Hellfjord (2012) s01e02 Episode Script
Episode 2
You're fired, Salamander.
What is Hellfjord?
Kristoffer Wegelius Tangstad.
Just call me Kobba.
Johanne.
The journalist.
The fishery Hellfish.
Run by a Swede named Bosse Nova.
Very nice bloke.
Salmander?
Come to the fishery.
Things are not as they seem.
Hello?
Helgi Gulfasson?
No
It's Life In The Wild magazine.
No thanks.
Here's a 3 month subscription offer.
What?
No.
Order now and get a fanny pack.
Fanny pack?
Yes, a 3 month subscription
No thanks.
and get 7 issues
Kobba.
Do the crime scene photos, and
put the corpse
in cold storage. OK?
Riina, take photos and
put the corpse in cold storage.
Southerners puke.
Southerner.
I've got no problems
with corpses or the sea.
No, if you say so.
Celeb.
Stop calling me that.
So cute when you're modest.
Get moving, we're working!
Yes, it is
Hi, hi.
It's such a sad day today.
He
He was a very good worker.
-Yes.
-It's always sad.
Do you know who murdered him?
Nobody's said that he's been mur
murdered.
-Could have been an accident. Or what?
-Sure. Absolutely.
I just thought if he
was murdered by cancer,
or heart attack.
I mean, no matter how one dies,
one is murdered by something.
Where were you yesterday?
See anything suspicious?
Yeah, sure no, no.
Yes, I was at home.
Home?
I was at home, watched hockey,
had 3 4 4 pops (beers).
-4 poops?
-Yes.
That's very specific.
It's like this.
Our employees work hard
from 6 a.m. until 5 p.m
then get home at 6 p.m
and nobody's here at night.
6 p.m.
Say, Bosse
Can you give me the tour of this place?
Or what?
Sure, absolutely.
Of course, I can
I can give you a gaydedtour.
-No thanks. The regular tour is just fine.
-OK.
Last man in is a rotten herring!
Bosse?
Yes! 1 0 to me.
Welcome to Hellfish, home to
45 happy workers. Sorry, 44.
Most work in the fish cleaning room.
Fish enter the production line.
Here we clean, penetrate
and we fillet.
Etc you know what I mean.
Here we toss them don to storage.
It's then packed and shipped out to sea.
Looking good.
Everyone's at work?
-Even if a colleague died last night?
-Yes, sure.
What was the name of the deceased?
-Helgi.
-Helgi
Helgi would have wanted that.
So today we work in his spirit.
Yes.
That's a nasty habit, isn't it?
Nicotine.
Trying to quit smoking.
-Why?
-It's a nasty habit.
OK.
Should we move on?
Great work!
So, heres my employees'
dressing room, and
No, I do not have a hidden camera here.
This is the locker of
The name of the deceased?
-Helgi.
-Helgi. Right.
Yes, he was a goddamned
nice bloke.
The whole thing smells of green soap.
Right, sure.
Helga was very hygienic
-Helgi.
-Helgi, sure. Right.
Want to see something else?
Cupboards.
One moment.
Shall we?
-Go on?
-No, I think I'm satisfied.
THE DIARY OF ANNE FRANK.
"All is a shambles with no connection.
I doubt my outpourings
will be of interest to anyone.
An Ugly Duckling's Confessions
will be this work's title."
Funny little book.
A bit boring
when she's in the attic.
-Heard anything about the dead guy?
-No.
I've just written "green soap".
One thing's for sure.
Something's fishy at the fishery.
-Can I offer you a fish popsicle?
-Sure.
That's how good it was.
Give the dog the rest.
-That was really good.
-Shoo!
Don't stand so close, he's eating.
Have you read today's paper?
No.
HORSE KILLER
NEW SHERIFF
Fuck.
Celeb.
Two sides to every story.
No.
It just says Sakariassen
bought a new tractor.
Yes.
Take me to the cold storage.
I want to see the corpse.
Well, this isn't quite
according to the
rule book?
Still some puke on him.
OK, lets begin.
-Must you do that now?
-Yes, I like to multitask.
Fine.
Yes.
The deceased is from Iceland.
His name is Helgi Gulfasson.
Helgi here
died from asphyxiation.
Most likely a cellphone
crammed do.n his throat.
Something under his nails.
Riina.
I can light up his head.
See if I find anything.
Satan, he caught fire.
What do you want for dinner?
Taco sounds good.
Have you slept well?
No.
Me too.
Can I get another place to sleep?
Can't sleep here. Too much sunlight
seeping in. Gives me nightmares.
My little friend
Can't you sleep?
Oh dear, my heart aches
when I hear that.
We'll find something for you.
I'm saying we will find something.
Don't worry about that.
We want our new sheriff
to be happy here in Hellfjord.
Good.
I know about a place.
Yes.
Here lives Auntie Cozy.
Hm?
Auntie?
Auntie Cozy
Are you deaf, or what?
-Auntie Cozy?
-Yes.
Strange name.
She has an apartment, yes,
a little space she rents out.
-Nice?
-No.
Looks like Satan chewed her up
and spit her out.
Fucking cunt.
I meant the apartment.
Is the apartment nice?
Hello?
Hello?
Salmander?
Hello?
Auntie Cozy?
Auntie?
Hi.
Use your hearing aid.
I've pneumonia from screaming.
No, stop kidding, Kobba.
Did you bring the 30 dollars
you borrowed last week?
-A birthday present, you ass monster.
-Oh! Yeah, sure.
It bears interest.
And who's this licorice lolly?
I just told you on the phone.
He's renting a room here.
-Satan's senile beast.
-Oh, thank you, yes.
I can't fucking stay here.
-Hi.
-Hi.
Nesbit Salmander,
acting sheriff in Hellfjord.
Oh yeah.
Well, that's nice.
Oh, what big hands you have.
Welcome to Auntie Cozy.
Perhaps you can show me
the bedroom?
-Yes, I can do that.
-Good.
Does it look OK?
This looks very nice.
No, no. I mean
Does it look OK?
Oops! How the time flies.
I'm off to the post office.
-Closing soon.
-Yes.
Very nice room. Thank you. Bye.
Solvik County Prison.
HORSE KILLER
They're making animal noises
all the time. Horse sounds.
No, it's always like this
at the post office.
Bye.
-To Oslo.
-Sure.
That's 6 dollars.
Thank you
That's enough.
Is this funny?
Hey! This is funny?
Fun to laugh at my horse?
Gunnar?
I loved Gunnar.
Gunnar
was my friend, my
friend.
For ten years I rode Gunnar.
Ten years!
Wipe that ugly smirk off your mug,
you fucking pirate.
Yes.
No, wed better trot along.
I really loved that horse.
Shut up about the horse,
you're not a 14 year old girl.
-Hi.
-Look here.
Miss "I'm great at writing bullshit
stories about others"-journalist.
-Bullshit?
-"Police horse killer in Hellfjord."
-The desk makes the headline.
-The desk, sure. The desk decides.
The desk picked those ugly clothes, too?
And that TV host hairdo?
It's exactly the same story that was
in all the other newspapers.
-And on the radio. And TV.
-What do you want?
I ran the dead guys phone records
with the company's servers.
Any retarded 5 year old can do that.
80% of his conversations were
to Solvik county prison.
Pardon?
Was that Solvik county prison?
What do you mean?
Got a name?
No, all inmates share a common phone,
so that wasn't possible.
Does the desk know about this?
The desk knows nothing.
Only you and I know.
Salmander, I've got an idea.
What if we help each other, and I don't
write anything until the case is solved?
But can I trust you?
I'm a journalist.
If not me, then who can you trust?
That was a joke.
I liked it.
Get a room!
Yes, sure. No.
No, no problem.
Absolutely not.
No, nobody here knows.
Everything's under control.
Yes? No, I promise,
that will not happen again.
No, OK. Good.
Bye.
Yes?
What?
Take your fucking "Life In The Wild" dick
and ram it up your asshole.
What fanny pack?
Kobba?
Kobba.
Kobba!
Yes.
Yes.
Been there all the time?
No.
OK.
I've made up my mind.
I'm going undercover in
the county prison.
Only way to solve the case.
Will be a dangerous mission.
I'm putting my ass on the line.
So it's crucial to succeed
that you do not tell anyone.
My life's at risk.
Ass.
I need a tattoo.
I think we're done.
Remember: Don't put any
sharp objects in there.
Into the body.
But soft objects, like a banana.
And eggplant.
And zucchini.
How can I help you?
-A tattoo?
-Tattoo, sure. No problem.
These are your options.
These are very hot with kidnappers
and such. They dig the skulls.
No.
Murderer: snake, mad dog.
-Devil, spider.
-No.
Robber: guns and shit.
Got anything Aryan?
Aryan? Sure, that's
-Got to be some Nazi stuff, then.
-This one.
Strip!
Hi, Rolf.
Just remain calm.
Got a new roommate for you,
he'll be here for a while.
Put your stuff up there.
Toothbrush and
soap.
Let's go.
The warden wants to speak with you.
Neo Nazi.
Neo Nazi.
Rasmussen, leave us.
Sit.
My name's William Klovberg,
I'm the warden for this little place.
-We spoke on the phone.
-Ah, Klovberg. Right.
Thanks for fixing this at short notice.
One always appreciates helping
the long arm of the law.
That's good.
And nobody else knows that
I'm here as a policeman?
At the institution,
only I know you're a policeman,
and your secret is safe with me.
Good.
Just ask to meet the warden
when you've got all you need, and
we'll get you out on the double.
-I'll get started, then.
-Yep.
Great.
And regarding the food.
Can I choose what to eat?
If I'd like a burger,
or falafel for dinner?
Klovberg?
Klovberg?
Klovberg?
Klovberg?
Klovberg?
Fuck.
What is Hellfjord?
Kristoffer Wegelius Tangstad.
Just call me Kobba.
Johanne.
The journalist.
The fishery Hellfish.
Run by a Swede named Bosse Nova.
Very nice bloke.
Salmander?
Come to the fishery.
Things are not as they seem.
Hello?
Helgi Gulfasson?
No
It's Life In The Wild magazine.
No thanks.
Here's a 3 month subscription offer.
What?
No.
Order now and get a fanny pack.
Fanny pack?
Yes, a 3 month subscription
No thanks.
and get 7 issues
Kobba.
Do the crime scene photos, and
put the corpse
in cold storage. OK?
Riina, take photos and
put the corpse in cold storage.
Southerners puke.
Southerner.
I've got no problems
with corpses or the sea.
No, if you say so.
Celeb.
Stop calling me that.
So cute when you're modest.
Get moving, we're working!
Yes, it is
Hi, hi.
It's such a sad day today.
He
He was a very good worker.
-Yes.
-It's always sad.
Do you know who murdered him?
Nobody's said that he's been mur
murdered.
-Could have been an accident. Or what?
-Sure. Absolutely.
I just thought if he
was murdered by cancer,
or heart attack.
I mean, no matter how one dies,
one is murdered by something.
Where were you yesterday?
See anything suspicious?
Yeah, sure no, no.
Yes, I was at home.
Home?
I was at home, watched hockey,
had 3 4 4 pops (beers).
-4 poops?
-Yes.
That's very specific.
It's like this.
Our employees work hard
from 6 a.m. until 5 p.m
then get home at 6 p.m
and nobody's here at night.
6 p.m.
Say, Bosse
Can you give me the tour of this place?
Or what?
Sure, absolutely.
Of course, I can
I can give you a gaydedtour.
-No thanks. The regular tour is just fine.
-OK.
Last man in is a rotten herring!
Bosse?
Yes! 1 0 to me.
Welcome to Hellfish, home to
45 happy workers. Sorry, 44.
Most work in the fish cleaning room.
Fish enter the production line.
Here we clean, penetrate
and we fillet.
Etc you know what I mean.
Here we toss them don to storage.
It's then packed and shipped out to sea.
Looking good.
Everyone's at work?
-Even if a colleague died last night?
-Yes, sure.
What was the name of the deceased?
-Helgi.
-Helgi
Helgi would have wanted that.
So today we work in his spirit.
Yes.
That's a nasty habit, isn't it?
Nicotine.
Trying to quit smoking.
-Why?
-It's a nasty habit.
OK.
Should we move on?
Great work!
So, heres my employees'
dressing room, and
No, I do not have a hidden camera here.
This is the locker of
The name of the deceased?
-Helgi.
-Helgi. Right.
Yes, he was a goddamned
nice bloke.
The whole thing smells of green soap.
Right, sure.
Helga was very hygienic
-Helgi.
-Helgi, sure. Right.
Want to see something else?
Cupboards.
One moment.
Shall we?
-Go on?
-No, I think I'm satisfied.
THE DIARY OF ANNE FRANK.
"All is a shambles with no connection.
I doubt my outpourings
will be of interest to anyone.
An Ugly Duckling's Confessions
will be this work's title."
Funny little book.
A bit boring
when she's in the attic.
-Heard anything about the dead guy?
-No.
I've just written "green soap".
One thing's for sure.
Something's fishy at the fishery.
-Can I offer you a fish popsicle?
-Sure.
That's how good it was.
Give the dog the rest.
-That was really good.
-Shoo!
Don't stand so close, he's eating.
Have you read today's paper?
No.
HORSE KILLER
NEW SHERIFF
Fuck.
Celeb.
Two sides to every story.
No.
It just says Sakariassen
bought a new tractor.
Yes.
Take me to the cold storage.
I want to see the corpse.
Well, this isn't quite
according to the
rule book?
Still some puke on him.
OK, lets begin.
-Must you do that now?
-Yes, I like to multitask.
Fine.
Yes.
The deceased is from Iceland.
His name is Helgi Gulfasson.
Helgi here
died from asphyxiation.
Most likely a cellphone
crammed do.n his throat.
Something under his nails.
Riina.
I can light up his head.
See if I find anything.
Satan, he caught fire.
What do you want for dinner?
Taco sounds good.
Have you slept well?
No.
Me too.
Can I get another place to sleep?
Can't sleep here. Too much sunlight
seeping in. Gives me nightmares.
My little friend
Can't you sleep?
Oh dear, my heart aches
when I hear that.
We'll find something for you.
I'm saying we will find something.
Don't worry about that.
We want our new sheriff
to be happy here in Hellfjord.
Good.
I know about a place.
Yes.
Here lives Auntie Cozy.
Hm?
Auntie?
Auntie Cozy
Are you deaf, or what?
-Auntie Cozy?
-Yes.
Strange name.
She has an apartment, yes,
a little space she rents out.
-Nice?
-No.
Looks like Satan chewed her up
and spit her out.
Fucking cunt.
I meant the apartment.
Is the apartment nice?
Hello?
Hello?
Salmander?
Hello?
Auntie Cozy?
Auntie?
Hi.
Use your hearing aid.
I've pneumonia from screaming.
No, stop kidding, Kobba.
Did you bring the 30 dollars
you borrowed last week?
-A birthday present, you ass monster.
-Oh! Yeah, sure.
It bears interest.
And who's this licorice lolly?
I just told you on the phone.
He's renting a room here.
-Satan's senile beast.
-Oh, thank you, yes.
I can't fucking stay here.
-Hi.
-Hi.
Nesbit Salmander,
acting sheriff in Hellfjord.
Oh yeah.
Well, that's nice.
Oh, what big hands you have.
Welcome to Auntie Cozy.
Perhaps you can show me
the bedroom?
-Yes, I can do that.
-Good.
Does it look OK?
This looks very nice.
No, no. I mean
Does it look OK?
Oops! How the time flies.
I'm off to the post office.
-Closing soon.
-Yes.
Very nice room. Thank you. Bye.
Solvik County Prison.
HORSE KILLER
They're making animal noises
all the time. Horse sounds.
No, it's always like this
at the post office.
Bye.
-To Oslo.
-Sure.
That's 6 dollars.
Thank you
That's enough.
Is this funny?
Hey! This is funny?
Fun to laugh at my horse?
Gunnar?
I loved Gunnar.
Gunnar
was my friend, my
friend.
For ten years I rode Gunnar.
Ten years!
Wipe that ugly smirk off your mug,
you fucking pirate.
Yes.
No, wed better trot along.
I really loved that horse.
Shut up about the horse,
you're not a 14 year old girl.
-Hi.
-Look here.
Miss "I'm great at writing bullshit
stories about others"-journalist.
-Bullshit?
-"Police horse killer in Hellfjord."
-The desk makes the headline.
-The desk, sure. The desk decides.
The desk picked those ugly clothes, too?
And that TV host hairdo?
It's exactly the same story that was
in all the other newspapers.
-And on the radio. And TV.
-What do you want?
I ran the dead guys phone records
with the company's servers.
Any retarded 5 year old can do that.
80% of his conversations were
to Solvik county prison.
Pardon?
Was that Solvik county prison?
What do you mean?
Got a name?
No, all inmates share a common phone,
so that wasn't possible.
Does the desk know about this?
The desk knows nothing.
Only you and I know.
Salmander, I've got an idea.
What if we help each other, and I don't
write anything until the case is solved?
But can I trust you?
I'm a journalist.
If not me, then who can you trust?
That was a joke.
I liked it.
Get a room!
Yes, sure. No.
No, no problem.
Absolutely not.
No, nobody here knows.
Everything's under control.
Yes? No, I promise,
that will not happen again.
No, OK. Good.
Bye.
Yes?
What?
Take your fucking "Life In The Wild" dick
and ram it up your asshole.
What fanny pack?
Kobba?
Kobba.
Kobba!
Yes.
Yes.
Been there all the time?
No.
OK.
I've made up my mind.
I'm going undercover in
the county prison.
Only way to solve the case.
Will be a dangerous mission.
I'm putting my ass on the line.
So it's crucial to succeed
that you do not tell anyone.
My life's at risk.
Ass.
I need a tattoo.
I think we're done.
Remember: Don't put any
sharp objects in there.
Into the body.
But soft objects, like a banana.
And eggplant.
And zucchini.
How can I help you?
-A tattoo?
-Tattoo, sure. No problem.
These are your options.
These are very hot with kidnappers
and such. They dig the skulls.
No.
Murderer: snake, mad dog.
-Devil, spider.
-No.
Robber: guns and shit.
Got anything Aryan?
Aryan? Sure, that's
-Got to be some Nazi stuff, then.
-This one.
Strip!
Hi, Rolf.
Just remain calm.
Got a new roommate for you,
he'll be here for a while.
Put your stuff up there.
Toothbrush and
soap.
Let's go.
The warden wants to speak with you.
Neo Nazi.
Neo Nazi.
Rasmussen, leave us.
Sit.
My name's William Klovberg,
I'm the warden for this little place.
-We spoke on the phone.
-Ah, Klovberg. Right.
Thanks for fixing this at short notice.
One always appreciates helping
the long arm of the law.
That's good.
And nobody else knows that
I'm here as a policeman?
At the institution,
only I know you're a policeman,
and your secret is safe with me.
Good.
Just ask to meet the warden
when you've got all you need, and
we'll get you out on the double.
-I'll get started, then.
-Yep.
Great.
And regarding the food.
Can I choose what to eat?
If I'd like a burger,
or falafel for dinner?
Klovberg?
Klovberg?
Klovberg?
Klovberg?
Klovberg?
Fuck.