I Love Lucy (1951) s04e18 Episode Script

Don Juan and the Starlets

("I love Lucy" theme song playing) (doorbell buzzing) Oh, hello.
Here are the extra towels you wanted, Mrs.
Thank you very much.
Lucy? Yeah? Lucy! What? Come here.
Guess who's down by the pool.
Who? Robert Taylor.
No kidding.
Maybe we can see him from up here.
Come over.
Where is he? There he is! Where? See that great big green- and-white-striped umbrella? Yeah.
Well, you see those feet sticking out from under that umbrella? Yeah.
Those are Robert Taylor's feet! Robert Taylor's feet! Yeah, and the rest of him's even better.
No kidding! Well, get your bathing suit and meet me down by the pool.
Oh! Oh, I can't.
Ricky just called and-and he's, uh, he's on his way here from the studio with a photographer.
We're going to take some pictures.
"We"? Are you going to be in them? Well, I didn't get all the details.
But what other reason would they have for taking them here? It's probably one of those fan magazine deals, you know, where they play up the domestic angle: "Lucy and Ricky Ricardo At Home.
" Oh, that'll be wonderful.
Oh, for goodness sake, now, you could have gone into the wading pool until Mommy got there.
I want you to rub this oil on me so I can get a suntan.
Oh, Fred, you'll never get a suntan.
Your skin's just like mine.
It's too fair.
Well, it says right here if I use it, I'll be a golden brown.
You will-- a golden brown blister.
Well, I'm going to give it a try.
Now let's go.
I want to get one more look at Robert Taylor.
He's gone.
He has? Oh, darn it! Now, let's go.
We're wasting that good sun.
Oh, there's no hurry.
Yes, there is.
(doorbell buzzing) They're here already? Does Ricky Ricardo live here? Uh, yes.
Yes, he does.
Well, I'm Dolores Donlon.
The studio told me to come over here to have some pictures taken with Ricky.
Well, won't you come in? Thank you.
Uh, I'm Mrs.
Ricardo and this is Mr.
And Mrs.
How do you do? How do you do? Oh, well, come on.
We're wasting that good sun.
There's no hurry.
Oh, won't you sit down? Thank you.
(doorbell buzzing) Hello.
Is this the Ricardo apartment? Yes.
Well, the studio said to come up and have some pictures taken.
Oh, hi, Dolores.
Hi, Maggie.
Did they call you for this, too? Yeah, but I don't know much about it.
Me either.
The studio just said to go over and have my picture taken with Ricky Ricardo, whoever he is.
Oh, haven't you met him? He's a handsome Latin with an accent.
He's the end.
Really? The living end.
Uh pardon me.
I'm a little confused.
What kind of pictures are they taking? Oh, are you from the studio, too, honey? No, I'm Mrs.
I-I, I mean, I'm Mrs.
Well, how do you do? I'm Maggie Magennis.
Oh, well, how do you do? This is Mr.
And Mrs.
Hello! How do you do? It's been nice knowing you.
We're going down to the pool.
What for? I thought you said you wanted to get some sun.
With my fair skin? (doorbell buzzing) Oh, this is Ricky, I hope.
Hello Yeah, yeah, come on in.
Hi, Dolores and Maggie! How are you? Good to see you.
Why are there so many of them? Who cares? Come on.
We're going down to the pool.
Wait! Wait! We'll see you later, Lucy.
Come in, Ross.
Oh, hi.
Hi, honey.
Ross Elliott, this is my wife Lucy.
How do you do? Glad to meet you, Mrs.
Thank you.
Oh, hello, girls.
WOMEN: Hi, Ross.
How are you? What are those? Oh, well, they're going to be in the Don Juan picture with me.
Oh? Yeah, they play the four women that are in love with me in the picture.
Oh, that's very exciting.
ROSS: Ricky, come on over and meet the girls.
Excuse me, honey.
Girls, this is Ricky Ricardo.
Hello, Dolores.
I met you before.
Hello, girls.
Okay, kids, let's get started.
Now, Ricky, for the first shot, take this script and sit in that chair with the girls all around you, huh? Okay.
Now, we'll see how that looks.
Okay, kids.
That's good.
Now, one Mrs.
Ricardo, if you stand there, you're gonna be in the picture.
It's not that we wouldn't like to use you in some of the shots, but it just wouldn't fit in with our publicity campaign.
Oh, well, I-I thought you, uh, would want to play up the domestic angle.
You know, how happily married Ricky is.
Well, we-we would ordinarily, you see, but Don Juan is all about love.
It's got nothing to do with marriage.
Okay, kids, let's get this now.
Ready? One, two and Good.
Okay, now I think we'll have some cheesecake.
Everybody, over to the couch.
Ricky, you go get your guitar, huh? Okay.
ROSS: All right, kids.
Two on one side and two on the other.
Yeah, that's gonna be fine.
Now let's all cross our legs to the right, huh? That's good.
Now leave space a little for Ricky.
RICKY: Where do you want me, Ross? Right in the middle, Ricky, serenading the girls, huh? Everybody look at Ricky and smile.
Now hold it.
One two Mrs.
Ricardo Well, you said everybody.
Well, I meant all the girls.
Lucy well, I misunderstood him.
That's all.
Okay, all right.
One, two and good.
Now, for the next shot, let's have everybody back of the couch, huh? Uh, well, if you don't need me, I have a few things I could be doing in the bedroom.
All right, Mrs.
Ricardo, if we need you, we'll call you.
Thank you.
All right now, Ricky, you stretch out on the couch, looking up at the girls.
Girls, I want just the heads showing.
Everybody down.
That's right.
Now, just the chin sticking up.
Just your chin.
Now, there.
Now, let's see how that's going to look.
Now, don't move, Beverly.
Now, I want you two to move over to the right and you three to Three?! Mrs.
Lucy, what are you doing back there? I lost my earring.
Where? In the bedroom.
What are you doing looking out here for it? Because the light's better out here.
ROSS: Okay, kids, let's get this shot, huh? One, two Good.
Okay, now I think we'll move down to the pool.
Kids, change into your suits in the cabana.
Ricky, get into some trunks and a robe, huh? Okay.
All right, fine.
Oh, it's nice to have met you, Mrs.
I'll see you again sometime.
ETHEL: Lucy? Yeah.
Are you watching that spectacle from up here? Isn't it revolting? Will you please tell me what is so exciting about taking pictures of four starlets in bikini bathing suits? I don't know, but I could see Fred's eyes bugged out clear up here.
Phew! Boy, I'm glad that's over.
I never realized that taking pictures was such hard work.
Oh, you poor little thing.
I'll bet your arms are all calloused from having them around those starlets.
Honey, you know I had nothing to do with this.
Don't get mad.
Mad? Me mad? (chuckling): Why? Why should I be mad? On the contrary, I'm glad, very glad.
Why, when those girls walked in here today, it was the happiest day of my life.
Now, Lucy And when they didn't want me in the pictures, I wanted to jump for joy.
Lucy And my goodness! When you all put on those bathing suits and trooped down to the pool, I just felt as if my fondest dreams had come true.
Now, honey And you thought I was mad.
Why, I wasn't mad.
I was happy.
Happy! H-a-p-p-y, happy! Boy.
Now, look, honey, I-I know that you're a little upset, but A little upset.
You think I'm a little upset.
Now, just a minute.
Ricky, let her go.
I want to see what she'll do for an encore.
Now, look, honey, I-I know that this is hard for you to put up with, but, uh, it's part of the publicity campaign for the picture, and I got to go along with it.
Yeah, well, I don't got to go along with it.
Yes, you do.
You are my wife, and this is part of my career right now.
Now, there'll probably be a lot more pictures like that, but I'm sure that if you think the whole thing over calmly, you won't be childish enough to let it bother you.
Any bets? You keep out of this.
Here's something to make you happy.
Ross gave me some tickets to go to a big premiere tonight, and we're going to get all dressed up and go.
We are? Yes, sir.
I'm taking the prettiest girl in Hollywood to the premiere.
Aw honey.
Oh, I love movies with a happy ending.
Gee, Ethel, just think: My first Hollywood premiere.
Where is it, honey? Grauman's Chinese Theatre? He didn't tell me.
Look on the tickets and see.
Just one ticket here.
You sure? I'm positive.
Oh, well, then it must be good for two people-- you know, one person and a guest.
Of course, dear.
That's why it says, "Admit one.
" Oh.
Well, I almost got to a Hollywood premiere.
Now, honey, there's just been a mistake, that's all.
You bet there's just been a mistake, and I made it 15 years ago when Marion Strong asked me to go on a blind date with a Cuban drummer and I said yes.
(doorbell buzzing) Oh, hello, Ross.
Come in.
Say, Ricky, I just realized I only gave you one ticket for tonight.
See? Oh.
Well I can't send you to a premiere all by yourself.
No, that's right.
You certainly can't.
Here you are.
One, two, three, four.
Four? Four? Yeah, for the four girls.
Now, look, Ricky, when they interview you in the lobby, mention Don Juan as many times as you can Now, now, look, Ross, Ross, I wanted to take Lucy to the premiere tonight.
Now, Ricky, I know how you feel, but I've got this thing all set up.
There'll be plenty of other premieres she can go to later on.
You understand, don't you, Mrs.
Ricardo? Oh, sure, I understand.
Oh, you're a real doll.
Now, look, Ricky, there's a party at the Mocambo after the show-- you and the four girls, okay? Yeah.
I'll see you at the studio in the morning, huh? Yeah, well, yeah I know.
I'm your wife, and I have to go along with it.
It's part of your career.
It's for publicity and I'm not supposed to let it bother me.
I shouldn't be childish and I should take it with a smile.
Lucy I'm smiling.
I don't like you when you're smiling that way.
Don't press your luck.
I'm smiling.
Oh, honey, you shouldn't have waited up for me.
Come on.
Let's go to bed.
Come on, honey.
I got an early call at the studio tomorrow.
(mumbling) Lucy, have I got a clean tux shirt? Honey, I got to go to the studio in my tux, and I want Aah Ten o'clock! Give me MGM Studio, please.
(slamming down phone) Hello.
Is Ricky Ricardo working there today? Well, would you find him, please? I-I'll hold on.
Oh, you're up.
Say, Ethel wants to know if we're still going to Knott's Berry Farm today.
The only knots you'll see today will be on Ricky's head! Huh? He didn't come home all night! Oh, you must be mistaken.
Go see for yourself.
His bed hasn't been slept in.
Well, of course it hasn't.
What do you mean? Well, that's another reason I had for coming over.
First I wanted to ask you about going to Knott's Berry Farm and then I wanted to tell you that Ricky spent the night over at our place.
He did? Yeah.
Why? Why? Well, he Why? Hello? Yes? Oh.
Oh, well, thank you.
He's on his way home from the studio.
Yeah, that's it.
He got an early call from the studio, and he didn't want to disturb you.
Really? Yeah.
Well, I'll see you later.
I just thought of something I have to tell Ethel.
Come on, Ethel.
Let's go and eat breakfast.
We just had breakfast.
Well, let's go and have another one.
I'm starving.
What's the matter with you? Ethel, Ethel, did anyone sleep on your couch last night? Yeah.
Why? Are you sure? Sure, I'm sure.
Well, I'll be darned.
How did you know I slept on the couch last night? Aha! "Aha" what? I sleep on the couch lots of nights.
Fred snores like a buzz saw.
Well, at least you know where your buzz saw was last night.
What are you talking about? Ricky didn't come home at all.
He didn't! Oh, now, let's not jump to conclusions.
There must be some logical Oh, you keep out of this, you, you husband, you! Well, I'm lost.
What are you talking about? Oh, Fred's trying to cover up for Ricky by telling me that he slept on your couch last night.
Oh, honestly, Fred.
Well, I just thought that there might be a Hi, everybody.
Hi, honey.
Oh! Have you no shame? Huh? Look at him, out all night, parading around at 10:00 in the morning in his tuxedo! What happened? You'll never get out of this one.
Just turn around and head back for Cuba.
I'd like to know what's going on.
So would I.
Where were you last night? Yes.
Where were you last night, you cad? Yeah.
I'd kind of like to know myself.
What's the matter with all of you? You know where I was last night.
I went to the premiere and then I want to the party at Mocambo's.
And then? And then? And then I came home.
Ha! Now look, I-I-I You mind telling me what-what you're talking about? I was right on that couch all night and you did not come home.
You crazy or something? Of course I came home.
I'll tell you exactly what happened.
I came home.
It was 2:30 in the morning.
You were asleep on the couch.
I tried to woke you, wake you up, but you wouldn't budge.
So, I-I figured I'd better let you sleep there, it was late.
So I covered you up, I gave you a kiss.
I went in the bedroom, I went to sleep.
I had an early call this morning and I got up.
I-I-I You were still asleep, so I went to work and I finished my work, I came home.
That's all there is to it.
Oh, come now.
You can do better than that.
She's right.
You can do better than that.
I suppose you always wear your tuxedo in the studio in the morning? Well, th-they wanted me to wear the tuxedo.
They-they were taking some pictures supposed to be in a nightclub.
Oh, glib, isn't he? Check with Ross Elliott.
All right, I will.
Oh, oh, wait a minute.
He dropped me here on the way to the airport.
He's on his way to San Francisco right now.
How very convenient.
Now, wait a minute.
Now, th-th-th-this, this is ridiculous.
I'm telling you, I was home last night! All right.
All right.
If you had to put your tuxedo on again this morning, that means that I'll find the shirt you wore last night in the clothes hamper, right? Ay-ay-ay-ay-ay.
Wait a minute.
I had to wear the same shirt.
All the other tuxedo shirts were in the laundry.
Oh, now, isn't that too bad? Now, look.
This is ridiculous now.
I'm telling you all that I was home last night.
And you slept in your bed.
Then your bed would be unmade.
Did you made that bed? No, I did not "made" that bed.
Has the maid been here? No, the maid has not been here.
See? Wastepaper basket's full ashtrays haven't been emptied.
Go ahead.
It's your turn.
Wait, wait, wait.
I'm waiting.
There's something.
There's got to be something.
I know.
I got it! My carnation-- I threw it in the wastebasket in the bedroom.
Ha! I know I put it in here! What happened to it? The phantom maid strikes again.
Oh, now.
Come on, now.
Look, I'm telling you, I'm telling you that I came home last night.
I came home, it was 2:30 in the morning.
You were asleep in the couch.
I could That's it.
You were asleep in the couch, right? Yes.
All right.
If I wasn't home, how do I know that you were asleep on the couch? Yeah.
Because I just told you.
I told you when you came in that I was asleep on that couch all night.
Nice try, though.
Oh, I beg your pardon.
I thought I could finish up in here.
I mean, I thought I could do the room.
Now, look, honey.
You got to listen to me.
I Finish up in here? Maid! Maid? Maid! Maid, please come here! Come here, please.
Come here, please.
Come right in here.
Now, look, you just said you wanted to finish up in here.
Were you here before? Oh, no.
No, I wasn't in here, sir.
It's against the rules for the maid to enter the room when the guest is in.
Oh, and please don't tell the manager I did! Oh! You're wonderful.
I love you dearly.
Oh, oh, gee, I wish all the guests were as nice as this.
Well, I wish all the maids were as nice as you are.
You're a very nice lady, and I'm gonna give you the biggest box of candy you ever got.
I love you.
(blowing kiss) Ricky, I'm sorry I thought what I thought.
Can you forgive me? Listen, for a minute, I was beginning to wonder whether I was home last night.
(guffawing) Let's go, Ethel.
The lovebirds are at it again.
(Lucy laughing) Oh, look.
Here's a program from the premiere last night.
Yeah, I brought it home last night so Lucy could see How about that? What? My alibi.
Oh, no! Was it here all the time? All night long.
(all laughing) ("I Love Lucy" theme song playing) ANNOUNCER: The publicity man was Ross Elliott, the maid was Iva Shepard and the starlets were Dolores Donlon, Maggie Magennis, Shirley Tegge and Beverly Thompson.
I Love Lucy is a Desilu Production.
Lucille Ball and Desi Arnaz will be back next week at this same time.