Happy! (2017) s02e09 Episode Script

Five Chicken Fingers and a Gun

1 Previously on "Happy!" Look, Mer, it does have an asshole.
He who fails to find me injures himself.
The fuck? - [THUNK] - [SCREAMING] This is a great honor.
We didn't call you here to wish you good luck.
Your special's off.
I'm going to save Easter.
Not on our network.
We're going to kill Sonny Shine.
- How does that sound? - Go on.
Blue has escaped from prison.
He's gonna kill Sonny on live TV.
This has been about Sonny's Easter show the entire time.
Your mom's a little bit sick right now.
Not in her body, in her head.
Hailey Louise Hansen, you get over here right now and get theses off me.
I sacrificed everything for you and this is how you thank me? Back to Sonny Shine? Go get high with the man who kidnapped your own daughter? Sonny Shine kidnapped me? I hate you both.
Hailey! You need to trust me.
Sometimes bad people need to die.
You're gonna kill the one who stole your childhood.
Sonny Shine.
You'll get your revenge, Hailey.
I promise.
Since when is Amanda knocked up? I just saw her a couple days ago.
The baby inside Amanda Hansen isn't mine.
- It's theirs.
- [SCREAMING] [CHEERFUL MUSIC] How about I just assist myself? [DRAMATIC MUSIC] He's just been shat out of an inter-dimensional alien asshole.
You understand.
[GRUMBLES] Oh! I'm looking for a patient.
Amanda Sax? Hansen.
Look, we can do this the hard way or Blah, blah, blah, blah, blah.
- He's off his meds.
- Great cough syrup.
Sax, tighten your shit up.
[GRUNTS] Hey, I know this place is run by the mob but it's still a working civilian hospital.
So where do we start? Right there.
- [GASPS] - You missed a spot.
Okay, so where do we start? Ninth floor.
It's where they take the bad guys, remember? No.
[WHISTLES] [SCREAMING] What's going on? Why are they here? Do try to relax, dear.
Doctor, a touch more oxygen, don't you think? [EERIE MUSIC] [GAS HISSING] It was unplanned.
You know, bit of a holiday surprise.
You know, when I heard you were in the "family way", my first reaction was, "Oh, my God, now? With our Easter pageant in full swing?" Then, there's never a perfect time, is there? And you, just think of it, my mucilaginous chums.
A whole army of you! Oh, the madness! Oh, the chaos! Heart rate's going through the roof.
- We're gonna lose her.
- That's tragic.
Charge the defib.
[MACHINE BEEPING] Look, I know you wanted a natural childbirth Mr.
Scaramucci, but I've never seen anything like this before.
My dear doctor, no one has ever seen anything like this before.
They're evolving, you know, in ways that even I do not understand.
[LAUGHS] Can't wait to find out what comes out.
Can you? [LOW BELLOWING] Fuck this.
Amanda! Where are you? - Whoa, hell.
- [SCREAMING] - I gotta give her something.
- Huh? Her heart won't take much more of this.
Her heart won't need to take much more.
One life whispers into the darkness, another screams into the light.
This is it! [PLOPPING] [SIGHS] [EXHAUSTED BREATHING] Oh Absolutely stunning.
It's an Easter miracle.
So disgustingly adorbs.
[LOW DISTORTING TONES] You've fulfilled your purpose, my dear.
It's time to rest.
This is not a drill.
Please go to the fire exits in an orderly fashion.
Do you know what you've done, you cunt? See you next Tuesday.
- Sax, he's not who you think.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, you don't like to be call Blue no more.
You're now, um Orifice.
God of assholes.
Look, pal, I don't give a rat's ass what you wanna call yourself these days.
You're in my way.
Nick Sax.
I have heard such things.
If half of them are true, you and I are going to get along splendidly.
I doubt that, Frenchy.
[GUNSHOT] [MANIACAL LAUGHTER] No, I [SNIFFS] Suicide by Sax! Now this is some lovely sport! He can make people kill themselves.
I don't know how.
[HARD ROCK MUSIC] [GUNSHOTS] Ahh! [GUNSHOT] Oh, for crying out loud, that was not on me.
Nick! Ugly lady! [COCKING] [DARK MUSIC] What the hell are you? I'm an imaginary friend.
You're just like me.
But instead of death, y [GENTLE GUITAR MUSIC] [AIR SUPPLY'S "LOST IN LOVE" PLAYS] Lost in love and I don't know much Was I thinking aloud and fell out of touch But I'm back on my feet and eager to be What you wanted So lift your eyes if you feel you can Reach for a star and I'll show you a plan I figured it out What I needed was someone to show me - Come here.
- Ew.
Sax! I don't know where her lips have been.
You know you can't fool me I've been loving you too long It started so easy You want to carry on Ew! Lost in love and I don't know much Was I thinking aloud, fell out of touch But I'm back on my feet, eager to be what you wanted [MUSIC DISTORTS AND FADES] [OMINOUS MUSIC] [GASPS] I'm sorry.
Nick? See you later? Amanda? [CLATTERING] Yeah.
I'm back.
Where's our fucking daughter? [EERIE MUSIC] - All checked in.
- Okay.
I want you to know that I am very proud of you.
I know.
Do you remember the plan? Tell me.
The car picks me up at seven.
It'll take me straight there.
Once you're in? Once I'm in, I know what to do.
I'll be inside waiting for you.
What's this? Something special before the big night.
See you at the show.
[LIVELY ORCHESTRAL MUSIC] Listen to me, we're gonna find her.
We just gotta regroup, get our heads straight.
Think back on everything that that led us to this.
Come up with a plan.
Amanda? I remember everything.
Everything I said.
Everything I did.
I couldn't stop myself.
Can you imagine what that's like? Pretty much felt that way my entire life.
Why I left.
You know, just couldn't take another day feeling the way that you're feeling, but the difference between you and me is that this This was out of your control.
This was not you, Amanda.
You know that, right? How do I explain that to Hailey? The things I said.
The lies The waffles It wasn't me.
How does she believe that? Maybe she won't.
At first but but you'll chip away at it.
You're the only mom she's got.
She'll forgive you.
I don't see how that's ever gonna be possible.
Well, you forgave me.
Right? Wah! Aha! This is the future! I am I am the future! I can't be around children? I can't be around children.
Me! I'm gonna be the greatest, most beloved children's entertainer of all time! That's what I'm gonna be! I'm gonna be the most beloved children's entertainer [SOBBING] Of all time! You don't understand.
I'll show them all something they have never seen before.
I'll show them! Whatcha gonna show us, cock boy? Read between the lines, scrub.
The fuck that cockswain just do? Where you going? I asked you a question! Fuck this cock monkey up.
[LAUGHING] Oof! [GROANING] What was that? I don't You don't you don't know what joy is.
You don't know, you don't know what love is.
You don't you forgot what it's like to be little kids.
And you're nothing! [LAUGHING] You know what? You're right.
Let's play Tic Tac Toe.
I'll go first.
Ahh! [CRASHING] [SQUELCHING] - [GURGLING] - [SCREAMING] [SCREAMING] What What? What are you? [MYSTERIOUS WHOOSHING] Are you talking to me? [ELECTRIC GUITAR] KIDS: Sonny Shine! Sonny Shine! Sonny Shine! It's over.
My Eggtacular is canceled.
And now my muses.
They've canceled you too.
No one ever understood me.
Not even the children, to be candid.
Oh, I tingled their little sweet-tooths and gave them some some naughty fun to scare their parents with.
But them Them My wishees.
[SOBBING] Oh They're the only ones who ever got me.
You know I could talk to them.
Not out loud of course, but something beyond words.
[SOMBER MUSIC] What? - Huh? - Oh.
Telepathy, yeah.
A strange sensation.
A chattering in your bones.
I should have been here.
With them.
It's too late.
We've all lost a great deal today.
But! There's too much at stake for everybody.
Show's too important.
We'll find a way.
Find? Find a way? Helloooo! We are finished! Finito! The fat lady has sung her last fucking sonata.
The show is over! [SQUEAKING] I'm over.
Don't you get it? Where the hell are you going? Savings, my investments.
If I own half of Palm Springs, I can live ten lifetimes like Ricky Martin.
You're not going anywhere.
Men like us.
We do not gutter into the ashes of history.
We are the originators of history.
This! This is not an end! This is a beginning! Who decides that you're over? Who decides that you've gone far enough? These small, simple, men? They know nothing of greatness.
How could they possibly appreciate a true vision such as yours? All they can do is fear it.
Your detractors.
What are they? Sightless worms squirming in the syrup of a decomposing culture.
You are the brightest star in the sky, Sonny.
And a blind maggot does not stop the sun from shining.
Will you now let them snuff you out on the eve of your greatest triumph? We don't need permission.
We don't need anyone.
Now you pull up your golden britches and you show the world what you are damn well made of.
The show will go on! ALL: Orcus! Orcus! Orcus! Orcus! Orcus! You get me.
You understand.
You understand.
The show will go on! It will! [MUFFLED YELP] [LAUGHS] In your Easter bonnet With all the frills upon it You'll be the grandest lady In the Easter chorus Can you take our picture? And when they look you over I'll be the proudest fellow In the Easter parade On the avenue Fifth avenue Thanks! The photographers will snap us Here, we'll take one for you.
And you'll find that you're in the rotogravure Smile.
Oh, I could write a sonnet About your evening bonnet Don't shake it.
And of the girl I'm taking To the Easter parade - Hey, Rita.
- Hey, McCarthy.
- What's the name? - Bianchi.
She's still in pretrial detention.
- Should be block C.
- Well, shit.
- Bianchi, you said? - Yeah.
Well, that ain't good.
- What? - Uh I hate to be the bear of bad news.
- Bearer.
- What? It's the "bearer.
" "Bearer of bad" Never mind.
What is it? Well, uh, about Bianchi, she was I don't know how to say this.
You weren't related, were you? Go on.
You are not gonna believe I'm not even sure how such a thing could happen.
Uh, but she was.
Oh, hell, I'm just gonna say it.
[OMINOUS MUSIC] Hello, my lovely.
My autumn bloom.
Oh, what, are you not talking to me now then? Really? But you were so loquacious the last time we met.
By the way, that was most unkind.
Business with the knitting needles.
Trapping me in this too, too solid flesh.
And what's a life sentence to you, eh? Barely a slap on the wrist.
Still, nobody to blame but myself I suppose.
Ugh, fine.
I'll leave you to your knitting.
Oh! One thing before I leave.
Um, I did want to send a message to your sisters.
[OMINOUS MUSIC] I think they will have a message for you.
There she is! Hello! No, but don't you see, young lady? I'm free now.
My strength is coming back, spring is in the air, and tonight, most special of nights, I'm going to crush into powder the hopes and dreams of millions of innocent souls.
Again! And there's nothing any of you can do to stop me.
But that's not the message.
The message, young lady is you.
[NEEDLES CLACKING] [GROANS] Ahh! Ahhh! [SCREAMING] [PLOPPING] Decapitated? As in Well, all right then.
Oh, wait.
Hold up, McCarthy.
This says there's something here for you.
For me? Her belongings.
- Seriously? - Left them in your care.
[OMINOUS MUSIC] Wait, wait, wait.
There's something more.
And what's this? That's her.
I mean, I gotta tell ya, I have been down some dark alleys of addiction town, but I ain't never seen nothing like that.
What with the whipped cream? She must have been going through two, three cases at a time.
[GASPS] Who are you? Passing up stuff like this.
That's what I'm talking about.
Whipped cream is a gateway treat, Nick.
It leads to more decadent confections.
And do you really think another bottle of ass whoop is a good idea? No, I don't, Hap.
The strangest thing happened back there at the hospital.
- I was just - I don't know if it was the drugs or that shit they gave me.
I think I saw Happy.
Holy moly macaroni, I knew it! - Happy? - Hailey's imaginary friend.
Oh, Amanda, I'm here.
Right here.
- Can you see me? - Um, yeah.
I I think if you were to tell anybody that, they'd think you were a little [CUCKOO WHISTLING] I only know him from Hailey's drawings, and from the way she used to talk about him.
The horn.
The sweet smile.
[SOFT MUSIC] A happy horse-horse.
I remember the first time she sang that song.
She was 4 3/4 and she asked me where her dad was.
I told her the truth, that I had no idea.
She created Happy the next day.
'Cause of you I suppose.
Tell her, Nick.
Go on.
Tell her you see me, too.
Amanda Yeah? Come on, Nick! Tell her! I just hope that he's with her right now, telling her that everything is gonna be all right, telling her that we're coming for her because we are.
I hope so, too.
- Mrs.
Hansen? - Yes? - This is Sister Lee from St.
- Sister Lee? I wanted you to know that Hailey showed up here.
Hailey's at school.
She's scared but she's safe.
You should come and pick her up.
Hey, can I cash that in? [OMINOUS MUSIC] Um Where are you going? [CARNIVAL MUSIC] [WHISPERED VOICES] Try not to worry, Amanda.
We'll find her.
Was it true what you said? That Hailey invented me because Nick wasn't there? Maybe I was always meant to find him.
Maybe that was my purpose.
[OMINOUS MUSIC] Here comes Peter Cottontail Hopping down the bunny trail Hippity hoppin', Easter's on its way Bringing every girl and boy Baskets full of Easter toys Making your Easter bright and guy He's got jelly beans for Tommy Colored eggs for Sister Sue [SCREAMING] I thought she'd never stop.
What's a boy to do? I got ideas.
But none of them really hit the spot, now do they? You can't kill me.
Then you won't find her.
You can't torture me.
What would be the point? Fun? [GIGGLING] Maybe for both of us.
But it wouldn't get you any closer to your little whippersnapper, now would it? We both know this doesn't end until one of us is dead.
But there are much worse things than dead.
- Nick! - Yeah, sweetie? - Amanda, no! - Who the fuck is this? This is the guy I was telling you about.
I'm blushing.
Whatever he told you all true.
I have a question, Nick.
Why is this motherfucker not tied up to a chair with his balls in a vice? Yeah, about that What the fuck is up with you two? We're gonna listen to what he has to say.
Really? Okay, sure.
I'm all ears.
Hyah! Well? I'm listening! Ah! I'm listening! [GRUNTING] [EXHAUSTED BREATHING] - It's cathartic.
- Ugh Honey.
I know you wanna kill him, so do I, but he knows where Hailey is.
And you gotta believe me, he ain't telling, no matter what we do.
Come on.
Come on, now.
Atta girl.
I'm sure you enjoyed that.
I did.
Now, can we get on with it? - Oh! - Hey, come on.
She's still alive.
She's still alive.
Killing her would be too easy.
He has a plan.
And I think he's had it for a long time.
Make yourselves comfortable.
We've got some time to kill.
[WHISPERING] I think I broke my hand.
[STRUGGLING] Assunta Bianchi sent you here.
Why? Fuck her.
I don't know why she sent me here.
So let's start with you bitches telling me who the hell you are.
A cop's daughter.
I wonder, what did he teach? How to clean and load a 45.
And if you don't take his name out of your mouth, I'll show you something else he taught me.
He didn't teach you to be just.
We've seen your record.
You lied and cheated every chance you could.
You were a disgrace to everything your father stood for.
Maybe I didn't know what being a cop meant until I lost my badge.
Is that what you want to hear? Assunta told you about Orcus.
And I guess I believe her.
Now the fuck what? You've seen evil.
Did you ever stop to wonder where it comes from? Do you think the horror and brutality of this world is random? People generally suck is how I put it.
The world is polluted by old gods.
Sick, lingering, old Gods.
Hanging on to shreds of belief like a pox festering in dark corners.
Shrinking from the sterile light of day.
Looking for fresh, unvaccinated cells.
Preying on weak souls.
Like yours.
[HYPERVENTILATING] [SCREAMING] We are bound to cleanse them from this world.
And now you are bound to us.
[WHIMPERING] Welcome to the Blue Feather, Merry McCarthy.
You're one of us now.
What's on your mind? Easter.
The joy of candy, colors, creativity and costuming.
A season unlike any other, but don't be fooled by these glorious pastels.
Because we are under attack.
There are those that would crack our eggs, that would bukakke our baskets, poison our puddings.
But tonight I say J'accuse! We will not be intimidated by a little bee in our bonnet.
No, we will fight back and stand strong.
Easter Strong.
Trademark pending.
Wasn't that magnificent? Are you moved? I was moved, I know something certainly moved.
Back off, rent boy.
I'm so sorry, Sunshine.
Any comment about last night's big announcement? I was talking to Tara.
Wait, you're not Tara.
I wanna know about the big announcement that your show is being canceled.
Everyone is saying that your career is deader than Sharon Tate's I'm totally digging your contouring today, B-T-dubs.
- Canceled? - Can Canceled? [LAUGHS] Jesus was canceled and that didn't stop him, did it? But what about the bunny, Sonny? [WHISTLES] I have no idea what you're talk oh.
That bunny.
I do think my my little SunDrops have had quite enough of the nightmares about a little crazy animal that the French put in stew.
But if he comes to my show, on my stage, on this special day [CHUCKLES] I'll be waiting.
The show must go on! [MANIACAL LAUGHTER] [HORNS HONKING] What are some fun car games to pass the time? Hm? Oh, I know.
Let's play, "Would You Rather.
" That's a low blow.
Everyone loves "Would You Rather.
" You can't take the tunnel this time of night, Nick.
God help me I need a drink.
Would you rather have gone your whole life without ever knowing about Hailey but guaranteeing that she's safe, or is all of this worth it just to play daddy for a few months? Would you rather have my fist down your throat or up your ass? Whoa, Amanda's really good at this.
And I took you for just another TV mom in distress.
I like her, Sax.
You punched way above your weight class with thissss bitch.
Enjoy it while you can, motherfucker.
It ain't gonna last.
Nothing good ever does.
Should have taken the Queensboro.
Let's ventilate this son a female dog.
I found you, Nick.
We can find Hailey.
Hi, it's Hailey.
Sorry I can't answer the phone Oh, I have another game.
Hm? I spy with my little eye the inside of your brain.
Seductive, isn't it? The "what's nexts," the "what ifs.
" Imagination does half my work for me.
- Don't listen to him.
- Oh, he's right.
Don't listen to me.
What do I know? Except exactly where Hailey is.
- Hey, is your seatbelt on? - Mm-hmm.
[TIRES SCREECHING] [THUNK] You think you're such an expert on pain? When we're done with whatever the fuck this is I am gonna teach you things that Don't be boring.
When I am done with whatever this is that I am doing, you will be too busy shopping for razorblades and drawing a warm bubble bath to even think about me.
- May I come in? - What do you want? - You know who I am? - You were at the diner.
And you're not afraid of me? I know who runs the show, and it's not you.
Well said.
For what it's worth, I was looking forward to meeting you.
But no, I understand your hesitancy.
Trust is difficult to come by these days.
Best not to dole it out willy-nilly.
[SIGHS] Oh, God no.
Oh, no.
This doesn't suit you at all.
Does it? Some ghastly façade of childhood.
Life is so much more complicated than whatever mask we put on it.
We both know that.
Don't we? Ah! Bugger me.
That's better.
Well, first I have to admit that I didn't think you were capable of the task at hand.
But true courage, Hailey, true courage can't be forged in either sense of the word.
It lives in you or it doesn't.
And when I look at you, I see a young woman who's capable of so much more than she ever thought possible.
That's all I got to say.
You know, Hailey.
You can never get back what was stolen from you.
It's long gone.
But you can make the world more just no, not just.
More More correct.
And I believe you will.
Enjoy your supper.
Not gonna sugar coat this.
We're in the shit right now.
I got no idea what he has in mind for us but I know this: He wants it too bad.
He's gonna make a mistake.
And when he does You trust me, Amanda? I do.
If you wouldn't mind doing the honors? You want me to inject him? Yes.
What is it? What if I told you that it was poison? Kill him and you get your precious little apple back.
Would you do it? You're god damn right she would.
Don't worry about alcohol wipes.
His body produces it naturally.
We were terrible for each other.
The worst.
In the buttocks, please.
TOGETHER: Seriously? [ELECTRIC GUITAR] Yo-ho! - I got your back.
- Me too, buddy.
Yo-ho! Yo-ho! - There goes my gun - My gun There goes my gun