In Plain Sight s05e05 Episode Script

Drag Me to Hell

Previously, on In Plain Sight I think our office is on the chopping block.
That's really above your pay grade.
The cheerleader-- she doesn't seem your type.
I am both annoyed and impressed that you kept this little relationship a secret from me.
Oh, my God.
- Would you - Yes! It's you, if anyone, who has a deeply-ingrained pattern to your romantic involvements.
We've never really talked about kids.
- Do you want to have children? - I don't know.
I mean I don't think we should get married in July.
Or at all.
I don't know if you love me enough to make this work.
Let's give it up for Miss J'enny Se Quoi! Merci beaucoup! And now, for our final contestant in the Miss Drag Louisiana contest, please welcome to the stage Miss Armed Kandy! Get ready to party, bitches! 'Cause there's no lip-syncing with this queen.
With Kandy, it's all real.
I love you, Kandy! At first I was afraid I was petrified kept thinkin' I could never live without you by my side and I spent oh, so many nights thinking how you did me wrong and I grew strong and I learned how to get along so, now you're back from outer space well, I just walked in to find you here with that sad look upon your face How many times I gotta tell ya? This box in my office.
You're late again.
I got it for ya! Tell Connard to back off.
My office.
I will survive This H is a joke.
Take it up with Connard.
Knock-knock, Ray Kandy, run! This witness once told me there's truth in fairy tales.
Black as you can make it.
The problem with fairy tales and I tried to explain this to him is that they end too soon.
They are, at best, a prologue for the messy chapters to come.
Sure, Snow White and Prince Charming may do "happily every after" for a while.
But then she comes home to find him banging Rapunzel in the big bed and you've got a different story.
There's no truth in fairy tales, not really.
Know how you can tell? They're called "fairy tales.
" So, who are the, uh, "mommy mean girls" tearing apart today? I wouldn't know.
When I go on safari, I like to keep a safe distance from the predators devouring their prey.
Goes double for rogue males.
Who says I'm a rogue male? Everything about you.
Quasi-retro tee shirt, the too-ironic-by-half frat-boy gleam in your eye.
I spotted your moves a mile away.
Well, I'm Kenny.
For the record, I was never in a frat.
This tee shirt is not retro, it's just old, and ask my ex.
I don't have any moves.
Charming single dad devoid of any moves? That's your move.
All right.
But can you blame me? I mean, we know these women put out.
They all have babies.
Got it.
That's funny.
Hey, check it out.
Don't snooze on mommy and me yoga.
Aggressively available, clearly double-jointed.
Well, thanks for the tip.
No sweat.
Ooh, and this is Oliver.
Best wingman on the planet.
- Is that right? - Yup.
Just so you know, um, my radar's only set to single moms.
What a guy.
Speaking of, if you'd ever like to grab a bite, or a quasi-retro tee shirt.
That's my cue.
Hi, Joanna.
Good morning.
Be home around 6:00.
Formula's in the fridge, okay? Go to work.
You know we'll be fine.
- Bye, mommy.
- Bye, bug.
Kenny, Joanna.
Joanna, Kenny.
She's single.
Go for it.
Coffee stains the teeth.
No, right.
Makes perfect sense.
The guy on the left is the one who killed him.
Jack Ducey, senior lieutenant in Tremaine Connard's drug cartel out of Louisiana.
Without Witness Protection, I promise you, Douglas, you're next.
You have first-hand knowledge of how Connard moved his heroin, you could speak to the Verve vodka front, how the operation worked inside the club.
Couple that with your testimony against Ducey on the murder charge, and the odds that he'll flip on Connard, there's no bigger threat to these guys than you.
Look, I get why I can't go back to New Orleans, but I still don't see why I have to give up Kandy.
It's drag.
I could be Kandy anywhere.
Connard's gonna have every drag club covered searching for you.
You're losing a hobby, Doug, not a career.
You get the sudden urge to belt out a tune, there's a karaoke bar on every block here.
Just, you know, keep your pants on.
- Fred - No, you know - Oh, no, what? - No, Fred, we we got this.
Douglas, I hate to say this, but performing your act it's too dangerous.
It isn't an act.
And it isn't a hobby.
That world is my life.
When I am Kandy, people They look.
And they listen.
They're inspired.
Kandy's strong, she's powerful.
I get it.
I see.
If I was a doctor or a lawyer, maybe then you'd have a little compassion, but for the freak show No one's calling you a freak, Douglas.
We all dress up to be who we need to be.
Mine's just different.
Bette Midler signing up for the WITSEC tour, or is she going solo? He's in, but he's having a hard time.
Zeitlin's worried he won't hold up on the stand.
I hate you.
You officially had the easiest witness on the planet.
Guy basically lived in disguise.
His own mother wouldn't recognize him now.
Do you think we could have lunch today? Wouldn't put it past us.
We have lunch every day.
I know, but there's something I want to tell you.
Something important.
Important? What does that mean? Of import.
It's personal.
How about Gianni's, You're freaking me out, Marshall.
Since when do you make appointments to talk to me over lunch at Gianni's? If you have something to say, spit it out.
Abigail and I got engaged.
I was gonna tell you at lunch, but Wow.
What's the age of marital consent in New Mexico? It's not that big a difference.
Not by Elvis standards.
I proposed at the firing range.
Oh, well You're welcome, I guess.
And so, I mean So, you're sure about this? Just 'cause, I mean, you're a "married for life," book joint burial plots" kind of guy.
So, you don't approve.
Just seems kind of fast.
It's been a year and a half.
And that's long enough to be sure? For you, or for me? Marshall, let's go.
Time to get Douglas settled.
Since 1970, the Federal Witness Protection program has relocated thousands of witnesses, some criminal, some not, to neighborhoods all across the country.
Every one of those individuals shares a unique attribute, distinguishing them from the rest of the general population.
And that is, somebody wants them dead.
I still can't believe this.
Look, Douglas, you have to have a job.
And while this might not be as glamorous as you're accustomed to, at least it makes use of your expertise.
A dress shop in Albuquerque.
I'm a modern-day cinderfella.
We had a deal, Susan.
I threw my support behind you for Almanza's job, you get on the bat phone to the oval office to save Albuquerque.
But when I put my jacket on this morning, I found a switchblade in my back! Lose an inspector from this office! That's your idea of a cost-cutting measure? Yeah, well, you're not you're not helping, Susan, no.
You're dismantling.
We had a deal.
In my neighborhood, that meant something! It was a covenant! I'm putting you on notice, okay? I don't intend to let you get away with this, Susan.
From now on, you be careful where you put your jacket on in the morning! Hi, are you Jacob? I'm Marshall.
We emailed about the job.
This is my brother Douglas.
Oh, there's quite a resemblance.
We get that a lot.
So, nice to meet you.
So, Douglas, you are the tailor? Yes.
I'm a regular Motel Kamzoil.
As I told your brother, we cater in special event dresses, like weddings and, uh, sweet 16s.
Dresses are my specialty.
Oh, music to my ears.
It's prom season, and I'm drowning here.
How 'bout we get that paperwork out of the way, and get you sewing? Be right back.
- Congratulations.
- Yeah.
Next stop, Project Runway.
Mary? - Raph.
- I-I didn't expect to Wow, what're you what're you doing - We were grabbing some - When did you Wait, wait, wait.
Y-you go first.
I mean, wow.
Look at you.
- Look at me? - Yeah.
- Look at you.
You've got a - Oh.
A Norah.
I've got a Norah.
It's a it's a long story.
- Congrats.
- Thanks.
So, what're you doing here? What're you doing back? The Isotopes need a new third base coach.
I closed the deal yesterday.
You're kidding.
That's cool, right? So, you're back in Albuquerque.
I am.
- How's the family? - Good.
I mean, actually, Brandi ditched her fiance at the altar and then dove headfirst into a sea of vodka.
Jinx is holding her hair back in rehab, but I'll just go with "the same.
" - I see.
- Yeah.
We've got to get to this - team party thing.
- Oh, yeah.
No, go, go.
I didn't I don't want to keep you.
- Yeah, maybe, uh - Okay.
Maybe we could have dinner sometime? - Sure.
- I've got a lot to tell you, and I'd really love to hear about everything.
Yeah, that sounds great.
My wife is gonna be so excited to meet you.
Wife? What? Abigail just called.
Douglas got arrested.
Meet you at APD.
Yeah, okay.
I'll be there in a few.
You owe Mark a six-pack.
He took Norah to poker night.
What's with the dressy clothes? I was on my way to pick up Abigail for the theater.
All-female production of Hedda Gabler.
Already bored.
Apparently, Douglas was grabbed for assault.
I was his one phone call, his "brother" Marshall.
Abigail poke around? She knows better than that.
She's getting it worked out.
Gotta say, I find it interesting that the guy who goes on and on about pretty much everything got engaged without talking to his own partner first.
Maybe he figured it best to talk to his bride-to-be about it first.
Oh, of course.
Believe me, I'm totally happy for you guys.
I just find it, you know Interesting.
I find it interesting that you find it interesting.
Okay, then.
What was I supposed to do? Idiot called my Angela fat.
I said she was zaftig.
People, you want the cuffs back on? Keep it up.
Hey, sorry to put a crimp in our plans, but I I appreciate the heads up.
You look amazing, by the way.
You're the sweetest.
Any sweeter, I'd be in a diabetic coma.
- Can we just - I only suggested an a-line because when I'm feeling hippy, I wear an a-line.
So, my Angela's a man, now.
All right, all right.
Cool it, both of you.
Who the hell are you? A sleep-deprived mom with a Glock and an itchy trigger finger.
Next question.
Think we can let your brother off with a warning, but keep him out of trouble.
Will do.
I'll get him home.
You two have plans.
- Oh.
- Thanks, Mary.
Marshall and I were gonna celebrate our Engagement.
He told me.
Congrats, or whatever it is people say.
They say "congrats.
" Good guess.
Let's go.
I'm just saying Marshall told me to use my expertise.
You saw the girl.
A-line is her friend.
Yeah, well, now I've got to find you somewhere else for you to use your expertise.
The dress shop's out.
I'll find you something, just in the meantime, can you just try to blend in? Keep your head down, and - What the? - Uh! It's not what you think.
Really? You idiot.
What part of "no more drag" got lost in translation, huh? It's just a token.
This is not a token, this is a gateway wig.
Mary, I swear, I-I just kept it as a reminder.
I'm not performing.
I'm not even going to put it on.
- Uh-huh.
What's this? - The IQ, the local paper.
I'm reading it.
I happen to live here now.
Tell me, is this it, or do I need to toss the place? That's it.
I promise.
I promise.
Listen, you have to understand, I didn't just lose Kandy.
My whole life.
And Spencer.
I'll never see him again.
Spencer was your boyfriend? He's my son.
What? You have a kid, you don't say something? Douglas, we could've brought him into the program.
I haven't seen him since he was three.
I'd always hoped someday anyway.
I always thought I'd make a good father.
Just not at 18.
At 18 I didn't even have a glimmer I was gay.
I had a lot to figure out.
At 18, we all have a lot to figure out.
I'm sorry about what happened.
Douglas, you gotta suck it up.
Okay, listen to me, this program is really hard for almost everyone.
I see it every day.
I don't care if you're a cop, or a thug, or a guy who sings Streisand in five-inch heels.
But it's doable.
I see that every day too.
Streisand? What am I, 80? No more wigs.
Got Douglas a new job.
He starts tonight.
Thank me whenever.
Something he'll like? It's at that jewelry store where that guy I kinda like got me that thing I sorta hated.
How many openings they got? A.
Campbell has her way, we could all end up there.
'Morning, sunshine.
- What's with Debbie downer? - Budget stuff.
Rough night? Oh, yeah, it was ground zero.
Pooping, teething Lotta liquid.
- It's not for sissies.
- No joke.
My clothes hurt, I haven't slept for months.
No time for anything even remotely social.
Turns out babies are the best form of birth control since four-inch sideburns.
Meanwhile, you're walking around all bright-eyed with that ridiculous grin 'cause guess who's banging the prom queen.
Have you tried a cheesecloth sack filled with a frozen banana? What? No.
For Norah.
For the teething, I mean.
Oh, thank you, sweet and gentle Jesus.
Try it tonight.
All right, well, I would, except I've got this dinner with Raph.
When did this happen? You don't mention that? Oh, by the way, I got engaged.
The Isotopes hired him as some kind of coach, I guess.
Okay, so, this dinner date is it, uh, dinner or a date? It's dinner.
With Raph and his wife.
Yeah, that's right.
He dropped the wife-bomb on me, then ran for cover.
You didn't cancel.
Why would I? I broke up with him.
Anyway, he's a friend.
I want to see how he's doing.
Don't think so.
No, what I think Here we go.
You and Raph didn't work out, so how, pray tell, did the story end? Shoot me now.
You don't do well with unresolved.
Understandable, given your decided lack of resolution with your father.
Okay, Freud, kick back, put your feet up.
You know, sometimes a cigar is just Mary.
It's me.
Okay, fine.
Yeah, fine.
So, sure.
Maybe I'm curious.
Maybe I want to see how things turned out.
You just want to know if she's pretty or not.
I hate it when you know me.
So, I'm looking through photos, trying to find this picture of us on our trip to Cancun, when I see this one of us at a baseball game, which I have absolutely zero memory of, so, I zoom in, and it turns out it's you.
You think someone has a type? Yeah, blondes with boobs.
So sad.
This was a really bad idea.
Yeah, well, duh.
And he buried the lead.
He never told me you were a marshal.
- Oh.
- That is so cool.
So, what does a marshal do? Well, um Come on, Vic, I'm sure she doesn't want to talk about work.
No, it's fine.
I'm fine.
No, he's right.
It's just you're a mom, you're a marshal.
I don't know how you pull it off.
Well, never sleeping helps.
Listen, far be it for me to play matchmaker, I don't even know if you're in the market.
But I know a ton of great single guys.
Thank you, but I'm good.
I met someone recently, actually.
Sort of a coffeehouse deal.
So Anyway, I'm all set.
Well, think about it.
Let me know if you change your mind.
I can switch back to matchmaker mode like that.
I bet.
Okay, I'll be right back.
It's like I almost don't even need to be here.
I like her.
And she likes you too.
I can tell.
Listen I was surprised you had a baby.
You think you were surprised.
She was kind of a happy accident.
Really happy, but It's you always used to say you didn't want to have kids.
Maybe you didn't want to have them with me.
Come on, Raph.
It wasn't that.
And I didn't want them.
You know, it all just sorta happened.
But I mean, come on, you more than bounced back.
Right? You're all married and stuff.
She's amazing.
We're really happy.
Well, you deserve it.
Some stories deserve happy endings.
- This was fun.
- Yeah.
It's so great to finally meet the one who got away.
Well, it was great to meet you too.
Coulda done without the flan, but what's a couple more crunches I'm never gonna do, right? We should do this again.
Invite coffeehouse guy.
Make it a double date.
Yeah, right.
I don't know if, um, Kenny's double date material, but That's work.
I should, um Take it.
We'll call you.
Hey, what's up? Douglas was a no-show at his new job.
He's not answering his cell, not at his apartment.
Who was the last person to see him? You when you brought him home from APD.
Any ideas? Got a hunch.
Thank you.
Thank you very, very much.
I love you all, each and every one of you.
Mwah! Mwah! Man, I know I should've tossed his apartment.
Who buys one wig? Warhol comes to mind.
Of course he does.
Let's just grab Lady Gaga before he gets himself killed.
Okay? Please.
Sorry for interrupting your date.
You didn't interrupt, and it wasn't a date.
So, what's Raph's story? Who'd he end up with? Me, but better.
Hey, check it out.
Connard's favorite.
Just restocking.
Looks legit.
Dragstrip Throw-down is proud to welcome the newest member of our Albuquerque family, Miss Cybil Disobedience.
I'm not seeing Douglas.
How sure are you he's here? Get ready to party, bitches! Pretty sure.
'Cause with this queen, there's no lip-syncing.
With Cybil, it's all real.
At first I was afraid I was petrified kept thinking I could never live without you by my side Let's just watch the crowd.
We'll grab him offstage.
Okay? And I grew strong and I learned how to get along so, now, you're back from outer space well, I just walked in to find you here with that sad - Oh, my God! - Party's over.
No, this is not what you think.
You know, you keep saying that.
- Wait, just stop, please! - No.
You lied to me.
What, are you trying to get yourself killed? Cybil looks nothing like Kandy, okay? - Shh! - Okay? I'm not stupid.
But this is my life.
My world.
It's who I am.
Nobody's gonna recognize me in this club.
This club stocks Verve, which means Connard has access.
And how many drag queens do you know actually sing as well as you in a competition lousy with Milli Vanillis? - I didn't think about - No, you didn't.
Just better hope you weren't spotted.
- But I can't just go back - No.
No more talk.
This isn't The View.
You breached, jackass.
Let's go! Okay, so intel from the Marshal's Fugitive Taskforce in New Orleans has Connard's men on the move and heading west on I-10.
My guess, they know you're in Albuquerque.
- Jesus.
- 'Scuse me.
Protocol for me, Douglas, is we're gonna have to move you.
Wait what? That's it? I just have to go? Where am I going? For your safety, we don't make that call.
All we know is we've got - Just like that.
- Yeah.
Again? Here's what's gonna happen, Douglas.
Marshall and the team are gonna go to your apartment, pack up all your things, get you en route to a new location.
I can't believe this.
I didn't mean to screw things up like this.
How did you mean to screw things up? Mary, Marshall, we'll finish up here with Douglas.
Why don't you get things rolling? Fine with me.
This time tomorrow, this guy and his wardrobe are someone else's problem.
Hey, listen.
I might be kind of late tonight.
I've got this work thing.
Don't worry about it.
I'm happy to help.
You know that.
We got that.
Let's go see who's at the door.
- Hi.
- Hi.
Is Mary here? Mary, you have a profoundly handsome gentleman caller.
Come on in.
Raph, Joanna.
Joanna, Raph.
- Oh.
- Hey.
You know what, I think she needs a little change, so we'll go do that.
It's lovely to meet you, Raph.
Yeah, that's Norah's, um, grandma.
Not Jinx, obviously.
She's the mother of the father.
Anyway Just wanted to come by and say Victoria and I had a great time at dinner.
Thanks for being so cool to her.
It meant a lot.
Of course.
I'm glad you're back.
Me too.
In a weird way, maybe it's a good thing you weren't in love with me.
I would not have met her.
I see.
Well, then, you're welcome.
Uh, I also wanted to give you these club seats for you and Marshall.
You know what, Marshall and I aren't really doing games any more.
- Oh, right.
'Cause of Kenny.
- Kenny.
Who's Oh, Kenny.
God, no.
No, no.
No, it's just that Marshall went all Jerry Lee Lewis and got engaged.
Engaged? Whoa.
That's huge.
You okay with that? Of course I am.
Why wouldn't I be? I know how close you two are, and marriage changes things.
He's my partner, he's my friend.
I'm happy for him.
It's just interesting.
And what about your baby daddy? Don't say "baby daddy.
" Fine.
What about Norah's father? Mark.
His name is Mark.
And he's a great dad.
But he's not I mean, we're not You are an incredible woman, Mary, you know.
You're a great marshal, and I'm sure you're a great mom.
And, you know, some guy's gonna be very lucky Raph, thanks.
Thank you, but I'm happy.
Just keep the tickets.
Give them away.
You decide.
Either way.
- Thanks.
- Anyway See you around.
See ya.
Hey, Charles, any openings come up yet at Homeland Security? Just keep looking, please.
'Cause I got new intel that says this place is turning into an Agatha Christie novel.
Stan pulled all of our personnel files, and I got a sneaking suspicion that this little Indian's gonna be the first to go.
Listen, you stick to the program, you follow the rules, relocation works.
Keep that in mind, and wherever you end up, - you'll do fine.
- Yeah.
Wherever I end up.
Listen, it doesn't really matter where I am.
I'm just wondering if maybe they could find my son.
They could try.
Set up a meeting in a neutral location.
Maybe even regular visits down the road.
That would really mean a lot.
Thank you.
One step at a time, though, Douglas.
Let's just get you on the train.
Hey, stay out of trouble.
- He's all yours.
- Mary, Marshall! - Hold up! - What? Douglas, do not get on that train.
Wh-what's going on? DEA confirmed the Fugitive Task Force intel.
Connard's crew is moving in on Albuquerque.
Not just his crew.
No, Connard's coming after you, Doug.
Apparently he wants to send a message to anyone even thinking about doing the right thing.
- We got an ETA? - Tomorrow night.
Now, your task force guys are reporting chatter, you know, about Verve, club, competition.
Right, right.
Tomorrow night's the finals.
Okay, fine, they're coming in.
Let's get him out.
Your genius move is to pull him off the train? I say shove him on.
When do I get to fail upwards? Look, people, the stars are aligning, okay? I have a re we have a real shot here to dismantle this whole operation, and we're taking it.
Count me in.
I'll do whatever you need.
Shut it.
Zeitlin, you gotta be kidding me.
Putting a witness in play is a non-starter.
Let's go, Douglas.
Get on the train.
No, no, no, wait, just we're not putting him in play.
He will not be in any danger, okay? But his expertise about the drag world is critical to this operation.
You could have him miles away, but we just need his help with whoever's gonna stand in for him.
What're you talking about "standing in"? You know.
An agent.
Undercover, in drag.
Stan, my God, help me out here.
Mary, the operation's already been approved.
By whom? Rupaul? What is this? We just need an agent that looks enough like Douglas who can pull off Cybil Disobedience.
Enforcement ops are reaching out to task force commanders as we speak, looking for your match.
Oh, I see.
So, you need somebody who can pass as Douglas.
Or, I don't know, his brother? Don't do this.
I'm not.
What? I look nothing like his brother.
Come on, pal, cheer up.
Let's go buy you a lady razor.
Oh Just say it.
You're like Tootsie on stilts.
You're Ms.
Doubtfire on a diet.
Should I keep going? That's all you got.
You're Tyler Perry in anything.
Okay, stop.
Now that your brows are done, just gonna add a little concealer.
A little? Have you seen the forehead? You know, in Elizabethan times it was the norm for men to perform as women.
I'm carrying on a grand tradition.
Like Rosalind in As You Like It.
Well done, Zeitlin.
You have no idea how liberating it is to put on this makeup and just to become someone else.
That's the beauty of WITSEC, Douglas, minus the lady gear.
Well, I get to change my name, and where I live, and what I do, but I can't change who I am.
When I was Kandy, it's the only time I ever really felt unstoppable.
Kandy gave you courage, fine, but what you're doing testifying from where I'm sitting, Douglas has courage to spare.
Right, right.
Look at me.
Am I really someone people listen to, respect? You deserve respect, Douglas.
You do.
You've got mine.
All right, stop talking.
Close your eyes.
Mmm, hello, Dolly.
Marshall oh, man.
You almost, uh I almost well Please finish that sentence.
No, it's beautiful work, Douglas.
I'm just getting started.
By the time I'm done with you, cheekbones, you're gonna make the angels weep.
" Classic.
All right, Stan, what do you got? I mean, besides a sudden bi-curious urge for "cheekbones," here? Just got off with DEA.
Operation tonight is a go.
Now, Delia and I will run surveillance from the van on the alley side of the club.
Mary, you're inside team leader, eyes on Marshall.
DEA's your backup.
Marshall, you're backstage with the other contestants.
Once we I.
Connard and his guys, we're gonna draw him out into the alley, or to the d-side for the take-down.
No O.
Corral in this club tonight.
We clear? Clear.
FYI "cheekbones" That's gonna stick.
We've got eight people on this.
One at the front door, one in the alley, the rest are inside.
The competition just kicked off.
The alley's clear.
How's up front? Clear.
No sign of Connard.
Mary, what're you seeing? Apart from Turn Back Time Cher and a tragic pink impersonator, - not much.
Marshall? - We're good backstage.
Think Connard had a change of heart? Doesn't sound like him.
And now, Miss Cybil Disobedience! Thank God for Glee club.
Wish me luck.
Good evening, ladies and ladies.
Get ready to party! Oh, my God.
He's really gonna sing.
Connard better make his move soon for all our sakes.
With Cybil, it's all real.
Stan, please tell me you're getting this.
We're getting it.
At first I was afraid, I was petrified kept thinking I could never live without you by my side but I spent so many nights thinking how you did me wrong that I grew strong and I learned how to get along Oh, my God.
And now you're back from outer space I just walked in to find you here with that sad look upon your face You go, girl.
I should've made you leave your key if I had known for just one second you'd be back to my back door now, go out the door just turn around now That's the guy.
Connard and his plus-size plus-one, - they're here.
- Yeah.
Well, the last thing these clowns want is attention.
No one starts shooting till the curtain comes down.
I got all my life to live I got all my love to give and I'll survive I will survive I will survive-uh! Good night, Albu-queer-que! He's done, and I know because he curtsied.
All right, Marshall, they're here.
We're a go.
Excuse me.
Excuse me.
Pardon me.
- DEA! Get over here! - U.
Marshal! - They got away! - No kidding! I wasn't talking to you! Stan, do you copy? - Copy.
- They're heading towards fifth! Delia, what're you doing? I got this, I got this.
- U.
Marshals! Stay down! - Stay down! Told you I had 'em.
Get your hands behind your back! Not exactly in the handbook, but nice work, Inspector.
Hey, cheekbones.
You good? Yeah.
Just these pantyhose chafe.
This court is adjourned.
Bailiff, take Mr.
Ducey into custody.
Up there on that stand, Douglas, you commanded the room.
I'm telling you, Kandy would be proud.
Ducey's lawyer just contacted us.
One look at your testimony, the guy practically leapt across the table, begging to flip on Connard.
- Thank God it's over.
- You did good.
I still can't believe I'll never be Kandy again.
Douglas, you and Kandy The best parts of her they're the best parts of you.
They always were.
And I'm ready to start over.
As me.
Oh, hey, can I ask a favor? I was hoping I could maybe meet my son.
You said you guys might be able to arrange something.
Once you're all set up in the new city, we'll see if we can track him down.
That would be Just Thanks.
For everything.
You're welcome.
Got plans tonight? Oh, yeah, big plans.
Hang with a baby, change a diaper, live the dream.
Well, when you're ready to get back out there to the grownups table or whatever, I'm happy to watch Norah.
Abigail too.
You mean you can watch Abigail and Norah at the same time? I'm a man of many talents.
- Offer's always on the table.
- Thank you.
Congratulations, Rosalind.
You shouldn't have.
Isotopes tickets? It's an engagement gift from Raph.
You know I don't say it out loud, but I really am happy for you.
I know.
'Cause if anyone deserves to find their You know, it's you.
So, when are we going? You know, I think from now on, Abigail should probably be your baseball plus-one.
- Oh.
- Yeah.
Well, thanks.
See ya tomorrow.
And for what it's worth, you deserve to find your "you know" too.
Yeah, well, in the rom-com version of my life, my "you know" is Ryan Gosling.
You're not the only one who gets to bang a Mouseketeer.
- Good night.
- Night.
Sorry I can't make this a sleepover.
Only have a sitter till 11:00.
That's hot, right? That's cool.
I don't really do the sleepover.
I like it.
You say "saucy.
" I hate it.
- We should.
- Yeah.
- Well, that was fun.
- Yes.
We should do it again.
And the least I can do is buy you a cup of coffee next time.
A cup of coffee.
A big one.
I'd say "venti," but then I - then I'd have to kill myself.
- Mm-hmm.
But trust me, it'll be a large.
- You promise? - I like to spoil the ladies.
I see.
Listen, if you, uh if you want, we could get the kids together next time.
Yeah, I don't know.
Think I prefer this NC-17.
God bless America.
Well, listen I hesitate to say this, and veer into PG-13, but you are the first person I've liked since Since the last person I liked.
That's high praise.
Yeah, you do know how to spoil the ladies.
What, too saucy? Don't say "saucy.
" There's a reason we outgrow fairy tales.
Let's face it, "happily ever after" is a crock.
It's a con, a shell game for the sucker on the street.
They're just words.
Pretty words.
The equally empty bookend to "once upon a time.
" But our lives aren't determined by some storybook, star-crossed destiny.
They're not determined by what we're told is meant to be.
Our lives are determined by dumb luck, the actions we take, and the courage we summon at our moments of truth.
Unlike fairy tales, real life doesn't come with "the end" in gilded cursive on the very last page.
Our stories never end.
"Happily ever after," for most of us, is really just the beginning.
There's a million "ever afters" in everybody's lives.
'Cause every time you think you've reached the finish line, the gun goes off again.
Yes, you left your tee shirt.
You've ruined a perfectly good exit.
It's me.
Daddy? Look, I know I got no rights asking you for anything, but please, you think I could come in for five minutes? Please? I'm in trouble.
And, uh, you're the only one I got to turn to.
Aren't you gonna say anything? I've pictured this moment a million times.
Each one different.
But it always ended the same.
James Wiley Shannon, you're under arrest.
Mary You have the right to remain silent.
Anything you say can and will be used against you in a court of law.
You have the right to an attorney.
If you can't afford an attorney, one will be appointed for you.