High Maintenance (2016) s04e03 Episode Script

1 WOMAN (SLIGHTLY OFF-KEY): I've been a fool before Wouldn't like to get my love caught in the slammin' door - How 'bout some information, please? - WOMAN: Woo! Woo! You're fuckin' killin' it, girl! Get it! Yas! - Do you really wanna love me forever - MAN: Oh yeah.
When I'm caught in a hit-and-run - (MAN LAUGHS) - Woo! Straight up now tell me Is it gonna be you and me together? Or are you just havin' fun? MAN: Yeah! We are now, Beatrice! - Woo! - Time - (HIP-HOP MUSIC PLAYING) - (INDISTINCT CHATTERING) (DISTANT SIRENS BLARING) Oh, I can't come to the phone right now.
Yo, shut the fuck up and let me in.
When were y'all gonna tell me this was fuckin' goin' down? I'm up there listening to Beatrice start a whole new genre and shit.
You could've came down at any point.
No one was stoppin' you.
Yeah, don't be mad at us, Kee Kee.
I'm not mad at you.
I'm just sayin' like, I would've liked to know.
Well, now you know, you can chill.
Yo, do you think it's kind of weird that Gemma brought her husband? - Yeah, yeah.
- KEESHA: Oh yeah.
- Right? - Yeah, I mean, he does not look like what I thought he would.
- I mean, Gemma's fuckin' hot - THE GUY: No, man! I just thought it was just like jurors only.
- Yeah.
- Know what I mean? He didn't do voire dire.
That's fuckin' weird.
I don't get it.
Ah Dude, I'm gonna miss this shit.
- What? You're gonna miss jury duty? - No.
Nuh-uh.
Mm-mm.
Not me.
Dude, I dunno.
I feel like a free man right now.
Whatever, man.
I just like hanging out with you guys.
Aw.
Well, we like hanging out with you too.
Oh, thanks, guys.
Yo, where should we ash this joint? - In the cup, in the cup.
- We don't wanna get it in your car.
My bad.
I mean, when the fuck did you even get this car, bro? For my birthday.
It's your birthday! Happy birthday! Thank you, man.
- KEESHA: I already told you happy birthday.
- (LAUGHS) Thank you.
That's crazy your parents gave you this fuckin' car! Oh shit, I don't wanna I wanna see pictures of your house, man.
You know it's nice.
We know you got this car for KEESHA: Oh, shit! Oh, shit! - Shit! Oh my God.
Are you okay? - CYCLIST: Yeah, I'm fine.
Maybe you should sit on the corner and just I'm good, man.
- Are you sure? - I'm fine.
THE GUY: You might be in shock! - Aah! - KEESHA: Fuck, man.
She was, like, wearing a green vest too.
- KEESHA: Yeah.
She seemed okay though.
- ROMAN: You didn't see her? THE GUY: No, I didn't see her.
- Is your car okay? - ROMAN: Yeah, it's fine.
It's fine, bro.
- Okay, I'll be up in a moment.
- Yeah? I just gotta take a walk.
Yeah.
- All right.
- THE GUY: Okay, see ya.
- All right.
Let's go.
- ROMAN: Yeah.
Damn, man.
That shit was crazy.
On a positive note, look what I got.
What's that? Sonia's phone? - No! You're childish for that though.
- (LAUGHS) KEESHA: "Please do not offer Liza any big snacks, like ice cream or slices of pizza".
- ROMAN: This is the boring stuff.
- "She does not need them and will never say no to them.
If she's starving, she can have a Larabar, a dairy-free yogurt, or a BjornQorn at home".
A Bjo What the fuck is a BjornQorn? "Her gym teacher is already commenting on her chubby stomach".
- Let me just sho - Hey! Hold on.
"And I don't wanna give her any food slash body issues, but she doesn't do much exercise and is not exactly skinny, so she definitely does not need all those in-between meals".
All right.
We get it.
She's fucked up.
That's fucked up.
Her daughter's literally skinny.
I've seen her.
Okay, look, wait.
This is the good shit.
Ready? I'm gonna show you.
She talked mad trash about us.
- About us? - Yeah, about us.
What's up? The party's out here, I see.
It's in, uh, it's in there.
(BOTH LAUGH) I'm glad you stayed.
I was disappointed when I thought you'd left.
- Okay.
- (LAUGHS) ("ROCK LOBSTER" BY THE B-52S PLAYING) - MAN: What was it? - MAN 2: It wasn't a rock.
- WOMAN: Oh, yeah.
- BOTH: It was a rock lobster MAN: What?! BOTH: Rock lobster WOMAN: Woo! Yas! BOTH: Rock lobster WOMAN: I like this part.
- MAN: Yeah! - WOMAN (LAUGHING): Yeah.
What the hell are you doing?! You're gonna get us kicked out! No, no, you can't smoke in here, honey.
SETH: Do those moves.
SETH: Do the moves.
Do the moves I taught.
Yeah, let's move.
You got it.
Oh yeah.
Okay, this is weird.
Okay, let's do it.
Oh yeah.
Back and forth.
- (MUSIC STOPS) - Sorry.
Sorry, my bad.
- WOMAN: What the fuck? - I pressed the wrong button.
Sorry.
WOMAN: Aw, man.
Come on! - (VOCALIZING) - (CLAPPING) You remind me of a girl That I once knew See her face whenever I I look at you GEMMA: This kiss, this kiss Unsinkable This kiss, this kiss - Yeah - (CHEERING) WOMAN: I love it! Yeah! I'm gonna sing "My Way".
Aw, Newman, you dog.
You know you can't sing "My Way" in the Philippines? It's illegal 'cause, uh, people got killed.
- NEWMAN: You're kidding? - Yeah, yeah.
Apparently, there are these gangs that would go around killing people who sang it poorly, and it got bad enough that they had to make it illegal so, uh - KEESHA: On a cold damp night - Yeah.
- No "My Way" in karaoke.
- I gave myself in that misty light SONIA: You learn something new every day.
- THE GUY: The "My Way" killings.
- Was hypnotized by a strange light Under a lilac tree I made wine from the lilac tree Put my heart in its recipe Makes me see what I want to see Be what I want to be When I think more than I ought to think I do things I never should do I drink much more that I ought to drink Because it brings me back you Lilac wine Is sweet And heady Like my love Lilac wine OSCAR: Here's some cash from the bearded guy.
- Whose is this? - That was Anthony's.
He had the vodka tonics.
Yeah, he had to bounce, but this is his and this is mine.
SONIA: Oh my God, your voice.
You should be doing this professionally.
Thank you! Thank I actually, I do sometimes.
- Do you? - Yeah, yeah.
- I didn't know that! - Yeah Oh my God, you are so good! Thank you.
I really appreciate that.
You're really, really good.
Like, you're really Thank you.
Thank you.
Uh, here's mine.
Uh, how much more do we need? Hey, you were really great.
- Oh, thanks man.
Thanks.
- Really.
We still need 330.
Oh shit.
No, no, no.
I can cover it.
- Are you sure? - Yeah.
Sure.
- SONIA: Has anybody seen my phone? - All right.
Phone.
Phone KEESHA: Hope you guys have a great night.
Get home safe, yes? A phone, uh Oh shit, is this Is this it? - This, right It's this one? - Yes.
Thank you.
- Yeah, no problem.
- Thank you.
- Oh my God, I gotta text my babysitter.
- You going over the bridge? Yeah, yeah, I want to come with you guys.
- If you don't mind.
- Come on.
- Okay.
Bye, everybody! - (LAUGHTER) - See ya! - Bye! (ALL CHATTERING) - Group four! - OTHERS: Group four! Yes! - Want a ride? - Uh, yeah.
Yeah.
I just need to go pee, and then I'll meet you outside.
- WOMAN 1: Really? - WOMAN 2: I know.
She's been drinking wheat beer all night.
WOMAN 1: Celiac my ass! WOMAN 2: If she really had celiac she'd be in the bathroom every 10 minutes (TOILET FLUSHING) Bro, we literally just gave you a stack of cash.
Just go to the back and check.
I swea - We literally just - What's goin' on? They're tryin' to say we didn't pay, man.
Oh, word? The Australian fuck put in all the rest of the money.
- I fuckin' know, dude.
Go ask - We all saw the money.
Yeah Dude, that guy.
That guy was in the fuckin' room.
Bro, can you just tell them that-that we paid? - Just tell them.
- KEESHA: What's goin' on? - What the fuck, dude? - Like, how do you even I don't understand how this is They took money.
- Yo! - Are you kidding me, bro? You know that's a fuckin' lie! They were smoking marijuana.
- KEESHA: Yo! - Okay, okay.
Thank you, guys.
Thank you.
- I can barely afford rent.
- Yeah - Bro, just move.
- I don't understand MANAGER: The cops are coming.
- Run! Run! - Run, front door! Go, front door! I'll do the back! - This place is like a maze! - Go, go, go.
ROMAN: Go back! Move! Move! Move! I swear to God, I'm gonna fuckin' make you move! Fuck! Shit.
- Shit.
Where are we? - KEESHA: Your car! ROMAN: Fuck.
Come on.
Go, go, go.
Oh, fuck! The keys are in the jacket! - Are you fucking kidding me?! - Aw, fuck.
Go, go! Just keep going.
Fuckin' go! - (HONKING) - (TIRES SCREECH) (SHOUTS INDISTINCTLY) ROMAN: Go, go, go.
Motherfucker.
Hey, what the fuck?! Hey! Dude, let go of me! What the fuck, dude! Let go! - Motherfucker, get the fuck - KEESHA: Get him! - (BOTTLES CLATTERING) - Roman, don't hurt him! Let's go! ROMAN: Shit.
Go.
Go, go! KEESHA: There's a cab.
Let's get it.
Hi.
How you doin'? Uh, we're goin' to the Bronx, actually.
238th and Oh shit! Come on.
- No, no, no.
- Just drive.
Don't take them.
They took money.
No, he's lying.
We didn't take anything.
We swear.
- Get out of my car! - Please, drive.
That guy's insane.
Get us away.
- Come on! - DRIVER: Get the fuck out of my car! Are you fucking kidding me?! - Let's go! Go, go.
- Go.
Let's go.
MAN: Run for it! (SPEAKS INDISTINCTLY) MAN 2: Whole world's gone.
ROMAN: Does no one love you, bro? Is that what's up? Seriously man, what the fuck's your problem? What's my problem? What the fuck's your problem? Bro, I don't have a fucking problem.
Bro, you're the one with the problem.
You're chasing fuckin' innocent people all over the city.
All right, dude, look, I-I know that shit's not gettin' service here, okay? You don't wanna do this all night, right? Is this like a date? Like a romantic night we're having? You wanna hold hands? - Bro, don't you have like - KEESHA: Are you free? a wife and kids to go home to or something? KEESHA: 238 and Broadway.
We can do this all night, man.
- KEESHA: Great.
- (CAR DOOR CLOSING) Hey, what the fuck? Hey (SIGHS) Opal, I never knew you at all A service on the side - FREDDIE: Hey, hey.
I'm here.
- Finally.
- Sorry.
- We gotta hurry, for real.
Yeah, I know.
I'm going as fast as possible.
VIOLET: No, you're fine.
As long as we're out of the door in like 10 minutes.
Ten minutes?! The G was so fucked, and I had to buy these fucking shoes.
And my phone died.
- Ooh.
- On the train.
- Uh-huh.
- Yeah, so You don't even care.
Oh.
Wow.
Great.
- You got a pedicure, that's awesome.
- Not for this.
We've gotta go, for real.
- Okay, for real, I'm hurrying.
- (FAUCET SQUEAKS) - You cannot take a shower! - What?! I fucking stoink! - You don't want It's bad.
- Well, someone is going to love that.
No.
Who's gonna love it? And what am I wearing tonight? - I laid this out for you, remember? Come on.
- (GRUMBLES) - Hi, Tess.
- (VIOLET SCOFFS) Sorry I didn't put the bed away.
I know.
I'm gonna take care of it though.
I hate it when you go - (VIOLET SCOFFS) - What's her fuckin' problem? God damn.
Forbidden woes VIOLET: I really hope this one guy isn't there, - but, of course, he totally will be.
- Who? This very tragic, very red, Guy Fieri-esque-like dude.
But just like only his style reference 'cause he's like so shy.
Is he nice? I don't know.
I feel really bad for him.
- Oh.
His breath.
I can't - (LAUGHS): Yeah.
It's very like "Has Hillary Hopkins had her honeymoon?" It's like (COUGHS) nasty.
This is it? - I'm gonna tell you something right now - We should go in though.
FREDDIE: Rachel Zimmerman had her bat mitzvah here, - and she nailed the haftorah.
- VIOLET: Aah, I'm dead.
- Oh, you should put on your shoes.
- Oh, okay.
Hi.
Is it too early to order a drink? Oh, fuck! I should have smelled these before.
- They smell like shit.
- Well, someone's gonna - Don't say someone's gonna love it.
- Someone will! - GEMMA: Hi, Cherry! - Oh, by the way, I go by "Cherry" here.
FREDDIE: Are you fucking serious? Hey, Gemma! Hey, how are you? GEMMA: God, I've been on jury duty - for about ten years.
- VIOLET: Oh, my God.
(MUTTERING): Don't wait for me.
It's fine.
I'll just Okay, okay.
(MUTTERING): Goin' in.
Okay - Hey.
- Hi! Oh, I recognize you.
You are so much taller in person.
- You're gorgeous! - Oh, thank you so much.
I-I never hear that, that I'm taller in person.
- Ah! Cherry pie! - Oscar! (LAUGHS) Oh, you look bloody amazing.
- Doesn't she? - (LAUGHTER) Now I'm just sad I didn't get the chance to interview you personally.
(LAUGHTER) And, you (OSCAR MOANS) (GEMMA MOANS) Oh, okay.
Okay.
We're gonna have a fun night, right? - Yeah, yeah.
- (LAUGHTER) Woo! I'm so excited! Yeah, you remind me of butterfly doors Waist tight with a body like gold Hit you with the Doug E.
Fresh pose Rick James, "Super Freak" What you know about those? Yeah Why you came with it then? Don't look, don't touch Don't play with it then, yeah You don't gotta think like that How your man sold things - Having a good time? - Yes! You could ride the wave if you wanna, woo! Spend a couple of days, you can stay if you wanna, uh! - Oh yeah? - Go on spend the night, night with a This a first class flight, don't fight with a nigga, yeah - Woo! - She a freak, she a dancer She gon' pop it on camera - Woo! - Throw it back if you nasty Bounce it like it's elastic Go 'head, break it down real low Go 'head, break it down real low Go 'head, break it down real low Stop playing with it, red light, green light, go MAN: Oh, you are smelling very, very good today.
- Pretty face with a body like "whoa" - Woo! Hit it with the lava lamp on Catch a cab, pack a bag With your overnight clothes, yeah You could look good for a living, come chill for a while What's good for a minute, yeah - I'm just trying to get a taste 'fore I get it - MAN: Thank you.
Like this, like that, this like that Pretty Coke-bottle-frame hoes, Hey! (INDISTINCT CHATTERING) - Oh my God, hey.
- Hi.
(QUIETLY): Oh! I wanna go.
- I'll see you around.
- Yeah.
(LAUGHS) Freddie Giordano-Roth? - VIOLET: Excuse me, what? - (LAUGHS) - My God - Oh, my God, Eddie.
- Yeah, hey! - Hi! - Wow.
- How are you? - Um - How is your mom? Uh I don't I don't talk to her anymore.
Well you look the exact same.
I hope not.
Um I dated Freddie's mom from 1998 to 2003.
- Well, 2004 actually.
January of 2004.
- 2004.
Memory on you.
Whoa! - (LAUGHTER) - That's insane.
I don't know that I'd call it insane.
I don't mean like insane.
I'm just saying crazy scenario.
Yeah, I guess this is kind of crazy.
Wouldn't you say, Eddie? Wow, I'm-I'm sorry.
I'm just blown away.
This is your roommate Freddie.
- Yes.
- Holy shit.
- The world is really so small.
- Yeah.
Is Eddie the one who used to cut the squares out of the carpet when the dog used to shit in the house? No.
That was the guy who - helped my mom set the house on fire.
- Ah.
- Eddie proposed to my mom twice, he's that one.
- Ugh! Also, he used to drive with two feet.
(BAD IRISH ACCENT): Oh, that's entirely fooked, mate.
(BAD IRISH ACCENT): Almost as fooked as me friend gettin' her toes sucked by me almost dad.
Many times, mate.
Hate to say it.
(NORMAL VOICE): Many times? Really? - I told you that.
- (PHONE CHIMES) I don't know.
I think I just liked him 'cause our names rhymed.
(DISTANT SIRENS BLARING) Oh, shit.
He texted me.
He has your number? Oh like we've hung out before.
You've hung out before? You've hung out before? You've hung out? With him before? Aah! Don't look at me like that! - I needed the money! - What? I needed the money.
- Oh - (CLEARS THROAT) Okay, he's asking me if Freddie and I would be interested: "I have a way for you to make some extra cash.
I'm leaving town and am in desperate need for a cat slash plant sitter".
Uh, I'm thinking about you fucking him.
I'm sorry.
Well, he'd obviously pay us.
And he's just saying like to feed the cat, and he has this special orchid that needs misting.
That's right.
He does have a lot of plants in his house.
You've been to his house? You know what? I'm just sayin' we're gonna do it because he's gone for like two weeks.
Wait.
We're gonna stay over at his house? Yes, stupid! - Yeah, oh, oh! - All right.
Okay.
(GIGGLING) This is like a really crazy bathroom.
You can really have all your friends in here with you.
Yeah, I know.
It's like a locker room in there.
Yeah.
I really wanna try one of those urinals.
I have before, and it went all over the place.
- Hmm - It's crazy you spent your childhood here, man.
Oh.
Only a few years.
And most of it was spent in the corner, murdering Sims in the pool.
- THE GUY: Murder.
Love those pajamas.
- (LAUGHS) - Oh, thanks.
They're Eddie's.
- THE GUY: I figured.
Thank you for the introduction to Halls again.
- Oh my God.
Take as many as you want.
Please.
- VIOLET: Of course.
Remember that commercial where he's like Aah.
- My throat! - Yeah.
- Yeah.
(LAUGHS) - All right, see ya later.
Bye! Thank you.
THE GUY: Yeah, thank you.
No, thank you.
FREDDIE: I suck at rolling joints, so you know.
TV ANNOUNCER: 80,000 pounds of potatoes, 23 times more than the average American.
Because of her aversion to other foods, Kelly even eat (REMOTE CLICKS) Hey, would you wanna watch like Leaving Neverland with me? I've really always wanted to watch it, and just like, I've never been in the right head space Yes.
Why did we do that? I'd be down to do the Oprah special, though.
There is no fucking way in hell I'm doing that Oprah special.
Like I need like a Queer Eye or something.
You don't wanna delve right in? I feel like it's fresh still.
No.
FREDDIE: I can't believe you've already slept here.
VIOLET: Well, yeah Someday you'll get over it.
- FREDDIE: I'm done.
- (BOTH LAUGHING) I feel sick.
- Jeez.
- Oh.
- I wanna try.
- Go for it.
(LAUGHS) Look at me.
Isn't this cool? (LAUGHS) - Oh fuck.
- (LAUGHS) (HEAVY OBJECT SLIDES) Black box, under the bed.
- VIOLET: Okay, I'm listening.
- (LAUGHS) - Oh photos, shit.
- There's Portugal 2016.
Writing on a napkin.
He's artsy.
All alone.
- Hmm - VIOLET: Okay, snoozing.
- Next.
- Yeah, there's nothing of interest.
Okay.
Shit.
Luca.
2010.
- (GASPS) - Mm Mm-mm.
This is not looking so good.
I know.
I don't like this.
Do you think We're dealing with - A pedo? - A pedo.
Do you think? I mean, honestly, I truly can't tell you.
I am so warped from this day.
- Look at this kid's Sorry.
- I won't I'll never look at a kid's photo the same ever again.
You should look at this one where the kid's legs are spread wide open, and he's sitting with the man whose house we're in.
I mean, maybe that's normal.
I have no idea.
I've never been close to a kid as an adult.
There's more from his baptism.
Eddie has sisters.
- Right.
- I forgot.
- So Luca is his nephew.
- Yeah.
Definitely.
Here's a woman with with Luca.
(LAUGHS) You know what they say? People have to fuck their nephews.
It's true.
Maybe we're the perverts for thinking this is perverted.
You're missing company retreat.
No, that's all you.
VIOLET: Fuck.
That movie's got me twisted.
(SIGHS) VIOLET: I'm actually so good at this.
Hmm, maybe not.
- Hey, so, um - Wait, what is that? Come here.
I thought that all of these were gone.
In the fire.
- No - But, um Yeah, like, I've never seen these before.
Oh, a baby picture of you.
(LAUGHS) You're so sweet.
And that dog.
(CHUCKLING): Oh You still make that face.
(LAUGHS) I'm really, really sorry.
But I have really bad dry mouth, - and I really need a glass of water.
- Yeah, yeah.
Go.
- Do you want one? Okay.
- No.
(SNIFFLES) I can't believe they've been fucking on top of your baby pictures.
(SIGHS) Oh my God.
Freddie, you have to come here.
- Please - What? No, just come here now.
I'm coming.
What? What's going on? - (VIOLET LAUGHS) - What is it? - (LAUGHS) - FREDDIE: What? - Ugh.
I'm coming.
- (LAUGHS) - Oh, what the fuck?! - (LAUGHS) Do you remember when I had to take an Uber home 'cause someone took my shoes? - My Margielas.
- (LAUGHS) Oh my God, he loves feet.
- I know.
- He loves them! (LAUGHTER) Holy shit, I like these.
Those are cute And they're my size.
- And now they're mine.
- (LAUGHS) Oh my God, did you not see these yet? - A clown boot.
- Oh, oh, oh.
My dude! It's a tap.
(LAUGHS) It's a tapping da Aw, fuck.
(LAUGHS) (LAUGHTER) FREDDIE: Oh my God.
(LAUGHTER) Hello.
Thank you for being here today to participate in the work of the New York State courts.
Your jury duty may be the most important civic role you perform, outside of the voting booths, as a participant in this great democracy.
And by the way, I think you'll find it a fascinating experience.
Here in New York, with our system of checks and balances, it's the responsibility of the state as represented by the prosecution to present the evidence against any person accused of a criminal act.
It's the work of the grand jury, you people sitting right here today, to review that evidence and determine whether that accusation is legally justified.
(COUGHS) The presentations you'll hear from an assistant district attorney may include homicide, robbery, grand larceny, narcotics crimes, possession of stolen property, rape, sodomy, assault, arson, kidnapping, burglary, possession of weapons.
Practically, the whole spectrum of the criminal law.
If any of us found ourselves accused of a felony, we would hope to have an engaged, fair, impartial grand jury of New Yorkers, like you reviewing the prosecutor's evidence against us.
As grand jurors, you are now part of the criminal justice system.
Your mission is twofold.
On one hand, to use your power as grand jurors to investigate crimes, to hand up an indictment when sufficient evidence exists to do so.
On the other hand, when evidence is insufficient, to protect people from an unfounded criminal accusation by not handing up an indictment.
We could not preserve the rights of both defendants and victims in our system, protect public safety, and insure that police and prosecutors made their obligations without the participation of jurors like you.
Thank you for your participation in the pursuit of justice.
[BRIGHT TONE.]
(DYNAMIC INSTRUMENTAL MUSIC) Oh, I don't want my face on YouTube.
No? But you're such a natural! Look, you're like a young Elliott Gould.
What movie? - - (LIGHTER CLICKS) (BOTTLE CAP POPS) And I'm keeping this.
Thank you very much! WOMAN: The white ones.
That's bad luck.
You smoke weed? (MUSIC ENDS)