Gintama (2005) s03e20 Episode Script

Within Each Box of Cigarettes, Are One or Two Cigarettes That Smell Like Horse Dung

Smoking increases a person's risk of developing pulmonary emphysema.
In addition, smoking by minors is forbidden because it leads to severe health issues and nicotine addiction.
Never smoke, even if asked to by others.
Do you understand? [Inhale, puff puff Inhale, puff puff.]
[Hijikata-san, too much smoking is bad for your health.
.]
Everyone except Hijikata-san voted in favor, so this bill is approved.
The Shinsengumi headquarters will no longer allow smoking in all areas starting today.
H-Hey, the whole headquarters is going too far.
It's like you're purposely keeping smokers out of here.
At least make arrangements for a designated smoking area.
What are you saying, Hijikata-san? Smoking is worse than athlete's foot.
Even though it's not prohibited by law, nicotine is actually a drug.
A drug! Everyday, you inhale and exhale, inhale and exhale, you become addicted.
So, what's wrong with that? Even if this is a personal matter for you, you can't run with this line of argument.
Anyone near a smoker is forced to become second-hand smokers.
But But You're Vice-Chief of the Shinsengumi.
Please think about the other people around you.
If a Vice-Chief can't even quit smoking or halt a nicotine addition, it sets a bad example for everyone else.
H-Hey, Harada.
You sometimes smoke, don't you? Are you all right with this smoking ban? YeahI completely quit smoking, so it doesn't matter to me.
It's already been decided.
Man, even with Okita-san's proposal, that was a productive meeting.
Yeah.
Speaking of smokers, Vice-Chief was the only one.
It was so smoky and awful in there.
My clothes are covered in that stinky smoke odor.
Any person who practices a martial art knows smoking is unhealthy.
["Within Each Box of Cigarettes, Are One or Two Cigarettes That Smell Like Horse Dung".]
gimme a break.
Is he seriously intending to keep me out of the Shinsengumi? Damn it.
I might as well inhale as much nicotine as possible while I'm outside.
[Smoking on the street is prohibited.
.]
[BATTLE ROYAL HOST.]
Ah, excuse me.
Do you have an ashtray? I'm sorry.
This restaurant prohibits smoking in the whole facility.
What's with this city? Signs everywhere say "No Smoking," "No Smoking.
" I'm sorry, but smoking isn't allowed in here.
Hey! Your cigarette! Cigarettes are Oh, no! What's he doing?! Don't stare.
Let me smoke! Damn it.
I didn't even notice but now I can see there's no places for us smokers to go anymore.
I want to smoke even more when I'm told not to.
It's hopeless.
I can't stand it anymore.
In this situation I I [SMOKING AREA.]
That's it! I found it! I finally found an oasis! Here's our next story.
The universal environment conservation meeting will be held one week from today.
It'll talk about environment-related issues in the whole universe.
And the Bakufu is taking this opportunity to ask the nation to start thinking about the environment as it launches the micro-environmental protection campaign for one week from today.
Let's put aside the big problems of ozone depletion and global warming.
It's important for each person to do their own part, no matter how small, to help the environment.
All your small efforts will start to pile up into one big push to save the earth.
Yeah, right What this old man is trying to say is, before you go saving the huge Earth you should first save yourself.
Someone who can't even save himself won't be able to save the earth.
Someone who can't even save himself and is disliked by his daughter won't be able to save the earth.
Well, we'll explore all of that a week from today.
All of Edo will assist in helping implement the smoking ban.
We repeat.
Currently, an emergency smoking ban is in effect throughout all of Edo.
Smokers are asked to please throw away all cigarettes immediately.
CiCigarette Also, please never approach cigarette vending machines or smoking areas.
It'll lead to sever punishment.
We repeat Are you taking a trip through the universe, too? Man, times are sure changing.
I never thought we'd see the day when we could travel between planets.
So, which planet are you going to? [Note: Parody of Planet Namek from Dragon Ball.
.]
Planet Hamek.
Planet Hamek? There's nothing to see in that countryside.
It's nothing but tobacco fields.
Why are you going there? Naturally to smoke some cigarettes! Don't underestimate a smoker.
They claimed the cigarette was edited out of the manga cover because [Note: Cigarette images were removed from GinTama manga vol.
8 and vol.
16 covers.
.]
I looked like a high school student smoking.
They also said it was never a good idea to show smokers on the cover.
And they ended up not using someone smoking.
And we deceptively said it was a pocky chocolate snack when it was really a cigarette, or else we'd be forced to give up airing the show in prime time in North America, or be stuck with an R rating.
And yet I still haven't given up smoking! Once the smoking ban starts, I'll smoke outside Earth! If cigarettes run out, I'll even travel to their place of origin! Don't underestimate a smoker! I see, I see.
I'm so glad to hear that you came all the way to Planet Hamek to smoke our cigarettes.
Unfortunately, this planet has been turned into a scorched field by the evil emperor, Breeza.
[Note: Parody of Frieza from Dragon Ball.
.]
So cigarettes are no longer This is the last one.
Is that all right? Just one? Stop it, Grandpa! Hey, Delde! Take your hands off me! [Note: Parody of Dende from Dragon Ball.
.]
That's! That's the last cigarette my dad made! It's a memento of my dad, who was killed by Breeza.
Dad! Dad! Dad! Delde! DaDad Da! Dad! Dad! Dad Da Dad's Shut up, Delde! Cigarettes exist to be smoked.
Cigarettes that you can't smoke shouldn't even be called cigarettes at all! What do you think would please your father the most? To let the cigarette get moist in a drawer or let someone smoke it? DaDad's cigarette please enjoy smoking it Oh! What a coincidence! Well, were you able to smoke? Are you on your way home? No.
What? Where are you going then? I'm going to defeat Breeza! Huh? Breeza? What? Aren't you going there to smoke? There's no way I can smoke something like that! What?! I'll kill Breeza and smoke afterwards! He definitely has cigarettes.
Next time, I'll definitely smoke cigarettes, damn it! I never suspected that you were against me.
But I admire your rashness.
Hijikata's quest to smoke a single cigarette started [Note: A parody of Master Roshi's narrations from Dragon Ball.
.]
because of the Shinsengumi's smoking ban.
The trip has been full of hardships.
Well, we'll explore all of that a week from today.
All of Edo will assist in helping implement the smoking ban.
But finally he heads off into the universe.
To smoke some cigarettes! However, when he arrives on Planet Hamek, he finds it was turned into a scorched field by Breeza.
DaDad! Dad! The young boy Delde's tears Hijikata channels his anger into power and he heads toward the final battle.
Hey! Why am I suddenly having flashbacks of the previous episode? This isn't Dragon BLEEP! It's taking too long! I'm in a hurry! Let's get to the main episode now! I never suspected that you were against me.
But I admire your rashness.
But when you see my power, I wonder if you'll still have the same attitude.
Well, I'll show you.
My full power! How about that? You look like you're scared speechless.
Get ready for it.
Here I come.
Hey, give me a cigarette.
I know you have some.
You destroyed Planet Hamek, didn't you? Where are they? I, Breeza-sama, was knocked down by a monkey like you.
[Note: Parody of Super Saiyan from Dragon Ball.
.]
It can't beyou're a legendary Super Earthling.
Shut up, already.
Just give me a cigarette.
I'm grumpy now thanks to nicotine withdraw.
You're the Super Earthling who woke up irritated.
Don't tell me you're the son of that Earthling who was the only one to challenge me back then? Huh, who's this? I don't look nothing like him.
You're totally wrong.
Can it be that you're searching for the same thing I was? Huh? Whatever.
I praise you for defeating me, the emperor of the universe, so I will give you this.
Here, take it.
That's not what I asked for! I said, give me some cigarettes! What's this ball? It's so disgusting! It's an Ooey-gooey ball.
[Note: Parody of Dragon Ball from Dragon Ball.
.]
When you collect all seven of those balls, the Ooey-gooey dragon will appear and make everything you want turn Ooey-gooey.
It's a really mysterious ball.
Why Ooey-gooey? I think you're lying to me! If there's anything you want but can't find, you should collect six more balls and have your wishes granted.
Hey! Why are you making that kind of face made by the super villain right before he dies in the big scene at the end of the episode? Anyway, why do I have to do all of this just to get a cigarette?! Give me a break.
It'll be a lot faster if I just go to another planet and buy a pack of cigarettes at a vending machine.
That's right.
I should've done that earlier.
I'll go do that.
Grillin! Open your eyes, Grillin! [Note: Parody of Krillin & Goku from Dragon Ball.
.]
Damn it! If only I had all the Ooey-gooey balls! Grillin! Hey, what are you doing? I'm trying to revive Grillin.
Who the heck is Grillin?! You came to smoke some cigarettes, right? And who's that sitting right next to you?! Yo! I'm Kobayashi! I'm so excited! [Note: Parody of Goku and Yamcha from Dragon Ball.
.]
Kobayashi?! I'm not excited about that name at all! [Note: Refers to Bulma from Dragon Ball.
She dated Yamcha in the series.
.]
You're Bulma's ex-boyfriend, aren't you? Shut up! You know, Grillin might have some cigarettes! I'll definitely smoke next time, damn it! I'm Celo! [Note: Parody of Cell from Dragon Ball.
.]
That's enough! You're so persistent.
I know it's going to take a long time.
I get bored easy.
Hey, just give me some balls.
You have some, right? Why? Why does he have so much power? Shut up! Hurry up and give me some balls so I can revive Grillin and smoke a cigarette.
I can't believe I lost after taking cells from the Super Earthling Who is this guy? What's with the scouter rip-off? It pisses me off! [Note: Parody of the scouter device from Dragon Ball.
.]
You defeated me, the perfect form, after I took in every cell and powered up.
Your attack deserves to be rewarded.
As you wish, I'll give you my balls.
Take these.
You hid these in there?! They're disgusting and dirty! Use these balls to summon the dragon and make a wish for me.
My wish is "To graduate from being a virgin" Why are you making it sound like I'm helping you grant your wish?! And why did you make such a useless wish?! Anyway, now that I've collected all seven balls.
Hurry up and revive Grillin so I can smoke a cigarette! What's this? Can I eat this? There's no way you can eat that disgusting thing! What about Grillin? Oh, that's right! Hurry up and summon the dragon so it can revive Grillin! Come out Ooey-gooey Dragon! Please make my wish come true! Huh? Nothing happened.
There're seven balls all together.
What's going on? Oh? Taking a closer look, this one isn't an Ooey-gooey ball at all! What? The other six balls are real Ooey-gooey balls.
But this one is a Sticky-icky ball! It's pretty much the same! What's the difference between that and an Ooey-gooey ball?! Yo.
It's a Sticky-icky ball! That's just a technicality! See?! Something is coming out! They're all Ooey-gooey balls, after all.
Great job in collecting all the Slimy-grimy balls.
It's not Ooey-gooey, nor Sticky-icky! That's the least of our problems.
Hey, hurry up and save Grillin.
I see.
It's not Ooey-gooey.
Then I don't care.
Why?! How much loyalty do you have for Ooey-gooey?! How badly do you want to make Grillin Ooey-gooey?! Just ask him! It doesn't matter if he's Slimy-grimy! He's your friend, right? If it's Slimy-grimy, I prefer something else.
What do you mean, something else? Give me some gal's panties! [Note: A famous line from Dragon Ball when they first met Shen Long, the dragon.
.]
Hey! A gal's Slimy-grimy panties?! That's such a gross wish! Don't request a pair of dirty panties and give up your friend! Never mind! Forget it! Hurry up.
Or the Slimy-grimy will dry up.
Wait! Hold on a second! If I have a Slimy-grimy cigarette, I can't smoke it.
What should I wish for? I'm about to dry up! I know! I'll get the last one.
You're Why are you here again? I've changed my mind I want the last cigarette.
I know that's an important memento from your dad.
But you don't need a memento anymore if you have your dad back.
Don't tell me Da Yeah.
It's your dad.
Whose dad is he?! What's with this Ooey-gooey?! No, it's not Ooey-gooey, it's Slimy-grimy! There's a limit to disgracing the dead! No, it's true.
Even if it's Slimy-grimy, he's real It's you again.
Were you able to smoke a cigarette, after all? Where will you go next? I've decided to quit smoking.
After Hijikata returned to earth, he wasn't able to give up smoking, after all.
In order to get the legendary cigarette, Hijikata works hard at training.
And a new powerful enemy appears before him.
Next episode will be Ooey-gooey ball, episode 120.
Cut it out! This can't be right! [Note: Parody of next week remark from Dragon Ball.
.]
Everyone! Please watch it! I said, shut up! [Preview.]
Oh, good for you, Hasegawa-san.
I heard you'll head up the conveyor belt sushi restaurant all by yourself, after all.
The next episode "Once you've chosen a dish, you can't give it back.
" Have some sushi! [Actually, there'll be two episodes next week.
The other episode "Japanese Restaurants Abroad Taste Pretty Much like School Cafeteria Lunches".]
[The plan is to sneak into an Amanto restaurant, but for some reason, Prince Hata was working there.
.]
[See you next time.
.]

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