Gintama (2005) s02e42 Episode Script

If You Want To Lose Weight, Then Stop Eating and Start Moving

When watching TV, make sure the room is brightly lit and don't sit too close.
[Kagura hasn't been feeling well lately.
Her body feels heavy.
She's sluggish and is having a hard time moving.
.]
[What's happening to her? And is there a way out of it?.]
[Odd Jobs Gin.]
Gin-chan, where's my Health Insurance Card? Huh? Your Health Insurance Card? Why? You need to go to the hospital? I haven't been feeling well lately.
My body feels heavy and sluggish.
I don't even want to move.
Do you have a cold? You fall asleep under the kotatsu, sleep with your stomach exposed and live like a slob.
[Note: A kotatsu is a low, wooden table covered by a heavy blanket with a built-in heater.
Used mostly in Japan.
.]
That's why you get sick.
You're one to talk, Gin-san.
Oh? But she doesn't have a fever.
I don't think it's a cold.
I wonder what it is.
She's not coughing either.
It doesn't look like anything's wrong with her.
I don't know, but something doesn't seem quite right.
Maybe it's the start of a cold.
Do your joints hurt or anything? Yeah.
It hurts right around the elastic area of my pants.
Like it's really tight.
That's scary.
I think you should go to the hospital after all.
Well, the only saving grace is that you still have an appetite.
I-It's even hard to stand up.
Hey, you okay? You seem unsteady.
Hey, put down the rice ball.
Don't force yourself to eat it.
No! I feel incomplete without this rice ball.
Man, this is worse than I thought Shinpachi, go ahead and meet with our client today.
I'll join you after I take Kagura to the hospital.
Okay.
I'm in pain Hang in there.
What is it? Something doesn't seem right Isn't she kinda big? Isn't it kinda late for that? ["If You Want To Lose Weight, Then Stop Eating and Start Moving".]
Really frightening changes don't suddenly happen.
They gnaw at you slowly but steadily every single day.
The changes are so minute that you and those around you don't notice it right away.
And by the time you notice it It's already too late.
The situation has gotten to a point of no return.
I wish I could jump around with everyone.
I wish I could work up a good sweat with everyone again.
That's right, what I should be shedding is sweat.
But with this body, I can't even do that.
The only thing I'm shedding is tears.
The tears kept flowing as I looked back on my younger days when I ate and drank in excess.
From ancient times, girls have been caught between food and beauty, in a battle fought in Purgatory.
Being a woman means you cannot avoid this battle.
[Kodokan Dojo.]
I want to lose weighteasily Leave it up to me.
I recommend this diet.
[Note: Otae is imitating the mouth and pronunciation of Doraemon.
.]
The Baagen-Dash Diet.
Regular diets are hard because you have to watch what you eat and exercise, right? But with this, you can lose weight easily while still eating.
All you do is eat ice cream before every meal.
Doing so, develops a membrane over your stomach and inhibit the absorption of the food that follows.
Isn't it amazing? That is amazing.
Isn't it? That's when I learned there is no easy way to lose weight.
And people who come up with lazy ideas like that actually end up gaining weight.
Looks like it's all over for you guys.
Huh? With a body like that, your lover won't be able to carry you like a princess.
I'm sure even Gin-san's arm would fall off.
But don't worry I'll be the one to make Gin-san happy Hey, don't break my house now.
At that point, we all realized That what we should be fighting is ourselves.
[Fasting Dojo.]
I heard you can lose a ton of weight.
Did you lose weight? Five grams.
Okay then Let's work hard.
Wow, there sure are a lot of people.
I hear it's a famous fasting training facility.
It's so strict a lot of people quit.
I wonder how many of these people will survive? Who knows? If they're not serious about it, they should leave.
I totally agree.
Please go home now, Sarutobi-san.
Just to let you know, I'm not here to lose weight.
I just came to laugh at you people.
My stomach isn't like this because I gained weight Shall I tell you why? In this stomach is Gin-san's child-- Well, looks like you gave birth to a slimy little baby.
Congratulations.
Huh? Well, look here.
You guys are here too? Granny, Catherine, what are you doing here? That stomach Are you constipated? Obviously not! We've been drinking so much with our customers at the End of the Year and New Year's parties that before we knew it, this happened.
Fasting at your age will put stress on your body.
Reconstructive surgery is probably a lot easier, isn't it? Reconstructive surgery puts a lot more stress on the body! And what exactly do you mean by that? I just want you to know that even if you lose weight, your face isn't going to change.
Ugly people are still ugly even if they lose weight.
Like I need to hear that from you.
She really was constipated! Oh crap! Oh crap! Kyu-chan.
Tae-chan What's wrong with your stomach? Are you constipated too? No, I go regularly every morning.
You don't have to answer her so seriously, Kyu-chan.
Actually, I wanted to build more muscle so I tried to reconstruct my body by putting on more weight, but I failed.
Young Master! You don't have to lie, Young Master.
It wasn't muscle you wanted, you wanted bigger boobs and you failed-- It's broken.
It's broken, Young Master!! Quiet! Be quiet! Listen up! Before we start fasting, there's something I want to tell you.
I hate people like you.
Indulging in your desires as you gorge on food.
Indulging in your desires as you live a lazy lifestyle.
Just look at that revolting body of yours.
That ugly overweight body is a reflection of your ugly soul! Listen up! Your problem isn't your weight.
It's your lack of will power! That nun looks like she has the least will power of all.
Your weak mind that can't even control your body or your lifestyle is the problem.
Why is the head of the fasting dojo the fattest of us all? If you're serious about changing then you must start by hating the person you are right now.
Only by rejecting and discarding who you are now, will you be able to find a new you.
Listen, I'm going to show you a mirror.
Spit on your reflection in this mirror and shout "beep.
" Say goodbye to the ugly you.
You start.
Okay.
You "beep.
" Louder.
You "beep"! Good.
You're next.
Okay.
Use more spit.
Okay! You "beep"! All right, that's the way! Okay, next! Okay Why are you hesitating? If you don't have the courage to break away from yourself, then you'll never be able to change You "beep.
" Die You said that to me, didn't you? No, I didn't.
Like hell you didn't.
Then why do I have spit dripping down my face? I missed.
I'm sorry.
Hey, listen up! I'm gonna try this one more time.
Look into this mirror and shout "beep" You lewd "beep"! Where? Where do you want me to hurt you? Come on, say it! You ugly "beep"! Hey, what the hell are you doing? You've gone too far! Is this some kind of S&M play? I'm sorry.
When I saw the ugly reflection of myself in that mirror, I got excited What the hell are you here for anyway? Here! Just spit here! I just said to shout "beep" really loud, that's all! Aim right here.
Okay? Can you do that? Yes, I can.
Good.
Then do it! You "beep"!! You went too far.
We will now start the actual fasting training.
You may have gained weight by eating, but that doesn't mean you'll lose weight if you stop eating.
It's not as simple as that.
You have to burn fat to lose it.
In other words, you must do what you people despise the most-exercise.
Starting today for one week, you will do all the chores in this temple such as cleaning and laundry.
And because this is a fasting dojo, no meals will be served.
But in exchange, we will give you something that you people love [Potato Chips Consommé flavor.]
We'll give each of you one potato chip.
One potato chip? That's ridiculous! She wants us to survive on one potato chip for seven days? Are you kidding me? Yeah! Can you make mine lightly salted? You're missing the point.
Fine.
You can have whatever flavor you want.
But you are not allowed to eat it.
Whoever eats their potato chip during the week will be immediately expelled.
W-Wait just a minute.
Can you make mine soy sauce butter flavor? Never mind that right now! You mean to tell me we'll have a sour cream and onion potato chip in front of our faces, yet we're not allowed to eat it? I see you've casually put in your flavor request.
Then why are you giving it to us? And how can we survive a week without food? I said you can't eat your own potato chip.
Could it bethis is a survival game? By eating other people's chips and kicking them out of the game That's how we're supposed to survive for a week? Fighting your friends over a chip And killing each other That's That's unheard of Think of the chip as your life.
I suggest you treasure it.
Wait.
I I want mine to be Italian basil flavor! I see you're a bit of a maniac.
Today is the fifth day at the fasting dojo.
Before the program even started, half the participants left.
They lost their fighting spirit in the face of such harsh training.
And in five days, half of the remaining participants left, too.
They gave in to hunger and reached for their potato chip.
There were only six participants left.
Both your spirit and your stomach are sagging! Stay focused! In the last five days, nothing had passed through our lips.
The six of us have fought the temptation of the potato chip and battled with hunger.
We may have an enormous amount of willpower, but even for us, we were approaching our limit.
I said you can't eat your own potato chip.
That's what the nun said.
In other words, in order to survive this test, we must take someone's potato chip and eat it.
Unfortunately, after going through five days of hell together, a strange sort of bond, almost like a friendship had developed between us.
Apparently a strong bond is formed when people go through difficult times together.
What kind of music do you listen to? Enka.
[Note: Enka is traditional Japanese music.
.]
This was especially true for those who didn't get along before.
You look kinda cute today.
Oh come on, you're the one that's cute, Otae-san.
It was the same principle as "Jaian" in the movies.
[Note: Refers to "The Truth behind Jaian looking like a nice guy in the movie version" back in Ep.
63.
.]
I needed a legitimate reason to break through this friendly atmosphere.
A legitimate reason to take the potato chip.
Self defense.
This is my plan.
Leave a potato chip in front of these starved guys.
When they pounce on it, That's mine! That's when I defeat them! And I'll eat their potato chip.
Someone tried to steal my potato chip so I attacked them.
No one can fault me for that.
However, this plan is very risky.
One wrong move and my potato chip could be eaten by another person.
I cannot allow my eyes to leave the potato chip for even a second.
I cannot even blink! Ca-Catherine.
No way! What's going on? Catherine Catherine has already become a victim of the potato chip hunters.
Who did this? From the look of things, there's no doubt that she met a potato chip hunter.
But, wait.
Who on earth would do such a thing when our bond was getting so strong? I've made a huge mistake.
My plan was based on the fact that the six of us had formed a bond and therefore could not take action against each other.
But what if it was their choice not to take action rather than being unable to take action? What if being friends was all an act and there really was no bond? What if it was all just a strategic move to get people to let their guard down so their potato chip could be stolen? Good job, Catherine!! Hah! Dammit! Even the injury was an act! They were working together so that while one was distracting me, the other was aiming to take my potato chip.
You immature greenhorn! You're a hundred years too early to try and trick us! We haven't aged for nothing.
Sorry, but we're gonna take your potato chip.
What?! These guyswith their controlled and calculated movements Don't tell me It was a double trap from the start? The bait was Kagura, not the potato chip.
She made us believe we won and let us take the potato chip so we would let our guard down, and pretended to be shaken up by the whole thing? The most dangerous moment in hunting is the moment you've captured your prey.
The bigger the prey, the more you let your guard down.
Go read HUNTER x HUNTER, volume 3, before you try and take us on, old hags.
Kagura-chan! Take the potato chip to a safe place while we hold them down.
We'll meet at the place we discussed earlier.
We're counting on you! Leave it to- This is! Natto? From the look of things, we expected the three of you to team up.
You didn't think that we wouldn't try to get a third person to join us too? Dammit.
You're slow! Kyubei Yagyu.
I hear you are a master swordsman with lightning fast skills, but with that heavy body of yours, there is no way you can win against a ninja like me! Sorry.
In order to train my legs, I always wear heavy weights on my body.
Because of that I didn't grow tall but Sh-She's skinny!! So all along, her body was just padded with weights for training? Then why on earth did she come to this fasting dojo? To stay with Tae-chan You've all been completely fooled.
It was all a disguise to deceive you.
Training your body at all times.
Not only that, disguising yourself to deceive the enemy I expect no less from a Yagyu But If it's body training Then I'm not about to lose to you.
Her glasses Don't tell me those were weights too? Th-That's ridiculous.
It sounds like something straight out of Dragon Ball.
I've never seen this before.
As a ninja, if we lose to others in agility then it's all over for us.
It's over! Where did you pick up garbage like that? Hey, that's my banana.
Give it back to me.
It's yours? Why do you have a half-peeled banana on you? Were you secretly eating it? From a Freudian perspective, a banana represents the male organ.
Most likely, Kyu-chan yearns to be a man and so unconsciously has taken the banana and Spare us the psychoanalysis.
In any case, I cannot afford to lose.
I'll stop the enemy's movements.
And while I do that You get the potato chips back.
Who the hell do you think you're talking to? Put on your glasses! Please! Aim at the enemy! It's so stickyso sticky Damnyou The potato chip! Hand over the potato chip.
You're not gonna make anyone happy by losing weight.
Yeah, you're one to talk! You "beep"! This is the worst! All the potato chips are here! They're so close, yet so far! Damn it! I'm not gonna lose! The potato chips are mine! I'm gonna be slimhave a beautiful body! I'll show you a woman's pride! Even I could see how bad my acting was.
That's right, this is a trap.
My lethal weapon of only pretending to want the potato chip so I could draw the others to my chip.
My lightly salted potato chip isn't just any old lightly salted chip.
Even I was impressed with my acting skills.
My sour cream and onion isn't just any old sour cream and onion.
I was really nervous people could see right through me.
My Italian basil isn't just any old Italian basil.
I have a hell of a lot more experience than these young gals.
My spicy hot chip isn't just any old spicy hot chip.
I wanted Gin-san to give me a good spanking.
My soy sauce butter chip wasn't just any old soy sauce butter chip.
seaweed saltseaweed salt.
Eat it if you want.
In my lightly salted In my sour cream and onion In my Italian basil In my spicy hot In my soy sauce butter In my seaweed salt is a powerful laxative!! Eat it and you'll be shot up to the heavens! The fashionable Italian basil for me.
Spicy hot for me.
Soy sauce butter for me.
Seaweed salt for me.
Lightly salted for me.
I'll try the sour cream and onion one.
The long awaited taste of potato chips Chew it well Go to hell! I tell you.
This is the easiest business ever.
This fasting training camp or whatever you want to call it.
We collect the participation fee and our only expense is five or six bags of potato chips.
The money keeps rolling in.
And to top it off, they even take care of the chores around the temple.
So how did it go this time? How many people survived after how many days? Well, that's the thing Amazingly, we had people who completed the training for the first time.
Huh? You serious? And not only that, there were six of them.
Really? I guess where there's a will there's a way.
The next episode "Be a Person Who Can See People's Strong Points and Not Their Weak Points.
" [The man called "Turtle" has a well thought out plan and an invisible cloak.
.]
[He feeds only when his prey appears.
His profession is a sniper who can kill with a single shot.
.]

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