I Heart Arlo (2021) s01e18 Episode Script


It's original ♪
Like me.
[opening theme music plays]
[Arlo] We all need
Someone to hold us up ♪
To help us on
We make each other better ♪
Though the world's not always right
Tough times, they can make us strong ♪
We all belong
We're beautiful together ♪
We're beautiful together ♪
[dramatic sting]
- [Arlo and Bertie] Hmm
- I'm just not seeing it.
A rich guy who has everything
stealing a package from his son?
- Doubtful.
- Sam the music man?
- [Bertie] Hmm No motive.
- Gordon?
- [Bertie] I don't think he exists, Arlo.
- Ugh!
Who took my package?
Maybe no one took it.
Maybe the package just got misplaced.
No way!
We've got a package thief.
Hmm It's the only explanation.
Edmee sent all these packages to me
because she loves me,
and I was so busy with Seaside
I couldn't even
take a moment to be grateful.
Oh, sweet Edmee,
not even thinking twice
about taking me in as an orphan.
She's the gentlest woman I know.
- [punch lands]
- [dramatic sting]
Unless you're a bear
trying to steal a picnic basket.
Edmee, how am I going to
track the package down
- and get the message you were sending me?
- [punch lands]
[bear groans]
- Rickety-biscuit! That's it!
- What is?
We're going to find Edmee's package
like Edmee would.
- By fighting a bear!
- Nope.
- [in deep voice] By gettin' tough!
- You? Tough?
[in normal voice] You're skeptical.
I like that in a partner.
[glasses clack]
[in deep voice]
Let's go shake down Seaside
[uncertainly] and
shake loose some lies. Yeah.
[scoffs] Okay, if that's
what you feel you need to do.
You want me to pack us a little lunch?
[in normal voice] Yes, please!
[in deep voice] No crust on mine.
Everything for the Un-condemning
must be absolutely impeccable.
Good day, Arlo!
Whatever, pops!
[chuckles] Teenagers.
Excellent angst, son.
- Proud of you.
- Okay, Ansel, what's the emergency?
Ah, yes, I need your opinion.
Which do you think
should be our official topiary,
- dolphin or porpoise?
- [dolphin chirps]
- [porpoise squeaks]
- [Ansel] Hm?
You know,
you don't need to come up with these
complicated reasons just to see me.
Uh, I don't know
what you're talking about.
[chuckles] I don't want to see you at all.
- I mean, I do want to see you. I
- I like the porpoise.
Thank you for your input! [scribbles]
[rag squeaking]
Are you sure tough is the way to go?
- [punch lands]
- [dramatic sting]
I'm sure.
- [hacks, spits]
- [groans]
- [Arlo chuckles]
- [whimpers]
[Marcellus humming]
- [grunts]
- [thuds]
Hey, thanks for helping
with the clean-up, kid.
What can I get you?
I ain't here for libations.
I got bigger fish to fry.
Whoa. Okay, no need for adult language.
What do you need to know?
A package went missing the other night.
You see anything
- [splats]
- suspicious?
Kid, everything I do is suspicious.
Well, did you see
anything suspicious last night?
Come to think of it,
I did see Tony walking alone.
A clue!
Yeah, he had his back to me,
and when I said, "Yo, Tony! What's up?"
He didn't say
[imitates Tony] "Nothing but
the price of mozzarella" like usual.
Instead, he just ran off!
Tony's hiding something.
I don't want to get ahead of myself,
but I bet it rhymes with "mackage."
[dramatic sting]
Oh, good.
Now, how about some fresh fountain water?
Fair warning,
I might have definitely peed in it.
Oh! Thank you!
- Ugh!
- Nope. Nope. Nope.
Oh, right. [in deep voice] Tough.
- I ain't got time for no tea party.
- [clatters]
Time to give Tony a teeny, tiny shakedown.
[chuckles nervously] Thanks
for your help, Marcellus.
Mmm. Come on, Bertie. Be helpful.
Ugh. Nope, that's pee.
You're cleaning up anyway, right?
[chuckles] Thanks again for your help.
[Tony] Eat-a pizza every single day ♪
- Eat-a pizza ♪
- [door chimes]
Every single day ♪
What's up, Tony?
Nothing but the price of mozzarella!
What do you need, Arlo?
I'm very busy staying behind this wall
while I rebuild it on account of
somebody wrecked half the neighborhood!
[in deep voice] Don't try
and turn the spotlight on me!
A little fish told me
you were up to no good last night!
Marcellus just said
he was a little worried about you.
[Tony] What is this?
Some kind of interrogation?
- [tense music builds]
- Mm?
- Hmm.
- [Tony gasps] Wha?
[shuddering] Arlo! Not that!
[Tony] Leave the slices out of this!
Mm. Mm.
[Tony] You monster!
That was a family size!
- [humming] Mm-hm-hm-hm.
- [Tony] Don't!
- [splats]
- [Tony crying] What have you done?
- Just tell him what he wants to know!
- Okay, I'll talk!
[dramatic sting]
[gasps] Oh!
You happy?
Teeny Tiny Tony's got a big, bushy secret.
I was supposed to have my
weekly mustache trim with Furlecia.
Only thing is Furlecia never showed.
Probably because
she was out stealing my package!
- Why would Furlecia want to steal your
- No time for that! Edmee needs me!
Hey, I heard a commotion.
You got a problem here, boss?
Nah, kid. Not anymore.
Go back to hiding
my stacks of forged cash
Ooh, I mean my stacks of earned cashews.
- [dramatic sting]
- [light clunks, buzzes]
Uh, excuse me,
but my hair can only be exposed
to 36 minutes
of full spectrum light per day, max!
Better. What did you want?
[in deep voice] I got a hot pizza tip that
you flaked on an appointment last night.
Maybe life got a little hairy
At first I thought, "Gee,
maybe this is another one of Furlecia's
so-called radical acts of self-care",
which of course is the perfect alibi
for crime!
I couldn't possibly know
what you're talking about!
I'm warm. Is anyone else warm?
[in deep voice] We got ways
of making people talk.
[squeaky wheeze]
[gasps] You keep that dollar-store
mustache comb away from me! [screams]
Tell me why you took that package,
or I'll split those ends
down to the follicle!
You wouldn't dare!
Tell him, Furlecia!
I've seen what he's capable of!
I don't know anything about a package!
I canceled Tony's appointment
because I had to fix up the salon
after the Bessie Wheel incident,
and you should know that!
Why do you think we're in the back room?
[dramatic sting]
[door crashes open]
[pants] Edmee!
You okay?
[yelling] I will never
financially recover from this!
[inhales deeply, sighs]
Okay, I'm fine.
[Arlo] I'd gone through
everyone in Seaside,
and still, it felt like I was missing
something or someone.
Arlo, who are you talking to?
No one.
Look, I get that
you're worried about Edmee.
But is accusing your friends
of being thieves really helping?
I think we should refocus on Seaside,
get things back on track
for the Un-condemning Party
Trying to throw me off the trail, huh?
Maybe I'm getting a little too close
to breaking the case.
I think I found my next suspect!
[gasps] How dare you?
If you're gonna accuse me,
at least draw me cute.
[dramatic sting]
I can't believe you would accuse me
after I spent the day helping you.
I'm so disappointed in you, Arlo.
Fine! Who needs you?
The only thing I need is a suspect.
[thuds softly]
Unfortunately, I've already accused
everyone I know in Seaside
and gotten nowhere with it. Hmm.
An ancient saying dictates that the perp
is always the person you'd least suspect.
- [playing police procedural music]
- [pigeon cooing]
He's much too suspicious to fit the bill.
But who do I suspect the least?
[gasps] That's it!
- [light buzzing]
- You!
[whimsical music playing]
[gasps in regular voice] What?
No! It can't be me.
Ah! The culprit is always
the one you'd least suspect.
No, I love Edmee.
I want to find the package!
Plus I've been with you all day.
Excellent point.
- Still, I can smell the guilt on you!
- [funky music plays]
What? No!
You got so caught up
with your new home in Seaside,
you completely missed
all the signs Edmee was in trouble.
- No!
- She tried to tell you,
but you let her package get stolen!
[stammers] I'm trying to find it!
[in deep voice] How? By accusing
your closest friends of being thieves?
That's not like you, and you know it.
I know. I haven't been myself at all.
It's all my fault.
Who are you?
I'm just me.
- [melancholy music plays]
- And I'm alone.
[doorbell rings]
If you're looking for
a sweet and happy alligator boy,
he doesn't live here anymore.
I mean, technically he does,
but is it really living with no friends
or loved ones to [gasps]
- Wha?
- Thanks! I forgot my keys.
[gasps] Bertie! And Edmee's package!
[sighs] I'm so sorry, Bertie.
- Is sweet Arlo back now?
- [in high voice] Mm-hmm! Mm-hmm!
[chuckles] Good. I missed you.
How did you find the package?
I just went to check
with Thao the mail carrier.
You know, funny thing is,
the package was made out to Alro.
He lives down the block.
Hey, yo, ay!
Who saying my dang name out there?
[woman] Alro! It's my time
to use the listenin' window!
I got five more minutes out here, Bortie!
It's good to have regular Arlo back.
Now, let's find out what Edmee has to say.
[box wheezes]
[gasps] It's a ransom note!
"Dear Alro, we goat Edmee"
"and we wants a ransom!"
You can't just say "a ransom."
- You gotta be specific!
- Oh, oh, right!
"And we wants a pony"
Money! Ask for money!
So I can buy rhinestones
and put 'em on armadillos!
"We would like a ransom of money
- to support Stucky's expensive habits."
- [twinkles]
"Please deliver it to Edmee's shack"
"in the swamp.
Forever yours, Ruff and Stucky!"
"P.S. Thank you
for teaching us that life lesson."
"We've already forgotten it.
You have 24 hours!"
What do we do?
Well, if I was kidnapped,
Edmee would stage a one-woman rescue
and mop the floor with them.
But the Arlo way would be
to get help from my friends.
Except I've been so awful to everyone,
who would help me?
[Tony] Oh, please!
If a crusty mood
is all it takes to end a friendship,
I would've been alone since birth!
Small Tony!
Nothing but the price of
Oh, I mean, hello.
Nothing can stop us now!
We're gonna need supplies.
Rope, snacks, a boat.
Wait! If we all go,
then who'll stick around to make sure
the Un-condemning goes smoothly?
[ship bell rings]
[Ansel] Good luck, son!
I won't let you down!
Uh There is no way
you can handle this without me.
- And I won't let you down, Edmee.
- [gentle music plays]
See you soon.
[closing theme music plays]
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