I Think You Should Leave with Tim Robinson (2019) s03e05 Episode Script
Don’t Just Say 'Relax,' Actually Relax.
1
I know it's cramped in here while
the Fairfield branch is helping this week,
but we need this push
for the year-end accounting.
You should have your payroll
and expense reports in front of you.
And if there's anything you need,
just come find me.
[thunderous rumble]
Whoa. What was that?
Oh. It makes a really loud sound
when the air goes on.
Scared the crap out of me.
Was like, "What the hell?"
Thought it was thunder.
Thought it was a truck
backing into the building.
[laughing]
I thought it was like a volcano erupting.
What the hell?
- You thought it was a volcano?
- Yeah.
[extended, uncomfortable silence]
A volcano? In Southfield?
Wish I could be in this guy's brain.
[man 1] All right, everybody,
let's get to work.
That's awesome.
It's awesome.
I thought this was a little knife.
- What?
- Thought this pen was a little knife.
Like a little dagger.
Oh, wow.
I really thought that.
[taps]
I thought this was a little pimp.
[woman] The highlighter?
I thought it was a little pimp
walking all around.
Shh.
[man 2] The hell?
- This get burned?
- Stop looking around!
[cart clatters softly]
I thought that was a body bag.
Randall, why would he bring a body bag
to show us
- Why would a truck back into the building?
- I thought that.
Thought he was bringing a body bag!
You thought a man
was bringing a bag with a dead body in it
from office to office to show everyone?
I didn't know office to office.
You don't know what I'm seeing.
I see the world wildly and in wild ways.
Like I look at this,
and it's like it's like a it's not this.
It's like a fuckin', like
- He can't think of anything.
- I can!
- Can't say it. It's offensive!
- Say it.
- Leave him alone.
- No, what is it?
Everybody here is fine.
You can say it if you see it.
- It's a bloody cock.
- The hell's happening here?
Amanda told Randall that he's creative.
[woman] Oh, God.
Can I speak to you?
Do not say anything he says
is interesting.
Or good.
Otherwise, he's gonna keep
picking up stuff
and saying it's other stuff.
- Okay, I got it. I'm sorry.
- Amanda.
Do not say Randall is interesting.
- [somber music plays]
- [sighs]
[exhales heavily]
[tender piano melody plays]
["Someone I Know" by Margo Guryan plays]
[gurgles softly]
[rumbling]
[music slowly intensifies]
I know and you know ♪
That we never met before tonight ♪
Why, then, should I feel so right ♪
About bein' in your ♪
[theme music playing]
Oh, perfect!
Sure you haven't done modeling?
[dance music plays]
Hey, one with the bride.
Get the bride in there.
- Okay.
- Get in there. The more the merrier.
Everyone wants to take a picture
with the bride, the star.
- Come on, Dad. You too.
- Oh, no. You guys go on and have fun.
Come on, Dad, get in there.
You can't say no to her.
All right. All right.
You're gonna wanna look at the screen.
It's gonna count you down.
Then look up here at the camera.
Big smile.
Oh, great. What did I sign up for?
- Oh, Dad, you're gonna be great.
- I appreciate you saying that.
Big smiles in three, two, one.
- [shutter snapping]
- Oh, perfect!
Got professional models here.
- Yeah, right.
- Let's do a silly one.
Grab a prop. Grab a prop.
Do something silly.
Okay, grab a prop. Grab a prop.
All right, here we go.
And remember,
big smiles in three, two, one.
[crowd gasping]
- [gagging]
- [inhaling sharply]
Goddammit, that's not enough time!
Three seconds to think of something silly?
That's fucking insane! Not enough time!
[bride] Oh my God, Dad.
[father] I blanked, okay?
I gagged on a fucking purple feather.
What the fuck am I supposed to do
with a purple feather?
You could be a flapper.
A what?!
Like a 1920s dancer.
Fuck! I could've been Barney.
- How?
- Could've been like Barney's hair.
"Hey, look at me, I'm Barney,
like Barney's hair."
- Barney doesn't have hair.
- Will you shut up?
He's like cloth. Cloth is hairs.
It's little tiny hairs.
Even his mouth has little hairs.
I mean, he's cloth!
Cloth is just little hairs.
I should've never done silly.
- Got too much going on, business-wise.
- What are you even talking about?
He has hair. Give me the fuckin'
shutter shades. Gonna do another one.
Hey! Where are you going?
To relax! I already had my picture taken
with the star.
- I like what I did.
- Don't have business deals on the line.
I do! A ton! I have 15 investors
for the Pelling Ball.
What the fuck is the Pelling Ball?
It's a game.
- Doesn't sound fun.
- Okay.
Had six dinners with Bart Lee
'cause Pelling Ball's not fun!
- Who is Bart Lee?
- Heard of John Richter?
- No.
- You know nothing about games.
Knowing about games isn't cool.
[electronic music plays]
Stop! Stop doing that!
You stop that right now!
Stop it! Stop it!
- Stop it!
- Stop doing that right now.
- Stop doing that dance!
- You stop that!
Yep.
["Just One More Time"
by Ernestine Thompson plays]
This must be my day now ♪
- [chatter]
- Right?
It's so nice you live this close.
Yeah. I was so pumped they chose
to do the convention in Cleveland.
Don't have to travel.
Can walk right to the panels.
And a great chance to have a house party.
Mm-hm!
First Saturday I don't have to get up at
6:00 a.m. and take my kids to soccer.
They're getting good at soccer though.
I mean, my
Sorry. There I go, talking about my kids.
- Oh, yeah.
- Do me a favor.
Next time, please stop me.
- I know.
- Thank you.
- Will do.
- Totally.
Okay.
Did anyone go to the
[conversation continues indistinctly]
You got it.
- Okay.
- Know the one I'm looking forward to?
[man] Don't worry.
You're not gonna
talk about your kids an ounce.
[eerie, foreboding music plays]
We should go together.
- I'd love to read it.
- I would too.
- The West Coast has just better snow.
- I think I'm too old.
Scared I'm gonna tear my ACL, you know.
But my kids love the snow.
My daughter goes flying down
in a little ski suit.
Hey, everybody! Look at me!
I'm riding the dog!
- [laughter]
- [upbeat music plays softly]
[no audible dialogue]
You really do always wanna do this,
don't you?
- Do what?
- Talk kids.
I stopped you
by pretending to ride that beautiful dog.
Yeah. It's all right. It's all right.
[angrily] Just don't fuck with me again!
[eerie music plays, cuts off abruptly]
[cheerfully] From Tower of Money.
Hey, leave the dog alone!
Come on, leave the dog alone.
Leave it alone. Get away.
- Go outside.
- I love Miami.
- It's a night club culture.
- It's great. I was there last spring.
- Did you go by yourself?
- Um
- I took my kids.
- [man, angrily] Goddammit!
Hey, everybody!
- [chatter]
- [laughter]
- [scattered cheering]
- [upbeat music resumes]
[eerie music layers over party music]
[extended raspy growling]
- Hey!
- Hey!
- What you doing?
- Wasn't talking about them.
You did. Not something wrong with me.
- Don't have to keep doing this.
- I always do what I say.
All right, break it up. Knock it off.
It's dumb. It's dumb. [mutters]
Who the fuck is this guy?
Oh my God, I follow your wife
on Instagram.
- Uh-huh.
- Your kids are so cute.
- What's your daughter's name again?
- [tense note plays]
- I can't say.
- It starts with a V, right?
- Just drop it.
- What?
- Yes, her name is Vega.
- [man, angrily] Motherfucker!
[cheery] Hey, everybody, look,
the dog's blowing me.
[laughter]
Look, everybody, the dog's blowing me.
[laughter]
What the hell, man?
I keep having to do wild stuff
to stop you talking about your kids!
Now you made me too popular here!
- What?
- Now everybody loves me too much.
I wanna do it.
Guys keep coming to me, saying,
"What's the next wild thing
we're gonna do?"
Isn't anything more interesting
about you than your kids?
I'll try.
Please, try!
I'm the most popular guy here now!
Was talking about taking a shower,
then I get an ad for Dove soap.
Reading the news. On the side, ads keep
popping up for PAW Patrol lunchboxes.
You must have kids too.
- Well, I
- What are we doing next?
I don't want it to be another dance.
- I don't know.
- Let's do something.
Just relax!
- Uh
- [man continues indistinctly]
Let's talk about something else.
What What should we talk about?
[upbeat electropop dance music plays]
What's the craziest thing
you've ever done?
Oh, wow.
[laughter]
Okay. Okay.
So I'm strapped
into this instructor's lap.
Who looks like Eddie Van Halen.
I look at him and say,
"I'm a bit nervous."
He says, "You should be."
"We're going way too fast."
[laughter]
Guys, leave the dog alone.
We're not doing anything with the dog.
- Leave the dog alone.
- Push the dog.
- No!
- Should we push the walls?
- What are you even talking about?
- Tell us what to do!
Stand on our heads?
I don't know. Let me think. Let me think.
Hurry!
Just a ripoff of Kurosawa.
Bullshit.
- I'll convince you.
- You go first.
- Your 20 seconds are on the board.
- Wow, official.
Everything I do is official
when I wanna win.
- I gotta get another drink.
- Getting drinks, guys!
No. I'm getting a drink. By myself!
All getting drinks by ourselves!
- You, there. You, there. You, over there.
- Yeah.
- Too close to me.
- No! Let me think!
Telling you, back in my day,
I could square up.
In my neighborhood,
had to be able to fight.
- Can only imagine.
- [chuckles]
Just wanna tell you
you're doing great work.
Thank you, sir.
Doesn't hurt that you party too.
- What do you think we'll do next?
- Don't know.
What about this?
- Is this something?
- [group giggles]
No, let me think a minute.
I'll think of it.
It was my birthday yesterday. I turned 43.
- Happy birthday.
- My brother's 41.
It's my birthday in ten days.
[upbeat music continues]
- What you texting?
- I'm just texting something.
- Don't grab me!
- I can't see.
Get away from me. Go!
- I'll think of something!
- Let's go do something.
- I ain't doing a dance.
- Hey, man.
I just want to say I had such a good time
not talking about my kids.
Great. Glad I could help.
Got deeper than ever with people.
I used to talk about my kids all the time.
It's all I had to talk about.
You talk about your son your whole life.
Then one day he goes to the zoo,
puts his hands through the bars,
and shoots Godzilla the gorilla.
- What?
- Godzilla the gorilla.
The gorilla that would
eat kids' hats for his trick.
He Why'd he shoot him?
Such a big fan of him,
he wanted to own his life or something.
It's why I felt so bad about the dog.
I've put enough animal hurt in the world
by having my son.
[somber piano melody plays]
Yeah.
Thank you.
Yeah.
Hey.
I'm sorry about that.
I'm sorry I said you were a buckin' bronco
and that you were blowing me.
[man] What about this?
- [clattering]
- [exclaiming]
- ["Someone I Know" by Margo Guryan]
- I was thinking ♪
Of leaving ♪
There was no one around here
I wanted to know ♪
Then I saw someone who ♪
Happened to remind me of ♪
Bein' in love a long time ago ♪
I know and you know ♪
That we never met before tonight ♪
Why, then, should I feel so right ♪
About bein' in your arms ♪
Mm ♪
You're feelin' good to me now ♪
[robotic voice] Zanin Corp.
[chuckles]
I know it's cramped in here while
the Fairfield branch is helping this week,
but we need this push
for the year-end accounting.
You should have your payroll
and expense reports in front of you.
And if there's anything you need,
just come find me.
[thunderous rumble]
Whoa. What was that?
Oh. It makes a really loud sound
when the air goes on.
Scared the crap out of me.
Was like, "What the hell?"
Thought it was thunder.
Thought it was a truck
backing into the building.
[laughing]
I thought it was like a volcano erupting.
What the hell?
- You thought it was a volcano?
- Yeah.
[extended, uncomfortable silence]
A volcano? In Southfield?
Wish I could be in this guy's brain.
[man 1] All right, everybody,
let's get to work.
That's awesome.
It's awesome.
I thought this was a little knife.
- What?
- Thought this pen was a little knife.
Like a little dagger.
Oh, wow.
I really thought that.
[taps]
I thought this was a little pimp.
[woman] The highlighter?
I thought it was a little pimp
walking all around.
Shh.
[man 2] The hell?
- This get burned?
- Stop looking around!
[cart clatters softly]
I thought that was a body bag.
Randall, why would he bring a body bag
to show us
- Why would a truck back into the building?
- I thought that.
Thought he was bringing a body bag!
You thought a man
was bringing a bag with a dead body in it
from office to office to show everyone?
I didn't know office to office.
You don't know what I'm seeing.
I see the world wildly and in wild ways.
Like I look at this,
and it's like it's like a it's not this.
It's like a fuckin', like
- He can't think of anything.
- I can!
- Can't say it. It's offensive!
- Say it.
- Leave him alone.
- No, what is it?
Everybody here is fine.
You can say it if you see it.
- It's a bloody cock.
- The hell's happening here?
Amanda told Randall that he's creative.
[woman] Oh, God.
Can I speak to you?
Do not say anything he says
is interesting.
Or good.
Otherwise, he's gonna keep
picking up stuff
and saying it's other stuff.
- Okay, I got it. I'm sorry.
- Amanda.
Do not say Randall is interesting.
- [somber music plays]
- [sighs]
[exhales heavily]
[tender piano melody plays]
["Someone I Know" by Margo Guryan plays]
[gurgles softly]
[rumbling]
[music slowly intensifies]
I know and you know ♪
That we never met before tonight ♪
Why, then, should I feel so right ♪
About bein' in your ♪
[theme music playing]
Oh, perfect!
Sure you haven't done modeling?
[dance music plays]
Hey, one with the bride.
Get the bride in there.
- Okay.
- Get in there. The more the merrier.
Everyone wants to take a picture
with the bride, the star.
- Come on, Dad. You too.
- Oh, no. You guys go on and have fun.
Come on, Dad, get in there.
You can't say no to her.
All right. All right.
You're gonna wanna look at the screen.
It's gonna count you down.
Then look up here at the camera.
Big smile.
Oh, great. What did I sign up for?
- Oh, Dad, you're gonna be great.
- I appreciate you saying that.
Big smiles in three, two, one.
- [shutter snapping]
- Oh, perfect!
Got professional models here.
- Yeah, right.
- Let's do a silly one.
Grab a prop. Grab a prop.
Do something silly.
Okay, grab a prop. Grab a prop.
All right, here we go.
And remember,
big smiles in three, two, one.
[crowd gasping]
- [gagging]
- [inhaling sharply]
Goddammit, that's not enough time!
Three seconds to think of something silly?
That's fucking insane! Not enough time!
[bride] Oh my God, Dad.
[father] I blanked, okay?
I gagged on a fucking purple feather.
What the fuck am I supposed to do
with a purple feather?
You could be a flapper.
A what?!
Like a 1920s dancer.
Fuck! I could've been Barney.
- How?
- Could've been like Barney's hair.
"Hey, look at me, I'm Barney,
like Barney's hair."
- Barney doesn't have hair.
- Will you shut up?
He's like cloth. Cloth is hairs.
It's little tiny hairs.
Even his mouth has little hairs.
I mean, he's cloth!
Cloth is just little hairs.
I should've never done silly.
- Got too much going on, business-wise.
- What are you even talking about?
He has hair. Give me the fuckin'
shutter shades. Gonna do another one.
Hey! Where are you going?
To relax! I already had my picture taken
with the star.
- I like what I did.
- Don't have business deals on the line.
I do! A ton! I have 15 investors
for the Pelling Ball.
What the fuck is the Pelling Ball?
It's a game.
- Doesn't sound fun.
- Okay.
Had six dinners with Bart Lee
'cause Pelling Ball's not fun!
- Who is Bart Lee?
- Heard of John Richter?
- No.
- You know nothing about games.
Knowing about games isn't cool.
[electronic music plays]
Stop! Stop doing that!
You stop that right now!
Stop it! Stop it!
- Stop it!
- Stop doing that right now.
- Stop doing that dance!
- You stop that!
Yep.
["Just One More Time"
by Ernestine Thompson plays]
This must be my day now ♪
- [chatter]
- Right?
It's so nice you live this close.
Yeah. I was so pumped they chose
to do the convention in Cleveland.
Don't have to travel.
Can walk right to the panels.
And a great chance to have a house party.
Mm-hm!
First Saturday I don't have to get up at
6:00 a.m. and take my kids to soccer.
They're getting good at soccer though.
I mean, my
Sorry. There I go, talking about my kids.
- Oh, yeah.
- Do me a favor.
Next time, please stop me.
- I know.
- Thank you.
- Will do.
- Totally.
Okay.
Did anyone go to the
[conversation continues indistinctly]
You got it.
- Okay.
- Know the one I'm looking forward to?
[man] Don't worry.
You're not gonna
talk about your kids an ounce.
[eerie, foreboding music plays]
We should go together.
- I'd love to read it.
- I would too.
- The West Coast has just better snow.
- I think I'm too old.
Scared I'm gonna tear my ACL, you know.
But my kids love the snow.
My daughter goes flying down
in a little ski suit.
Hey, everybody! Look at me!
I'm riding the dog!
- [laughter]
- [upbeat music plays softly]
[no audible dialogue]
You really do always wanna do this,
don't you?
- Do what?
- Talk kids.
I stopped you
by pretending to ride that beautiful dog.
Yeah. It's all right. It's all right.
[angrily] Just don't fuck with me again!
[eerie music plays, cuts off abruptly]
[cheerfully] From Tower of Money.
Hey, leave the dog alone!
Come on, leave the dog alone.
Leave it alone. Get away.
- Go outside.
- I love Miami.
- It's a night club culture.
- It's great. I was there last spring.
- Did you go by yourself?
- Um
- I took my kids.
- [man, angrily] Goddammit!
Hey, everybody!
- [chatter]
- [laughter]
- [scattered cheering]
- [upbeat music resumes]
[eerie music layers over party music]
[extended raspy growling]
- Hey!
- Hey!
- What you doing?
- Wasn't talking about them.
You did. Not something wrong with me.
- Don't have to keep doing this.
- I always do what I say.
All right, break it up. Knock it off.
It's dumb. It's dumb. [mutters]
Who the fuck is this guy?
Oh my God, I follow your wife
on Instagram.
- Uh-huh.
- Your kids are so cute.
- What's your daughter's name again?
- [tense note plays]
- I can't say.
- It starts with a V, right?
- Just drop it.
- What?
- Yes, her name is Vega.
- [man, angrily] Motherfucker!
[cheery] Hey, everybody, look,
the dog's blowing me.
[laughter]
Look, everybody, the dog's blowing me.
[laughter]
What the hell, man?
I keep having to do wild stuff
to stop you talking about your kids!
Now you made me too popular here!
- What?
- Now everybody loves me too much.
I wanna do it.
Guys keep coming to me, saying,
"What's the next wild thing
we're gonna do?"
Isn't anything more interesting
about you than your kids?
I'll try.
Please, try!
I'm the most popular guy here now!
Was talking about taking a shower,
then I get an ad for Dove soap.
Reading the news. On the side, ads keep
popping up for PAW Patrol lunchboxes.
You must have kids too.
- Well, I
- What are we doing next?
I don't want it to be another dance.
- I don't know.
- Let's do something.
Just relax!
- Uh
- [man continues indistinctly]
Let's talk about something else.
What What should we talk about?
[upbeat electropop dance music plays]
What's the craziest thing
you've ever done?
Oh, wow.
[laughter]
Okay. Okay.
So I'm strapped
into this instructor's lap.
Who looks like Eddie Van Halen.
I look at him and say,
"I'm a bit nervous."
He says, "You should be."
"We're going way too fast."
[laughter]
Guys, leave the dog alone.
We're not doing anything with the dog.
- Leave the dog alone.
- Push the dog.
- No!
- Should we push the walls?
- What are you even talking about?
- Tell us what to do!
Stand on our heads?
I don't know. Let me think. Let me think.
Hurry!
Just a ripoff of Kurosawa.
Bullshit.
- I'll convince you.
- You go first.
- Your 20 seconds are on the board.
- Wow, official.
Everything I do is official
when I wanna win.
- I gotta get another drink.
- Getting drinks, guys!
No. I'm getting a drink. By myself!
All getting drinks by ourselves!
- You, there. You, there. You, over there.
- Yeah.
- Too close to me.
- No! Let me think!
Telling you, back in my day,
I could square up.
In my neighborhood,
had to be able to fight.
- Can only imagine.
- [chuckles]
Just wanna tell you
you're doing great work.
Thank you, sir.
Doesn't hurt that you party too.
- What do you think we'll do next?
- Don't know.
What about this?
- Is this something?
- [group giggles]
No, let me think a minute.
I'll think of it.
It was my birthday yesterday. I turned 43.
- Happy birthday.
- My brother's 41.
It's my birthday in ten days.
[upbeat music continues]
- What you texting?
- I'm just texting something.
- Don't grab me!
- I can't see.
Get away from me. Go!
- I'll think of something!
- Let's go do something.
- I ain't doing a dance.
- Hey, man.
I just want to say I had such a good time
not talking about my kids.
Great. Glad I could help.
Got deeper than ever with people.
I used to talk about my kids all the time.
It's all I had to talk about.
You talk about your son your whole life.
Then one day he goes to the zoo,
puts his hands through the bars,
and shoots Godzilla the gorilla.
- What?
- Godzilla the gorilla.
The gorilla that would
eat kids' hats for his trick.
He Why'd he shoot him?
Such a big fan of him,
he wanted to own his life or something.
It's why I felt so bad about the dog.
I've put enough animal hurt in the world
by having my son.
[somber piano melody plays]
Yeah.
Thank you.
Yeah.
Hey.
I'm sorry about that.
I'm sorry I said you were a buckin' bronco
and that you were blowing me.
[man] What about this?
- [clattering]
- [exclaiming]
- ["Someone I Know" by Margo Guryan]
- I was thinking ♪
Of leaving ♪
There was no one around here
I wanted to know ♪
Then I saw someone who ♪
Happened to remind me of ♪
Bein' in love a long time ago ♪
I know and you know ♪
That we never met before tonight ♪
Why, then, should I feel so right ♪
About bein' in your arms ♪
Mm ♪
You're feelin' good to me now ♪
[robotic voice] Zanin Corp.
[chuckles]