Hilda (2018) s01e07 Episode Script

Chapter 7: The Lost Clan

1 - [birds chirping.]
- [theme music playing.]
Hilda [woman vocalizing.]
To earn the Botany badge, we need to identify and collect samples of ten local plants.
Here are your itineraries.
Item one: check the weather forecast.
Hilda? Roger that.
- [radio turns on.]
- This is Victoria Van Gale of the Greater Trolberg Meteorological Bureau.
On the west side of the city, expect those showers to continue for approximately five seconds, followed by clear skies through the weekend.
Three, two, and one.
That woman is amazingly accurate.
Forecast acceptable.
Shall we? - Bye, Mum.
We're heading to the park.
- Oh, I almost forgot.
I made cucumber sandwiches and peppermint iced tea for your trip.
Oh, thank you.
Come on! We're already falling behind schedule.
I chose this area for maximum efficiency.
All the plants we need should be within this half acre.
I found crab grass and crab grass.
And crab grass! We only need one, David.
Dandelions, purple thistle.
These are all just weeds.
They fulfill the requirements.
That's what's important.
Come on, earning these badges isn't just about filling out paperwork.
It's about having new experiences, adventures.
Why can't we look for a petaled manivore? Or a struggling snake vine? Or Oh! One of these? Because none of those are in the city, especially not the blue nettle.
- It's very rare.
- That's not true.
I've seen one.
What? That's impossible.
No, seriously.
But Frida's right.
We should probably leave it alone.
It's haunted.
You saw a ghost! Yes.
Well, no.
I heard one.
Several, really.
They were talking about the weather.
A rare flower, conversational ghosts.
We have to investigate! Uh, we should really focus on earning the badge.
If we find a blue nettle, we won't just earn the badge, we'll earn it with golden wings.
All right, I'm in.
I would have never come here on my own, but I was following a very interesting rabbit.
And listen.
[voices chattering.]
- See? I told you.
- Come on.
I'll wait here.
That's nothing.
It's probably just some sort of weird echo - Wait! - [gasps.]
- What? What is it? - It isn't an echo or ghosts.
It's elves.
[chattering continues.]
I don't see anything.
That's because you haven't filled out the proper paperwork.
We came all this way.
I'm not going to let tiny, invisible men stop me.
Careful! They look wild.
[horn blaring.]
What was that? Attack! [elves shouting.]
Ow! I've been hit! [grunts.]
They're attacking! I gathered.
Defend the clan till your last breath! - [birds chirping.]
- [kids grunting.]
Run! [grunting.]
[all grunt.]
Oh, hey.
It's the rabbit I saw.
Charge! [elves shouting.]
Those aren't just rabbits.
Ah! [grunting.]
Oh, cruddlesticks.
Uh, guys? [both panting.]
We should have just stuck to crab grass.
Wait! - Where's David? - We have to go back for him! Ow! You can't even see them.
We need to ask for help.
You may have to fill out some forms.
- Sign there, and there, and there.
- Oh, smudged it.
You're sure it was elves? Positive.
That seems impossible.
I'm the only elf in Trolberg.
Unless Unless what? Oh, hello.
There you are.
That's what kidnapped David? S Sort of.
They were hairier.
Unless you've discovered the Lost Clan of the Northern Counties! Oh, this is fantastic news! - Finally, the contracts can be signed! - Finally! - Wait.
What's he talking about? - I'm not actually sure.
Alfur, what contract? Oh, it is a thrilling tale.
Is it also a short tale? They have our friend.
Oh, right, yes.
Of course.
Well, I don't want to deprive you of the drama, so I'll tell you on the way.
- What do we do now? - I don't know.
We've never taken a human prisoner before.
Do you think he knows there's a bug in his hair? Hilda? Frida? Anybody? Our tale begins in the time of the first elves.
Two elf families met at dawn on an ancient plot of land.
Their purpose: to execute a real estate contract.
Wait, is this a story about paperwork? Oh, yes.
Most elf legends are.
The Aldric family wished to buy a parcel of their land.
And the Bragga family, well, they wished to sell it.
This was one of the oldest and most valuable plots of land in all of elf-dom.
The revisions were fierce.
Clauses were included, terms were terminated.
The amendments alone took an entire day.
Finally, many drafts later, it was finished.
A masterwork of mutual obligation.
Both families signed in triplicate and took it to the king for his approval.
Then disaster struck.
The king realized the Bragga, the sellers, had only signed twice! [all gasp.]
- You're supposed to gasp now.
- [gasps.]
Really? That's all? You don't understand! In those ancient days, it was treason to bring an unfinished contract before the king.
He exiled the Bragga family on the spot.
With the contract technically unfinished, the king declared the plot [Elf King.]
No Elf's Land! [Alfur.]
It remains untouched, neither bought nor sold, to this very day.
The laws are much fairer now, of course.
If a Bragga signs this contract, their exile will be over.
But, unfortunately, nobody's been able to find them for generations.
And it's going to stay that way.
- You were right.
They are hairier.
- Let me talk to them.
Hello! I am Alfur of the Northern Counties.
Are you the Lost Clan? - [elves shouting.]
- Hmm.
[shouting stops.]
Some call us that, yes.
I am Bartell, leader of the Bragga family.
- [growling.]
- It's all right, Twig.
Really? Oh, then I have fantastic news.
Your exile is over! [elves gasping, murmuring.]
Oh, that's great.
- That's great! - Yes! - All you need to do is sign this contract.
- [Bartell.]
No! After being exiled, our family swore off paperwork forever.
A Bragga will never sign another document, not even a receipt.
[all shouting.]
No paperwork? But but how do you keep track of everything? Of offers, of acceptance, of, of terms? Well, it's simple.
We keep our word.
And when we don't, we enter combat! [roars.]
Yeah, come on! - Combat! Yeah! - [elves shouting.]
Aw! Adorable, yet fearsome.
Please, it, it's just one signature.
What's your interest here? Oh, I'm just a good Samaritan, trying to help where I can.
It's more than that.
You [gasps.]
You're an Aldric, aren't you? Uh yes.
Yes, I am.
[all shouting.]
Alfur, your family tried to buy No Elf's Land? They did, and thereby are responsible for our exile.
Well, that's hardly a fair interpretation.
You must suffer for your family's crimes.
There must be combat! [elves shouting.]
You will not leave this land until you take on all ten of our rabbit warriors, including Agnes.
But I don't even know how to ride a rabbit.
- Hi, Agnes.
- [Hilda.]
Don't worry, Alfur.
Nobody takes our friend without a fight.
Bring it on, you bunnies.
Hold on! Everybody calm down.
Contracts always have loopholes.
There must be another solution.
Give us a day.
Let us see if we can find a solution that makes everybody happy.
Hmm Your offer is acceptable.
Also, if we succeed, we want the blue nettle.
Just, just a clipping.
But we're holding on to the boy to make sure you all come back.
That's all right with me.
I imagine it will be safer than whatever you end up getting into.
I'll just stay here with the invisible ant men.
We are not ant men! Um, if you want, I could make you visible to him.
- It just takes a bit of paperwork.
- [all.]
No! [laughs nervously.]
Never mind.
[mouthing words.]
You elves are thorough, aren't you? Mm.
What are you all doing? I thought you were out looking for plants.
We were.
But now it seems we're reviewing a miniature contract for loopholes.
Ah, I see.
Oh! How about this? "An elf contract is null and void if destroyed by the fire of a lindworm.
" So we need to find a lindworm.
- Now that's an adventure! - Mm-mm.
They put that clause in every contract.
It doesn't actually mean anything.
Lindworms are very rare and very paperwork averse.
- Heh, it's like saying, "When cows fly.
" - You mean pigs.
Oh, no.
That happens with some regularity.
Do we have any better ideas? So, where do we start looking for a lindworm? I kind of hoped we'd be setting out into a deep, dark forest.
The library is a forest for the imagination.
And research, the greatest adventure of them all.
I like him.
Found it! Lindworms: Habitats and Hideouts, volume 27, section 3.
I love a good subject-based classification system.
"Lindworms are notoriously antisocial creatures and most fled during the construction of the city.
At last report, only one lair remained in all of Trolberg.
" Well, where is it? [Frida.]
According to the key, the lair should be right here.
- The lindworm lives under water? - Uh, well, not exactly.
We could swim it.
I may have a solution.
- I need a conch shell and a tide chart.
- [Frida.]
There's one in the Sparrow Scout's Guide.
All right, let's see.
High tide at dusk.
Very good! [clears throat, inhales.]
[inhales, sputtering.]
Would, would you mind? Sorry.
Tiny lungs.
Give it kind of a "ooo-eee-whah.
" [chuckles.]
[horn blaring.]
What exactly am I looking for? - Ah! - [whimpers.]
Whoa! [Hilda.]
It's a water spirit! We were hoping you could give us a ride to that island out there.
It's okay, Twig.
- We'll be back soon.
- [grunts.]
[upbeat music playing.]
Fish are jumping Guess they're hunting 'Cause every now and then They catch a fly or something Down by the singing sea [sighing.]
So, tell me, what do you What do What do you usually do when you're a hostage, eh? - This is actually my first time.
- Oh, ours, too.
Ours, too.
Also, I'm over here.
Eh, did you know there's a bug in your hair? While you're sleeping I float between the waves All right, according to the book, signs of a lindworm lair include disturbed foliage, overturned earth And high plumes of smoke? Yes, exactly.
How did you? [Frida.]
It's a garden.
[wind blows.]
Come on.
Whoa! Look at the flora! Whoa, I think this might be a petaled manivore.
- [gasps.]
- What? [Frida.]
Whoa! That's a lindworm? [Hilda.]
What were you expecting? - A worm.
- Look.
Its nostrils.
This is perfect.
We don't even have to wake it up.
We can just hold the contract in front of its nose and, poof, problem solved.
Do you really think this is a good idea? It feels a tad dangerous.
It won't take a second.
Just watch.
For No Elf's Land.
[lindworm growls softly.]
Come on.
[all screaming, whimpering.]
Why are you sneaking up on me in my sleep? Uh, sorry.
We were just [lindworm.]
Oh, of course, another elf looking to get out of a contract.
What is it this time? Short-term lease? Non-disclosure agreement? [girls shout.]
We just wanted a puff of fire.
Well, I'm tired of giving away my drake-given talents for free.
Maybe if I devour you lot, everyone will finally get the message.
Um [stammering.]
Who said anything about free? Excuse me? We're not here to mooch.
In fact, we're very eager to draw up an arrangement that would be acceptable to both parties.
What could you possibly have that would be of interest to me? Uh, well, um Hilda? Oh.
Um Plants! I'm sorry? I gather you have a bit of a, excuse the joke, green thumb.
It's true.
I'm not interested in the googaws the younger, flashier dragon crowd goes in for.
I prefer the real treasures of the earth.
So do we.
In fact, we spent the entire morning collecting some unique, very exciting samples.
Isn't that right? "Exciting" is a strong word.
Frida, show her.
Crab grass? Dandelions? Purple thistle? I've been trying to get my hands on some good urban flora for years now.
I haven't been able to muster up the energy to go back into the city.
My social anxiety is just awful.
Would you part with these exquisite specimens? I'd be more than willing to burn your contract in return.
And not devour us? Oh I suppose.
Can we get that in writing? Sign here, and here, and here.
Very nice.
Thank you.
Right! We're all set.
See? All the best legends involve paperwork.
David, we're back! I'm so sorry it took so long.
Are you okay? Bartell did it.
It's to keep the bugs out.
You know, David is quite the young man.
He has set the bar very high for future hostages.
Now, let me guess.
You have failed to break the contract and have returned for combat! No! Very much the opposite.
That glow.
Lindworm flame? Mm-hmm.
The contract is broken.
Your exile is over! [elves cheering.]
You can finally leave this place and move into No Elf's Land.
"Oh"? [stammering.]
What do you mean, "Oh"? Well, uh, we were so angry about being exiled, we never thought about actually leaving this place.
- The wall is our home.
- But what about No Elf's Land? I don't know.
Do you still want it? Really? You'd cede your ownership rights just like that? No contract, no lease, no anything? Well, we have our own way of sealing deals.
- [folk music playing.]
- [chatter.]
You're right, Bartell.
This is way better than paperwork.
It is quite the spectacle.
Is it okay if I have seconds? We'll have to recollect all new samples tomorrow.
But wasn't that worth it today? A day in which we were attacked by elves, carried by a water spirit, and almost eaten by a dragon? Yeah, I guess it was.
Oh, oh, Agnes is up.
- [music stops.]
- [elves cheering.]
Whoa! Ow! [hawks.]
[elves cheering.]
[music resumes.]
Alfur, a toast.
To contracts! - [music and chatter stop.]
- [cricket chirping.]
To contracts! - [music resumes.]
- [elves.]
To contracts! [Bartell.]
Yeah! [theme music playing.]

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