Ghosted (2017) s01e15 Episode Script

The Airplane

1 Bureau Underground vests! - (CHEERING) - There you go.
Everybody should know that we're a group, right? Shouldn't this say "B.
U.
"? MERV: I got a meeting this morning over in Sonoma.
Uh, we're having lunch in a windmill.
Hey, don't embarrass me today, okay? MAX: Oh, my God, I think I just figured out the universe.
Space-time is folded within itself, infinitely, in layers of triangles.
Well, that's a load off my mind.
No, no, no.
Don't you see? It connects to the Triangle Group that Ava found out about, the bugging it's all connected.
Hey, so, we're fired? (WHISPERING): Yeah.
But I still have stuff in my desk.
Me, too.
G-G-Get to the money Oh, yeah, fieldwork.
Electrifies my brain.
Can you feel it? Maybe not exactly the way you do.
I'm excited to be working in the big leagues, though.
KATZENBERG: All right, listen up, people.
Here's what we know.
At 11:56 p.
m.
, Captain Mia Alvarez took off from Mexico City, here, en route to Anchorage.
Four minutes in, the pilot saw a strange flash of light.
She then landed here, over 2,000 miles from the point of departure.
A trip that should have taken approximately five hours took four minutes and 11 seconds.
- (WHISTLES) - So what the hell happened? Well, that's up to you to figure out, today.
FAA agents, you've got the plane here to examine.
FBI, the pilot is in a hospital and should be available for questioning.
And I take it you guys are the B.
U.
- That's correct, sir.
- Uh, folks, if you're not familiar with the Bureau Underground, they are our paranormal - experts, um - (SOFT LAUGHTER) but apparently you guys are the ones who can pull magic out of a hat, so, if you have any idea where I can find an assistant who doesn't fart in the helicopter, - let me know.
- (SOFT LAUGHTER) Get me an answer by 3:55, people.
At 4:00, I brief the president.
Let's go.
All right, since Merv is out terrorizing the countryside with his silhouette, it looks like this is on me.
So let's get organized.
I want What is Bird doing? LEROY: Bird.
LAFREY: Get over here.
Oh.
- Yeah.
This feels right.
- What? I thought you guys were wearing masks of other people.
- Track all this.
- Gentlemen.
Leroy Wright, Max Jennifer.
- Hi.
- Hello there.
Hello there, I'm Alfie Corliss.
If you're done with the black box, we would like a few moments with it.
(LAUGHS SOFTLY) - You wanna have a few moments with it? - Yeah.
You're gonna walk on the beach with it? Nice, quiet dinner and then slip your hand up its skirt? - Maybe.
- (LAUGHS) MAX: Uh, no.
We I mean, we just want to study the flight data.
Oh, right.
I'm s I am so sorry.
I was very rude to you.
Y-You want to check to see if there's a ghost in the box? - Oh, oh.
I'm so sor - Not real that Like, look, we don't have the fancy detecting stuff that you guys have, like the like the backpacks that have, like, you know, CGI effects and all of that stuff.
But there's nothing spooky in the black box.
- Okay, Shaggy? - (LEROY LAUGHS) I see it, actu um You have to coax the ghost out - with ghost bait.
- Oh.
Don't feel bad, don't expect you to know - about the special bait.
- (CHUCKLES) Seriously, though.
When can we see the box? (CLEARS THROAT) Gentlemen, we're still working with the box.
We'll let you know when we're done, okay? So why don't you go back to the Mystery Machine, - have your Scooby Snacks - (AGENTS SNICKERING) and we'll let you know when we're done.
Wow.
Okay.
Uh, we have some questions for the pilot.
Oh, oh, sure.
Uh Is one of them, "Were you Amelia Earhart in a previous life?" Ha! Ha, ha.
No.
Let's have a little (GROANING): look.
Oh, c-can you hold? Yeah? Good.
- Hey! - Ooh oh, hello.
CORLISS: What the hell are you doing? Well, the, uh, engine's a little high to look into, and the ladder, when you climb it, it makes you higher.
Okay, Bureau Underground, I think you're aware that you're not qualified to be here, so can you please just kind of stay out of everyone's way? Thank you.
MAX: I'd like to punch that guy right in the penis.
You don't mean "kick him in the balls"? Well, either way.
It was on Merv to tell us we had to bring our own lunches.
Well, perhaps he's getting us a spread, maybe a Mediterranean.
He ain't bringing a Mediterranean spread.
Let's just order a pizza.
It'll take too long to get here.
I'll be the problem solver.
MAX: Bird, what are you doing? Uh, does anyone have any leftover food?! - Bird, no.
- Oh, my gosh.
LEROY: Dude.
BIRD: We forgot to bring food! LAFREY: Don't look at him.
Don't look at him.
Bird He's collecting garbage.
SHAKER: We got some crusts.
Are you serious? Can we just go? I mean, how much more humiliation can we take? - MAN: Here you go! - MAX: I can't (LAUGHTER) BIRD: Got an orange.
(LAUGHTER) No more humiliation.
We are gonna solve this case.
We are.
They don't know anything about paranormal.
They have no training.
They don't have dope sky blue vests with the P.
U.
swag.
Only we can solve this.
Where is he going? DAVEY: Sneaking over into their area.
Do they see him? Oh, my God.
He's taking the black box.
He's taking the black box.
Yes, Leroy.
- Yes sorry.
- No, don't clap.
Shh.
You realize we could get - arrested for this? - They were supposed to share.
- This is on them.
- A plane can't go 2,000 miles in four minutes without evidence of something abnormal.
Linda and Barry, get to those engines.
Slither on your bellies if you have to.
It shouldn't come to that.
They're quite high up, but, yes, in principle.
Great.
Davey, Annie, Sasha, get to that pilot.
- I'll get to her.
- She'll wish she were dead.
No, just be polite.
Stay low.
Stay sneaky.
Go.
Yeah.
Okay.
(GRUNTING) (WHISPERS): Yeah, okay.
Hey.
(KEYS CLATTERING) Oh.
Captain, what altitude were you at when you first noticed the flash of light? (PHONE RINGS) Hello? ANNIE: Captain Alvarez, did it feel like you were flying for only four minutes or five hours? ALVAREZ: Well, it kind of felt like both.
- Okay, who is that? - BIRD: Captain Alvarez, do you still have your belly button? ALVAREZ: My belly button? You! Hang up right now! - LEROY: What you got? - I don't know.
Look at this.
There was an attempt made to contact the airplane just before the pilot claims to have seen the light.
- Mm-hmm.
- But check out where the call came from.
"RXD.
" That's an airport code.
So? Well, there is no airport with that code.
- (EXHALES) - LAFREY: Barry, what happened to you? This volcanic ash is from the wing of the plane.
NEW THEORY: the plane flew into a flying volcano.
Hold up, something doesn't sound plausible, but There was no active volcano on the flight path.
There's a dormant volcano, but it hasn't erupted for hundreds of years.
Hey.
There isn't an airport with a code RXD, but there will be.
Shedsrock Construction has a permit to build one in Durango, Mexico, with ground breaking in 2023.
What? Oh, my God.
Holy cow.
Mamma mia.
- What are you? - Leroy, mamma mia.
Mamma CORLISS: You took it.
I'm sorry, did you lose something? You stole the black box from us.
- What? - You lost the black box? Katzenberg is not gonna be happy about this.
- Max.
- MAX: Yeah.
- Guess what.
- What? - They lost the black box.
- They lost the black box? Yes.
MAX: You guys lost a How do you lose a black box? Wait a second, maybe it's on your table.
I remember seeing it on your table.
Yeah, I bet you saw it on our table.
You know what y'all should do, keep an eye on the plane.
Like, maybe put a boot on it or something.
- Yeah, or maybe a club.
- ANNIE: Yeah, The Club.
- Those things.
- Yes.
Very secure.
- That thing works.
- It totally.
- It's a visual deterrent.
- ANNIE: Mm-hmm.
- Use that, won't get stolen.
- Lock it up.
MAX: Lock it up.
- CORLISS: All right.
D-Don't - BUREAU UNDERGROUND: Lock it up! - Lock it up! Lock it up! - Don't do that.
Do not do that.
- Lock it up! Lock it up! - How's, uh, how's cheerleading camp? Well uh, I'm Director Merv Minette.
What's going on? Director Minette, your team here stole our black box.
MERV: Did you guys take the black box? - No.
- ANNIE: We did not.
No way.
Well, they said they didn't take it, so they didn't take it.
- Really? - MERV: Mm-hmm.
Okay.
Um (RAPID BEEPING) MAX: You guys hear that? LEROY: Some sort of dinging.
MAX: Oh, my That looks exactly like the one you guys had.
You guys can borrow ours if you want to.
Very unprofessional.
Okay, okay.
They were totally mean to us and they wouldn't share any of their stuff with us all day.
Yeah, and they made Bird eat garbage.
They made him.
Oh, so they didn't play nicey-nice with the weird-looking kids who live in the dark house on the corner.
Okay, Merv, listen.
We just solved the case.
Solved it how? The airplane dipped through a fold in time.
You remember the triangle theory I was telling you about, right? Check this out.
Holy Mother of God, did you say this to anyone here? - LEROY: Not yet.
- Don't.
Not ever.
We're gonna we're gonna listen to whatever theory they have, we're gonna nod our heads in agreement, and then we're gonna get on our special bus and we're going home.
But we have to tell Katzenberg at the very least.
Any one of you bozos says anything, even if it's a-a bing on your triangle, is fired.
Okay? No discussion.
Fired.
It's nice to have him back.
Then we discovered our next aberration.
There were a set of keys found in one of the engines.
And based on the style and color of the key chain, plus a little, rubber flip-flop ornament, we created a profile of a single, middle-aged woman who's never traveled outside of the country.
We think that this evid What is he doing? Excuse me.
Sorry, that's, uh, that's mine.
Sorry, thank you.
CORLISS: All right.
(CLEARS THROAT) Our theory involves a hacking of our systems by a foreign power.
- Now, the Russians and the - They're just telling Katzenberg - what they think he wants to hear.
- Disgraceful.
CORLISS: our missile defense system by hacking into our global satellite imaging system.
We think that this was a successful test attack.
KEN (WHISPERING): Guys, I just got a geothermal reading back.
There's been a swelling at the volcano.
It's going to erupt, probably within the next ten years.
This is a smoking gun.
Can you prove this thing? Well, yeah.
CORLISS: closer examination of our mainframes could help - trace the country of origin.
- Come on.
CORLISS: This, we feel, is the only plausible theory - given the evidence - Katzenberg! None of that is correct.
No one here is telling you the truth.
They're all terrified that it'll make them look crazy - because they're cowards.
- MAX: Look, there's only one truth that accounts for everything.
The pilot claims that she did travel for five hours.
En route, the plane was contacted by an airport that hasn't been built yet and passed through ash from a volcano that hasn't erupted yet.
I'm not following you, son.
Time travel.
Time travel.
Look, time, i-i-it travels through triangles, right? And as you reach the point of a triangle in accordance with the theory of Gromov's hyperbolic groups, two layers of time get very close together.
Very close.
So close, in fact, that time from over here goes boop, right into time from over here, and then boop right back again.
Just a quick boop, boop.
(MURMURING) What the Bureau Underground is suggesting is that this plane went boop, boop through time.
It's an interesting theory.
I think this is something we can go on.
But I do have one question, boys.
Anything.
Who ya gonna call? Thank you, everyone.
(LAUGHTER) - (HUMS "GHOSTBUSTERS") - (CLEARS THROAT) Oh.
(LAUGHS) (BOTH HUMMING "GHOSTBUSTERS") (AGENTS HUMMING "GHOSTBUSTERS") Hey, hairdo.
Uh, we'll have a case of red and a side of a case of white.
Thank you.
Now, there's gonna come a point where you think you've had enough, but you haven't.
Not after today.
Um, but that's not healthy.
It's not gonna be every day.
But it's gonna be today.
We need this today.
Like they say in AA, one day at a time.
I think we should say something.
Remember the last time you had that thought? (EXHALES) I can't stand it, either.
Hey, what you drinking, Captain? (CHUCKLES) Uh, this is a 2032 Cab.
You know, I don't really like the wines from our time, - so I just reached - (LAUGHTER) into a magic triangle, and boop, - there's my wine.
- Okay.
All right, we deserve a little light ribbing.
We were off base, shouldn't have gone out of school.
But you should know, there was some real solid evidence there.
Yeah, uh, bartender, can we get another round, on us, please? Thank you.
Thank you.
No problem.
You know, I say things for a reason, okay? I mean, I've known these guys for a long, long time.
Yeah.
We should have listened.
Yeah, well How about a toast? To the mighty P.
U.
- (MAX CHUCKLES) - LEROY: To the mighty P.
U.
Everybody knows that a mermaid is half a beautiful woman, half beautiful fish.
But it's a myth that the top half is usually the woman.
They shouldn't have said that about your keys.
Oh, uh, they were a present from my great aunt, for graduating primary school.
(CHUCKLES) They don't work.
Strictly ornamental.
Oh, my God.
Okay, I-I'm gonna be nice to you tonight.
Thank you.
- You're welcome.
- Yes.
You know, I got to hand it to you guys.
You came up with this-this wacky theory and you-you stuck to it.
And you're right, those other guys bunch of cowards.
I'm a coward.
Did I tell you the time I hid under a pile of dead bodies in the Mekong Delta from a militia of nine-year-olds? Hmm? First time I'm hearing of that one.
Mm.
Well (SNIFFLES) (GRUNTS) Good luck to you.
What, we're actually fired? Well, you didn't think the wine was gonna turn things around, did you? You know, if I changed my mind every time I had six drinks, I'd have 4,000 wives.
(LAUGHS) So You know, I'd say you have to give those vests back, but you've earned 'em.
- ("GHOSTBUSTERS" PLAYING ON PIANO) - Huh.
Huh.
Can't get much lower.
Something strange in the neighborhood Who ya gonna call? Ghostbusters There's something weird And it don't look good Who ya gonna call? Ghostbusters! "Katzenberg!" - Good, right? - (LAUGHTER) I ain't afraid of no ghost "Katzenberg!" (LAUGHTER) I ain't afraid of no ghost - (STAMMERS) - Oh, s-sorry.
If you're seeing things ALL: Boo! - Bye! - Who ya gonna call? - Ghostbusters! - Boo! An invisible man Sleeping in your bed Who ya gonna call? - I know who.
- Ghostbusters I feel like if we hang out, everyone's gonna talk.
I don't have a problem with that.
I ain't afraid of no ghost Cheers.
(LAUGHS) (SASHA MOANS) I ain't afraid of no ghost.
Oh! (MUSIC FADES) ANNIE: I think if my math is right, - I had 26 glasses of wine.
- (LAUGHS) (BOTH LAUGH) - Guess what.
- Hmm.
I hate these powder blue vests more - than anything I've ever seen.
- (LAUGHS) But you're wearing the hell out of yours.
Well, you look like a greeter from Best Buy.
Like, I want to buy a Blu-ray player from you.
I'll sell you a Blu-ray player.
Well, let's sell each other Blu-ray players.
That's some weird-ass flirting.
Yeah.
(THUNDER RUMBLING) (URINATING) MAN: Hey, nice penis.
Are you Are you me? Yeah.
From about 20 years from now.
How? No, you're too drunk.
Now, give me that fleece.
You're just gonna lose it.
Are you cold or something? Come on, now.
Just remember to give it back.
Just kidding.
Oh.
(LAUGHS) You see, now this ends up not being so embarrassing, because you get a job teaching physics at Pyongyang University.
Go P.
U.
So my life actually ends up, like, pretty good.
Yeah, it's it's awesome.
Listen.
The reason I'm here.
You cannot, under any circumstances, tell Katzenberg about the triangles.
(THUNDER RUMBLING) - Okay.
- You can't tell him.
What he does with that information, - he tells - Yes, da, ba, da, do, bo, ba.
I hear you.
Oh, look.
I know you're going through a tough time, so if it helps, you're right.
About everything.