Gintama (2005) s01e27 Episode Script

Some Things Can't Be Cut with a Sword

In the red corner! The housewife who junked her marriage and found her place on the battlefield.
The Demoness Haruna!! In the blue corner! This lady, a former popular singer-turned hitting star! The fighting princess of song! Dynamite Otsu! Just bring it from anywhere, jock itch! Jock itch! Otsu-chan, go for it! No, no.
She'd better stop She's going in the wrong direction.
Otsu-chan! Popular idol singer-turned fighter! When a person says something like that, it's a warning sign.
My favorite ramen shop said, "curry rice will be a new menu item.
" After that, the shop had to close.
What a bad example! That won't be the case for Otsu-chan.
She'll keep singing! I think there's a sign of misfortune on her face.
Too bad she's not more naïve or stupid.
Like you, Kagura.
What is a dream? So painful to wait forso terrible to be without and yet to battle your way toward it along that thorny road Take's a warrior's courage!! What the?! There's an intruder in the ring! Who is she? [This is a reference to famous Japanese professional wrestler Antonio Inoki.
.]
My name is Antonio Kagura! I'mumOtsu-chan's stand-in! Uh-huh! Come on! Oh, no! Whatever happens, it's not my fault.
Not mine, either.
You need to discipline her better! That's why she's like that.
What are you talking about? They say a kid's personality is set by the age of 3.
Haruna! Come on! You dumped your husband 'cause you wanted more excitement, right?! [An Odd Jobs member meets Okita at the "Amazons' Tournament.
".]
[Okita takes them to a fighting arena called "Rengokukan.
" What kind of event is held there?.]
["Some Things Can't Be Cut with a Sword".]
What a surprise.
I didn't know you guys liked watching fighting sports.
I especially like seeing women fight.
When they make those gnarly faces and grab each other, I just bust up! That's not fandom, that's sadism! You shouldn't laugh at someone who's trying hard! Someone like you, who interrupts a match shouldn't be allowed to watch fighting sports.
Stop saying that.
It's obvious that you're interrupting the match.
By the way, do you have time to go somewhere? I'll take you to a more entertaining show.
A more entertaining show? If you come with me, you'll see.
Hey, hey.
What kind of place is this? It's a meeting place for inhabitants of the underworld.
Ordinary people never get a chance to see this.
This is an underground fighting arena? This is the Rengokukan.
What you see before you is an honest-to-god Death Match! The winner isKidomaru! It's hard to believe How often do you get the chance to see a real fight? And when you add gambling to it-damn, that's entertainment! This is definitely a great show, huh?! If I can't sleep tonight you'll pay! Obviously, it's illegal.
Okita-san, aren't you a government official? That's why I can't do anything.
They're some shadowy, political figures behind it.
You mean government officials are involved? One wrong step and it's goodbye Shinsengumi.
Freelancers like you have it made.
Let me tell you something: I'm not going to work for you.
That's funny.
I thought you were a fellow human being.
I thought you hated this crap as much as I do.
Look over there.
Kidomaru is Rengokukan's strongest fighter.
Let's find out what's up with him.
Hey.
Don't worry.
This is my personal favor.
It has nothing to do with the Shinsengumi.
No one else knows about this place.
So, please don't tell Kondo-san and Hijikata-san.
Is he really here? Yes.
I saw him coming in.
I'm a bit surprised to learn that Okita-san is an earnest man.
He can't stand impropriety.
I hate that guy.
Despite his appearance, he's a direct subordinate, so we can expect a big reward from him.
It's not a money issue! Did you just hear someone scream? You guys stay here! Gin-san! What's going on? The thief! Sorry.
I'm sorry I did that.
It was such a suspicious looking ass, I Idiot.
How can buttocks look suspicious? Damn it! My ass is splitting in two.
Gin-san, calm down.
It was always like that.
Still, you shouldn't have been peeking into another person's house.
Sorry, but we were looking for someone.
Mr.
Priest, did you see a man with a scary demon mask walking around? Demon? It sounds strange.
Are you saying you're Momotaro, the demon slayer? I'm not interested in some petty demon.
My target is his boss.
Unless he has a lot of treasure, then that's a different story.
Treasure The only treasure this demon owns is those children over there.
Whoa! Y-Y-You! What the hell do you think you are doing?! What were you doing? I know you followed me from the fighting arena.
What? What? Really? Then you are?! I'm known as Doshin Kidomaru, a fighter in Rengokukan.
Are you sure? Giving us tea? We could be the peach boy, Momotaro, who got rid of the demon.
Are you sure? You're having tea with a bloody demon.
It's hard to believe that someone who takes care of so many children could be a demon.
Who are these children? They're all my children.
Oh, my! You must have been really wild when you were young.
No They were all abandoned children.
Orphans? Don't tell me you're doing that kind of thing to take care of them.
Do I look like a worthy human being? A saint covered in blood? So you Once, now and forever, I'm just a killer.
I've always been strongand everybody called me "Killer".
I was sent to jail and I waited for my head to roll.
But someone had their eye on me and paid to get me out.
You can probably guess the rest.
If you guys are trying to destroy the Rengokukan Take my advice.
Don't.
Are you suggesting we'll end up as meat for the demon? Well, it might be interesting.
A demon doesn't strike unless someone touches his treasure.
But he'll do anything to protect his children.
There's no way a demon would say something like that.
You look like a good father to me.
But I'm raising my children with dirty money And you have regrets about what you did.
I chose my first childbecause I just wanted to unburden myself It's not easy to raise children for that reason.
Right, you little brat? Sensei! Sensei! How do I look? Are you listening to me? Give those back, brat! Sensei? What's the matter, Sensei? Hey, you! What did you say to Sensei?! If you hurt his feelings, I'll kick your butt!! Sorry about that.
Give those back! [Odd Jobs - Gintoki Sakata.]
Here's my apology.
If you ever get in trouble, come see me.
I'll give you a great discount.
Hey, Kagura.
Let's go.
Yeah Bye! What strange people As far as I know, they were the first guests to our house, Sensei.
That's rightThey're our first and our last.
The big fishjust isn't sticking its nose out.
All I get are minnows.
Yet, maybe I went a little overboard? You worked hard on your day off.
I didn't know you were so dedicated [Battle Royal Host.]
Here, here.
Please help yourself and eat up.
What's this? Sorry, he found out everything.
No, I mean What's this? Do you have something against mayonnaise? It's the Katsudon Hijikata Special.
Nobody wants this kind of "special"! Hey, waitress! One chocolate sundae! Fine.
Eat your sugar until you die.
How is it, Sogo? Amazing? Hijikata-san is amazing.
He can turn Katsudon into dog food.
What's this? I wonder why I feel so defeated after buying your meals.
Oh, well.
Let's get to the main issue.
I heard that Sogo inspired you into doing something But forget about it all.
What? You sound like you know the whole story, don't you? Are you really a big official? Are you sure you're going to ignore a crime that's right under your nose? We'll eventually take care of it.
Hey, if put your booger in Hijikata's Special! Apologize, dammit! Listen, if someone gets unlucky, you're not the only one.
All of us will get in trouble.
Hijikata-san, I wonder if you've already found the information.
Do you know those guys called the Tendo sect? They turned the Shogun into a puppet and are remaking this country just the way they like it.
They hold the real power in this country.
That blood soaked arena is Tendo Sect's Playground.
Where's our star? Anybody seen Kidomaru? Well Lately, he keeps finding new excuses for not coming in.
It's time for him to retire.
That's all right.
We've got someone new already lined up.
Hi, Detective Pasta.
I bought the anpan for you.
Why did you call me "Pasta"? There's nothing like that related to me.
Your life is like pasta.
From now on, call me Yama-san.
Yama-san? My full name is Kagura Yamamoto.
Hey, you just can't dictate things on your own! Anyway, how's our targets, Pasta? Nothing's happening, KaguYama-san.
Gin-san said he'd do something within a couple of days.
Hey, where's Gin-san? Our boss was caught by those creeps and can't do anything.
It's up to us, Pasta.
I wonder if he's under interrogation.
Interrogation reminds me of Katsudon I'm getting sick of anpan.
I want to eat pasta Oh, my! That's why I'm detective Pasta.
You're growing up, Pasta.
Watch my back.
Yes, Yama-san! Excuse me.
But your backs are wide open.
Calm down, Pasta! Capture him! Get him! Anpan's stuck in my throat! Doshin-san, you I'm leaving Edo I don't know why you're watching me, but I'd like you to overlook this.
I know this is a lot to ask, but I don't want to kill anymore I don't know how many years it'll take, but I want to say with confidence that I'm their father.
Doshin-san Get out of here Fast! Our boss told us to watch out for you, but didn't give a reason I don't know what he's thinking.
So, we're doing whatever we like.
I don't know what's right and what's wrong, but I'm sure Gin-san would do the same thing.
Thank you! Kidomaru! Don't let him get away! Kill him! Let's go, Pastaaa! Yeah, Yama-san! Sensei! Why are we in such a hurry? Sensei! Sensei, why are you crying? I wish I could've met people like them earlier.
Don't kid yourself.
Did you really think you could run away from me? Is he finished? Even Kidomaru wasn't able to handle a real demon.
Now you're the new king of the Rengokukan.
Onijishi.
Hey, Sensei! Where are you going? We'll go anywhere with you.
WellI will go anywhere as long as I'm with you guys.
ButIt doesn't appear I can go any further.
Ah? What's the matter, Sensei? Are you crying again? Is it because you are so happy? You cry so easily! Right You're right I'm happyfor so much.
Man, I hate rain.
It's not a good day to hear a tearjerker story.
I'm sorry, but I figured you should know.
Sorry, Gin-chan.
If only we'd stuck with him all the way It's not your fault.
He was a killer.
I'm sure he was prepared to die that way.
Sorry, I got you mixed up in this crap.
Let's leave things where they are.
Nothing good will come of getting deeper.
You guys! Didn't I tell you not to come here? Brother If we ask you, you'll do anything, right? You're Odd Jobs, and will do anything we ask, right? Please, avenge Sensei! This is my treasure.
We don't have any money, but we'll give you our treasure.
So, please! Brother! That's enough.
Time to go home.
I already know Sensei did something bad somewhere.
Is that why they killed him? But he was our beloved father A great father, you know! Hey, kid Is this one of those Dokkiri-man stickers? That's right.
How did you know? Why? I'll tell you why? Because I'm a huge Dokkiri-man collector.
I'll do anything for this one.
It'll be too late if you tell me you want it back later.
Brother! Wow! Hey, wait! Gin-chan, are you serious? I knew you were a whimsical guy, but you're crazy if you do something like that.
They're really tough people to go up againstespecially for a punk like you.
You're already dead.
I won't cause you any trouble.
Get out of my way.
I don't care if you die.
But you're not even trying to save yourself? Even if I don't go, I'll die anyway.
I have an organ that's bigger than my heart.
It's invisible, but it's all that holds me up.
Because of it, I can stand up straight.
I can walk straight, even when I'm bleeding and dizzy.
If I run now, it'll tear in half.
My soulwill tear in half.
I'd rather my heart stopped than lost what's most important to me.
Even when I'm old and my spine is bentmy soul's got to be straight.
You're saying that you're going to die for your own aesthetic theory? That's romanticism.
What are you saying? I think all men are romantics.
So are women.
But is it too unbalanced? What will happen if all men and all women become stupid? Let's go find out.
H-Hey, you guys! What's the matter with all these people? Really They're all crazy Are they risking their lives for something like this? That's stupid.
So true.
Hey, what are you doing? I'm sorry, Hijikata-san.
I guess I'm just another idiot.
What incredible power! He's Onijishi from the Dakini clan! No wonder he killed the strong Kidomaru so easily.
Even samurai are like babies against him.
But I think Kidomaru was pathetic.
He should've heeled and let us keep him as a pet.
Is that Kidomaru?! No way! He was?! This is interesting Kidomaru He's rising from hell to get revenge.
Bastard How did you get here? I could've sworn I killed youthe other day You're the one who killed me, huh? I've been so pissed off that my soul can't find any rest! What are you going to do about it? This place is no longer your place.
This is my stage.
Begone! No, I will not.
The soul of a straight and true guy won't disappear, even if his body dies! Hmmall right then, as for your soul I'll destroy it! It's over.
He did pretty well for a human.
Hey, big fella.
It'll take more than a blow like thatto break my soul! Those eyes are the real Those are the eyes of a true samurai! Hey, you! How could you?! You completely blew up our show! Do you know what kind of place this is? Who are you, anyway? What?! First! Filthy blood suckers of humanity!! Second!! Soulless acts of evil! Third Thirdthrobbing hot housewives! No! Gin-chan! Third is "Thirsting after Papa's milk," uh-huh.
No, no! Third, thieving demons of hell [Odd Jobs Gin-chan.]
You are about to die! Odd Jobs Gin-chan is here!! I've heard enough! Finish them off! Don't blame me if you guys get killed.
You shouldn't have followed me here! I can't die until I get my paycheck for this month! Not only for this month, but also for last month! We didn't have any clients last month! Then we'll get some this time! Wh Who are these guys? Don't you understand? This is what you call a battle of vengeance.
Avenging a killer? There's nothing to gain.
I know that.
But if I don't do anything now, I won't be able to live with myself.
Y-You guys! You won't get away with this! Do you know who is behind us? Well, I have an idea.
What This is The people behind you are us, the Shinsengumi! Wow, there are some really scary people behind you, all right.
Damn! It's the Bakufu's dogs! Let's get out of here! Tsk.
Those monkeys were just fuel in the fire.
That's all right.
At least it was entertaining.
So the biggest fish got away as usual.
Bad guys always sleep well.
For that matter, why don't you sleep forever? You played us like cards.
That's why I came to help you out.
Right, Hijikata-san? I don't remember coming to help any of these bastards.
But if the Shinsengumi gets burned because of this, it'll be all your fault.
You all have to commit seppuku.
What?! No way! It's impossible to do that unless we're under extremely high tension! Don't worry.
I'll be your second-and behead you if you don't have the nerve.
I sure hope my sword doesn't slip Eww, I think he likes me.
How annoying! I'm also telling you, Sogo.
Really?! Well, it's time for us to go home.
What are you doing? Oh? Well I guess I won't be needing this anymore.
And you don't need it either.
Laugh and let your face show-in heaven.
[Preview.]
Hey, Gorilla! Why did you get involved in Rengokukan? Because of you guys, my head will roll! The next episode: "Good Things Never Come in Twos (but Bad Things Do).
" [Katakuriko Matsudaira, Chief of National Police.
He strikes fear in the hearts of the people and executives of the Shinsengumi.
.]
[Isao Kondo, Born on September 4th.
Virgo.
Today, his lucky color is red and his fortune is.]
Virgos, you'll die today.

Previous EpisodeNext Episode