS] [RETCHING] Oh, God! Oh, Joosh.
Oh God, oh no! Oh God, what did I do? That's it.
You just get it all out.
What happened to Joosh? Think he had a little too much.
Oh, been there, buddy.
No you haven't.
Oh.
Can you just get his head? I'll wipe him down a little bit.
- Up, up - Okay.
Oh, sorry.
There it is, yeah! It's pretty scary to get sick like that all of a sudden, huh? Yeah, you're a real trooper.
I'm sorry I threw up in your bedroom.
And I instantly forgive you.
Thanks.
Okay, I'm feeling much better.
- You are? - Yeah, I'm just going to get vertical.
- Okay.
- Okay.
Oh, you've got some on you.
Oh yeah, I think it's cupcake.
Cupcake, huh? Well, it, um, it looks good on you.
- Yeah - Oh, I was supposed to tell you.
Vanessa left, so I guess that means you'll be leaving too.
I don't know.
Maybe we should ask your Magic 8-Ball.
Yeah yes, let's Um - Oh.
- Ugh.
You know, these things are bullshit anyway.
I say you should stay.
Okay, then I'm staying.
I'm coming for you, Kronish.
[CROWD CHEERING] I'm not dying in this sunglass hut.
[TIGER GRUNTS] [FLASHBULB POPS] [GUN COCKS] Come with me if you want to live.
And I mean truly live.
Goodbye, prawns.
Goodbye, TTD.
No! I wear my sunglasses at night Don't try and stop me.
Are you trying to strand us here? No, not the car! Part of you wants to stay here, I know it.
Why else would you take that DNA test? That was a mistake! [CRASHING, THUDDING] So I can, so I can Keep track of the visions in my eyes While she's deceiving me [WINCING, GRUNTING] It cuts my security Has she got control of me I turn to her and say I'm doing this for both of us.
Wolf, you stupid motherfucker! Stand down! [CRASHING, THUDDING] Don't masquerade with the guy in shades Oh no I can't believe it 'Cause you Okay.
Okay, we're here.
Now, will you tell me who the hell you are and why you are so violently supportive of my homosexual lifestyle? You know what, Dr.
K? I I really tried this whole free will thing but it's not as easy as it seems.
All right, so here we are.
Now, get on that boat.
How do you even know about the boat? That was a secret plan.
Oh.
Well, I know everything about your secret plan.
The Seychelles, the conch fritters.
Look, just trust me.
Your life is going to be much happier if you do that and don't stay here with your wife.
You're telling me to throw my life away.
No, I'm asking you to change your life - for the better.
- What do you know? You have any idea what it's like to be a gay black man in this world? Obviously, I don't.
- However - Getting on that boat, I'm not just throwing my life away, I'm throwing away my career, my social life, the church.
Listen.
Okay, the world is going to get much better for gay people.
Sort of.
In some states.
You're going to want to stick to the coasts.
But you've got a boat.
- So that's perfect.
- What do you know? You're just a crazy man with a gun! Help! Help, help! Help! This man is crazy, he's I'm not crazy! I'm from the future.
[KRONISH SCREAMS] [JOSH EXCLAIMS] I swear, I can prove it to you.
Prove it to the sandman.
You're going to sleep.
This this is us, this is us.
[THUD] [SEABIRDS CAWING] What? What is this? Look.
This See that photo? Now look behind you.
Look.
That photo is hanging on the wall of your office in 2017.
I know that because I work for you.
And I have come a very long way to try to save you.
[PUNCHES, CRASHING] Don't make me keep doing this to you.
I don't have any fight left in me, Tiger.
But I got a taste of freedom and there's no coming back from that.
I'm done.
You can't be done, Wolf.
I'm not Wolf anymore.
You know what my name is.
[CROWD CHANTS "COREY!"] You're going to have to kill me.
It's Resistance law.
The punishment for desertion is death.
Go ahead.
Just do it.
So you're telling me you've been back and forth through time, courting death just to avoid killing me.
Yeah.
Which is why you have to get on that boat.
Because if you don't, my colleagues will shoot you as a baby.
And I can't protect you.
So my big breakthrough was possum semen? Really? Yeah, it's magical stuff.
Look.
I've broken every rule of time travel by telling you all of this.
I've also broken every rule of God and man tonight.
So please, please get on that boat.
You've sacrificed so much to get here.
The least I could do is sail away with the love of my life and be happy forever.
Oh, wow.
Yes, thank you.
I am feeling strong and brave.
Strong and brave.
Oh, by the way.
Marigold still thinks I'm taking out the trash.
- So - Oh, don't worry.
I'll take care of it.
Bon voyage, Dr.
K.
Bye, Josh.
Bon voyage.
[ENGINE HUMMING] What happened? Where where's Wolf? He's gone.
Gone.
Wh what do you mean? He's just he's gone.
Don't ask again.
Holy shit.
Are you okay? Did you get Kronish on the boat? Yeah.
Yeah, I did.
I think we finally did it this time.
Good.
Now let's go.
I fucking hate the '80s.
Where'd your door go? [DOOR CLOSES] Just a little more time is all we're asking for Okay.
Kronish Labs was built in 1992.
If my plan worked and we jump back to 2017, it won't be there.
It's the only way this will all be worth it.
[THUNDER, WHIRRING] Oh, shit.
I forgot to tell Marigold.
Nobody wants to know you now And nobody wants to show you how So if you're lost and on your own You can never surrender And if your path won't lead you home You can never surrender Oh my God.
We did it.
It worked! Aha! Now, body part check.
Anything changed? I think I am good.
Tiger? Tiger? Huh.
Any chance that's good?