Gentefied (2020) s01e03 Episode Script
Bad Hombres
1 ["Sabor a Mi" playing.]
Chicken, pollito, chicken, pollito, chicken.
[in Spanish.]
It needs salt.
[grunts.]
A ver.
[chuckles.]
Eso.
Wait! Wait! Wait! [in English.]
Oh.
Open it.
There you go.
[Delfina, in Spanish.]
Hey boys, that's not how you heat up food.
Don't you know that thing zaps all the nutrition right out of food? [in English.]
This is how we do it at home.
Um You see? Your dad works way too much.
He doesn't have a second to teach his own son how to cook.
Hold on, beautiful, wait a minute Don't forget, gorgeous.
Chris's father is my and your son.
Mmm.
You're right, old man.
Alright then [Delfina laughs.]
Alright kid, come here.
[Casimiro groans.]
Remember, grandson.
Real food is made with a lot of love.
[Spanish music continues.]
[Delfina.]
Muy bien.
Ooh! [smooches.]
[beeping.]
- [door opens.]
- [sighs.]
[door closes.]
[Chris, grunts.]
Ugh! Mezcal is no joke! [laughs.]
Hey, you got any of that raise-the-dead hangover menudo, Pop? No, while you got wasted with your little friends, I sat in jail.
I didn't have time to make it.
Oh [theme song playing.]
[Vallenato playing.]
[in Spanish.]
Good morning! [in English.]
I brought maple bacon donuts! Oh, hey, Pop, I've been brainstorming - ways for you to make more revenue.
- [calculator beeps.]
You know, I was thinking, like, targeted marketing, - social media - [Erik.]
Move.
You should do, like, a loyalty program with a punch card, but it's, like, in the shape of a taco, so that - Coming through.
- [Ana, laughs.]
Why you fuckers always fighting like comadres over leftovers? I'm trying to do my job, but I can't get this mosca out of the kitchen.
Oh! Did you use a flyswatter? Oh, good idea.
Shoo, fly, don't bother us.
Stop.
But Pop, really you should think about changing the menu.
You know, like introducing a new taco of the week.
[in Spanish.]
Oh, yeah? Yeah.
You should experiment with new flavors and introduce seasonal ingredients.
What do you think? I would, but ever since I climbed over the mountains to cross the border in the dead of night to build this humble shop, so my children and their children could have a better life [exhales.]
I'm tired.
Yes, Pop, preach! But go for it, if you want to.
- Really? - SÃ.
If you've got the time.
Oh, of course I do.
Actually, I have a really good idea for a chicken tikka masala taco.
[laughs.]
Can someone tell this güero you can't throw trash on a tortilla and call it a taco? No, none of my business.
Oh, and Pop, in the meantime, you have this to hold you over.
You know, what we talked about for the shop.
Don't worry about it, mijo.
Spend it on your chef school.
I get it now.
You come first.
Ooh! I just farted, so you might want to move.
OK.
Hey.
Hey, can we squash this? For Pop? Oh, now you want to help Pop, huh? - Dude, I'm just trying to help.
- OK.
OK, now this is my business.
You know, that man has enough to deal with without you two regressing to your 12-year-old beef.
OK, just stop torturing him with this bullshit.
You stop acting like a spoiled brat, and you get over your bruised ego.
Now fist bump and makeup.
[indistinct chatter, laughs in distance.]
Fist bump.
Come on.
OK, punkass bitches, it was great starting my day with your toxic masculinity, but I gotta bounce.
Hey, you know, at most jobs they make you check your bags when you leave work.
Check your face.
You really should put a lock on that fridge.
No shit.
That gremlin.
She inhales tortas like a fucking velociraptor.
[laughs.]
What? Have you ever taken Lidia out? You know, wine and dine her? Yeah, I've beered and tacoed her.
No, no, no, no, you gotta level up, homie.
You know, Mangia is classy.
I can hook you up with a free meal.
You bring her in for dinner, you're gonna look like a boss.
- [tsks.]
She won't be down for that.
- Hey, food is love.
Food is love.
[latin music playing.]
You gotta eat, right? Both of you.
There better be extra cheese on that.
You think I'm trying to get smacked? Of course.
Let me get that for you.
Thanks.
Salt and lime, huh? What are you trying to get your tequila on or what? [scoffs.]
Yeah, breakfast of champions.
No, I'm just kidding.
We ran out at the bar.
Well, you used to always drink me under the table, so Oh yeah, like that one time you drank my Paloma and ended up on top of the bar dancing a quebradita.
- Hey! It was a sick quebradita, though.
- Was it? [Erik laughs.]
You wanna grab dinner this week? Like something not wrapped in foil.
I don't know, Erik.
As a thank you for helping out Pops.
My treat.
Your treat? Come on.
How are you gonna ask me to do better if you don't give me a chance to be better, huh? [scoffs.]
OK.
OK? OK.
OK.
- Goodbye.
- OK.
OK.
I'll see you later.
- [finger snaps.]
- [car engine revving.]
OK.
["Sit Down, Who's Been Loving You" by Arun Rae playing.]
- Right on.
- [horn honks.]
[knife cuts.]
["La Mentira" by Armando Garzón playing.]
Hey, Pop.
You want to help me? You want to jump in here like old times? [in Spanish.]
No, thank you.
Just heating up my tea.
[microwave door opens.]
[microwave door closes, beeps.]
They took you for an idiot because they gave you the gringo price.
That's fine.
You're going to chop it like that? Yeah, Pop, I'm gonna chop it like that.
Is that alright? Ah.
Don't forget who taught you everything, cabrón.
Oh, you mean Mama Fina? [scoffs.]
[microwave beeping.]
Hey, did Mama Fina use ground masa or masa harina for her tortillas? You know what, I'll check.
You said this was your own recipe.
OK.
Yeah.
You're right.
You know, the thing about taco of the week, Pop, is that everybody keeps coming back.
People love novelty, but you can't have novelty without change.
What? You know how we only eat menudo on Sundays? 'Cause we love it, it's special, but if we had it everyday, it wouldn't be special anymore.
But you hate menudo.
Yeah, 'cause when I was little, you told me hominy was baby teeth.
It scared me.
What are you throwing on there? Curry.
Curry? But that's a taco! Do you want tradition or innovation? What I want is a taco.
Did you heat the plate? What do you think, I'm an animal? Go ahead, viejo.
- Try it.
- No, no, no.
I'm an old man.
I know what I like and what I don't.
Come on.
Try it.
You like it, huh? [crunching.]
Mmm.
- Mmm! - Mm-hm.
- [in English.]
I didn't think I would - I see - What? Was it You do? - I would - I didn't think - You didn't think - I would like it.
- you would like it.
MÃralo.
So good I got you talking in English.
And that, Pop, is what I'm talking about.
[laughs.]
Hell yeah! I'll pick that up later.
[Norteño music playing.]
[dish rattles.]
Um [in Spanish.]
Can you tell me What is this? Chicken tikka masala tacos.
Ah! "The Takis Tacos".
[chuckles.]
Well, I do love Takis.
- No, that's not - [laughs.]
A ver lo que A ver a ver.
Ah Where are the Takis? There was never Takis.
Mmm.
[in Spanish.]
These are not tacos.
- This is not Mexican food.
- Not Mexican food.
It's like a sope but tastes like a chalupa.
- Yeah, for reals.
- Hey, are you sure you're Mexican, güey? Yeah! I'm a Mexican, what does that even mean? You don't think Mexican food can have new flavor to it? - Yes.
- Good flavor.
You going to eat that or what? Hell no! You eat it.
- Then I'll take it.
- Take it.
Wait, so so you do like it? Hell no! But it's free.
Maybe I can rinse off the chicken or something.
Okay, that's it! It's over.
You're done.
Hey, at least give me a real taco to get rid of this flavor.
- Whatever this thing is.
- [Casimiro.]
Hey, cabrón My güero gives you free food.
Delicious food! And you're still complaining? [snaps.]
Get out! Let's go! Let's go! You're done.
You can't leave my mouth like this.
- Give me some radishes or jalapeños? - I'll give you your radish.
Let's go! Some water at least! We are closed.
Estamos cerrados.
- Let's go Adios.
- Some water at least! [door slams shut.]
[sighs.]
I don't know.
They like what they like, mijo.
Yeah.
[woman from device.]
Welcome to the Brown Love Podcast.
Relationship advice for the enlightened Latinx lover.
This week's chica-no-no is toxic masculinity! [in Spanish.]
You know! - Those men who want mothers - Shit! [in English.]
instead of a girlfriend? Ya sabemos [grunts.]
I'm not your mother, and you are not my baby.
Not like that.
Yeah boy, stop being a manchild and get it together, because I am not your [Erik.]
Come on, I ain't no manchild! For those of you who are listening, listen up and do what you gotta do - to treat your woman right - Hey, hey.
Get it together, come on, man! we're constantly showing up for these - men - You're charming.
and they're not doing the same, emotionally.
A million dollar smile.
Just give it to her.
Flash it to her, that's right! That's right, make her fall in love with you all over again, baby.
Silky smooth.
There you go, silky smooth.
[in Spanish.]
You alright, man? Never better.
Everything is awesome.
Hey, how about that Chivas game last night? Didn't catch it.
[in Spanish.]
You didn't watch it? What kind of Mexican are you? What, I didn't watch the game and suddenly I'm not Mexican? Chris, relax, bro.
Hey, you know what, I'm more Mexican than all y'all.
[laughs.]
Okay, sure.
You're Mexican, güerito.
Oh, you don't think so? Test me.
OK.
What kind of test? I don't know, we'll figure it out right here, right now, and we'll settle it.
ÿCómo, cómo? Like a Mexican test? Whatever you want to call it, Chief.
But less talking and more doing.
Bring it on.
OK.
Let the games begin.
[Banda music playing.]
Name five Mexican states.
Jalisco, Oaxaca, Durango No, Durango is a truck.
- Huh? [scoffs.]
- No? OK, uh Baja Shit.
- Chihuahua? - Is that a state? [scoffs.]
Boo! [music continues.]
Name three soap operas starring Thalia.
Oh, you mean the holy trinity of Marias? Marimar, MarÃa la del Barrio, and MarÃa Mercedes, at your service.
Oh! I love all of them.
I'm back with gifts from the market! - Oh, ho ho! - [chuckles.]
Y tequila, cabrones.
Ah! Scary Demon! Purple Parrot! You're so silver and you are a Silver Come on! It's a Silver Snake! And Blue Barracuda.
Now you're just making shit up, cabrón.
Yeah! Mm! [chuckles.]
Puta madre.
Rebanaditas? [alarm sound, laughs.]
Damn it.
De fresa.
Limonazo! Limonazo! [Felix.]
Dale.
What the fuck is that? Serrano? [laughs.]
Here, take this.
You'll feel better.
Try it, cabrón.
[laughs.]
Can I get another one? And you'll return my Salma Hayek? They're not that good.
[tsks.]
Ah! - I'll take it - Ei! No, no, no.
I already started it.
Hombre! I'm going to finish it.
[squealed laughter.]
[table beats.]
[in Spanish.]
Well, it was close.
Mm.
I'm sorry, compa.
You failed.
[laughs.]
- You're not Mexican.
- [chefs laugh.]
Solid effort, buddy.
Solid.
OK, Let's get back on the line because Chef Austin's gonna be here any minute.
[Vincente.]
Vamos.
[claps.]
[Felix.]
Asà que nadie me llora.
[Vincente.]
Don't worry! Maybe next time.
[Felix.]
He wants to cry! He wants to cry! He wants to cry! [laughs.]
I'm not Mexican! Why? [indistinct chatter.]
- [host.]
Right this way.
- Thank you.
[host.]
And here we are.
- Oh! Hey.
- Hi.
Thank you.
Oh! Thank you.
[laughs.]
This place is nice.
I know, right? Is this the spot your cousin works at? Ah No, no.
Come on.
No, that's, that's Spaghetti.
The name of the restaurant is called Spaghetti? Yeah! Yeah, they serve Chinese food there.
It's ironic, you know how hipsters are.
[chuckles.]
Oh! That's that's actually clever, 'cause the Chinese invented spaghetti.
Really? You see, you're brilliant.
I swear, our baby better have your brains.
[laughs.]
You've been reading to him, right? Oh yeah, no, I read her all the books that you got us, 'cause you know it's gonna be - a girl.
- Boy.
You know what? I'm not playing with you because gender is a social construct.
- So - OK.
Thank you.
Where are we? [Chris winces.]
Are you crying, güero? - Is it because you're not Mexican, güey? - [chuckles.]
Or is the tequila making you cry? - 'Cause that's Mexican.
- [laughs.]
It's the onion, fuckfaces.
[Vincente.]
You know what? You can pass the test if you can do a grito like a mariachi.
Well, that's ridiculous, OK? There's no way I'm gonna Ah! Ha! Ha ha! [laughs.]
You kidding? You call that a grito? Ah ha ha ha ha ha! Now that's a manly grito! Alright, you're next Felix.
No, I don't really We don't do gritos.
Yes, we get it.
You're Venezuelan.
[laughs.]
Fucking Mexicans - [laughs.]
- Ah ha ha ha! Who let the delivery guy in the dining room? I thought this was supposed to be a classy place.
Oh shit, you're still chopping onions? How long can a man take chop - [plate clattering.]
- Fucking bastard.
I've told you about leaving the plates close to the burner a million times, Felix.
Sorry.
Sorry what? I'm sorry, Chef.
I'm sorry, Chef.
You're goddamn right, I'm sorry, Chef.
The white devil's got a real stick up his ass today.
[sighs.]
[Latin guitar music playing.]
[laughs in distance.]
I feel like we ordered off the appetizer menu.
[laughs.]
That's it? Like, it's good, but you know, I'm eating for two, so I'mma be a little hungry after this.
You know what, here.
I read that your body needs hella calcium right now, so take that.
- So what, you're reading baby books now? - Yeah.
Nah, you're just trying to get rid of your greens, so don't play.
- Both.
Everybody wins.
- [both laughs.]
Ooh! Speaking of books, a science professor at work donated a few.
Oh, you know I love it when you talk libro to me, girl.
And I may have snagged the ones on environmental catastrophe.
- You remembered! How sweet, - [scoffs.]
but actually we call it cli-fi.
Whatever, just think of this when you're picking people for your bunker.
I already made you a disaster map.
- [chuckles.]
- Oh.
Here you go.
This is going pretty OK.
Why is this going pretty OK? Because I'm serious about being a family.
I really want to believe you, Erik.
We've been here before.
I know.
You're right, we have.
But I was trying to do it for you.
With the baby on the way, I'm doing it for me.
And I may be listening to a certain feminist chicano podcast Are you listening to Brown Love? - Oh, my god.
The world is ending.
[gasps.]
- Shh! That's why you wanted - all those doomsday books, huh? - [chuckles.]
You're gonna get us kicked out of here.
As long as we get tacos after this, your secret's safe with me.
[Chef Austin.]
We're backed up, people.
Can we please stop being so fucking lazy? [in Spanish.]
Hi, faster, please.
- Oh! - [plater clattering.]
Son of a bitch! Fuck! Felix! What the fuck did I tell you about the hot plates? Hm? What the fuck did I say? - Answer me! - [Chris.]
OK, - just layoff.
- You keep out of this.
I know you speak English, so why don't you understand that? Chef, just just let it go, OK? - He gets it.
Right, you get it? - Mm-hm.
Come on.
We wouldn't want to have to buy you a MAGA hat, buddy.
- Come on.
- What? I'm not your fucking buddy.
Get back on the line.
Now listen to me No, why don't you apologize to him? Because that was fucking racist, Chef.
What did you say? Let me try that again.
Why don't you stop being an ignorant shit for brains thundercunt? Thundercunt? [chuckles.]
I got every one of these fucker's jobs and I know for a fact none of them have papers.
Pff.
You want me to be racist? Mm? How about I call ICE right now? Would that make everyone happy? Oh! Fuck! [gasps.]
[groans.]
Oh! [light chuckles.]
[Chef Austin.]
Oh, I already have a deviated septum on the left side, you fucker! [grunts.]
Oh! Ah! My fucking nose, you twat! After tacos, how about dessert? What do you want for dessert? That dress.
Really? Yeah.
Check, please.
Look, let's just split it.
It's gonna be really expensive, so No, no, no.
It's my treat.
I promised.
[Chef Austin, yells.]
Get the fuck out of my kitchen, - you little fucking twat! - [Chris yelps.]
No! Viva México, cabrones.
[groans.]
No! [screams.]
Ah ha ha ha hi! [groaning.]
[Erik, clears throat.]
[crash in the outside.]
And just for the record, my name is Christopher Ernesto Morales.
I am from Boyle fucking Heights! I am 100 percent Mexican, and I quit! Tan, tan! [door opens.]
[clattering.]
[waiter.]
Your check, sir.
[door opens.]
["Mexican Chef" by Xenia Rubinos playing.]
French bistro Domincan chef Italian restaurant Boricua chef Chinese takeout Mexican chef Nouveau America Bachata in the back French bistro Domincan chef Italian restaurant Boricua chef Chinese takeout Mexican chef Nouveau America Bachata in the back Brown walks your baby Brown walks your dog Brown raised America in place of its mom Brown cleans your house Brown takes the trash Brown even wipes your granddaddyâÂÂs ass Brown sews the buttons back on your shirt Brown picks the fruit Brown planted in the dirt Brown drives your bus Brown drives your taxi Brown brings your lunch on a bike when youâÂÂre relaxing I want it, want it all now I want it all now We build the ghettos and we tear them down Brown lays bricks Brown builds your wall Brown tears them down and builds them again Brown breaks his back Brown takes the flack Brown gets cut âÂÂcause his papers are whack Brown sits down Brown does frown
Chicken, pollito, chicken, pollito, chicken.
[in Spanish.]
It needs salt.
[grunts.]
A ver.
[chuckles.]
Eso.
Wait! Wait! Wait! [in English.]
Oh.
Open it.
There you go.
[Delfina, in Spanish.]
Hey boys, that's not how you heat up food.
Don't you know that thing zaps all the nutrition right out of food? [in English.]
This is how we do it at home.
Um You see? Your dad works way too much.
He doesn't have a second to teach his own son how to cook.
Hold on, beautiful, wait a minute Don't forget, gorgeous.
Chris's father is my and your son.
Mmm.
You're right, old man.
Alright then [Delfina laughs.]
Alright kid, come here.
[Casimiro groans.]
Remember, grandson.
Real food is made with a lot of love.
[Spanish music continues.]
[Delfina.]
Muy bien.
Ooh! [smooches.]
[beeping.]
- [door opens.]
- [sighs.]
[door closes.]
[Chris, grunts.]
Ugh! Mezcal is no joke! [laughs.]
Hey, you got any of that raise-the-dead hangover menudo, Pop? No, while you got wasted with your little friends, I sat in jail.
I didn't have time to make it.
Oh [theme song playing.]
[Vallenato playing.]
[in Spanish.]
Good morning! [in English.]
I brought maple bacon donuts! Oh, hey, Pop, I've been brainstorming - ways for you to make more revenue.
- [calculator beeps.]
You know, I was thinking, like, targeted marketing, - social media - [Erik.]
Move.
You should do, like, a loyalty program with a punch card, but it's, like, in the shape of a taco, so that - Coming through.
- [Ana, laughs.]
Why you fuckers always fighting like comadres over leftovers? I'm trying to do my job, but I can't get this mosca out of the kitchen.
Oh! Did you use a flyswatter? Oh, good idea.
Shoo, fly, don't bother us.
Stop.
But Pop, really you should think about changing the menu.
You know, like introducing a new taco of the week.
[in Spanish.]
Oh, yeah? Yeah.
You should experiment with new flavors and introduce seasonal ingredients.
What do you think? I would, but ever since I climbed over the mountains to cross the border in the dead of night to build this humble shop, so my children and their children could have a better life [exhales.]
I'm tired.
Yes, Pop, preach! But go for it, if you want to.
- Really? - SÃ.
If you've got the time.
Oh, of course I do.
Actually, I have a really good idea for a chicken tikka masala taco.
[laughs.]
Can someone tell this güero you can't throw trash on a tortilla and call it a taco? No, none of my business.
Oh, and Pop, in the meantime, you have this to hold you over.
You know, what we talked about for the shop.
Don't worry about it, mijo.
Spend it on your chef school.
I get it now.
You come first.
Ooh! I just farted, so you might want to move.
OK.
Hey.
Hey, can we squash this? For Pop? Oh, now you want to help Pop, huh? - Dude, I'm just trying to help.
- OK.
OK, now this is my business.
You know, that man has enough to deal with without you two regressing to your 12-year-old beef.
OK, just stop torturing him with this bullshit.
You stop acting like a spoiled brat, and you get over your bruised ego.
Now fist bump and makeup.
[indistinct chatter, laughs in distance.]
Fist bump.
Come on.
OK, punkass bitches, it was great starting my day with your toxic masculinity, but I gotta bounce.
Hey, you know, at most jobs they make you check your bags when you leave work.
Check your face.
You really should put a lock on that fridge.
No shit.
That gremlin.
She inhales tortas like a fucking velociraptor.
[laughs.]
What? Have you ever taken Lidia out? You know, wine and dine her? Yeah, I've beered and tacoed her.
No, no, no, no, you gotta level up, homie.
You know, Mangia is classy.
I can hook you up with a free meal.
You bring her in for dinner, you're gonna look like a boss.
- [tsks.]
She won't be down for that.
- Hey, food is love.
Food is love.
[latin music playing.]
You gotta eat, right? Both of you.
There better be extra cheese on that.
You think I'm trying to get smacked? Of course.
Let me get that for you.
Thanks.
Salt and lime, huh? What are you trying to get your tequila on or what? [scoffs.]
Yeah, breakfast of champions.
No, I'm just kidding.
We ran out at the bar.
Well, you used to always drink me under the table, so Oh yeah, like that one time you drank my Paloma and ended up on top of the bar dancing a quebradita.
- Hey! It was a sick quebradita, though.
- Was it? [Erik laughs.]
You wanna grab dinner this week? Like something not wrapped in foil.
I don't know, Erik.
As a thank you for helping out Pops.
My treat.
Your treat? Come on.
How are you gonna ask me to do better if you don't give me a chance to be better, huh? [scoffs.]
OK.
OK? OK.
OK.
- Goodbye.
- OK.
OK.
I'll see you later.
- [finger snaps.]
- [car engine revving.]
OK.
["Sit Down, Who's Been Loving You" by Arun Rae playing.]
- Right on.
- [horn honks.]
[knife cuts.]
["La Mentira" by Armando Garzón playing.]
Hey, Pop.
You want to help me? You want to jump in here like old times? [in Spanish.]
No, thank you.
Just heating up my tea.
[microwave door opens.]
[microwave door closes, beeps.]
They took you for an idiot because they gave you the gringo price.
That's fine.
You're going to chop it like that? Yeah, Pop, I'm gonna chop it like that.
Is that alright? Ah.
Don't forget who taught you everything, cabrón.
Oh, you mean Mama Fina? [scoffs.]
[microwave beeping.]
Hey, did Mama Fina use ground masa or masa harina for her tortillas? You know what, I'll check.
You said this was your own recipe.
OK.
Yeah.
You're right.
You know, the thing about taco of the week, Pop, is that everybody keeps coming back.
People love novelty, but you can't have novelty without change.
What? You know how we only eat menudo on Sundays? 'Cause we love it, it's special, but if we had it everyday, it wouldn't be special anymore.
But you hate menudo.
Yeah, 'cause when I was little, you told me hominy was baby teeth.
It scared me.
What are you throwing on there? Curry.
Curry? But that's a taco! Do you want tradition or innovation? What I want is a taco.
Did you heat the plate? What do you think, I'm an animal? Go ahead, viejo.
- Try it.
- No, no, no.
I'm an old man.
I know what I like and what I don't.
Come on.
Try it.
You like it, huh? [crunching.]
Mmm.
- Mmm! - Mm-hm.
- [in English.]
I didn't think I would - I see - What? Was it You do? - I would - I didn't think - You didn't think - I would like it.
- you would like it.
MÃralo.
So good I got you talking in English.
And that, Pop, is what I'm talking about.
[laughs.]
Hell yeah! I'll pick that up later.
[Norteño music playing.]
[dish rattles.]
Um [in Spanish.]
Can you tell me What is this? Chicken tikka masala tacos.
Ah! "The Takis Tacos".
[chuckles.]
Well, I do love Takis.
- No, that's not - [laughs.]
A ver lo que A ver a ver.
Ah Where are the Takis? There was never Takis.
Mmm.
[in Spanish.]
These are not tacos.
- This is not Mexican food.
- Not Mexican food.
It's like a sope but tastes like a chalupa.
- Yeah, for reals.
- Hey, are you sure you're Mexican, güey? Yeah! I'm a Mexican, what does that even mean? You don't think Mexican food can have new flavor to it? - Yes.
- Good flavor.
You going to eat that or what? Hell no! You eat it.
- Then I'll take it.
- Take it.
Wait, so so you do like it? Hell no! But it's free.
Maybe I can rinse off the chicken or something.
Okay, that's it! It's over.
You're done.
Hey, at least give me a real taco to get rid of this flavor.
- Whatever this thing is.
- [Casimiro.]
Hey, cabrón My güero gives you free food.
Delicious food! And you're still complaining? [snaps.]
Get out! Let's go! Let's go! You're done.
You can't leave my mouth like this.
- Give me some radishes or jalapeños? - I'll give you your radish.
Let's go! Some water at least! We are closed.
Estamos cerrados.
- Let's go Adios.
- Some water at least! [door slams shut.]
[sighs.]
I don't know.
They like what they like, mijo.
Yeah.
[woman from device.]
Welcome to the Brown Love Podcast.
Relationship advice for the enlightened Latinx lover.
This week's chica-no-no is toxic masculinity! [in Spanish.]
You know! - Those men who want mothers - Shit! [in English.]
instead of a girlfriend? Ya sabemos [grunts.]
I'm not your mother, and you are not my baby.
Not like that.
Yeah boy, stop being a manchild and get it together, because I am not your [Erik.]
Come on, I ain't no manchild! For those of you who are listening, listen up and do what you gotta do - to treat your woman right - Hey, hey.
Get it together, come on, man! we're constantly showing up for these - men - You're charming.
and they're not doing the same, emotionally.
A million dollar smile.
Just give it to her.
Flash it to her, that's right! That's right, make her fall in love with you all over again, baby.
Silky smooth.
There you go, silky smooth.
[in Spanish.]
You alright, man? Never better.
Everything is awesome.
Hey, how about that Chivas game last night? Didn't catch it.
[in Spanish.]
You didn't watch it? What kind of Mexican are you? What, I didn't watch the game and suddenly I'm not Mexican? Chris, relax, bro.
Hey, you know what, I'm more Mexican than all y'all.
[laughs.]
Okay, sure.
You're Mexican, güerito.
Oh, you don't think so? Test me.
OK.
What kind of test? I don't know, we'll figure it out right here, right now, and we'll settle it.
ÿCómo, cómo? Like a Mexican test? Whatever you want to call it, Chief.
But less talking and more doing.
Bring it on.
OK.
Let the games begin.
[Banda music playing.]
Name five Mexican states.
Jalisco, Oaxaca, Durango No, Durango is a truck.
- Huh? [scoffs.]
- No? OK, uh Baja Shit.
- Chihuahua? - Is that a state? [scoffs.]
Boo! [music continues.]
Name three soap operas starring Thalia.
Oh, you mean the holy trinity of Marias? Marimar, MarÃa la del Barrio, and MarÃa Mercedes, at your service.
Oh! I love all of them.
I'm back with gifts from the market! - Oh, ho ho! - [chuckles.]
Y tequila, cabrones.
Ah! Scary Demon! Purple Parrot! You're so silver and you are a Silver Come on! It's a Silver Snake! And Blue Barracuda.
Now you're just making shit up, cabrón.
Yeah! Mm! [chuckles.]
Puta madre.
Rebanaditas? [alarm sound, laughs.]
Damn it.
De fresa.
Limonazo! Limonazo! [Felix.]
Dale.
What the fuck is that? Serrano? [laughs.]
Here, take this.
You'll feel better.
Try it, cabrón.
[laughs.]
Can I get another one? And you'll return my Salma Hayek? They're not that good.
[tsks.]
Ah! - I'll take it - Ei! No, no, no.
I already started it.
Hombre! I'm going to finish it.
[squealed laughter.]
[table beats.]
[in Spanish.]
Well, it was close.
Mm.
I'm sorry, compa.
You failed.
[laughs.]
- You're not Mexican.
- [chefs laugh.]
Solid effort, buddy.
Solid.
OK, Let's get back on the line because Chef Austin's gonna be here any minute.
[Vincente.]
Vamos.
[claps.]
[Felix.]
Asà que nadie me llora.
[Vincente.]
Don't worry! Maybe next time.
[Felix.]
He wants to cry! He wants to cry! He wants to cry! [laughs.]
I'm not Mexican! Why? [indistinct chatter.]
- [host.]
Right this way.
- Thank you.
[host.]
And here we are.
- Oh! Hey.
- Hi.
Thank you.
Oh! Thank you.
[laughs.]
This place is nice.
I know, right? Is this the spot your cousin works at? Ah No, no.
Come on.
No, that's, that's Spaghetti.
The name of the restaurant is called Spaghetti? Yeah! Yeah, they serve Chinese food there.
It's ironic, you know how hipsters are.
[chuckles.]
Oh! That's that's actually clever, 'cause the Chinese invented spaghetti.
Really? You see, you're brilliant.
I swear, our baby better have your brains.
[laughs.]
You've been reading to him, right? Oh yeah, no, I read her all the books that you got us, 'cause you know it's gonna be - a girl.
- Boy.
You know what? I'm not playing with you because gender is a social construct.
- So - OK.
Thank you.
Where are we? [Chris winces.]
Are you crying, güero? - Is it because you're not Mexican, güey? - [chuckles.]
Or is the tequila making you cry? - 'Cause that's Mexican.
- [laughs.]
It's the onion, fuckfaces.
[Vincente.]
You know what? You can pass the test if you can do a grito like a mariachi.
Well, that's ridiculous, OK? There's no way I'm gonna Ah! Ha! Ha ha! [laughs.]
You kidding? You call that a grito? Ah ha ha ha ha ha! Now that's a manly grito! Alright, you're next Felix.
No, I don't really We don't do gritos.
Yes, we get it.
You're Venezuelan.
[laughs.]
Fucking Mexicans - [laughs.]
- Ah ha ha ha! Who let the delivery guy in the dining room? I thought this was supposed to be a classy place.
Oh shit, you're still chopping onions? How long can a man take chop - [plate clattering.]
- Fucking bastard.
I've told you about leaving the plates close to the burner a million times, Felix.
Sorry.
Sorry what? I'm sorry, Chef.
I'm sorry, Chef.
You're goddamn right, I'm sorry, Chef.
The white devil's got a real stick up his ass today.
[sighs.]
[Latin guitar music playing.]
[laughs in distance.]
I feel like we ordered off the appetizer menu.
[laughs.]
That's it? Like, it's good, but you know, I'm eating for two, so I'mma be a little hungry after this.
You know what, here.
I read that your body needs hella calcium right now, so take that.
- So what, you're reading baby books now? - Yeah.
Nah, you're just trying to get rid of your greens, so don't play.
- Both.
Everybody wins.
- [both laughs.]
Ooh! Speaking of books, a science professor at work donated a few.
Oh, you know I love it when you talk libro to me, girl.
And I may have snagged the ones on environmental catastrophe.
- You remembered! How sweet, - [scoffs.]
but actually we call it cli-fi.
Whatever, just think of this when you're picking people for your bunker.
I already made you a disaster map.
- [chuckles.]
- Oh.
Here you go.
This is going pretty OK.
Why is this going pretty OK? Because I'm serious about being a family.
I really want to believe you, Erik.
We've been here before.
I know.
You're right, we have.
But I was trying to do it for you.
With the baby on the way, I'm doing it for me.
And I may be listening to a certain feminist chicano podcast Are you listening to Brown Love? - Oh, my god.
The world is ending.
[gasps.]
- Shh! That's why you wanted - all those doomsday books, huh? - [chuckles.]
You're gonna get us kicked out of here.
As long as we get tacos after this, your secret's safe with me.
[Chef Austin.]
We're backed up, people.
Can we please stop being so fucking lazy? [in Spanish.]
Hi, faster, please.
- Oh! - [plater clattering.]
Son of a bitch! Fuck! Felix! What the fuck did I tell you about the hot plates? Hm? What the fuck did I say? - Answer me! - [Chris.]
OK, - just layoff.
- You keep out of this.
I know you speak English, so why don't you understand that? Chef, just just let it go, OK? - He gets it.
Right, you get it? - Mm-hm.
Come on.
We wouldn't want to have to buy you a MAGA hat, buddy.
- Come on.
- What? I'm not your fucking buddy.
Get back on the line.
Now listen to me No, why don't you apologize to him? Because that was fucking racist, Chef.
What did you say? Let me try that again.
Why don't you stop being an ignorant shit for brains thundercunt? Thundercunt? [chuckles.]
I got every one of these fucker's jobs and I know for a fact none of them have papers.
Pff.
You want me to be racist? Mm? How about I call ICE right now? Would that make everyone happy? Oh! Fuck! [gasps.]
[groans.]
Oh! [light chuckles.]
[Chef Austin.]
Oh, I already have a deviated septum on the left side, you fucker! [grunts.]
Oh! Ah! My fucking nose, you twat! After tacos, how about dessert? What do you want for dessert? That dress.
Really? Yeah.
Check, please.
Look, let's just split it.
It's gonna be really expensive, so No, no, no.
It's my treat.
I promised.
[Chef Austin, yells.]
Get the fuck out of my kitchen, - you little fucking twat! - [Chris yelps.]
No! Viva México, cabrones.
[groans.]
No! [screams.]
Ah ha ha ha hi! [groaning.]
[Erik, clears throat.]
[crash in the outside.]
And just for the record, my name is Christopher Ernesto Morales.
I am from Boyle fucking Heights! I am 100 percent Mexican, and I quit! Tan, tan! [door opens.]
[clattering.]
[waiter.]
Your check, sir.
[door opens.]
["Mexican Chef" by Xenia Rubinos playing.]
French bistro Domincan chef Italian restaurant Boricua chef Chinese takeout Mexican chef Nouveau America Bachata in the back French bistro Domincan chef Italian restaurant Boricua chef Chinese takeout Mexican chef Nouveau America Bachata in the back Brown walks your baby Brown walks your dog Brown raised America in place of its mom Brown cleans your house Brown takes the trash Brown even wipes your granddaddyâÂÂs ass Brown sews the buttons back on your shirt Brown picks the fruit Brown planted in the dirt Brown drives your bus Brown drives your taxi Brown brings your lunch on a bike when youâÂÂre relaxing I want it, want it all now I want it all now We build the ghettos and we tear them down Brown lays bricks Brown builds your wall Brown tears them down and builds them again Brown breaks his back Brown takes the flack Brown gets cut âÂÂcause his papers are whack Brown sits down Brown does frown