Ghosts (2019) s02e04 Episode Script

1
PAT: Okay.
Thank you, Lady B.
Right, for me,
it's a nice day,
so I would go for my tracky Bs,
my tracky
-Ooh.
-JULIAN: Trendy.
-Robin?
-Er
Apollo A7L spacesuit.
You've got liquid cooling,
portable life-support system,
locking cuff, go, "Kshhh"
Spaceman. Yeah, really cool.
-Very cool.
-Julian?
-Trousers.
-Right, any sort of
No, any kind of trousers.
It's funny, you don't miss them
till they're gone.
No. Kitty?
Blue jeans
and a green jumper.
Like Alison?
Oh, gosh. Yes!
-We'd be like twins.
-Captain?
This.
-You're kidding.
-No.
We're saying you get up
in the morning and you can
Thomas is wearing double denim
with aviators!
-So
-And Mary
is wearing a dress
made out of seashells.
With a simple lobster hat.
-Still wouldn't change a thing.
-All right.
Well, that's it for
What I Would Wear
Don't forget later,
Julian will be giving a speech
at 6:00 p.m. sharp,
on the art of spin.
-Is that off spin
or leg spin? Because
Different kind of spin.
It's a political tactic,
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
Let's save it for later.
-Yeah, okay, yeah, okay.
-Cool, cool.
Look at all these bits
I found out there.
-ALL: Ooh.
-That's interesting.
That might be
worth something.
Is that Queen Victoria?
Oh, that's Elizabeth II.
Which one's that?
Our one.
Oh, I despair.
Hmm. There might be
something else
There's an old pipe
and whatever this is.
Ah, looks like a musket ball.
-FANNY: Yes, I think it is.
-They think it's a musket ball.
It is.
Thomas, you don't think
that it's the one that
I know it.
Oh, God.
Oh, God, it burns.
Mock me no more,
cruel world!
It's a musket ball.
Are you sure
you want me to come?
-Everyone's bringing partners.
-Yeah, but it's your reunion.
I didn't even go to your school.
I'll just be like a lemon.
Obi's going to be there.
You can talk to him.
Is that Kevin guy going?
Kevin McMahan?
You know
who I'm talking about.
The one you dumped
when you met me.
I don't know. Maybe.
-Is his partner
going to be there?
I don't know if he has one.
Right. Okay.
Yeah, cool.
-Are you okay?
-Yep. Cool.
-Okay.
-Cool.
Cool, cool, cool.
I am cool.
Thomas.
I wanted to apologise
for my outburst earlier today.
Which one?
You are kind
to make light of it.
It must've been a shock
to see me so ruled
-Erm
-You see,
I was overcome
with the memory of it all.
Come in.
'Tis not a pleasant thing
to contemplate,
Hmm.
Perhaps I can give you account
of the unhappy events
Oh, you don't have to.
October 10th, 1824.
-Okay.
-A crisp autumnal afternoon.
My cousin and I had
accepted invitation
to a gathering
at Higham House,
as it then was known.
FRANCIS: What a place.
Imagine inheriting this!
It's pleasant enough to visit.
I wouldn't want to live here!
The day's proceedings
were to feature recitals
of both music and poetry.
Try not to
embarrass me, Cousin.
I looked forward
to unveiling my new work,
but most of all,
I looked forward
to seeing once again
my beloved Isabelle.
Oh, my heart
is aflutter, Cousin.
She is fine indeed.
Shall we speak to the girl?
Nay! Nay, nay, nay, nay.
She is with her father.
He does not know
we have an attachment.
Though I long to know
that her feelings are unchanged.
Write her a note, then.
I will deliver it.
I will be your Cupid.
I penned a note,
thanked my cousin
Thank you, Cousin.
-and waited,
breath bated, for the
Oh, where is that thing?
I am listening.
Carry on.
-Snickers?
-Yes.
What's wrong with Marathon?
Snickers sounds like
"It's knickers"
'S knickers. 'S knickers.
-Well, is that a bad thing?
-
PAT: Well, no, I suppose not,
but what does it mean?
It doesn't make
any bloody sense, does it?
-Am I early?
-As usual!
You and Lady B
are always the first.
What?
I was just saying
you're always the first.
PAT: You could set
a clock by you two.
FANNY: Well, there's
nothing wrong
Anyway, it's not six yet, so
let's talk
amongst ourselves, shall we?
So your cousin
gave her your letter?
-Yes.
-Oh, my
In the meantime,
the day's entertainments
-Oh.
-
And soon it came
my turn to enthral.
And now, esteemed guests,
we are honoured by a recital
from our greatest living poet,
Thomas Thorne.
"Summer hath aroused
The twilight of life in the hay
"Shadows long and dark
"Time has passed
Since the honeymoon of May
"And held aloft by rosy buds
"Whose nectar sweet forbade"
How I longed
to read her words.
But Hermione And Roger
is an epic poem,
and I could not cheat
my rapt audience.
"Upon the banks
Of the rushing Ouse
"Sits there a poor man
"Oh, welcome, Death"
Two hours later,
I finally reached
"On this earth
We are but lodger
"For she was his Hermione
"And he always
"Her Roger!"
-Bravo! Bravo!
The man's a genius!
Oh, God.
Oh, thank you.
Silence for Lady Isabelle.
FRANCIS:
Her letter, Cousin.
THOMAS: "Dear Mr Thorne.
"I'm sorry,
but I do not love you.
"Perhaps you misinterpreted
my words or actions
"when last we met."
Might you have done?
I mean, you do maybe have
the tendency to, you know,
get the wrong idea.
Are you saying
what I think you're saying?
Almost definitely not.
-And again, not.
-No.
Hmm.
Mmm.
Nah, bruv.
I was just thinking
the other day
-There you go.
They're late.
-Always the same ones.
-Well
-Well, what else
have they got to do?
Not stuck in traffic, are they?
Or washing their hair.
Let's play a game
to pass the time.
How about Grandma
Went To The Shops
-Oh, not this.
THOMAS: As my sweetheart
played on,
I was racked
with confusion.
I cannot fathom it.
Her affections were
so clear before.
Poor cousin.
Perhaps her father
has discovered us
and forbidden the match.
I must know.
Let her tell me
to my face, at least.
Have a care, Cousin.
I wouldn't want you
further hurt in this.
-Shall we take our leave?
Stand aside, Cousin.
Excuse me.
Excuse me. Excuse me.
MAN: Isabelle Higham?
Ha! The girl's unbearable,
ugly and untalented.
Unbearable, you say?
Untalented, you say?
Damn your eyes, I say!
Damn your head, shoulders,
knees, and toes, sir.
And what concern
is it of yours?
I happen to love that woman
of whom you speak.
And I demand satisfaction.
If her father thought me
unworthy before,
he certainly thought me
worthy now.
Very well.
Good luck, Cousin.
THOMAS:
The evening air was cold.
Those of steady stomach
came to witness my bravery.
I'll count your paces.
Four, five, six
Eleven, twelve
-
-MAN: Good God.
Thomas!
Cousin!
We didn't get to 20.
I am shot.
He cheated, the coward.
I am done for.
May God welcome me
to the heavens.
ISABELLE: My beloved!
My darling!
Oh, how foolish was I
to believe
Papa would not approve.
You are the best of men.
Kiss me
as the French do.
Oh. Oh!
ROBIN:
That didn't happen.
What?
It didn't happen!
I was there.
Of course you were!
Well, that's how
I remembered it.
-ALISON: Go on, Robin.
-I remember that day.
Great.
-Are we really going to
-Let's hear it.
He come on horsey
with pasty friend.
It big, nice house.
Nice to come.
Me not want live here.
Oh, blast!
After he clean poo
from his lady shoes,
he come inside.
Oh, what you got there?
Ta-da!
GUEST: Look that.
What so good?
No!
No, do it again.
Do it again!
And now, man called
Thomas do poem.
Something 'bout flowers,
or wine, or girls, or something.
It was big boring,
but outside something happened.
Blink one for yes,
two for no.
No!
Really?
Where?
Something was in grounds.
Ooh! There!
I have sixth sense,
so I follow it.
And then I see
baby deer. Dead.
What beast did this?
ALISON: Robin?
ROBIN: What creature
ALISON: Robin?
-What demon
-ALISON: Robin! Robin.
It's a bit off topic.
But it just getting
to a good bit.
It's got nothing to do
with how I died.
-Er
-Oh, I remembers that!
Oh, yes!
Not you two as well.
ALISON: This is amazing.
MIKE: Okay, you're sure?
Is he definitely going tonight?
Well, I mean,
the event page says he is.
Grandma went to the shops
and bought an apple,
a packet
of Monster Crunch
-Munch.
-Munch.
a bottle of sherry,
Playboy magazine
and
An Enfield No. 2
standard-issue revolver.
Yes, that.
-You know he's a boxer now?
-Yeah, he got
Prison?
-a swing ball, and
-Big tank of a man.
Oh. A
Well, it's your go.
It can be anything.
-Come on, Fanny.
-a, a lace brassiere!
Ooh, saucy.
What are you worried
about anyway?
Alison dumped him
when she met me.
Oh. Did she?
It was ages ago, wasn't it?
So, he'd be over it by now,
wouldn't he?
Hmm, probably, yeah, yeah.
Mmm
Mary, you must remember
what happened.
Oh, yeah.
-I remembers it well.
MARY: The room was full
of dandies and wenches,
talking and all floating
about the place.
They had wine
coming out of their ears.
It happens all the time.
The people all laughed
and danced.
When Thomas came in,
Lady Isabelle did look at him.
Said I to Annie
Is he the man
of which she spoke?
Whoa, whoa, whoa.
Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait.
Annie? Who's Annie?
-Oh, did we never tell you?
Oh, yeah, yeah,
Annie ghosted here
for 100 year or more.
A true friend to me.
I see.
Till she got sucked off.
I'm sorry?
-Ah, like moved on?
-MARY: Oh, yeah.
There's many that's
been sucked off
-Moved on.
-I used to dream of the day
-that I would be sucked off.
-Moved on.
But I've long since
given up hope
-Moving on.
-Anyways
Annie and I did watch,
and Thomas said his poem
"Summer hath aroused
The twilights of lifes
"In the haze"
and the people
all turned to statues.
Honestly, I think
they died of boredoms.
Oh, come, now.
This is a nonsense!
I says it as I remembers
I sees it, mate.
-Kitty, you must have
been there, too.
HUMPHREY: And me!
-Good God, how long
have you been there?
Yeah, I remember it.
So many beautiful shoes.
Some heeled, some flat,
one pair of boots
with lovely buckles.
Wait, did you just see shoes?
Pretty much, yeah.
Hmm. Kitty, what did you see?
Oh, I don't know
if I should say.
Aren't you meant to be going out
with Michael this evening?
We've already
detained you long enough.
No, but I want to hear
what Kitty saw.
Mike, I'll be five minutes.
Take your time.
Great.
Perfect. Fantastic.
-Go on, Kitty.
-All right.
Well, to start with,
it was so exciting.
All sorts of interesting people
coming to the house,
food laid out on a table.
PAT: What kind of food?
No, come one, come all.
The more, the merrier.
We're only talking
We were supposed
to muster at 1800 hours
in the common room
for Julian's talk.
Postpone it.
You've literally got forever.
Carry on, Kitty.
-Where was I?
-PAT: You were talking
Now, was it like
a buffet sort of thing?
You know,
cheese and pineapple.
Pineapple?
Goodness, no.
They were wealthy,
KITTY: I remember
Thomas arriving,
so in love with Lady Isabelle.
MARY: Is he the man
of which she spoke?
Looks a silly arse.
I remember his poem.
"Welcome, Death!
"Oh, sweetest sleep"
I don't understand poetry
very well, but it must have
because people were giggling.
"And he always
"Her Roger!"
The man's a penis.
And I remember the argument
Thomas didn't like
something he heard.
What do you think
of this Shelley woman
Oh, she's unbearable,
ugly, and untalented.
Shelley?
No, that can't be right.
You've got that wrong.
That's what I heard
Mary Shelley, the writer.
THOMAS:
Unbearable, you say?
Untalented, you say?
Damn your eyes, I say!
Damn your head
shoulders, knees, and toes, sir.
And what concern
is it of yours?
I happen to love that woman
of whom you speak.
And I
Sorry, does anybody
have a glove?
Can I borrow your glove?
-No.
-Fine.
Imagine the glove.
I demand satisfaction.
-Very well.
-Really?
Yes.
God.
Good.
Good God.
KITTY: Lady Isabelle didn't see
what Thomas had done.
Why are they duelling?
Over Mary Shelley.
Apparently, the poet
is in love with her.
Seven, eight, nine, ten
Ah!
FANNY: Do you mind?
Kitty was telling the story.
You weren't even there.
Well, it's what
I would have done.
-Close-quarter battle
-
Excuse me,
but what shoes was he
I don't know
why that's relevant.
-All I wanted to do was
-
They're a low-model rifle.
-Alison
-I just want to hear what
-Alison
Yeah, hi. Hi, sorry.
I'm going to be down in,
-Just Shh!
-KITTY: You don't even know her!
Shh-shh-shh! Just
It looks like you've got
something to deal with here.
Maybe second thoughts
about the reunion?
That's cool.
We don't have to go.
-No problem.
-What?
-I can just go back to
-No, no.
We're still going to go.
I just need to finish
something real quick.
Yeah, it's just
that I actually
Just really quickly.
Everyone, just let Kitty finish.
Okay, they marched away
from each other.
I could hardly bear to watch.
Oh
Five, six
Nine, ten
Eleven, twelve
-Oh.
-Good God.
-Sorry.
FRANCIS: Cousin!
We didn't get to 20.
I am shot.
He cheated, the coward.
I know she doesn't love me,
but, please, fetch Isabelle,
that I might say goodbye to her.
Of course.
He waited
and waited
but she never came.
You okay?
Fine. Yeah,
just something in my eye.
So now you know.
I wanted you
to believe better of me,
but the truth is
I was a fool.
A fool who died alone
and unloved.
Hang on. Your cousin,
he wasn't wearing boots
with bronze buckles, was he?
We've finished now, Humphrey.
Yes. Why?
Well, who was he
writing letters to?
What?
Well, he wrote two letters.
On the stairs, where I was.
Why would he
Please fetch Isabelle,
that I might say goodbye.
Of course.
No.
Quite a place.
Imagine inheriting this.
My heart is aflutter, Cousin.
She is fine indeed.
Write her a note, then.
I will deliver it.
I will be your Cupid.
Thank you, Cousin.
ISABELLE: Please understand,
I do not love you.
Thomas Thorne.
"And held aloft by rosy buds"
But how could his feelings
have cooled so quickly?
You deserve better.
My cousin how can I say this?
Has many fancies.
A typical poet.
"Nectar sweet forbade"
THOMAS: Dear Mr Thorne,
I'm sorry,
but I do not love you.
I must know!
Let her tell me
to my face, please.
Have a care, Cousin.
I would not want you
further hurt in this.
Come to think of it,
it was Francis
who told me
about the officer.
Excuse me.
Say, what do you think of
this Shelley woman
Oh, she's unbearable,
ugly, and untalented.
He called Isabelle
unbearable and untalented.
Damn your eyes, I say!
Very well.
20 paces, Cousin.
20?
Eleven, twelve
We didn't get to 20.
ISABELLE: Thomas!
FRANCIS: Cousin!
I am shot.
He cheated, the coward.
Please fetch Isabelle,
that I might say goodbye.
Of course.
Mmm.
But he didn't fetch her.
ISABELLE:
He was taken too soon!
He is gone.
He is gone,
Oh, God, Thomas!
Oh, you poor thing.
What he has put you through,
it is not fair.
FRANCIS: Let me lend you
some comfort.
ISABELLE: Oh, you are kind.
Forgive me. I
I don't even know your name.
Button, Francis Button.
Button?
Yes. They got married.
It was their son
who returned here to live.
My George's grandfather.
This letter
is a lie.
I thought it was
not her usual hand.
-And her name is misspelled.
-I just thought
she'd written it in a hurry.
-Mmm.
-All those years
I thought I'd been spurned
when, really,
she did love me.
Does that make you
feel any better?
No, it's worse.
Mmm.
Wait, hold on.
Button? So
-That means we're related.
-Yes!
-Yeah.
-No.
I mean, very distantly related.
Our children would be fine.
We're probably all related,
if you go back far enough.
Yeah, you all come from me.
And my sister.
Hmm?
Heh-heh, joking!
CAPTAIN:
Right, that's quite enough
Shall we go and listen
to Julian's talk?
MARY: What be it about?
The art of spin
how the same fact
or story can be told
you know,
promote a particular bias.
Well, I think
we've covered that.
Well done, Humphrey.
Not just a pretty face.
-Well, I am.
-KITTY: Yes, I suppose you are.
Right, shall we hit the road?
I don't want to go.
-What?
-I don't want to go,
because Kevin, right,
you dumped him for me,
and I looked him up,
and he's a boxer.
He fights people.
And Obi says he's done time,
so if he's not over you,
I don't want to go because
He dumped me.
What?
He dumped me.
I told you that
I dumped him
because I thought it
made it sound better.
And I wanted to make you think
that I was choosing you.
-Which I Which I was.
-So
-No, I was choosing you.
-So I was a rebound?
No!
Well, kind of. At first.
Look, he's not going
to be angry at you,
because he dumped me.
And I'm glad he did.
Come on, then.
Let's go.
Also, I don't know what
you're worried about,
because you're
a black belt in taekwondo.
Yeah
I did say that.
Fie!