Ghosts (2019) s02e02 Episode Script

1
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He's back! Mick's back!
-Mick?
-Mick's back!
-Mick's back!
-He is! Look!
-Hi, everyone!
-WOMAN: Hi, Mickie!
All right, all right!
One at a time,
let him speak! Speak, Mick.
Oh, it was the adventure
of my life.
I had an orange
-Did you?
-Oh!
I saw a bear kill a man
Oh, gosh!
And I met the king!
No, you didn't!
-Did you?
-
You met the king?
-Yeah.
-Ooh, jel.
Went on his boat. Fishing.
-Fishing
-Yeah, he asked me
-but I said no way
I'm leaving you lot.
Sweetie!
Mick!
I'd always wanted
to visit the city,
You have.
That's always been
-You had, yeah.
-Ooh, almost forgot.
I got you all some gifts!
-That's naughty of you!
-
You didn't think I'd go
all that way without
Got loads of salt.
-And
-MAN: For us?
-WOMAN: Look at them!
-I can't believe
Yeah!
-It's all quality stuff.
-That's so generous of you!
Yeah, one each! Yeah!
Help yourselves!
-Mick, that's naughty
-Help yourselves!
-WOMAN: Look at it!
Alison!
Alison!
Alison! Alison!
- Alison!
Alison!
- Oh, my God.
CAPTAIN: Alison! Alison!
Alison!
Oh, my God.
Alison! Alison!
Alis Right. Stand by.
Ready, steady, go!
For king and country!
Oh, I feel so sick.
Can you get me some water?
Get your own w
I've lost my voice.
I don't remember
leaving the pub.
Must've had fun.
At least we don't have to
work today.
MIKE: Make it stop.
Hello?
Sorry, who from who?
-Isabelle from Belle's Weddings?
-
-Yeah, ah, thanks
Yeah, we're really keen
to be on your books
If you'll have us.
It's a lovely house.
Today?
I wonder if if
No, no, no, no, no. Oh, no.
Okay, today
Today's fine. Today's fine.
Maybe just sort of,
like, late, after
1:00 is it? Okay.
All right.
Okay, bye!
Oh, my God.
Okay, I just need
to shake this off
Ohh.
Bit of breakfast.
We'll be fine.
Shut your mouth!
It is a mansion!
Yeah, boy!
The impertinence!
Oh, this looks like fun!
The bally nerve!
It's gone midnight.
Yeah, it is very late.
Yeah, absolutely.
-Welcome to my house!
-
Alison!
Alison
Oh.
Oh.
Oh.
They came back.
I think I did my throat bass.
Yeah, you did.
Oh.
Shall we just call back
and cancel?
No way, we need it.
We can get this clean in time.
Have you seen my other shoe?
Uh-uh.
Okay. You get people out.
No.
I'm going to get
bin bags.
She awakes.
Oh, God.
As radiant
as the sunrise itself.
My mouth tastes
like the inside of a bin.
I would have made you breakfast
if I could.
Perhaps a lamb's
kidney and onion.
Oh, stop it!
I wanted to thank you
for last night.
I'll never forget those words
you said to me.
What did I say?
Something that touched me
very deeply.
Forgive me,
I know I've not had
but I wonder if I might
Thomas, it's fine.
You're part of the family.
Thank you, Alison,
a thousand thank-yous!
Oh, that!
Yeah, yeah, I meant it.
Are you okay?
Okay.
-It's home time.
Come on, man.
It's time to go.
Why d'you sound like Batman?
I lost my voice.
You've got to go home, bruv.
Got a wedding planner
coming to look
Come on, then.
-Where are your shoes?
-
I'll go.
Oh, hi, Michael.
Sorry about that.
I was just wondering
if you could just
-We're a bit fragile.
-We're actually just finished.
-At last!
-
We'll miss them, won't we?
We made rather
an exciting discovery, actually.
Because, you see,
none of the surrounding
so we know the disease
was brought here
-That's new.
by a visitor or an individual
who went elsewhere and returned.
It could be anyone,
I suppose, couldn't it?
But then we found a few
samples of textiles and furs
and we can be certain
that they were host
to plague-carrying fleas.
Once they got out,
you've got no chance!
I'm so sorry. I didn't know.
I don't think sorry's
going to cut it, mate.
Ah, Alison, there you are!
Would you mind putting
Guernsey's Nazi Past
I haven't watched
my football yet.
Would you kindly tell Patrick
that he missed his turn
and a miss is
as good as a mile?
Guys, please,
can you keep it down?
-No, Alison, I'm sorry
-I don't care!
She doesn't!
-Alison!
-
Oh, I Actually, I can't
I can't deal with
this this morning.
So hungover
I actually, genuinely
Hm, you need a remedy.
Hair of the dog, love.
Just drink more booze.
-Did you say that last night?
-Yes.
I have the cure.
Soak some mushrooms
in milk of the goat and vinegar
till it's all warm and musty
-No, stop it
-
Well, you see, Alison,
this is what happens
when you overindulge.
-Square!
-When you give in
You reap what you sow.
You reap what you sow,
and now the soil returns
Hey.
Morrow.
Oh, actually,
no, yeah, good.
Hey, look. Cola!
Best thing for it.
Oh, God, that is
-Oh, no, sorry.
-Ah, here she is!
The madam! The hostess!
Just when I think you have
grasped the responsibility
you turn this place
into a den of iniquity,
inviting goodness-knows-who
to do goodness-knows-what.
Sorry, I think someone's
hid my clothes.
Good Lord!
I shudder to think what happened
under this roof last night.
This place is
full of breakables,
treasured family heirlooms,
irreplaceable bits
of historical
Nothing's damaged
and it's just a mess
So, just don't don't worry.
Well, don't think
I won't notice.
Oh, God!
Where's Dante?
Dante?
The dog.
-Can we get a photo with him?
-Oh, yes, let's get
-Have you got your phone?
-A photograph with the girls!
Here's to me, too!
-Cheers!
-KITTY: Cheers!
Kitty's having a wonderful time
at the party! Don't forget me!
-That's good!
-My turn!
My turn!
Take a photo with me!
Alison! Alison,
sorry to bother you.
The Captain asked me
to convey a message
just to turn the music off
and to
"cease talking immediately."
Tell him to stick it.
Okay.
Oh!
Oh!
-He's not here.
-Ooh, you're in trouble now.
But I thought he was
just an ornament.
No, he did mean
a lot to Lady B.
Loved it like her own child.
Once told me she loved it
more than anything else
Well, I'm sure that
-Thanks, Alison. Great party!
-Same time next week?
-Ha-ha-ha. No!
-MIKE: I don't think so, mate.
Good luck, mate!
You're not going to make it.
-Oh!
-Oh, yes!
Yeah, boy!
-Ready?
-I was born ready.
'Tis a fair old wangle, that.
You haven't got the strength.
-I got this.
-Whoa! Ha-hey!
-"Stick it"?
-Wahey!
Afraid so.
-In my bottom, presumably.
-Ohh.
Well, you go down there
and you tell her
Me turn!
Whoa! Whoa!
Wahey!
Yes! Well done!
-Told you!
-It's a stupid game anyways.
You stupid.
I didn't think this through
Just getting my shoes.
I can't say I'm surprised
that something
-I'll have to tell her,
of course.
I will not allow Fanny
to be deceived
-No more
war documentaries, then.
It's classified.
She'd have to kill me first.
-Well, you know what I mean.
-Right. Find the dog. Clean up.
Two hours Oh, my word!
Wow! Why?
What are you doing up here?
We're actually going
to live up here now, actually.
-Mick killed us all.
-Which is not remotely cool.
-No, no, no, no, no, no, no.
We can't be sharing the place
with these plebeians.
-What?
-He gave us all the plague.
Yeah, look.
And this.
-
-And this.
-Oh, what even is it?
-Guys, please!
-Oh, here she is!
Guys, please, please
Piss off, Mick!
Can you please
go back downstairs?
Because, no offence,
but you're actually
We're not going anywhere.
-Mick should go
if anyone's doing going!
-Order! Order!
We need to come
to an understanding here.
These people
People? Yeah. People.
These people deserve
a full inquiry, chaired by me.
Get to the bottom
of this business.
Ha! You couldn't get
to the bottom of a birdbath.
I'll have you know
I have extensive experience
It'll be nice to be
the one asking the questions,
for a change. Haa
Come on, then, oiks.
Come on, let's go.
Not all of you,
just your sharpest minds.
Well, that's definitely me.
You go through.
-Do I have to come?
-Yeah, you have to come.
It's all about you, innit?
Right, you stay here.
No, you stay.
You definitely stay.
Right, you guys
search for Dante.
And tell the others.
I've got to clear up.
-Patrick, you get the others
-Right, you find the others
-I'll begin the search.
-I'll start looking upstairs.
BOTH: I'm not
taking orders from you!
What is the matter
with you two this morning?
Can you just
Can you just
Well
Oh, boy.
Don't do it, mate.
Whatever it is, don't do it.
-Ohh!
-No, no, no, no, no
Come on!
Alison!
Alison!
She can't hear you.
I can't hear you.
JULIAN: Yes, here we go.
A bit more of that.
It's called a Long and Strong.
It's called a Long and Strong.
-And a slug of dark rum.
-Dark rum!
-Yeah!
-Ohh!
Oh, no! Oh, no!
I spilled wine on him.
I've heard white wine helps.
-Got it.
-Oh, yeah, salt helps.
Is that helping?
Maybe try white wine.
Actually, white wine's meant
to be best, isn't it?
I said it first!
Nice little bath!
I said it first!
That's a good dog.
You're fine.
Where are you?
Who? Who are you
looking for?
Nothing. No one. Mike.
Ah. Well, I saw him
going upstairs.
No trousers on.
No shoes. At this hour!
I'll tell him.
Hmm.
Oh, God.
And, Mick,
is it fair to say that
these boxes of cloths and furs
could have been
brought in by anyone?
No, I brought that box back
when I come back from London
when I gone there.
-He confesses!
-Killer!
He's just admitted to it!
Order! Order!
Shut up a second, please!
-Oh, right, you do it for her!
-Has anyone seen a stuffed dog?
-Mick probably killed it.
-Gone walkies, has he?
Yeah.
-You can't teach
an old dog new tricks!
Hey, stay out
of my personal dance space!
You call that dancing?
You do but bounce, boy!
I bounce good!
CAPTAIN:
Stop it! Stop it!
Patrick!
Patrick! What on God's
green earth do you think
-Well
-I sent you down here
to stop this nonsense
and now you're joining in!
Carousing! You are
a spineless little traitor!
-Oh, naff off, you wazzock!
-Yes!
-Go out of it!
-You'll see. Right!
CAPTAIN:
He's the wazzock
-Oh, there, there.
What ails thee?
Alison hates me!
Let it all out.
I always feel better
after little cry.
Have a little rest in here.
Oh.
Oh, God!
Oh, half an hour!
Mike!
I could really
do with your help down here!
I could do
with your help up here!
-Ah.
-I've just checked in there.
Well, I'd like to check
for myself, please, Patrick.
-Fine. Fine.
-Checking what?
In my room?
Mice.
Yes. Robin spotted
some earlier in the kitchen.
And we know you're not fond,
so we thought we'd ch-check.
Dante!
Dan
Who's Daniel?
Oh, I was just doing a song
about the nice names.
Daniel, Veronica
Ugh.
I already checked in there.
No one listen to me.
I don't know why I bother.
Sorry.
Oh, she sleeps now.
Look so peaceful.
Oh!
Right, well, he's not in there.
No need to look again.
What's going on?
-Y
-What?
Tony!
Tony!
Tony! Tony!
Tone
No, no, no, no.
Tone Tone
Tony! Tony!
Long way down!
You know that.
Oh
Any luck?
-Negative.
-Nothing, I'm afraid.
-And you?
-Uh.
I might know where he is.
Oh, thank goodness, Kitty.
Where?
Oh, you can hear me
now, can you?
You've decided
I exist again?
Oh, God. Kitty, you know
that it's very difficult
Actually, I think I tried
to tell you that last night.
I'm so sorry, Kitty,
but I can't talk right now,
because I've got guests here.
Kitty, I'm so sorry,
but I can't talk right now
because I've got guests here.
Kitty, I'm so sorry, but I
Oh! I thought you were talking
to someone else called Kitty.
No.
Well, that's fine, then.
Friends forever.
Great. Great.
Yes, so where's Dante?
Have you tried
by the front door?
That's where he usually is.
-Thank you, Kitty.
-You're welcome!
There's no way we're going
back down there with him.
I said I was sorry.
I'm really sorry.
-You killed my kids, mate.
-I've got a boil the size of
Look, look, look,
we all have
you know,
but we move on.
I'm sure you can all remember
something that annoyed you
but that after a while
You know?
Yeah, like when
John milked my cow
-There you are.
-I asked your wife.
-That's not good enough,
though, is it?
-in my own marriage?
-What I'm saying
-Walter ate my best apple.
-Only 'cause he widdled
-He did do that. I saw him.
-Yeah.
-I improved it, if anything.
-What?
Yeah, you can't do faces.
I'm sorry, you can't do faces.
What's that got to do
I would have killed you
if he hadn't killed you!
-I would have bled you out
-Order! Order!
Mike? What are you doing?
She'll be here soon!
So, how goes the search?
What, for the dog
or the husband?
Ha. You'd think
he'd be more helpful
Yeah, you'd think,
wouldn't you?
I've been thinking
about what you said.
And I know nothing has changed.
But everything has changed,
has it not?
-If we could only
-Mike!
Honestly, he's probably
asleep again.
Snoring, as he was last night.
What?
Thank you
for walking me home.
And thank you.
It really was the merriest party
this house has seen
I shall bid you goodnight, then.
Thomas?
Yes?
If I was 400 years older
and you were alive
and we were the same age,
and if I wasn't,
you know, with Mike, then
you and me might have
Night.
Oh, my goodness.
Oh, Thomas,
I didn't mean to
Dante!
Oh, God.
Can we please get back
to the business in hand?
You're not very good
at this, are you?
Excuse me! I'm not about
to take diplomacy lessons
from a diseased,
unwashed you know!
-I beg your pardon?
-Sorry?
What's that supposed
to mean? "Unwashed"?
I had a bath every year.
Well you smell!
There, I said it.
That's a nasty thing to say.
Not just him.
Yeah, you all do.
-How dare you?
-What are you saying?
It isn't the point
-Hang on, you can't
take it back now!
No, I don't want to
take it back.
You smell of dung,
of caca, of poo-poo.
Yes! I don't know how
I thought this could work.
None of you have
got any respect.
You know, that's the problem
with the common man
he doesn't know
when to shut up
and listen
to the voice of reason.
Oh, God, this is
Oh, God, it's really horrible.
Just stuff its head
back into shape
Yes, I know, but
-Maybe use some tissues
or something.
-Underneath the tail.
-Bum. Bum.
She's coming!
-Quick, quick, quick.
-THOMAS: Start stuffing.
Deeper, deeper,
deeper, deeper.
Oh, God.
MARY: You're doing it!
KITTY: Stay calm.
-KITTY: Shh, shh.
-Oh, God, he's still wet.
Stick him by the fire,
he'll soon dry out.
Make haste!
-Yeah, no, yeah, no.
Yeah, no
-Oh! Nice to see you.
-Oh, hello, you!
CAPTAIN: Hello, Fanny.
ROBIN: How are you doing?
What's Dante doing there?
Well, I was just tidying up
and I thought
that we should try him
in a new spot.
-Yes, he's nice there.
-
He used to like
sitting by the fire.
-Ugh.
Oh, yeah, that'll be
the pigeons, mate.
Amazing how much
they produce.
We did it.
Well, I did it.
Well, it was difficult,
but my careful diplomacy
led them
to a full reconciliation.
I'm not staying up here
with him.
I'd rather live with Mick,
and he killed my whole family.
-I am sorry.
-That's all right, Mick.
-They were lovely furs.
-MICK: Yeah, to die for.
-I suppose
-You know, people say things
-sometimes you get
carried away
and I really
didn't mean to, and
Well, all I want
to say is I'm sorry
-I'd like to forget
-and it's good to have you
We cool?
Yeah, we be cool.
Okay.
Mike, where are you?
She's here!
-Oh, God.
-
Okay, everyone, shh!
Welcome to Button House!
Ow!
-Urgh!
-