Gintama (2005) s01e14 Episode Script

Boys Have a Weird Ritual that Makes Them Think They Turn Into Men When They Touch Frogs! / You Only Gotta Wash Under Your Armpits - Just the Armpits

Okay, this week's Gin is in three parts like that popular nationally known anime.
[Today's episode is three parts like that popular nationally known anime.
.]
[Now enjoy the commercials our sponsors have prepared for you!.]
I think all of you already know this, but yesterday a ship belonging to the Harusame outer space pirates was sunk.
And-now listen up, you jackasses- that ship was apparently destroyed by just two samurai.
Surprised? Nobody's even listening! Toshi I think you already know, but yesterday a ship belonging to the Harusame outer space pirates was sunk.
And-act surprised when you hear this, guys- that ship was apparently destroyed by just two samurai.
What?! Really?! You guys are so phony.
Act more sincere or I'll Toshi, forget it.
Otherwise we'll never get finished.
We have reports that one of the two was Katsura of the Anti-Alien Rebel Faction.
He's about the only guy who could pull off a stunt like this.
The Harusame were smuggling large quantities of illegal drugs into Edo and selling them.
Even if you take the anti-Amanto out of the equation, I understand how they couldn't forgive the pirates.
But the real problem, starts here.
Rumor has it that a Shogunate officer was involved in the drug ring.
In return for his cooperation, he received a taste of the profits.
The authenticity of this information is uncertain, but the anti-Amanto ronin scattered throughout Edo have picked up on these rumors and are planning assassinations.
They are saying the scoundrels should be killed.
That's where we come in! ["Boys Have a Weird Ritual that Makes Them Think They Turn Into Men When They Touch a Frog".]
You bastard Even when you're asleep your face pisses me off.
Hey, wake up jerk! What kind of retard sleeps on guard duty?! Give me a break, Mom Today's Sunday.
Yer such a moron! Today is Tuesday! You nitwit What if the Anti-Alien Rebel Faction stormed this place while you were goofing off?! Stop treating your work with such contempt.
When did I ever treat work with contempt? I'm treating you with contempt, Hijikata! Fine! We'll fight right now-draw your sword! Why're you playing around on duty?! What do you think this is?! Some kind of school excursion?! Would you care to have pillow fight, little girls?! You're the loudest of them all! I'm nervous enough without all this racket! We're sorry.
Good grief, you filthy apes are totally incompetent.
What's with that guy? We're the ones putting our lives on the line to guard him! You were asleep.
He may be some big shot in the Shogunate official, but why do we have to protect that toad? Sogo, we're lucky the Shogunate picked us up.
We wouldn't be here if it weren't for the Shogunate.
It is a samurai's cherished ambition to repay a debt with loyalty! The swords of the Shinsengumi exist to protect the Shogunate! But they might be in cahoots with the pirates.
I just can't get enthusiastic about this job.
Don't you agree, Hijikata? I'm always enthusiastic.
Look at them.
They've all lost interest.
Check out Yamazaki - he's playing freakin' badminton! Yamazaki! What're you doing, you nimrod?! Sogo, stop thinking so much about it.
If the life of a guy in front of you is in danger, whether he's a good guy or not, you gotta give him a hand.
That's the way a man should live his life.
Just a minute! Please don't go out on your own! Wait! That guy's such a wimp, letting people walk all over him.
Wait, Kinya! It's too dangerous.
I'm telling you! Enough! I'm sick of living cooped up in here! Your life is in danger.
Do you understand? What's the difference when apes like you are guarding me! We may be apes but we're apes with the steely souls of Bushido! Don't underestimate us! What're you talking about? You're nothing but a country bumpkin samurai! Ribbit! Curse you, Daraku! This wouldn't have happened if he hadn't screwed up.
Huh? Rakuda? Look out! Chief! Yamazaki! On it! Kondo! Hang on! Hmph.
Even an ape is useful as a primate shield.
Don't do it.
Your pupils are dilated.
The sniper belonged to the Anti-Amanto ronin group known as the "Back to the Stars Faction.
" They're separate from Katsura's group, but they're no less radical.
Is that so? I'm responsible for what happens this time.
I handled everything foolishly from the chain of command to the positioning of my officers.
I'll have to start over again.
Vice-chief! He treated you like that, and you still want to protect him?! The bastard thinks humans are nothing but trash.
He doesn't even care about Kondo, who took the bullet for him.
Vice-chief, I know you didn't order it, but I took a look around the villa.
A mess of drugs turned up in the warehouse Without a doubt, he's guilty.
To be protecting a guy like that What on earth has the Shogunate come to? Hmph A bit late for that.
The Shogunate doesn't even serve humanity now.
We knew that a long time ago.
So why do you lend your sword? Is it to protect the Shogunate? Is it to protect the Shogun? Not me Do you remember how it used to be? Remember those days when we were like thugs.
Uneducated rogues who knew nothing but how to swing a sword? Who was it that welcomed us into a special dojo? Who was it that refused to forsake us even after the order to outlaw swords was issued? After we lost our dojo and were stripped of our swords? Who was it who gave us back our swords? It wasn't the Shogunate, and it wasn't the Shogun.
He's been our only boss since then.
The boss says to protect this frogthen that's all there is to it.
I'll protect him, no matter what he is.
If you don't like that, then go home.
I won't stop you.
What're you doing?! Hey! Don't worry.
He isn't dead.
I mean, we just have to protect him, right? This way, we'll smoke the enemy out into the openand then we'll wipe 'em out! I'm being proactive.
Rogues! Don't think you can get away with this! Hijikata, I feel the same way you do.
I'm here because I like Kondo.
But he's just too much of a nice guy.
He can see what's good in people but he doesn't try to see the bad.
With wicked thugs like you and me, Hijikata, the Shinsengumi has just the right balance.
Ahh, it's going to be cold tonight.
Throw another log on the fire, Sogo.
Yes, sir! Prepare for your reckoning! Scoundrel! We've come to slay you! Out of our way, Shogunate dogs! Do you think you samurai wannabes can defeat a true samurai?! See? My plan is flawless.
Lets kick the crap out of them! You guys are so quick to jump into a fight.
Don't let Toshi and Sogo have all the fun! Protect the stupid toad! Let's go! "The Shinsengumi showed their mettle by arresting anti-Amanto ronin en masse.
" "Shock at Shogunate VIP's collusion with crime syndicate" Gin Huh? What's "collision" mean? Hey, don't play dumb, perm boy! ["You Only Gotta Wash Under Your Armpits - Just the Armpits".]
You're an unfamiliar face.
Where're you from? This park belongs to Yo Emperor of Kabukicho! If you wanna play here, you had better cough up three Dokkiti-man chocolate stickers, girlie! What's that? "Dorky-man"? Is that what's popular outside the castle walls? Not "Dorky," "Dokkiri"! No, wait, maybe it's "Gessori" No, Yo, it's "Batsu and Terri".
No, you're mistaken.
You're thinking of "Gory-man.
" It bit me! YYou The swings around here belong to me, Kagura, Queen of Kabukicho.
If you want to ride them, it'll cost you a year's supply of pickled seaweed, okay? A year's supply? I don't even know how much you eat in one day! Damn you! We won't forget this! We won't forget this! Hmph.
Small fry.
You saved me, Queen of Kabukicho.
Thank you very much.
Don't mention it.
More importantly, you'd better not come around here anymore.
This is the most dangerous part of Edo.
Please wait.
What'sthat you're eating? What's is this?! It's so sour! Even more sour than my manny's underarms! You get hooked on the flavor.
You'll be addicted to your manny's underarms soon too! I will not! That's gross! So people beyond the castle walls eat this sort of thing.
This is all new to me.
You're not from around here, are you, miss? Gin and all the losers who live here reek of poverty, but you smell nice, miss.
You're correct.
I came from over there.
Oh, that's a huge mansion.
Gin told me once, that the most important samurai in the land used to live there.
But, after the Amanto came, it's become nothing more than window dressing.
Now it's just where the most pathetic samurai live.
Yes, that's right.
No one in this country honors that castle anymore.
It's an artificial castle that exists only for show.
A mirage.
I wish it would just collapse.
Then I would be free Miss, is something troubling you? I'll listen to your pathetic tales of woe.
Jack-of-all-trades Kagura-that's me! You have so many different names.
Hmmsomething that's troubling me Right.
Will you be my friend for one day today? Man, it's hot.
Why do our uniforms have to be so thick and heavy? Everyone's wearing lightweight clothes but us! And to boot, we have to go hunt someone down in this heat! Give me a freakin' break! If you're that hot, I'll make you a summer uniform, Hijikata That was close! Stop squirming, it's dangerous.
You're the one who's dangerous! What's the big idea?! What's with you? I was about to make your uniform sleeveless.
Don't give me that! You were trying to cut off my arms! Actually, I'm marketing the summer uniforms I proposed.
How 'bout it, Hijikata? You'll look like a rocker.
Only a moron would wear something like that! Hey, how's the search going? Finding underground terrorists is my specialty, but finding her is another story.
What was the princess thinking running away from home like that? Rich, fancy people have a different set of worries.
Though I can't imagine what troubles a princess might have.
Even so, she's still a young woman of a delicate age.
You know Maybe her pop's been giving her horny looks, or he had bad body odor.
It could be all sorts of things.
So it's all about her father, is it? It's impossible to cover every street in Edo using regular methods.
Why don't we just throw a party and invite the princess? Only you would fall for a trap that sounds straight out of a Japanese folktale! Chief! What is it, Yamazaki? We have a sighting! The princess was spotted heading toward Kabukicho.
Kabukicho? Of all the annoying places Okay, place your bets! Even or odd?! Odd! Odd for me, too! Even! Then, I'll take even.
Odd! Even! The bets are down! Snake-eyes.
Even! Lost again! This ain't good.
I can't go home now! You're awesome! You're younger than me, yet you know so much.
I suppose I do.
All that's left is to go have a drink and stay out till morning.
That's what the kids do.
Though, of course, everything I know, I heard from Gin.
Your Highness is so lucky.
You're so free.
I hardly ever left the castle, so I don't have friends and I don't know anything about the outside world.
All I can do is gaze out at the distant city and use my imagination, wishing I could skip along without a care in the world and go out, free to play.
Live freely.
Once I started thinking like that, before I knew it, I had to run away from the castle.
But from the very start, I decided that it would be for only one day.
If I were to vanish, it would cause grief for so many people.
You're exactly right.
So let's go back.
What are you doing?! Hey, wait! Get them! Out of our way! She leapt onto the roof carrying the princess! Who is she?! Isn't she that Hercules girl from the Odd Jobs place? Why's she with the princess? Beats me.
Hey! Sogo! What're you doing, taking out the heavy artillery?! I don't like taking roundabout methods.
Wait! What if you hit the princess?! I won't make that mistake.
It's always been my dream to one day be known as the "Sniper.
" Hey! You're saying you just aspire to be a good shot? A man can realize his strength better when he's chasing his dream than after he's caught it.
No! Hey! Come on out! I don't know how you became acquainted with Soyo, but she's very important to this country.
If you cause us any more trouble, I'll have to arrest you, too.
Are you listening to me?! Your Highness, you've done enough.
I'll go home.
Why? Don't you wanna be free? I'll free you.
I want to be free but I don't wish to cause Your Highness any more trouble.
You're no trouble.
We made a promise: to be friends all day today.
I don't need a reason to help a friend.
That's the spirit of Edo.
I've still for a lot of fun things to teach you! That's right, we're friends.
But, that's exactly why I don't want to cause you trouble.
Thank you ever so much for your kindness, Your Highness.
Although it was only for half a day, I felt as though I was just a regular girl.
It made me very happy.
Farewell.
Wait! That's not fair! You made a promise yourself, and now you're just going to break it?! I want to play with you some more! I wanna be friends with you, Soyo! This isn't fair! Yes, I am being unfair.
That's why I have one last unfair favor to ask.
I said "one day," but I want you to be my friend forever, okay? Why're you eating pickled seaweed? Huh? Because the princess was eating it and she said it tastes good! Princess Soyo, the Shogun's younger sister, is widely associated with the unprecedented pickled seaweed boom.
The princess was seen observed at a recent poetry gathering chewing on a stick of seaweed Wow.
A princess who likes pickled seaweed Silly! It's got to be a scam.
They just do that kind of thing to pretend to be like us common folk.
They probably feast on fois gras all day at the castle.
I bet they even put sushi on top of their sushi! Look, there's your real pickled seaweed girl.
See how her sleeping face just reeks of poverty.
Now that's the real thing.
[The Queen and Princess of Kabukicho.]
[Another Day of Cooking.]
Good afternoon, and welcome to "Another Day of Cooking.
" Today's menu is rice omelet.
It's a dish that excites kids both big and small, isn't that right, Sensei? Well, I hate kids, or should I say, why should I have to cook for someone else? Stop babbling needlessly and get started.
Okay, Sensei? Shinpachi, Kagura, let's put our spirits into this! Yeah! We'll begin by making chicken rice.
Sensei, what shall we do first? Kagura, dice the vegetables into small pieces.
Roger that! Hey! Why're you destroying the entire kitchen! One kitchen, finely diced.
Man, you're hopeless.
This is how you cut vegetables.
Watch.
Just like that.
Come on! You can't cut an onion with a wooden sword! It takes spirit.
Spirit! If you've got spirit you can julienne, shave fine sheets, or anything.
Excuse me, Sensei.
You've been tossing in the ingredients at random.
Could you at least tell us the amounts? Oh, it doesn't matter.
Don't worry about it.
Whatever you feel like.
But this is a cooking show, so you can't just say anything.
Ballpark amounts are the fundamentals of men's cooking.
If you just do what you feel like We have cold Chinese noodles with toppings.
When did you put in noodles?! The ingredients have been cooked until tender.
Isn't it about time for the rice? Hey! We haven't finished the dish yet! You're not supposed to eat that! Can I have seconds? We're ruined.
Hey, hey, what're we going to do? We don't have any extra rice at home.
I thought something like this might happen, so I prepared some rice omelet.
You don't think It better not be those poor, innocent, abused eggs.
It's art, after all.
Will we die if we don't eat it? Well, bon appétit.
[Preview.]
A "Weird Cosmic Pet Grand Prix.
" We have one at home, too! All right! We'll win the grand prize with Sadaharu! Zura! What're you doing here?! What's that thing?! It's gross! The next episode: "Pets Resemble Their Owners.
" [Here's a preview of the new ending!.]
There's a new ending after this.
[Katsura's pet "Elizabeth" takes on our Sadaharu.
.]
[Which one will win the battle between space creatures?!.]

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