Happy! (2017) s02e08 Episode Script

A Friend of Death

1 Previously on "Happy!" I run the third largest network in the nation.
I have everything a man could wish for.
What about the things a man shouldn't wish for? [PEOPLE SCREAMING] Run back to Sonny Shine? Go get high with the man who kidnapped your own daughter? - Sonny Shine kidnapped me? - Yeah.
Why didn't you tell me? I thought I was doing what was best for you.
I hate you both.
Hailey! Now, to show you that I come in peace, I'm going to retrieve Ms.
Hanson for you.
Later, sucker.
There, there, little lamb.
Come inside.
Oh, hell, no! Nick? Nick.
[GROANS] Where's Hailey? It's bad, Nick.
She's with the bunny-eye guy! [SIGHS] [SIREN WAILING, TIRES SCREECH] [SUSPENSEFUL MUSIC] [RADIO CHATTER] Oh, crap, did I butt-dial 911 again? Get down! Get the fuck down! Okay, everyone relax.
Take it easy.
I will empty this gun into your fucking face.
Okay, but I'm gonna need your car first.
I will shoot you in the head, neck, and chest until I am completely out of ammo! - [SEETHES] - Mm, sounds reasonable.
You're gonna need ibuprofen, boys.
Car 1103, please respond.
We've got a code 8 in need of additional officers.
Home disturbance, shots fired.
Car 1103, and I got to tell you that all these reports about a disturbance at this residence are greatly exaggerated.
Now, the tenants have agreed to turn down the fucking noise, clean up after their pets, and wear some fucking underwear when the curtains are open.
[BELL DINGS] Officer, please state your badge number.
[CAR HORN BLARES] Uh, yeah, I'm gonna have to get back to you on, uh on that one there, dispatch.
- [GRUNTS] - [OBJECT CLATTERS] All right, Hap.
Let's go get her.
You're gonna want to hang a right up here toward 278.
[TIRES SQUEALING] [SUSPENSEFUL MUSIC] This it? Hmm? - [PANEL CHIRPS, WHIRS] - Ah [CHUCKLES] [GRUNTING] [SNIFFS] Oh, Nick, we did it! [EERIE MUSIC] [LIGHTS CLANG] [LIGHTS CLANG] [BEEPING] Oh, nothing gives my tongue a tickle like the taste of a pickled [RATS SQUEAKING] [SNIFFS] Nick, I-I think that's Pee-pee, Hap.
It's pee-pee.
[FOREBODING MUSIC] Pretty cool rabbit's foot.
I wonder what happened to the rest of him? It's for luck.
Oh, Hap it was right in front of me.
He's been working her this whole time.
How the hell did I miss it? It's not your fault, Nick.
If anyone should have known what she was going through, - it was me.
- [CELL PHONE VIBRATING] But all I could think about was my own dumb hang-ups.
Hailey! And the harder the big, hairy, stupid monkey tried to free himself from the trap, the tighter the trap closed.
Where is she? So you've happened onto my groovy little pad.
What a shame.
I really like this place.
So many fond memories.
Yeah, we took the tour.
It's cozy.
So why don't you come home to daddy? We'll Netflix and chill together.
I'm going to press a button now.
- Good-bye, monkey.
Rabbit, Mr.
Rabbit Your ears are mighty long Yes, bless God, they was put on wrong Every little soul must shine, shine Every little soul gonna shine [BOTH COUGHING] [CELL PHONE VIBRATING] [COUGHING] I'm gonna hollow out your head like a pumpkin, you motherfucker.
Hailey, Hailey, sweetheart You have to stop trying to find me.
- I'm safe.
No, listen to me.
Listen to me.
- He's lying to you, baby.
- No, Dad.
You're the only one who lied to me.
You and Mom.
I understand why you thought you had to, but I'm done being lied to.
- Hailey.
- [PHONE LINE BEEPS] [SIREN WAILING] [CAR DOORS OPEN] Nick! Excuse me, miss Who is this woman? Ms.
McCarthy, the police officer Yep.
[DOOR CLOSES] - Kap Gostynski.
- Yes, I am.
Last of the big-time moguls.
Kind of a legend, aren't you? - Tell the Emmys.
- [LAUGHS] - Thank you for seeing me.
- Why wouldn't I? I'm always happy to cooperate with New York's finest.
And I do mean "finest.
" Sonny Shine.
A one-in-a-million talent.
Smile that lights up the screen.
I'm more interested in his talents behind the camera.
[TENSE MUSIC] "Behind the camera"? I've seen the tape, Kap.
You're a hungry boy.
Amazing how realistic Hollywood special effects are these days.
You're a busy man, so I'll get right to the point.
Sonny's Easter Eggtacular the show cannot air.
You couldn't possibly understand the reasons why.
I barely understand them myself.
But if that show is broadcast, the results will be catastrophic.
"Catastrophic"? You're telling me.
That Easter special is an abomination.
At this point, I'm convinced a video of me eating my nephew's tartar would be less damaging to my career than airing that piece of shit.
You're the only at the network keeping it alive.
You can cancel his sequined ass with one phone call.
As you said I'm a busy man.
Sonny doesn't believe in digital, Kap.
"Tape is forever," he says.
There's only one copy, and I have it.
Cancel the show.
I'll give you the tape and let you destroy it yourself.
This is turning into a bad scene.
First of all, I'm not buying you as a lady cop.
You got the sexy part, although a low-cut blouse, preferably in a bold, primary color, would helpful in that department, but where's the no-nonsense blazer that says, "I can hold my own in a man's world, pinch my bottom at your own peril"? - I have that blazer.
- Sure you do.
And the hairstyle I understand the appeal of no muss, no fuss, but you look like you're here to sell me an investment condo.
Sorry, doll, I know bad acting when I see it.
You're bluffing.
I thought you might say that.
Sorry I wasted your time, Gostynski.
I'll enjoy watching you leave.
[TRUCK HORN BLARING] How much farther? We're close now.
Who were those men at the house? Your father's made a lot of enemies.
That's something that he might have considered when he came back into your life.
But that's parents.
[CHUCKLES] They don't see their children as individuals.
They only see them as a reflection of themselves.
Where are we? Someplace that I haven't been in a very long time.
What about Sonny? - You said he - Don't worry.
We'll be safe here, and then we'll decide what we'll do about you-know-who.
Diesel, pump four, and these.
I need to go number one.
- [DOOR OPENS, BELLS JINGLE] - You wait here for me.
Oh and order the cherry soda.
It's delicious here.
It was on the news.
Can't believe you didn't hear about that.
Kid only must have been 12, 13 years old.
A-and no one ever knew why he did it? Said he just wanted to prove it was possible.
[LAUGHS] Little dude just stood there at the junior high science fair.
All the other kids and their parents walking by.
Standing next to the jar.
His own nuts floating in the jar.
His nuts.
- Get the fuck out of here.
- I shit you not.
Just looking everyone in the eye.
No shame, no pride.
Just zippo.
Said he cut them off himself.
Surgical, with a straight ra [TENSE MUSIC] Had to be 30 years ago.
Wonder whatever happened to the little bastard? Probably ended up in Congress.
[BOTH LAUGHING] - Or in Hollywood.
[SIGHS] I've had my hands full.
Incidentally, this is Upstate New York, not Pickens County, Alabama.
You are wearing a lot of hats these days, Smoother bunny hat, working for Sonny Shine hat, conspiring to kill the very same Sonny Shine hat, gaslighting and programming his pint-sized assassin hat.
It's nothing that I can't handle.
The plan is proceeding along perfectly.
So you say.
But I have my nagging doubts.
This girl, it don't seem much like she'd be ready to do what needs to be done, now, do it? She'll be ready.
I have broken down everything that she ever believed in.
There's nothing left.
Just a blank page waiting to be written.
But I know when someone has made a friend of death.
And she ain't done it.
You trusted me for a reason, and I will not disappoint you.
All I need is a little more ti [TOILET FLUSHING, DOOR OPENS] [DOOR BELLS JINGLE] [HARMONICA PLAYING TUNELESSLY] Would you stop that, please? Sorry.
[SIGHS] What the fuck was I thinking, Hap trying to be some kind of normal dad, trying to stick to the straight and narrow? How was me being back in their lives gonna end up any different? You tried to do good, Nick.
That's what matters.
Hap, that don't matter.
I'm a virus.
Everything I touch, everything anywhere near me is bound to be infected sooner or later.
Amanda Hailey.
I've lost everyone that ever meant anything to me.
You haven't lost me.
What the hell you still doing here, anyway? Shouldn't you be out rutting with a lawn ornament? Yeah, I guess I deserve that.
You're not the only one who's had their head up their you-know-what lately.
While you were trying so hard to change, I was doing everything I could not to.
I lost sight of what's really important, what being an imaginary friend is all about.
We can't give up hope, Nick.
[LOUD CRUNCH] [GRUNTS, HOLLERS] [SIGHS] I think I'm out of hope.
Well, I got enough hope for the both of us.
- Goody.
- I'm gonna find help, Nick.
- You do that.
- I'll be back, I promise.
But first, I got to make with the Jackrabbit Parole.
What the [BALL CLANGS] God, I want to turn you into a chess piece.
Oh, Sax.
[SINISTER MUSIC] We're coming for you, asshole.
- Uh, Nick? - Yeah, asshole.
Listen to me.
Get out of here.
Well, well, well, boys in blue.
What took you so long? Nick Sax.
That's what's sewn into my underwear.
- You used to be one of us.
- Yeah.
Yeah, look at you now.
Not to brag, but you should see the other guys.
[LOCK CLICKS] You put some of your ex-brothers in the hospital last night, Sax.
Let me stop you right there.
I can't believe you guys came all the way down here just to recite a pretty speech, so why don't we just get down to it? This is it? It's not much, I know.
We weren't well off.
- I didn't mean - No, it's okay.
It's nice.
- Where is she? - Just a minute.
[GLASS SHATTERING] [DOOR OPENS] No, no, no, it's okay, Mom.
Mama, mama, mama.
Meet Cheryl.
Mama, this is, uh, Hailey.
She's gonna be staying with us for a while.
Mal de ojo.
No, no, no.
Tranquila, mama - Mal de ojo.
- Tranquila, por favor.
- Yeah.
- Mal de ojo.
Mama, mama.
My biological mother died in childbirth.
My father met Cheryl.
She's the only mother I've ever known.
- She seems so scared.
It's the first time, uh, that she's seen me since To be honest, Hailey, um, she's been through a lot.
We all have.
[BITTER, TENSE MUSIC] Because of him.
"Him"? My Let me, uh, show you to your room.
Come on.
I know it's musty, but, uh, you'll be safe here.
You're leaving? There's something that I need to do.
I'll just be an hour, and then we'll go for lunch.
You must be starving.
You told me we'd make sure Sonny Shine never hurt anyone ever again.
You said you'd make everything right again for me, for my parents.
But you never told me how.
You need to trust me.
But it'll never be right, not until he's in jail forever.
How can we do that from here? Why are we running away? We are not running away.
A policeman told me a story once about a child that was taken.
They caught the man who did it, and he was, quite simply, a monster.
You know the type.
[SCREAMING] The child's father came to see the policeman one night, and he was filled with rage.
He said, "I don't care about the laws.
"Just let me in that cell with him alone for 20 minutes.
That's all I ask.
" Do you know what the policeman said? He said, "The man in that cell is a killer.
"He knows what violence means "what it feels like, what he's capable of.
"He has made friends with death.
"You haven't.
"If I let you in there alone with him you'll never come out.
" I don't understand.
You'll get your revenge, Hailey.
I promise.
[RADIO CHATTER] [INDISTINCT CHATTER] [DISTANT SIRENS WAILING] If you're looking for your fuck-boy Sax, you're a little late.
He's behind stripes.
It's about time, if you ask me.
Not exactly news.
Half the department ran code on that APB.
And he's not my fuck-boy.
Speaking of which, where's yours? None of your beeswax, McCarthy.
Look, forget I asked.
You know, some people just have a different idea of what being a good partner means - if you know what I mean.
- I don't.
Some people think that they can have as many partners as they want as long as they have a badge and two X chromosomes Okay, that's more information than I ever needed to know.
Oh, fine.
If you really must know, Hubble and I ain't exactly on speaking terms right now.
I mean, who's gonna finish your sentences for you? Oh, that's really funny.
You're a regular Tig Notaro, McCarthy.
Listen to me, I need to get to Sax.
Not gonna happen.
I'm sorry.
Nick Sax was taken into custody because he refused to cooperate You're a dirty girl, Ace.
You know, I'm dirty, too.
The whole department's dirty.
Doesn't mean we can't throw each other a bone.
What, uh what what kind of bone are you talking about? I don't know how deep in you are with Shine, what you know, what you don't want to know, but I'm willing to look the other way.
Just get me Sax.
Oh, that kind of bone.
All I'm saying is what's good for the goose is good for the You know, geese in general.
You know, McCarthy, getting you kicked off the force was Nothing personal.
I know.
How about that bone? I think I could, uh, see what I could do.
Just a minute, now.
Don't monkey around.
What if I told you I was crazy about you? Who said you were, and so what? No, look, what I mean, Johnny I really like you.
I really like you, too.
Should I trust you? Maybe I'd be good for you.
- Hey, you.
I was hoping you'd call.
Is everything all right? What are you doing I mean right now? - Just catching up on - Great.
Fuck that.
I'm in this Um I'm actually not quite sure what it is, but I need you to get over here right now and get in me.
Can you do that? Just finding a pencil.
Are you there? I need it now, motherfucker! Amanda.
Boy, is someone gonna have a tummy ache tomorrow.
"You scoundrel," I said.
"Would you ask Kyôko Kishida to do that?" And then he said, "I have no recollection of Kyôko Kishida working in pasties.
" - [LAUGHS] - Bebe! Oh, look who it is.
My little whatchamacallit.
- Happy, remember? - Well, of course I do.
You're the pool boy's little pal.
- Bebe, I need your help.
- Yes? There's a lady inside, Amanda Hansen, and she's in a lot of trouble.
This is no place for a nice, sweet mommy, let alone one with a bun in the oven.
We've got to get her out of here.
Preggers, you say? Oh, well, say no more, little poopsie.
Aunt Bebe can handle this.
Well we are making ourselves right at home, aren't we? - Hi! - [LAUGHS] Oh, I'll be you are.
Bebe, tell her Nick is in jail.
Tell her she's in terrible danger being here.
Tell her Sonny Shine is I'm sure that I need no introduction, but I'm going to sock it to you anyway.
I'm Bebe DeBarge, and this is my house.
And that is my imported strawberry daiquiri syrup that you're guzzling down.
Hey! I was drinking that.
You were, and now you're not.
Listen to me, you little gold-digging whore N-no, that's not what I said at all! Girl to girl It's not that I can't empathize.
I remember when it was me in your shoes.
I had just gotten off the bus from some dusty nowhere and trying to make my way up to the top in the big city with nothing but my smarts, my talents, and my God-given sex appeal.
I know your game because I played it in spades, baby.
But my Sonny is off limits.
So why don't you just pack up your act and take it somewhere else? Lady I don't understand half of what you just said.
But if you're trying to get laid out on your dusty ass, you said it to the right bitch.
- No! - Ladies.
You've met.
How delightful.
Well, hello, handsome.
He sure is.
Oh, Bebe, Bebe, my Bebe.
Run along, now, Bebe.
The boys are getting lonely.
- I'll take care of this.
- Mm.
[TENSE MUSIC] [SIGHS] Look at you.
This blush of new life so becomes you, Amanda.
Keep talking.
I am amazed.
Can this really be true? I have lived for eons and yet there is still newness.
Still moments of wonder.
[BREATHING SHAKILY] [GAGS, GRUNTS] Looks like it's time for us to go.
[LAUGHING] [AMANDA LAUGHING] - Uh, A-Amanda, I - Oh! I thought I had the address wrong.
It's you with the pretty eyes! Come with me, we're having a baby! Wait, what? - It it can't be mine.
- Of course not, silly.
It doesn't matter.
I'll stay with you.
I've always dreamed of having a family.
We'll raise this baby together, and I will love it like my own.
- [LAUGHS] - We'll follow our blessed baby.
- Walk it like we talk it.
- [LAUGHS] Who the fuck are you? I don't particularly appreciate your tone, friend.
[LAUGHS] We're going to see the doctor now.
What's the matter with you, Sax? Ain't you even gonna fight back? It's no fun if you're just gonna lie there.
Yeah, at least pretend to be into this.
Well sure, I mean, if it'll help.
- Nick Sax.
- Is my table ready? Get the fuck out.
You fucking loser.
[CHUCKLES] Oh, I guess it was only a matter of time before you ended up on this side of the bars, huh, chief? [GRUNTS] Got two options.
We can do this the hard way or we can do it the rock-hard way.
- Do you even need to ask? - Well, not really.
Welcome to Western Buffet.
We'd come here once a month our big night out.
I used to look so forward to it.
You could have anything you wanted.
Is it like you remember? No, it's not the same.
Nothing stays the same.
People change.
The jukebox that was the best.
I-if you grow up in a town like this, sometimes music is all you have.
Sometimes when I can't sleep, I put on my headphones and listen to music all night.
It keeps you from thinking about things.
Y-your dad, was he really bad? [GULPS] Uh, well let's just say I didn't have to look outside the house to find monsters.
Alcoholic, violent temper.
Sounds familiar, I guess.
My dad would never hurt me.
Uh, Cheryl managed to get us away from him.
If she hadn't done it he would have eventually killed us both.
Where did he go? Not far.
[SNIFFS] Ah, I just had the silliest idea.
I don't know any of these songs.
- They're all old.
- [CHUCKLES] This one.
[TEARS FOR FEARS' "EVERYBODY WANTS TO RULE THE WORLD"] Welcome to your life There's no turning back Even while we sleep We will find you Acting on your best behavior Turn your back on Mother Nature Everybody wants to rule the world Help me to decide Help me make the most of freedom And of pleasure Nothing ever lasts forever Everybody wants to rule the world - [MUSIC FADES] - [GRUNTS] [DISTANT SIRENS WAILING] [GRUNTS] [SMOOCHES] You're welcome.
Do I want to know how you swung this? - Don't ask.
- Don't tell.
Look, Sax, I can't sugarcoat this.
Since I last saw you things have gone from weird to, like, super fucking weird.
Blue has escaped from prison, only he isn't Blue.
He's gonna kill Sonny on live TV.
Sounds great.
I'll set my DVR.
Just give me a moment.
It's gonna feel so much better.
[GRUNTS] Oh, yeah, like lancing a hemorrhoid.
Now, where were we? Mer, look I can see that you've got a nice, comfortable seat on the observation car of the crazy train, but I need you to stay here.
And by here, I mean reality.
I can't do this alone.
Sax, this has been about Sonny's Easter show the entire time.
Mer, I don't give a shit omelet about Sonny's Easter show! I care about one thing my family.
Yes, your family! They're all a part of this, too.
- I don't know exactly - Nick! Hold that thought.
What? Nick, I found Amanda.
I know where she is.
We got to hurry, Nick.
I-I mean, we really got to hurry! Copy, hurry.
Mer, I can't tell you how I know this - Amanda.
- Yeah.
I don't care how you know.
Let's go get her.
Great, and then we'll take care of Sonny Shine's little Easter show later.
Oh, don't worry about that.
I took care of it already.
- Oh, shit, my car, too? - Yeah.
Wow, you must've been digging deep down - in that thing.
- Oh, good God.
[GRUNTS] This is a great honor.
I've been providing quality programming for children of all ages on this network for over a decade.
I've done more upfronts than Matt Lauer.
[LAUGHS] But to be called before the esteemed Board of Directors on the eve of my greatest triumph, all I can say is I've never felt such a sense of family.
- I've never felt - Shine.
We didn't call you here to wish you good luck.
Your special's off.
"Off"? Canceled.
But Easter's tomorrow.
That's correct.
The public has been through a lot this year.
These Easter Bunny terrorist attacks have cast a pall on the entire season.
Then the events of this morning, which were a terrible shock to all of us.
But this so-called "Eggtacular" Honestly, Shine, haven't the people suffered enough? I'm going to save Easter.
Not this year and not on our network.
[SMACKS LIPS] I think Kap Gostynski will have something to say about that.
Gostynski? Didn't you hear? And this just in shocking footage has emerged of famed TV executive Kap Gostynski appearing to cannibalize his young nephew.
Warning to our audiences this footage will be graphic.
- [SCREAMING] - Is that you? - [GRUNTING] - [SCREAMING] - [TELEPHONE RINGING] - Hold my calls.
I mean really disturbing footage.
If I were Kap Gostynski, I would certainly think about killing myself.
Well, you know what? Why don't we show it one more time for our viewers that are just joining us? [SUSPENSEFUL MUSIC] [BLADE SLICES] Oh, shit.
- Everybody wants - Oh - [LAUGHS] - That was the most fun I have had since [DISTANT GRUNTING] What is it? Did you hear that? Listen.
[FAINT GURGLING, WHIMPERING] [DARK, CURIOUS MUSIC] We've got to get him to a doctor.
Why did you bring me here? My mother lives in fear every day that he will come back to finish what he started.
I can't bear to see her this way.
I've warned him, threatened him.
But now I'm gonna do what I should have done years ago.
When you left earlier, this is what you were doing.
Don't you see? I've spent my whole life trying to find the courage to face this moment.
He did things to us things that I cannot repeat, things that I cannot bear to remember.
I was powerless, Hailey.
But not anymore.
If you can find the courage to do what needs to be done, then so can I.
You're my inspiration.
You're going to kill him.
Sometimes bad people need to die.
But don't think of it as revenge.
Think of it as doing what needs to be done because you are the only one with the courage to do it.
And when it's over, the world is more correct.
That's all.
I've given him a drug.
It'll deaden his nerves so he won't feel a thing.
- [BEER CAN CLANGS] - Shh, shh, shh.
Try to relax.
It will take you days to die.
But all the while, your nerves will be vividly, exquisitely alive.
You will feel everything.
You can look away if you want to.
[SUSPENSEFUL MUSIC] It has to be this way because of everything you did.
Do you understand? Who are you? It'll be over soon.
[DRAMATIC MUSIC] We're done here.
We're going back to the city.
You needed to make a friend of death, and now you have.
You're ready.
Ready? For what? You're gonna do what your father should have done what I should have done.
You're gonna kill the one who stole your childhood your innocence.
Sonny Shine.
[SIREN WAILING] Well, well, back at General.
Yeah, I'm getting misty just thinking about it.
Last time I was in that joint, I had to shoot my way out.
Yeah, well, we might have to shoot our way in this time.
I love when you talk dirty to me.
How could Amanda ever end up in such an awful place, Nick? Consorting with the wrong sort of people, Hap.
We're gonna need to find another way in.
I like this way.
- Nick.
- What? They have Amanda in there.
It's better if they don't know we're coming.
[THUNDER BOOMS] Is it yours? She said she was getting back into dating.
Oh, for crying out loud, can we just change the subject, please? I'm trying to focus on the loss of human life I'm about to inflict.
Oh, shit, I forgot to tell you the best part.
- N-Nick? - Sockatoo.
- Hey, Nick.
- You know, the Wishee - the one we tried to cut open? - Did you see something? Okay, all right, stop.
You know something? You've been interrupting an awful lot.
I mean, if you got something to tell me, why don't you holy shit! [SUSPENSEFUL MUSIC] What the - [SCREECHES] - Uh-oh.
Nick! Lady! Lady, wake up! [NICK MUMBLING INDISTINCTLY] [NICK GRUNTS] All right, sandwich lover.
[GUN COCKS, GUNSHOT] [BODY THUDS] [GRUNTING] [WISHEE FARTS] Look, Mer, it does have an asshole.
[DISTANT SIREN WAILING] Well that happened.
[SPITS] [DOOR CLOSES] Where is everybody? [PA BEEPS] [INDISTINCT ANNOUNCEMENTS OVER PA] Your little tramp is in the hospital.
Oh! [GRUNTS] Don't you want to see if it's a boy or a girl? Are you insane? The seed of my loins is my work, my art, my Eggtacular.
And it's kaput! Well, then what about this? You silly, silly woman.
- [BREATHING HEAVILY] - [MONITOR BEEPING] The baby inside Amanda Hansen isn't mine.
[WISHEES SCREECHING] What's going on? Why are they here? Heart rate's going through the roof.
We're gonna lose her.
[WHISPERING] It's theirs.