I Woke Up A Vampire (2023) s01e04 Episode Script


- What?
- What?
What? [thuds]
Get out of my room!
What are you?
Just Carmie.
And like I said, get out.
- Lies.
- What?
Last Saturday,
we heard footsteps.
- Then no footsteps.
- Then footsteps.
Now, there are footprints
on your ceiling.
[Jayden] What do you have to say
about that?
Maybe it's a haunting.
Possible. But what about this?
Me? Normal.
You? A glow stick!
Must be the face cream.
I got it online.
Deny this.
Two days ago, you had a
full conversation with our dog.
Rainey was barking,
and you were talking back.
- Spill it.
- Just admit it.
You're a superhero.
That's ridiculous.
- Whoa.
- [Rainey] Busted.
You're a vampire!
Even better!
I'm a Vampling.
Not quite the same.
- That is so cool.
- The best.
Our sister is a Vampling.
What's a Vampling?
I'm still trying to
figure that out.
But I'm really strong,
and you saw me floating.
Nice. Can you only float?
What? So dumb. And I'm fast.
[both] How fast?
Pretty cool, huh?
League of Anarchy is tomorrow.
A no-holds-barred,
no-rules gaming comp.
We've been training for months.
But FryGuy and Morphy
are gonna try to beat us.
[sighs] They can't win
with their skills.
But they will try to intimidate,
distract and damage us to win.
What are you talking about?
- You're gonna help us.
- You'll be our bodyguard.
Make sure
they don't try anything funny.
I'm not gonna help you guys win
You're not helping us win.
You're stopping them
from winning.
They're the criminals here.
You can use your powers on them.
Bite them. Drain their blood.
That's not what I do.
Besides, I can't let anybody
see me using my powers.
Well, you're already failing
at that, 'cause we saw you.
And if you want us to help keep
your Vampling self a secret,
you need to help us.
Please, Carmie. We need you.
These guys have been terrorizing
every gamer in town.
And we'll keep your secret.
Fine, but just this one time.
[both cackle]
Victory will be ours!
Okay. Relax.
Where and when?
This is the big time.
[Jayden] No one knows where or
when until they call.
- Then, we have one hour.
- So, be ready.
When we call,
you drop everything.
Who are you two?
Just get out. Go.

[Jordan] Keep it sharp, dancers.
Good. Now, slide.
And spin.
- [shouts]
- Oh.
Hey. What happened?
My ankle. I think it's broken.
Hypochondriac much?
- [shouts]
- Leanna!
Twisted, maybe.
- I told you to follow me.
- I did.
Obvi not. My ankle is fine.
Now, you're done for.
It's okay.
We can rework it as a solo.
What? No. This is the foundation
of Fangs of the Opera.
I mean, the hunter first
tries to capture the vampire,
and then he falls in love
with her. I
[gasps] You.
- Me?
- Him?
Yes, you. Him.
You're in, just until we see
how bad Benny's ankle is.
- Look. He reads great.
- We'll see.
And Carmie, you're gonna
make yourself sick
spinning that fast, okay?
Or worse yet, sprain your ankle.
I know. But what can you do
when the spirit takes you?
Unexpected turn of events.
And, uh, I may need your help
learning the lines.
- Sure. Anytime.
- [phone chimes]
Now? I thought you said
I have an hour.
Okay, okay.
But never again.
Any time but now.
I have to do a sibling thing.
That must be fun.
With them, never.
But there's always hope.
Call me when you can.
[Leanna] Hey, guys.
Welcome to Leanna's
live backstage tour
of my new musical,
Fangs of the Opera,
starring me.
Love the energy, Carmela,
but take it down a notch.
The thing with understudies is
you have to constantly
remind them that they don't
really matter.
Being a real working actor
is a full-time job,
even as a volunteer.
After all, it is
all me up there.
So, it's up to that same me
to make sure
that everything is perfect.
Madison, come here.
This is Madison,
paint person extraordinaire.
She's the best in the biz.
Thanks, Leanna.
That's, like, the first
nice thing you've ever
- But I do have some thoughts.
- Here we go.
This green colour? No bueno.
That means "no good" in Italian.
- Oh, wow.
- See, it makes my skin
look sickly,
and we all agree I'm a glower.
So, you want me to change
the colour?
Thank you. Great idea.
Here are just a couple other
options to try.
- I think you
- Ah, love the teamwork, girls.
Really makes that dream work.
Hmm. You take that.
Thank you.
As I was saying
Wake up, the day is bright ♪
Ooh. I'm gonna get
a double chocolate cone.
- No jokes.
- This is serious.
We need you on your A-game,
Carmie. Stay focused.
And keep an eye out
for FryGuy and Morphy.
And don't embarrass us.
You two being part of some
low-rent nerd fest
isn't embarrassing?
Carmie, what did she just say?
Pay attention.
Any signs of them coming at us,
use your powers to stop them.
Turn them into the undead.
Banish them
to an outer galactic realm.
Still, not what I do.
Whatever it takes.
Victory must be ours.
When we go in, order
the mint chocolate chip special.
I hate mint chocolate.
Just do it.
Look. It can get hairy in there.
Gamers don't play.
And if there's trouble,
it's every kid for themselves.
And we don't know you.
Um, I'll have
the mint chocolate chip special.
Hey. What up, D? D.
[techno music plays,
patrons chatter]
Hey! D and D are in the house.
What up, champs?
Where are we?
[woman] Looking good, D and D.
Who are you two?
- Pfft. This is nothing.
- We always pull a crowd.
You should see
our livestream numbers.
[woman] Welcome, Killer D's.
Good to see you both.
[crowd chants]
FryGuy. FryGuy. FryGuy.
[Jayden] That's them.
The worst.
[crowd cheering]
[Aiden] We're better than them,
and they know it.
Blow them up. Shoot fireballs.
Mind control.
You aren't really getting
what I can do.
- [grunts]
- They really don't like you two.
Let's go.
You're kidding, right?
Soulless plot line.
Derivative characters.
Bad for your mind.
Aisle three, that's where
the good stuff is.
Go on.
Kev, this is a store.
We do sell things.
Things of quality.
I don't even know why
we carry this garbage.
[sighs] You are not helping
my stress headache.
Go home. Lay in the dark.
Listen to some whale sounds.
Whale I can't.
Come on.
I'm your best employee.
You're my only employee,
whom I pay in free comic books.
Ugh. All right.
My My head is killing me.
- Don't scare the people off.
- Okay.
- And give them what they want.
- Got it.
- The customer is always right.
- You bet.
Relax. Sleep well. I got this.
This is my shop now.
[techno music plays]
Get ready, freaks.
First to finish.
No mercy. No rules.
If you need to take a leak,
call your mom to pick you up,
'cause this ride is nonstop.
[crowd cheers and applauds]
No rage-quitting, no cheesing,
and keep this zone toxic-free.
- Capisce?
- [they cheer and applaud]
Let's start this ownage
in three, two, one.
- Anarchy!
- [crowd cheers]
[laser fire from video game]
[emcee] Tweedle Doom
and Tweedle Destruction
are first to advance.
No surprise.
Those guys are grinders.
They get it done!
What did I say
about rage-quitting?
Hey. Stay on your own side.
Don't bring your loser-ness
near us.
You two are going down.
- [shouts]
- Whoa, whoa, whoa!
FryGuy and Morphy
are mounting a huge offence.
They're pulling
some clutch moves.
They're cheating!
Look. They're cheating.
[emcee] No mercy, no rules.
There's no such thing
as cheating here, kid.
Can't see.
FryGuy and Morphy finish
the level first.
Ha-ha-ha. Nice one, Fry.
[singing a major scale]
Ah. So, that's
my 12-minute vocal warmup.
Let me know in the comments
which jaw exercise
you like the most.
Not sure why I lost 26 viewers,
Hey, Banksy.
Love the hustle.
Uh, so close, but no.
Let's try more of a chartreuse.
I told you.
I have to keep my eye
on everything.
Uh, I was just clearing
my throat. It's a bit itchy.
Well, don't get me sick.
I need my pipes healthy
for show day.
Let's go find my director
and run her through
a new monologue
I've been workshopping.
[sighs] What the
[Kev] Absolutely not.
Put that down.
You call yourself
a comic book fan?
Ugh. You again?
No, I don't have
Dragons in the Attic, Issue 2.
You don't wanna
waste your time with that.
Follow me, my friend,
and I will blow your mind.
It's a common misconception.
Don't beat yourself up about it.
That people want dragons,
and they want them in the attic.
But do they?
No. They don't.
It's long-winded and overblown.
What they want need,
is adventure, intrigue, quality.
They want this.
Simple is often the best.
Please, this way.
Was it a bestseller?
Of course not.
The masses rarely appreciate
But his work was the first
to truly capture
the power and wonderment
of nature. Cash or card?
And isn't that
all we mortals want,
to really understand
what true power feels like?
- [terminal beeps]
- All sales are final.
Thank you.
Man, I am good at this!
[emcee] What is going on?
FryGuy and Morphy
are in the lead.
Their TTK is unreal.
My fingers are sticking to
the keys.
Mine, too. It's the drink
he sprayed us with.
[emcee] Tweedles Doom
and Destruction
have completed level two.
- Where's Morphy?
- Carmie? Morphy.
They've got to be kidding me.
[glass shatters]
You have to be more careful.
Who are you, and how did you
Don't tell me you thought
you were the only one.
I don't know. I just thought
I'd never meet another
We're everywhere,
but we move in darkness
so that we can coexist
with the human world.
We do not interfere.
I was just trying to help.
Helping is one thing,
but altering outcomes
can have a ripple effect
you're not prepared for.
If I can't protect my brother
and sister with my powers,
what good are they?
- What good am I?
- It's not about you.
It's about the humans' path.
If we choose to live
in their world,
we can't bend it to our liking.
If you leave
to join the Mythic world
The Mythic world?
- You don't know?
- What?
Another time.
For now, you need to understand
that there's more
to being Mythic than just having
You have to protect our legacy,
honour our ancestors,
and ultimately
choose which side you'll serve.
This is a little too much.
I mean, I finally get to be
and now I have to hide it?
It's not about hiding
what makes you special.
It's about knowing that
these powers
don't free you from humanity.
Use them with intent,
and your path with be revealed.
Are you a vampire?
[chuckles] No.
No. I don't like blood.
I'm a warlock.
Be careful, Carmie.
The world isn't always
as it appears.
[crowd chatters, cheers]
[emcee] Doom and Destruction
mounting a comeback.
Doom and Destruction are
the first to play level three!
You guys are in the lead.
- Stay cool, Carm.
- Yeah.
Victory is gonna be ours!
[customer] Look.
I don't care what
the best-quality comic available
worldwide is.
I want Boss Lady 6.
You're not listening to me.
No, you don't.
Just take my money
and I'll take the comic.
It's commercialized feminism.
It's not authentic.
- [clanking]
- What's in the duffle?
- Lunch.
- Hmm.
Kev's right, you know.
You don't want that garbage.
- It's inauthentic.
- See?
What? I can't believe this is
how you treat your customers.
And I can't believe you're not
listening to his expert opinion.
Who are you?
- I'm his associate.
- He's my associate.
- This is unbelievable.
- I know.
If this is how you're
gonna act, you can leave.
No. You can't tell me to leave.
I'm telling me to leave.
Once again,
my genius goes unheard.
- Hmm.
- Wasted.
And this is why
I can't do customer service.
The customers are always wrong.
[chuckles] It's a tough gig.
Thanks for having my back.
Well, as your associate,
it's basically my duty.
Now, I'm here to ask you
something really important.
What's up?
Well, there's this thing
I've been looking for,
for a while now, and I think
maybe you'll know
exactly what I'm talking about.
Talk to me.
[Dylan] MeatMan 10.
Ah. Not in yet. I'll put one
aside for you, though.
You're a person of good taste.
What can I say?
I appreciate quality.
See you.
Oh. Dylan? Dylan!
Okay. You gotta go.
You've had enough time.
Come back tomorrow.
And remember, better choices
make a better life.
And that's when I realized
it wasn't the real Harry Styles,
but I still gave him
my autograph,
'cause you never know.
[Madison] Okay. I'm done.
I need warm undertones
to make my skin glow.
It's as if you want
my rosacea to stand out.
I have other things to do.
You can't walk out on
the theatre, Madison. Ugh.
I just lost
another five viewers.
- Ugh!
- [clanks]
Viewers are up.
That was just a bit
of physical comedy for you.
I actually took a clowning class
last summer
from an authentic French clown.
I think he was French.
[emcee] Tweedles D and D
have completed level three.
They're ahead of FryGuy
and Morphy.
[crowd cheers]
Tweedle Doom and Tweedle
Destruction take the win!
- Yeah!
- Woo-hoo! Victory is ours.
- [shouts]
- Woo!
[they cheer and squeal]
[Kev] Dylan?
I got to work on my cardio.
Uh-oh. The hunter.
And the winners
of League of Anarchy
are Tweedle Doom
and Tweedle Destruction!
[crowd cheers]
We want to give this to you.
- The best energy drink ever.
- Nvr Sleep for life?
This is the best gift
I could ever ask for.
We couldn't have done it
without our finally cool sister.
[FryGuy] Next time, watch out.
I'll wipe those smiles
off your faces.
What? Whoa! Oof.
Your sister's crazy!
Let's get out of here.
Next time, you're gonna have
to float up to the ceiling.
And blow them up
with a laser eye blast.
You're still not getting it.
I can't do that.
Yeah, yeah.
But imagine how many more
tournaments we can win
with Carmie's powers.
Wait. What happened to
keeping my powers a secret?
I'm sure Mom and Dad
would love to hear about
this semi-legal
underground event.
Just because it's a grey area
doesn't make it wrong.
- [sighs]
- [phone chimes]
Kev, we won Nvr Sleep for
What? I'll be right there.
It's been Dylan the whole time?
He's the hunter?
I knew something
was wrong with him.
I was, like,
"This guy, something's up."
But he hid it well
because he's so cool.
Uh, I think we should go.
What the

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