Heathcliff & the Catillac Cats (1984) s01e47 Episode Script

HEATHCLIFF, HEATHCLIFF,
NO ONE SHOULD ♪
TERRIFY THEIR
NEIGHBORHOOD ♪
BUT HEATHCLIFF
JUST WON'T BE UNDONE ♪
PLAYING PRANKS
ON EVERYONE ♪
THERE'S A RACE
TO BE ON TOP ♪
THE COMPETITION
DOESN'T STOP ♪
HE'S MIXING
WITH THE LADIES FAIR ♪
BEING CHARMING,
DEBONAIR ♪
THE GAME
WILL REIGN SUPREME ♪
AND NO ONE
CAN DENY-Y-Y-Y ♪
HE'LL MAKE
A MYSTERY ♪
AND ALWAYS HAVE
AN ALIBI-I ♪
SO JOIN IN THE JUBILEE
THE CATS ARE GREAT,
THEY'LL ALL AGREE ♪
FINALLY MEETS CALAMITY
THE CAT'S SUPERIORITY
OH O-OH O-O-OH O-OH
O-O-OH OH
OH-OH O-O-OH O-OH ♪
HEATHCLIFF, HEATHCLIFF,
NO ONE SHOULD ♪
TERRIFY THEIR
NEIGHBORHOOD ♪
BUT HEATHCLIFF
JUST WON'T BE UNDONE ♪
YOU SHOULD REALIZE
HE CAN WIN IT WITH YOU
TV announcer: WE'LL
BE RIGHT BACK WITH MORE
OF THE YOUNG
AND THE LISTLESS
AFTER A WORD
FROM OUR SPONSOR.
IS YOUR CAT WELL-BEHAVED,
DISCIPLINED, GOOD-NATURED?
WELL, IF YOUR CAT IS,
HE OR SHE COULD
WIN A LIFETIME SUPPLY
OF KITTY WONKERS CAT FOOD
AND THE STARRING ROLE
IN A TV COMMERCIAL.
MARCY, DO YOU THINK
WITH A LITTLE HELP
HEATHCLIFF COULD
WIN A CONTEST LIKE THAT?
WELL, MAYBE
IF HEATHCLIFF HAD SOME
OBEDIENCE TRAINING
IT WOULD HELP.
LET'S DO IT!
LET'S SEND HEATHCLIFF
TO OBEDIENCE SCHOOL.
HEATHCLIFF
IN OBEDIENCE SCHOOL?
[SLURP SLURP]
GUESS WHAT, HEATHCLIFF?
YOU'RE GOING TO
OBEDIENCE SCHOOL.
N-N-NN-YEOW!
AND WE'RE ENTERING YOU
IN AN OBEDIENCE CONTEST.
PBBBLLLT!
AND IF YOU WIN--
IT'LL BE A MIRACLE.
GRANDPA.
IF YOU WIN, YOU
GET A LIFETIME SUPPLY
OF FREE CAT FOOD.
MMM!
Marcy: AND YOU'LL
BE A TV STAR!
OOH HOO-HOO
HOO HOO-HOO!
OOH HOO-HOO
HOO HOO-HOO!
OH, BOY!
HE'S GONNA DO IT!
HMM.
EH, HOW BAD COULD
OBEDIENCE SCHOOL BE?
[WHISTLE BLOWS]
WELCOME TO SARGE'S
PET OBEDIENCE ACADEMY.
I'M THE SARGE, AND THIS
IS CORPORAL BRUISER.
BRUISER?
EEH HOO HOO
HOO HOO HOO!
TEN
HUT!
OOH HOO HOO HOO HOO!
CORPORAL BRUISER!
OOH HOO HOO HOO HOO!
GRRR!
YOU MUST BE
HEATHCLIFF.
WE'VE HEARD
ABOUT YOU.
WELL
HEATHIE,
ONE MORE MESS UP
FROM YOU,
AND YOU'LL BE PEELIN'
POTATOES.
GRRR!
ALL RIGHT,
FROM RIGHT TO LEFT,
COUNT OFF!
NNN-N-N-NAH
PBBLLTT!
AWOO!
YEOW!
WOOF!
MEOW.
RUFF!
WEE-OOH!
[GRUMBLING]
ROOF RUFF!
ROOF RUFF!
ROOF RUFF!
ROOF RUFF!
ROOF RUFF!
ROOF RUFF!
ROOF RUFF!
ROOF RUFF!
ROOF RUFF!
RU-RU-RU-U-UFF
RUFF!
RU-RU
RUFF!
AH!
UNH!
WHOA!
EEH HOO HOO
HOO HOO HOO!
[GRUMBLING]
DOO DAH DOO-DOO
DAH DOO DOO ♪
DOO DAH DOO-DOO
LA-DEE DOOT DOO
DOO DEE DOO ♪
DOO DEE-DEE DOO
LA-DOO DOOT DOO
DEE DOOT DOOT DOO
STROKE, STROKE
STROKE
STROKE, STROKE
STROKE
STROKE
STROKESTROKE
OOPS.
[GRUMBLING]
ROOF RUFF!
ROOF RUFF!
ROOF RUFF! ROOF
I'LL NEVER
EAT ANOTHER POTATO
AS LONG AS I LIVE.
Bruiser:
ROOF RUFF!
IF YOU CAN'T BEAT 'EM
JOIN 'EM!
ALLEY
OOP!
Sarge: COME ON, HEATHCLIFF,
GET THE LEAD OUT!
HUP HUP HUP HUP!
Sarge: MOVE IT, HEATHCLIFF!
MOVE IT!
YEOW!
HA HA HA HA HA HA HA!
OH, HEATHCLIFF,
I JUST KNEW YOU COULD DO IT!
JUST IN TIME, TOO.
THE FOLKS
FROM KITTY WONKERS
ARE ON THE WAY OVER
TO TEST YOUR
[DOORBELL RINGS]BEHAVIOR.
HELLO. IS THIS
THE NUTMEG RESIDENCE?
IT SURE IS!
I'M IGGY NUTMEG.
HELLO, IGGY.
WE'RE HERE
TO TEST HEATHCLIFF
FOR THE KITTY WONKERS
CAT FOOD CONTEST.
HEATHCLIFF!
IT'S
THE KITTY WONKERS
PEOPLE!
IGGY, IF YOU
WOULDN'T MIND,
WE'D LIKE TO
TAKE HEATHCLIFF
FOR A WALK
THROUGH THE NEIGHBORHOOD
AND SEE HOW HE DOES
IN A REAL LIVE SETTING.
GOOD LUCK, HEATHCLIFF.
HEY, WORDSWORTH,
MUNGO, CHECK IT OUT.
THERE'S HEATHCLIFF.
LET'S ROLL OU
THE WELCOME MATT.
RATS!
WELL DONE, HEATHCLIFF!
HMM
ROTTEN CATS.
DUMB, CRUMMY, STUPID CATS.
WHY, HEATHCLIFF,
YOU ARE JUST WONDERFULLY
WELL-BEHAVED.
DON'T YOU THINK SO,
MR. WOODLEY?
HE MAY BE JUS
WHAT WE'RE LOOKING FOR.
[GRUMBLING]
HEY, THERE'S
HEATHCLIFF!
LET'S STOMP 'IM!
GEE, I DON'T KNOW.
DON'T BE A CHICKEN, SPIKE.
LET'S GO!
OH, MY!
LOOKS LIKE
TROUBLE.
WHAT'S GOING ON?
GENTLEMEN,
A CONFLAGRATION A
THIS JUNCTURE IN TIME
WOULD BE
MOST INJUDICIOUS.
HUH?!
I'M OFFERING YOU
THIS CALCIUM-RICH
YUM-YUM
AS A PEACE OFFERING.
UH, DOES THIS MEAN
YOU DON'T WANNA FIGHT?
PERHAPS WE
COULD SCHEDULE
SOME PUGNACIOUS
RECREATION
AT A LATER DATE.
WHAT DID HE SAY?
[GRUMBLING]
I THINK WE'VE
FOUND OUR CAT!
HOORAY!
HOORAY!
THIS MEANS WAR.
HEY, LOOK,
THE ARMY'S
IN TOWN.
CHARGE!
THIS DOESN'
LOOK GOOD!
ARRR-RAWWRR!
LET'S GET OUTTA HERE!
CHARGE!
YE-E-E-OW!
UNH!
'TEN..TION!
ALL RIGHT, NOW,
WHOSE BLOCK IT THIS?
HEATHCLIFF'S BLOCK,
SIR.
VERY WELL.
AT EASE.
OH, NO!
I LEFT MY BRIEFCASE
AT THE NUTMEG HOUSE.
WE'D BETTER GO BACK
AND GET IT.
HEY, LOOK,
IT'S HEATHIE COMIN' TO
GIVE US SOME MORE BONES.
WATCH THIS, GUYS.
OH, MY, WHAT A MESS!
Woodley:
WHO WOULD DO
SUCH AT THING?
LOOK AT THAT!
HEY, AREN'
THOSE THE CATS
THAT TRIED TO
START A RUCKUS
WITH HEATHCLIFF?
Woman: THEY LOOK LIKE
THEY'VE BEEN IN A WAR.
HYAH!
OOH!
WHOA-OH-OH-OH!
WHOA-OH!
OOP!
EHHEATHCLIFF.
OH, NO!
[WHIMPERING]
I THINK THIS
IS A BIG MISTAKE.
HY--YAH!
WHOA! WHOA-OH!
WHOA! WHOA-OH!
YIKES!
AAH-AH!
OH, NO! LOOK AT THAT!
[WHIMPERING]
IS THAT?
IT COULDN'T BE!
TAKE NO PRISONERS!
RETREAT!
RETREAT!
IT IS!
IT IS.
LUM TEE-DEE DUM
DEE DOO-DEE DOO ♪
DOO-DAH
OH, DOO-DAH
OH LUM
DOO DOO-DOOM
DOO-DEE DUM ♪
WELL, I GUESS THIS
DISQUALIFIES HEATHCLIFF.
YEP! GUESS SO.
WE DO FEEL, THOUGH,
THAT SINCE HEATHCLIFF
GAVE IT SUCH A GOOD TRY,
HE DESERVES THE BOOBY PRIZE.
WELL, THANK YOU.
MAY WE ASK WHAT IT IS?
IT'S A BOOK ENTITLED,
HOW TO TRAIN YOUR PET,
WRITTEN BY
A CORPORAL BRUISER.
[GULP]
OH, NO!
UH, MAYBE A LITTLE MORE
THIS WAY.
THIS WAY, GUYS.
WHOA, MUNGO! HALT.
I JUST SPILLED THE SALT.
AW, BAD LUCK, WORDSWORTH.
BETTER TOSS SOME SAL
OVER YOUR SHOULDER.
HEY!
COME ON, YOU GUYS.
SUPERSTITIONS
ARE FOR MORONS.
ACTUALLY,
I LIKE THE MIRROR
BACK THE WAY IT WAS.
AHH!
BACK THE OTHER WAY, GUYS.
AH! NO, NO, NO, NO!
NOT UNDER THE LADDER.
BAD LUCK.
AGAIN?
OK.
WHUH-UH-UH-UH
OHWAH
OW!
YOUR WORRIES ARE THROUGH.
I KNOW WHAT TO DO.
HAVE NO FEAR,
WORDSWORTH'S
HERE.
NOW YA DONE IT.
BREAK A MIRROR
THAT'S 7 YEARS
OF BAD LUCK.
IT'S ALL MY FAULT.
IT STARTED WITH THE SALT.
THAT'S RIDICULOUS,
WORDSWORTH.
DON'T BE SUPERSTITIOUS.
I THOUGH
IT WOULDN'T MATTER
THAT I WALKED
BENEATH THE LADDER.
THERE, THERE,
WORDSWORTH.WAH!
IT WAS JUST AN ACCIDENT.
HECTOR'S RIGHT.
I'M DOOMED AND STUCK,
7 YEARS
MORE BAD LUCK.
GEE, WORDSWORTH REALLY
TAKES THIS SUPERSTITION
STUFF SERIOUSLY.
HEH HEH HEH HEH!
I THINK I CAN HAVE
SOME FUN WITH THIS.
HEY, WORDSWORTH,
I KNOW HOW YOU CAN
CHANGE YOUR LUCK.
HERE. MAKE A WISH.
HEY, YA GOT IT.
WHAT IS YOUR WISH,
WORDSWORTH?
I WISH I COULD SEE
WHAT MY FORTUNE WILL BE.
SO, YOU WANNA KNOW
YOUR FORTUNE, HUH?
I'VE GOT JUS
THE THING FOR YA.
HEH HEH HEH HEH!
GOTTA TRY OU
SOMETHIN' STRANGE
IF I WANT MY LUCK
TO CHANGE.
WHERE IS IT?
I KNOW IT'S
IN HERE SOMEWHERE.
HERE IT IS!
DUH, WHAT YOU
UP TO, HECTOR?
IT'S A MAGIC PAIL
FOR WORDSWORTH.
HE'S GONNA GET TO
KNOW HIS FORTUNE.
DUH, RIFF RAFF AND CLEO
AIN'T GONNA LIKE THIS.
DON'T WORRY ABOUT IT.
I'M JUST HAVIN'
A LITTLE FUN.
HA HA!
WORDSWORTH,
YOUR TROUBLES ARE OVER.
I AIN'T PLEASED
TO BE TEASED.
WORDSWORTH,
YOU'LL LOVE IT!
IT'S A MAGIC ASTRAL HA
THAT SHOWS YOU
THE FUTURE.
HERE. TRY IT ON.
MY FUTURE LOOKS AS DARK
AS A NIGHT IN THE PARK.
[DRAMATICALLY]
BE PATIEN
AND YOU WILL SEE
INTO TOMORROW!
WHAT'S IN THIS HAT?
DID YOU HEAR THAT?
I DIDN'T HEAR NOTHIN'.
MAYBE YOU GOT THE GIFT,
WORDSWORTH.
TRY AGAIN.
[IMITATING JOHN WAYNE]
WELL, WALK FORWARD,
PILGRIM.
DID YA HEAR IT TALK?
IT TOLD ME TO WALK.
I DIDN'T HEAR NOTHIN',
WORDSWORTH.
[SNICKERING QUIETLY]
I CAN'T BELIEVE
HE'S FALLIN' FOR THIS.
I AM YOUR INNER VOICE.
I WILL KEEP YOU AFLOA
THROUGHOUT YOUR LIFE.
THAT'S GREAT,
BUT I'M THINKIN'
I'M SINKIN'.
HAVE NO FEAR.
YOUR INNER VOICE
WILL GIVE YOU
A BALANCED LIFE.
WHOO! WHOO! WHOO!
WHOO! WHOO! WHOO!
WHOO
WHAH!
[PLOP]
FOLLOW YOUR INNER VOICE,
AND IT WILL LEAD YOU
ONWARDS AND UPWARDS.
YA-A-A-A-AH!
[CRASH]
HEH HEH HEH!
I LOVE HIM,
BUT HE'S SUCH A SUCKER.
[DRAMATICALLY]
THE PATH LIES BEFORE YOU!
GET MILK FOR YOUR
BEST FRIEND HECTOR!
HEH HEH HEH!
HEH HEH HEH HEH!
OOH!
HO HO! HO HO!
[GULP]
YU-YUMMY!
HEY, MY DONUTS!
WORDSWORTH,
WHAT DO YOU WANT?
MY INNER VOICE
WANTS A DONUT.
DUH, MY INNER VOICE
SAYS IT'S HUNGRY.
[CLATTERING]
WHAT IS HE DOIN'?!
I'LL BET ANYTHING
HECTOR'S BEHIND THIS.
WHOO!
[DRUMMING]
OOOOOH!
[DRAMATICALLY]
SOON YOU WILL SEE
YOUR INNER VOICE.
HEH HEH HEH HEH!
THIS IS GONNA BE GREAT.
HEH HEH HEH HEH!
NOW, LIFT UP THE ASTRAL HA
AND OPEN YOUR EYES!
LOOK UPON YOUR INNER VOICE.
OH, DEAR!
WHAT'S MY INNER VOICE
DOIN' OUT HERE?
WHOO!
WHOO!
WHOO-HOOO!
YOU
YOU
WHOO-HOO!
HEY, COME ON, GUYS.
CUT IT OUT.
I THINK THE INNER VOICE
IS OUT OF WORK.
WELL, DON'T JUS
STAND THERE AND COWER,
SHOW US ALL
YOUR MAGIC POWER.
DO NOT QUESTION
MY POWER!
UH, I CAN
MAKE THINGS APPEAR!
OUT OF THIN AIR!
ANYBODY WANT A DONUT?
YES.
[GULP]
AH
MAGIC.
UH, UH, UH, UH
I SEE ALL
AND I KNOW ALL.
UH, ANYTHING
ASK ME ANYTHING!
DUH, HOW ABOUT SOME MILK
FOR THIS DONUT?
TA-DA!
BIG DEAL.
TELL US WHERE HECTOR IS.
UHWELL, UH
TIME'S UP, ACTUALLY.
I GOTTA GO.
WHOO.
OOH
HOO.
YOU'RE
THROUGH
YEEE-AAH!
WAIT!
I CAN'T BE A WINNER
WITHOUT MY INNER.
NOT TOO SHABBY,
HUH?
THINGS AIN'T WORKIN' OU
QUITE THE WAY I PLANNED.
WHOA!
WHAT A DRAG,
IT'S ONLY A RAG.
Cleo: DID YOU
FIND HECTOR?
Wordsworth:
I LOST HECTOR,
AND I LOS
THE SPECTER.
HEY, DON'T WORRY ABOUT IT.
YOU'VE STILL GOT THE POWER
TO CHANGE THE FUTURE.
YOU'RE TRYIN'
TO KID ME.
LIKE HECTOR DID ME.
YAH! OH-WAAH-HOO!
WHOO WHOO WHOO--AAH!
WHOA! AH!
AAH-EHWHUH!
Hector: I CONFESS!
IT'S MY FAULT!
I'M SORRY, WORDSWORTH!
SORRY!
YOU SEE?
BECAUSE OF YOU,
HECTOR WILL BE A GOOD BOY
IN THE FUTURE.
WELL,
THIS ENDING
AIN'T TRAGIC.
'CAUSE THAT'S
REALLY
MAGIC.
HA HA HA!
HA HA HA!HA HA HA!
HA HA HA!
IF YOUR NEIGHBOURS COMPLAIN THA
YOUR PUPPY BARKS CONSTANTLY
WHILE YOU'RE AWAY, IT'S BECAUSE
HE'S LONELY OR BORED.
TO CONSOLE YOUR LONELY PUPPY
WHILE YOU'RE AWAY,
YOU SHOULD PUT AN OLD PIECE OF
YOUR CLOTHES WHERE HE SLEEPS.
IF IT'S COLD, YOU CAN WRAP I
AROUND A HOT WATER BOTTLE.
AND YOU SHOULD LEAVE THE RADIO
ON, OR BETTER STILL,
USE AN ALARM CLOCK.
THE SMELL OF YOUR SCENT AND THE
RHYTHM OF THE CLOCK
WILL COMFORT HIM WHILE YOU'RE
GONE.
CAPTIONING MADE POSSIBLE BY
FOX FAMILY CHANNEL AND
THE U.S. DEPARTMENT OF EDUCATION