I Love Lucy (1951) s04e17 Episode Script

L.A. at Last

("I Love Lucy" theme song playing) Oh, look at this.
Isn't it beautiful? Oh, Lucy, I never saw anything like this in my whole life.
Oh! Oh, Ricky, the studio must think a lot of you to get you a suite like this.
Hey, not bad, huh, Fred? Yeah, this is some class.
Did you see Van Johnson? Where? He got in the elevator just as we got off.
That wasn't Van Johnson.
It was, too.
It was not.
Wasn't that Van Johnson that got in the elevator? No, ma'am, that was the house detective.
Well, it looked just like him.
Everybody looks like a movie star to my wife.
Your room is down the hall.
Thank you.
You're welcome.
We'll see you later.
Oh, Ricky, this is so wonderful.
I hope you like your place.
I hope it's half as nice as this.
See you in a little while.
FRED: Bye.
Oh, honey, I can't believe it! We're really here.
And none of this would have happened if you hadn't been so talented, darling.
Oh, at least I know one movie star.
I know you're you.
(laughing) Hey, wait a minute.
I'd better call the studio and tell them we're here.
Where's the phone? Here.
Here you are, sir.
Thank you.
Hollywood's out there! (chuckling): Yeah.
Operator, Hollywood 33449, please.
Ricky, come here.
Just a minute, honey.
Sherman, please.
Lucy, did the boy bring my little overnight bag? Yeah, there it is.
Come here and look, Ethel.
(gasps) Mr.
Sherman, please.
Ricky Ricardo calling.
What's your room like? Oh, it's lovely, but it doesn't have a view like this.
There's the Brown Derby.
(gasping): It is.
Yeah, and Grauman's Chinese Theatre's right up there.
See? Oh, my! Mr.
Sherman, this is Ricky Ricardo.
We just got in.
Oh, yes, we had a wonderful trip.
Thank you.
Oh, by the way Ben Benjamin told me to give you his regards.
He's talking to the studio.
Oh, well, that sounds fine.
Yeah, I'd love to see what the studio looks like.
Uh, the Commissary at 12:00 for lunch.
All right.
I'll see you there.
Thank you.
Well, let's go.
Let's go where? That's his idea of a Hollywood outfit.
Fred, I thought I took that stuff out of the bag in New York.
Well, I put them back in.
I've seen pictures of how they dress in Hollywood and I want to fit in.
I don't want to be conspicuous.
You go take that off.
I am not walking down the street with you in that flowered nightshirt.
Now, Fred, you'd better go change because we're all going to the studio for lunch.
FRED: No kidding? Yeah.
Ricky just talked to the producer.
Well, uh, uh, honey, uh, he-he didn't invite all of us.
Oh, dear.
Me and my big mouth.
I'm sorry, Ethel and Fred.
I thought you were gonna get to go, too.
Oh, darn it.
Well, that's the way the ball bounces.
Well, uh, honey, you're not going either.
Why not? Well, because he just invited me.
Oh, darn it.
Well, that's the way the ball bounces.
Oh, shut up! Honey, this is business today.
Oh, here we are in Hollywood and I don't get to do anything.
What am I gonna do this afternoon? Well, for one thing, I need a clean shirt.
So, why don't you start unpacking? And after the fun of unpacking wears off, what then? Well, I tell you what.
You drop me by the studio, and then you can have the car for the rest of the afternoon and do whatever you like.
All right? I'll go get ready.
Hey, that's a wonderful idea, huh? Well, I suppose we could just drive up and down the streets and hunt movie stars.
Why not? Although tracking them down one by one takes so much time.
I wonder if there's anyplace where they get together in a herd? Well, maybe at sundown, they all gather at the same watering hole.
That's it! That's where we'll go.
ETHEL: Where? The watering hole.
Fellow hunters, we're going to the Brown Derby.
(Ethel gasps) Thank you.
Ooh, it's just like I imagined it.
Well, come on, let's sit down.
I never really thought I'd be here.
Me either.
Come on, let's sit down, will you? All right.
Oh, look.
Eddie Cantor.
(chuckling): Yeah.
Oh, look at Jimmy Durante.
Oh, for heaven's sake.
They've used two frames for his schnozzola.
(laughing) There's Cary Grant.
Where? Right there.
It is.
Oh, you finally saw one.
I have a feeling we've run into a whole nest of them.
Ethel, will you sit down and stop gawking? You're acting like a tourist.
Well, I am a tourist.
Well, get hold of yourself.
Oh look at the salads! Look at the pastries! Look at the prices! Don't worry, Fred, it's my treat.
Ricky gave me the money.
Oh, that's different.
Now I can look at this side of the menu.
WOMAN: Telephone for Gregory Peck.
Gregory Peck-- where is he? I don't see him.
Well, he must be here.
He got a telephone call.
There he is! There he is right in there.
See? Oh, isn't he handsome.
He's smiling.
Awwww! Aah, sit down, will you? Oh, Fred, what's the harm? They're movie stars.
They're used to being stared at.
Well, I guess he's right.
I guess if they come here to eat, they'd like to eat in peace.
WOMAN: Telephone for Walter Pidgeon.
Now, if you two johnny jump-ups don't sit down, I'm gonna eat by myself.
He isn't here.
Why do you have to be such rubbernecks? They're just people like you and me.
I guess we'd better eat, huh? Yeah.
Might as well decide what we want before the waiter gets here.
Oh, boy, I'm gonna have a piece of that.
WOMAN: Telephone for Ava Gardner.
Where? Where's Ava? Fred.
Fred, sit down.
Remember? She's just people, like you and me.
She might be people, but she's not like you and me.
All right now.
Have you decided what you're going to have? Oh.
Well, it's so hard to decide.
Everything is so tempting.
Uh, what is this Derby tossed salad? Anybody knows that, Lucy.
You just take some salad and toss it in a derby.
(laughing) It's a mixed green salad in an oil dressing.
Well, I'll have that, please.
Yes, ma'am.
And then I'd like the spaghetti and meatballs.
Oh, that sounds good.
I'll have that, too.
Yeah, and lots of meat sauce, please.
Yes, ma'am.
I'd like the veal cutlet Marco Polo.
Veal cutlet.
Very well.
Have you been in pictures? No, ma'am.
No? (sighs) Ethel.
Huh? That picture on the end down there-- is that a picture of Shelley Winters or Judy Holliday? The one on the end in the bottom.
I can't see the signature.
I think it's Shelley Winters.
Well, it looks more like Judy Holliday.
Well, what's the difference? Ask that lady in the next booth.
Maybe she can tell.
Oh, for corn's sake.
I'm sorry to bother you, but my friend and I can't see the signature on that last picture.
Is that Shelley Winters or Judy Holliday? Neither.
That's Eve Arden.
Eve Arden.
Oh, what she must think of me.
You touched her! Ethel, what's the matter? Who? William who? (whispering): William Holden, (regular voice): behind you.
William Holden, behind me? Oh, he's dreamy.
(gasping) Oh William Holden.
Move around, please.
Looks mighty tasty.
Oh! FRED: I'm sorry.
If she wasn't pushing me, I could Are you ready to order yet Mr.
Holden? Yeah, Gus.
I'd like to start off with a Uh, a Cobb salad.
Yes, sir.
And, um a cup of coffee.
Yes, sir.
And, uh I don't have another booth, Mr.
It's all right.
You know, they say when they stop looking, that's the time to worry.
Yes, sir.
If I get another booth, Mr.
Holden Don't worry about it.
You know, I sometimes wonder how a person like that would feel if, uh, the shoe were on the other foot.
Ha! Wait a minute, that's an idea.
For once I'm gonna turn the tables.
Let's get out of here.
FRED: Well, I'm not through.
I don't care.
Waiter, check, please.
I'm not gonna leave all this good food.
I can't help it.
Put it in a sack and take it with you.
Thank you.
Thank you.
The script looks fine, John.
Well, good, Bill.
I'm glad you like it.
Oh, Mr.
Holden, Wardrobe had to send your coat out to be cleaned, but they sent this one up for you to wear home.
Oh, good.
Thank you.
How did you get covered with all that pie? Were you on a television show? No.
Oh, by the way, Ricky Ricardo's here.
He wants to show you his Don Juan costume.
Oh, fine.
Come on in, Ricky! Mr.
Sherman, it doesn't seem to me that this is quite the way to I don't think that this is going to work This isn't right, is it? Of course not, Ricky.
Don Juan never wore armor like that.
He was supposed to be a great lover, wasn't he? That's right.
Well, if I ever kissed a girl in this thing, I'd cut her nose off.
Don't worry about it, Ricky.
I'll straighten it out with Wardrobe.
Oh, uh, meet William Holden, Ricky.
Oh? This is Ricky Ricardo, Bill.
How are you, Ricky? Oh.
How do you do, Mr.
Very glad to know Excuse my glove.
Ricky's doing Don Juan for us.
Oh? Say, I, uh, I think that's one of my old suits.
Yeah? Only I hope you have a lot better luck with it.
You see, uh, one day on location, it rained, and on the way back, I rusted shut.
And when they got back, they called me and said, "Come down to wardrobe.
We're opening a canned ham.
" Canned ham-- that's pretty good.
I'll fix it up, Ricky.
Don't worry about it.
Listen, could I use your telephone a minute? Yeah, help yourself.
I'd like to call my wife and have her come over to pick me up.
What number do you want to dial? Oh, uh, the Beverly Palms Hotel.
I'll have Wait a minute, Ricky.
I go right by there.
I can drop you off.
Oh, no, that'll be too much trouble.
It's right on my way.
Are you sure? Sure.
Gee, thanks.
Say, if you're not in a rush, could you stop by for a moment? Sure, I'd love to.
My wife is just dying to meet you.
Ah, here we are, Bill.
Oh, very nice.
Isn't it nice? The studio got it for me.
Make yourself at home.
I'll go get Lucy.
Okay, fine.
Oh, hi, honey.
Hi, dear.
How was the studio? Oh, wonderful.
How was the Brown Derby? Uh, uh, oh, it was just swarming with movie stars.
I bet I saw more stars than you did at the studio.
Well, maybe so, maybe so, but, uh, I bet you didn't bring one home with you.
What do you mean? Well, one of the biggest stars in the whole picture business is sitting in our living room right now.
Who? William Holden.
What's he doing here? I thought you'd be pleased.
I met him at the studio, he drove me home and he wants to meet you.
Well, I don't want to meet him.
Honey, what are you talking about? I-I just don't feel like meeting him right now, that's all.
What's the matter, you sick or something? Yeah, that's it.
I'm sick.
(groaning) You got a headache? Yeah.
Oh I mean Is it your head, or is it your stomach? Well, it sort of jumps around.
Now, uh look, Lucy, what-what's going on? Why-why don't you want to meet Bill Holden? Well I know you're not shy.
Yeah, that's it.
I-I just found out.
I-I'm very shy about meeting movie stars.
You tell him to go away, and I'll see him in his next picture.
Lucy, I don't know what's got into you, but I know this: After Bill Holden was nice enough to drive home and come all the way up here to meet you, you're gonna go out there and meet him.
But I just can't.
Why not? I just can't.
Why not?! Well, he never did appeal to me very much.
He just doesn't send me.
What are you talking about? All I heard all the way across country was "Bill Holden, Bill Holden, Bill Holden.
" Yeah, well, I'm fickle? Come on.
You're gonna go out there and meet him right now.
No! No, Ricky, please! Come on.
No, Ricky, please! Come on.
Well, listen, at least let me fix my face first.
All right, but hurry up.
Finally, they called me and they told me to come out and make the picture.
Well, I certainly want to wish you luck.
Thank you, Bill.
It's a wonderful studio to work for.
Well, that's good to hear.
You want some more coffee? Yeah, a little more and then I'm gonna have to run.
I don't know what's keeping Lucy.
Oh, here she is.
Honey, I want you to meet William Holden.
My wife Lucy.
How do you do, Mr.
Holden? How do you do? You'll have to excuse my appearance.
I just washed my hair and I can't do a thing with it.
Well, uh, uh, uh you want some coffee? Yes, please.
It's very exciting meeting you, Mr.
You're my favorite movie actor.
Well, thank you, Lucy.
I've seen you so many times, I feel that I know you.
You know, I have a funny feeling I know you, too.
Oh? Oh.
Haven't we met somewhere? Oh, no, no.
That's impossible.
Yeah, I guess it is, but, uh, there's something about you that's so familiar.
Oh? Especially around the eyes.
Here's your coffee.
Oh, thank you.
Uh, uh, Bill, what-what's the what's the last picture you made? Well, we just finished shooting The Country Girl with Bing Crosby and Grace Kelly.
Oh, gee, that sounds wonderful.
I hope I get to see it.
Well, I hope if you do see it, you enjoy it.
Oh, well, I'm sure I will.
Would you, uh, like to watch a shoot? What was that? I said, would you like to watch a shoot sometime? Oh! Could I? Why, sure.
Next time we have, you know, something interesting going on, I'll, I'll make arrangements and, uh Anything wrong, Mrs.
Ricardo? My nose itches.
This California sun certainly makes your skin soft.
Um, Ricky, uh, do you know, uh, yet who your costar will be? Uh, no, no, I don't know, no.
They haven't decided that yet.
All they told me was that there was supposed to be five very beautiful women in the picture.
What do you think about that, Mrs? Cigarette? Lucy would you mind telling me what's going on? Well, I guess I might as well tell you.
I went to the Brown Derby today That's it.
That's where I saw you.
The Brown Derby.
She was, um, sitting in the next booth, and, uh, I asked the headwaiter who the beautiful redhead was.
You did? Yes.
I, uh, I wanted to find out your name and come over and tell you that you should be in movies, but, uh, you left before I had a chance.
Oh! Oh, you're just wonderful! Lucy.
Lucy, dear.
Um I don't know what's the matter with her, Bill.
I-I guess she's so excited.
LUCY: Yeah.
She's never been this close to a move star before.
You'll you'll have to forgive me, Mr.
I, I I kissed Bill Holden! ANNOUNCER: Next week I Love Lucy will be brought to you by cheer.
("I Love Lucy" theme song playing) Mr.
Holden appeared tonight through the courtesy of Paramount Pictures.
Others in the cast were Harry Bartell Bobby Jellison, Dayton Lummis, Dani Nolan, and Allan Ray.
I Love Lucy is a Desilu Production.
Lucille Ball and Desi Arnaz will be back next week at this same time.