Gintama (2005) s04e23 Episode Script

It's What's On The Inside That Counts / It's What's On The Inside That Counts, But Only To A Certain Extent

Funnuraba! Hey, you can't do your business here Your excretion is bigger than a naughty monk's dreams! Damn it! That's why I didn't want this She's the one who said she'd take him for a walk later! But in the end, your mother has to do all the work! Wait, I'm the mother? You can't even keep a pet in line Pathetic.
How can you change this nation when you can't even hold an animal in check? And you call yourself a samurai? What is that next to you? ["It's What's On The Inside That Counts".]
[Battle Royal Host.]
Honestly, you're such a pain.
How long have you had Sadaharu-kun? You still haven't established a master and pet relationship.
Right, Elizabeth? A true bond of trust between a master and pet must be deeper than the Sea of Japan and longer than Choshu's mullet.
[Note: Riki Choshu is a professional wrestler known for his mullet.
.]
Right, Elizabeth? What is it, Gintoki? You aren't going to eat that parfait? If you aren't, would you mind if Elizabeth had it? Right, Elizabeth? Yeah That isn't Elizabeth, is it? Gintoki, that was a pretty witty American joke.
I wasn't telling a joke! And how was that even American?! Hell, that thing's the one that looks Americanized! ["I'm Russianized".]
How would I know that?! And why are you using a Bentendo TS to talk to me?! [Note: Parody of Nintendo DS.]
Use your usual sign! Anyways, are you okay? Did you eat something rotten? Did you eat something off the floor? As you go through life, it is always possible to find hope lying around That's not what I asked.
This is bad.
Definitely bad.
You were bad to begin with, but you've taken it to a whole new level today, Zura.
It's Katsura, not Zura.
In any case, we don't have time to listen to your foolishness.
Let's go, Elizabeth.
Th-Thank you very much [Note: This is a 10,000 yen bill.
10,000 yen is equivalent to USD $100.
.]
Th-Thank you very much.
I'll go get your change.
["Keep the change".]
Thank you very much! Thank you so very much! Elizabeth, you seem to have forgotten how to use chopsticks.
No matter.
I'll teach you from the beginning.
Since we live in a land of chopsticks.
I-Indeed It's just like Gin-san said.
It's no longer the Elizabeth we know.
That's no simple makeover.
Doesn't even look like a fake.
It's something completely different.
I wonder what happened to the real Elizabeth.
Hey now Why are you getting all gloomy? Why wouldn't we?! I might not be able to compare with Katsura-san, but I have my own share of fond memories with Elizabeth.
Me too! All of the memories are so beautiful.
No, there's nothing beautiful about that.
And wait, why are you remembering last night's dinner? That has nothing to do with Elizabeth.
I'll find a way to wake Katsura-san up! Katsura-san will surely be sad when he realizes what's happened! Right on! That fake can't hold a candle to Elizabeth! But Zura usually won't listen to anything we have to say.
No choice then We'll try to wake him up.
Excuse me, you two.
Why hello there What's with you people? Well, we happen to belong to a pet-loving society.
There's been a rise in the number of people keeping illegal animals as pets or stealing other people's pets.
What was that?! Are you implying that I'm one of those evil villains?! More stupid than evil.
No, no, no! That wasn't our intention.
We simply wanted to check if that was really your pet.
Please cooperate! I have no choice So what am I supposed to do? Could you start by providing some form of ID? For the pet.
Uh, it'd be pretty odd for a pet to have any ID.
What?! It does?! Isn't that odd?! Isn't this pretty odd?! Himeka Rise Hazuki How many different hostess clubs have you been to?! [Note: Girls at hostess clubs usually have their own business cards for their customer to call.
More business cards implies more hostess clubs.
.]
Elizabeth is so hopeless.
But where did you get those things? Isn't that obvious?! They came from society's nighttime outlet where money and the lust of old men come together! But this is perfect, Gin-san.
The normal Elizabeth would never go to those places.
One more push and Katsura-san will notice! Now, we'd like you to fill out a survey concerning your pet.
Why are you filling it out?! And it's in Russian?! Please look at this, Katsura-san! This is the truth of the unknown organism next to you! Please wake up! Can your Elizabeth write in Russian?! Is this the Elizabeth you know?! Th-This is Y-You I'm so happy, Elizabeth! Why?! There's obviously something wrong here! Your Elizabeth can't write in Russian! You've finally gone from someone who could only write on that sign to someone who can write on paper! That's your concern?! This is wonderful I was starting to get sick of constantly throwing away signs.
He just revealed how he really felt.
And why don't you realize that the Elizabeth in that flashback isn't the one next to you, dumbnuts! Let us go, Elizabeth! This country has a bright future! What do we do? Forget about waking him up Katsura-san doesn't feel the slightest hint of doubt.
Man I give up.
There may still be a way.
Hey there, big guy.
[Hostess Club SMILE.]
What do you want? We've got some cute girls.
Right now, a samurai accompanied by a pet gets in for half the price.
How about it? A samurai like myself would never have time to fool around with such women.
Let's go, Elizabeth.
Yes, two coming in! Elizabeth? Why welcome! We'll take extra special care of you today! Enjoy yourselves.
Party of two coming in! Please, you're such a kidder, sir! It's Elizabeth, not sir.
What's going on, Shin-chan? Was that how the thing with Katsura-san always was? W-Well, it's a long story But this is a great plan, Gin-san.
The fake Elizabeth is obviously a fan of hostess clubs.
An obvious difference from the real thing.
Katsura-san should be confused.
Th-Then Elizabeth, shall we get going? Oh, Katsura-san? You're already leaving? It's so rare of you to come visit.
As a citizen who's concerned about the future of this nation, I have no time to play around.
Let us go, Elizabeth.
Excuse me! This customer wants an extension! An extension?! What are you saying, Elizabeth?! Wh-What's wrong, Elizabeth? You're not your usual self! That's right, Katsura-san! That's what we've been trying to tell you! This isn't the Elizabeth you know! That's right! It's a completely different fake! Wake up already! I understand I'll go wash my face to wake myself up! That's not what we meant! No, Elizabeth is Elizabeth and nothing but Elizabeth.
He seemed really disturbed Did we bring Katsura-san to his senses? Beats me.
But he should have noticed that thing isn't Elizabeth by now.
Excuse me! This customer wants a bottle of Dom Perignon Rose! [Note: Often served at Hostess Clubs at super high price.
.]
And a fruit plate, a whole ham, and order out for sushi! Hey! Cut this out already! You're really starting to push it! Hey! You're already running one scam by pretending to be Elizabeth, and now you're going to gorge yourself without paying! This bastard's an appetite robber! If you're gonna drink that much, you should be buying us a round, fake Elizabeth! [Order whatever you want.]
[Why don't YOU play around in grand style?.]
[Note: Impersonating Johnny Kitagawa, the founder and former president of Johnny & Associates, a famous male talent agency.
.]
Uh, but Woo-hoo! You're such an animal, champ! You're incorrigible, champ! It's Elizabeth-san, not champ! Elizabeth-san! Would you like anything else?! [Let's go to Oke-Kara after this!!.]
[Note: "Oke-kara" is Karaoke in TV producer terms.]
Woo-hoo! One more round! Elizabeth! You Elizabeth ["Katsura-san".]
You dropped your TS.
You shouldn't be dropping something so expensive.
At this rate, you'll end up losing something more important.
Treasure your TS as you would your friends.
Whoa, that stinks! Hey, something stinks.
Ouch Huh? What is this place? Where am I? Wait, the closet? Why was I sleeping in here? Whoa, I can barely stand straight.
Did I drink that much last night? And what's with the smell? Why is it so strong? Did Shinpachi hold a popcorn party without me? Or did Kagura's pickled seaweed spoil somewhere? Man, it smells like sweat.
My head's starting to hurt.
Hey! Kagura! Huh? Kagu- What? Something's wrong with my throat.
Did I drink too much? No choice then.
I'll take some medicine.
Pretty sure the medicine was in a drawer in the living room.
I'll just find something random to take H-Huh? Wasn't that me? Huh? Huh? Did I leave a mirror there? No, I didn't Huh? Did I leave my body? No, but I just hit my head, so I've got a body.
Wait, maybe it's a doppelganger? No, no, no, no.
We had plenty of that with the recent Tama incident.
The staff isn't going to reuse that gag, even if they're out of ideas.
They'd wait a little longer Uh, excuse me Sorry to disturb myself while I'm sleeping, but I'm having a hard time understanding the situation here.
Can I wake myself up? Hello? Hmm? Er? What's this? What's with the cute p-paw? Huh? Huh? N-No way! What? No way! Why?! Whoa, thick fur! No, that's not the issue here What?! No, no, no, no.
No way, man.
This is impossible! I don't get it! Hey! Wake up! I can't be sleeping at a time like this! Wake up! Stop! ["It's What's On The Inside That Counts, But Only To A Certain Extent".]
Hey, hey.
What am I supposed to do now? This is obviously me.
I'm Sadaharu and Sadaharu's me.
[Note: Play on the title of the book "I'm Her And She's Me".]
Why do I have to change myself? Besides, the usual pattern is It's gone! Something like that, right? But it's there.
The real deal is hanging a little bigger than usual.
Usually, you switch with a cute girl for some hubba hubba To Love-ru.
[Note: Reference to the love comedy manga "To Love Ru".
.]
And Sadaharu! Why are you still sleeping?! I'm starting to get pissed off.
I'll beat him awake! Damn, I look fine! I can't hit that face! I mean, it's me! But what am I supposed to do then?! What's with all the noise this early? Sadaharu, what are you doing? Kagura! Perfect timing! What's wrong, Gin-chan? Did you finally snap? You're acting funny.
That's right, Kagura! Way to notice! Look over here! Gin-chan's over here! Though Gin-chan's also over there, but Gin-chan's also over here! You hung over? And something stinks.
It's coming from the living room.
No! You can't go to the living room right now! That Sadaharu, or it was me, I guess! Gin-chan This is beyond sad.
I would hope that you could clean up after yourself.
And could you stay away from me for the time being, bed-shitting samurai? You've got it wrong! You should know, Kagura-chan! Gin-san may be a slob, but he knows how to keep his stuff inside! He keeps his ass tight and shut, too.
It's me, but it's not my fault! Sadaharu, what are you trying to say? Hurry over here before you catch his bed-shitting habits, Sadaharu.
I wasn't talking to you! Gin-san! I mean, Sadaharu! Good morning.
Sh-Shinpachi! You should be able to notice the problem here! You've been with me since the first episode! I'm sorry about calling you a lame four-eyes! Those glasses are the glasses of truth which reveal all! What's wrong, Sadaharu? And something stinks.
What's this smell? Gin-san, I was already disappointed in you, but I wasn't expecting you to get worse.
You've reached a new low.
You better clean this yourself.
What? He's looking down on me? Kagura-chan, let's go kill time at Otose-san's place.
Let's.
We'll catch his bed-shitting habits if we stay here.
Shitface.
Sadaharu Why is Gin-san's status spiraling down? How can you humiliate me when we've only switched places for a little Switched places That's it! A switch can be resolved by falling down a set of stairs! That's been the typical method used to end these stories! I-It didn't fix anything! Good timing, Zura! Stop that guy! They say that a boy can transform himself in three days Haven't you changed in some way? Yes! That's right! I knew you would understand! Well, we shouldn't stand here and talk so let's find a place to sit down.
Though it may take a shake or two to find a spot, but it's better than standing around like we're trying to play dead.
What are you doing, Zura?! How dare you use your conversation to manipulate me! In that case, I'll use gestures or pantomime to tell him what's going on! Well, Sadaharu-dono Creepy! Stop, Zura! Why the Mutsugoro-san impression?! [Note: Masanori Hata (a.
k.
a Mutsugoro) is a writer and naturalist.
He was an owner of "Mutsugoro Kingdom", a ranch with various animals.
.]
Such a cutie.
Can I fluff your stomach? Stop! I don't wanna admit it! Don't wanna admit it! But it feels so good! So good! No! No! Yes! What a lovely day.
I've been violated Wait, Sadaharu? Damn it! Where'd that bastard go?! What's with the penetrating look? You're not your usual self.
I love it! You're making me numb! Look down on me as much as you want! Step on me! I'm a poor little bitch who wants your love! What's with that pose? Don't tell me you want hardcore play in the middle of town! Very well! I'll accept whatever you have to give! Bring it on! Hurry! Come! What are you doing?! Do you have any idea what time this show airs?! This anime may use a lot of toilet humor, but there's a line you don't cross! You can't show this hardcore freak show on TV! I've changed jobs from the main character [Note: Changing jobs is a parody of Dragon Quest, the videogame series.
.]
to a sub-character who might get to show up once every quarter-year Farewell, fans of Gintoki Sakata Hello, fans of Sadaharu-kun.
I may have changed on the outside, but my soul will continue to shine brightly! For eternity! Man, I'm, uh, you're taking this in stride Gin-san.
Gin-san, you awake? Shut up, Shinpachi.
Don't talk right next to me.
Your voice is loud.
Huh? Isn't that Sadaharu? Huh? I can't be looking at Sadaharu if I'm Sadaharu, so if I'm looking at Sadaharu, my eyes can't be Sadaharu's, which might mean I returned to normal Huh? What's this? That sucks.
These glasses are getting really loose.
Huh! Er, what?! Glasses?! I turned into his glasses?! Who's Gin-san then?! Gin-san, please wake up already! Noooo! The next episode "People Open Up When They're Locked Up.
" [The Odd Jobs gang are trapped in an elevator, with no help in sight.]
[The second half is "Are There Still People Who Go To The Beach And Yell Out 'Bakayaro'"?.]
[See you next time.
.]

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